Explore every episode of the podcast Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 301: Sex and depression with JoEllen Notte | 19 Apr 2020 | 00:48:11 | |
tl;dr JoEllen Notte is here to help us explore depression, relationships, and how depression and mental health can impact sex and desire, plus connecting during a pandemic.
Explore More Summit is happening NOW! Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com and register. We've got Pleasure Mechanics, Rachel Cole, Prentis Hemphill, Andrea Glik, Jennifer Mullan, Kai Cheng Thom, and so many others. Don't miss it!
Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between JoEllen and I on this cultural idea that people with depression are essentially asexual, desexualized humans and what JoEllen actually found in all of her research plus looking at sex as an a la carte menu versus a buffet. (And Eeyore masturbating totally gets talked about.) Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.
In this episode, JoEllen and I talk about her new book, "The Monster Under the Bed" which is all about sex, depression, and relationships.
We talk about how the entire world is coping and struggling with depression, anxiety, panic, and trying to survive the unknown. How normal it is to be feeling numb and disconnected while also feeling more emotional and tender.
We explore how being in close quarters with a partner can lead to a reckoning with our relationships, important questions to ask ourselves during these times when we're wondering if our relationship is the problem or just how terrible things are in general and how to tease out whether it's the person or the relationship.
JoEllen and I share some of the catastrophizing stories our brains like to tell us and ways we cope, plus communicating our mental health needs with a partner and why context matters SO much when it comes to our libido and pleasure.
JoEllen also cannot stress enough how important it is to read Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" if you haven't already.
Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About JoEllen Notte:
JoEllen Notte is a certified sex educator, writer, speaker, sexuality researcher, and mental health advocate. She blogs at The Redhead Bedhead and has been published by the BBC, Glamour, Bitch Media, xoJane, and Kinkly. JoEllen's book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren't Having will be released on March 27, 2020.
Stay in touch with JoEllen at redheadbedhead.com and get a copy of The Monster Under the Bed at your favorite local bookstore. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the best
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript
Visit dawnserra.com/ep301 | |||
| 300: Jaclyn Friedman on believing women | 12 Apr 2020 | 00:56:15 | |
tl;dr Jaclyn Friedman on believing women, what happens when we disclose our trauma, and why our PERCEPTION of who is a victim impacts how we view all victims. We're talking about her new book with Jessica Valenti, "Believe Me". Explore More Summit is happening NEXT WEEK. Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com now!
Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between Jaclyn Friedman and I on Tina Horn's fantastic essay speaking to why pleasure should not be the measure for sex work and porn performers. It's SOOOO good and super important for folks who truly want to support those in the field. Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I love every time I get to be in conversation with Jaclyn, and this was no different.
We explore the difference between what it means to believe women versus what it means to believe ALL women, and why that distinction is important.
We dive into what it means that women, femmes, and feminized folks often have a different set of memories than cis men. The ways survivors are retraumatized by courts, lawyers, and our "justice" system.
So much of "Believe Me" demonstrates the ways we would all move closer to liberation if we centered Black women and trans women, and we explore all the ways so many of us are only trusted if we disclose the gory details of our trauma but in doing so we are also seen as discredited and no longer experts in anything except our trauma. Jaclyn shares what social researchers have long demonstrated: that collectively we not only hold women to much higher standards, but as a woman's credibility goes up, we like her less for it and actively punish her for that growing credibility.
So what can we do about it? Where do we go?
It's such an important discussion about a very important book, and I hope you'll get yourself a copy.
Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman:
Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, educator and activist, and creator of four books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009), What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All, and her latest, Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World. Her podcast, also called Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships.
Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. In her book, Unscrewed, she calls on the movement for women’s sexual liberation to move past individualistic “empowerment” messages (for which she coined the term “fauxpowerment”) to focus on collectively transforming the systems and institutions invested in keeping women sexually servile. Kirkus called it “a potent, convincing manifesto,” and Kate Tuttle, president of the National Book Critics Circle, called it “the book we need right now.” Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the US and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, Call Your Girlfriend, and numerous other audio and TV shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Refinery 29, The Washington Post, Glamour, and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former executive director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. More recently, she has been active in the Jews Against ICE movement, with whom she was arrested at a protest this summer. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep300 for the transcript | |||
| 291: STIs, masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies | 27 Jan 2020 | 00:49:59 | |
tl;dr STIs and how to protect ourselves, men who want masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies, plus Kobe Bryant's death. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast tomorrow. To kick off this week's episode, we are exploring some of the complicated feelings around Kobe Bryant's death, especially for survivors. We're also unpacking a new paper released by the CDC about STIs being on the rise. Check out the article at dawnserra.com/ep291 Sinclair Sexsmith recently pulled together a bunch of people, blogs, and helpful tidbits on chronic pain and sex. Grab the link at dawnserra.com/ep291. Then it's on to your questions. First up, Jose wants to know if it's healthy to have a sexual relationship with himself when he's in a relationship with someone else. And is it weird to want a masturbation buddy? Especially when he's a straight man and wants to masturbate with other men? Next, Busy Cat is ready to leave the big city and get a job in a smaller city, but her boyfriend isn't ready to make the move. How can she convince him that this move will be good for them? Finally, Ashamed is in recovery for an eating disorder and has complicated feelings about her fat body. She doesn't have much experience with masturbation or sex, and she wants to start but she doesn't know how. What if you can't reach your genitals? What if you don't know where to start? We go all the places and focus in on pleasure - because that's what it's all about, right? A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 204: Joanna Angel on erotic fantasies, nostalgia, & staying creative in porn | 11 Mar 2018 | 00:49:36 | |
Joanna Angel is joining the show this week and she's excited to talk about her new book, "Night Shift: A Choose Your Own Erotic Fantasy." We discuss how she came up with the story, the nostalgia of times past, feeling awkward and sexually inexperienced, and how some of Joanna's favorite memories of sex shop tours inspired so much of the book. You'll also want to check out the bonus reading on Patreon from Joanna's new book. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Joanna and I also talk about porn and what people get wrong about the industry, how she stays creative making 24 movies a year, how porn (and all of entertainment) is changing, and what's next for her literary adventures. I'm also doing a super soft launch of the 2018 Explore More Summit, so if you want to grab a spot head to exploremoresummit.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Joanna Angel: Joanna Angel is an award-winning adult film star, director, producer, author, entrepreneur and CEO of the venerated adult studio, BurningAngel Entertainment. Pacific Standard magazine stated she is, "One of the most powerful feminist icons in the adult industry." She's stormed mainstream media outlets being featured in the New York Times, Forbes Magazine, Vice TV, LA Weekly, and CNBC just to name a few. She was inducted into AVN's hall of fame in 2016 and continues to make her mark on the adult industry and the world at large. Stay in touch with JoAnna on Twitter @JoAnnaAngel. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 203: Married & poly, no guilt after an affair, & fear of sex | 04 Mar 2018 | 00:49:48 | |
Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a big ol' rant after a listener wrote in with some pretty problematic arguments around why coercion isn't rape and that relationships are about persuasion and convincing. Um....you KNOW I have thoughts. So what's up for this episode? AC wants to know where to find a kink expert that might teach at a private party about bondage and flogging. I recommend Fetlife to get started. Drowning in Relationship Theory is so stressed. Her and her husband decided to open their marriage so she could explore her bisexuality. She's met a lovely woman, her husband is on board, but she's been listening to lots of poly experts who all say hierarchical poly is unethical and that prioritizing her marriage is wrong. Can she be ethically polyamorous while treasuring her marriage? I have several thoughts, and also recommend Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up", Andre Shakti's IAmPoly.net, and Poly Role Models. And the short answer is yes, of course. You can be married and ethically open, especially if potential partners KNOW you're married and get to opt in. Anonymous confesses that she loves her husband, they have a great sex life, and she had affair. But she feels guilty because she DOES NOT feel guilty. It was a one-time thing that offered her deep healing, and she just can't feel guilty. Is she terrible? Another anonymous listener is terrified of sex. She's 21, has never had intercourse, and feels woefully behind all her friends. Plus, she experiences lots of vaginal pain and doesn't know that she'll ever be able to have intercourse. Is it hopeless? Is she doomed? Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraWhat if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 202: Training doctors & moving on after harming someone with Bianca Palmisano | 25 Feb 2018 | 01:15:15 | |
