Explore every episode of the podcast Sex, Love, and Addiction

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	Title	Pub. Date	Duration
	Surrendering to Sexual Sobriety Part 1	17 Sep 2026	00:32:39
Dr. Rob is joined by Justin Bridges, author and expert on sexual sobriety and healing. Together they explore the early experiences that led Justin to seek sobriety at age 17, the importance of support groups in recovery, and the healing journey that has led a sexually sober Justin to finally live the life that he has always wanted. TAKEAWAYS: [2:04] Seeking sobriety at age 17. [4:00] Justin’s rock bottom moment. [7:11] “I’ll show up and listen, but I’m not giving up anything.” [7:45] The power of support groups. [8:51] The role models that encouraged Justin’s destructive behavior. [11:00] Trying to bring his deceased mother back. [14:02] Rigorous, brazen behavior of an addict. [15:42] Justin’s life today, and how long it took him to get here. [19:00] What does addict father behavior look like? [22:45] Characteristics of a healthy relationship. [27:01] Finding balance and respect in attraction. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “I was proud of my behavior, but I see now that I was just an addict.” “Now, I do not wish to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct.” “Eventually, I had to surrender to new levels of sobriety.” “My healthy relationhip came from recovery, and it has evolved through recovery.”
	Surrendering to Sexual Sobriety Part 2	17 Sep 2026	00:37:48
Dr. Rob and Justin Bridges, author and expert on sexual sobriety and healing, continue their discussion about the rigorous process of healing – what it takes to fully commit, realistic time lines, and the importance of embracing imperfections while seeking perfection. Their conversation is filled with advice for ways to flood an addict’s life with sobriety so that you can finally drown out the disease. TAKEAWAYS: [2:30] Radical change was essential for Justin’s recovery. [6:12] Realistic timelines in lasting recovery. [8:21] Accepting imperfections while seeking perfection. [11:30] Inexpensive tactics that supported Justin along the way. [16:10] Accessing your emotions when you stop acting out. [18:48] What is a recovery program? [23:00] Recovery after the loss of relationships. [26:25] Flood your life with sobriety. [30:22] Add more recovery to drown out the addiction. [32:01] Seeking validation in healthy ways. [35:00] Becoming a true gentle-man. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “I started to focus my small wins into the belief that greater change might be possible.” “You’ll have more access to your emotions when you aren’t acting out.” “If I put myself in the middle of the recovery pack, I’m going to be safer.” “Find a meeting you can live for. You’ll know when you get there.”
	Stop Setting Yourself on Fire To Keep Everyone Else Warm Part 1	14 Aug 2026	00:34:59
Dr. Rob is joined by compatibility specialist Jena Jake. Together they discuss the power of feeling a pain so strong that you are finally ready to stop self-abandoning. They explore the importance of awareness and boundaries, what it looks like to build a life alone, and strategies for carefully choosing the self-talk and blaming that so many of us face in unhealthy relationships. TAKEAWAYS: [2:03] Jena’s transition from marital therapy to executive coaching. [3:35] What are we looking for when choosing a partner? [6:07] Identifying patterns that feel like love. [8:42] Jena’s ABA formula, including awareness and healthy boundaries. [12:24] Your inner self needs you to stop giving yourself away. [15:10] Facing your wake up moment. [17:00] Yes, you can build a life alone. [17:53] Seen, safe, supported, sought after and satisfied. [22:28] Rebuilding trust after betrayal. [27:55] Be careful about self-talk and blame. [29:50] Jena’s healing journey. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “What feels familiar isn’t always what’s aligned or what’s good for you.” “Stop setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.” “You may not have gotten better, but you did deserve better.” “I don’t have to trust you, but I do have to trust myself.”
	Stop Setting Yourself on Fire To Keep Everyone Else Warm Part 2	14 Aug 2026	00:36:54
Dr. Rob and Jena Jake continue their conversation about finding healthy relationships that you can model, the role of grief in love and healing, and tactics to empower yourself today, no matter what your healthy or unhealthy relationships with a spouse, partner, child or parent might look like. TAKEAWAYS: [1:24] Pushing back against powerful but unhealthy attachments. [6:10] How could I not have know this was happening? [8:08] Making improvements within yourself. [9:56] The role of grief in love and healing. [12:32] When is it finally time to stop and say no? [16:10] Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. [19:26] Tactics to empower yourself now. [22:05] Identifying the patterns that create your actions. [26:15] Jena’s final advice for empowerment. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Change your familiar and your baseline for relationships.” “You’re not trying to get someone, you’re trying to become someone.” “It’s time to stop self-abandoning and start moving forward.” “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” “Empowering yourself empowers other people.”
	The Many Faces of Loneliness Part 2	16 Jul 2026	00:35:07
Dr. Rob, Beth Kelley, and Dr. Brett Kennedy continue their conversation about the many faces of loneliness. They consider the challenge and impact of technology on authentic relationships, explore Dr. Rob’s recent experience with ChatGPT, and reflect on the hard work that is creating human connection and combatting loneliness every single day. TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] What about partners who are physically together but not connected? [4:58] The role of ChatGPT and social media in loneliness. [9:20] Seeking connecting is not simple work. [12:30] How to regulate when you’re feeling overstimulated. [14:32] Acceptance of what is over what you want there to be. [16:21] Loneliness in the face of technology. [22:04] Interpersonal relationships have to be two-way. [26:40] Loneliness and betrayal in marriage. [29:06] Connecting with Both and Brett. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “What is the connection that I’m seeking to make when I’m reaching for my phone?” “Combating loneliness is hard work. It’s the work of being human.” “Acceptance is not always endorsement.” “Until you’re actually interacting with other humans, technology use will put you at a disadvantage.”
	The Many Faces of Loneliness Part 1	16 Jul 2026	00:33:04
Beth Kelley, LPC, and clinical psychologist Dr. Brett Kennedy are cofounders of The Lonliness Lab. Together with Dr. Rob they explore the many facets of loneliness, including what it means to be connected but isolated, the danger of lacking genuine intimacy, and distiguishing between loneliness, aloneness, and isolation. Each is part of the human experience, but are they all inherently bad? And what is the difference between connection versus community, and why does it matter when navigating the many faces of loneliness? TAKEAWAYS: [2:27] Introducing Beth Kelly and Brett Kennedy. [3:10] People are just people when it comes to lonliness. [4:35] Defining loneliness as an existential connection gap. [8:01] What makes us feel lonely versus connected? [9:08] Uncovering the layers of loneliness, aloneness, and isolation. [12:30] Introverted but overstimulated? Extroverted but lonely? [16:04] Is loneliness inherently bad? [19:02] Experiencing loneliness as an addict. [21:48] Defining loneliness as a longing and a relationship gap. [25:18] Loneliness as a physical response. [28:00] Stop telling me I need more community! RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “All people are feeling lonely, but not everyone is talking about it.” “Lonliness is part of the human experience, even when we feel fulfilled in relationships.” “Loneliness is ultimately connected to belonging.” “Loneliness is a mind-body experience that has a profound impact on the nervous system.”
	Addiction Treatment is Not a Cure	10 Apr 2026	00:38:14
Dr. Rob challenges the common belief that the addiction part of a person is separate and therefore able to be dealt with and removed altogether. Rather, the addict part of you is part of the whole you, and will always have the potential to act out again. As a result, there is danger in declaring that you will never act out again. So what can recovering addicts do instead? Dr. Rob highlights reasonable expectations of both partners in recovery, strategies for building trust again, and the importance of creating a solid support group for both partners after betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] There are two separate parts of me, right? Wrong. [4:00] If I lie again am I not really in recovery? [5:45] The value of attending 12-Step meetings long after recovery begins. [8:07] Common pitfalls in the years after recovery. [10:09] The importance of building social support relationships. [11:46] Treatment doesn’t actually fix anyone. [13:36] Will my spouse ever do this to me again? [18:03] Strategies for building trust after betrayal. [22:00] Spouses have work to do as well. [27:07] Will we ever be happy together again? [32:00] Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Your capability to do negative things doesn’t go away because you keep your addiction in check. It’s who you are.” “Recovering addicts who are fearful and worried about slipping up have a realistic sense of what they’re facing when they go out in the world.” “Treatment doesn’t ‘fix’ anyone. It just gives you a chance for remission.” “You can only build trust with what you are doing, not with what you are saying.” “Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.”
	Part 2: Navigating AI – Artificial Intimacy	12 Mar 2026	00:48:08
Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob continue their discussion about the impact of AI on human relationships, whether AI relationships count as betrayal, and the narcissistic truths of forming a relationship with an algorithm that disguises as the perfect partner who has no expectations of you. Cutting edge technology brings with it cutting edge dangers to human relationships, and Dr. Lamar has answers to the questions that many of us don’t yet know to ask. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] The benefits of confessing all feelings to an AI companion. [2:58] Is an AI relationship narcissistic? [6:44] Does an AI relationship count as betrayal? [12:50] Relationships with AI, in their eyes, are relationships. [14:33] Key differences between men and women. [18:35] Bonding with an AI soulmate. [21:50] Guardrails for AI boundaries and sex. [25:40] Major concerns in this cutting edge realm. [34:33] The human aspect of therapy that AI can’t compete with. [37:10] An alarming look at the future of human relationships and AI. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jessica Lamar Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “With an AI companion, you’re not giving anything. You’re just taking and taking.” “Consider AI through the lens that it is pulling you away from human relationships.” “The harm on human relationships is real because the expectations have gotten so high.” “We expect more from technology and less from each other.”
	Part 1: Navigating AI – Artificial Intimacy	12 Mar 2026	00:27:51
Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob explore the possibilities that AI has introduced in the world of companionship and intimacy, from validation and empathy to betrayal and romantic feelings with an algorithm. They consider the imporance of being digitally aware, the danger of artificial intimacy, and future expectations from human relationships as a result of what AI companions are programmed to offer. TAKEAWAYS: [2:21] The impact of AI technology on today’s relationships. [4:20] Alarming references and attachments to AI. [5:04] The basics of AI algorithm offerings. [8:22] Intimacy apps are designed for companionship. [12:20] Are AI companionships actually relationships? [15:15] Betrayed partners possible response to AI companions. [19:02] Isn’t artificial intimacy an oxymoron? [21:17] The danger of immediate validation and empathy from AI. [25:30] Benefits of AI conversation frameworks. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jessica Lamar Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “AI companion apps are designed to simulate empathy and compassion.” “There is an element of these apps that is helpful, and there is the part that feels scary.” “A betrayed companion may feel that they can never live up to an AI companion because it isn’t even real.” “Compassion and validation 100% of the time is not the reality of human relationships.”
	Why Is My Addict Such a Liar?!	02 Feb 2026	00:27:09
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about compulsive liars in this week’s episode and the reasoning behind someone who can’t seem to tell the truth. If you are a betrayed spouse to someone who regularly lies and deceives, it can be hard to understand why lying can be the go-to safety mechanism for protection. Dr. Rob explains further in this episode why some addicts just can’t stop lying. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Why is sex addiction not about sex? [3:35] I had a relapse and my partner is fed up. I want to build trust again, but she just doesn’t believe me. What can I do? [9:20] You have to want recovery because you’ll be doing it for a long time. [12:10] Does it make sense to have a marital absence if my partner has a porn addiction? [15:30] If you don’t feel safe with someone and if you don’t trust them, don’t have sex with them! [17:10] My husband lies about his recovery. He’s not doing the work! [22:45] Is your partner a lost cause? Dr. Rob can help. [23:00] I think he’s a compulsive liar. Is this connected to his addiction? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
	Part 2: Learning to Trust Yourself After Gaslighting	15 Jan 2026	00:52:34
Tara Beall-Gomes and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about next-level gaslighting, including red flag behaviors in therapy, role-playing dialogues that highlight gaslighting language, and the role that a therapist can play in finding closure after years of betrayal. Tara also offers encouragement to a partner that is working to regain their spouses trust, and resources for anyone who is unable to pay for extensive therapy. TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] Now he’s gaslighting our therapist? [3:48] Is gaslighting abusive? [5:27] Role-play examples of gaslighting, projecting, and controlling. [10:58] Shame and empathy with rigorous honesty. [15:43] “I knew all along.” Now what? [21:37] I can’t believe anything my spouse says. [25:25] Identifying the core values that drive our reactions. [32:55] The role of your therapist in finding closure. [34:50] Red flags in therapy behavior. [38:52] Next steps when an addict has support and you don’t. [43:31] How can a partner ever trust again? [46:15] Encouragement and free resources. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tara Beall-Gomes Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Gaslighting is relational and strategic, while lying is an isolated behavior.” “Closure is incredibly important in about to find peace, but it doesn’t have to mean agreement.” “You can’t derail your own trauma work and recovery when dealing with your partner.” “If you want to trust again, you have to trust yourself first.” “You are enough, and you can do this.”
	Part 1: Learning to Trust Yourself After Gaslighting	15 Jan 2026	00:29:40
Tara Beall-Gomes is a certified CT and FL therapist who founded Grit and Grace Recovery, which focuses on betrayal trauma, sex, and porn addiction. Together with Dr. Rob she highlights key differences between simple lies and manipulative gaslighting tactics, the impact that gaslighting has on a partnership, and the importance of empowering a gaslit partner after years of not knowing whether they can trust themselves. TAKEAWAYS: [4:11] What is gaslighting from a therapist's perspective? [6:13] Gaslighting affects more than your partnership. [7:44] Patterns in gaslighting, and why they appear. [12:35] Simple lies or real gaslighting tactics? [15:01] Common couples gaslighting patterns in Tara’s office. [20:31] Empowering a gaslit partner. [23:04] Defining the ‘victim’ and the ‘problem’. [26:33] Learning to trust your gut. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tara Beall-Gomes Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Once we understand what something means, we can understand how we can change those behaviors in order to be construction instead of destructive.” “Chances are, your gaslighting tactics are not just being used in your coupleship, but other areas of your life too.” “Staying in the victim role is not going to contribute to optimal healing.”
	Part 2: Deconstructing the Stages of Gaslighting	09 Jan 2026	00:33:51
Sarah Morales and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about the progression of gaslighting. Whether intentional or not, gaslighting always happens slowly and stages, and ultimately results in the inability to trust one’s self. In this discussion, Sarah offers tactics for awareness, identification and healing from gaslighting at every stage. TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] The progression of gaslighting. [4:18] “Let me check in with myself.” [6:27] What percentage of your childhood included gaslightling? [9:17] The end result of gaslighting happens a little bit at a time. [10:32] 7 techniques that fall under the gaslighting umbrella. [13:08] Levels of awareness and motives behind gaslighting. [24:28] Passive aggressive behavior and other gaslighting roles. [27:55] Determining the frequency of gaslighting. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Sarah Morales Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “An inability to trust one’s self is the most significant thing that happens with gaslighting.” “Gaslightling is not what happened, it’s how many things happened.” “The easiest and fastest way to recognize gaslighting is through the roles we play.”
	Part 1: Deconstructing the Stages of Gaslighting	09 Jan 2026	00:32:07
Sarah Morales is a Certified Life and Relationship Coach and gaslighting specialist who also sits on the board of APSATS – the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts and Trauma Specialists. Together with Dr. Rob she deconstructs the stages of gaslighting, explains the differences between gaslighting, manipulation and guilt, and addresses common emotions and doubts that partners have when they are being gaslit. TAKEAWAYS: [3:19] The motivation behind Sarah’s work with gaslighting. [5:42] What are common gaslighting patterns? [8:00] Differentiating between manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting. [10:51] Flowcharts to breakdown gaslighting. [12:37] Stages of progressive and chronic gaslighting. [17:35] Cognitive dissonance at higher levels of gaslighting. [19:41] Do gaslighters know what they are doing? [23:33] Diversion tactics and self-abandonment. [28:40] Maybe my gaslighter is actually right about me? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Sarah Morales Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Gaslighting undermines partners who are asking for what they need in order to feel safe in a relationship.” “Gaslighting only works when it happens from a person that we’re supposed to be able to trust.” “Eventually I no longer see myself through my own eyes, I only see myself through my gaslighter’s eyes.”
	Betrayal Brain with Debbie McRae	01 Jan 2026	00:53:56
Debbie McRae and Tami tackle ‘betrayal brain’, the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner’s control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked. TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped. [4:50] Warning signs of betrayal brain. [5:46] Four areas of the brain are affected by betrayal. [10:45] Triggers can occur even when the relationship feels safe. [12:07] Regaining control when the brain is hijacked. [25:37] Self-compassion practices and therapy after betrayal. [27:30] The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react. [31:41] Keeping regulation expectations simple. [33:54] Does my PTSD and anxiety make it harder to overcome betrayal brain? [40:12] What boundaries can I enact with a sex addict who is breaking the law? [46:17] Handling abandonment to create safety. [49:10] How can I increase my functionality to what it was before PTSD? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES “When betrayal occurs, it shatters trust in an instant.” “Even neutral interactions that the betrayed partner is experiencing can be triggering.” “The betrayed partner has no control over how the brain is going to react when it senses threat.” “Self care is brain care.”
	Is He an Addict or Just an A**hole?	26 Dec 2025	00:56:30
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal? [3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole? [7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex recovery? [12:09] My wife can’t get over my affair, it’s already been 10 months. [19:50] Can I trust that my husband suddenly has no urges to act out? [27:10] My husband says he’ll tell me anything that I ask him about. Was his disclosure incomplete? [31:52] Do you suggest a 12-Step program for the betrayed partner? It’s not my fault! [35:55] Can you clarify between a porn addict and a sex/love addict? [44:10 How long does recovery take on average? [49:19] Can recovery happen without a formal 12-Step program? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES “She’s not going to believe that you’re not sexually attracted to them when she doesn’t believe anything you say right now.” “The action that it takes to rebuild trust takes time.” “You may not be enmeshed in your partner’s behavior, but you are deeply involved.” “What matters most is the quality of the time that you are spending on your own individual work to heal and to rebuild trust.”
	Part 2: Busting Sex and Intimacy Myths with Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle	18 Dec 2025	00:42:49
Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle continue their conversation with Dr. Rob about awakening sexuality to create a healthy sexual identity, especially after betrayal or trauma. Their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma offers a personalized process to learning about your own sexuality, regardless of experiences you have had in the past. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] Vanessa’s perspective on sex workers. [6:29] If you love me, you wouldn’t do this. [10:13] Betrayed partners get to choose what they are going to do next. [13:40] Compartmentalizing addictive and betrayal behavior. [15:52] Creating a healthy sexual partnership. [19:36] The danger of comparing your sex life to porn. [22:42] Learning about intimacy from the queer community. [25:29] The shame of non-sexual but intimate couples. [27:31] Slow moving steps in healing from betrayal. [31:45] Faith-based sexuality. [35:36] Awakening your sexuality through a personalized process. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Stephanie Covington Dr. Vanessa Carlisle Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “It is a fallacy to believe that the people who love us will never hurt us.” “Betrayed partners get to choose what they’re going to do about the situation they're in.” “Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t respect?” “You can’t use porn as your sex teacher. You’ve got to use your own body.”
	Part 1: Busting Sex and Intimacy Myths with Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle	18 Dec 2025	00:29:50
Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle join Dr. Rob to discuss their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma. They discuss the facts and myths of true intimacy, appropriate healing timelines after betrayal, and the danger of believing that sex is the only worthy expression of intimacy in a healthy and committed relationship. TAKEAWAYS: [3:42] Seeking connection and intimacy after addiction and trauma. [6:29] A timeline for dealing with trauma during recovery. [9:46] The role of facing trauma in healing. [11:15] Addressing the why of addictive behavior. [14:22] The challenge of culture on healthy sexuality. [17:33] Safety as an aphrodisiac. [20:20] Moving from betrayal to intimacy. [22:40] Myths surrounding sex and intimacy. [25:37] Small steps that lead to true intimacy. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Stephanie Covington Dr. Vanessa Carlisle Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Recovery is a slow, slow process.” “Asking why is a way to stay stuck.” “The depth of our need for sexual connection is not the problem.” “Safety is an aphrodisiac.” “Intimacy takes time.”
	Part 2: Outsmarting the Narcissist with Chelsey Cole	12 Dec 2025	00:23:18
Chelsey Cole and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about narcissistic behavior. Chelsey outlines the impact that growing up with a narcissist can have on future relationships, the shame-rage cycle of a top-tier narcissist, and the signs that you are (most likely) not a narcissist, even if you occasionally act like one. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] The shame-rage cycle of a narcissist. [4:00] The top of the narcissistic scale. [6:17] Sociopathy, psychopathy, and narcissists and where they overlap. [7:55] The role of addiction in narcissism. [10:18] Chelsey’s personal experience with narcissism. [14:21] The impact of growing up with a narcissist. [16:11] Am I a narcissist too? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Chelsey Cole Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Narcissists do not deal with shame. They have the shame-rage cycle.” “To a narcissist, your pain is proof of their power.” “Anyone who is active in their addiction is going to look narcissistic.” “Narcissism presents in patterns of behavior over time.”
	Part 1: Outsmarting the Narcissist with Chelsey Cole	11 Dec 2025	00:28:33
Chelsey Cole is a psychotherapist focusing on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. She is the best-selling author of If Only I’d Known, and has joined Dr. Rob to explore what narcissism really is and what it isn’t. She offers clear signs and strategies of a grandiose narcissist, and offers hope for any partner who has been frustrated by assuming their narcissistic partner views relationships through the same lens they do. Unless you understand the views of a narcissist, you will never succeed in true communication and connection with them. TAKEAWAYS: [2:10] Is he just selfish or is he a true narcissist? [5:26] Characteristics of the grandiose narcissist. [9:38] The danger of transactional views of relationships. [10:31] Stages of the narcissist spectrum. [14:45] Remorse motivation in a narcissist’s mind. [17:07] Steps in the cycle of narcissistic abuse. [20:03] Characteristics of the moderate to severe narcissists. [23:01] You’re not crazy! Narcissists actually want the conflict you are avoiding. [25:49] Pathological insecurity versus healthy insecurity. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Chelsey Cole Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “True narcissists don’t have the stuff that it takes to create deep, committed relationships.” “Narcissists believe they are always the exception to every rule.” “For a true narcissist, their default is to not care about you, and to put their needs first.” “Narcissists actually seek the conflict you are avoiding.”
	Part 2: Navigating Betrayal Trauma Anger with Crystal Hollenbeck	04 Dec 2025	00:50:10
Crystal Hollenbeck and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about the power and purpose of triggers, the appropriate time to utilize communication skills, and each of the seven steps of the CALMING model, including handling residual anger and resentment. We often think that anger is the only option for control after betrayal, but Crystal challenges this limiting belief and offers hope to anyone who is ready to move on from an angry life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:52] Why should I do anything? He betrayed me. [5:42] Triggers are normal and can be helpful. [7:27] What to expect from the leveling stage. [13:13] The management and intuition stages of CALMING. [20:21] Trusting your intuition after betrayal. [25:17] The role of forgiveness in healing. [30:41] This behavior increases the likelihood of repeat betrayal. [32:30] Boundaries are protection, not restriction. [34:35] Grieving loss and recognizing the positives of post-traumatic growth. [43:44] Moving on after grief is possible. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Crystal Hollenbeck Betrayal Healing Conference Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “This is part of your story now. You have to talk about it.” “I have never seen a client not be grateful for healing work, because they come in with wounds they didn’t know exist.” “Forgiveness is for you, not the person that harmed you.” “Boundaries are protection, not restriction.” “We never stop grieving. We learn to live with grief.”
	Part 1: Navigating Betrayal Trauma Anger with Crystal Hollenbeck	04 Dec 2025	00:29:37
Crystal Hollenbeck has returned to the podcast to discuss a new resource for anyone who is dealing with betrayal trauma anger. She and Dr. Rob define this healthy emotion in the healing process, discuss her new book Betrayal Trauma Anger and explore anger management options available to help betrayed partners calm down and move forward. TAKEAWAYS: [1:52] A new resource for managing anger after betrayal and trauma. [3:25] Defining betrayal trauma anger. [4:23] The motivation behind Crystal’s new book. [7:01] 3 significant experiences of a betrayed partner. [8:20] The danger of repressing anger. [9:58] “I don’t like who I’ve become.” Now what? [12:25] What being betrayed says about you. [14:43] The reward in Crystal’s work. [16:10] Trauma and broken attachments. [19:21] 7 stages of recovery with anger. [24:01] When is enough punishment enough? [25:13] First steps in the CALMING model. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Crystal Hollenbeck Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “You’re not crazy, you’re angry. And you should be.” “When you are betraying someone, you are abusing them.” “Being betrayed does not mean you are stupid or foolish.” “You are not responsible for what your partner did. Period.”
	Part 2: Trusting Myself Again with Tammy Gustafson	20 Nov 2025	00:29:38
Tammy Gustafson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about creating emotional space between you and your betraying partner. They discuss the power of actually feeling all of your feelings, and the importance of allowing fun and play in the healing process. Tammy offers free resources for finding peace, and underscores the power that comes with surviving and thriving after betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:23] You don’t have control over your partner’s behavior. Now what? [4:22] Shifting from safety seeking in others to self. [7:35] Pumping the well of your soul. [8:52] The danger of suppressing your anger and sadness. [13:00] Allowing the flow of emotions while grieving. [17:01] Free resources for finding peace. [21:07] The role of fun and play in healing. [25:06] Moving toward the best version of yourself through healing. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tammy Gustafson Betrayal Healing Conference Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “Over time, the way that we start to heal… is a version of healthy detachment.” ● “There is an energy to anger that has a purpose.” ● “Part of the grieving process is allowing the flow of emotions to go through you.” ● “You cannot heal your heart with your head.”
	Part 1: Trusting Myself Again with Tammy Gustafson	20 Nov 2025	00:28:06
Tammy Gustafson is a licensed professional counselor and coach who focused on trauma, PTSD, and EMDR before her own marriage imploded. She now works with others who are facing betrayal, focusing on women who have been betrayed to help them find their worth and strength again. Together, she and Dr. Rob discuss healing after betrayal and regaining trust in your partner, but more importantly, in yourself. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] Tammy’s reluctant, and now passionate journey toward betrayal counseling. [4:30] The personal element of Tammy’s services. [6:05] Growing into the best version of yourself after betrayal. [9:03] What if I can’t feel my feelings? [11:20] The process of healing requires the help of others. [12:52] It is never your fault that your partner betrayed you. [15:30] What if my anger is directed at the other woman? [17:25] Rebuilding trust after betrayal. [21:07] How can I trust myself again? [25:00] Resetting the nervous system. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tammy Gustafson Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “We can’t hide from our emotions and heal.” ● “The grieving process is the healing process.” ● “Healing is a thousand times easier with the help of other people.” ● “Power is the ability to influence, or to resist influence.”
	Part 2: Helping Couples Heal with Carol Juergensen Sheets	07 Oct 2025	00:21:55
Carol Juergensen Sheets and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about healing as a couple. Carol defines the six primary needs of every person, ways to create meaningful connection, and what it means to be brave and do it anyway throughout a couple’s healing journey. TAKEAWAYS: [1:23] Where do couples start with healing? [3:27] Transactional sex versus emotional connection. [4:13] First steps with couples work – what do you need that you aren’t getting? [6:03] Defining the 6 primary needs of every person. [9:40] Creating meaningful ways for connection. [11:56] Helping couples heal starts here. [14:15] Do you know your own strengths? [15:05] Be brave and do it anyway. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Carol Juergensen Sheets Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “You need to be seen as a couple that is not in distress.” ● “Create ways that you can look forward to connection.” ● “I want couples to work through their trauma with each other.” ● “You have to do what will make your partner feel safe.”
	Part 1: Helping Couples Heal with Carol Juergensen Sheets	07 Oct 2025	00:40:03
Carol Juergensen Sheets joins Dr. Rob for an in-depth conversation about what it really takes for both partners to heal after betrayal and trauma. Carol focuses on empathy in recovery, understanding triggers, and the signs that indicate that it is safe for a couple to move toward each other again. She also addresses the importance of support groups in healing and answers the classic question – do women really need other women? TAKEAWAYS: [2:56] Carol has been supporting healing in sex addicts couples since 2005. [5:55] Betrayed spouses aren’t crazy, they’re traumatized. [7:57] The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. [10:38] The danger of fact checking and hypervigilance after trauma. [14:10] The sustaining hope of feeling connected to your partner. [15:25] Empathy broken down into 4 actionable parts. [20:05] How to desensitize the desire to shut down after being triggered. [22:52] Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it? [26:33] When is it safe to move toward the coupleship again? [28:25] Shifting away from if/then interactions toward stability. [31:11] Healthy detachment leads to healing. [36:07] Do women really need other women? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Carol Juergensen Sheets Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “I don’t want someone calling me 24/7, I want them to develop a fellowship out there that can also help to guide them.” ● “You can’t just stop negative behaviors, you have to replace them with something good.” ● “You can be in conflict but not withdraw.” ● “Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it?”
	Part 2: Sexuality After 50 with Dr. Kennedy	12 Sep 2025	00:54:39
Dr. Jenn Kennedy and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about finding satisfaction and intimacy after 50. They consider what it means to truly become a better person and partner, to evolve beyond betrayal toward empathy and intimacy. We often think that intimacy equals sex, but Dr. Kennedy challenges that notion and defines what a satisfied, committed relationship can really look like in the later years of life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] The impact of infidelity on a committed sexual relationship. [7:20] Infidelity in a mature vs. younger couple. [13:03] Intimacy, not just sex, is the ultimate goal. [17:40] From discovery to reconnecting sexually, eventually. [27:07] Moving from ‘I’m sorry to ‘I’m sorry I put you through that’. [32:40] Reintroducing touch and talking without the expectation of sex. [38:13] Scheduled sex and other tactics for navigating sexuality in older age. [43:20] Train your mind to choose your partner. [44:57] Battling the psychological landmine is not required to resume intimacy. [46:40] What if we just don’t want to have sex anymore? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jenn Kennedy Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “The breakdown in intimacy after infidelity is real.” ● “If the addict doesn’t start to actually change and show some progress, their sex life probably isn’t going to change either.” ● “Wherever you place your focus, growth will occur.” ● “You can have great intimacy and not have sex.”
	Part 1: Sexuality After 50 with Dr. Kennedy	12 Sep 2025	00:36:59
Dr. Jenn Kennedy joins Dr. Rob to explore a rarely discussed topic – sexuality for the more seasoned. Dr. Kennedy tackles the two main ‘D’s’ of sexuality that bring couples into therapy after 50, considers what ‘better’ sex really looks like, and shares some of the main talking points that should be discussed in any conversation about sexuality as we age. Because like it or not, these are issues that every person has to face as they get older. TAKEAWAYS: [2:23] Dr. Kennedy’s third career tackles the topics that many therapist avoid. [4:50] Generalities in sexuality expectations and roles over 50. [8:35] Women over 50, their relationships and their sexuality. [10:42] Presenting problems that bring couples to Dr. Kennedy. [12:30] Dissatisfaction in a committed couple’s sex history. [18:50] Do men know how to ask for what they want? [24:05] Dysfunction is the greatest motivator for couples sex therapy. [28:38] What does ‘better sex’ really look like? [31:12] How body image impacts sexuality as we age. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jenn Kennedy Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: ● “The bedroom is a microcosm of the larger life.” ● “50 and beyond, more and more men are going to start having erectile dysfunction.” ● “The quality of the relationship has to feel work the tradeoff of the objectification of youth.” ● “When they’re able to articulate it, men say they want to be wanted.” ● “Your motivation to having sex matters.”
	Part 2: The Benefits of Therapeutic Separation with Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall	31 Jul 2025	00:24:39
Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall continue their conversation about therapeutic separation, focusing on the impact that separation can have on children at different ages and stages. They explore ways to prove safety and stability for children throughout the process, navigating family events during separation, and why couples therapy may not be appropriate during a period of separation. This conversation provides exceptional insights into a critical step of healing after betrayal that can result in a stronger partnership. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] External factors that contribute to the pressure of separation or divorce. [3:16] Explaining separation to children in healthy and age-appropriate ways. [7:00] Taking appropriate ownership in the face of external influences and challenges. [10:09] Providing safety and stability for children despite anger and pain. [11:22] Navigating family events throughout therapeutic separation. [13:45] Building trust during the therapeutic separation process. [16:56] The challenges of therapeutic separation when affairs are involved. [19:02] Couples therapy may not be appropriate during a period of separation. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lindsey Stanley Dr. Stevie Hall Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Share with children what is in their best health and wellness to know.” “You can acknowledge the pain and hurt to your kids, but you don’t necessarily have to share all the things with them.” “There needs to be an agreed upon script when disclosing to children.” “Privacy and honesty are different things.”
	Part 1: The Benefits of Therapeutic Separation with Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall	31 Jul 2025	00:23:25
Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall define and discuss therapeutic separation, an intentional process crafted to help bring about safety, stability, and individual and relational insight. They consider the different types of therapeutic separation, the benefits of each approach, and how separation can be the greatest gift that a betraying partner can offer their spouse. TAKEAWAYS: [2:20] Defining therapeutic separation as a structured and temporary step in recovery. [3:55] Is active separation headed toward divorce? [5:25] Different types of separation offer different benefits. [7:35] Maintaining boundaries while living in roommate mode. [9:20] Legal separation versus legal divorce. [11:50] Permanent separation indicates maintaining a marriage that you don’t intend to reconcile. [13:35] External and internal factors that motivate people to separate or not. [15:34] Negotiating differing partner desires between reconciliation and divorce. [17:36] Factors that contribute to a successful therapeutic separation. [21:20] Sometimes by giving that space, you are helping your relationship heal. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lindsey Stanley Dr. Stevie Hall Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Separation can allow you to disengage emotionally while you seek clarity and healing.” “Permanent separation indicates that you are not pursuing reconciliation, but you are also not pursuing divorce.” “At times there needs to be an intentional pause on the relationship because the cycle the couple is in is creating so much destruction.” “Sometimes by giving that space, you are helping, and you are supporting.”
	Part 2: Restructuring Divorce With Discernment Counseling with Arlene Rosen	08 Jul 2025	00:37:37
Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen continue their discussion about discernment counseling. They consider how to determine what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce process, how to protect children and pets throughout the journey, and realistic timelines when addiction is a factor in a relationship. Arlene shares advice, resources, and a message of hope and healing in the collaborative divorce process. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] Determining what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce. [5:42] Child welfare versus child safety in court order agreements. [8:10] Timeline possibilities when addiction is at play. [11:20] Handling chronic lying in a legal setting. [15:55] A message of hope in the collaborative divorce process. [18:09] Is there a simple way to know that I should get divorced? [23:00] Guidelines for an effective separation period. [29:35] Determining the right next step based on your current stage of life. [32:32] Navigating divorce in a non-legal partnership. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Arlene Rosen Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “You can make agreements about what will be talked about your addiction in your divorce.” “Why do more damage when you’ve decided not to live together anymore?” “The collaborative divorce process is simply more respectful.” “The collaborative divorce process has the most opportunity for people to get back together.”
	Part 1: Restructuring Divorce With Discernment Counseling with Arlene Rosen	08 Jul 2025	00:26:02
Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen explore the options available to couples who are on the fence about staying together or separating. They discuss discernment counseling, litigation, and collaborative divorce; and consider the benefits and difficulties associated with each route. Arlene is an advocate of restructuring the marriage or divorce through a discernment counseling process, and she shares the value of engaging in discernment counseling to explore whether there is really any breath left in a relationship. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] The driver behind Arlene’s work with addiction and divorce. [4:39] The role and value of a mediator in divorce. [6:30] Litigation and court process horror stories. [10:38] Discernment counseling as a preliminary divorce consideration. [13:10] Restructuring the marriage through a discernment counseling process. [14:30] Separation is always on the table. [17:15] Discernment counseling explores whether there is any breath left in a relationship. [19:53] Collaborative divorce is an excellent alternative to traditional divorce. [25:49] First steps in getting started with collaborative divorce. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Arlene Rosen Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Discernment counseling is a protocol for when one person is leaning out of a relationship and the other person is leaning in.” “Discernment counseling is not for people who have already made a decision about divorce.” “Discernment counseling is an opportunity to determine if you are willing to meet the other person’s needs and to work on this relationship.”
	Part 2: The Power of a Witness with Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty	15 May 2025	00:22:36
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty consider the role of a therapist as a witness – one that supports with empathy and compassion. They share the questions to ask a therapist before the first session, and how to identify the right trauma therapist that will lead you to recovery and healing. Healing is meant to happen in communities, and together Dr. Rob and O’Flaherty inspire and encourage listeners to connect with those that can be a witness to healing. TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] The place for empathy and compassion. [3:25] Finding the right trauma therapist. [5:10] Questions to ask therapists before the first session. [8:25] A good therapist is the first medicine in healing. [11:53] Dr. O’Flaherty’s book Flight with Weighted Wings. [15:45] Healing happens in community. [19:29] Connecting with Dr. O’Flaherty. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “If you have wounded me, it may not be my job initially to have empathy for you.” “How do you feel when you sit with a therapist?” “The best therapy is not about the work, it’s about the relationship.” “Healing happens in community.”
	Part 1: The Power of a Witness with Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty	15 May 2025	00:40:39
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty explore witnesses – the people who have seen your experiences and are ready to help you move forward. When you begin questioning whether your experience was real, why you acted out the way you did, or what really happened, a witness can offer direction and healing as you move forward, without the demonization and destigmatization that often faces addicts. Johanna is passionate about helping individuals heal from incident trauma, ancestral trauma, prolonged trauma and more, and she cautions listeners against marginalizing the damaging effects of true trauma in favor of everyday difficult life experiences. TAKEAWAYS: [3:27] What does recovery mean? [6:15] Who do you want to take with, and who do you want to leave behind? [7:55] A witness will help shape your experience. [10:10] Pain and shame makes more sense with a witness’s perspective. [12:40] Where are the hospices for the addicted? [13:50] Overcoming prejudice against addicts in the recovering community. [20:58] Sex addiction and porn addiction garner very little support. [25:54] Education on healthy sexuality in recovery. [32:15] Reembracing sexuality in recovery. [34:47] Revealing trauma, then moving forward. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “A witness helps shape who we become and how we walk through life.” “Where are the hospices for the addicted?” “In the journey of healing, we need to give people hope.” “What we long for in a relationship is intimacy, and then sexuality.”
