Welcome to Tender Being with Harriet Hamid-Collett - Join me, Harriet, as I explore the big feelings, and the small moments. Connecting with supportive practices, with nature and the seasons, and with an inspiring community to soothe, validate and warm our tender hearts.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tenderbeingwithharriethc.substack.com
Tender Conversations series Ep3: Finding your voice, online access needs & somatic pacing with Helen
Friday, April 17, 2026 • Duration 58:57
Show notes and full transcript are available here:
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tenderbeingwithharriethc.substack.com
Episode 9: Winter Solstice 2024
Saturday, December 21, 2024 • Duration 16:11
As I approached planning both this year’s live Winter Solstice session, as well as the prompts for this podcast, I decided to change things up a little.
Previously I have focused on the concept of gratitude and tying this into the ‘feast of yule’ - feasting on our gratitude and letting it nourish us!
But this year I felt much more drawn to a different invitation from this festival. The invitation of the darkness and stillness to acknowledge and accept ourselves just as we are. To stop striving for change and to try to access some tenderness and compassion for the parts of ourselves that we might leave in the dark or might strive to fix.
Perhaps it’s the messy goo of the matresence period, or the dire state of the world, or a combination of all things, but this felt like the invitation that I wanted to give and meet.
My hope is that by offering this invitation, we might start to embrace more of the parts of us that don’t seem so shiny. The parts that are real and deserve acceptance and grace.
As always, I’ve included the prompts below if you would like to use them in whatever way makes sense to you. Please do feel free to comment below if you’d like to share anything that comes up for you as you go through them.
Warmest wishes to you
Prompts:
* I will offer myself grace when…
* I want to invite in compassion for…
* I hold tenderly the part of myself…
* I understand why I…
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Episode 8: Samhain 2024
Saturday, October 26, 2024 • Duration 14:54
Reaching the end of the growth part of the year, Samhain can be seen as an invitation to turn inwards. Nourishing our roots in preparation for, and as the start of the hibernation season.
The focus on this episode is around nourishing ourselves, and recognising that caring for ourselves is necessary to sustain us for caring for each other.
Listen to hear my reflections around prompts in this theme, and also please see below for the prompts so that you can explore these yourself.
I’d love to connect about any reflections, insights, questions - come on in to the comments section or send me a message!
Here are the prompts from this episode:
🌿 I want to spend time…
🌿 I will try to prioritise…
🌿 I want to make space for…
🌿 I will try to invite…
Here is a link for the video that I created of the poem I mentioned ‘The Unbroken’ by Rashani Réa
And if you would like to join us for the Community Samhain Event on 2nd November, you can learn more about the Pay what you can system Community Membership here:
You can also stay up to date with my work and receive practices for each Celtic Wheel Festival via my Mailing List.
Tender Being with Harriet Hamid-Collett is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tenderbeingwithharriethc.substack.com
Episode 7: Autumn Equinox 2024
Saturday, September 21, 2024 • Duration 09:42
Welcome back for the seventh episode of the podcast and fifth Celtic Wheel episode - this time marking the Autumn Equinox.
The prompts are below so that you can engage with these in your own time and in your own ways. Please do feel free to share any thoughts or reflections you have from these prompts - I’d love to connect!
Also there is a link for the Autumn Equinox Self-Paced workbook (which I appropriately imperfectly forgot to mention). This covers the invitations that we go through in the live sessions, so you can access this in your own time and space.
As always, I’d love to connect - please do share in the comments if you’d like to have space for your reflections and connection.
Prompts:
Where do I need to find more balance?
Harvest -
I am proud of…
I am grateful for…
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tenderbeingwithharriethc.substack.com
Episode 6: Lammas 2024
Sunday, July 28, 2024 • Duration 13:58
Welcome back for the sixth episode of the podcast and fourth Celtic Wheel episode - this time marking the festival of Lammas.
The prompts are below so that you can engage with these in your own time and in your own ways. Please do feel free to share any thoughts or reflections you have from these prompts - I’d love to connect!
The transcript should be available via your chosen podcast player (substack / spotify / apple podcasts) but if not please let me know and I can send you a copy.