Don't forget to grab your seat for the LIVE taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here. This week, I am joined by the incredible Bianca Palmisano from Intimate Health Consulting. Bianca specializes in training medical doctors, nurses, and staff to be more inclusive when treating marginalized folks, especially around sexuality and gender. So, we go there. We talk about all the ways doctors fail us and the emotional labor we often have to do to train doctors on how to treat us well. We also talk about how Bianca gets into their offices in the first place and how she's received. Then we geek out over the medical conferences we've both attended because good god, is there a problem with the research being done. Ugh. And of course big pharma spends loads of money at medical conferences attracting doctors. There's NO MONEY in giving people better communication tools. We field two listeners questions. One on when to disclose that you have a kidney draining pouch and the other on how to live with yourself after you've sexually abused someone. You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about the orgasm gap and how much variance there is in our orgasms. Because orgasms are at the top of everyone's minds when they feel like there's a problem. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshops, head to dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Bianca Palmisano: Bianca Palmisano is a sex educator, medical consultant, and the owner of Intimate Health Consulting. She specializes in training healthcare providers around issues of sexual health, as well as LGBT, sex worker, and sexual assault survivor competency. Palmisano is the primary author of "Safer Sex for Trans Bodies," an outreach and education guide for the trans community sponsored by Whitman Walker Health and the Human Rights Campaign. She has been a guest lecturer at George Washington University, Johns Hopkins, and University of Chicago. Stay in touch with Bianca on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @fun_size_SexEd. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 201: Painful sex, feeling lonely in love, & fearing STIs | 18 Feb 2018 | 00:50:17 | |
There are still spots available for the LIVE recording of Sex Gets Real on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. If you want to help celebrate the 200th episode, just complete this little entry form - I would love to see you there! Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a thinky-thoughty exploration of love and romance. I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available. So what's up for this episode? Mary wrote in because she's have pain during sex. Her doctor didn't help and she's seeing a physical therapist for pelvic floor work, but what can she do? I'm not a doctor, but I can share a few resources about painful sex, which is often called dyspareunia for folks who have a vulva. If you have dyspareunia, you might want to check out a trial that's being conducted for a new device to help with pain during intercourse called the OhNut. Also, finding support groups and bloggers who talk about painful sex could be a fantastic place to start. I also have some questions about the types of sex being had and why trying some other forms of sexual pleasure might take some of the pressure off. Brooke is poly. She enjoys orgies, public sex, and dating others, as does her boyfriend. But she's terrified of STIs. What if someone lies about their status? What if they don't know they have one? What can she do to help with her fear? MistressNeon wants to become a sexpert. How did I get started and what do I recommend for folks looking to switch careers? My answer is going to disappoint and upset a lot of you, but if there's one thing I try to do it's keep it real. So, buckle up because I have thoughts. Ginger's husband wants to try receiving anal, but Ginger isn't so sure she's into that. She wants to be open to new things, but she's feeling a little anxious and a little grossed out. What can she do to find some joy in the fact that her husband asked for this and actually give it a try? Anonymous Please is young, recently married, and says her husband has a special way of making her feel really really lonely. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 200: Unconventional sex, betrayal, & looking for signs of an orgasm | 11 Feb 2018 | 00:58:10 | |
HAPPY EPISODE 200! If you want to enter to win one of 49 spots on the online live recording of Sex Gets Real, complete this little entry form. Must be 18 or over to enter and be available March 22nd at 5pm PT/8pm ET. A random selection will be made on March 10th & winners will be notified via email. And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is all about being heartbroken and how to deal with the tears & the pain. I also want to hear about how you've navigated heartbreak. Did you eat ice cream in your PJs and cry over romcoms? Did you go out with friends and have revenge sex? If you're a Patreon supporter at $3 and above, you can tune in and weigh in. So what's up for this episode? You all have been sending me some TERRIFIC questions lately, and I was eager to dive in. Aussie Gal wrote in from Australia with some love and delight. Satisfied Slippery Slut went to She Bop in Portland after hearing it mentioned on a previous episode and had a lovely experience. Let's all support feminist sex shops! They're awesome! A listener texted me asking what kind of strap-on harness I use and how I keep it tight when I'm using it. So, I talk about my favorite strap-on as well as some other options folks might want to check out. Scott wrote in with a question about orgasms. He's pretty sure he gave his past partners orgasms and noticed they curled their toes. He's pretty sure his new girlfriend is happy and enjoying their connection, but he's also pretty sure she isn't orgasming since she doesn't curl her toes when her body is spasming. Is toe curling a sure sign of orgasms? Anonymous has a condition that means vaginal penetration with her partner isn't a possibility for their sex life. They are really happy and incredibly passionate, but she's worried he is missing out since they can't have PIV sex. Is she being selfish or can sex that doesn't include intercourse actually work over the long term? Merel Ann is struggling because her and her boyfriend decided to open up their relationship after months of talking about it. Everything was going great until he broke the one and only agreement they had, and now she feels betrayed. Can she ever get over the feelings of betrayal and broken trust? How can she move forward? In addition to some of my thoughts on trust, betrayal, and moving on, I also recommend working with open relationship coach Gina Senarighi of Uncommon Love PDX. It might also help to check out Esther Perel's books "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." Of course, I do work around this, too, if that helps. Finally, Ethical Fan is from Mexico and he just read a piece in the NY Times about porn and kids. Is it really that bad? How can he talk to his 13 year old and 15 year old about porn so that they don't suffer bad expectations around sex? That NY Times piece was a scare piece by an anti-porn writer. So, it's skewed and meant to terrify readers. Porn is not evil. The lack of education we offer young people is the real problem. We must start teaching media literacy to kids from the youngest of ages, and that helps with porn exposure. We have to start talking to our kids about porn at very young ages, because curiosity is natural and having sexual feelings as you're growing up is normal, so the more we can open that line of communication and arm them with the skills they'll need to see the difference between reality and fantasy, the better. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 199: Being a survivor & the ethics of sex toys with Sarah Holliday | 04 Feb 2018 | 01:03:15 | |
Formidable Femme, aka Sarah B Holliday, is here this week talking about sex toy companies, the ethics of selling sex toys, rejecting the perfect survivor narrative, healing from trauma, plus we field a listener question about abuse. Sarah is deeply committed to changing the way the sex toy industry operates, and she has loads of ideas about what makes for an ethical company in this field and where companies often fail. Let's stop gendered toys and the marketing we use to promote them and instead center marginalized identities and bodies to make sex and pleasure truly inclusive. We also discuss Sarah's terrific advice to sex toy companies, plus a few books for navigating trauma including "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Healing Sex." You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about pleasure as revolution, as liberation, and resistance. I mean, if masturbating means we're giving a big F you to the sex negative oppressive world, who are we to deny ourselves the pleasure? Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sarah B. Holliday: Sarah Brynn Holliday (pronouns: she/her) is a queer femme feminist sex blogger, educator, and consultant. She has a background in abortion rights and access, queer and trans liberation, and radical, pleasure-and-trauma-informed sex education. Sarah runs formidablefemme.com, where she writes about how sexuality intersects with queerness, feminism, depression, and trauma. Much of her work centers around pushing for ethical, equitable, feminist business practice within the sex toy industry and helping people learn about how they can reclaim sex and pleasure after trauma. Stay in touch with Sarah on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @sarahbholl. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 198: Long distance BDSM, porn addiction, & abuse in love | 28 Jan 2018 | 00:49:15 | |
Welcome to this week's episode of listener questions! And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is me reading you a little queer erotica. Go listen now! First up, Love All of Him sent an update. Find out what happened after they followed my advice and what lead to them Leo from Scotland wrote in. He's had digestive issues for a few years and now his butthole is kind of saggy. He feels ashamed and doesn't know what to say to potential partners. Internalized ableism sucks. The good news is most people have no idea what buttholes look like, so let's about genital diversity and sharing vulnerable stuff about our bodies. Soldier0510 is a service member stationed in South Korea with a wife back home in the US. She asks about keeping the heat burning while long distance, especially since they are both new and curious and BDSM dynamics. In addition to loads of recommendations about long distance kink and power dynamics, I also suggest a few books including "The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasies", "The Ultimate Guide to Kink", "Playing Well with Others", and "Radical Ecstasy." Christian, a 32 year old gay man who comes from an anti-sex religious background wrote in. After years of hiding his sexuality and using porn as a coping mechanism, he now has a boyfriend but doesn’t know how to enjoy sex with another person. He is having trouble staying hard and wonders if his porn use destroyed his sexuality. I have a lot of thoughts, including the importance of spending time worshipping your partner without needing to have an Dega Glitter is a self-identified 34 straight female virgin who is terrified about sex but avidly reads erotica. She writes in about a complex, secret, problematic relationship with an older man she had in her early twenties and the psychological ripples of that liaison. This is an emotional one and I do my best to tread tenderly. Therapy and professional support are often our best resources when we're struggling. TS writes in to asks about Dawn’s opinion on the Five Love Languages book. Do you prefer receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Find out what Dawn’s favorite love languages are and which ones she’d rather not receive anymore. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see current courses that are available. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 197: Cavanaugh Quick dives into awkwardness, body language, & being a switch | 21 Jan 2018 | 01:10:36 | |
Talking to other sex educators, researchers, and experts is one of my favorite things in life, especially when the conversations are rich, personal, nuanced, and challenging. I met Cavanaugh Quick through O.School (where we both live stream sex ed for free), and the first time I saw Cavanaugh talk about feminist porn, I knew I wanted to have them on the show. This episode is incredibly beautiful and real. From the reality of being awkward to practicing being aroused in public, from consent and non-verbal body cues to kink and getting your first vibrator, Cavanaugh offers a warm, kind, thoughtful perspective that feeds my soul. You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about using techniques Cav learned for managing chronic pain to induce pain during sadistic kink play. SO FUN. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cavanaugh Quick:Cavanaugh Coury Quick is a queer, trans, polyamorous, AfroLatinx adventurer with a passion for critical thought and personal autonomy. He uses strengths-based techniques and reflective practice to assist folk of all ages in exploring the intersections of their personal and professional identities, beliefs, and behaviors. He also plays the tuba. Stay in touch with Cavanaugh on his website, and also on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @Heyawkwardology. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 196: Luna Matatas on seducing the anus, strap-ons, & sex clubs | 14 Jan 2018 | 01:00:19 | |
