Welcome to "That's Where I'm At" with your host, Laura Richards!
Join Laura Richards, a survivor of narcissistic abuse with 33 years experience, as she guides you through the journey of identifying, healing from, and thriving after emotional and psychological abuse. With a mission to raise awareness, foster emotional recovery, and empower you to love yourself, Laura brings honesty, compassion, and a touch of humor to every episode.
Dive into deep, meaningful conversations, tackle tough topics, and uncover moments of hope and healing. Our supportive community is here for you, offering insights, support, and a shared path to recovery and empowerment.
Subscribe now and be part of a transformative journey that's messy, real, and truly inspiring!
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EP 72: Navigating the Journey of Healing: Self-Love, Boundaries, and Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse with Tiffany K
Season 1 · Episode 72
Wednesday, March 4, 2026 • Duration 52:00
In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Tiffany K—a school teacher, yoga instructor, hiking enthusiast, coffee lover, devoted mom to three adult children, proud grandmother, and narcissistic abuse survivor turned thriver. Tiffany brings both professional insight and deeply personal experience to this conversation, sharing her powerful journey from surviving toxic relationships to embracing healing, self-love, and authentic living.
As the host of The Journey Within with Tiffany K., a show dedicated to helping women reconnect with themselves and cultivate personal growth, Tiffany is passionate about guiding others toward emotional freedom and empowerment. Together, Laura and Tiffany explore the realities of trauma, the courage it takes to leave abusive dynamics, and practical tools for recovery—including meditation, journaling, boundaries, and community support. Tiffany's story is a testament to resilience and serves as an inspiring reminder that healing is possible and thriving is within reach.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Tiffany's Background and Podcast Journey (00:02:10) Tiffany shares her diverse background and how she started her podcast focused on healing.
Discovering the Healing Journey (00:02:54) Tiffany explains how her healing journey led to podcasting and the importance of addressing trauma stored in the body.
Healing Modalities and Nervous System Regulation (00:03:55) Discussion about different healing methods, including journaling, meditation, and the impact of trauma on the nervous system.
Recognizing Narcissistic Traits and Trauma Bonds (00:09:42) Tiffany details the common traits of narcissists and the addictive cycle of trauma bonding.
Leaving Abusive Relationships and the Seven-Times Statistic (00:12:26) Discussion about why it takes multiple attempts to leave abusive relationships and the emotional manipulation involved.
Tools for Breaking Trauma Bonds (00:19:22) Strategies like making lists or videos to remember the bad times and resist returning to abusers.
Abusers Moving On Quickly and Self-Healing (00:20:08) Discussion about how abusers move on fast, while survivors focus on healing and self-growth.
Learning and Setting Boundaries (00:24:40) Laura and Tiffany discuss the importance of boundaries as an act of self-love and protection.
Boundaries in Practice and Societal Messages (00:25:09) Practical advice on setting boundaries and recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Does the Label Matter? (00:29:06) Emphasis that the label "narcissist" is less important than how someone treats you.
Conditional Gifts and Manipulation (00:29:49) Examples of manipulation through conditional gift-giving and emotional control.
Self-Love and Rebuilding Identity (00:31:07) The journey of learning self-love, accepting compliments, and rebuilding identity after abuse.
Journaling and Tracking Progress (00:37:22) The value of journaling to observe healing progress and rediscover personal interests.
Discovering Self and Enjoying Solitude (00:39:15) Tiffany describes finding joy in her own company and exploring new hobbies.
Trying New Things and Finding Peace (00:41:17) Encouragement to try new activities, focus on mental health, and find peace after leaving abuse.
Guided Meditation and Healing the Mind (00:42:24) The benefits of guided meditation and mindfulness for healing trauma and regulating the nervous system.