Prompts:
On Sacrifice/Letting go
I am letting go of…
I will allow myself to stop…
On Creation and Gratitude
I see that I am creating…
I am grateful that I have…
Links:
Carescapes by Margeaux Feldman Article :
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Episode 5: Summer Solstice 2024
Saturday, June 22, 2024 • Duration 17:00
Welcome back for the fifth episode of the podcast and third Celtic Wheel episode - this time marking the Summer Solstice.
The prompts are below so that you can engage with these in your own time and in your own ways.
The transcript should be available via your chosen podcast player (substack / spotify / apple podcasts) but if not please let me know and I can send you a copy.
Please do feel free to share any thoughts or reflections you have from these prompts - I’d love to connect!
Prompts:
🌻 The season that has been - Reflecting on your year so far.
A moment of joy/nourishment this season was...
I offer myself compassion for...
This season taught/ showed me...
🌻 The season that is to come - Looking ahead to the rest of the year
My hopes for the season to come are...
Looking forward I feel a sense of…
I am entering this season with the intention...
If you’re interested in joining my Mindfulness for Health course you can find out more here or click the button below. It’s pay what you can and if you’d like to connect and ask any more questions about it you can book a chat with me.
Or if you’d like to connect about working with me one-to-one then you can book a chat here, find out more about my coaching on my website. I am offering some free one-off sessions for the first few people to book and there are still several slots remaining so get in touch if you’d like one of these.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Episode 4: The Breath and Mindfulness
Wednesday, May 8, 2024 • Duration 16:02
This episode is exploring a little bit about the role of the breath in mindfulness practice.
Content note: mention of disordered breathing, pregnancy and labour
I share some personal experiences as well as my perspective as a teacher, sharing that the breath can be a brilliant ‘anchor’ but is also not necessarily ‘neutral’ or appropriate for all people in all circumstances.
I explore some different ways the breath is understood and used in mindfulness and meditation practices, as well as sharing two of my favourite go to breath-based practices.
Below are the links mentioned in the show -
Free practices on Insight Timer:
As part of Mindful May I am hosting a free mindfulness event which you can learn more about and book your space here:
And if you are interested in potentially joining my 8 week course ‘Mindfulness for Stress’ starting in the summer, you can get in touch to join the waiting list via email / Substack / instagram:
Email - harriet@kindredsoil.co.uk
The transcript should be available via the streaming service automatically that you’re listening in (Substack / Spotify / Apple podcasts), but if there are any issues with this then please do get in touch and I can send you a transcript - harriet@kindredsoil.co.uk
Thanks again for being here and for listening, it means a lot. Would love to know your thoughts or any questions or ideas that come up for you while listening - come get involved in the comments or feel free to send me a direct message.
Warmest wishes
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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Episode 3: Beltane / Bealtaine 2024
Saturday, April 27, 2024 • Duration 23:06
Welcome back for the third episode of the podcast and second Celtic Wheel episode - this time celebrating Beltane!
The prompts are below, as well as various links mentioned during the episode and the transcript is below these.
Please do feel free to share any thoughts or reflections you have from these prompts - I’d love to connect!
And if you’d like to join us for the live event on 1st May there are spaces available here!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
Episode 2: Spring Equinox 2024
Sunday, March 24, 2024 • Duration 17:15
Dear Tender Being,
Thank you so much for joining me for a second episode of the podcast! And for the first Celtic Wheel episode.
I hope you enjoy it and would love to connect with you further. I’ve included the prompts, as well as some additional ‘shuttles’ in case you’d like these to help you keep weaving the thread of your responses.
Prompts:
* Where am I noticing signs of growth already?
- I have grown…
- I am growing…
- I am becoming…
* What nurturing do I need to support my growth?
- I need to have…
- I need to keep…
- I want to offer myself…
What comes up for you with these prompts? How do you feel drawn to respond or engage with them? You might like to journal, or draw, move your body or simply sit in quiet reflection with whatever arises.
I have also linked below the resources mentioned in the episode and the transcript.
Thank you again for being here, all my warmest wishes,
Harriet
Resources for learning more about the Celtic Wheel -
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit
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Welcome to tender being with Harriet Hamid-Collett. Join me, Harriet, as I explore the big feelings and the small moments, connecting the supportive practices with nature in the seasons. And with an inspiring community to soothe, validate, and warm our tender hearts.