What do butt play, pegging the patriarchy, non-sexual Dominance & submission, strap-ons, and sex clubs have in common? Why, Luna Matatas, of course. She is joining me this week to talk about all the delicious, yumminess that is kink and pleasure. As a fellow O.School Pleasure Professional (check out her Fuck Like a Goddess weekly live stream), she loves talking about sex club etiquette, anal and how to seduce the anus, pee play, and strap-ons. We go all the places, plus we field a few listeners questions while we're at it. Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat all about piss play exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun. If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Luna Matatas:Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and burlesque performer wannabe. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. She takes a playful, realistic and open-minded approach to adult education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, Luna facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others. Her workshops are refreshingly funny, warm and inviting. She loves hugs and is terrified of spiders and eggplant. Stay in touch with Luna on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter @lunamatatas, and on Fetlife where she is somethingshiny. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 195: Former pro dominatrix Mona Darling on kink, pet play, & orgasm control | 07 Jan 2018 | 00:56:08 | |
Mona Darling is here to talk all things kinky. As a former pro Dominatrix with over 20 years of experience dominating folks in the kinkiest of ways, she has some fantastic advice on how to get started in kink, the skills most people overlook that actually make kink juicy and meaningful, and how to find your inner Domme if you're just getting started. She has a new kinky activity book that's soon to be published and helps me field listener questions on how to do punishments and rewards in a 24/7 dynamic and also for newbie Daddy/Little Girl dynamics. It's a fun, kink-tastic chat. Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun. Psst - looking for more details on working with me? Check out my coaching details now! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Mona Darling:Mona Darling is a former professional dominatrix who now teaches women and couples to discover, embrace and communicate their kinks. You can stay in touch with her on Facebook and Twitter @MsMonaDarling. If you're female-identified, you can also join her private Facebook community. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| 290: Wheelchair sex and being scared of sex | 12 Jan 2020 | 01:03:31 | |
tl;dr How to have with someone in a wheelchair, being scared of sex and not knowing how to jump in.
Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. We are diving into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the behaviors that indicate a relationship is in need of repair and heading for trouble and what we can do about it.
This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.
An important article on abortion plus I also am sharing two interesting posts about men and testosterone and men and sexual desire by psychotherapist Eric FitzMedrud. There's some really interesting stuff here that helps to share our conversation masculinity and consent. I'd love to hear what you think! Grab the links at dawnserra.com/ep290 for everything mentioned.
On to your questions!
Cassandra is about to have sex for the first time with someone new and he is in a wheelchair. She's not sure how to ask what he likes or how to sext, espcially since he told her that he can't get erections. What should she do?
Let's talk about sex with someone in a wheelchair! First, for folks who are super new to sex and disability, Amaze.org has this awesome video to get you started.
I also highly recommend this soon-to-be-published book by Limerence Press, an imprint of Oni Press, called "A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability" by A. Andrews. It's a graphic novel all about - you guessed it - sex and disability and I love it. It comes out in May 2020, so follow Limerence on Twitter to hear when it's out! You can also pre-order it on Amazon.
I offer loads of questions Cassandra can ask her new beau, and I also suggest a Yes No Maybe list. Head to dawnserra.com/ep290 for a great resource on those.
Next, Scaredy Cat and Queer & Missing Sex are BOTH scared about sex.
Scaredy Cat is in eating disorder recovery and found me through Christy Harrison's amazing show, Food Psych. SC hasn't had a boyfriend and is terrified of sex to the point that she is cutting off potential partners out of fear that they'll expect or want sex. What can she do?
In addition to all the things I mention on the show, I also pulled together a reading list for SC as a way to start learning, practicing, and finding more language around sex, boundaries, needs, and desires. Some books to get you going can be found at dawnserra.com/ep290
There's a much bigger recommended reading list you can grab at dawnserra.com/books, too!
Next up, Queer & Missing Sex is a few years out of an abusive relationship and feeling scared about sex, too. What can they do to reconnect with someone and have the fun sex they miss?
Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:
What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the best
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript
Visit dawnserra.com/ep290 for the transcript. | |||
| Sex Gets Real 194: Mono, wanting lots of sex, OK Cupid name change | 31 Dec 2017 | 00:33:13 | |
If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now. Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too! On to listener questions! A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts. Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared. Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong? Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups. Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever? Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website. More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts. Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 193: JoEllen Notte on the best of 2017 | 24 Dec 2017 | 01:02:25 | |
If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up. Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level. On to this week's show! JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment. We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is. We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe? Tune in to find out! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About JoEllen Notte: JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site >The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”. Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 192: Listener questions on orgasms, being gay, sexting, & therapy | 17 Dec 2017 | 00:47:43 | |
Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles. Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now. And away we go... Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives? Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with? I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences. A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust? I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves. Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT. Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started. Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen! A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 191: Face sitting, cheating, & hating your body | 10 Dec 2017 | 00:48:24 | |
My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn! Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed." Now, on to your questions. Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks. A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay! Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha. As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts. Nugget wrote in with some words of love. Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic. You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start. Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption. I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above. We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial. Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences. So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into. Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable. Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that. Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting! Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that. Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird? I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 190: Sunny Megatron & Ken Melvoin-Berg on kink & changing bodies | 03 Dec 2017 | 01:04:37 | |
Did you hear last week? CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It's free and online, so sign-up today. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see a VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today. This week, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are here! Which means it's basically an hour of me laughing hysterically. We talk about their new sex podcast, American Sex, and some of the guests they've had - like the grapefruit lady and a guy whose fetish is death and sex. Ken talks about how his relationship to kink has changed due to some health concerns, and Sunny talks about menopause and her libido. We also answer listener questions about pubic hair and fisting. Ken even wows with the history of the merkin. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron: Superheroes of sex ed, married couple Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron are partners in every sense of the word. In addition to co-producing Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” they initially gained recognition writing and teaching about everyone’s favorite subject, SEX. In their sell-out workshops, their unique brand of “edutainment” plus combined 25+ years of sexuality teaching experience puts students at ease. Each session seamlessly combines their humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research.Sunny hosts their Showtime original television series, “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” taking viewers on a journey into the world of adult play, as everyday people expose their deepest and most intimate fantasies. Always honest, funny, and sex-positive, the show provides an interesting, fresh twist on sexual exploration. Their latest endeavor is their podcast called American Sex that features an eclectic mix of guests from all walks of life. American Sex podcast is available on most major podcasting platforms. On a more personal note, this dynamic duo are married, parents, occasionally ethically non-monogamous, and lifestyle BDSM enthusiasts. Want to stay in touch? Check out American Sex Podcast on Twitter and Facebook. You can also visit Sunny's website sunnymegatron.com. Follow Sunny on Facebook and Twitter and Ken on Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Episode 189: Urban Tantra with Barbara Carrellas | 26 Nov 2017 | 01:08:34 | |
