A teacher starts an only fans account, Disney is the evil empire, a man goes full Florida and Garfield eats a donut.

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Billie Eilish fires her Pervy agent, the Matthew Perry case has people drowning in indictments, Kevin Hart worked a three way on Molly and Tommy Lee’s son is such a cool guy. 

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A middle school crossing guard is getting kids high and a Phish fan is the 1st one in history to rip a bong at The Sphere! Oh, and Rob Schneider had a tough set at a Hollywood benefit show.

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2 1/2 years in we take our SECOND vacation week. But in lieu of a full new episode we present to you a 30 minute intro followed by our very first episode from March 10, 2020. Yes- literally the day the lockdown began. Happy Labor Day-  See you next week!

Follow Mike Gibbons on Instagram @GibbonsTime

Follow Greg Fitzsimmons on Instagram @GregFitzsimmons

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What’s Sunday without tales of beastiality, selling limbs on Facebook and Prince Charles trying to bond with the Queen? Also a cancer survivor thanks us for saving his life. It's what we do.    

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A couple has sex on a Ferris wheel, AirBnB drops some listings because they were slave shacks in another life, Anne Frank’s Diary is now banned in some TX schools and Greg still hasn’t watched The Rehearsal.

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 Salman Rushdie is attacked in the slowest fatwa in history, babies are being dropped at firehouses, Las Vegas is under water but thankfully Steven Seagal is in Ukraine to straighten things out. 

 

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The Brittney Griner defense team falls short of freeing her; hoping for a rebound on appeal. Alex Jones takes his first bath in a long time, Georgians are now listing their fetuses as dependents and we say goodbye to Vin Scully.  

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We talk about Mike’s surgery and Greg’s new movie. We cover a big trade in the WNBA, Springsteen cutting ties to the poor and girls twerking and giving out shots on a NYC subway. Happy Anniversary today Erin.

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This week we learn that Kylie Jenner is a bad person, some politicians are sent to jail, Greenland is melting and Larry David acts exactly like Larry David. We may have made some jokes about the WNBA as well.

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Ivana Trump has died falling down her stairs; documentary coming? Elon Musk’s father is having sex with his stepdaughter, Ricky Martin is having sex with his nephew and a mom’s group thinks Thor is gay. We cover all your submissions for “Better than the original”.

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U.S. Kids are putting on weight but shedding IQ points, an 86 yr old flight attendant refused to retire, Paul Rudd signs a nerd’s yearbook and we finally talk about the Carlin documentary.

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As Mike beams in from an upstate NY lake cabin Greg recounts the chaos at The Comedy Store this week. Texas schools are “rebranding” slavery as “involuntary relocation”. Yup. Ricky Martin may be straight and a German boy does what Germans love best- gets in a world of shit.

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A Christian lifeguard is suing for being made to work near a gay flag, J-Lo and Ben AF are on the rocks, a FLA Couple gets nasty on the pier and we say goodbye to the great Bill Walton.

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Oh yeah we talk about it. And then some. Also an Oklahoma theatre fast forwards past a Buzz Lightyear kiss, something scary comes out of a Florida woman’s pants and ‘what is the best first song on a first album’?

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A mushroom update, Apple’s new product that helps you murder and Kim defiles a national artifact. Also stories on Canadian beavers, illegal Saudi rainbows and someone throws out a first pitch like a girl.

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An update on mushrooms, a handicap drug smuggler and a quick chat with CHAOS author Tom O’Neill. A FedEx truck slams into a guy getting road-smoke and Make America Florida!

   

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Lot of news from Florida as well as a Mexican hurricane which identifies as THEM. An 83 year old pastor takes up doing gay porn and a 22 yr old Scottish woman is hired to watch it.

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  Ellen is off the air and thus our NDA’s are null and void! A jumper in NYC, a rectal hemorrhage on a cruise ship and Spacey is charged. We do not speak of the Amber Heard trial. You’re welcome.