	Part 2: Betrayal Happens to Men Too with Adam Nisenson	01 May 2025	00:25:52
Adam Nisenson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about betrayed men. They share the worst advice a betrayed man can hear, how to determine if reconciliation is the right next step, and the reality that being cheated on does not justify cheating. Adam shares resources, including The ManKind Project, that have helped him through his own healing and how to engage men who have no interest in therapy. TAKEAWAYS: [1:44] Reconciling is possible, but not always preferred. [3:40] Therapy for the men who have no interest in therapy. [7:20] 12-Step programs for betrayed men. [9:55] She cheated, should I have sex with someone else? [11:45] The worst advice a betrayed man can hear. [14:51] Determining if reconciliation is the right next step. [17:36] My needs aren’t being met. Does that justify cheating? [19:39] The ManKind Project. [24:02] Does age affect a man’s ability to heal from betrayal? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Adam Nisenson Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “She might have done this to you, but it’s also happening to you. What do you want to do about it?” “If you need help, ask for help!” “Even if your partner cheated on you, that doesn’t give you permission to cheat.”
	Part 1: Betrayal Happens to Men Too with Adam Nisenson	24 Apr 2025	00:32:07
Adam Nisenson, also known as The Betrayal Shrink, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Together with Dr. Rob he highlights the need for betrayed men to have support and healing just as much as women do. He shares his own healing journey, the support that he offers men who have been betrayed, and why he believes that his own betrayal experience was actually worth it. TAKEAWAYS: [2:25] The depth of Adam’s betrayal as a man. [6:20] Adam recalls his feelings on D-Day. [8:52] The importance of having a safe, supportive place to grieve. [9:50] Rediscovering self-worth when reconciling or separating. [13:53] Projecting unhealthy anger on others gives them the power. [17:55] Navigating betrayal from a child’s perspective. [20:02] Adam’s decision to support other betrayed men. [22:45] Key differences between betrayed men and women. [26:44] Is it just sex? Or is it love? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Adam Nisenson Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Having a safe, healthy place to grieve and be seen was a game-changer for me.” “Projecting unhealthy anger on others gives them the power.” “I wanted to make therapy cool for men.” “Emotional betrayal is just as painful as physical betrayal, and they both destroy trust.” “It was through my pain that I discovered who I really was.”
	Insights Into Treatment from Seeking Integrity Clinical Director Erin Snow	17 Apr 2025	00:36:25
Erin Snow is the Clinical Director at Seeking Integrity, CSAT, and a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She and Dr. Rob discuss a week-by-week overview of residential treatment, the key points of trauma work and treatment, and the hope that she regularly sees as addicts encounter consequences, confront early trauma, and what it really takes to heal individuals and their loved ones from addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [2:08] Erin’s journey toward Seeking Integrity. [4:50] The healing at Seeking Integrity focuses on much more than sex addiction. [7:41] Key points of trauma work and treatment. [12:15] Why is my partner connecting to their therapist but not me? [13:43] A week-by-week overview of residential treatment. [20:29] Attachment and connection are not what a spouse is thinking about. [26:28] Why isn’t our relationship enough to make him change? [31:00] What is it like for Erin being a woman working with addict men? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Erin Snow Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “I can see an opportunity for my clients to find meaning in living again.” “In trauma work, you can lose yourself in the why and never move to the place of how to move on from this.” “Healing happens the way it's supposed to as long as you’re doing the next right thing.”
	Part 2: Finding Intimacy in Sex with Dr. Erika Schwartz	27 Mar 2025	00:26:08
Dr. Rob and Dr. Erika Schwartz continue their discussion about the connection between intimacy and sex. She highlights the role of hormones in sex addiction and betrayal, addresses the myths of monogamy, and counters the dangerous statement that too many betraying partners tell themselves, because what you don’t know actually will hurt you, will hurt your partner, and will hurt everyone around you. TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] Coming to peace with the trauma that happens in betrayal. [4:25] Who were you before you came into this relationship? [6:02] The power of opening up when overcoming betrayal trauma. [9:08] The role of hormones in sex addiction and betrayal. [11:10] What does monogamy look like in humans? [14:28] The deeper hurt that comes when love appears while cheating. [19:15] What you don’t know won’t hurt you, or will it? [21:20] Connect with Dr. Erika Schwartz. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Erika Schwartz Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “If humans are monogamous, why are we all having affairs? It’s because monogamy is a choice.” “Sexuality and intimacy are not the same. That’s when we start behaving differently.” “Love is the core of everything. If it’s love, move out of the way.” “What you don’t know will hurt me, will hurt you, and will hurt everyone around you.”
	Part 1: Finding Intimacy in Sex with Dr. Erika Schwartz	20 Mar 2025	00:30:16
Dr. Rob and Dr. Erika Schwartz discuss the connection between intimacy and sex – what it is, how it varies based on age, gender, and culture, and what a partner’s betrayal really means about the relationship. The author of The Intimacy Solution, Dr. Erika explores the connection between sex and intimacy at all stages of life and answers the question that so many betrayed partners grapple with – “If you really loved me, why would you do this?” TAKEAWAYS: [2:28] Dr. Erica defines the key differences between sex and intimacy. [4:45] Gender and cultural insights into sex and intimacy. [7:48] The link between the pathology of addicts and lack of communication in relationships. [10:27] “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this.” [14:42] The reasons partners choose to leave or to stay. [16:15] The danger of trying to hold on to the intensity of the 18-year-old life. [17:34] Oxytocin is a key component of intimacy and connection. [21:52] Does “in sickness and in health” apply to betrayal and addiction? [27:15] Your partner’s addiction isn’t about you, but it is about honoring the truth. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Erika Schwartz Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “You can live a much easier life if you see how the other side views sexuality and intimacy.” “There is a lot in sexuality that we don’t talk about that we should be talking about.” “You have to figure out how to fix your problem. Your partner can’t do it for you.” “If they are everything to you, then you are nothing to yourself.”
	Part 2: A Deep Dive Into Trauma: The Good, The Bad and The Sad	02 Jan 2025	00:32:48
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty continue their discussion about trauma. How can recovering addicts find the healing that they need when trauma is still unknown? How can you gather the right team to support you in your recovery work? How can you find peace following big ‘T’ and little ‘t’ trauma? They answer these questions and consider the gift of working on yourself and the power of standing on your own two feet and finding your voice as you navigate your recovery journey. TAKEAWAYS: [1:27] How can I find the right therapist to help with my trauma work? [5:25] The importance of gathering the right team to support you in recovery work. [7:20] Seeking Integrity resources that are available when finances are limited. [9:28] Differences between big ‘T’ and little ‘t’ trauma. [12:35] Facing the haunting vision that triggers you. [19:10] How can I come to peace following such major violations? [24:02] Approaching brokenness and filling the void that once came with betrayal. [26:06] The focus of the Seeking Integrity women’s intensives is not on the spouse. [28:17] Are you ready to accept the consequences of doing whatever you want? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “Interview your therapist and find out what experience they have in trauma.” “The beginning of trauma work is awareness.” “I want you to discover the power of standing on your own two feet and finding your own voice.” “For every piece of work you can do on yourself, you are offering a gift to someone else.”