I am so excited. CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition AND they sent me an exclusive audio clip of April Flores and Milcah filming a recent scene. You can hear the juicy details in the show this week. HEAR THE PORN! If you want to hear more from April about porn and fat sex, she's speaking at the summit which starts December 4th. It's free and online, so sign-up today! We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see the VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today. This week, Barbara Carrellas joins me to talk all about tantra. Her incredible, inclusive book, "Urban Tantra" just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary by releasing an updated 2nd edition. The new edition includes tantra for asexual/aromantic folks and an entire chapter on erotic massage for trans and gender non-conformity bodies. If you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I adore this book and Barbara's approach to tantra. And, this week's episode gives you a delicious idea of why - it's so inclusive, so open, so welcoming, and absolutely designed for you to customize it to fit your needs, desires, and life. Tantra shouldn't be about certain positions, heterosexual bodies, masculinity or femininity and certain genders because it's a spiritual practice. And spiritual practices need to include everybody in every body. Grab the 2nd edition of Urban Tantra RIGHT NOW. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Barbara Carrellas:Barbara Carrellas is celebrating the brand new second edition of her bestselling book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century—the world’s first LGBTQ- and BDSM-inclusive Tantric sex book. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide To Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra® — a philosophy, an international community, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice—and the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality, supporting both personal and professional goals. She was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine for her Urban Tantra® workshops, and was awarded a 2016 Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement. You can stay in touch with Barbara on Facebook and also on Twitter @UrbanTantrika. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 188: Trust after betrayal, fat sex, safer sex | 19 Nov 2017 | 00:55:00 | |
Two things! Sign-up for the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition at exploremoresummit.com. It's free and kicks off December 4th. Prepare to be challenged and cracked open. My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now enrolling. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn! Now, on to your questions. GR wrote in asking how porn stars and people in non-monogamous relationships protect themselves. How does safe sex work with multiple partners? It's such an important question. Ultimately, it depends on each of us. We all have different needs, different requirements around risk and prevention, so the answer is really all in how you negotiate it with a partner. The most important this is to remember we always default to the person who wants MORE protection. If you don't want to use their level of protection, then you either don't engage with them or you limit your activities, but we NEVER try to talk someone out of what they need for their peace of mind or bodily safety. Cece is trying to learn how to trust her partner after he betrayed her. How can she stop questioning his word? She even snoops sometimes because she's so convinced he isn't being upfront. How can she build trust? Is there any hope? Betrayals are absolutely something you can overcome, but rebuilding trust takes time. Like, years sometimes. And not just time, but consistent, reliable behavior that proves the person is who they say they are. A lot of people can't stand that uncertainty in the interim, so you have to decide for yourself if you can find some care and support in that uncomfortable space. I also recommend Esther Perel's two books, "Mating in Captivity" and her latest, "The State of Affairs." There was an unfortunate incident on Dan Savage's podcast recently where a trans listener was misgendered and handled so poorly. If you want to read Bex Caputo's response as well as this great thread on Twitter about the whole debacle, check it out. Trans folks, you deserve better than what Dan & Buck offered you. LoveAllOfHim wants some advice for having sex with her fat male partner. She loves his body, but sometimes positions are a little tough. Most sex books for fat folks focus on folks with a vulva. LAOH needs some guidance. I definitely recommend LAOH check out Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" book. Also, this article on Scarleteen about sex with a fat partner who also has a smaller penis. I also recommend sex furniture and cushions, using ropes and straps to adjust bodies, and also getting creative with sex toys made for a penis to possibly make access a little easier. Be sure to check out Chubstr.com, too. They don't have a sex section yet, but they do have loads of resources for large & fat men and masculine folks, and I suspect it will be added at some point down the road. Natalia wants to know if certain personality traits make for better worse lovers. Also, are artists better lovers? They're fun questions that I play around with for a few moments. Hint: it's not alpha males or folks who have something to prove. Julia is the final question of the episode. It's a heartbreaking, painful plea for help after Julia's husband betrayed her and blamed it on sex addiction and not being able to help himself. How can she recover? In the end, Julia needs to center herself and what she needs to heal, to grieve, to move forward. It's a tough place to be, and there is no easy answer. Can we grapple with that pain and uncertainty? We'll find out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 187: Getting Unscrewed with Jaclyn Friedman | 12 Nov 2017 | 01:06:51 | |
Don't forget, the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. This week, Jaclyn Friedman is here to talk all about her new book, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All." It is a powerful, comprehensive examination of all the ways our ideas about sex intersect with things like media, racism, justice, toxic masculinity, patriarchy. Basically, all my favorite topics wrapped up into one. You can pre-order the book here (it comes out November 14th, 2017). Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman:Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. Stay in touch with Jaclyn on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 186: Technology meets sex ed with O.School founder Andrea Barrica | 05 Nov 2017 | 00:53:42 | |
First up, I am so excited to announce the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. Also, I am taking new coaching clients, so if you're at a point where you want to unpack some shame, get unstuck, or ask for some personalized advice, head to dawnserra.com. This week we are talking about technology, innovation, and sex education. Andrea Barrica is here, the founder of O.School. She has long been in the tech industry, working with the titans in Silicone Valley, and it's clear that the internet is not designed for sex education or for safety. Andrea is on a mission to change that. She wants people to have a harassment-free, trauma-informed place to access sex education that is real, powerful, and available anywhere in the world. We talk about all the ways technology is currently failing us, what's next for sex education, and how we can design better solutions that center the most marginalized. This episode will totally scratch your geek side, so dive in! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Andrea Barrica:Andrea Barrica is CEO/co-founder of O.school, an online shame-free platform for pleasure education, powered by live-streaming and chat to help people unlearn shame, process trauma, and learn about sex and pleasure. Previously, Andrea co-founded YC-backed accounting and tax platform, inDinero.com, where she led sales and operations. She also served as a venture partner and entrepreneur-in-residence at 500 Startups, one of the world’s most active, global seed funds. Stay in touch with Andrea on LinkedIn and follow along on Twitter at @abarrica and @OschoolLive. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 185: Hookups with herpes, chastity belt fantasies, & raising sex positive kids | 29 Oct 2017 | 00:54:39 | |
Your questions have been pouring in. And of course, if you want to practice being the sexpert, folks who support the show on Patreon at $10 get to offer their advice for the show, too. So, where are we going this week? Emma has been seeing someone for a few years who keeps disappearing and ignoring her. They have amazing chemistry and great sex, so what can she do about the way he behaves? The truth is the way he's behaving is abusive and all about control and manipulation, and not at all about honoring this relationship. I dive into the why and how of what I think Emma should do next. Maddy and another listener both wrote in recently asking for help about how to raise sex positive kids. I have a bunch of resources to share from books to websites and big concepts that I think set us up for more success as teens and adults. Also, Nadine Thornhill talked about this on episode 109 of the show. Check that out, too. Because kids and sex is about more than just condoms and STIs. It's about emotional intelligence, resilience, finding your voice, knowing your own body, communicating boundaries and desires, and learning how to survive the awkward. If parents can help kids learn that? They'll be so much better prepared for all the stuff around sex that makes sex so confusing and difficult. Plus, FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE. Talking about pleasure doesn't make kids have the sex. But it does empower them around knowing what they want later in life. Another listener needs help finding a third for her threesome desires, but she has herpes. How can she find someone who wants to play with her and her boyfriend, and who won't mind her herpes status? Speaking of playing with others, Lindsey and her boyfriend love being watched while they have sex. They've done it once, but they want to do more. Where can they find voyeurs who will enjoy watching them get off? From Tinder and OK Cupid to exploring local poly groups and play parties, there are loads of options if you're willing to put in a little work and ask for what you want. Tori is a rape survivor with a long history of less-than-satisfying sex. She's in a new relationship and she's taking it slow, but she needs help around how to disclose her survivor status to her boyfriend. I have lots of thoughts about what it means to share your trauma with someone, and how to explore this space from a place of connection and curiosity rather than one of fear and shame. Finally, Nathan wants to know how to convince his girlfriend to be his keyholder because he is into chastity devices. Will she even want to? Once again, the only answer is to ask her, and I explain why. Love the show? You can lend your support by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - supporting at $3 per month gets you exclusive weekly content you can't hear anywhere else. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episodeCory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word" Anastasia Higginbotham's "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma", "Death is Stupid", and "Divorce is the Worst" Nadine Thornhill, a sex educator specifically working with parents on teaching their kids about sex. Check out her YouTube, too. Heather Corinna (founder of Scarleteen) has a book called "S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties" A great resource for parents about raising kids is John Gottman's "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting" About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. | |||
| 289: When the sex stops after you move in together & non-binary pregnancy | 05 Jan 2020 | 00:59:33 | |
tl;dr When the sex stops after you move in together, non-binary pregnancy, and why sex with fat folks is not revolutionary.
Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's explore some of what we want to let go of and what we'd like to bring in for 2020, plus the most magical gift list I've ever read.
This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.
First, you must read this magical thread by @shaanlashun on having sex with fat people. Share it widely. Sing it from the rooftops. The articles they mentioned are linked at dawnserra.com/ep289
I also am sharing two tweets from @pangmeli and you can find them here and here.