Welcome back for the third episode of the tender being podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And thank you for the comments and messages I've received. It feels very vulnerable to put this stuff out there. So it's really lovely to know that it's resonating with some of you. And if you'd like to get involved in the conversation, please do come on over to substack or just send me a message. So this third episode is going to also be our second Celtic wheel episode. And today we're going to be exploring Beltane or BL tena Beltane or BL tena is celebrated on the first of May, and Beltane translates roughly to bright fire, or BLT now also is Gaelic word for the month of May. And this is the midpoint between the spring equinox, the summer solstice, and it's often thought of as being the birth of summer. And this can be seen as a time of growth, it's probably the time of most growth in all the year. That's also can be seen as a time of creativity and inspiration. And so, what in this episode, what I'm going to do is I'm going to, as before explore some prompts that I normally use in my live sessions. And I'm going to share my responses to these prompts. And I'm also going to put the prompts in the show notes on substack, if you would like to explore these yourself, and I would love to know how you get on with that. And just a little note a little aside to say that, normally in the sessions, we would have two prompts that we might use for journaling or reflection, however people want to use them. And then I have other prompts or themes that come through in the other in their meditations or somatic exercises, the other activities that we do in the session. And the two prompts today, I wanted to explore but I also felt like I wanted to bring in one of the other questions that we normally explore in the meditation part of this session, just because it felt quite pertinent, quite important and meaningful to explore this festival to explore Beltane br Tina in this way, too. So I'm going to add that one on at the end. And again, I'll share that in the show notes.
The first prompt is what are you grateful for in this season. And the first thing that came to mind for me, which is a very complicated one, is that I'm really grateful for my health being as manageable as it is at the moment. And this is complex, this feels complicated, and kind of a bit sticky to share because of lots of reasons. Firstly, because I know that it's a huge privilege to have seen improvements in my health, and that not everybody gets those. And to be very clear that those that they the improvements are not because I've done something more or because I've tried harder or eaten more or done more yoga or anything, there's no there's no logic or fairness to who sees improvements. From my perspective. It's it's just pure luck, really. And I had been very nervous about pregnancy and what that might mean for my health, as well as the demands of parenthood. And so far, my symptoms have been actually less than they were before. But also one of the other reasons that this feels complicated. I never really want to say that I've had improvements or say that my health is seeming more stable or improved because it always feels like jinxing it. That's something that my brain likes to latch on to and think that I'm a I'm that I'm that I'm jinxing it that I shouldn't even say out loud, that it's staying better because it will get worse. And I think those of us who have experience of chronic illness or if you know someone have a loved one with chronic illness, you know that these things are fluctuating and that you never really feel like you're safe or that you're out of it. And to be clear, I still have symptoms I'm not, I'm not recovered. And I don't ever expect to be recovered. Because the conditions that I've developed are lifelong things, but they're just somewhat in remission, or kind of more, a lot more manageable for me at the moment. So yeah, I'm feeling hugely, hugely grateful for that, even if it feels somewhat fragile, or possibly temporary, but I'm just trying to enjoy it and make the most of it while I can. I'm also really enjoying seeing how much my little one is developing at the moment, he's suddenly become, like, in the last week or so become so much more communicative and aware and loads, more smiles and giggles. And also more frustration that comes with that he's kind of preparing to crawl. And that's I saw something that compared those kind of developmental leaps for babies with having like a project, and that they need time to practice it. So he's seeing lots of floor time and working on that. But it also kind of makes me laugh and really empathize with him, because I see him getting frustrated, I think of my myself working on a project and being excited about it, but also getting frustrated. But yeah, I'm really, really grateful for just the ways in which I'm getting to know him and the moments that I'm getting with him. And he's also able to forward face in the carrier now. And it's he's so delighted to see more of the world. And that kind of makes me a little bit more delighted to see the world as well. So that's really nice. I'm also managing to be out in nature a little bit more with little one, and kind of in different ways. So I'd have to rely on the pram which is a bit hit and miss, sometimes he's up for it. And sometimes he is not a fan of the pram. But with the forward facing walk, it's always gonna be unless it's heavily raining, it's always going to be a great option because he's so interested in everything. So it's meant that we can go for walks outside. And he's really interested we take slow walks and stop often by all the bushes and plants and he has a feel of them and smell and it almost feels like many forest bathing sessions that we're engaging with. Except that normally on my forest bathing sessions, I don't have to check that people aren't putting all the leaves and flowers into their mouth. The final thing that I have been thinking about being grateful for is the timing of this training that I've just started. So I've just started an advanced coaching training with SAS Petherick. And this is about developmental approaches to coaching and particularly with a focus on self doubt and self belief. And it's feeling so pertinent to my life right now because I'm really noticing, with parenting such huge self doubt coming in. Like I I'm definitely someone I think most people experience self doubt in some way. And I have experienced it before but this feels like a really new level perhaps because it feels like a kind of bigger responsibility than I've ever had before, I guess. But it's been really great to have this Come along now to be exploring it and learning and applying it to myself as well as being very excited about applying it within my one to one work that I'm going to be offering with people. So yeah, I'm feeling really glad that I signed up for this training and very grateful to SAS for what I'm learning within it.