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Elon Musk is making jokes about his penis, Nancy Pelosi can’t eat those Jesus wafers, Clapton has the Vid and a Florida Man is on fire this week!    

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Mike recounts his week working with Letterman, we make a big announcement about Norm and tell some Andy Dick stories. The new Barbie has a hearing aid and Ellen is wrapping up her show. Also two extra Florida Man stories!

Follow Mike on Instagram @GibbonsTime

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Mike recounts being at The Chappelle show where he was attacked, we talk about Norm’s memorial and then get into news about escaped convicts, Canadian abortions and Sydney Sweeney getting cat-called at The Met Gala.

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A hiker falls in the tank of a port-o-potty, Trump can’t define what a woman is and a couple is married on a Southwest flight to nowhere.
Also we talk about who will replace James Corden and penis fish in Florida? Where else?

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Mike takes a COVID TEST on the air, we reveal the results (it’s not good) and we discuss sex with a lizard. A Tyson takes out a Karen, a weed truck overturns on 4/20 and an entire wedding gets dosed by the bride. 

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Mike is wearing dead people’s clothing in FLA and Greg is going to see the Grateful Dead in Vegas. Spirit Air is now allowed to film people in the bathrooms, a Louisiana man is allowed to curse out the cops but some Harvard protesters are not being allowed to graduate. Also a dating show for virgins.

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Mike gets an aggressive TSA pat-down on his way to a Wheeler Walker Jr show in Nashville. Ted Cruz will not felate a man to end world hunger, Cuba Gooding and Gary Coleman and a 28 year old girl dating Al Pacino are this week’s pervs and AC/DC helps in the operating room.

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We comment on Matt Gaetz commenting on Marjorie Taylor Green commenting on Jimmy Kimmel wanting Will Smith to smack her. Greg reports on doing Joe Rogans show this week and hanging at the Comedy Store 50th anniversary party. Author of How to Murder Your Husband charged with murdering husband, a dead rapper is stuffed and propped up for his wake and Florida man is… well, Florida man.

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We better hope Will Smith does not listen to this podcast. Or Caitlyn Jenner or anybody that’s had an abortion. For the rest of you there are some great stories about a man burying a school bus full of children (they lived!) Alec Baldwin and a Brazilian singer who was rushed to the hospital because she held in her farts.

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Big news week with March Madness and The Oscars this weekend. Also 2 gay guys adopt a gay dog, a Goop Exec quits over diarrhea, and a Brazilian woman gives a homeless man a special treat in her car.

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Mike rests up after the St Paddy’s Day Parade in NYC and we discuss Danny Thomas, Pete Davidson in space, Bono’s poem, a homeless guy in FL enjoying himself a little too much in a Starbucks and how we can’t find a 3rd contestant for "Gubbins Bachelor” 

Make sure to follow Dennis Gubbins on IG @dgubs

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Two Tennessee men attacked by an angry camel, Trump loves The Village People and Jesse Smollett is NOT going to kill himself. We're still looking for a wife for Dennis Gubbins and gas prices are so high The Freedom Convoy truckers are stuck in DC and can’t get home.

Follow Dennis Gubbins on IG @dgubs

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The Freedom Truck convoy is moving slower than the Russian troop convoy in Ukraine, the battle is on for Dennis Gubbins heart and there is briefly no joy on The View. Follow Dennis Gubbins on Instagram @dgubs

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We wrap our feeble heads around the Ukraine invasion and the history of the Molotov cocktail. 2 sets of identical twins marry each other, a cheerleader in FL kills 3 hookers and in a thrilling finale Gibbs walks us through his WORDLE solution from Friday.

 

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Ice fishing shacks are the new jack shacks, a confederate flag burning in the Bayou, A Florida woman uses her relief $ to put a hit on a TSA worker, and the Queen mother pays a settlement for her garbage son Prince Andrew.

 

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SUPERBOWL SUNDAY PAPERS! Our Rams tear up as Ellen steps in and crushes a dream. Our jackass review, a gambling nun and a man runs over another man for putting mayo on his sandwich.