On to your questions!
First up, Lee recently moved in with her partner and the sex has stopped. What gives? Why did the sex stop as soon as they moved in together? The sex was kind of boring before that, so Lee is wondering how to talk to her partner about having sex, how not to build this up into A Thing, and if they can stack complaints of the things that aren't working?
Let's talk about building a solid foundation of positive experiences and trust. We need to all be practicing our sex talk with partners when things are good because it's so upsetting to be in a relationship where the only time you talk about sex is when something is wrong.
I know lots of people are in this situation, so I've got lots of questions and recommendations for Lee, including reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity.
Next, Ama wrote in because she was raped twice by her best friend. It's been a year, but she can't stop crying and feeling unlovable. She's been trying to date, but she keeps choosing men who are unavailable.
Finally, H is a non-binary person trying to get pregnant, but they are feeling all sorts of homophobia come up around their masculine body in this quest to have a baby.
I found some awesome resources for non-binary and trans folks who are trying to get pregnant and who are pregnant. Check out the huge list of resources at dawnserra.com/ep289
Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Hearing from you is the best
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript
Visit dawnserra.com/ep289 for the transcript. | |||
| Sex Gets Real 184: Afrosexology on Black pleasure, masturbation, & radical twerking | 22 Oct 2017 | 00:59:32 | |
This week's show is sponsored by RXBar. You can grab 25% off your first order at rxbar.com/sgr with promo code SGR at checkout. You want to know what's in your lube, and now you can see what's in your snacks! I am absolutely in love with this week's chat with Dalychia and Rafaella from Afrosexology. We talk about their mission to bring sexual liberation and agency to the Black community. We explore pleasure and how to center it in our lives, why masturbation is a powerful tool to finding our power, and why it's so important to focus on pleasure in sex education, especially for the Black community and POC. We also geek out about their spectacular Instagram account filled with beautiful bodies, genders, and erotic acts, all by Black artists. It's rich, deep, and powerful. Ready to hear it? Let's go... Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Afrosexology:Afrosexology provides comprehensive pleasure based education centered around the narratives and liberation of Black people. We curate community discussions, educational materials, and sex positive events that cover topics such as: masturbation, self love, enhancing communication in relationships, radical twerking, oral sex, body agency, and much much more. We work with diverse groups including sexuality professionals, community organizations, individuals, parents, youth, spiritual communities, universities, and anyone else who wants to live a sex positive life. Our mission is to educate, explore, and reclaim Black sexuality by promoting Black self empowerment through sexual liberation. We celebrated our second birthday this summer and are proud to have worked with over 1000 individuals. Afrosexology has created spaces where people feel free to express everything from shame to sexual desires, challenge stereotypes around sexual agency, and build an affirming community around shared experiences. We believe that there is so much to unpack and reclaim when it comes to our bodies and sexuality and we want people to live their most pleasurable lives. Stay in touch with Afrosexology on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 183: Housework & resentment, chronic cheating, & Rare Bird Lit | 15 Oct 2017 | 01:03:35 | |
Welcome to this week's show! We're talking books, housework & resentment, and cheating. Oh, and I just started watching Big Mouth on Netflix which is an absurd, bizarre cartoon all about going through puberty. You might want to check it out. Cadessa wrote in about her non-existent sex life and how listening to the show changed everything. Sarah has a girlfriend who refuses to help with housework and now she has deep resentment about always being the one to do it or to have to remind her. Is this a silly thing to be angry about? Or is this a big deal? Steph, a Patreon supporter, weighed in with her thoughts, and then I weigh in with mine. We have to remember that emotional labor is so real. When we are treating a partner like a child (either because they refuse to step up and help or because we have control issues), of course our libido is going to take a nose dive. You deserve support, it just depends on what that support looks like. Julia Callahan is here from Rare Bird Lit to talk about why they publish sex worker stories and why they love centering marginalized voices. They have a new book called Identity that's a photo book and essays all about gender identity. Absolutely worth checking out. We end this week's episode with a very messy situation sent in by Emily. She's in love and has been with her boyfriend for several years, but she's been cheating endlessly for a few years and doesn't know what to do. Being in a toxic relationship like this isn't good for anyone. Hear my advice to Emily and let me know what you think. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episodeRare Bird Lit's books can all be found here. About Julia CallahanJulia Callahan oversees all aspects of sales, distribution, marketing, and author relations. Prior to joining the Rare Bird team, she worked for four years as Tyson Cornell’s marketing and publicity assistant at Book Soup where she helped coordinate thousands of events each year, notably The Doors’ 40th Anniversary, Ralph Steadman, Tony Curtis, and many others. Before that, she worked as an associate at Paramount Studios on The Dr. Phil Show and Star Trek. She grew up in Santa Cruz and has a BA in English. You can learn more about Rare Bird at rarebirdbooks.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 182: Masochism, virginity, low self-esteem, & permission slips | 09 Oct 2017 | 00:51:05 | |
Hello, from New Orleans! Hurricane Nate meant I was stuck in Louisiana for an extra day, but it also meant more time at SisterSong's "Let's Talk About Sex" conference. I share a little about what that conference brought up for me and then...it's your questions and my answers. You can see some of the videos from the conference at the show's Patreon page: patreon.com/sgrpodcast You can also see all of the permissions slips folks wrote in my workshop on Twitter if you look at my feed under #LTAS17. Horny Virgin needs help with navigating safer sex conversations when you're engaging in casual sex. How can HV have sex and feel safe? How do you talk about testing and barriers? And, how do you even have sex? Ali wants to know if she kink-shamed a woman she hooked up with after this woman asked to be seriously injured during their sex without any kind of warning or conversation ahead of time. Masochism and consent are important. Not letting someone know you want them to break bones or skin before getting intimate is NOT consensual. Ash is a 29-year-old virgin who suffers from self-esteem issues because they're overweight and feel like a freak. What can they do to find some confidence, to find partners, especially when people ask them to lose weight? Is there any hope? I have so so much to say about this one. All the feels. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episodeFat activists like Jes Baker, Melissa Toler, Bevin Branlandingham, The Body is Not An Apology Instagram accounts to check out include: FatWomenOfColor, FatGirlFlow, ThickLeeyonce, BlessMayFatHeart, QueerFatFemme Explore More Summit has several talks on confidence, bodies, fatness. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 181: Erotic art and photography with Maggie West | 01 Oct 2017 | 00:52:20 | |
An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards. For the past few months, one of my favorite things on Instagram has been Maggie West's gorgeous nude photo series for Amber Rose's Slut Walk. The colors, the confidence, the variety of bodies. So, of course, I had to invite her on because her massive stained glass installation is available today in Los Angeles for Slut Walk. We talk about art, nudity, her body fluids series which jump started her relationship with Christophe Zeischegg (who was on a few weeks ago). Plus, I field a listener question all about being in love with your current girlfriend, but still being a little obsessed with an ex. Is it OK to check up on exes on Facebook, even if you've moved on? Here we go! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episodeCheck out Maggie's Instagram to see some of her amazing work for Slut Walk's 98. About Maggie WestMaggie West is a Los Angeles based artist specializing in experimental lighting and installation techniques. Her surreal, colorful photographs have been featured in acclaimed publications and sources worldwide. You can check out Maggie's work and stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter @maggiewest. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 180: Fisting, platonic kink, sex labs & more with Bex Caputo | 24 Sep 2017 | 01:10:12 | |
An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver). What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast. If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive. But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone. What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason? We're going everywhere, so tune in and join the fun. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episodeRead Bex's Woodhull wrap-up here. About Bex CaputoBex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and dildo peddler. They’ve been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since they insisted on being served their meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, (and even before that, probably). They’re a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, a pup, and a nonbinary queerdo who grew up into the pop punk skater boy they had a crush on in high school. Stay in touch with Bex on Instagram & Twitter @BexTalksSex. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 179: Flogging & spanking, a boot fetish, & porn festivals | 17 Sep 2017 | 01:08:50 | |
