Explore every episode of the podcast The Angry Therapist Podcast

At 53, I've realized that some of life's biggest lessons aren't about getting ahead. They're about learning when to take the leap, when to let go, how to love without losing yourself, and how to stop waiting for some future version of your life before you start living. In this episode, I share 12 life lessons that have shaped the way I think about relationships, personal growth, success, and happiness. I talk about why being single isn't a waiting room, how our childhood experiences can influence what we mistake for intuition, and why becoming a better version of yourself sometimes means reconnecting with the person you used to be. I also explore the importance of traveling, finding meaning in everyday experiences, allowing things to end without calling them failures, and resisting the pressure to turn every passion into something profitable. Ultimately, these lessons are about creating a life that feels honest and meaningful, rather than spending years chasing someone else's definition of success. IN THIS EPISODE: • Why confidence comes after taking action, not before• Making the most of singlehood instead of waiting for a relationship• The difference between healthy compromise and self-abandonment• How childhood patterns influence attraction and intuition• Reconnecting with your younger self and rediscovering curiosity• How traveling changes your perspective• Recognizing endings as experiences rather than failures• Finding joy in ordinary Tuesdays• Allowing hobbies to exist without financial expectations• Questioning the life blueprints you've inherited• Why belonging shouldn't require betraying your truth• Choosing a life that feels alive rather than one that just looks impressive If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, personal growth, and building a more intentional life. Leave a comment sharing which of these 12 lessons resonated with you most, and share this episode with someone who's ready to start living more intentionally. NOVEMBER 9–13 | COSTA RICA THIS ISN'T A VACATION. IT'S A RESET. A four-day immersion designed to shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and help you build a new one — one rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation. Perfect for beginners. If you feel the pull, stay with it. Don't miss out on the next retreat. The next retreat will be from November 9–13. https://surfsexandpancakes.com/ 31 DAYS TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Resentment rarely comes from one big moment. More often, it builds through the small things we don't talk about: the dishes, the forgotten gestures, the mental load, and the feeling that you're the only one making an effort. I talk about how these everyday frustrations become evidence of deeper hurt, why unresolved conflict makes resentment grow, and how to repair the damage before years of disappointment turn into distance. I talk about: • How small moments of hurt build into long-term resentment • The invisible mental load of maintaining a relationship • Why the dishes are rarely just about the dishes • How the stories we tell ourselves amplify frustration • Asking for what you need before it becomes a demand • Why conflict is inevitable but repair is essential • Creating a safe space for difficult conversations • Using empathy, self-awareness, and accountability to repair emotional wounds If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack: https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does genuine love actually look like? It may have less to do with how someone makes you feel and more to do with whether you can truly see them, allow them to be themselves, and continue meeting them as both of you change. I also explore what happens when fear of losing someone keeps us from fully enjoying the relationship we have today, how relationships teach us who we are becoming, and the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. I also look at what can exist underneath betrayal and affairs, including the desire to reconnect with a version of yourself that feels lost. I talk about: • What genuine love looks like beyond attraction and chemistry • Loving someone without abandoning yourself • Why we have to keep meeting our partners as they change • The fear of losing someone and how it can steal the present • Why the small, ordinary moments in a relationship matter • Asking what a relationship is teaching you to become • The difference between compromise and self-abandonment • How relationships can teach us to expand or shrink ourselves • What can be underneath affairs and betrayal • The different emotional realities of the betrayed partner, the person who cheated, and the affair partner If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were handed a blueprint for what a “good life” is supposed to look like: fall in love, get married, buy the house, have kids, build a career, and stay together. But what happens when you achieve the life you were supposed to want and realize it doesn’t actually feel like yours? I talk about breaking away from inherited ideas of happiness, questioning the lives we’re maintaining simply because we’ve already spent years building them, and creating something more honest and customized. I also answer questions about open relationships, getting over self-doubt after leaving a good person, and why a relationship can be meaningful without lasting forever. I talk about: • The blueprint we inherit for what a “good life” is supposed to look like• Getting everything you were supposed to want and still feeling unhappy• The difference between a good life and a life that actually feels like yours• Redefining marriage, family, success, wealth, and commitment• Breaking patterns and questioning what you’re maintaining simply because you’ve already built it• Whether open relationships can work and what needs to be addressed before opening one• Why changing relationship structures doesn’t automatically fix existing problems• Getting over self-doubt after breaking up with a good person• Why someone can be a good person and still not be your person anymore• Letting relationships be meaningful without needing them to last forever If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in love and loving someone aren’t always the same thing. Being in love can be about chemistry, longing, fantasy, desire, and the way someone makes you feel. But loving someone asks something harder: can you keep seeing who they actually are as they change? Can you stay curious about the person they’re becoming instead of holding them to the version you first fell for? In this episode, I talk about why intensity alone isn’t enough to build a life with someone, why long-term relationships can go through seasons where the love feels different, and why falling out of love doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over. I also get into what happens after betrayal when you’re still watching an ex’s life and waiting for them to suffer, fail, or finally understand what they did to you. At some point, healing means taking your attention back and putting it somewhere they no longer get to participate in. And I answer one of the questions I hear most: how do you know whether your marriage is going through a hard season or whether the relationship is actually ending? In this episode, I talk about: • The difference between being in love and loving someone• Why intensity and chemistry aren’t enough• Loving someone as they grow and change• Why we sometimes miss who we were in a relationship more than the person• Three questions to ask when looking back on a past relationship• Why falling in and out of love can be part of a long-term relationship• How to stop making an ex’s life evidence for your own• Why healing can require teaching your attention a new address• The difference between a hard season and a relationship that may be ending• Why movement, ownership, and changed behavior matter more than promises Sometimes love isn’t about getting back to who you used to be together. Sometimes it’s about deciding whether you still want to know and choose the people you’re becoming. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when one person is willing to grow and the other isn’t, why growth should be an invitation rather than an ultimatum, and why sometimes the most important thing your partner needs from you isn’t perfection — it’s your willingness to lean in. In this episode, I sit down with Bryan Reeves to talk about what changes in the second half of life and why the rules that got us here may not be the same ones that carry us forward. We also get into men’s loneliness, why so many men wait until life or a relationship falls apart before asking for support, and how the need to be the hero can keep us isolated. We also talk about becoming fathers later in life, how pregnancy can expose old wounds and patterns in a relationship, and why presence may matter more than getting everything right. In this episode, we talk about: Why the second half of life requires a different kind of ambition When achievement and success stop feeling like enough Meaning, impact, and the temptation to become cynical Why so many men feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by people The “hero” mindset and hyper-independence Why men often wait for a crisis before asking for help What to do when you want to work on your relationship and your partner doesn’t Relationship as invitation instead of obligation Resentment and the importance of speaking up before it’s too late How pregnancy can expose deeper wounds in a relationship Becoming a father later in life Why being present matters more than being perfect Thanks for listening. If something in this conversation makes you think of someone, send it their way. Connect with Bryan Reeves: Website: https://bryanreeves.com/ Book — Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her): https://bryanreeves.com/book Love With Integrity Online Community: https://www.skool.com/lovewithintegrity If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 📚 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📖 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist Ready for deeper work? Check out my Secure Self course:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📱 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ 🌐 Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the life you spent years trying to build isn’t the life you want anymore? For most of my life, I was trying to arrive somewhere - make more money, build the audience, get another book deal, buy the house, become somebody. There was always another number to hit, another door to get through, another version of myself I thought would finally let me exhale. But lately, something has shifted. In this episode, I talk about giving yourself permission to disappoint the person you used to be. Not because that version of you was wrong, but because you’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to outgrow the goals, identities, and plans that once made perfect sense. I get into the difference between constantly becoming someone and actually experiencing your life, why ambition can be useful without being allowed to drive, and how easy it is to postpone happiness by attaching it to the next achievement, relationship, body, house, promotion, or milestone. Maybe the question isn’t, “Where is all of this going?” Maybe it’s, “Where can I go while I’m still here?” I also answer an Ask Angry question about knowing when it may be time to leave a marriage - and why waiting for absolute certainty can keep us stuck much longer than we realize. In this episode, I talk about: Giving yourself permission to disappoint the person you used to be Letting old goals and identities evolve without rejecting your past Why constantly trying to “arrive” can make you miss your actual life Ambition without letting ambition run your life Following curiosity without needing everything to be productive Why happiness becomes a moving target Recognizing joy while it’s actually happening Asking whether the plan you’re following still belongs to you Why certainty may never come when deciding whether to leave a relationship The questions that can reveal whether there’s still something worth repairing Thanks for listening. If something in this episode hits you, pass it along to someone who might need it. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On PurposeToss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 📚 My book publishing company, Soulprinthttps://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substackhttps://substack.com/@theangrytherapist 🧠 Ready for deeper work? Check out the Secure Self coursehttps://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📱 Follow me on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en 🌐 Find out morehttps://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you know whether a relationship can last and when it might be time to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we take on your questions about conflict, attraction, exes, love languages and the hurt we carry into new relationships. There’s one question underneath many of them: are you working through what’s happening, or waiting for something to change? If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack: https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 My book, Break Up On Purpose: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What matters more than love? My answer is capacity. I think we’ve wildly overestimated love’s ability to carry a relationship. You can love someone deeply and still lie to them, betray them, disappear when things get uncomfortable, refuse to look at yourself, or be unable to create a safe space for them. Love is a feeling. A relationship requires skills. In this episode, I answer questions about what actually makes relationships work, how relationships change over time, and what it means to leave someone you still love. I also talk about social media, comparison, and how constantly looking at everyone else’s life can make us question our own. I talk about: ● Why love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship ● Capacity, communication, accountability, and repair ● Why long-term relationships require us to grow and become someone we’ve never been before ● What happens when couples resist change and begin to drift apart ● How you can love someone and still know you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them ● Why staying in a relationship out of fear can sometimes create more pain ● The difference between inspiration and inadequacy on social media ● How comparison can make you overlook the life you’re actually living Thanks for listening. If any of these words help you or someone you know, pass them along. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you decide an idea is worth pursuing, even when you don't know where it's going to take you? Kelsey Crane joins me to talk about The Vanishing, her debut novel and the first book in The Exiles trilogy. We get into her journey from storytelling and gardening to writing a novel, why she chose to self-publish, what it feels like to reinvent yourself in your 40s, and the fear that comes with putting your work into the world. We also talk about nature, creativity, climate change, the power of storytelling, and the idea that we're not defined by one story or one moment in our lives. Kelsey shares why she believes creating something for future generations can be a powerful source of motivation. In this episode: • Reinventing yourself in your 40s• Writing your first novel• The reality of self-publishing• Fear and pushing through uncertainty• Nature as a source of creativity• Climate fiction and telling teenagers the truth• Why it's okay to be a beginner• Creating a legacy for future generations Follow Kelsey and check out The Vanishing. Guest links: ✨ The Vanishing novel: https://tr.ee/nhKDU8✨ Shopify: http://bit.ly/4hmSopJ✨ Goodreads: http://bit.ly/4fRbbs9✨ Website: https://www.theexilesseries.com✨ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artforartssake 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.HERE My book publishing company, Soulprint:HERE 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:HERE If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available:HERE 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose:HERE 📸 Follow me on Instagram:HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some of the hardest truths about relationships are the ones we spend the most time avoiding. I’m talking about the conversations that challenge the way we think about marriage, love, resentment, breakups, and even our own intuition. I start with a controversial idea: I think marriages need to die. Not because divorce is the goal, but because long-term relationships can’t survive if the old version of the marriage is expected to stay the same forever. Growth asks us to let old dynamics end so a new relationship can be born. I also answer some of your relationship questions about resentment, breakups, choosing the wrong partners, trusting your gut, and what happens when love activates old attachment wounds. I talk about: Why marriages need death and rebirth to keep growing How life transitions reshape relationships Why feelings and capacity are two different things The difference between loving someone and choosing someone What resentment is communicating before it destroys a relationship How overfunctioning creates hidden resentment Why breakup anger often belongs to an older wound How to move through anger without letting it make decisions Why intuition whispers and anxiety argues How childhood experiences shape what my gut tells me If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, attachment, and personal growth. If this episode spoke to you, leave a comment and share it with someone who needs this reminder. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprinthttps://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I reflect on what I’d tell myself 10 years ago about losing everything, rebuilding, and learning that security was never really about what I owned. I also share a story about a local surfer in Costa Rica who offered to teach me after watching me struggle in the water every day. What stayed with me wasn’t the surfing—it was the feeling of being seen, believed in, and chosen at 52. Sometimes the thing we need most isn’t more confidence. It’s someone saying, “I see what you’re trying to become. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Connect with me: 📘My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/  📘 My book, Break Up On Purpose: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you staying because you want to or because you’re afraid to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays, I answer your questions about fading attraction, slow-burn love, situationships, and healing after heartbreak. We also talk about what it takes to start liking yourself again. And before you decide there’s no spark, there’s one question worth asking yourself… 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shefali who is an NYT bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She is also a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and a wisdom teacher, integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychology. We talk about what it actually means to raise conscious boys and girls in a world that is changing faster than ever. We talk about the different things boys and girls are missing today, from physicality, movement, mentorship and healthy masculinity for boys to voice, self-trust and protection from the pressures of social media for girls. We also get into how much of parenting is really about our own wounds, fears and unresolved experiences. Dr. Shefali also shares her own struggle with staying present, letting go and trusting her daughter instead of constantly trying to prevent discomfort or rescue her. We talk about the messy process of parenting, learning to hold space for our children, and eventually becoming less central in their lives. We talk about: What boys and girls need from parents today. Why boys need movement, adventure, mentorship and healthy initiation. The importance of giving boys a pathway toward conscious masculinity. Why young men can become vulnerable when they don't have healthy male mentors. How social media and unrealistic standards are affecting girls. The difference between empowerment and seeking approval. How pornography and the internet have changed childhood. Why parents need to be more present and vigilant without becoming paranoid. How our own childhood experiences can shape the way we parent. Why parenting can become a mirror into our own unconsciousness. The challenge of letting go, trusting and allowing children to experience discomfort. Why boundaries can become harder to establish when we don't set them early. What it means to parent without trying to mold your child into who you think they should become. The eventual goal of moving from center stage to backstage in your child's life. Why there is no perfect way to parent and why making mistakes is part of the process. Connect with Dr. Shefali: Preorder Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters:https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/ Official website:https://www.drshefali.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/doctorshefali/ Parenting & You podcast:https://www.drshefali.com/podcast/ Book tour:https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/tour/ 🎙️ Connect with John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m answering a few questions about love, desire, affairs, and obsession. I start with a question about losing desire for a husband after having an affair and whether that desire can actually come back. My answer is yes - but I don’t think getting the old desire back should be the goal. Sometimes the relationship we had has died, and the work is to create something new instead. I also talk about why affairs can make desire especially confusing, how an affair can awaken a version of ourselves that we haven't felt in a long time, and why that version of us doesn't necessarily belong to the person we had the affair with. Then I get into what happens when couples try to repair after infidelity but accidentally allow the affair to become the relationship. Finally, I talk about obsession and how to tell the difference between obsession and love. Sometimes the person we can't stop thinking about isn't the love of our life - they're the person who created the most uncertainty in our life. I talk about: Why getting the old desire back shouldn't necessarily be the goal. Why you may need to create a new relationship instead of recreating the old one. Why comparing marital desire to affair desire isn't a fair comparison. What an affair can awaken in us beyond the other person. Why sometimes we're craving the version of ourselves we got to be around someone. How couples can rebuild desire together after infidelity. Why making the entire relationship about the affair can prevent real repair. When transparency becomes surveillance instead of rebuilding trust. Why love should expand your world while obsession tends to shrink it. How uncertainty and intermittent reinforcement can make someone feel impossible to let go of. Why we can become obsessed with a version of someone we've created from incomplete information. How to separate what actually happened from what we imagined could happen. Why letting go can mean surrendering the ending we hoped someone would give us. Link to the challenge: ⁠https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/300-hundred-questions-in-30-days⁠ If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. ⁠HERE⁠ My book publishing company: Soulprint ⁠https://www.soulprintmedia.co⁠ 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more ⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think resentment is one of the biggest things that can crack a relationship. We get hurt, minimize it, swallow it, and keep moving until all those little things start piling up. Eventually, the resentment becomes so big that we don't see the person or the relationship the same way anymore.  