Luke was at a party with his girlfriend surrounded by his closest friends. He was smiling and laughing and appeared to be having a great time. But, after this moment of celebration, it was his intention to say goodbye. Nobody else knew it but he wanted to take his life that same night.

Before taking his life, Luke is driven to make a phone call to a man who he hadn’t spoken to in a long time. He is also being watched by a kind stranger who can see that something isn’t right.  

How will the kindness of an old friend and a perfect stranger unite to save Luke’s life? And will Luke eventually be able to appreciate how much he has to live for?

Today we will discover the importance of kindness. We will also see how necessary it is for men to speak out when they are at their most desperate.

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Luke Scott. His frankness, courage and generosity in sharing such a painful story is an inspiration to behold. It also provides a vital insight into how pivotal kindness can be as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world. [Original air date: November 1st, 2022]

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test

Daniel Collins was a slight 18-year-old boy who was travelling around the country clamping cars. He hated the job but his father seemed to relish it. One day, they clamped the car of a man that showed up with confrontation in his mind. The man was with 14 of his friends and started to scream and shout. In a split second, the whole situation turned violent and Daniel made a mistake that put his dad on the edge of dying.

How did things move so fast? And would Daniel ever be able to go back to his job after what had happened?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Daniel Collins. His honesty, resolve and courage in reliving such a horrific and terrifying moment is a sign of genuine strength and is profoundly appreciated. It also provides a vital insight as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world. [Original air date: October 25th, 2022]

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

When it comes to idyllic childhood’s one would be hard-pressed to think of a more harmonious one than James’. He was raised in Villefrance, a town in  the Alps located along the French and Italian border. There he spent quality time with his father who taught him about the  nurturing power of nature.

It was with a sense of horror and disbelief that one day James’ father would tell him that everything he had known would be coming to an end. That his once idyllic life would be replaced by a harsh, stifling, concrete environment, characterised by enforcing obedience and conformity.

But what would be the circumstances that would lead to this change? And how have James’ childhood experiences inspired him to help and engage young people today?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, James. His tender and heartfelt reflections on a childhood that was both cherished and lost are deeply moving and highly appreciated. They also provide a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world. [Original air date: December 12th, 2023]

*********************

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We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

Here is a special re-released episode of Stories of Men for the New Year.

You’re facing down 15 angry men. It’s just you and your dad. You clamped their cars earlier and you’ve been waiting for the men to arrive. You knew they weren’t going to be in a good mood. They’re glaring at you; screaming; shouting. Your father demands the men pay the money before you unclamp the cars. You make one small mistake. The next thing you know, your father is lying unconscious in your arms.

Daniel Collins was a slightly built 18-year-old boy who was travelling around the country clamping cars. He hated the job but his father seemed to relish it. 

It was just a small mistake Daniel made, but it spurred on his dad’s attacker.

How badly would Daniel’s dad be hurt? And would Daniel ever be able to go back to his job after this?

Today we discover how he reacted to this situation. And ask, has Daniel’s perception of masculinity changed after witnessing what happened to his father?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Daniel Collins. His honesty, resolve and courage in reliving such a horrific and terrifying moment is a sign of genuine strength and is profoundly appreciated. It also provides a vital insight as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

Here is a special re-released episode of Stories of Men for the Christmas period.

You’re a soldier driving through a warzone. You pass through a deserted village. Later you see a lonely crucifix in a field. You find out what it symbolises: one night all of the people in the village were dragged outside of their homes and executed. How do you react? Do you dare to show emotion? Do you dare to show compassion?

Jed Irving was a man’s man. He had been trained to keep his emotions in check. He didn’t react to finding out about the village massacre. He suppressed his feelings. But, years later,  that memory from the past was triggered. This time he felt a depth of compassion he had not been able to access before. But would Jed finally allow himself to express the emotions he had previously denied?

Today we discover how Jed dealt with being confronted by the past. And ask, has Jed’s perception of masculinity changed as he has grown older? And what does it truly mean to be a “tough guy” in the 21st century?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Jed Irving. His vulnerability, openness and sincerity in talking about bearing witness to such a tragic scene shows inspirational courage. It also provides meaningful reflection as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

ep 11: It’s Christmas Eve. You’re 6 years old. Your father is taking you shopping for an early Christmas present. He buys you a dictionary, a symbol of his wish for your future education.