Rest, Fatigue, and the Body's Recovery (00:47:40) Discussion about post-abuse fatigue, the body's need for rest, and the transition to peace.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Tiffany, 'I remember moving out of my nice, fancy house into this little tiny apartment, and I thought, this is it. I'm free. I'm going to feel amazing now. But I had no clue about the healing journey I was about to begin.'Tiffany', 'Whenever I would go back to him, it was always those good times that would come up first, which is why I got towards the end, where I would start recording myself with tears running down my face, leaving his house, so I could go back and watch it every time I craved him.'Tiffany, 'I didn't love myself. I didn't respect myself, or I wouldn't have continued to put up with the shit for so long.'Tiffany, 'It does not matter if there's a label. It does not matter if they have NPD and it's stamped on something. The point is, do they show you love? And if you don't really know what love is, let me tell you something: when you're constantly walking on eggshells or your boundaries are constantly crossed, that is not love.'Tiffany, 'It really is so much better on the other side when you're living in peace, you know?'
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EP 71: Empowering Women: Learning to Trust Yourself and Set Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life with Vanessa Kavulish
Season 1 · Episode 71
Wednesday, February 18, 2026 • Duration 37:47
In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Vanessa Kavulish, a business strategist, speaker, entrepreneur, and founder of VK Growth Consulting. Vanessa helps founders scale their businesses with clarity and alignment—without losing themselves in the process. Having advised and coached hundreds of entrepreneurs, and as the founder of Benefit Bar, an elevated eco-friendly event brand known for exceptional execution and unforgettable experiences, Vanessa brings both strategic expertise and lived insight into sustainable growth and authentic leadership.
In this empowering conversation, Vanessa shares her personal journey from seeking external validation to trusting her intuition, setting strong boundaries, and prioritizing self-respect. She and Laura explore the impact of societal conditioning, the importance of rest, and how relationships evolve as women step into their true selves. Vanessa also offers practical guidance on building confidence, strengthening self-trust, and growing both personally and professionally without sacrificing well-being. This episode is a powerful reminder that true success comes from alignment, authenticity, and honoring who you are becoming.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Content Warning (00:01:16) A brief warning about potentially triggering subjects in the episode.
Guest Introduction: Vanessa the Empowerment Coach (00:01:25) Laura introduces Vanessa, her background, and her work as an empowerment coach.
Vanessa's Journey: Overachieving & Seeking Validation (00:02:15) Vanessa shares her upbringing, need for external validation, and how it led to her career and eventual unhappiness.
Breaking Free from Others' Expectations (00:04:18) Discussion about filtering advice from well-meaning people and learning to trust your own path.
Weeding Out External Voices & Self-Trust (00:07:22) The process of identifying which internal voices are truly your own and learning self-trust.
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EP 62: Rebuilding After Divorce — Finding Yourself Again with Heidi Bee
Season 1 · Episode 62
Wednesday, October 15, 2025 • Duration 48:25
In this empowering episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Heidi Bee, the Divorce Comeback Coach, to explore the emotional journey of rebuilding life after divorce.
Heidi Bee is a certified and trauma-informed divorce coach and somatic breathwork facilitator. Through her 3-month Comeback Course & Coaching Community, she helps women navigate their "new normal" by providing the roadmap, resources, and relationships needed to move forward with confidence. She's also the host of the Divorce Comeback Coach podcast, where she shares truth-telling conversations and practical guidance to help women take their next best step toward the life they deserve and desire.
In this heartfelt conversation, Laura and Heidi open up about:
The feelings of isolation, grief, and identity loss that often follow divorce — especially after long-term or toxic relationships.
The importance of self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and rebuilding community during recovery.
How embracing vulnerability and self-compassion can lead to powerful transformation and growth.
Together, they remind listeners that while the road to healing may be difficult, it is also filled with opportunities for renewal, empowerment, and rediscovery of one's true self.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Heidi's Divorce Story and the "Divorce Ditch" (00:03:06) Heidi shares her personal experience of feeling lost and stuck after divorce, describing it as the "divorce ditch."
Coping Mechanisms and Avoidance (00:06:41) Heidi describes unhealthy coping mechanisms she used to avoid pain, such as overworking and numbing behaviors.