Guess what? LOLA is sponsoring this week's episode. You can get pads, tampons, and liners delivered to you, via their rad subscription service, at 60% off your first order when you subscribe. Just use promo code SGR when you visit mylola.com and get started. This week it's you and me and all your emails. But before I answer your questions, let's talk about the Seattle Erotic Film Festival and Dan Savage's HUMP! Festival, both of which I attended this week. The Seattle Erotic Film Festival had a lot of films that really weren't my cup of tea. Which is OK, but it did tell me a lot about what I enjoy watching and what I don't. I mentioned "Cake" by Anne Hu, and you can see the trailer here. It was truly delightful. Boner Loaner and How to Date a Couple were also favorites. Oh, and two films with scat play! Color me surprised. HUMP had a lot more that I enjoyed and laughed over, but I was still bummed that the best sex films were both awarded to thin, young, cis, hetero-presenting couples. Jnix wrote in wanting to know what the definition of "cis" is. Great question. Shane not only showers me with love but needs some help with a new girlfriend who is scared of spanking and flogging. What can Shane do? I share my first experience with flogging and how I didn't really enjoy it. But now flogging and spanking are huge parts of the sensation and kink I enjoy. Marisa is worried that her new love of being restrained might become a problem is she does it too much. Will it stay exciting if she does it a lot or should she try and hold back so it continues to feel special? My thoughts include adopting an attitude of curiosity and wonder - whether we're talking about monogamy, restraints, or anything else in our life. I also touch on why newness doesn't always have to be the goal, despite what we're constantly sold in this world. Hopelessly Devoted to Boot is desperately in need of help because his boot fetish is ruining his marriage of 20 years. He needs boots, and while his wife used to accommodate his fetish by wearing boots, more recently she's been refusing to wear the boots he needs for sexual arousal and pleasure. Now their sex is virtually gone. What can he do? All the thoughts on fetishes, the humanity of our partners, and navigating tough spots in relationships. Sad Gay Millennial wrote a long, eloquent letter to me about his loneliness, his violations with gay male culture, and his fear of bottoming even though he loves it. I adore that he acknowledges a lack of consent culture and widespread patriarchy which is present in gay male culture. In addition to therapy & professional sexual help, hear my thoughts on how to navigate love, dating, and trauma when you feel alone and totally empty. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episodeMy Sex Map game is only $9 and can help you find new ways to talk about sex. Grab it here. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 178: Yes, I have herpes with Dr. Sheila Loanzon | 10 Sep 2017 | 00:55:19 | |
What happens when you get a herpes diagnosis? And more importantly, what happens if you begin hiding that you have herpes? Dr. Sheila Loanzon, an OBGYN who gives amazing PAP smears, is here to talk about her very personal story and new book, "Yes, I Have Herpes." From advice on how to deal to details about what herpes really is, Dr. Sheila has practical advice as well as powerful personal stories about why she didn't tell her partners about her herpes for many years and what it was like to go back and tell them the truth. We also talk about why it's so important to work on ourselves if we want healthy relationships, how to set yourself up for a successful PAP smear, tips for trauma survivors and trans folks to find a good doctor, why ALL vulvas are beautiful, and the strangest question Dr. Sheila has ever had from a patient. You don't want to miss this. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episodeInterested in Dr. Sheila's book? Check it out here: "Yes, I Have Herpes" About Dr. Sheila LoanzonDr. Sheila Loanzon, also known as the "Compassionate Gynecologist," is a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist with over 15 years of patient and personal experience with the diagnosis of herpes. Dr. Loanzon offers women specific tools to shift their perspective, gain insight, and move forward confidently and in self-love. Dr. Loanzon received her BA in biochemistry at Vassar College and completed medical school at the College of Osteopathic Medicine of the Pacific. She currently works at a large multispeciality practice in California. You can find her on Twitter @DrSheilaGyn. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 177: Thriving in sex work with Lola Davina | 03 Sep 2017 | 01:10:41 | |
How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them? Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, "Thriving in Sex Work," is like a big sister's guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker. We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more. It's fascinating and practical. It's one of my favorite chats, and I think you'll hear why. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode About Lola DavinaLola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com. You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 176: Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde) on writing, monogamy, the future of porn | 27 Aug 2017 | 00:53:30 | |
Guess what? Christopher Zeischegg is here this week. You may know him as porn performer Danny Wylde. I had a chance to read his book, "The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space," and we talk all about his writing, the horror genre, leaving porn, bi-phobia within the porn world, why he's grateful to be in a monogamous relationship, how he got involved in creating a hot sauce called Wyldefire and a whole lot more. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episodeVice article on Chris and his hot sauce Chris' creepy essay "Moral Imperative of Sexual Suffering" About Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde)Christopher Zeischegg is a writer, musician, and filmmaker who spent eight years working in the adult industry as performer, Danny Wylde. He's the author of two novels, Come to my Brother and The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space, and has contributed to The Feminist Porn Book, Best Sex Writing, Coming Out Like a Porn Star, Split Lips, and a variety of digital publications, such as Somesuch and Nerve. His industrial metal band, Chiildren, released their second EP, The Circle Narrows, through Records Ad Nauseam in 2015. He became the face of >Wyldefire Hot Sauce in 2016. Zeischegg lives in Los Angeles with his two cats, Victoria and Isis. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 175: Sensual BDSM porn, inconsistent sex, & inorgasmic partners | 20 Aug 2017 | 00:58:29 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in. Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show. Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young. Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm. He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time listeners know this is one of those questions that gets me up on my soapbox, so let's talk about why orgasm is NOT the goal of sex. Also, the fastest way to not orgasm is to expect an orgasm. I have some big thoughts for Johnny, all of which I'm sure he won't like. Broad City Broad wants to know how she can find high quality lovers who actually want intimacy and connection, even if it's not a romantic relationship. How did I do it? A lot of it was luck, but being honest in your dating profile is a big part of finding good lovers. I share a few more thoughts. Greeney is struggling because she recently broke off a 10 year monogamous relationship. She developed a relationship with a polyamorous man, who just recently moved away. She's rekindling her relationship with the monogamous ex and wants to try and make all of it work. My thoughts? Don't. Hiding & lying as a way to claim you're trying not to hurt someone aren't the way to not hurt someone. Darkness Wonderer is worried that the sex with her partner is sporadic and that she gets turned on by women. Is she secretly a lesbian? Should their sex be more consistent? Why doesn't she want sex like she used to? There's a lot to unpack. A high school sophomore wants to ask out bisexual junior. How can he find out whether she prefers women or men and how to ask her out. Ahhh high school. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| 288: Squirting and incontinence, men who don't like sex, & large breasts | 15 Dec 2019 | 01:03:29 | |
tl;dr Abuse in polyamory. Can squirting cause incontinence? Are there men who don't like sex? How to have sex with someone with large breasts? Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. It's a listener question about first time sex, birth control, and deep throating. Tune in to hear it and thanks for supporting the show financially. This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements. First, I am in two new books. You can find an essay I wrote almost 2 years ago in the recently released "Sex Positive Now" anthology and I have been turned into a comic character for Meg-John Barker's soon to be released "Gender: A Graphic Guide". Pre-order yours today! This week, I am also bringing our attention to two articles about abuse in polyamory that I think offer important questions for us all to hold. Head to dawnserra.com/ep288 for the links. We need to hold ourselves and each other accountable for the ways we are doing relationship, and unfortunately much of the mainstream polyamory/non-monogamy advice just doesn't hold the nuance that's needed for people who have trauma, who experience mental illness, and a whole host of other realities. On to your questions! First up, Cathryn wrote in with some really sweet messages about discovering the podcast. Next, Sofia wrote in about squirting and incontinence. Can squirting lead to incontinence? I got input from several pelvic floor therapists, and though the answer is more complicated, the overall sense is yes, it can. We explore why in the episode. Then, Jose asks, “Am I the only guy who doesn't like sex?" But the thing is, Jose has a thriving sex life - with himself. It's partnered sex he doesn't care for, so we explore asexuality, masculinity myths, and why it's perfectly normal and OK to prefer sex with yourself. Finally, Breast Distress has a new partner who has large breasts. How can she become a better at sex with someone who has large breasts, especially when it's something she's never done before? Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 174: The Sex Myth with Rachel Hills and Jennie Runk | 13 Aug 2017 | 01:01:49 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I wanted to open this week's episode with a note about racism and white supremacy in light of the Charlottesville crap that's recently unfolded. I mentioned a bunch of places where you can donate money to help fight racism and support the folks on the ground doing the work. Find them here and here. On to this week's episode... This week I'm joined by author Rachel Hills and model Jennie Runk to talk about Rachel's book "The Sex Myth" and the new play by the same name starring Jennie that will run for 5 days in New York this week. We talk about all of the cultural myths that are keeping us trapped in pain and shame around sex. I particularly love Rachel's analysis on the myth that our worth as a human is determined by how other's see us sexually. This is a huge part of why we are all performing so hard to be seen as sexy and adventurous and wanted. Jennie also talks about being a plus-sized model and exploring her identity as a lesbian in the stage production of The Sex Myth. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Rachel HillsRachel Hills is an Australian journalist, TED speaker, and writer based in New York. Her critically-acclaimed book The Sex Myth is a call for a generation to question how systems of power pull at the strings of our sexual experience. A devised play based on the book will debut in New York City in August 2017. Follow along with The Sex Myth's updates and play at thesexmyth.com, and over on Instagram and Twitter @thesexmyth. You can also find Rachel on Instagram and sign-up for her Tiny Letter. About Jennie RunkJennie Runk is an American model represented by JAG Models in New York. Born in Georgia and raised in Missouri, Jennie was discovered in a Petsmart while volunteering for a cat adoption service. A proud (and recently married!) member of the LGBTQ community, Jennie is passionate about inclusion and empowerment for all people. Considered plus-size by the fashion industry, Jennie starred in the H&M summer swimwear campaign, graced the April cover of Marie Claire France and stars in the Straight/Curve documentary where she shares her compelling perspective on the future of her industry. You can stay in touch with Jennie on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jennierunk. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 173: Trans identity, bisexual erasure, & trans porn with Riley J Dennis | 06 Aug 2017 | 01:06:10 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Riley J Dennis is someone I've been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate. We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it's like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley's sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It's super fun and I can't wait for you to hear it. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Riley J. DennisRiley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) | |||