In this episode, I talk about why we need to learn how to express ourselves before resentment turns into a giant pile, how to know what is actually worth bringing to the table, and why resolving resentment doesn't always mean getting an apology from the person who hurt us.  I also talk about how to bring up resentment without blaming or attacking someone, taking ownership for my own part, and figuring out whether a relationship is still worth investing in. I break down the difference between doing life with someone, at someone, or around someone - and why honest relationships require us to be willing to talk about the hard shit.  I talk about: Why resentment can create hairline cracks in a relationship. How swallowing small hurts can eventually turn into a giant pile of resentment. Why I don't believe we can always depend on someone else to give us closure. How to decide what is actually worth expressing. Why I sometimes overexpress and need to work things out on my own first. Why bringing up resentment should come from a place of response rather than reaction. How taking ownership for my own part can change the conversation. What someone's response to my hurt can tell me about their capacity for the relationship. Why some relationships may have simply been outgrown. How children, finances, and other responsibilities can make resentment harder to address. Why I think we have a responsibility to express valid hurt before the pile gets too big. The difference between doing life with someone, at someone, and around someone. How to think about resentment differently in romantic relationships, friendships, and family. Why some resentment may need to be processed without ever being expressed directly. Why working through resentment is a muscle that requires reps. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. I believe in God. I believe in something greater. But I’ve realized that believing in God and actually having a relationship with God are two different things for me. In this episode, I get honest about growing up without religion, my complicated history with Christianity, the moments in my life that have felt undeniably spiritual, and why I think I’ve sometimes avoided a deeper relationship with God. I talk about light and dark, pleasure and addiction, surrender, serendipity, and the idea that our stories may be the place where we see something greater working through us. I also talk about my house burning down, starting over in Costa Rica, the unexpected things that have happened since, and how those experiences have changed the way I see my life and my relationship with God. I share why I’ve started looking at my story differently and why I think making sense of the painful parts of our lives can help us move from a dark place toward the light. I talk about: ● Why I believe in God but still struggle with my relationship with God. ● Growing up without religion and my complicated relationship with Christianity. ● Why I sometimes felt like I was performing rather than genuinely worshipping. ● The moments in my life that have felt like undeniable “God moments.” ● Why I see light and dark as two different paths we can move toward. ● How pleasure, addiction, and unhealthy choices can pull us toward darkness. ● Why I think serendipity can be a form of light. ● How I’ve started seeing the events in my life as part of a larger story. ● What my house burning down taught me about surrender and starting over. ● Why I believe our story may be the most valuable thing we ever own. ● How looking back at trauma and painful experiences can help us understand our story. ● Why I’m beginning to wonder if this next chapter of my life is about developing a better relationship with God. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HEREMy book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we remain stuck in the same patterns, compare ourselves to our partner’s past, or wait for an ex to give us closure? In Episode 26 of Therapy Thursdays, John answers your most personal questions about identity, intimacy, insecurity, attachment and relationships. He explains why meaningful change requires us to let go of an old version of ourselves - and why the familiar can feel safe even when it is making us unhappy. He also explores what true intimacy looks like after the performance falls away, how to respond when a partner asks for space, and what couples are really trying to communicate beneath everyday arguments. From protest behaviour and defensiveness to breakups, reconciliation and the need for an apology, this episode is about recognising what is happening underneath the surface. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m breaking down the biggest ways I think we sabotage our own healing, relationships, and lives. This conversation came from a post that resonated with millions of people and grew into a series because these patterns are so common - and so easy to mistake for growth. I talk about why insight isn’t the same as change, why breakups aren’t something we simply “get over,” why divorce doesn’t automatically mean failure, and why chasing happiness can keep us disconnected from a life that actually feels meaningful. I talk about: Why knowing my attachment style doesn’t automatically change my behavior. How self-awareness can become another place to hide. Why healing eventually becomes about execution, not explanation. Why I don’t believe we truly get over people we deeply loved. How grief includes losing the future I imagined with someone. Why divorce doesn’t erase a real or meaningful marriage. How staying because of fear is different from staying because of love. Why happiness was never meant to be my permanent destination. What I’ve started choosing instead of making happiness my North Star. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when I know better but still find myself repeating the same relationship patterns? I answer 10 questions about love, attachment, obsession, loneliness, breakups, abuse, reconciliation, and the difficult choices we make when relationships activate something deeper inside us. I talk about why we can confuse familiarity with safety, why we sometimes become addicted to what another person does to our nervous system, and how to tell the difference between attachment anxiety and intuition. I also explore why some relationships are worth experiencing even if they aren't meant to last, and why being lonely inside a relationship can make attention from an ex feel so powerful. In this episode: • Why repetition compulsion can make us recreate emotional dynamics that hurt us • How familiar can become confused with safe • Why obsession with another person can actually be a form of emotional regulation • How to distinguish attachment anxiety from intuition • How to tell whether you're fighting for a relationship or fighting against grieving it • Why not every meaningful relationship has to become a lifelong one • Why I don't believe there is necessarily one person who is the one • What loneliness inside a relationship can reveal about what you're actually missing • Why leaving an abusive relationship can be much more complicated than simply knowing you should leave • When friendship with an ex is actually just another way of holding on • Why long-term relationships can become disconnected and what it can look like to find each other again 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is the difference between loving someone and becoming obsessed with them? In this episode, I explore how love can slowly turn into fixation, fantasy, and emotional dependency, and why so many of us confuse chemistry with compatibility. Recording from a hotel room, I reflect on my own experiences with emotional intensity, attachment patterns, love addiction, fantasy, and obsession, as well as the challenge of building a life that doesn’t