It’s the next day and you’re woken up by a commotion in the bathroom. You get out of bed and see your father on the toilet clutching his chest. Your mum lies him down and starts performing CPR. She tells you to call 999. You call the ambulance but it will not be enough to save him. You are going to lose your dad on Christmas day.

Today we learn how Shaun was impacted by the trauma of losing his father at such a tender age. And we ask, how is a man affected by not having a male role model in his life as he is growing up?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Shuan Flores. His insight, candidness and bravery in sharing such a traumatic experience is both powerfully moving and inspiring. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 10: You’re estranged from the mother of your child. You’re jobless. You have no permanent home. You find yourself living in your ex-mother-in-law’s spare room surviving on £20 a week. You’re lying under your duvet. You’re contemplating ending it all.

Then you get a phone call from your father. You’re reluctant to answer. You know that his judgement will only add to your misery. But, for some reason, you accept the call and you receive an offer that is going to completely change your fortunes.

Today we discover how reconnecting with his father allowed Bode to find renewed direction in his life. And ask, how can we as men recover from the wounds of childhood in order to become role models for our own children?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Bode. The charisma, frankness, and wisdom he shows in talking about the darkest and most inspiring moments of his life is a wonder to behold. His story also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

(References made to his book: “Fatherhood by Papa B”)

*********************

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We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 9: You’re 29 years old and you get the worst news you could ever imagine receiving. It’s about your best friend, the person you’ve known since you were a child. He’s ill and he isn’t going to recover.

It was a friendship that had lasted a lifetime. Anthony and David had known each other since they were 8. They’d played together at school and they would relive the energy and innocence of those days every time they met. Yet, at the tender age of 29, David would be diagnosed with terminal cancer. Anthony was about to lose one of the most important people in his life.

Today we discover how Anthony came to terms with this loss. While asking, what is it that a man goes through when he loses his best friend? And how can we be more appreciative of the male friendships in our lives?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Anthony. His energy, generosity, and courageousness in talking about such a tragic experience is inspirational. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

ep 8: You’re struggling at work. Your energy levels are perilously low. You’re losing confidence. Even the minutest of challenges feels like a massive hurdle. On the train ride home, you are in paroxysms of tears. Something isn’t right.

You get home and your wife asks if you’re OK. You tell her no but you don’t want to talk about it. The next morning you wake up with a heavy feeling in your stomach. You realise that the situation is coming to a head. You cannot keep going on like this.

Today we discover how Mike was finally able to acknowledge his experience of burn-out at work. And ask, how can men begin to recognise early on when enough is enough and step away from a situation which is causing them mental distress?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Mike. His openness, sensitivity, and bravery in retelling moments of profound distress is truly appreciated. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 7: You’ve just been out partying with your friends. You’re walking home and it’s late at night. You hear footsteps behind you. They seem to be getting louder with each stride. Do you turn around to see who it is? Do you run away as fast as you can? Or do you carry on and hope that there’s nothing wrong?

Nicco had only just arrived in the UK and he was trying to fit in. He didn’t want to come across as paranoid or be seen to over-react to his surroundings. But he hadn’t felt comfortable. He’d felt as if he were being pursued. That very night he and his friends would suffer a violent, unmotivated attack by a group of men. Now he asks himself, why didn’t I listen to my instincts? Why didn’t I escape the situation while I  had a chance?

Today we discover how Nicco has dealt with the trauma following the attack. And ask, has his perception of masculinity changed since being the victim of such motiveless violence?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Nicco. His perceptiveness, generosity, and tenacity in retelling this traumatic moment in his life is inspirational. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test

ep 6: You’re working in a job that you hate. It’s become so bad that you’ve started searching for other vacancies during working hours. But one day you get called into the office and you’re told that you’ve lost your job. How do you react?

Jay Smith was sat in that office in front of his two male superiors and his reaction was to cry. He thought about his financial commitments. He thought about how he would be perceived as a man who was now unemployed. But, immediately, he began to feel ashamed. Why had he revealed his emotions so nakedly to these men? Wasn’t it wrong for a man to cry in public?