Second prompt is what are you feeling proud of in this season? And one thing that I'm feeling really proud of is that I managed to go to a protest with little one, and with my mom. And I was really stressed about attending on various levels, mainly kind of managing the experience for a little one for how he would find it. Also from COVID perspective, from an energy perspective, it's just a lot of new things to navigate. So I was really quite nervous about it. So we went to a protest that was held in Bath, which was this funeral for mother nature. So it was a climate protest. And it was a huge procession. So we all wore black as mourners in the procession. And then there were the red rebels. If you haven't heard of them, they are a troop who dress up in these amazing red outfits, it was it was visually very striking. And my dad had been very involved in the organization of the stewarding for it. And so I was really glad to be able to make it. It was quite challenging in that there was a marched was a square, and then there was a big silent procession. And obviously, that was the point at which it was a silent procession, but with some drumming, and I think the drumming might have been a bit much, I think little and was also tired. So that silent bit was a bit at which he started really crying. So I was quite nervous, a bit thrown. But I just tried to stay as calm as I could. I tried to cover different things, it was also Sunny, which is a bit of a challenge with the son going in his eyes. I just took him out the pram and I put him in the carrier on me. And I just tried to sway and stay calm, and keep myself calm. And I managed to get him to sleep. And then we carried on the rest of the procession with him in the carrier, and my mum took the pram. And this might sound like quite a small thing for lots of people. But for me, it felt like a really big thing to have done. And I felt like I showed myself that I can cope, I can look after him outside of the house with unknowns and with with challenges, and that I can trust my instincts. And I can trust my knowledge of him and my relationship with him. And that also things will go wrong, because it did go wrong. And it was okay. So that is something that I feel proud of. And I guess this is part of the bigger theme of what I am taking some pride in of that I can feel that there are some building blocks of self belief in terms of my role as a parent that are emerging. So I'm still noticing, and more and more aware of this. Now during the training of sass, that I'm doing a lot of external, looking for external validation or external guidance, and that I'm looking out for expertise. But there are some these threads of self belief that are gradually guiding me back to asking myself what do I think. And these threads are gradually getting stronger. Even though I notice also when there are changes and there are difficult things. I very much revert back to looking externally. But again, I think that these threads will hopefully be a guide back to coming back to myself and my instincts. And the final thing that occurred to me that I am feeling proud of is that I am being a bit braver about just putting myself out there putting my words out there, you know, starting this podcast, but allowing myself to do that imperfectly. And that's not to say that I thought that the words or the work that I was putting out before was perfect, but I was definitely taking longer to tweak and probably procrastinating, not feeling brave about putting stuff out there and worrying about how it would be received and I'm just trying to push past this idea of waiting until it feels ready because things may never feel totally ready because first times are doing things are nerve racking. And each new thing that I put out there, and I'm so excited about doing some new things, that's, it's not gonna feel perfect necessarily, like this podcast, doing it imperfectly is better than waiting for it to be perfect and therefore never sharing it at all. And those who are on my mailing list will have seen that I've shared some of the stuff that I'm either putting out there now or getting ready to do. And I'm starting to invite people into my process of my plans for what I'm hoping to deliver. And that feels quite freeing in a way to say, you know, I'm having these ideas, and I'm, I'm hoping to put on these programs. And if you're interested, let me know. Rather than saying, I've got this perfect thing that's already for you Come and join me. And it does, it feels vulnerable. But also, it feels more in tune with the way that I am with the way that I work in the way that I want to be and encourage other people to be to, to enjoy the process of things rather than focusing on end results, letting go of any attempts to be perfect, or at least trying to.