	Part 1: A Deep Dive Into Trauma: The Good, The Bad and The Sad	26 Dec 2024	00:32:07
Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty explore trauma – what exactly is it, how does it come about, and what can you do about it? They consider the wounded healer, the importance of integrating all lived experiences to become whole again, and the role of self-forgiveness in overcoming trauma. Johanna is passionate about helping individuals heal from incident trauma, ancestral trauma, prolonged trauma, and more, and she cautions listeners against marginalizing the damaging effects of true trauma in favor of everyday difficult life experiences. TAKEAWAYS: [1:21] A little bit about Dr. O’Flaherty and her passion for trauma recovery. [3:54] Dr. O’Flaherty is celebrating 47 years of personal recovery. [5:40] The archetype of the wounded healer. [7:31] Integrating all of our experiences is an essential part of becoming whole. [9:18] Trauma happens outside an individual’s coping skills. [11:20] Trauma will not leave you alone until you do trauma work. [12:31] Self forgiveness is an essential first step to overcoming reenacting. [16:44] Ancestral trauma can impact you and the next generation. [20:42] My husband has been cheating on me. Why does ancestral trauma matter? [22:50] Incident trauma happens when an event changes a person’s entire life. [25:45] The impact of combat trauma and prolonged trauma. [28:02] The concept of trauma has been overutilized. What can you do to heal? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. QUOTES: “We’re all wounded in some form or another.” “We have to take back those wounded parts of us that we want to banish out of our minds.” “A traumatic event is so extraordinary that it is outside the individual’s coping abilities.” “Trauma will not leave you alone. It continues to raise it’s ugly head.” “We go into the vortex of the pain to take the power out of the memory.” “That which is not transformed is transmitted to the next generation.”
	Part 2: Stop Blaming Yourself with Tamara Cooper	27 Nov 2024	00:34:09
Dr. Rob and Tamara Cooper continue their discussion about codependency, boundaries, and the communal value of sharing your experience with others who have found themselves in similar situations. Tamara highlights the Empowered Women Retreat, a place for betrayed partners to heal in a safe and supportive space, as well as affordable options for healing for those who don’t have the resources for therapy. TAKEAWAYS: [1:13] How does codependency fit into addiction and trauma betrayal? [4:15] Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family. [7:01] The model at Seeking Integrity is entirely supportive and judgement free. [9:37] Setting boundaries is an essential step toward help and healing. [11:48] Details about the Empowered Women Retreat. [15:15] The communal power of sharing your experience with others. [21:17] Where to turn when your spouse can’t be your go-to person anymore. [27:25] Offering love to your addict can give them hope in themselves. [29:05] Options for healing when you don’t have the resources for therapy. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tamara Cooper QUOTES: “Addiction is a team sport. You don’t just run the race, you drag the whole bench out with you.” “If you haven’t walked a mile in the addiction shoe, I wouldn’t suggest you don’t talk about how the shoe fits.” “When we set boundaries, that is the ask for help.” “As addicts, they don’t feel worthy of love, and they can’t understand why anyone, especially the person they hurt so much, would still have love for them. And that gives them hope for themselves.”
	Part 1: Stop Blaming Yourself with Tamara Cooper	21 Nov 2024	00:34:06
Dr. Rob and Tamara Cooper explore the isolating and painful blaming and shaming that betrayed partners often experience while their partners are surrounded by support. Betrayed partners often torture themselves by asking what they could have done differently to prevent their partner from acting out, and Tamara has an answer for that. Her passion for supporting betrayed partners is obvious and genuine, and she offers a glimpse into the hope and healing that can be yours if you allow it. TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] A little bit about Tamara and her work with betrayal trauma. [5:10] Normalizing betrayal is a central focus of Tamara’s work. [8:34] ‘I should have’... Betrayed partners have to stop wondering what they could have done differently. [12:05] Why can’t I stop blaming myself for my partner’s betrayal? [14:20] The choices that your partner makes has nothing to do with you. [16:51] Anger, control, and self-doubt are a dangerous combination in recovery. [20:40] Unhealthy and extreme behaviors in the betrayed are an attempt to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. [23:31] Isolation is a painful and common side effect of betrayal. [27:52] An overview of Tamara’s interactions with the betrayed partners that she supports. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tamara Cooper QUOTES: “After betrayal, but it’s normal to feel like you’re losing your mind.” “I am carefully and slowly speaking logic into where the core belief system has been derailed.” “Betrayal is a disease that doesn’t make any sense, and it’s maddening.” “We are born wanting to connect with someone else, and when you are out there by yourself, if someone pulls alongside you and sticks their arm out, you hold on for dear life.”
	Q&A with Rob and Tami: When Do I Need Help for My Addiction?	15 Oct 2024	00:36:25
Dr. Rob and Tami share what a couple can expect when they sit down and talk with Dr. Rob in person or over Zoom when they are ready to address their infidelity and addiction issues. How do you know if a residential treatment is right for you? What do you do when your spouse still continues to lie to you after formal disclosure? All these questions answered, and more! TAKEAWAYS: [0:45] How long does it take to rewire a porn-addicted mind? [4:50] Addicts think, ‘they can’t live without this’ but when they take a pause they realize that they didn’t die. That they can push through. [6:45] My husband said he’d be honest about the affairs going forward. This has been a complete lie. Where do I go from here? [8:45] Whatever you do, don’t give up on you. [14:15] Unfortunately, you may never get what you want from that person. [20:25] I fluctuate between me being a horrible person vs. me being a good person that just did a horrible thing. How can I differentiate? [25:55] I struggle to take ownership. Not sure what I should do? [34:25] If you have a question about your spouse’s addiction, write it down. Collect them, and then sit down at a scheduled time and talk about them. [37:45] How do you know if residential treatment makes sense for you? [45:00] What does it mean to do a consultation with Dr. Rob? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss QUOTES “The brain doesn’t get rewired, it’s not a motherboard, but it does adapt.” “You’re getting the kind of message that you have to work on your own life and what you want from the other person, you may never get; as much as you deserve it.” “Guilt is a good thing. Healthy guilt I made a mistake, I need to go back and fix it. Guilt is good information.”
	Part 2: Honoring Yourself After Your Spouse’s Betrayal with Lora Cheadle	26 Sep 2024	00:30:05
Dr. Rob and Lora continue their discussion about self-awareness and honoring self while also thriving in a connected partnership. Leaving your partner doesn’t make the pain entirely go away, so you have to work to honor yourself whether you choose to stay or leave. Surround yourself with people who can support you and remind you of who you really are beyond what happened to you. There are great motivating factors behind an affair and an addiction, and understanding both will make all the difference in what you can expect as you heal after betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] How can you hold onto yourself and also thrive in a connected partnership? [5:00] You may have been hurt, but you deserve to remember who you really are. [6:43] Your life isn’t over, it’s evolving. [8:00] When you were hurt, you were crushed. Now is the time to flaunt yourself! [10:14] It’s hard to be a beginner, but lean into the laughter of trying new things. [14:00] Trusting yourself can get you exactly where you want to be. [15:05] What is an affair vs. an addictive problem? [18:00] It is not your fault. When people cheat they are doing it for their reasons. [20:22] Is it naive for a woman to think she won’t be cheated on by a man? RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lora Cheadle QUOTES: “You may have been victimized, but you have to start remembering who you are.” “Trust yourself, and seek out outside support and wisdom.” “Addiction is a tool that the other person is using to make themselves feel better, and the tool is never going to solve it.” “Trust is the backbone of our relationships.”
	Part 1: Honoring Yourself After Your Spouse’s Betrayal with Lora Cheadle	19 Sep 2024	00:32:20
Lora Cheadle joins Dr. Rob to discuss the journey of self-discovery that the spouse must take after betrayal. Moments of vulnerability and self-disclosure can bring happiness into a healing marriage while also triggering feelings of old hurt, leaving spouses feeling angry and confused about whether or not they really trust their partner again. Lora understands that while you may have been victimized, you get to choose whether or not you will continue to be a victim. TAKEAWAYS: [1:59] A little bit about Lora Cheadle and why she wanted to share her personal experience as a recovering spouse. [5:00] Betrayal can come as a result of spouse control and manipulation. [7:28] Transactional relationships are set up for failure. [10:28] You were victimized by your spouse’s betrayal – don’t let anyone minimize that for you – but you get to choose whether or not you will continue to be a victim. [15:03] As a partner, you can support your spouse without taking on the full responsibility of their addiction. [16:07] How can you balance trust today with the possibility of future betrayal? [19:40] Self disclosure and vulnerability from your partner is key evidence that betrayal has stopped. [20:30] From a performative and transactional relationship to living her truth, Lora understands what a healthy marriage really looks like. [24:01] “She should have known better” – but addicts can be really good at hiding things. [26:12] Find someone who you can confide in who won’t judge you. [28:01] Yes, you can find peace in a support group of betrayed spouses. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lora Cheadle QUOTES: “Infidelity and betrayal, for me, was my opportunity to see in myself what I had missed before.” “If someone isn’t doing what I think they should, the problem is theirs, right? Wrong.” “I did not want my husband’s addiction to win. I wanted me to win.” “He is a different person, but I am a different person too, so we do this dance differently.”
	Part 2: Couples Make it Work Only When I Do My Part with Dr. Geoff Goodman	12 Sep 2024	00:30:28
Dr. Rob continues his conversation with Dr. Geoff Goodman about the power of the 12 Step program, which worked for Geoff when nothing else did. Finding an effective therapist who can support you and your partner requires so much more than just delving into the past - it requires making demands and setting goals that you can realistically achieve as you move forward. One huge component of recovery for both you and your partner is finding the right support groups. If the first one isn’t a good fit, don’t give up, keep trying until you are surrounded by people who can lift you up, whether you are the recovering addict or the spouse! TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] The power of the 12 Step program, for Geoff, is that it works. [3:18] Understanding the why behind your addiction won’t automatically shift your behavior. [8:50] Effective therapists will help addicts beyond simply understanding their past. [11:28] If you’re acting out sexually in ways that are ruining your life, your therapist can help! [13:35] Addiction recovery does not equate to relationship therapy. [16:02] How might spouses consider self-examination without feeling blamed for their spouse’s addiction? [19:45] Finding needed support when finances and resources don’t allow it. [24:26] “I don’t belong there”- how to find the right support group for you. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey 12 Step Recovery QUOTES: “I didn’t want to make a complete lifestyle change. I wanted to get better, but avoid that.” “Addiction is so irresistible that knowing the causes is a nice intellectual pursuit but it doesn’t really help you on the ground.” “The 12 Step Program isn’t going to turn your husband into Prince Charming.” “You are healing and changing itself does not make you a loving, kind, empathing, engaged partner. It just means you stopped lying and stopped hating yourself.”
	Part 1: Couples Make it Work Only When I Do My Part with Dr. Geoff Goodman	05 Sep 2024	00:29:46
Dr. Rob welcomes back podcast guest Dr. Geoff Goodman for a conversation about the impact that addiction has on relationships. He offers insights into the struggle of not only the addict, but of their partner as well, and shares his experience with falling in love with a woman who did not know that he was an addict. Some partners are more supportive and involved while others appear to be disinterested or even disgusted and fed up. No matter what scenario you’re in, there is hope for finding a life beyond addiction, together. TAKEAWAYS: [2:24] What people don’t understand about addicts, from the partner perspective. [3:56] Dr. Geoff revealed his own sex addiction to his partner long before they were married. [6:30] From a spouse’s point of view, learning about addiction can feel like a bait and switch. [7:50] ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ only works for so long in a committed relationship. Even the ‘right one’ can’t resolve a loved one’s addiction. [10:15] Willing yourself out of addictive behavior has a very short success rate. [11:22] When enough is enough, there is hope for addicts. [12:46] Addiction prevents partners from being fully committed to each other, both in and out of the bedroom. [16:40] Reading literature about porn addiction can help a partner understand what you are going through. [18:46] Your partner knows better than anyone what you are going through in recovery. [19:39] Geoff’s career of treating sex addicts didn’t start until he was in recovery. [22:40] Geoff explains why he doesn’t self-disclose to his patients. [24:50] The impact of addiction and recovery on parenting. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Dr. Geoff Goodman Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey QUOTES: “From a spouses’ point of view, addiction must feel like a bait and switch.” “Reading literature about porn addiction helped broaden the picture to help her understand that this isn’t unique to me. This is a problem that many men experience.” “I can’t even imagine being a father and acting out, even though I know it happens all of the time.”
	Part 2: Why Do Addicts Love to Gaslight?	31 Jul 2024	00:26:37
Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Josh Nichols on some of the common tactics addicts and abusers use to gaslight their victims. In this episode, Josh focuses on the person who is receiving the gaslight treatment. Whatever you might be going through, there is no shame in staying with your addict. Sometimes the best thing for your family is to work through the issues, and sometimes the best thing for your family is for you to leave. Each case is individual to the person, but the most important thing you should know is that you’re not crazy and that your initial gut reaction is almost always correct! TAKEAWAYS: [1:35] Why do abusers work so hard to make someone think they’re crazy? [3:35] You’re not a bad person if you were on the receiving end of this treatment. [6:00] Abusers love to discredit your gut feelings and intuition, but your intuition is still accurate, deep down. [8:25] A healthy person wants to have a conversation about an issue or a feeling they’re having, the gaslighter does not. They want you to be distracted by something else. [11:45] It’s okay to question someone else’s version of reality. [13:15] You’re not a weak person for staying with an abuser. [15:25] What made Josh so interested in this subject? [19:40] You’re not alone in your pain. There are many people who have had to deal with a gaslighter. [20:00] You are not this bad person that your abuser has made you out to be! RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss Familysolutionsok.com QUOTES: “Abusers do it in such a way where they make you feel silly, stupid, or crazy. They teach you to not trust your gut, but your gut is still accurate.” “A healthy person wants to have more conversation about it, a gaslighter does not. The whole goal is to get you off my trail.” “Sometimes courage is leaving, and sometimes courage is staying.”
	Part 1: Why Do Addicts Love to Gaslight?	18 Jul 2024	00:27:26
Dr. Rob talks with Josh Nichols about common gaslighting tactics addicts and manipulative people tend to use. We like to think the world might be full of these calculating abusers, but often times these tactics are used as a knee-jerk reaction and come from a place of survival. Today, Josh offers some tips on how to spot a gaslighter and what you might be feeling from some of their gaslighting actions. TAKEAWAYS: [2:10] A little bit about Josh and why he wanted to talk about gaslighting. [2:55] What’s the difference between gaslighting and lair? [5:40] Victims feel like they’re going crazy and feel such relief when a therapist finally validates their thoughts. [8:30] Why do people gaslight other people? [10:45] A common tactic these people use is to confirm your belief in that person and then they will use this as leverage to deny your own reality. [14:00] These people tend not to be psychopaths or sociopaths. They’re just trying to maintain control. [17:25] A person will often try to use different tactics to cover up their gaslighting. What does this look like? [18:00] There are three archetypes you have to look out for: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer. [24:25] Unfortunately, gaslighters love to exploit your trust and sense of safety you have with that person. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss Familysolutionsok.com QUOTES: “These people are exploiting some kind of vulnerability and they can exploit the trust and love in the relationship.” “Addicts have maladaptive coping mechanisms and are really good survivors, and gaslighting becomes one of the tools.” “Gaslighters have three different types: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer.”

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