Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers – Details, episodes & analysis

Amy Betters-Midtvedt, author of You'll Make It, and They Will Too, joins us to share her experience raising five teenagers and offers practical advice on effective communication, handling dating and social media, and fostering mental health and responsibility.

Full Show Notes

Parenting teens can often feel like navigating a minefield, fraught with miscommunications, emotional upheavals, and a constant barrage of new challenges. Many parents find themselves at a loss, longing for the days when their greatest worry was whether their child would eat their vegetables or play nicely with others. When it comes to teenagers, the stakes often feel much higher, and the navigation significantly murkier.

How do you maintain open lines of communication with your teen? What should you do when they break the rules or need direction? How can you help them deal with the pressures of social media, or the heartbreak of their first serious relationship?

We’re joined this week by Amy Betters-Midtvedt, an author and seasoned parent who knows these challenges all too well. Amy is the author of the new book, You'll Make It, and They Will Too: Everything No One Talks About When You're Parenting Teens. With five teenagers of her own, Amy has seen and experienced the multitudes of teenage tribulations and triumphs. Her engaging narratives and insightful advice have garnered her over a million readers and appearances in publications like HuffPost and Parents Magazine.

The Inspiration Behind the Book

Amy reveals that the idea for her book came from personal moments of loneliness and confusion, wondering if other parents dealt with similar struggles. She highlights that conversations about parenting teens often fall silent, creating isolation for parents. Her goal with the book is to provide guidance and camaraderie, sharing wisdom and commiserative anecdotes in an easily digestible format.

Effective Communication with Teens

One of the standout strategies Amy discusses is the power of noticing and naming positive behaviors. Highlighting what children are doing right can help reinforce those behaviors, whereas constantly pointing out what they’re doing wrong can tear down their self-esteem and create friction. As an educator, Amy understands the profound impact that language can have on shaping a child's self-perception and her approach has been both simple and transformative.

Different Kids, Different Rules

Amy’s experience with five unique children underscores the necessity of individualizing rules and expectations. She compares this to how different injuries require different treatments rather than a one-size-fits-all approach. This strategy is respectful of each child’s individual journey and needs, rather than trying to enforce uniformity. This personal touch helps keep the lines of communication open and reinforces trust within the family.

Handling Dating and Romantic Relationships

When it comes to teenage dating and relationships, Amy underscores the importance of being a supportive, non-judgmental, listening ear. Navigating teenage heartbreak is about empathy and presence, rather than rushing in to solve or fix their problems. She also emphasizes the importance of knowing when professional help is needed for mental health issues, drawing parallels to how we wouldn’t hesitate to seek medical help for a physical injury.

Welcoming the Teen Coming Home from College

A special chapter discusses the unique challenges and joys of welcoming home a college student. Amy talks about managing expectations and understanding that the child who comes back from college may be different from the one who left. Supporting their newfound independence while maintaining house rules requires a delicate balance, but it’s a rewarding experience.

In the Episode…

Amy Betters-Midtvedt shares invaluable advice that any parent of a teen can benefit from:

• How to maintain open and effective communication with teens
• Balancing different rules for different kids
• Empathizing and supporting teens through heartbreak
• Understanding the importance of professional help for mental health
• Navigating the dynamics when college kids return home

This episode is packed with practical tips and heartfelt advice that make it a must-listen for anyone parenting teens. Amy’s experiences and insights offer a reassuring reminder that you’re not alone in the journey and that with understanding and love, you and your teen will indeed make it.

For more of Amy's wisdom and updates, you can follow her on her blog at AmyBettersMidtvedt.com and connect with her on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @AmyBettersMidtvedt.

Tune in to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on navigating the teenage years!

Ben Orlin, author of Math for English Majors, joins us to share how parents can understand and teach math effectively. We explore how mathematics can be approachable and enjoyable for both parents and teens.

Full Show Notes

Math can often feel like an insurmountable challenge, especially for parents trying to help their teens with homework. Many parents remember their own struggles with math or may feel unqualified to help, particularly if they excelled in non-numerical subjects like English or history. It’s easy to feel lost when faced with the task of supporting a teen in a subject that stumped us years ago.

However, the world of math doesn’t have to be daunting. Often, the barrier isn't the complexity of the subject itself, but the way it's been traditionally taught. Being able to assist and guide teens through their math-related challenges can create not only better academic outcomes but also strengthen your relationship with them. Shifting the way we understand and approach teaching math can have a tremendous impact on our teens' confidence and capabilities.

This week, we’re diving into how parents can gain the mathematical insight they need to support their teens. We're joined by Ben Orlin, a seasoned math teacher, and author of the popular blog, Math with Bad Drawings. Ben's new book, Math for English Majors, focuses on making math accessible, even for those who have historically found the subject challenging. His unique approach, which includes the use of humorously "bad" drawings to explain mathematical concepts, aims to demystify math and make it more engaging for everyone.

Math and Its Misunderstood Nature

Ben explains how math is often abstract and how its inherent structure can put people off, especially when taught in a rigid, one-size-fits-all classroom. His insights touch on the disconnect many feel when they believe they are "bad at math", and how the educational system's approach often heightens this feeling. He emphasizes the importance of leading with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to explore the subject differently.

Bridging the Gap with Analogies and Language

One of the key strategies Ben discusses is drawing parallels between math and language. Just as language has structure and rules, so does math. By relating mathematical concepts to linguistic structures that are already familiar to many parents and teens, he opens new avenues for understanding. A key idea shared is the notion of thinking of equations not as rigid commands but as dynamic structures that can be "paraphrased" much like sentences in a story.

Games: A Gateway to Mathematical Thinking

Ben also delves into the use of games as a tool for making math more approachable. Games inherently involve strategic thinking and problem-solving, which are core components of mathematical thought. He suggests incorporating board games and puzzles into learning routines to help teens develop a natural comfort with mathematical reasoning without the pressure of formal education settings.

Embracing the 'Bad Drawings' Philosophy

A significant part of Ben's teaching philosophy is embracing imperfection. His "bad drawings" method aims to lower the stakes and create a more inviting atmosphere for learning math. This approach removes intimidation and encourages teens to view mistakes as part of the learning process rather than failures.

In the Episode….