The third prompt is what lights you up. And this is inspired by the translation of Beltane into bright fire, thinking about what lights a fire beneath us, what makes us feel lit up and alive. And the strong theme that came to me for my answer for this was community was connecting and engaging with community. And this came up in different ways. So I thought about the protest and about the way that being with people felt so different about even though we were there for this funeral for mother nature is very difficult thing very overwhelming, in terms of engaging with the climate crisis, climate emergency that were in, that being in community made that make more sense for me, I felt this solidarity and I felt this connection, I'm less alone in looking at these topics. And also for me community is about holding space for big feelings. For others. This is what I love doing. That's why I love my work and the work that I do. So I recently trained with the climate psychology Alliance, to run climate cafes and I'm this is that's kind of like a circle space, focused on climate and feelings around climate. It's the model comes from death cafes, which was the kind of grief circle. And although it might sound strange, I'm really feeling quite lit up by this idea of grief being the thing that connects so much of the things that I'm thinking about in the world of the ways that people do or don't engage with the issues that are going on. And that I'm kind of feeling really drawn myself to trying to create spaces for grief for the big feelings, which I already do, but kind of really leaning into the into the into the grief and into the more difficult feelings and really giving permission for that. And I always feel quite lit up when I come out of the circle spaces, the events that I hold where people really share from the heart and you see the way that it resonates with other people, it gives them permission to do the same. And I also know that being in spaces like that for me, and I know for other people, I've had feedback that it it, it can come out into the rest of your life as well seeing that the way that people share these difficult feelings kind of gives us permission to do that outside of those spaces in our everyday life a bit more. And I think the more that we do that, the more connected we can all be the more we can move towards the kind of world that we want to be living in. A final thing thing that has really been lighting me up in what feels like very dark times has been to see this flotilla that has been building this project, I'll put links to it in the show notes in case you haven't seen or heard about it. But a flotilla of volunteers of people, everyday people who are going to take 1000s of tonnes of aid to Gaza. And we don't know whether they will get through, we don't know that, you know, their aid isn't isn't enough to cover all the need. But it's, it's a start. And it's people taking things into their own hands. And I just feeling so energized by that, by this by seeing this because I think a lot of the ways in which we can try to make the world better and fight the injustice is that we're seeing are through the systems that are already in place. So writing to our MPs and signing petitions. And that is all very important. And also, I find that sometimes becomes very draining because I think about the people that I'm writing to and the people in power, and it's often not in their interests, because they have vested interests in, for example, because you see an arc having vested interests in the oil in Gaza. And I feel really drained by trying to change the systems that are self fulfilling and don't want to change. And so the idea of these people just taking it in their own hands and doing this, it's just yeah, as you might be able to tell it was really lit me up and made me very excited. So yeah, I will put a notes in the show notes, so you can see and learn a bit more about that.
So those are my reflections for this Celtic wheel episode. And I have put all the prompts in the show notes. And if you want to engage with these yourself, please do in whatever way feels good for you. If you'd like to share, I'd love to know how you're getting on what your reflections are from these and what lights you up. And also just to mention that I'm running a Beltane event on the first of May. And there are still three tickets left at the time of recording this. So if you would like to check that out. I will put a link to that in the show notes as well. Tickets are available on Eventbrite and if you have any questions just let me know. Thank you so much for being here and for listening and I look forward to connecting with you again soon.
Brilliant article by Chetna Mehta with the wonderful spring quote:
Transcript -
Welcome to tender being with Harriet Hamid-Collett. Join me Harriet as I explore the big feelings and the small moments, connecting the supportive practices with nature in the seasons, and with an inspiring community to soothe, validate, and warm our tender hearts Welcome back for this second episode of the tender being podcast.
Thank you so much for being here. And welcome to the first Celtic wheel episode, I'm very excited to talk to you about the spring equinox. And for those who know the dates, I know that this is a little bit late, but I'm just giving myself some grace around that. And being thankful that I got the episode done at all. So thank you for your understanding too in advance.
So for anyone who isn't aware of the Celtic wheel, sometimes called the Wheel of the Year. This is an ancient way of marking and celebrating the changing seasons of the year. So within the Celtic wheel or the Wheel of the Year, there are eight different festivals. There are two equinoxes spring which is where we're at. And then on the other side of the wheel, there's autumn, then there's the two solstices. So you may have heard of winter solstice and summer solstice, which are also opposite each other on the wheel. If you imagine kind of eight spokes on a wheel, that's what it looks like. And then between those are the four fire festivals. So there's bealtaine, llamas, and sourin and Imbolc.