Today we discover how Jay dealt with both losing his job and losing control of his emotions. And ask, has his perception of masculinity changed after revealing his vulnerability?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Jay Smith. His honesty, self-reflection and magnanimity in retelling this pivotal moment in his life is richly appreciated. It's also a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

ep 5: You’ve just started at a new school. You’re standing in the playground. You’re minding your own business. Suddenly, you’re attacked by three boys. They fling you to the ground. Your nose hits the floor. You’ve been humiliated, and embarrassed. How do you respond? Do you assert yourself and try to stand up to the bullies? Or do you stay quiet and risk being picked on again?

Scott Johnston decided to assert himself and he was attacked even more viciously. It was at the end of the attack that he discovered the motive. He’d been picked on because he was overweight.

Today we discover how Scott used this attack as motivation to survive in a febrile school environment. And ask, how has dealing with bullying and body image concerns influenced his sense of being a man and his perception of masculinity?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Scott. His frankness, confidence, and courage in retelling moments of genuine vulnerability is profoundly appreciated. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 4: You’re at a party with your girlfriend surrounded by your closest friends. You’re smiling and laughing and appear to be having a great time. But, after this moment of celebration, it is your intention to say goodbye. Nobody else knows it but you plan on ending your life that very night.

Before taking his life, Luke is driven to make a phone call to a man who he hadn’t spoken to in a long time. He is also being watched by a kind stranger who can see that something isn’t right.  How will the kindness of an old friend and a perfect stranger unite to save Luke’s life? And will Luke eventually be able to appreciate how much he has to live for?

Today we will discover the importance of kindness. We will also see how necessary it is for men to speak out when they are at their most desperate.

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Luke Scott. His frankness, courage and generosity in sharing such a painful story is an inspiration to behold. It also provides a vital insight into how pivotal kindness can be as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test

Speeding along the motorway listening to music from his youth, Andy was reflecting on happier times. He was thinking about a holiday in Ibiza when he was 19 years old and hadn’t a care in the world. He’d been genuinely happy then. 

Now he felt angry, destructive. He saw nothing ahead of him except struggle and pain. He put his foot on the accelerator and saw the speedometer rise to 90 miles per hour. He bobbed and weaved his way through the cars. He took his hands off the steering wheel. He closed his eyes, he started to count. Within the deep blackness Andy was being hurtled, he was taking the ultimate gamble.

What had led Andy to this point? And what tools are available to help men like Andy in society today?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Andy. His moving and brave recollections of the challenges he has faced are both enlightening and highly appreciated. They also provide a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world. [Original air date: May 12th, 2023]

Referenced website: epicriskmanagement.com

*********************

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We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 3: You’re facing down 15 angry men. It’s just you and your dad. You clamped their cars earlier and you’ve been waiting for the men to arrive. You knew they weren’t going to be in a good mood. They’re glaring at you; screaming; shouting. Your father demands the men pay the money before you unclamp the cars. You make one small mistake. The next thing you know, your father is lying unconscious in your arms.

Daniel Collins was a slightly built 18-year-old boy who was travelling around the country clamping cars. He hated the job but his father seemed to relish it. 

It was just a small mistake Daniel made, but it spurred on his dad’s attacker.

How badly would Daniel’s dad be hurt? And would Daniel ever be able to go back to his job after this?

Today we discover how he reacted to this situation. And ask, has Daniel’s perception of masculinity changed after witnessing what happened to his father?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Daniel Collins. His honesty, resolve and courage in reliving such a horrific and terrifying moment is a sign of genuine strength and is profoundly appreciated. It also provides a vital insight as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

ep 2: You’re a soldier driving through a warzone. You pass through a deserted village. Later you see a lonely crucifix in a field. You find out what it symbolises: one night all of the people in the village were dragged outside of their homes and executed. How do you react? Do you dare to show emotion? Do you dare to show compassion?

Jed Irving was a man’s man. He had been trained to keep his emotions in check. He didn’t react to finding out about the village massacre. He suppressed his feelings. But, years later,  that memory from the past was triggered. This time he felt a depth of compassion he had not been able to access before. But would Jed finally allow himself to express the emotions he had previously denied?

Today we discover how Jed dealt with being confronted by the past. And ask, has Jed’s perception of masculinity changed as he has grown older? And what does it truly mean to be a “tough guy” in the 21st century?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Jed Irving. His vulnerability, openness and sincerity in talking about bearing witness to such a tragic scene shows inspirational courage. It also provides meaningful reflection as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

ep 1: Your dad’s on life support. Do you turn it off? All eyes are on you to make the ultimate decision. What do you do? 