EP 61: The Power of Sobriety & Self-Discovery with Kate Vitela
Season 1 · Episode 61
Wednesday, October 1, 2025 • Duration 54:13
In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Kate, a nurse of more than 20 years and a personal development coach, to talk about sobriety, self-worth, and healing after narcissistic relationships. Together, they explore how alcohol, food, and limiting beliefs can leave women vulnerable to toxic dynamics—and how breaking free requires courage, boundaries, and a new story.
Kate shares her personal journey of getting sober, healing from toxic relationships, and reclaiming her power through coaching and self-discovery. With a focus on mental health and sobriety in her nursing career, Kate now runs a private practice helping women move past numbing behaviors and self-defeating patterns so they can step into their divine purpose.
This heartfelt conversation offers practical strategies, hope, and encouragement for women ready to rewrite their narratives, reclaim their worth, and create healthier, more authentic lives.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Alcohol, Vulnerability, and Narcissistic Relationships (00:03:14) Kate explains how heavy drinking made her vulnerable to narcissistic partners and losing her sense of self.
Drinking's Impact on Women (00:06:33) Discussion on how alcohol affects women differently and the societal normalization of drinking.
Boundaries and Coaching Women (00:14:42) The importance of boundaries, self-sabotage, and how Kate coaches women to recognize and address these issues.
Gaslighting and Reclaiming Sanity (00:19:44) Laura and Kate discuss gaslighting in narcissistic relationships and the importance of trusting your gut.
Losing and Gaining Friends in Sobriety (00:28:48) Kate and Laura talk about losing old friends and gaining more authentic connections after getting sober.
Love Bombing, Alcohol, and the Nervous System (00:37:19) How love bombing and alcohol both create emotional highs and lows, destabilizing women in toxic relationships.
EP 60: Reclaiming Your Power After Narcissistic Abuse with Allison Dagney
Season 1 · Episode 60
Wednesday, September 17, 2025 • Duration 01:03:34
In this episode of That's Where I'm At, Laura and guest Allison K. Dagney share their experiences of healing after covert narcissistic relationships. They explore the challenges of recognizing emotional abuse, navigating divorce, and rebuilding self-worth through therapy, journaling, and supportive communities. Together, they offer hope and practical tools for women on their own healing journeys.
Allison is a best-selling memoirist and emotional abuse recovery coach who helps women rise above toxic cycles and reclaim their strength. After nearly 20 years in a covertly abusive marriage, she transformed her trauma into triumph, later sharing her journey in her books When Tears Leave Scars and Radiate and Rise.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Laura's Divorce & Realization (00:04:08) Laura recounts her divorce, discovering her ex's infidelity, and the clarity that followed about narcissistic abuse.
Leaving a Narcissist: Planning & Survival (00:12:29) They discuss the importance of secret planning, survival mode, and the challenges of leaving an abusive relationship.
Financial Abuse & Legal Strategies (00:20:56) Alison explains legal strategies like "status quo" to maintain financial stability during divorce.
Finding Peace & Adjusting to Freedom (00:28:06) They discuss the unfamiliar feeling of peace and freedom after leaving an abusive relationship.
Writing & Healing: Books and Podcasts (00:33:10) Laura describes her book's structure, the non-linear nature of healing, and the importance of sharing personal stories.
Identity Loss & Rediscovery (00:40:23) They explore how abusive relationships cause loss of identity and the process of rediscovering personal interests.
Quality Over Quantity in Relationships (00:58:11) They reflect on the value of having a smaller, higher-quality support network after leaving abuse.
EP 59: From Surviving to Thriving: Reclaiming Your Power After Narcissistic Abuse with Dr. Tina
Season 1 · Episode 59
Wednesday, September 3, 2025 • Duration 43:48
In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura welcomes Dr. Tina, a holistic brain health practitioner and survivor-turned-guide specializing in recovery from narcissistic abuse. Dr. Tina received her Ph.D. in Neuroscience from the University of Rochester and completed postdoctoral fellowships in psychiatric and nutritional epidemiology at Johns Hopkins and Tufts University. Drawing on both neuroscience and medical intuition, she helps sensitive souls address root causes beyond relationships, surroundings, or symptoms.