| Sex Gets Real 172: Cooper Beckett on swinging, desire, & the struggle to orgasm | 30 Jul 2017 | 01:14:11 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Guess who's here this week? Cooper S. Beckett from Life on the Swingset. It's been 2 years since he was on the show, way back when Dylan was still here, so it's wonderful to catch up and hear about his latest adventures. We geek out about live sex demos and the Swingset takeover at Desire resort, which is coming up in a few months. Plus, things get existential and deep as Cooper contemplates all of the ways his life has changed since he first started on his swinging adventures. We talk about the fragility of love, the lies we tell ourselves in relationship, his views on polyamory and labeling himself, and a lot more. Then we dive into a listener email from David all about his inability to orgasm during sex. Cooper has personal experience with erectile issues and orgasm, so his advice is personal and practical. Ready to hear it all? Me too. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cooper BeckettCooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 171: Queer & trans health with Zena Sharman | 23 Jul 2017 | 01:13:18 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Zena Sharman, editor of "The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care," is here talking about queer and trans health issues, community-based care, and oppression within the medical community. We geek out about trauma-informed care and talk about why cis straight men are really suffering inside these systems, too, based on the statistics. What does it look like to have healthcare informed by community, disability justice, racial justice, fat justice, and trauma? Zena has some stories and amazing ideas to get the activist in all of us going. How do we start asking, "Who are you and what's important to you?" instead of assuming what kinds of care and cures someone might want? Change is on the horizon, but we need to start looking at different possibilities that include kinky folks and poly folks and people of color among so many other intersections of oppression. When this happens, our sexual health and our mental health would improve drastically. Ready to dive in? Me too! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episodeEli Clare's "Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure" Zena's blog post on Queer Interdependence "Living in Liberation: Boundary Setting, Self Care, and Social Change" by Cristien Storm Kelli Dunham's zine, "You Don't Have to Love Your Body to Take Care of It" and PLEASE send her a few bucks if you access this zine. Here's her PayPal to do just that. About Zena SharmanZena Sharman is a femme force of nature and a passionate advocate for queer and trans health. She has over a decade’s experience in health research, including seven years as the Assistant Director of Canada’s national gender and health research funding institute. Zena co-chairs the board of the Catherine White Holman Wellness Centre, a holistic health care centre for transgender and gender-diverse communities. She served on the board of the Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health from 2013-2015. Zena is the editor of the Lambda Literary award-winning anthology The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2016). The Remedy brings together her love of writing and stories with her commitment to making the world a healthier and more equitable place. Zena co-edited the Lambda Literary award-nominated anthology, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2011), and she's presented on gender, sexuality, and health to audiences across North America. Zena has a PhD in interdisciplinary studies from the University of British Columbia. Her resume also includes party thrower, cabaret host, go-go dancer for a queer punk band, campus radio DJ, and elementary school public speaking champion. Zena is grateful to live and write on the lands of the Musqueam, Sḵwxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples. As a small gesture of thanks for living on their unceded territories, she'll donate half of her royalties from The Remedy to Indigenous-led organizations.
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| Sex Gets Real 170: Diary of a Rope Slut with Emily Bingham | 16 Jul 2017 | 00:59:40 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I know tons of you are either kink lovers or kink curious, so I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this chat with rope expert and rope love Emily Bingham. She recently published an erotic memoir all about her kinky, erotic bondage adventures. It is SUPER hot. So in this episode we talk about how she got into rope, some of the wild things she's done as a rope model and rope lover, and why she decided to write the book. We also geek out about teledildonics and a new strap-on that lets the person wearing the strap-on experience sensation. YES. There are some amazing episodes coming up, too, so stay tuned and enjoy. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episodeEmily's book, "Diary of a Rope Slut" can be found here. About Emily BinghamEmily Bingham is a writer, kinky educator and consent activist. The only thing she loves more than words is rope. Her stories have appeared in a number of erotica anthologies and most recently she published an erotic memoir, Diary of a Rope Slut. When she isn't writing she's teaching folks how to have safe and sexy rope adventures in the bedroom. Follow her at www.emilyerotica.com Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 169: Cheating & healing, a fetish for fabric, & hating come | 09 Jul 2017 | 00:55:40 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. It starts with some listener love from an episode I did around the election last year. Sometimes I feel a little nervous to share political stuff - like the oppression episode and the abortion episode, but I trust you to hold space even if we disagree. I will be having a vendor booth at the Vancouver Dyke March. YAY! Of course, I got love for Amarna Miller's interview in Episode 168 and Ruby Bouie Johnson's polyamory chat on Episode 166. Gavin appreciated Amarna's views on ethical porn and her deliberate choice to share herself on film. Me, too! It's so frustrating to me that we still need to constantly prove to the world that sex workers are people with agency and complex stories. But, I'm grateful it means I get to connect with amazing folks like Amarna and Andre Shakti and Kitty Stryker and Conner Habib... Michelle wanted to know about the fat-friendly wedge pillow I mentioned a few years back. That was the Liberator wedge and I highly recommend it. Jes wrote in with feelings she had about my Orgasmic Meditation episode. Let's make sure we all move into spaces that combine sex with other things like money or spirituality with an open mind and also a healthy dose of skepticism. Abuse is SO easy in these spaces because we're all moving through so much shame. T.S. is struggling with a lot of anger and big feelings. Her friend's dad just cheated on her friend's mom and she doesn't understand why. How can she support her friend and her friend's mom and how can she process her feelings about it? Why do people cheat? I have lots of thoughts, and explore so many of the reasons people might cheat and why it doesn't mean a lack of love, even if it does mean lots of pain and hurt. Ethan gets aroused by screenprinting on t-shirts and clothing. He wonders is this a fetish that others have? Where can he learn more? It's not a fetish, per se, but he gets very turned on by the look and smell and even taste of screenprinted letters. I weigh in. Zak needs help. His wife hates his cum and he wants her to love it. How can he get her to open up to the idea? Also, why doesn't she have any fantasies? I have big thoughts about "making" someone like anything. Instead, how can we create relationships full of openness, vulnerability, and curiosity, so that we can share our desires without feeling judged or like we have to force other people to change? Shout out to Wendy Strgar for developing fantasies. Miss B is worried about the age difference between her and her new partner. They're having AMAZING sex and they're in love, but will there come a time when the age becomes a problem? Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraI am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 168: Porn actress Amarna Miller on ethical porn & polyamory | 02 Jul 2017 | 00:48:21 | |
Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast As for this week's episode? Amarna Miller is here and we talk all about ethical porn and why it's different from feminist porn, why she feels so committed to doing mainstream pornography, polyamory, and Iceland. Amarna also shares why she'd rather talk to a group of sexist men than to a group of like-minded feminists and what it's like to travel to places like Columbia and her home of Spain to talk about feminism and porn. It's a fun, charming episode and I can't wait for you to hear it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episodeErika Lust's films can all be found on EroticFilms.com where you can see Amarna, too! About Amarna MillerAmarna Miller is a 26 year old porn actress, pro-sex activist and writer from Spain. She has a Youtube channel where she talks about pornography, ecology and traveling, among others. Her first book was published two years ago and she is currently working on the second one. Faithful defender of feminism and polyamory, Amarna is graduated in Fine Arts and loves antiques, cats and everything related to the 60s. She considers herself an adrenaline junkie, obsessed with being outside of her comfort zone. She lives in her van and saves time to conquer the world. You can stay in touch with Amarna on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @AmarnaMiller. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 167: Passion in monogamy, sexual pleasure, & lube | 25 Jun 2017 | 01:07:28 | |