My discussion with Ben Orlin offers valuable insights and practical tips for parents looking to better support their teens in math:

• How to use everyday language to explain complex math concepts.
• The importance of shifting from a right-or-wrong mindset to understanding the process in math.
• Ways to incorporate games into learning to foster a fun and enriching math environment.
• Practical examples from Ben’s book and classroom experiences that demonstrate how math can be engaging and accessible.

Additionally, Ben shares his broader thoughts on the essential role parents play in shaping their teens' educational experiences.

For listeners interested in further exploring Ben’s methodologies and drawing some inspiration from his lighthearted yet effective approach, you can visit his blog at MathwithBadDrawings.com or follow him on social media platforms like Twitter (@BenOrlin) and Instagram (@MathwithBadDrawings).

Tune in to this episode to revolutionize your approach to teaching math and build a more math-friendly household. Don’t forget to subscribe and share if you found this episode helpful!

Alex Edmans, author of May Contain Lies, delves into how confirmation bias and belief polarization skew our perceptions, offering tips for parents to help their teenagers navigate misinformation and think critically.

Full Show Notes

In today's digital world, misinformation spreads faster than ever. Even as adults, we often find ourselves believing things that aren't true or are more nuanced than we think. The issue becomes even more critical when considering how we raise teenagers to be discerning and truth-seeking individuals.

How do we guide teens to differentiate fact from fiction in a sea of misleading information? How can we teach them to critically evaluate the plethora of claims they encounter daily—whether in social media, news, or even school? The ability to critically question and analyze data is a vital skill, and it’s more crucial now than ever.

To delve into the complexities of misinformation and how to tackle it, we're speaking with Alex Edmans, a professor of finance at London Business School. Alex's TED Talk, "What to Trust in a Post-Truth World," has resonated with millions, and his book, May Contain Lies, explores how biases impact our understanding and decision-making processes. With a keen focus on both finance and everyday life, Alex offers deep insights and practical advice on how to navigate a world filled with skewed information.

Understanding Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is a significant issue that affects how we process information. Alex highlights that we often accept information that aligns with our pre-existing beliefs uncritically, while scrutinizing information that contradicts our views. This is prevalent not just in finance and economics, Alex's fields of expertise, but also in everyday topics like parenting and healthcare.

For instance, Alex describes how widely accepted recommendations like exclusive breastfeeding may not be as beneficial as we think. While these claims are backed by reputable sources like the World Health Organization, they may overlook other contributing factors like socio-economic status and family support systems. By critically examining the research and understanding its context, we can make more informed decisions and avoid unnecessary guilt.

Tackling Black and White Thinking

Another prevalent bias Alex addresses is black and white thinking, where we categorize things as entirely good or bad with no gray areas. This kind of thinking is aided by simple, extreme messages that go viral on social media but often lack nuance. Alex illustrates this with the example of the Atkins diet, which gained popularity for its extreme stance on carbohydrates, even though it oversimplifies the role of carbs in a balanced diet.

For parents, understanding and combating these biases can help in guiding teenagers to see beyond black and white categorizations. Encouraging them to reason through their beliefs and understand the nuances can foster more critical and balanced thinking.

Solutions: The Ladder of Misargument

To help teenagers and parents alike navigate misinformation, Alex introduces the "Ladder of Misargument," a framework that breaks down common types of misinformation into four categories:

1. A statement is not a fact: Understand the context and accuracy of the information.
2. Facts are not data: Ensure the facts are representative and not isolated.
3. Data is not evidence: Look for causation, not just correlation.
4. Evidence is not proof: Recognize that evidence may not be universal or applicable in all contexts.

Creating a Culture of Inquiry and Dialogue

Encouraging skeptical thinking in teenagers isn't just about teaching them to question authority but creating a culture where it's safe to ask questions and express doubts. Alex discusses how a high-power hierarchy can stifle honest communication and the flow of ideas. By reducing hierarchical barriers and fostering open dialogue, whether in families or workplaces, we can create environments where critical thinking thrives.

Parents can also model this behavior by openly discussing their thought processes and demonstrating how to critically analyze information. Encouraging teenagers to explain their viewpoints in detail can help them see the limitations of their own understanding and foster a habit of thorough investigation.

In the Episode…

Alex shares a wealth of insights on how to cultivate critical thinking and avoid common pitfalls of misinformation. Tune in to learn about:

• How sports results can mysteriously affect the stock market
• The importance of asking detailed questions and listening
• Ways to foster healthy debate within families
• How to identify and mitigate common biases in everyday decisions

If you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more from Alex on his website, alexedmans.com, or follow him on LinkedIn under the username A Edmans. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

D.J. Vanas, author of The Warrior Within, reveals how teens can find purpose, develop resilience, and maintain motivation by adopting the community-focused mentality of a Native American Warrior.

Full show notes

What comes to your mind when you think of a warrior? A sweaty, grizzled hunk swinging a sword around? A brave air force pilot in aviator sunglasses? 

Although we might think warriors are battle-hungry and reckless, some traditional Native American cultures have a completely different view. Instead, Warriors are pillars of the community: service-oriented, passionate, and hard-workers who are always ready to give back to those they love. No matter our cultural background, this version of a warrior is something our teens can take inspiration from. 

To help us pass on this new warrior mentality to our kids, we’re speaking with D.J. Vanas, member of the Ottawa Tribe of Michigan and author of The Warrior Within: Own Your Power to Serve, Fight, Protect, and Heal. D.J. is a powerhouse speaker for Fortune 500 companies, hundreds of tribal nations, and audiences nationwide. His ideas have been adopted by companies like Disney, P&G, Intel, and even NASA!

This week, D.J. explains how teens can embody a warrior mentality and define their values, vision, passions, and purpose in the process. We’re also highlighting the difference between good and bad growing pains, and discussing how teens can stay focused in a world full of distractions.

Values and Vision

To give back to their communities, kids first need to figure out what exactly it is they want to contribute! The first step is for teens to define their values, says D.J. 

Some teens want a life that incorporates love and compassion. Others may be driven by curiosity or the need for intellectual discovery. Whatever their values are, teens will benefit from deciding which principles to live their life by! This can help them pick and choose what people, places and things they want to welcome into their life–and which  ones can be respectfully removed. When we know what our values are, we can eliminate the things that don’t align with them!