Together, Laura and Dr. Tina discuss the challenges of toxic relationships, the importance of boundaries, and the path toward self-love. Dr. Tina shares her personal journey of once feeling like a magnet for toxic people, the strategies she developed to reclaim her power, and how those discoveries shaped her 7-Step UPLIFTS Program—a powerful framework to help clients heal from narcissistic abuse and learn to love again.
Throughout the conversation, she offers practical tools such as somatic practices, mindfulness, and energy protection techniques, while Laura reflects on her own healing journey and advocates for women to share their stories. Known as a dynamic speaker who inspires hope in those navigating chronic health challenges and toxic relationships, Dr. Tina brings wisdom, compassion, and encouragement to anyone ready to reclaim their voice and their power.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Dr. Tina's Personal Journey & Becoming a Practitioner (00:02:33) Dr. Tina shares her experiences with toxic people and how it led her to specialize in this field.
Understanding Boundaries and People-Pleasing (00:03:52) Discussion about the importance of boundaries, people-pleasing, and how these patterns attract toxic individuals.
Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Trauma Release (00:07:14) The role of trauma responses and subconscious work in healing from abuse.
Gray Rock Method & Emotional Detachment (00:10:16) Explanation of the gray rock method and its effectiveness in dealing with narcissists.
EP 58: From Silence to Strength: Laura's Journey of Healing, Boundaries, and Finding Her Voice
Season 1 · Episode 58
Wednesday, August 20, 2025 • Duration 01:21:16
In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura and her guest, Gabi Garland—her podcast producer and close friend—discuss Laura's healing journey after divorcing a narcissistic ex-husband. They explore the challenges of setting boundaries, overcoming shame, and breaking generational cycles of trauma. Laura shares how creating the podcast has empowered her and built a supportive community for survivors. The conversation highlights the importance of vulnerability, self-love, and storytelling in healing, offering hope and practical advice to listeners navigating their own paths to recovery and self-discovery.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Celebrating Two Years & Laura's Transformation (00:01:56) Producer reflects on Laura's growth from fearful to empowered over the past three years.
The Impact of Abuse on Self-Belief (00:09:53) How abuse rewires beliefs and the importance of doing deep inner work.
Support Systems & Newfound Family (00:11:58) The importance of supportive friends and chosen family during healing.
Celebrating Successes & Achievements (00:17:05) Laura's milestones: media appearances, bestselling books, and learning to celebrate herself.
Podcast Growth & External Recognition (00:22:58) Reaching top podcast rankings, media invitations, and the impact of authenticity.
Accountability & Choosing to Heal (00:53:07) Encouragement to seek therapy, question inherited identities, and choose change.
Generational Healing & Family Reconciliation (01:04:46) Changing generational patterns, healing with her children, and doing it for future generations.
The Power of Telling Your Story (01:16:26) Encouragement to share your story, as it may be the key to someone else's healing.
The Worth of the Healing Journey (01:19:00) Reflecting on the value of the healing process and excitement for the future.
EP 57: Breaking the Cycle: Healing from Abuse Through Soul Work and Self-Worth with Michal Spiegelman
Season 1 · Episode 57
Wednesday, August 6, 2025 • Duration 24:52
In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura interviews Michal Spiegelman, a certified professional life coach, Reiki master, spiritual mentor, medical intuitive, and social worker, about healing from abuse and trauma, especially for women. Michal shares her journey from social work to holistic healing after her own trauma, emphasizing that true recovery involves body, soul, and spiritual work—not just talk therapy. The conversation explores practical tools like soul journaling and guided visualization, the importance of self-worth, and setting boundaries. Listeners are encouraged to seek holistic healing approaches and connect deeply with their inner selves for lasting transformation. Michal is the author of 'Becoming Soulful: Six Keys for Profound Transformation in Your Therapy, Coaching, or Healing Practice,' and is passionate about elevating consciousness in the world, one soul at a time. She empowers women and healing professionals alike to become soulful and shine in their personal and professional lives.
Key Topics & Timestamps
The Limits of Talk Therapy (00:03:17) Michal discusses the limitations of traditional therapy and the importance of integrating body and soul work.