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Mike reads more unused jokes from the Brady Roast, we debate whether burritos are sandwiches and a woman has an emotional support goose. Also The Son of Sam thinks he’s Anne Frank and we say goodbye to Slim Shady.

 

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It’s the 100th Episode of Sunday Papers! We thank you for your support before diving into the new COVID-19 cure: drinking urine. Also a truckload of monkeys crashes in the midwest, Whoopi gets sent to her room and Rudy gets dissed. 

Follow Dennis Gubbins on Instagram @dgubs 

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From ice cold Syracuse NY we bring you news about Jerry Falwell Jr’s wife banging the pool boy, the pope telling parents to love their gay kids as if they had a disease, and Disney defending their use of dwarves. Oh yeah and the Neil Young thing.

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The Anne Frank narc is finally busted, a driverless Tesla takes some people out, and a review of Louie CK’s new special. Chinese officials are Covid-testing with anal swabs and we mark the passing of the greats Louie Anderson and Meat Loaf.

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This week: More kids are smoking cigarettes, Italian COVID-19 parties, and now we're told pot prevents COVID-19. (Gubbins can stop wearing a mask!) Plus, a TikTok creator is choked to death by his boyfriend in Detroit and a teenage boy is hacking into Teslas around the world.

   

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New Years Predictions are made and we look back at our predictions for 2021. Lot of fun facts about Siamese twins and tributes to Betty White and Sir Sidney Poitier. Oh yeah, and there’s a woman selling her farts in jars.   Support the show by visiting audible.com/papers or text "papers" to 500-500.   

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Greg Zooms in with the help of Jesus Christ from his mom’s condo in Florida while Mike prepares a trip to the desert. This week has three Florida man stories and a breakdown of an Elton John Christmas song that will bring out the holiday spirit. This is the last Sunday Papers of the year, so thanks to you guys for all the support! Happy holidays!

Follow Mike Gibbons on Instagram @GibbonsTime

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Caitlyn gets bounced from the Beverly Hilton, Ben Affleck trashes Jen Garner, and Billie Eilish watched too much porn. Kim Jong-un executed 7 people for watching K-Pop and guess what state had a teacher sleep with a student?

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Ghislaine Maxwell is scared for her life, The Saudi Camel beauty contest bans plastic surgery and it turns out life inside the Playboy mansion was a little rapey. 

 

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Tons of people joining the Mile High Club in Vegas, Tucson cops put 9 bullets in a guy in a wheelchair, a British guy "slipped and fell" onto a two-inch-wide artillery shell with his asshole and a woman breastfeeds a cat on a United fight.

 

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Some leftover stories from the week including Will Smith ejaculating until he pukes, Ghislaine’s treatment in prison, a Texas woman acting like a Florida man, and a North Korean man is sentenced to death for watching “Squid Games". Bet they do it in a fun way.

 

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We do an in-depth, behind-the-scenes dive into backstage at The Roast of Tom Brady. The Swiss Army Knife and The Boy Scouts are both transitioning, a woman snaps out of a 5 year coma and three boys are given $1M for wearing black face.

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The kids are home from college and Thanksgiving is almost here! Nazis are now trying to use humor, we visit menstrual huts in Nepal and review Taylor Swift's 10 minute song from SNL. Also, a man in China is banned from an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating all he could eat.

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Mike sees David Byrne’s show in NYC and Greg sees Erin break her wrist in San Francisco. A one lb. baby is born and Ron Howard resented Fonzie. Drake drops $1M in a strip club right after the Travis Scott concert and a Fla man punches his prison-mate for farting too much in their cell.

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We recap going to the Dead show on Halloween and reminisce about Greg taunting Mike that he was running 15 minutes behind Gumby at The NYC Marathon. QAnon predicts JFK Jr will announce Trump is still president and one compelling reason you should not keep a hippo as a pet. 

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