D.J. also encourages teens to ask themselves the big questions: What do I want to create in this world? What do I want to leave behind? How do I want to be remembered? Although these questions can feel intimidating or scary, D.J. reminds us that warriors are courageous! If teens are brave enough to ask these questions, they’ll be one step closer to uncovering their purpose.

Some teens do know what they want to do with themselves… but don’t have the confidence to believe in their dreams. D.J. and I talk about how this lack of confidence often comes from being criticized or put down by others. Young kids are so certain that they’ll become an astronaut or the president of the United States, but are dissuaded as they grow up, leading them to feel incapable or lost by their teen years. In our interview, D.J. reveals how we can help teens push past this criticism and believe in themselves!

For teens still figuring it all out, there’s bound  to be some growing pains involved. Some pain is healthier than others, however! D.J. and I are discussing what healthy growing pain looks like, and how teens can work through it and come out on top.

Persevering Through Growing Pains

Good growing pain is the kind that helps teens learn. It pushes them to become stronger, more resilient people, says D.J. Disappointment, embarrassment and failure are all painful experiences, but they're necessary for growth. 

But when teens focus too much on these painful experiences and allow the hurt to take over their lives, they can shut down, lose their creativity and find themselves at a dead end. This is the bad pain, says D.J., and it’s characterized by rumination and fear. 

D.J. explains that fear plays a big role in our lives as we’re growing up, and it’s up to teens to face it with courage. He explains that fear can sometimes cause teens to rewrite reality and believe they’re doomed! When a classmate or teacher criticizes  teens' work, they might let their fear of failure overwhelm them, and get stuck in a pattern of believing they’re not good enough. But if they have the courage to be resilient in the face of rejection, they’ll pick up their pen and start again, leading them to grow instead of getting stuck. Warriors are persistent enough to power through painful experiences–and your teen can too!

If we want to help teens face their negative emotions, D.J. recommends that we bring some positivity into the picture. He suggests we point out their strong qualities, applaud their hard work and praise their dedication, even when they’re facing failure! This reminds them just how capable they really are. In the episode, D.J. and I discuss more ways you can help a teen who’s feeling bogged down by negativity.

For teens in today’s world, focus can be a challenge as well. D.J. is helping us see how a warrior mentality can help teens cut out distractions and stay motivated.

Maintaining Motivation

Between school, SAT prep, soccer practice and student government, It’s easy for teens to overbook themselves. It’s hard to focus on any one thing…and having 24/7 access to the distracting internet doesn't help. D.J. suggests that kids learn how to say no to things that aren’t aligned with their values and purpose, like a true warrior! This keeps teens from getting overwhelmed and allows them to focus on what’s really important to them. When we focus on the right thing, we can create something incredible…but when we try to focus on everything, we often end up with nothing, says D.J.

D.J. and I talk a lot about motivation in our interview–and how it has to come from within. Friends, bosses and teachers won’t give teens the motivation they need; they have to create it themselves. Intentionally developing the right habits and surrounding themselves with the other motivated people will help teens keep their motivation going! In our interview, D.J. and I discuss how parents’ praise can be helpful to a teen who’s struggling to stay motivated or focused.

When someone is expecting us to deliver, we often work harder and achieve more than we ever would on our own, says D.J. This is called accountability, and it has a pretty powerful effect on our productivity! D.J. proposes that parents hold teens accountable for achieving their goals…and ask teens to hold parents accountable as well! This two-way system helps teens learn responsibility and creates a bond of accountability between parent and child, says D.J. 

In the Episode…

D.J is such an intelligent and powerful individual, and his brilliance shines through in today’s episode! On top of the topics mentioned above, we also talk about:

• How we can benefit from mentoring others
• What questions we can ask besides “how was school?”
• How teens can find their tribe
• Why self care is essential when caring for others

If you enjoy this week’s episode, you can find more from D.J. at nativediscovery.com. Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to share and subscribe and we’ll see you next week!

Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink joins us to talk about the drivers behind sky-high rates of anxiety and depression among young people—and how bio-synchronicity and emotional attunement might be the answer.

Full show notes

Nowadays, kids have 24 hour access to the internet—meaning they can scroll through pictures of perfect models on Instagram, check the ever-terrifying news or log on to a chatroom with random strangers at any time of the day! And while this allows them to connect with others and learn more about the world, it can also lead to an overwhelming level of exposure to everything from cyberbullying to predators. Without parents there to steer them clear of danger, are kids bound to get into trouble?

Not to mention that constant use of the internet–especially social media–can have seriously adverse effects on a kid's mental health. The perpetual pressure to live up to the images of perfection they see online has been linked to sky-rocketing growth in depression and anxiety disorders among kids. And it’s young women in particular who face the most expectations online–the expectation to be sexual without being too sexual, the need to have the perfect body, and the constant fear that they aren’t going to fit in with all their other peers.

So how can we help girls who are struggling with the stressors of being online? We’re asking Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media. Donna is a science journalist who’s written for Wired, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, and more! She’s also a mom, and was inspired to dive deeper into girls' mental health when she saw how much her daughter was affected by the perils of the online world.

In our interview, we’re discussing how estrogen and the female immune system contribute to the development of mental health disorders among young girls, especially in our modern, media-driven world. Plus, how adverse childhood experiences affect kids into adulthood, and what we can say to help our teen girls feel supported during this stressful time.

The Estrogen Effect

The internet can add stress to anyone’s life…so why do we need to focus on young women? Research shows that women are developing mental health disorders at an alarming rate compared to their male counterparts, explains Donna, and this ties directly into how much these young women use social media. But why?

Donna explains that estrogen is the culprit. Since the dawn of the human race, women’s bodies have responded to stress with an intense surge of estrogen. This is because women typically have smaller bodies and even smaller organs than men, says Donna, and therefore need a stronger immune response to combat threats! This is why girls often have stronger responses to vaccines and have longer-lasting reactions to viruses like Covid-19. 

When their brains are still developing, girls are constantly looking to the world to sense if they’re safe or not….and with social media and the internet, girls often feel that they aren’t safe! This bumps their stress levels, leading their estrogen to provoke an immune response that floods their bodies and brains with inflammation. No wonder so many young girls are developing chronic physical and mental health conditions like autoimmune disorders and depression, she says.