Alexander Lindsay was struggling with burnout. Having just left the job he loved, he received a phone call nobody is ever prepared for.

On getting to the hospital Alexander found himself in a room with both his mum, and his dad’s lover. But with doctors needing answers, this was no time for family drama. 

As the oldest male in the family, all eyes are on you. Would you decide to take your dad off life support to see if he survives by himself? 

Today we discover how he dealt with the situation. And ask, has Alexander’s perception of masculinity changed after the pressure of that decision?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest Alexander Lindsay. Their openness, candour, and bravery in retelling this tough moment in their life for us is awe inspiring.

It's a vital part of the puzzle, as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test

Traditional ideas of masculinity are dead, and now men struggle to find their place in the world.

In Stories of Men, Alex Melia speaks to men who’ve overcome challenging circumstances to find out what they’ve learned about being a man in today’s world.

Alex Melia is a businessman and podcaster. From humble beginnings in Greater Manchester, he built a business which now employs over 30 people. Ten years in, and the company sustains him without his involvement. He now travels the world on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life - and wants to help others from similar backgrounds do the same. 

*********************

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We're changing direction.

After 98 episodes and 2 years making Our Voices, I've decided to switch the focus of the show.

It will now be called Stories of Men: Beneath the Surface.

I want to continue our positive impact, but challenges around the theme of masculinity have been present throughout my whole life. It's where my passion currently lies, and it's where I feel I can have the biggest positive impact.

Thank you for your support so far, and I'm looking forward to growing this community with a sharper focus, and a deeper connection.

Darren openly discusses the plethora of negative feelings that contributed to his emotional breakdown on his way to work. He was working in finance. It was an industry that had provided him with the good life. However, he knew that something deep down was not right. He had been drinking too much and struggling to sleep at night. All of this came to a head on one fateful morning.

 “I physically stopped. I stopped and I looked at this big glass building and these big doors that I've walked in so many times. I couldn't. It was as if my legs had grown roots.”

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

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A Fascinate Production

Tim discusses his struggle with expressing emotions. He also talks about the way in which his outbursts of temper are linked to societal expectations. Working as a delivery driver, Tim already had a strained relationship with his manager but, after a particularly bad day at work, he found himself losing control in a way which would make him deeply reflect on both his emotions and his identity.

“I literally have a switch in my brain go off… I went off like a bloody rocket.  And I shouted at her and I must have shouted for like two seconds. But I said, don't you bloody tell me to calm down.”

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Kenny discusses his struggles with drinking and his battle to stay alcohol-free. He reflects on how alcohol use damaged his relationships with his wife and children. He also discusses how support from Andy’s Man Club has helped him to turn his life around. Through the simple act of talking about his experiences, Kenny has learnt to take control of his drinking and become the husband and father he always wanted to be.

“There's actually a photo on my Facebook of me sat on the living room floor. And it was my youngest daughter at the time, putting stickers all over my face… But my daughter is having the time of her life, whereas I'm sitting opposite not wanting to be there, not wanting to live.”

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A Fascinate Production

John discusses a particularly intense confrontation caused by the expression of an unpopular opinion. In Leeds in 1981, John was taking part in a local council meeting. The debate that was taking place was in regards to travellers. John would be the only person in that room to stand up for a maligned constituent of the local community and he would be forced to confront the consequences of expressing his views.

 “I felt quite threatened really, you know, I thought, is this guy going to come? And are we going to have an open fight at the back of the council meeting? And I kind of felt, well, we've gone beyond words here.”

*********************

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John discusses his vulnerability when experiencing financial stress and his reluctance to open up about his financial situation to his family. He talks about his initial desire to hide the reality of his difficult situation from his family. He then describes the subsequent feelings of guilt when he realised that he was cutting out the people he should have been doing his utmost to let in.

 “I struggled for breath. I could feel it. It's a horrible feeling, almost like you're drowning. And you want to reach out for something, you know, reach out for that lifebelt… I was desperately trying to think - where can I get some money from to make this problem go away.”

*********************

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We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

You’re a soldier driving through a warzone. You pass through a deserted village. Later you see a lonely crucifix in a field. You find out what it symbolises: one night all of the people in the village were dragged outside of their homes and executed. How do you react? Do you dare to show emotion? Do you dare to show compassion?

Jed Irving was a man’s man. He had been trained to keep his emotions in check. He didn’t react to finding out about the village massacre. He suppressed his feelings. But, years later,  that memory from the past was triggered. This time he felt a depth of compassion he had not been able to access before. But would Jed finally allow himself to express the emotions he had previously denied?

Today we discover how Jed dealt with being confronted by the past. And ask, has Jed’s perception of masculinity changed as he has grown older? And what does it truly mean to be a “tough guy” in the 21st century?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Jed Irving. His vulnerability, openness and sincerity in talking about bearing witness to such a tragic scene shows inspirational courage. It also provides meaningful reflection as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

*********************

Check out the Stories Of Men website for more on this story

We're also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

A Fascinate Production

Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test

Adam speaks about his difficulties in letting go of control after being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. He talks about the initial concerns of being unable to resolve his health problems. He then goes on to discuss his fears about how having a chronic condition could impact both his family life and his career. Eventually, he reveals how learning to talk about his problems gave him the tools to get his concerns into perspective.

 “We're all weird. We're all strange, because we're all individual. No two people are really ever the same. But we've all got extremely similar experiences.”

*********************

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A dangerous and intense storm thrashed the boat. Leon at the helm, with his crews life in his hands. Today, we hear about Leon Ward’s fear of letting people down as he talks about the actions he took, or didn't take that day. The storm occurred while he was participating in an annual sailing competition and he saw that it posed a genuine danger to his and his team-mates’ lives. He discusses feeling, for the first time, as if he had fundamentally reached his limit.

“I did everything I was supposed to do except for this one thing. And this one thing just sits there as a problem for me… I let everybody down.”

*********************

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Alex Melia, the founder of the Our Voices podcast, discusses the traumatic experience of being the victim of a brutal attack on the streets of Mexico. He also reveals how, in the aftermath of the attack, he began to experience panic attacks for the first time in many years. All of this caused him to reflect on the expectations of masculinity and saw him go on a journey which led back to unresolved childhood trauma.

*********************

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This season, we're asking what does it mean to be a man in the modern era? and how can we become better every day. I’m to discover how men are dealing with conflicting expectations. And I’m going to take you along for the ride.

We’ll learn how to process failure, and deal with confrontation. When to stand up for what you believe in, and how to manage being on the brink of bankruptcy.

But first up, I’m going to tell you my story. It's about an event, just a couple of months ago, that made me reassess, and question everything.

Join me, Alex Melia as we discover what it means to be a man in 2022.

Esther was a model student at school. She was a member of multiple extra-curricular groups and she excelled in all of her subjects. Well, there was one exception: maths. If it hadn’t been for a particularly dedicated teacher, Esther may never have learned how to make sense of this subject. But not only did Esther achieve an improbably high maths grade, she also became a maths teacher herself.

 “I guess it's just a testament to what perseverance and a change of mindset can do. I'm not going to claim by any stretch that I was suddenly some miraculous wiz at mathematics; that was hard work, graft and a lot of patience from a very committed teacher. But that day I was just shaking.”

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Abigail was born with one arm and faced pressure from both her doctor and the wider community to wear a prosthetic arm in order to fit in. But Abigail has never been particularly interested in fitting in. Instead, she has found a way to live her life on her own terms. She describes her sense of confidence and single-mindedness as largely being inspired by her mum.

 “A group of people who were like minded came together and were able to build something that changes people's lives. And that, for me, is an important part of my life. And it's a result of all of the people who've touched it.”

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Tinu talks about her experiences of growing up and experiencing racism at school. At the time, racism was institutionalised and virtually ever-present in Tinu’s school life. However, there was one place where Tinu felt safe and there was one special teacher whom she had always remembered fondly. It wasn’t until she returned to her old school for a final reunion that she realised how her special teacher had actually let her down.

 “It’s the moment where everything you thought you knew about something completely changes. They say when you're dying that your life flashes in front of your eyes. It's that sort of experience in reverse where basically you sort of unwind a whole history, a whole narrative.”

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Siobhan is a proud single mum who founded The Positive Birth Company. She talks about her difficult relationship with her mother as a teenager and how she had to make a life-changing decision when discovering she was pregnant as a young single woman. She also discusses the ways in which her attitude towards her mum has developed as she has begun to see the positive influence she has had.

“I absolutely wanted to prove that you're all wrong. It was only my mum that was saying it, but I felt like the general kind of societal attitude towards me was, ‘you're going to be a young single good for nothing mother’. And I was determined to not be that.”

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We learn about the special bond between father and daughter. Sunetra recounts how her father, Dhruba, has been a life-long inspiration. She also discusses how she and her own daughters have embraced the values he espoused. It all began back in India when she would discuss politics and art with her father and his friends. Now she has a fulfilling career in the UK and her father’s influence continues to loom large.

“your real goals are to achieve happiness, fulfilment, and to be able to care for others and to be able to do something that makes you feel like you’ve achieved your purpose in life. And that's not something anyone can endorse externally.”

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James talks about how the power of technology can create a sense of community. He recalls the unifying role the radio played while living in a remote village in Somerset. He then goes on to discuss how a shared appreciation for technology created opportunities for bonding at school. Finally, he details how he has pursued his love of communications technology in the workplace, a journey which has taken him all the way to Australia.

 “Radio and audio are able to give you an awful amount of community feeling, an awful amount of company, companionship.”

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It was his first summer holiday with the boys in Spain. Alan and his mates were bragging about all the money they’d brought with them for their two weeks in the sun. Yet, while his mates all seemed to be expressing genuine excitement, Alan felt anxious about the days to come.

After the first night out, all of the lads returned in a drunken state. They left their clothes strewn across the apartment as they collapsed into sleep. Only Alan remained awake. He couldn’t stop thinking about a lie he’d told earlier. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he had come on a two-week holiday with his mates without bringing any money with him at all.

How would Alan get through the next two weeks of his holiday? And what had got him into such a precarious situation to begin with?

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Alan. His frank and unflinching discussion of some truly difficult topics are deeply valued. It also provides a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world.

Referenced links: epicriskmanagement.com

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/the_man_test_som

We are taken on the evolving journey of the life of Roger. He was a carpenter who went on to become a model and is now a public fitness coach. Roger’s journey has taken him around the world and seen him work with some of the biggest global brands. He recounts some of his life-changing conversations and how the power of words has shaped him along the way.

“When you're with someone, really be with them, really be present, really listen to the words that are leaving their mouth, because those words can be gold dust. And you could be looking back on a conversation in 10 years’ time going, oh I really needed to hear those words.”

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Sara Sutcliffe is the current CEO of the Royal Yachting Association. She has had an eventful and fascinating career, including working on the team that secured London’s bid for the 2012 Olympics. She discusses working with prominent politicians such as the late Tessa Jowell and the current Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. She also provides her reflections on the role models who have had the biggest influence on her throughout her journey.

 “The first thing I say to people who work with me is: you have absolute permission to make mistakes, what you don't have permission to do is to try and cover them up. Please just be honest.”

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This season, we're looking at the impact of role models.

How people found their role models, what happens when you grow up without a role model, and how to be a good one for others.

Here's to all the Role models out there, you know who you are, and you're great!

Keep on paying it forward.

Ciara was born with a learning disability but she has refused to accept the limitations that society has outlined for her. Despite having struggles at school and being told that she would not be able to live a full life, she has drawn inspiration from others, including her supportive and successful cousin, The Edge from U2. This has helped her to find a way to unleash her own potential.

“Just because you have a learning disability, it doesn't make you any different. It just means you might need some extra support in your life. And everybody has some kind of difficulty in their life. Everybody has barriers.” 

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Ben, a 17-year-old student with autism is preparing for his A-levels, and excited about the prospect of going to university. He's fortunate to have a big sister, Ruth, who has been giving him advice on how best to prepare for the next potential phase of his life.

“The best way for me to describe it is it means I think differently, and my brain is wired completely differently to anyone else. It's a different way of living, a different way of seeing the world. And the reason why it's a disability is because the world is not built for autistic people. It's built for non autistic people.”

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Since contracting polio as a child, Ric has been in a wheelchair for most of his life; however, he has proven himself to be particularly resourceful. With his personal mantra of “there’s no such word as can’t”, Ric has found a way to do things that many would assume would be beyond his ability; including, raising his children as a stay at home dad and competing in the London Marathon.

“Having a disability is just an impairment. It's not the end of your life or anything. It's just something that needs to be addressed. And far more of what makes you disabled is the social environment around you, rather than what you can't do.”

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Issy is a woman who is living with Fibromyalgia. She talks about her powerful imagination and the uniqueness that characterises her personality. She also reflects on the way that her differences have made her life particularly challenging as both a child and an adult. More recently she has been able to make her voice heard and she plans to use it to fight for a more empathetic and inclusive society.

“I sat there, and I just cried. I said, I am just so proud of myself, that I have been able to ignore my inner saboteur and my inner demons and that I've got myself to a position where I can be interviewed for a job role that I am desperately wanting to do, and a job where people are gonna listen to me. And I'm going to be able to impact other people's lives and make a difference and make a change.”

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As a child, Seema was a big fan of cars. Her father was a car mechanic and she would roam around his garage and pretend to drive the cars. “My passion was being able to drive. I always thought, when I grew up, I'll have a car, I'll be able to stop at the petrol station, I’ll go and stop and get some shopping. So I used to roleplay all this sort of stuff when I was about 6, 7, 8.”

“The thing is, when you have a disability, you have so many restrictions already. When COVID-19 hit, basically, it made life much more difficult for people who are vulnerable and disabled. It exacerbated the situation of people like myself… I was sick and tired.. I just wanted to have my own freedom back.”

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Gavin is someone who is passionate about promoting disability awareness. He has also made fighting for equality and fairness a principle objective in his life. After working with people with disabilities for a number of years he became aware of how much discrimination such individuals often face due to simple ignorance. He has now made it his mission to change attitudes towards disability by using technology.

“What we are doing when we make sure everybody in our society has access to information is we are changing the way society interacts. Now, this is such a big idea. It's massive.”

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Alexandra is a British-Jamaican woman who suffered a life-changing injury as a teenager and went on to become an award-winning Paralympian. Following a diving accident while swimming in Jamaica, it took many months of rehabilitation and readjustment for Alexandra to be able to relearn how to be independent. Her story shows her ability not only to adapt to the circumstances of her disability, but to find a way to prosper.

“I basically ran into the water and dived. And the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and I was looking at the sea floor… I tried to move, I couldn't, I tried again to move, I couldn't. And at that point in time, I knew what had happened.”

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After the previously independent company that he’d worked for had been bought up by a much larger one, Anuj had begun to lose his passion for his job. The one benefit that had remained was his team, who he thoroughly enjoyed working with. But  even that would come under threat as Anuj was told that he needed to make two of them redundant. 

Anuj decided that it was time for him to formulate a plan. Once he had it clearly formulated, he steeled himself to tell his boss about it before the scheduled redundancy meeting would take place. With trepidation in his heart, he would prepare to tell his boss what he felt needed to be said.

Alex Melia, and the Stories of Men team are on a mission to uncover what it means to live an independent and meaningful life. We'll be sharing this knowledge with you every week.

We’d like to extend our appreciation to today’s guest, Anuj. His thoughtful and open reflections on the workplace and the pressures of being a breadwinner are deeply appreciated. They also provide a vital part of the puzzle as we try to piece together what it means to be a man in today’s world. [Original air date: November 14th, 2023]

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Mentioned in this episode:

Take The Man Test here: https://bit.ly/som_the_man_test

Episode summary: Clare has taken a positive attitude towards disability. She was born with a neuromuscular condition which meant that she required a lot of support as a child. Yet she was also born into a loving family who did not view her condition as simply an inconvenience. As far as Clare’s family were concerned, she was no different to anyone else and she should have the aspirations of any other child.

“As a child, I thought, I'm going to do something. I don't know what it is but I'm going to do something.”

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The new season of Our Voices is out tomorrow!

This season we'll be hearing what it's like to live in the UK with a disability.

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We will hear a story about travel and self-discovery. Kate is a travel journalist and writer who lives in London. She talks about the origins of her love of travelling and about the difficult relationship she had with her mother while growing up. She also discusses how she found the confidence to take her own path in life, rather than following in the footsteps of her peers.

“You can't rewrite your childhood, but you can start the next chapter on your own terms.”

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