I learned about the Wheel of the Year, a couple of years ago, and I at that point was really needing a connection to nature feeling quite lost and wanting to see signs of the turning of time and the seasons changing. And it just became a really helpful model and path kind of prompt from nature to follow for me. And so I started running sessions on this and haven't looked back since.
If the wheel of the year is something that you'd like to learn more about. I will put some links in the show notes for resources, or books and podcasts and different bits if you'd like to explore it further.
For this episode, I'm going to talk to you about the spring equinox. So this year that landed on the 20th of March for us in the northern hemisphere, and the equinoxes. So there's the spring equinox and the autumn equinox. And these are days that mark when the day and night are equal. So there's quite a strong theme of balance within these. The spring equinox, sometimes also called Ostara, is the midpoint between winter and summer. So this is the point at which the days are growing lighter and longer. And we see the signs of spring. So there are themes of birth and energy and growth. And it's quite creative, potentially time. There's a kind of feeling of the building energy sometimes called the quickening, which is really interesting for me now reflecting on because that's also the name that they use when you first feel the movements of your baby when you're pregnant. So there's almost this sense of feeling that energy under the ground, ready to be birthed out into the world, this kind of rumbling and growing sense of quickening and energy.
As I mentioned, I hold events that are around the themes of the festivals of the Wheel of the Year. And these events are kind of a mix of circle space and meditation and journaling prompts and they have a similar format each time but we explore the different prompts from the festivals. I haven't actually run one since Loma since back in August due to having my baby in September. But I really love these events. And there's a really beautiful community that's built around these of people who regularly come and attend. There's always a mix of these regulars and then some newcomers, and everybody's always welcome and welcoming. And I always leave with such a full heart from everybody's beautiful sharings and the way that people show up and hold the space for each other.
And within these events, they're often quite large groups and we have a limited amount of time. So I want to make sure that I hold it as a spacious and slow space and make sure everyone's got time to share everything that they would like to share. So I don't always join in with my own sharings. If we have a smaller group than I will, I will join in and I will share. But in the interest of spaciousness when we have a full full group, I don't do that. So my plan for these podcasts the Celtic wheel episodes is that this can actually be a space to share some of my reflections that I would use for the prompts section of the event. So often people would do journaling, but you can use the prompts for reflection for the creative output, whatever they inspire you to do. And then we would go around and share. So my thinking is that this can be a space for me to share my responses to the prompts. And then I will also include them in the show notes, and they'll be in the transcript of the episode. So if you'd like to come and join in, then you might be someone who's not able to join us at the live events for different reasons, you could come and hold a space with us in the comment section, where you can send me a message, and we can connect about your feelings about the prompts, what came up for you, or you might have responses to my sharing. So yeah, I would love to create this kind of interactive engagement around this.
The first prompt is “where am I noticing signs of growth already?”. And it was interesting for me thinking about this prompt, because actually, I realised that I had been feeling this sense of the opposite kind of sense of shrinking of, I guess the life with a baby is there are more limitations in terms of just the ease of decisions and the ease of kind of doing a lot of things, everything's a lot more complicated, I have a lot more responsibility. I have a huge amount of love. But it's was interesting that the idea of growth made me think about shrinking actually.
And I think it was also helpful for me to reflect on the fact that it kind of felt like quite a brutal change from not being a parent to being a parent, I found that very disorienting, I've written about that in my Substack quite a lot. And talked about how I really felt very validated and seen by the work of Lucy Jones and hubback matresence. But it's kind of this immediate, change this, just one moment, and then the next and your identity has completely shifted, and kind of feeling my the rug pulled out from under my feet. But also, this reflection of now six months in six and a half months in that actually there is the growth and that I'm growing into a parent. I kind of suddenly took on the mantle and it felt very heavy and overwhelming and it still does, but I can feel I'm slowly building a foundation of a bit more understanding of who I am, of who my baby is a bit a little bit more confidence growing day by day. Just some little building blocks, some little buds of understanding and confidence kind of creeping through and feeling a little bit more grounded in it all.