But that’s not even the worst of it! Donna explains how adverse childhood experiences  can make this immune response even more harmful to young girls.

Long Term Effects of Childhood Experiences

Women have more robust immune responses to stressors because of their hormones, says Donna, but there are other factors that can cause people to have intense reactions to stress. One of these factors is adverse childhood experiences. When we think of childhood trauma, we often think of intense moments like divorce or physical abuse–but Donna explains that these traumas can be milder and more common than we might expect. Feeling bullied by siblings, having a parent with substance use issues or experiencing mild parental neglect can all be adverse childhood experiences, she explains.

With their brains still in development, young girls are perpetually trying to discern whether or not they are safe. Because these adverse experiences are often chronic and unpredictable, it can send a message to kids' minds that they are frequently in danger. Donna explains that this is largely a product of evolution–social ostracization of any kind could be extremely dangerous if it meant they were cast from the group without food or protection from predators. And although kids are no longer typically in physical danger from emotional neglect or bullying, their immune system still behaves as though they are! 

The more adverse experiences girls experience in childhood, the more their brain becomes acclimated to responding to stress, and the more intense it’s immune response. This causes chronic mental and physical health disorders to develop among young women at an alarming rate–and social media is not helping, says Donna. That’s why she believes parents need to give their kids the least traumatic childhood possible, so they don’t develop serious conditions like anxiety or depression as teens or adults.

But how can we keep our homes as free from trauma as possible? And what can we say to teen girls who are really going through it? Donna helps us see how parents can step in to help girls when they’re at their lowest.

Helping Our Girls Heal

The first step to helping our girls is to heal ourselves, says Donna. When we’ve dealt with our own traumas and stopped our impulsive reactions, we can be there to calmly guide our kids without passing our trauma on.  The developing brains of our kids are constantly looking for reassurance from caregivers, so if we can make kids feel safe, they’ll live happier, healthier lives.

 In the episode, Donna explains how kids watch parents react to stressful situations and then learn to practice the same patterns themselves–a scientific concept known as bio-synchrony. If we yell, freak out or bully others when we’re in distress, our kids take notice–and will likely carry that pattern on into adulthood themselves. If we can learn to center ourselves and practice techniques that take us out of fight or flight mode and back into a level head, Donna explains that we’ll be able to teach our kids to do the same.

If your daughter is struggling, Donna recommends bringing some positivity back into her life. In our interview, we discuss the value of praising our kids in healthy ways. Donna encourages us to remind our kids that they are intrinsically valuable, and can accomplish anything they hope to do if they work hard. It’s never truly wise to measure their success against other kids’–even if you’re telling them how much better they are! This only leads to a life of comparing themselves to others, and despairing when they fall short.

This doesn’t mean we should overshelter our kids or make life too easy for them, says Donna. They still need to stumble and fail, learn how to figure out their own solutions to life’s problems. Plus, parents aren’t perfect, and we're bound to mess up and cause our kids some inevitable emotional turmoil. But if we can make sure they feel a general sense of safe...

Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend and Wired to Create, joins our show to explain how we can help teens on their journey to self-awareness. Scott and I talk about healthy self-esteem, goal-setting, creativity, and more.

Full show notes

Figuring out who we are takes a lifetime. In our teens, we might think we’re destined to become a doctor…only to find out that med school isn’t for us. We might believe we’ve found our perfect match in our twenties, but then discover that there’s other fish in the sea. We might even experience a mid-life crisis and become an entirely new person at age fifty! Identity and self-awareness are complicated and different for everyone.

To teenagers, however, it can feel like adult life is rapidly approaching….meaning they’ve got to figure it all out right away! They might rush into a college major, a relationship, or a big relocation when they’re not fully ready. It can be hard to know what you want for the rest of your life when you’ve only been alive for 18 years! This week we’re talking about identity, awareness and self- actualization, so we can help kids slow down and embrace the process of finding themselves. 

We’re joined by Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Scott is a humanistic psychologist who has taught at Columbia, the University of Pennsylvania and New York University. He writes the regular column “Beautiful Minds” in the Scientific American and hosts The Psychology Podcast, which has over 10 million downloads! His work has appeared in The Atlantic, Harvard Business Review, and Business Insider. He’s here to help us define self-actualization–and how our teens can harness it for a happier life.

In our interview, we’re discussing how we can guide kids to develop healthy confidence, define their life’s goals, and access their creativity to discover who they truly are.

Confidence Vs. Narcissism

Self-esteem can be complicated, Scott explains. While it’s definitely possible for teens to have a healthy sense of confidence in who they are, there’s also the possibility of narcissism. And although we often think of narcissists as loud, attention-hogging types, there are also quiet, unassuming narcissists, who keep their self-obsession in their internal thoughts and close relationships, he explains. Scott and I talk more about the difference between these two types of narcissists in the episode–but neither type is healthy or a sign of self awareness, Scott says.

To help our kids develop healthy self esteem instead of narcissistic tendencies, we’ve got to treat them with compassion…but not too much! Scott explains that we shouldn't tell kids they are “the best” or teach them to compare themselves to others. Instead, Scott says we should remind kids that they are intrinsically valuable simply for existing. Instead of making them feel like high achievers, we should simply strive for them to feel like they are enough, he says.

In the episode, we also talk about how kids can have healthy selfishness as well. This means they set proper boundaries with others for their own well-being, have a stable school/life balance, and generally just take care of themselves. People often give away too much time and energy to others, Scott says, and not necessarily in an altruistic way. Sometimes people can develop a certain kind of narcissistic complex that’s fed by helping others, but only in pursuit of their own egos, he explains. In our interview, we discuss how some of the worst behavior in human history has been declared “for the greater good”, despite being destructive and even inhumane.

So teens have a healthy sense of self-confidence…but where are they going to direct it? Scott and I also talk about how teens can figure out their life’s purpose.

Setting Growth-Oriented Goals

Teens love to set lofty goals, but they’re not always realistic…or what teens really want. Many teens strive to be famous on the internet, he says, but this goal often fails to help teens grow and self actualize. Scott advises that teens stay true to themselves when deciding what to do with their lives, and evaluate their strengths and deeper spiritual needs when planning out their latest ambition! He also recommends  that parents sit down status-obsessed kids and help them reorient their goals towards personal and spiritual growth.

Scott describes something that he calls a crystallizing experience–an affirming experience which helps us realize exactly what we want to do with ourselves for the rest of our life. Some teens are lucky enough to have this moment when they’re still young, but some don’t have it until later in life. Scott explains that it could happen any time, and even more than once! Our identities continue to grow and change, so teens shouldn’t feel pressure to have it all figured out right away.

In our interview, Scott and I have an interesting discussion about hope in the face of rejection. While some animals have been researched and shown to experience a natural sense of hopelessness, humans retain the ability to remain resilient. While the sting of rejection is strong, Scott explains that teens can use both their sense of purpose and strategic minds to persevere. In the episode he explains the strategy he used as a teenger to get into the college of his dreams–despite being rejected.

One important trait kids can strive to develop is creativity! Scott and I are discussing how we can work to foster creativity among our teens.

Raising Creative Teens

There are a lot of surprising ways we can help teens be more creative, including letting them daydream! Scott explains that when teens are zoning out, they’re giving their conscious, focused minds a break and entering the world of creative thinking. By turning off their productivity, they’re able to access originality! He believes that if we want to raise teens who think outside the box, we should give teens scheduled time in the day to day dream, doodle, journal, and let their mind run free. 

 Teens who are open to new experiences also tend to be more creative, Scott explains. The more welcoming teens can be of new stimulus, the less confined their thinking will be. In the episode, he shares some fascinating examples of famous, accomplished scientists who didn’t just focus on one area, instead expanding their knowledge across different regions of the scientific world. This allowed them to think outside the box and have some of the most inventive ideas in modern science.

There are a lot of ways our education system could change to encourage more creativity, says Scott. In his view, schools need to assign more project-based learning, to help kids self-actualize and build something that incorporates their own perspectives. This is the first step to encouraging inventiveness and originality, he explains. He also suggests that kids learn to disagree with what they read in the textbook, and that teachers be more open to divergent discussions that push kids to think for themselves.

In the Episode….

Scott and I cover a lot of interesting ground in this week’s episode! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:

• The advantages of being sensitive
• What transcendence is and how it can help us
• The dangers of relying too heavily on labels for our...

Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports, joins us to discuss how the competitive culture of kids’ sports can be damaging to both  parents and teens.

Full show notes

Does your kid love sports? Whether they’re sliding into home base or scoring a touchdown, sports can be an incredible way for kids to stay healthy, make friends, and learn the value of teamwork. For some kids, sports can become a way of life, granting them a chance to travel or even bringing in college scholarship money. With so much to offer, it seems like sports are the perfect activity to sign kids up for.

But it turns out that kids’ sports aren’t always the character-building extracurriculars we think they are. The youth sports industry is valued at over nineteen billion dollars, and that money is coming from parents who feel obligated to pay for everything from equipment to sports tourism. Severe injuries from playing too much can destroy our kids' long term health, and the status-driven nature of these sports takes a toll on our families and our culture as a whole! It’s time to take a critical look at our kids' sports teams, and decide if they’re doing more harm than good.

This week, we’re joined by Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports. Linda is a freelance journalist, researcher, former cross country coach and mom to an athlete herself! Her work has been featured in The Atlantic and Runner’s World, and she’s a regular contributor to NPR’s education site MindShift. Today, Linda is warning us about the dark side of kids’ sports, and what we can do to help our young athletes stay happy and healthy despite it all.

In the episode, Linda and I are covering the damaging effects sports can have on families, why the pressure to win is harming our kids, and how we can help teens create a healthier connection to the sport they love.

The True Cost of Kids’ Sports

If playing sports was totally free, the world would probably be a better place…but unfortunately most kids' sports force parents to spend a pretty penny. Memberships for private club teams, equipment, uniforms and traveling to games gets pretty expensive, meaning low income families are typically excluded, says Linda. And it gets worse–research indicates that the more money parents spend on sports, the less kids enjoy them. Linda explains that this is likely due to increased pressure kids feel knowing how much money is riding on their soccer victory.

The damage to families goes past the financial costs, however. The current culture of kids’ sports drags parents into an obsession with status that can be very unhealthy, says Linda. She explains that kids’ wins and losses can start to feel like our own, and it’s not always easy to draw strong boundaries. This infatuation with our kids’ victories can even cause us to behave poorly at their games, yelling at referees or cursing at kids on the other team, Linda says. This isn’t exactly the kind of good citizenship we hoped kids would learn from these sports!

Linda points out that traveling can also be a seriously damaging factor for families, especially for single parents. It can spread parents thin and force them to prioritize one sibling over another, she says. Kids are very attuned to this kind of imbalance in parents’ attention, and it can have lasting effects. Linda explains that this is especially true if one sibling is an athlete while the other enjoys more internal activities like reading. In the episode, we talk more about the strain kids’ sports can put on families and parents.

While the family unit as a whole can be seriously affected, the damage that modern day youth athletics has on kids can be even more severe. Linda and I dive into the overwhelming pressure and even physical harm these sports can cause in our interview.

The Dangers of Too Much Pressure

We often look at college admission and scholarships as a major benefit for young athletes…but it can be a source of major stress too. Many teens who joined sports for fun as kids feel immense pressure to keep playing in order to get into better schools. Linda reveals in our interview that prospective students are 14x as likely to get into Harvard if they’re recruited to play on the schools’ sports teams. This can put kids in a difficult dilemma–and parents too. We might feel like we need to put all our money and time into kids’ sports careers, to ensure that they have a bright future.

The pressure doesn’t stop there, says Linda. Prestigious, competitive club teams perpetuate an individualist approach to sports, she says, by pitting kids against each other for spots on the team, individual accolades and even financial aid. Plus, by recruiting kids from all over, these club teams aren’t striving to create community in a local place–they’re aiming solely for victory. In the episode, Linda also explains how these teams tend to cause tension between teens and their high school teams by forcing them to pick between the school team and the private club.

When teens feel overwhelming pressure to succeed at their chosen sport, they’ll do anything…including permanently injuring themselves, says Linda. Recent research has indicated that the number of serious injuries sustained by kids on the field has increased at a staggering rate. Linda uses the example of an ACL tear in our interview–an incredibly common sports injury among kids that requires surgery and usually causes arthritis after 10 years! The annual rate of ACL tears in the Boston area alone has increased from 500 to 2500 in less than a decade, says Linda.

So are sports all bad? Is there anything we can do to shield ourselves and our kids from the havoc these sports can wreak?

Making Sports Fun Again

To help ease all the toxicity of youth sports culture, Linda recommends that kids engage in other activities and interests too. If not, they’re susceptible to a syndrome she calls “athletic identity foreclosure.”  This occurs when kids have no other interests outside of sports–and then suddenly can no longer play due to injury or other factors. If they’re identity is entirely wrapped up in the sport they play, teens can feel like they no longer have anything to offer the world and experience a serious identity crisis. 

It can also help for parents to set up boundaries for their involvement in kids’ teams, says Linda. She believes it's important for parents to miss a few games here and there, so that kids know parents have their own lives! This allows kids to take ownership of the activity outside of parents’ interest, taking  some pressure off and reminding them that they can always quit if they’re no longer dedicated to the sport. It’s good for parents too, as it allows them to pursue activities that aren’t all about their children!

The bottom line is, sports aren’t bad–but toxic sports culture is! Sports can be fun, educational and great for kids' health…in fact, playing a varsity sport in high school is the number one predictor of lifelong physical fitness, says Linda. But alternatively, college athletes have been shown to live a lower quality of life and experience less general happiness due to physical and mental stress, she explains. If we want our kids to benefit from athletics, we’ll have to mend our youth sports culture and practice moderation.

In the Epis...

Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD, joins us to talk about the traditional solutions to ADHD and the emerging science behind the likely triggers of the growing epidemic. She’ll walk us through natural solutions to remedy ADHD, chronic pain, and more. 

Full show notes

More and more kids are being diagnosed with chronic illnesses these days–anything from allergies to severe depression. You may have experienced this with your own teen, whether it’s constant trips to the psychiatrist for changes in anxiety meds, or endless food sensitivities that seem to come out of nowhere. In 2018, research revealed that 54% of kids are chronically ill, up from 15% a few years before. This means that chronic illness is growing among young people at a rapid rate…but why?

The answer lies in our guts. We might view our digestive system as having one function–food in, waste out–but the truth is a lot more complicated. Our guts contain the mechanisms that monitor our immune system, regulate our bloodstream and even control our mind’s function! The food we put into our gut doesn’t just affect our digestion…it shapes our long term physical and mental health!

This week, we’re talking to Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD: A Guide to Naturally Reducing ADHD Symptoms in Your Child and founder of the ADHD Thrive Institute. Dana is a holistic health expert who focuses on educating parents about gut health. She helps families understand that a better diet can relieve symptoms for a myriad of health issues among children–including ADHD and other mental disorders. She’s worked with over one thousand families to create better overall health for chronically ill kids!

In our interview, Dana breaks down the function of the gut within the body, and why so many kids suffer from conditions that result from poor gut health. We’re also discussing what dietary changes can be made to heal our guts, and how we can convince our kids to change their diets for the better.

Why We Should Rethink Our Diet

Although we don’t always think about our digestive tract as central to our body’s long term health, it’s actually immensely critical to our physical and mental wellbeing. It contains 80% of our body’s immune system, billions of nerve cells and trillions of bacteria! It controls what enters our bloodstream–and therefore our entire body. Plus, it has a direct channel of communication with the brain. 90-95% of the body’s serotonin and 50% of the body’s dopamine are produced in the gut, meaning that our guts manage our moods, emotions, and cognitive function, says Dana.

Dana explains that the typical American diet is full of substances that are pretty harmful to our guts. Packaged, processed, and convenience foods are chock full of artificial preservatives and chemicals that aren’t a natural part of our diet, and therefore damage our bodies. These foods break down the lining of the gut, which regulates the bloodstream, says Dana. As this lining breaks down, it no longer restricts toxins from flowing through our bodies, and doesn’t retain water and other important nutrients that are essential to the body’s function.

When these toxins enter the bloodstream, our body tries to reject them, leading to inflammation. This causes a multitude of issues, including stomach aches, allergies, inattention, poor emotional regulation, brain fog, constipation–the list goes on. This means that when kids are suffering from serious anxiety or depression, diet can ultimately be the cause of the issue, as well as the solution, Dana explains. If we can focus on helping kids create a better daily diet, we can stop these chronic mental and physical health issues and get kids back on the right track.

So what changes can teens and parents make to our diets to create a healthy mind and body? Dana and I are giving you a dietary breakdown on how to heal your bodies and minds.

How To Have a Healthy Gut

It turns out that lots of the food we eat on an everyday basis is actually pretty terrible for our gut health, says Dana. The worst three? Gluten, dairy, and soy. Dana explains that gluten is the most harmful, as it destroys the lining of our guts most severely and causes intestinal leaking. Dairy is central to the American diet, but awful for our gut. And while soy seems easy to cut out, Dana explains that there are a surprising amount of food products that list soy as an ingredient. In our interview, we talk more about how soy mimics estrogen production and can be really harmful for growing teens.

Sugar is also not the best  for our gut health, Dana explains. Sugary foods tend to be very artificial and refined, which is damaging to the intestinal lining. If the gut is in poor health and fails to deliver dopamine and serotonin to the brain, kids will seek these chemicals out anyway they can–including eating sugar. They can quickly get caught in a cycle of eating sugary foods every time they need stimulation or a pick-me-up, which can even lead to a serious sugar addiction, especially for kids with ADHD, says Dana.

Instead, Dana recommends kids eat fruits and veggies, grass-fed animal proteins and healthy fats. These foods don’t cause damage to the intestinal lining, and can even help it regrow! Dana also recommends only drinking natural spring water, and replacing artificial sweeteners with natural ones like honey, maple syrup and dates. Although it might be outside your family’s comfort zone, making these substitutions in the family diet can totally transform your quality of life, Dana says.

But even if we’re ready to make a change, it doesn’t mean our families are. Plus, eating healthy comes with other obstacles…and how do we even know what exactly our kids need? Dana and I are covering all of these challenges as well.

Making the Change

As the mom of a child with ADHD, Dana wanted to change her family’s habits to improve her son’s health…but found herself struggling when she tried to do it all in one day. She recommends that parents make these dietary changes slowly or increments, to warm kids up to the idea of giving up gluten, dairy and certain sugars! Teenagers aren’t likely to listen if you try to force them to adopt this new diet, says Dana, so you’ll have to get them to buy into it. Once they realize that this healthier diet makes them more social and focused, they’ll likely want to eat healthier all the time.

Dana recognized that eating healthy isn’t cheap–even though we wish it was! However, she explains in the episode that spending the extra money on healthier foods is likely to save parents a lot of time and energy in the long run. When kids are feeling better both mentally and physically, they’ll need much less medical care–and won’t have tantrums and meltdowns on a regular basis, says Dana. Plus, there are other things we can do to lighten the costs, like meal planning and buying in bulk. Dana and I get into these cost-savers further in the episode.

If you’re not sure where to start, Dana recommends taking some tests. Functional lab testing can help teens locate weak points and stressors in their bodies, whether that’s in the immune, digestive or nervous system. It can also be helpful for kids to complete a food sensitivity panel to discover what foods irritate their body–this helps doctors target inflammation and even diagnose certain mental issues like ADHD or anxiety. In our interview, Dana and I tal...

Alex Pang, author of Rest, joins us to explain the cognitive benefits of taking time off and doing nothing! Plus, how non-work activities like sports, naps, and gap years can boost teens’ productivity and creativity!

Full show notes

We want kids to be the best version of themselves, meaning that we often push them to their limits. We stack on extracurriculars to buff up their college apps, add in SAT classes, and sign them up for private lessons to make sure they’re the best flute player in the orchestra. Kids only have so much time to make the most of themselves, so they should spend every last moment studying, practicing, and bettering themselves…right?

But what happens when kids suddenly find themselves burnt out? What if, with a crazy schedule, they’re not able to focus on their homework or pull out the sheet music as enthusiastically as they did before? Even though we have the best intentions, we can sometimes push our teens (and ourselves) too far past what’s healthy–and create not only exhaustion, but a lack of productivity, creativity, and imagination.

That’s why, in today’s episode, we’re talking about the importance of doing nothing! We’re joined by Alex Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. Alex is the owner of the consulting company Strategy and Rest, which works with companies and individuals to create maximum productivity with shorter workdays! He’s a visiting scholar at Stanford, and the author of three other books about productivity and cognition.

In this week’s episode, we talk all about the importance of taking restful breaks, and the psychological benefits of doing nothing! Plus how teens can benefit from non-work activities like sports, napping, and even playing video games!

Why Rest Matters

The basic principle we often follow about productivity is that more time working=more work accomplished. We might load ourselves up with eighty hour work weeks, working long nights and weekends to try and max out our capabilities. But Alex is prompting us to challenge that. Once a busy, overworked employee in Silicon Valley, Alex left the United States to take a trip to the U.K., where he discovered a shift in culture and less structure in his work day! He found that working shorter hours and taking more breaks actually improved his productivity and creativity–and it can improve yours too!

Alex explains that our brains have something he calls a “default mode network”, which turns on when the focused, working part of your brain turns off. When the default mode network is activated, your body goes to work behind the scenes, tackling problems that evade your conscious mind. Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you can’t recall a song lyric or the name of an actor…only for it to pop into your head ten minutes later while you’re watching TV? This is an example of your default mode network doing its job!

Many prominent, iconic, and successful people have learned to harness their default mode network to improve their productivity. They know that this part of the brain allows the mind to come up with new ideas, make connections and recharge…then get back to business with a much more inspired and productive mindset, says Alex. Individuals like Beethoven and Nobel prize winners have strategically built time into their schedules to rest and let their default mode network run…basically doing nothing with the goal of increasing productivity!

Alex is also a proponent of shorter work days and a four day work week. In the episode, we talk about a wealth of research which indicates that humans are most productive when they work only four or five hours a day! After that, our focus and concentration starts to wane, and we often get very little or nothing done. But with an extra day or extra hours in the week built in for intentional rest, we can take on the challenges of our work week much more efficiently and with extra creativity and imagination.

The power of doing nothing only works if we’re doing the right kind of nothing, however. Alex explains that certain activities are more restful to your brain than others. The key is to do something that takes as little focus or concentration as possible, so that your subconscious mind can activate and restore you to your most creative state, he explains. Activities like television, video games, or even social media can have this restorative effect for teens–as long as they’re not overindulging, says Alex.

There are some other methods of rest and rejuvenation that boost productivity and creativity for teens! Alex and I dive into these in the episode.

How Teens Can Unwind

In our interview, Alex and I discuss how exercise can be a great way for teens to let go of work and stressors and let their mind wander. In fact, effective cognition is tied significantly to physical health, says Alex. Our brains love oxygen, and will take as much of it as possible! When we exercise, we increase our body’s oxygen capacity, and therefore power our brain to maximum sharpness and efficiency. The stronger our circulatory system, the more powerful our mind, says Alex.

Even a simple walk can have terrific benefits for the teenage mind. Research has shown that walking improves cognition as well as creativity! Alex explains that people like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg even have walking meetings, where they combine business with exercise. This setting allows ideas to flow more freely, and is a more casual social environment. Alex recommends encouraging teens to take walks during study breaks or when working something out with a friend–the benefits of doing so are clear!

Getting involved in a sport is even better for a teen, says Alex. In his research, he’s found that many of history's greatest thinkers have also been accomplished athletes. A study of scientists spanning over thirty years found that those who made incredible or notable discoveries in their careers were also individuals who set aside ample time for sports, while those who weren’t athletes faded into obscurity. Alex explains that this regular athletic activity gave the scientists time away from work to mull over ideas and come back to their research with renewed focus and imagination.

Alex and I also talk about a somewhat controversial relaxation technique…napping! Some believe napping leaves us more tired than before, while others think a nap is a great way to refresh and recharge. Alex argues in favor of napping…so long as we do it right! If your teen loves to nap, Alex recommends they nap between twenty or ninety minutes. Twenty minutes constitutes a light nap that’s shown to recharge the body, while ninety minutes is the cutoff before slipping into deep sleep. A nap of this length can have benefits for memory, cognition, and more, says Alex. We talk about napping more in the interview!