revolve around one person. In this episode, I talk about: Why obsession is often about identity, not the other person The difference between chemistry and compatibility How fantasy creates emotional intensity Why intermittent reinforcement is so addictive The connection between obsession, attachment wounds, and love addiction How emotional intensity and expanding your life can change your perspective on relationships Why I believe a healthy relationship requires a life that is bigger than the relationship itself What it means to choose yourself without becoming emotionally isolated 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The house I grew up in is probably still living inside me. And the house you grew up in may still be living inside you, too. I’m recording from a diner in Mexico City and exploring one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves: What was the emotional climate of the home I grew up in? This conversation goes far beyond nostalgia or childhood memories. I explore how the emotional atmosphere we grew up in - whether it was chaotic, unpredictable, emotionally distant, performance-driven, or conflict-avoidant - can continue shaping our relationships, attachment patterns, self-worth, and nervous system responses decades later. Drawing from my own experiences and years of therapeutic work, I break down four types of emotionally immature parents and how growing up around these dynamics can wire us to become caretakers, perfectionists, conflict avoiders, or people who feel guilty for having needs at all. This isn’t about blaming our parents. It’s about understanding how those early experiences taught us to relate to ourselves. Because real adulthood begins when we learn how to become the safest place we’ve ever lived. In this episode: • Why the emotional climate of your childhood matters more than the physical house • The signs of an emotionally ruled parent • How hypervigilance can get mistaken for empathy • Why driven parents can unintentionally tie love to achievement • What passive parents can teach us about conflict and boundaries • How rejecting parents can create adults who apologize for existing • Why we often choose familiarity in relationships, not randomness • The connection between childhood emotional neglect and adult anxious attachment • What reparenting actually looks like in everyday life • The question I want you to ask yourself about the emotional climate you may still be carrying today 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, I’m answering the relationship and personal-growth questions we often think about but don’t always know how to ask. What does an emotionally safe relationship actually feel like? How do you know if you’re settling - or simply navigating the normal challenges of being with someone? When does a relationship push you toward growth, and when does it start pulling you away from yourself? I also get into how living in survival mode can shape the way we move through adulthood, why happiness can’t always be postponed until life finally looks the way we want it to, and what it means to build a life that feels more expansive than constricting. Healthy doesn’t mean easy. But the challenges in your life and relationships should ultimately help you become someone you recognize—and someone you actually like. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When is enough enough? What if the life you're chasing is based on someone else's definition of success? In this conversation, John Kim and Buddy Wakefield explore the difference between going wide and going deep, and why fulfillment may have less to do with fame, money, and recognition than we think. From poetry, Portugal, and Los Angeles to money, hope, and the pressure to constantly achieve more, this episode is a raw and honest reflection on potential, ambition, and what actually makes a life feel meaningful. In this episode, John and Buddy talk about: Whether potential really has to "go wide" How growing up in Los Angeles shaped John's definition of success Why Buddy's experience in Portugal changed the way he thinks about enough The difference between external recognition and meaningful impact What money can and cannot provide How hustle culture can keep you disconnected from the present moment Why Buddy is learning to welcome the word hope back into his life The small, ordinary moments that bring real happiness If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who has been measuring their worth by how wide they've gone instead of how deeply they've lived. Connect with Buddy: https://www.buddywakefield.com/ https://www.instagram.com/buddywakefield 🎙️ Connect with John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the biggest factor affecting your mental health isn’t what happens to you, but which container you’re paying attention to? In this personal check-in from Mexico City, I reflect on the difference between the macro container - the collective world of politics, climate change, technology, uncertainty, and fear - and the micro container - your relationships, work, family, community, and daily life. After losing my home in the Altadena fires and spending the last year rebuilding my life in a completely different way, I’ve been thinking a lot about how perspective, attention, and emotional frequency can shape the way we experience our circumstances. In this episode, I talk about: ● The difference between the macro world and the micro world ● How social media can keep us trapped in fear and hopelessness ● Why losing my home changed my perspective on time and possibility ● What travel has taught me about identity and freedom ● How surfing and beach life have helped me regulate my nervous system ● Why survival mode became my default for most of my life ● The question I’m asking myself: which container is shaping my frequency? If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that while we can’t control the entire world, we can still shape the world immediately around us. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stop losing yourself to love. What if codependency isn't just about your relationships with other people, but your relationship with yourself? In this episode, John and Vanessa explore why recovering from codependency is really about building a stronger sense of identity. They explain how people pleasing, lacking boundaries, and fearing rejection can keep us disconnected from who we really are, and why choosing authenticity over self-abandonment is essential for healthier relationships. In this episode: • Why codependency recovery is really identity work • How people pleasing can become a way to avoid yourself • The connection between resentment, boundaries, and self-abandonment • Why some relationships change or end when you begin healing • The difference between healthy love and the version of love many of us were taught • How corrective experiences help you build a stronger relationship with yourself If you enjoyed this episode, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://shorturl.at/Thsny 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when life forces you to start over? In this personal check-in, John Kim reflects on the unexpected lessons that came from rebuilding his life after losing his home. From learning to surf at 53 to finding clarity through travel and stepping out of survival mode, this episode explores what it means to reconnect with yourself and embrace a different way of living. In this episode: • Why learning to surf became more than just a new hobby • How reconnecting with old parts of yourself can lead to real growth • The unexpected ways Costa Rica has reshaped his perspective on life • What travel has taught him about identity, home, and possibility • The difference between living in survival mode and living with intention • Why changing your environment can change the way you see yourself If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John and Vanessa answer listeners' questions about what healthy and unhealthy expectations are in dating, relationships, and marriage. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are you curious about these days? What if taking stock of what you're interested in, and what you're ready to leave behind, could reveal exactly where you're headed next? In this solo episode, John Kim shares a personal list of the ideas, experiences, and questions capturing his attention in this season of life, alongside the habits, mindsets, and patterns he's no longer interested in carrying. From curiosity and possibility to letting go of certainty and external validation, this conversation is an invitation to reflect on what's changing within you. In this episode: • Why curiosity has become more important than certainty • How strangers can become chosen family • The value of holding on loosely instead of gripping tightly • Letting go of validation, grudges, and winning arguments • Friending your demons instead of fighting them • Why defining what you're no longer interested in matters 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it actually take to build healthy relationships? In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John Kim answers some of the most common questions about love, healing, attachment, and personal growth. From redefining what it means to fall in love to understanding why peace is something you give yourself - not something you find - this episode explores the inner work that shapes the way we connect with others. John shares practical insights on anxious attachment, healing after toxic relationships, rupture and repair, emotional safety, and why the healthiest relationships are built through daily choices rather than fleeting feelings. He also explores the importance of studying yourself, accepting impermanence, and living a "through me" life instead of feeling like life is happening to you. In this episode: • Why peace is something you can give yourself • What it means to live a "through me" life • Why self-help is really the lifelong study of self • How fear of impermanence fuels suffering • The qualities that should never be negotiable in relationships • The difference between falling in love and choosing to love • Signs you're in a healthy, secure relationship • Whether emotional attraction alone is enough • Why every relationship requires rupture and repair • Understanding anxious attachment when you're apart from your partner • How healthy relationships can help support emotional healing • What your nervous system needs after a toxic relationship • Two questions that can help guide your life and relationships 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this solo episode, John Kim shares a collection of personal notes written over coffee in Costa Rica, exploring what he's learning about wholeness, love, masculinity, ambition, and personal growth. Through honest reflections and stories, he challenges the idea that we need to keep proving ourselves and offers a different path rooted in presence, curiosity, and living more fully. In this episode: • Why the goal isn't balance, but wholeness • What it means to "feed the other wolf" • How healthy love can feel unfamiliar after chaos • Why life's "B-sides" often become the most meaningful chapters • How to break free from rumination and reconnect with the present • Why staying unfinished may be the key to continued growth If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When sex changes after having a baby, what happens to the relationship? Becoming parents changes everything, including intimacy. In this episode, John Kim explores what happens when a new father feels disconnected while a new mother is navigating recovery, exhaustion, and the demands of caring for a newborn. He shares his own experience and explains why protecting the relationship is more important than trying to get back to "normal." In this episode: • Why intimacy often changes after having a baby • How empathy can replace resentment during the postpartum season • What it means to redefine sex, connection, and partnership • Why building a full life beyond sex matters for new fathers • How honest communication helps couples navigate this major transition • Why protecting the relationship creates space for intimacy to return If this episode resonates with you or someone you know who is navigating life after having a baby, share it with them. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, growth, and emotional health. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the promises we make in love are setting us up to fail? In this episode, John Kim is joined by his wife, Vanessa Bennett, to explore how redefining the promises we make in relationships could change the way we love. Instead of focusing on "forever," they discuss commitments rooted in personal growth, accountability, respect, and the willingness to keep doing the inner work, even when relationships evolve or come to an end. In this episode, you'll hear about: • Why "forever" may not be the healthiest relationship promise • How unspoken agreements contribute to betrayal and resentment • The importance of owning your own patterns and projections • Why love requires growth instead of staying the same • What it means to create corrective love experiences • How new promises can lead to healthier relationships If this conversation resonated with you, follow the podcast, share this episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others discover the show. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Curious about psychedelic medicine but unsure what it actually does? In this conversation, John Kim sits down with Sarah Williams to explore how medicines like MDMA and psilocybin can support healing, self-discovery, and personal growth when approached with intention, safety, and integration. Sarah shares her journey from her first ayahuasca experience to becoming a medicine guide, including the near-death experience on Denali that changed the course of her life. Together, they unpack why medicine isn't a shortcut to transformation, but a tool that can help people reconnect with themselves and create lasting change. In this episode: • Sarah's path into medicine work and what drew her to MDMA • Why integration matters more than expecting one ceremony to change your life • The lessons Sarah learned after surviving a life-threatening experience on Denali • How MDMA can help people access difficult emotions and conversations • The differences between macrodosing and microdosing • Why intention, safety, and the right support are essential John and Sarah also share details about their upcoming two-month microdosing program which you can find out about HERE Connect with Sarah: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahskyann Website: https://www.terraalinea.com 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers your questions about toxic relationships, emotional unavailability, sexting in committed relationships, why it's so hard to leave someone who hurts you, and the difference between being in love and being "in lost." He also shares practical advice on building self-trust, redefining what makes a good day, and what healthy masculinity looks like. Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling to let go, or trying to build a healthier life, this episode offers honest reflections and practical perspectives to help you move forward. In this episode, John discusses: What to do if you discover your partner is sexting other people. How your partner's response after being confronted reveals everything. The difference between being in love and being "in lost." Why toxic relationships can feel impossible to leave. Emotional availability as the foundation of healthy relationships. Why both partners must do the inner work. How childhood experiences shape relationship patterns. One simple mindset shift that can improve your daily life. Why self-trust matters more than motivation. John's current definition of what it means to be a man. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the love you've been chasing was never meant to stay the same? In this episode, John Kim shares excerpts from his new book, Love Hard on Purpose, and explores how love evolves as we heal. He reflects on the difference between unhealthy, dopamine-driven relationships and the kind of love that challenges us to grow, repair, and become better versions of ourselves. In this episode: • Why love isn't just meant to make us happy, but to help us heal • The difference between healthy love and unhealthy love • How we confuse intensity with intimacy • Why conflict and repair are essential to lasting relationships • The journey from "drug love" to "medicine love" • A personal reflection on the "B-sides" of life that quietly shape who we become If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who could use the reminder that love can be a path to healing. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim shares two practices that have had the biggest impact on his own life and wellbeing. He explains why reducing your everyday fight or flight state and learning to get out of your head can help you move from simply surviving to genuinely thriving. In this episode: • Why subtle fight or flight can quietly shape your everyday life • How designing your lifestyle can help you feel more grounded • The importance of joy, gratitude, friendships, and creative spaces • Practical ways to interrupt negative thought patterns • Why lasting change comes from consistent daily practice, not quick fixes If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who could use the reminder today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you stop chasing and start listening? In this episode, John shares the personal shifts he's working through after moving to Costa Rica. From learning to surf at 52 to redefining success, he reflects on slowing down, letting go of old patterns, and finding joy in the small moments that make life feel more alive. In this episode: • Why he's learning to approach surfing as a practice instead of a performance • The role of detachment in reducing stress and calming the nervous system • Letting go of FOMO and the pressure to constantly achieve • Challenging the belief that rest must be earned • Redefining what "enough" means beyond money, milestones, and validation • Learning to notice everyday moments of joy, or what he calls “nectar" John also shares reflections on adjusting to life in Costa Rica, embracing a slower pace, and documenting what he calls his "second rebirth." If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who needs it, and join us for the next conversation. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating can feel exhausting, especially when every first date seems loaded with pressure, expectations, and endless swiping. In this episode, John shares five first-date reminders for navigating modern dating with more confidence, curiosity, and intention. He explores why dating often feels transactional today, how expectations can get in the way of connection, and what it looks like to approach dating without turning every encounter into a search for "the one." In this episode: • Why John believes dating has become low-effort and transactional • The importance of planning and showing intention on a first date • Why "less history, more mystery" can create better conversations • How expectations can sabotage connection • Why you're not looking for your soulmate on a first date • How to handle rejection, disappointment, and bad dates without taking them personally 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is it so hard to let go of someone you know isn't right for you? How do you know when you've healed enough to date again? Can someone truly love you if you don't love themselves? And what do you do when trust is broken? In this listener Q&A, I answer questions about heartbreak, attachment, self-worth, trust, and what it actually takes to build healthy relationships. We explore why we can stay emotionally attached to an ex even when we know the relationship wasn't right, how toxic relationships can shape our dating patterns, and the difference between seeking connection and avoiding loneliness. I also share my thoughts on love languages, masculinity, rebuilding trust after betrayal, and one small step you can take today to begin changing your life. Whether you're trying to move on, wondering if you're ready to date again, or looking to build healthier relationships, I hope this conversation gives you something to reflect on. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this personal episode, John shares a collection of journal entries and reflections on fear, identity, reinvention, love, writing, and what it means to fully live. From losing his home in the Los Angeles fire to building a new life in Costa Rica, he explores the fear of reaching the end of life without ever being fully known or fully becoming who you're meant to be. In this episode: • Why fear isn't always a warning and can sometimes be a compass • The danger of protecting a life you've already outgrown • What the Los Angeles fire taught John about identity and change • How love can evolve from a drug into medicine • Lessons from writing seven books and starting a publishing company • A surfing experience that changed the way he thinks about deserving success 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim sits down with Brenden Durell to talk about masculinity, vulnerability, Tantra, intimacy, and emotional growth. Brenden shares his journey from sports into self-discovery and men’s work, exploring how discipline, trust, and presence can create deeper freedom and connection. They also discuss porn, edging, aftercare, therapeutic experiences with MDMA and San Pedro, and the responsibility men have in creating emotional safety in relationships. In this episode: • Redefining modern masculinity • Why vulnerability matters for men • Tantra, discipline, and personal freedom • Porn, edging, and sexual health • Trust, intimacy, and aftercare • Creating safety in relationships • Emotional intelligence and men’s work Connect with Brenden Durell Website: https://stan.store/brendendurell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendendurell/ 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don’t protect your heart. Protect your relationship. In this episode, John Kim explores what it really takes to build a relationship that lasts. After heartbreak, loss, and repeating old patterns, many people start doing the inner work and realize that healthy love does not just happen naturally. It has to be built with intention, ownership, and practice. John breaks down the idea of “relationship armor” as the tools and practices that protect the relationship itself. This includes creating a safe space, practicing self-awareness, communicating honestly, loving without dragging the past into the present, and learning how to fight in a healthier way. He also explains why being right can become poison in a relationship, why curiosity creates safety, and why presence, gratitude, space, and having your own life are essential parts of healthy love. In this episode: • Why healthy relationships are built, not found • How to create a safe space in love • The importance of self-awareness and ownership • Why communication builds trust and closeness • How to love without letting your past run the relationship • Why how you fight matters more than how often you fight • How giving up the need to be right creates safety • The role of mindfulness, gratitude, and space in lasting love • Why you need your own life inside a healthy relationship More about John: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 John’s latest book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Follow John on Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more about John Kim: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does a breakup feel like more than heartbreak? In this episode, John Kim explores why breakups can feel like a death, and why that experience is rooted in more than emotion alone. Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and years of therapeutic experience, he explains what happens in the brain after a relationship ends and why healing takes time. John unpacks the hidden losses that often come with heartbreak, from the future we imagined to the identity we built inside a relationship. He also shares why recovery isn't about forgetting someone, but learning to create a new reality without them. In this episode: • Why breakups feel physically painful • The role dopamine and attachment play in heartbreak • How relationships become part of our emotional regulation system • The grief of losing a future that never actually happened • Identity loss after a breakup • Why healing is really about rewiring If someone in your life is going through a breakup, share this episode with them. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and personal growth. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering listener questions about the messy, tender, and sometimes confusing parts of relationships. We talk about what it means when someone says “I love you” very early on, how relationships naturally move through different stages, and what to do when the romance starts to fade. We also explore the painful reality of betrayal — including what repair can look like after cheating, and how to know whether your partner is truly respecting the process of rebuilding trust. This episode also looks at conflict and communication: how to bring up difficult issues with your partner, family, or friends when confrontation feels scary or overwhelming. In this episode, we cover: Whether saying “I love you” after two weeks is genuine love, infatuation, or a possible red flag The different stages relationships often go through First steps toward repair after infidelity What it means when a partner pressures you to accept contact with the person they cheated with How to talk about losing the spark in a long-term relationship Why romance and effort can fade after the honeymoon phase How to approach hard conversations when you hate confrontation The difference between healthy communication and avoiding conflict 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joy, trauma, grief, healing. What if they’re all connected? In this conversation, John sits down with Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald to explore what trauma actually does to the nervous system, why joy is more than a fleeting feeling, and how small moments of joy can help us stay grounded through life’s hardest seasons. They discuss the science behind joy, common misconceptions about trauma, how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, and why healing may require letting go of identities built around suffering. The conversation also touches on grief, psychedelics, nervous system regulation, and finding meaning after loss. In this episode: • Why joy can help regulate and rewire the nervous system • What trauma really does to the body and brain • How childhood trauma shows up in adult relationships • The danger of identifying too strongly with your wounds • Why grief may be more transformative than we realize • The role of flow states, surfing, and presence in healing Also mentioned: • MaryCatherine’s books Unbroken https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things-ebook/dp/B0B19CVVNM and The Joy Reset https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Reset-Trauma-Steals-Happiness/dp/0306836262 • Her upcoming K-12 resilience curriculum focused on trauma, stress, and joy • Her current work exploring grief through writing and poetry If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who may need it, and leave a review to help others find these conversations. Follow Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald Website: https://www.drmcmcdonald.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/?hl=en 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the thing you keep chasing isn’t actually better... just more familiar? In this solo Q&A episode, John Kim reflects on fantasy, gratitude, emotional presence, and the difference between intensity and real love. From surfing in Costa Rica to answering listener questions about confidence, breakups, infidelity, and self-abandonment in relationships, this episode explores what happens when you stop escaping yourself and start paying attention to what’s actually here. Key points covered: • Why we romanticize the past and overlook the present • The difference between intensity and consistency in love • How healthy relationships create clarity instead of confusion • What confidence actually comes from • Signs you may be abandoning yourself in a relationship • Whether couples can rebuild after infidelity If this episode helped you, send it to someone who may need to hear it. Follow, rate, and share the podcast to support the show. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John Kim explores what it really means to “seek nectar” in everyday life and why tiny moments of beauty, awe, and presence might matter more than we think. In this solo episode, John reflects on life in Costa Rica, nervous system healing, and the difference between surviving and actually feeling alive. He shares how years of stress and hyper vigilance can train us to scan for danger, and how intentionally noticing small moments of joy can slowly rewire the brain toward expansion, connection, and presence. Key points from this episode: • Why “stress narrows you and nectar expands you” • How survival mode becomes a default nervous system state • The neuroscience behind joy, presence, and neuroplasticity • What it means to train your body to “expect beauty again” • Tiny moments that create aliveness, awe, and emotional regulation • Why healing also means collecting new emotional experiences John also shares personal reflections on surfing, Costa Rica, creativity, parenthood, relationships, and the small rituals that bring him back to himself. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need the reminder to seek more nectar in their life. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and becoming more human. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love often starts as a drug. But what happens when the high wears off? In this episode, John Kim explores the difference between “drug-based love” and “medicine-based love,” and why most relationships struggle when chemistry begins to settle. He talks about projection, love addiction, emotional growth, and how real healing begins when relationships stop being a place to escape yourself and become a place to return to yourself. John also shares personal reflections on rebuilding life in Costa Rica after losing his home in Altadena, and how reinvention is shaping this new season of his life. Key points covered: • Why love feels intoxicating in the beginning • The difference between chemistry and healing • How projection shapes modern dating • “Recess love” vs mature relational work • Why repair matters more than avoiding conflict • How healthy love can rewire old patterns and fears Resources & mentions: • John discusses his new book, Love Hard on Purpose • Listeners who purchase the book get access to his private WhatsApp community If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s learning the difference between chemistry and healing. Follow the podcast for more conversations on love, growth, and relationships. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers listener questions about anxious attachment, exes, blame, perfectionism, makeup sex, and relationship myths. He explores how attachment patterns affect your partner, why we sometimes stay mentally connected to an ex, and how to know whether a relationship has real long-term potential. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship has legs, why you keep blaming your partner, or why you still think about someone from your past, this episode will help you slow down and look at the deeper patterns underneath. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices