A self-development podcast with philosophical, psychological and literary flair hosted by Victoria Hutchins, the creator of @thedailyvictorian and nationally bestselling author of MAKE BELIEVE. Episodes every other Sunday.
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The manosphere wants you to think charisma is all about dominance and control. But what if itβs actually about deep presence and social courage?
I donβt want to be like the guy who uses scarce communication to hide his lack of depth and fear of commitment. I want to be like the people who make you feel cool just by talking to them, while radiating charisma themselves.
If youβve ever wondered why some people can have fun talking to literally anyone, struggled to know what to say when someone asks you a question, or wished you were more comfortable saying what you actually think, this episode is for you.
In todayβs episode, we unpack 5 habits of highly charismatic people, from what they say when theyβre getting to know someone to how they navigate disagreements. Along the way, weβll talk about what we can learn from Socrates about swag, dive into the science of answering any question well, and use Byung-Chul Hanβs concept of βthe smoothβ to investigate how we can stay raw and real in a world that tries to sand our edges.
EPISODE OUTLINE: HABITS OF HIGHLY CHARISMATIC PEOPLE
00:00 Intro
07:14 1. How to ask better questionsΒ
08:18 The science of how asking questions makes people like youΒ
10:18 The power of follow-up questions
13:41 2. How to answer any question without freezingΒ
14:37 The scary thing no one tells you about writing a bookΒ
17:11 Why your mind goes blank when someone asks you a questionΒ
18:03 The secret to answering questions with easeΒ
20:21 The link between storytelling and charisma
22:40 3. Stop performing agreement in conversationsΒ
23:18 What is backchanneling?Β
23:59 Upspeak, confidence, gender, and the way we talkΒ
26:05 Should we actually backchannel less?
28:58 4. How charismatic people handle disagreementΒ
30:27 What Socrates can teach us about intellectual humility
32:14 5. Stop treating human connection like a formula
33:36 Byung-Chul Han and βthe smoothβ
36:13 Btw youβre not a chad for wanting to be loved
Pumpkin spice apologists wya? Itβs the great lock in Charlie Brown!!!!! In this episode, Iβm walking you through the exact five-step seasonal planning system that dramatically changed my life a few years back. Along the way, weβll dive into the philosophy and psychology behind why it works. Weβll talk through Nietzscheβs philosophy on habits, Simone de Beauvoirβs ideas on how to reconcile your past and future selves, the planning fallacy, and more. Whether you want to change the trajectory of your life this fall or just set up some systems to make life a little less chaotic, this episode is for you.Β
EPISODE OUTLINE: HOW TO PLAN YOUR FALL TO CHANGE YOUR LIFEΒ
00:00 Intro
06:21 I made you a worksheet β‘Μ
09:30 STEP 1: THE AUDIT
10:36 Facticity vs. transcendence (de Beauvoir)Β
11:11 The importance of considering both your past and your potential
12:55 Using self-distancing to self-reflect more effectively
13:31 How to audit your goals
14:56 How to audit your execution
18:24 STEP 2: THE PURGEΒ
19:07 The paradox of choice
Cleaning out digital and physical worlds
22:15 Choice architecture
25:15 STEP 3: THE CHOICE
25:55 The planning fallacy
27:54 Optimism bias & why overplanning feels good
29:00 STEP 4. THE TRADE OFFΒ
31:25 Nietzscheβs on the power of βbrief habitsβΒ
33:10 STEP 5. THE TIMEΒ
34:33 Temporal landmarks and why they make you more likely to achieve goalsΒ
The Possibility Crisis of Your Late 20s
Season 3 Β· Episode 3
Sunday, August 16, 2026 β’ Duration 27:59
If your early twenties are for your Sylvia Plath fig tree allegory crisis, then your late twenties are for your Joan Didion Goodbye to All That crisis. In her famous 1967 essay, Didion writes, βThat was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.β
This episode explores a strain of existential dread that often shows up in your late twenties: the possibility crisis. Sometimes it hits you after capital-S Something happens. A bad break up, a wounding professional failure, or a friendship ending that felt like betrayal. Other times, there is no one defining moment or incident. You just realize one day that you are no longer as bright eyed, bushy tailed, or hopeful as you used to be, and canβt put your finger on why.Β
Using Didionβs Goodbye to All That as our guide, we break down three key signs you might be experiencing a possibility crisis and what it might be trying to teach you.Β Along the way, we talk about how to cope with the realization that certain doors really do close, what to do when new people stop feeling full of promise, and how to let go of the fantasy that someday youβll magically know what youβre doing. Consider this episode a field guide on the strange grief of growing up.Β
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 IntroΒ
04:23 What made Joan Didion great?
05:13 Signs of a Goodbye to All That crisis
05:46 1. You realize future you is just you
07:41 Weird girl moneyΒ
08:22 The 90sβ overly adult depiction of your 30s
10:41 2. You stop believing in new faces
11:32 Hope springs eternal on Love Island
Rituals for De-Internalizing the Male Gaze
Season 3 Β· Episode 2
Sunday, August 2, 2026 β’ Duration 30:41
Be honest: do you ever perform for no one? Do you spectate your own life instead of living it? Have you ever caught yourself changing pieces of you, from your clothes to your voice to your hobbies, in order to impress someone you donβt even like?Β
This episode is for you if youβve ever sucked in your stomach in a completely empty room. Or scrolled through your own social media posts, imagining someone else looking at them. Itβs for you if you've ever looked at yourself through someone else's eyes for so long that you've forgotten what you look like through your own.
In it, weβll unpack how we get trapped under the male gaze through the work of Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir, Susan Sontag, Margaret Atwood, Ada LimΓ³n, and more. Then, I'll walk you through 7 rituals that have actually helped me climb out from under it.
This is not an episode about giving up on love. It is a field guide on how to stop twisting yourself into inauthentic shapes to earn validation to fill the void of love. If you want to become the subject of your own life again, I think you'll like this one.
RITUALS FOR DE-INTERNALIZING THE MALE GAZE: EPISODE OUTLINE
15:42 3. Interrogate βI do it for myselfβ (de Beauvoir)
16:50 de Beauvoir v. Sartre: existence precedes essence?
17:21 Do we have to stop shaving to be good feminists?
Secret Portals to Your Next Self
Season 3 Β· Episode 1
Sunday, July 19, 2026 β’ Duration 36:18
In stories, the narrator tells you which ordinary things are portals to magic and adventure. In real life, you have to find them yourself.
This episode reveals 5 secret portals to the next version of yourself: seemingly ordinary choices, traits, and habits that are thresholds to the future version of you who lives with more courage, clarity, and freedom. Itβs for you if an old version of you has died but the new one hasnβt been born yet. You might have recently experienced a big life change: a move, or a relationship ending, or a career change. Or maybe you know one is coming. Itβs for you if you have an unshakeable feeling that there is a more alive version of you out there, if only you could figure out how to get to them.Β
Weβll examine the work of philosophyβs greatest minds, like Nietzsche, Kant, Kafka, and the Ancient Greeks, to uncover the hidden thresholds between who you are and who you're becoming, and point out clues for how to spot them when they appear in your own life.
EPISODE OUTLINEΒ
00:00 Intro
04:54 I missed you
06:05 Help me keep Soul Gum ad-free
07:35 Talk to me!!!Β
08:18 1. Intuition is a portal
08:49 Nietzscheβs beef with Socrates
10:44 The neuroscience of intuition (Gary Klein) Β
12:31 I exist because of a womanβs intuition
13:03 The tension between ambition & intuition
14:13 Mary Oliver on reacquianting with your intuition
15:05 Small ways to reconnect with your intuition
15:42 2. Solitude is a portal (Pascal)
16:39 The fear of being alone with your thoughts
Season 3 Coming Soon
Season 2
Sunday, September 7, 2025 β’ Duration 06:30
See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back.
Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If youβre curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you.Β
EPISODE OUTLINEΒ
00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love)
03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love)
07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on loveΒ
07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Platoβs The Symposium)
09:03 Socratesβ ladder of loveΒ
13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on loveΒ
13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau)
13:58 Rousseauβs two types of self loveΒ
15:22 How self love affects how you love others
17:31 The humanity formula (Kant)Β Β
19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant)
22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer)
24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer)
24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer)
26:06 Existentialists on love
26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre)
27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre)
30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoirβs non-monogamous love storyΒ
31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir)Β
33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir)Β
7 Secrets of Creative Geniuses
Sunday, August 17, 2025 β’ Duration 43:23
Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while youβre stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If youβre ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this oneβs for you.Β
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists)
03:58 1. Great creatives donβt let perfection be the enemy of creation (Platoβs Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on βthe gapβ)
11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act)
14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffmanβs adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship)
20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliverβs editing process; Stanley Kubrickβs many takes)
25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartzβs paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinsonβs Law)
30:35 6. They know that if they donβt create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbertβs hand-off story with Ann Patchett)
34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter)
37:57 Lightning round recap
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEΒ
β’ Plato, The RepublicΒ
Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity ( and )
How I Got My Spirituality Back
Season 2 Β· Episode 30
Sunday, August 10, 2025 β’ Duration 43:38
What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe againβsort of. This isnβt a βhow to get your faith backβ story. Itβs the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. Weβll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascalβs wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play.Β
EPISODE OUTLINE
00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of)
08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time
10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began
18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self
19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better
26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity
27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole
29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus)
30:57 Pascalβs Wager explained and what it gets wrong
32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice)
33:53 What βgodβ means to me nowΒ
35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you?
36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus)
36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson)
38:14 Lightning round recapΒ
How to Get Better at Confrontation
Sunday, August 3, 2025 β’ Duration 35:48
Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harderβon your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. Weβll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman instituteβs world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says βwe need to talk,β this one's for you.
EPISODE OUTLINEΒ
00:00 IntroΒ
05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respectΒ
