Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating – Details, episodes & analysis

A woman writes in to Tracy and Sarah after suspecting that her best friend has been cheating with her now ex-husband. This friend has been cagey, unsupportive, and just admitted that she's been a cheater before. The letter writer wants to confront her friend about her behavior, but should she? Would it be better to ghost her instead? Or let it blow over? 

With the recent buzz about Chump Nation in the New Yorker and the Cut, Tracy takes on the haters. Consider it a teaching opportunity. Here's three common infidelity tropes and how to defang them: Bothsiderism (What did you do to make them cheat?); Infidelity is complex (You're a black and white thinker); and Quit Playing the Victim (You're too bitter and emotional). 

Sarah Manguso has written the ultimate chump novel: Liars. Jane is a woman who endures marriage to, and divorce from, a textbook fuckwit. It dramatizes marital betrayal, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control in a way we all know deep in our bones.
 
Manguso says, "It's a novel, so of course it's all fiction—except for the parts that are true."

During the pandemic, Manguso's cheating husband abandoned her and their son. It became fodder for Liars. 

She the author of nine books, most recently the novel Very Cold People. Liars, is forthcoming on July 23 from Hogarth Books in the US and August 22 from Picador in the UK. Her other books include a story collection, two poetry collections, and four acclaimed works of nonfiction: 300 Arguments, Ongoingness, The Guardians, and The Two Kinds of Decay. Her work has been recognized by a Guggenheim Fellowship and the Rome Prize, and her writing has been translated into twelve languages. She grew up in Massachusetts and now lives in Los Angeles.

Was there a moment in your relationship, before you knew about the cheating, in which you look back and regret not leaving then? In this episode, listeners answer that question. The casual cruelities. The weird absences. The disconnect from family life. And the double lives that are later revealed that make sense of it all. 

Jake and Christine saw an announcement on the Chump Lady site for people who were impacted by the Ashely Madison hack scandal. The were both filmed for the Netflix documentary, but their stories of leaving cheaters and overcoming betrayal were not included. Jake's wife had multiple affairs on the site, and he found out when one of the affair partners contacted him. Christine discovered her boyfriend's double life and then catfished him on the dating site. These are their stories. The ones that don't end in reconciliation. 

Following up from last week's episode, Sarah weighs in on her observations (and revulsions) on the Ashley Madison Neflix series. Is it possible this many serial cheaters exist? Does that guy in the pink flamingo shirt sunning himself by the poolside have any conscience? Is Noel Biderman's wife a chump or an accomplice? It's a deep vein of snark and commentary.

The new Netflix docuseries on the Ashley Madison hack purports to look at the complexities around infidelity. Instead, it's the same old message about reconciliaton and not judging cheaters for their sexuality. Deception -- as experienced by chumps, not Noel Biderman -- is left out of the discussion. Tracy Schorn, aka Chump Lady, riffs on the characters and missed opportunities to have a fuller conversation.

In this episode we discuss how cheaters devalue their partners while simulataneously love bombing their affair partners. Listeners share stories of what their cheaters did for Schmoopies, but not them or their children. From little gestures like cooking dinner or holding hands, to outrageous injustices like stiffing your kids thousands in back child support while paying for private school for the new family -- it's an exercise in trust that they suck. 

A discounted chocolate Easter egg for a 13-year-old's birthday... weeks past Easter. American-flag themed polar fleece. The same gift the Other Woman got, only in the wrong size. In this episode Tracy and Sarah lampoon the Worst Cheater Gifts. Narcissists aren't known for their gift giving, as demonstrated by listeners' submissions of the most thoughtless and tasteless presents ever. The thought did not count. 

Comedian Kat moved to the UK for love over 20 years ago. Then her husband left her for his old girlfriend -- who she thought was a family friend. The kids all go to school together. Now she's divorced and stuck in her adopted home country and can't leave because of the divorce and co-parenting arrangement. And she sees the Other Woman every time she does school pickups. How do you find the humor in that?