In The Episode…

My discussion with Alex brings an unexpected perspective to common notions about creativity and productivity! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:

• How self-criticism hinders our creativity
• Why teens should spend time abroad
• How school damages teens’ perception of rest
• What other cultures can teach us about relaxation

If you enjoyed this week’s episode, you can find more of Alex’s research and work on his company website, strategy.rest, or on Twitter and Ins...

Erik Huberman, author of The Hawke Method,  joins us to talk about how we can empower teens to be self starters. Plus, how teens can pick a career path and think critically about what they spend their money on.

Full show notes

We hope to prepare our kids for all of life’s challenges: staying healthy, maintaining relationships, and of course, managing money! The last thing we want is for our adult children to run home to us, bankrupt and ready to live in our basement. We hope that they’ll make wise financial decisions, fund their own lives and maybe even have enough to start families of their own someday!

But money management isn’t something that's typically taught in schools…and there’s no script for how parents should teach it either! Parents have bickered for ages about the best way to set kids up for financial success. Should kids be getting allowances, credit cards and bank accounts? Is it wise for them to get a job while they’re still in school, or should they simply focus on their education?

To give us some perspective from the other side, we’re talking to Erik Huberman, successful entrepreneur and author of The Hawke Method: The Three Principles of Marketing that Made Over 3,000 Brands Soar. Erik is the CEO and founder of Hawke Media, a marketing agency that has worked with over 3,000 different brands! He’s here to share some brilliant ideas about how we can teach young folks the ins and outs of financial responsibility.

In our interview, we’re debating whether or not teens should follow their passion or pick a more responsible path. We’re also discussing how we can prepare kids for the brutal financial realities of life, and why we need to encourage teens’ to think critically about social media marketing.

Helping Teens Find Their Calling

So your teen wants to be an artist…or an actor, or a professional soccer player, or a movie director. And you’re wondering…should I encourage them to chase their wildest dreams or pick a safer avenue? In Erik’s eyes, the solution is somewhere in the middle. Humans spend the majority of their waking hours working, he says, so trying to force our kids to spend all of that time doing something they hate isn’t exactly sustainable.

In his eyes, we should stop using the word “passion”, as it's too nondescript. Instead, we should encourage teens to pursue something that brings them energy, something they’re good at and willing to work hard at! Instead of a passion, he refers to this as a “calling”. Lots of kids love the idea of being a rock star, but rarely actually feel motivated to sit down to play the guitar. Even though music might be their dream, they’ll find themselves becoming mediocre players. And if this is all they’ve got careerwise, Erik warns they might find themselves stuck in a bad spot.

Erik explains that he loves to ski, but he doesn’t think he should become a professional skier. Only a select few skiers are good enough to truly make a living skiing, and there are other things he can do–things that make him excited and enthused to go to work in the morning. He suggests that kids go for the safer, more reliable route, so that they’ll have something to fall back on and not get stuck. This doesn’t mean they should do something they hate, however. They can still find something they’re good at and bring in some income, he assures.

No matter what they choose to do with their lives, teens are going to be up against a lot of challenges in the adult world. Erik and I are discussing how we can start preparing kids now so they’ll stay afloat when grown-up obstacles come their way.

Raising Self Starters

To equip kids with tough skin they’ll need to handle adulthood, we’ve got to empower them in a healthy way, says Erik. Giving kids the confidence to take on the world doesn’t come from flattering them at every corner and giving them empty compliments, he explains. Instead, we’ve got to help teens realize that they have the ability to tackle their problems –if they work hard and find creative solutions, that is.

Erik believes that one of the biggest issues with today’s society is that we don’t encourage kids to solve their own challenges. Too often, we fix their issues for them before they have the chance to figure out their own solutions, says Erik. He suggests that we prompt kids to pay for their own movie tickets, or encourage them to bring their concerns up to teachers without our help. It might seem small, but solving these lighter problems will prepare teens to take on bigger problems in the future. 

In the episode, Erik dives deep into his own childhood growing up with an entrepreneur for a father–and how this shaped him into the smart businessman he is today. When, at the age of eight, he asked his father for a guitar, his father told him to go get a job and pay for it himself! So Erik took the few bucks he made in weekly allowance and turned it into a business reselling beanie babies and made more than four thousand dollars! This encouragement from his dad pushed him to build something for himself–and we can do the same with our kids.

Good money management is about more than just making money–it’s about spending money too! We’re also discussing how you can help your teen become a more educated consumer.

Creating Smart Consumers

When kids see their favorite internet influencers promoting sneakers or skincare, they suddenly have to have this sparkly new object. They beg you for a bump in allowance so that they can purchase these shiny, trendy (likely overpriced) goods! Kids are remarkably impressionable, and advertisers know that if they market to kids, they’ll likely see some engagement, says Erik. Plus, now that every teen has an iphone loaded with Tik Tok and Instagram sitting in their pockets, it’s easier than ever to reach them.

Erik recommends that we try to have conversations with our kids about consumerism while they’re still under our roofs. Prompting teens to think critically about the advertisements gracing their screens can help them see behind the marketing smoke and mirrors. Marketers are trying to hit the reptilian part of teens brains–the part that craves the satisfying dopamine hit that comes with hitting “complete purchase.” Helping teens see that they’re being manipulated can help them make smarter choices as consumers.

It’s not bad for teens to spend a little money on something that brings them joy, but it’s important that they think critically about what they’re buying too. Erik suggests that you encourage your teen to think about the functionality of each purchase before they make it. Sure, their favorite make-up influencer says they need to buy a new eyeshadow palette…but they already have six at home they barely use! With parental input, kids might realize that their extra cash might look a lot better in a savings account.

In the Episode….

Erik has so much advice about finding financial success, drawn from his own entrepreneurial experiences! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:

• How Erik built his own company from the ground up
• Why young adults should experience being “broke”
• How tobacco is marketed to kids
• Why teens need to fail before they thrive

If you enjoyed listening, check out Erik on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook at @...