I'm also reminded of a really amazing quote that was in a substack article by Chetna Mehta that has really stuck with me. The quote is, “when a seed sprouts, it's a violent process, the skin breaks and splits into something dies and something is born.” this quote is from Michelle Cassou. And I felt like this was a really important part for me of my experience at the moment of matresence. And also matresence while witnessing a genocide and the juxtaposition of kind of feeling like life is going on while it's not for so many people and just the grief and difficulty of that.
And just this point that spring isn't necessarily this just positive time of flowers and sunshine, it actually can have a darker side. And this is true of nature. Generally, I think we sometimes like to think of nature as this purely good, benevolent thing. But there's a lot of darkness in nature too. And that doesn't mean that we can't learn from it. So I really appreciated this quote, and also, the article is brilliant. So I will link that in the show notes.
But I do feel some sense of growth in non conventional kind of way, I feel like I'm growing in my capacity to accept imperfection, mainly through being forced to kind of just move forward, I can't, I can't sit around because I have to have to keep going and be busy with with the little one. And I have limited time limited resources. And there's a lot of high emotions, and a lack of control. So I just have to do my best and kind of root back into the fact that my motivations are good. And try to find some kindness for myself. Within that, can because I found that since becoming a parent, I've really had some of the most self critical inner dialogue, like I've really surprised myself with some of the ways I've spoken to myself, it's been very unkind and very lacking in self belief as well. And I think that comes from a lot of internalized stuff that doesn't align with my values. So I'm trying to bring awareness to that. And just gently nudge forward the kind of quiet, brave voice that challenges this, as I'm keeping going.
The second prompt is “what nurturing do I need to support my growth?” So I kind of touched on this already, in my last answer of that I need to speak to myself a bit more kindly, I need to be aware of the insidious ways that internalized nastiness from society is showing up for me. I guess potentially, because I'm feeling more vulnerable, probably because I'm having less sleep, so maybe less able to notice it before it kind of grows and snowballs. So yeah, speaking more kindly to myself and trying to challenge the horrible stuff that comes up.
And then another way that I feel like I need to be a bit more nurturing is to give myself a bit of a break from input of stuff, a bit of time for just quiet, and reflection, as much quiet time as you can have with a young baby. But even when I'm with my baby all day, there are moments when I'm feeding him or he's napping on me, and I'm automatically going to social media or TV and always taking in a lot of stuff. And there's obviously a really important need to be updated about what's going on in the world. And I want to maintain that and make sure but I want to do that in an intentional way. And make sure that I'm actually using my energy that I have, in a strategic way where I can make sure that I'm taking actions, keep writing to my MP, building community and not just falling into the pattern of taking in information all the time, because I think my brain is exhausted, and I'm not really taking it in very well.
And I don't always need to be consuming stuff. I think it also maybe comes from a sense of feeling like I need to always be developing and bettering myself. And there's maybe a kind of exaggeration of that or kind of worsening of that because of not working so much at the moment because of the baby. And again, that's not something that aligns with my values. So I don't want to be listening to that pressure that is showing up for me. So I'm going to try and be a bit more mindful of having quietness, just letting my brain be quiet, letting it reflect on the information that's already taken in.
I also want to do keep remembering that making mistakes is how we learn. Because I'm making mistakes all the time, there are so many micro decisions. There are so many ways in which I can't yet fully communicate with my baby. And I'm not hearing what he's needing from me, but I'm trying my best. And I'm coming back to this sense of compassion that I need for this again, just knowing that my motivation is good. And I'm showing up and I'm learning and just taking it bit by bit.
And I also want to offer myself more opportunities for connecting with community in whatever way I can make that possible. And that feels quite exciting to be starting, invest and hopefully starting conversations around the podcast. And I've really enjoyed connections with people on substack. And that really works for me, because the asynchronous way of it means that I can come and try to give my full attention when I have the spaces. And I know that I'm not letting people down in the times when I can't give my full attention. So yeah, reconnecting with community and bringing some kindness. So those are my sharings my reflections for the Spring Equinox 2024.
Thank you so much for listening. And if you'd like to use these prompts for yourself, I'm going to put them in the notes below. And I would really love to hear any reflections that you've got. If you'd be happy to share. You can comment or you can message me and thank you so much for being here sending you spring equinox blessings, and looking forward to connecting with you again soon.