The Role of the Soul in Healing (00:05:05) Michal explains the importance of connecting with one's soul for deep, sustainable healing and guidance.
Soul Journaling and Practical Practices (00:11:50) Michal describes practical exercises for connecting with the soul, such as soul journaling and intentional rituals.
Patterns from Past Trauma (00:14:10) Laura and Michal discuss how childhood patterns and beliefs influence current relationships and healing.
Kindness vs. Tolerating Abuse (00:14:34) Michal highlights the common confusion between being kind and tolerating abuse, especially among spiritual women.
EP 56: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse & Toxic Relationships with Marla Bollak
Season 1 · Episode 56
Wednesday, July 23, 2025 • Duration 20:42
In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Marla Bollak, an Interpersonal Relationship Coach and Certified Sacred Depths Coach trained in NLP, neuro-coaching, and trauma. Marla's mission is to empower professionals to clear blocks from within themselves and from toxic relationships in the workplace or family. Her holistic approach integrates the body, mind, emotions, and energetics. She specializes in working with highly functioning, successful professionals who have read all the books, attended all the seminars, tried all the things — with some success — yet the problem remains.
Together, Laura and Marla explore:
Healing from narcissistic abuse and how childhood trauma affects adult relationships
How trauma responses like fawning develop and why nervous system regulation is essential
The power of an empathetic witness in healing
How healing shifts your energy, helping you break free from toxic cycles
The role of vulnerability and compassion in long-term growth and recovery
Whether you're on the path to healing or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical tools, hope, and encouragement.
Key Topics & Timestamps
Marla's Background and Healing Journey (00:02:58) Marla shares her childhood experiences, her healing journey, and her motivation for coaching others.
Why People Don't Intervene (00:08:28) Marla and Laura discuss conflict avoidance, enablers, and the challenges of getting support from others.
Clients' Experiences and Trauma Responses (00:09:24) Marla describes common issues clients face, trauma responses like fawning, and the importance of nervous system regulation.
The Role of the Empathetic Witness (00:12:31) Marla explains the importance of having an empathetic witness in healing and how memories can be changed.
EP 55: Rebuilding Self-Worth After Emotional Abuse with Dr. Jill Rosenthal
Season 1 · Episode 55
Wednesday, July 9, 2025 • Duration 21:26
In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura and guest Dr. Jill Rosenthal, an award-winning Harvard and Stanford educated physician who retired after a 35+ year career and became certified as a wellness and mindset coach, share their personal journeys through trauma, loss, and healing. Dr. Rosenthal's extensive experience and training, coupled with her own transformation from a stressed, overworked, unhealthy physician, wife, and mother into a happy, healthy, thriving coach, make her uniquely equipped to help others release unconscious thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that hold them back, so they can create their dream life. Together, Laura and Dr. Rosenthal discuss the impact of emotional and psychological abuse, the challenges of rebuilding self-worth, and the importance of processing difficult emotions. Through candid conversation, they highlight the power of storytelling, community, and self-compassion in overcoming adversity and reclaiming one's life after trauma.
Introduction & Coping Mechanisms (00:00:00) Discussion on comfort habits, dopamine hits, and how people push away uncomfortable feelings.
Podcast Introduction & Guest Bio (00:00:40) Laura introduces the podcast, shares her mission, and presents Dr. Jill Rosenthal's background and transformation.
Dr. Jill's Personal Journey (00:02:16) Dr. Jill summarizes her life challenges, including loss, illness, and her shift from medicine to coaching.
Impact of Trauma & Feeling Stuck (00:03:30) Exploring how trauma, stress, and feeling stuck affect decision-making and self-worth.
Coping with Trauma & Childhood Programming (00:05:41) Discussion on trauma responses, childhood experiences, and how they shape adult coping mechanisms.
Effects of Emotional Abuse & Decision Paralysis (00:06:45) Laura and Dr. Jill discuss the impact of long-term emotional abuse on the ability to make decisions.
Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse (00:09:09) Laura explains gaslighting, shares her experience, and introduces her book on healing from narcissistic abuse.
Reframing Self-Validation & Self-Respect (00:08:02) Vanessa explains the importance of self-respect and treating yourself as your own best friend.
Vanessa's Epiphanies & Empowerment (00:09:25) Vanessa shares how self-trust led to empowerment, new opportunities, and the start of her coaching journey.
Coaching Focus: Women & Setting Boundaries (00:12:38) Vanessa explains her focus on coaching women and the importance of practicing saying no and setting boundaries.
Self-Reflection: Judging Others & Internal Beliefs (00:17:28) Vanessa discusses how our judgments of others reflect our own internal struggles with boundaries.
Learning Boundaries Through Experience (00:18:34) Laura shares her personal journey of discovering boundaries and the challenges of asserting them.
Levels of Boundaries: With Others & Self (00:20:15) Vanessa explains that boundaries exist on many levels, including with oneself, and shares her own experiences.
Rest, Burnout, and Permission to Slow Down (00:21:12) Discussion about the importance of rest, recognizing burnout, and giving yourself permission to take breaks.
Losing & Gaining Relationships During Growth (00:26:29) Discussion on how healing and setting boundaries can lead to losing some relationships but making space for new, supportive ones.
Normalizing Change in Social Circles (00:30:02) Vanessa normalizes the cycling of people in and out of our lives as we grow and change.
Coping with the Pain of Losing Connections (00:31:20) Acknowledging the emotional difficulty of losing close connections during personal transformation.
Final Thoughts: Trusting Your Authentic Self (00:32:40) Vanessa's closing advice to trust yourself, embrace your authentic self, and reconnect with your inner child.
Being Yourself Attracts Your Tribe (00:34:12) Laura and Vanessa discuss how authenticity and humor help attract like-minded people and foster healing.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Vanessa, 'We have to learn to trust ourselves before we trust anybody else.'
Vanessa, 'The person you have from the moment you're born until the moment you die is you, so you really have to learn how to be your best friend.'
Laura, 'The ultimate act of self-love for me was learning how to set boundaries.'
Vanessa, 'You have to give yourself permission to slow down, because we can't pour from an empty cup.'
Vanessa, 'The key is just trusting yourself and leaning into who you are.'
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Shame, Stigma, and the Need for Conversation (00:08:28) Exploring the shame and societal stigma around divorce, and the importance of open conversations.
Coaching, Dreaming, and Finding Your Voice (00:17:28) Laura and Heidi discuss the role of coaching in helping women dream again and reclaim their voices.
Relationship with Uncertainty and Healing (00:25:45) Learning to manage uncertainty, calm the nervous system, and develop new tools for emotional regulation.
Attracting Healthy Relationships Through Self-Love (00:31:37) Heidi shares how self-love and authenticity attract healthier relationships, both romantic and platonic.
Protecting Emotional Energy and Reclaiming Space (00:40:48) Heidi emphasizes protecting your emotional landscape and reclaiming energy from unhealthy attachments.
Making a "Shit List" and Tracking Emotional Impact (00:44:52) Using a list to remember the negative impacts of an ex and tracking emotional responses to avoid repeating pain.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Heidi, 'I didn't want to admit I was depressed, but I was grieving and resisting it.'
Heidi, 'I woke up one day thinking, I don't even know who I am anymore.'
Laura, 'You deserve to trust your gut again. Spoiler alert: you were never the problem.'
Laura, 'I started my podcast and realized no one ever let me talk.'
Heidi, 'Recovery is self-discovery, and I forgot to continue to decide who I was going to be.'
Heidi, 'It's more about trusting yourself, trusting that no matter what happens, you can handle it.'
Heidi, 'I want people to know you don't have to be afraid of not knowing who you are. All that is, is uncertainty.'
Heidi, 'The more I let go of things that no longer serve me, the more I have space to receive what is.'
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Coaching vs. Therapy: The House Painting Analogy (00:41:51) Kate explains the difference between coaching and therapy, using the analogy of missing a spot while painting.
Kate's Coaching Practice (00:49:33) Kate describes her coaching services, approach, and how women can work with her for personal development and sobriety.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
"Nobody plans on being an alcoholic; it's a very insidious drug that creeps up on us." - Kate
"Give yourself permission to question your relationships when you get sober." - Kate
"Alcohol only fuels your anxiety, and your superpower is getting really clear." - Kate
"Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated." - Kate
"A lot of healing has to do with just discovering our own power through sobriety." - Kate
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Powerful Quotes from the Episode
"I didn't know the depths of hell that a narcissist can do to you." - Alison
"I had to choose me. I'd never chosen me, so I had to choose me.' - Laura
"I cried because I was good at something I was never allowed to try, and someone was saying something nice to me." - Laura
"I totally did not know what self-love was or how to love myself." - Alison
"You have to take the first step, even if you don't see the whole staircase." - Laura
"The key to me is boundaries, but you're not going to get there without self-love." - Laura
"I am changing in a very good way, but that causes people to walk themselves right out of my life. I don't need those kinds of people anymore." - Alison
"People are out there. Your tribe is out there. Unfortunately, you have to let go of the rest to find them." - Laura
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Self-Love and Healing Journey (00:13:35) The importance of self-love, inner work, and the ripple effects of personal healing.
Who Should Seek Dr. Tina's Help (00:39:28) Description of ideal clients and readiness for healing or relationship change.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
"Never too late. Why not live the life you want, right?"
"People with a lot of trauma can have very, very thick heart walls. I had a lot."
"I grew up with narcissists and then I had a narcissist that destroyed my career."
"I like that idea of celebrating your personal best because I think that's so important. It really makes me happy to think about where I was and now where I am."
"I like to tell people, don't try hard. Try easy. Releasing subconscious barriers is the easiest and fastest way to get to where you want to go."
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Self-Love and Breaking Patterns (00:18:50) Laura and Michal discuss the necessity of self-love and worthiness to break cycles of abuse and attract healthier relationships.
Not All Healing Means Divorce (00:21:50) Michal notes that not all clients end up divorcing; some transform their relationships through inner work.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Laura, 00:18:50, 'The biggest thing for me was learning how to love myself and that I had value.'
Michal, 00:19:01, 'Until you feel that you're worthy and until you really learn to love yourself, that's why many women attract relationship after relationship with abuse.'
Laura, 00:20:58, 'I have value, I have worth, and he was unwilling to participate in our life.'
Michal, 00:22:01, 'If we get a divorce and we don't do the inner work, then we just bring the same patterns into the next relationship.'
Michal, 00:22:51, 'To know and to remember that the trauma is stored in the body.'
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Growth Through Healing and No Longer Attracting Bullies (00:15:49) Marla and Laura talk about using adversity for growth and how healing changes their reactions to toxic people.
Energetics and No Longer Attracting Abuse (00:17:06) Marla explains how energetic shifts mean toxic people no longer affect or are attracted to you.
Triggers, Healing with Family, and Vulnerability (00:17:59) Laura shares about being triggered, healing with her children, and the importance of vulnerability in family healing.
Excuses vs. Reasons for Trauma Responses (00:19:09) Marla reframes "excuses" as reasons for trauma responses, encouraging self-compassion.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Laura, 00:00:34, 'Keeping secrets will make you sick, and they always come to light in the end.'
Marla, 00:04:07, 'Don't give up on yourself.'
Laura, 00:07:17, 'I spent 33 years with someone who made me feel like I was the problem every time, no matter what.'
Laura, 00:07:17, 'You deserve to trust your gut again. You deserve to trust you.'
Marla, 00:06:20, 'People would see me being abused in full daylight and nobody stood up for me. They acted like it was normal.'
Laura, 00:12:13, 'What I found was that I wasn't being loved the way I needed to be loved.'
Laura, 00:19:02, 'We've had a lot of good healing and it's taken a lot of vulnerability to get there.'
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YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, RECLAIMING YOUR SANITY AND SELF-WORTH AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
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Overcoming Conditioning & Taking Action (00:10:22) Dr. Jill describes the process of relearning decision-making and removing internal barriers to action.
Overwhelm & Temporary Distractions (00:11:37) Conversation about overwhelm, avoidance behaviors, and why people turn to distractions for comfort.
Pushing Away Feelings & the Bop Clown Analogy (00:12:20) Dr. Jill uses the bop clown metaphor to explain how suppressed feelings resurface and the importance of feeling them.
Healing After Abuse & Setting Boundaries (00:14:23) Discussion on the necessity of healing emotional wounds, developing self-worth, and setting healthy boundaries.
Patterns in Second Relationships (00:17:25) Exploring why unresolved trauma can affect new relationships and the importance of inner work before moving on.
Feeling Safe After Abuse (00:18:54) The difference between rational understanding and truly feeling safe in new relationships.
Conclusion & Resources (00:19:27) Closing remarks, Dr. Jill's website and free gift, encouragement to connect, and final thoughts on healing and community.
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
Laura, 00:00:40, "I believe keeping secrets will make you sick, and that they always come to light in the end. As women, we're often told to be quiet, don't share your story, don't talk about the things we go through. It's making women sick, sad, and suicidal. We don't have to be on the other side to share our story."
Dr. Jill Rosenthal, 00:02:29, "I went through a two and a half year period where I lost both my parents, managed their care from two to three thousand miles away, had foot reconstruction, my husband went into assisted living and now memory care for Alzheimer's disease, and I had breast cancer—surgery, radiation, chemotherapy. There was so much that would make your average person just run screaming from the room. But Jill 2.0 is thriving and happy despite all of the stuff that's going on. There's still stuff going on—my husband is in memory care and doesn't know who I am the last couple of weeks. I'm getting called every other day because he's hitting, kicking, and punching the staff. So I have things to deal with, but it doesn't have to take me down."
Dr. Jill Rosenthal, 00:03:30, "My treatment for my cancer eventually led to a disability retirement from my 35-year medical practice. It was sad, because I loved my patients, I adored my team, I loved what I did, and it was probably killing me with stress. We're so used to taking that—the stress accumulates. We're like the frog in boiling water. Although I was not in a marriage of abuse, my first husband wasn't great to me emotionally, but not like what a lot of people are dealing with. I get what happens when you feel like you have no choices, when you feel stuck in a situation and you can't get out, and when it impacts and changes your thoughts and feelings. You just sort of go, 'Oh, woe is me.' I get that."
Laura, 00:05:41, "I remember towards the end, when you're in psychological and emotional abuse, your brain—I just remember my brain was mush. It had been 33 years. My brain was mush. I couldn't make any choices because, exactly, every choice was wrong. So I did feel stuck in a lot of ways, even just making simple decisions. I remember even after leaving my marriage, talking to my therapist and her saying, 'Just say yes to some good things and see if you like them.' Because I'm like, 'I don't know.' I call myself Laura 2.0. I think it's great, but it's so true. We're not dead, so we're not done. There's still time to do what you want to do. But I just remember going, 'I don't know what's next.'"
Laura, 00:09:09, "I spent 33 years with someone who made me feel like I was the problem for everything that was wrong in our lives."
Laura, 00:12:14, "I need sunshine. I am a houseplant. I need oxygen and sunshine and some water."
Dr. Jill Rosenthal, 00:15:49, "Unless you heal this, you're still carrying it around. It's on your shoulders, it's in big, heavy suitcases—the old ones, not the ones with the spinner wheels that you just kind of roll. Unless you heal it, it's still there, and it's still talking to you, and you're still feeling it. So you take it everywhere you go."
Dr. Jill Rosenthal, 00:16:44, "If you've been in a relationship where somebody has really beaten you down like that, you have to heal the damage that's been done to your psyche, and you have to heal that feeling of self-worth. You have to learn to get better boundaries, but you have to be able to do it in a way that is constructive."
Laura, 00:20:53, "I have a heart for helping women because I felt so alone after my divorce, and I don't want anybody to feel that way."
Laura, 00:21:02, "This is why we do these things, right? We didn't want anybody else to feel the way that we did."
RESOURCES:
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, RECLAIMING YOUR SANITY AND SELF-WORTH AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE ebook: GET IT HERE
MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
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