Guess what? If you love the show, folks who support on Patreon with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Whew! Let's dive into this week's episode because Wendy Strgar is here from Good Clean Love. We're chatting all about her new book, "Sex That Works," and we also dive into keeping sexual passion alive in monogamy, cultivating sexual freedom and sexual responsibility, what love and healthy relationships look like, the importance of choosing a body-safe lube, and much much more. Ready to go? Let's do it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode"Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel About Wendy StrgarWendy Strgar is author of The New York Times-praised book, SEX THAT WORKS: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. She's also the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a pioneering organic intimacy product company, as well as a relationship expert. She has written for over ten years on the topics of love, sexual health, and positivity. For more information, visit wendystrgar.com and goodcleanlove.com. You can also stay in touch on Twitter @wendystrgar and Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 166: Polyamory as real as it gets with Ruby Bouie Johnson | 18 Jun 2017 | 01:07:29 | |
Guess what? Supporting the show on Patreon is easy AND if you support with just $3 per month, you'll get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast On to this week's show with Ruby Bouie Johnson, the Black Sex Geek herself. This is an episode entirely about polyamory. It's raw and funny, and so so real. This is a no-holds-barred chat about the good, the super bad, and the beautiful parts of poly communities. Ruby talks about how polyamory healed her in deeply personal and liberating ways, but only after expressing some mindblowing thoughts about the sexism, ageism, racism, and oppressive BS that's so common in poly communities around the country. Plus, she shares her thoughts on the folks who are constantly on the hunt for that perfect unicorn and why it's so exhausting as a poly educator to have to field these (typically offensive) requests. It's juicy. It's ugly. It's hysterical. And it will give anyone in or considering a polyamorous dynamic a lot to think about. My biggest take away? That inclusion is NOT a policy or a mission statement. It is a deliverable and it is VISIBLE. You can say you're inclusive all you want but unless you see that reflected in the people who actually participate and attend - unless you see POC and fat bodies and a variety of abilities and disabilities, it's all lip service. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episodeThe New York Times piece on non-monogamy that Ruby wrote about is here. Ruby's response to the NYT piece, 'What the New York Times Neglected to See.' About Ruby Bouie JohnsonRuby Bouie Johnson is a clinical social worker and sex therapist located in Plano, Texas. Ruby’s primary client base are folks who are kinky, in consensual nonmonogamous relationships, queer, lesbian, bisexual, and gay, and sexual challenges. She works with individuals, couples, triads, quads, and polycules with power dynamics within their relationships. Ruby has published in various journals and in the African American Encyclopedia on Criminology. Ruby has presented at Kinky Kollege, Consent Summit, Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians, and will present at the upcoming American Association of Sexologists, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists Conference. Ruby Johnson is a contributor for HuffPo and Black and Poly Magazine. Ruby Johnson is on faculty for the Kink Knowledgeable Program. Mrs. Johnson serves on the board for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. You can stay in touch with Ruby at blacksexgeek.net and on Facebook and Twitter @blacksexgeek. Ruby is also the CEO, Founder, and organizer for PolyDallas Millennium LLC. The 3rd Annual Symposium is July 14-16 in Dallas Texas. You can learn more and register at www.polydallasmillennium.com and also check out the conference's Facebook and Twitter @polydallas2015 Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 165: HPV, becoming a Domme, & anal pain | 11 Jun 2017 | 00:51:29 | |
This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. Dave wrote in with one of the best complimentary emails I've ever received AND threw a few bucks my way on Patreon. Lala just found out she has HPV. She's brand new to dating after divorce and spending many years focusing on her kids, and she wants to know - is her sex life over? Can she find romance and love and great sex if she has HPV? I have so many thoughts, including checking out Ella Dawson and Ashley Manta as rockin' folks to follow who have amazing sex lives while navigating the world with an STI. Lovely J listens to the show with her honey. They can't remember the name of an author I recommended a while back (it was most likely Barbara Carrellas). Also, Lovely J is an inexperienced Dominant and her partner really wants her to dominate them. She's read some books, but how can she get some hands-on practice at being a dominant? My number 1 recommendation is Midori's Forte Femme weekend intensive. It IS possible to be a very effective, very sexy Dominant without it looking like the standard trope of a Domme you see on TV or at kink events. Jude is a white, middle-class woman who is new to learning about sex work. How can she learn more about why people choose sex work and what it's all about? It's critical to turn to sex workers themselves for their stories, for the lived nuance. All my book recommendations to Jude are below in the resources area. Frank wrote in needing help finding a way to get his wife to give him a blowjob. The advice will be disappointing, but it's the best I can offer when it comes to wanting something sexually from another human being. You have to be willing to talk about it - openly and without expectation or pressure. Kacey wants to know how common it is for women to have hair on their faces, cleavage and chest. Hirsutism can be caused by loads of things, and it's relatively common. Plus, there are so many women who are unabashedly embracing their rad beards and body hair and still having amazing sex lives and finding love. The Go Ask Alice article I mention in the episode is linked down below. Finally, K is having an issue with a butt plug. They can have anal sex just fine, but when you use an anal plug, it hurts on the out motion. What can they do? I have some thoughts. Yay butt stuff. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode"Ecstasy is Necessary" by Barbara Carrellas "Urban Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas "Coming Out Like a Porn Star" by Jiz Lee "Truth, Justice, and the American Whore" by Siouxsie Q TheWhoresOfYore.com by Kate Lister Go Ask Alice's response to a woman with a hair issue Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| 287: Darcey Steinke on menopause, changing bodies, & a new way forward | 01 Dec 2019 | 00:55:47 | |
tl;dr Darcey Steinke on menopause, changing bodies, & a new way forward MENOPAUSE! It's a thing loads of us go through that's fraught with misinformation, silence, shame, and PATRIARCHY. So, this week, I'm chatting with author Darcey Steinke about her new book, "Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life". I had a chance to read the book and chat about it with some friends in a queer elders book club I'm in. Darcey and I dive into the ways menopause is vilified by the modern medical industrial complex, the stories we don't have, and what she discovered along the way around pleasure, sex, and changing bodies. We acknowledge that this episode is cis and hetero centric as it's a largely about Darcey's memoir. If you're looking for some resources for other kinds of bodies and genders, head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for a few to check out. You can grab "Flash Count Diary" wherever books are sold. Patreons, don't miss my bonus chat with Darcey just for you! You'll hear a moving story of how and why Darcey found inspiration in killer whales as she moved through menopause and what we can learn about changing bodies from these fierce mammals. It was one of my favorite parts of the book, too! The bonus is for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Darcey Steinke: Darcey Steinke is the author of the memoir Easter Everywhere and five novels: Sister Golden Hair, Milk, Jesus Saves, Suicide Blonde, and Up Through the Water. Her books have been translated into ten languages, and her nonfiction has appeared widely. Her web story “Blindspot” was a part of the 2000 Whitney Biennial. She has been both a Henry Hoyns and a Stegner Fellow, and a Writer-in-Residence at the University of Mississippi. She has taught at the New School, Columbia University School of the Arts, New York University, Princeton, and the American University of Paris. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn. Stay in touch with Darcey at darceysteinke.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 164: Playboy's Bridget Phetasy on orgasmic meditation | 04 Jun 2017 | 00:59:18 | |
This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Bridget Phetasy, Playboy's advice columnist on sex and relationships, is here to talk about her controversial article about orgasmic meditation. We talk about cults, praying on people's sexual shame, boundaries, consent, and the importance of trusting those little feelings that tell you something isn't right even if you desperately want to ignore them. Read Bridget's article over on Playboy to get the full scoop. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episodeBridget mentions the clit cult article, which is this piece by Refinery29. About Bridget PhetasyWhen she’s not penning Playboy.com’s Sex & Dating Column or the Playboy Advisor, you can usually find Bridget interviewing people on her podcast Benched. Once she was dared to do stand-up comedy. It is now her primary reason for getting out of bed. In her free time Bridget wrangles two insane puppies and is working on her humorous self-help book, Seducing Men Is Like Hunting Cows. You can follow Bridget on Twitter @bridgetphetasy and on Facebook, too. Her new podcast, Benched, is on Twitter, too, @benchedpodcast. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 163: Dylan is here talking priest fetishes and oral | 28 May 2017 | 00:50:43 | |
This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Curious about what has Dylan been up to? What's changed in her life? BIG THINGS, but only Patreon supporters will hear the juiciest of juicy details. Dawn talks about moving to Vancouver and watching the latest Four Chambers porn by Vex Ashley while having house guests. Then we field listener questions on nun and priest fetishes, how to eat pussy like a champ (again), and we rage over stealthing - because it's just not OK ever. You can hear round one of Dylan's oral sex tips way back on episode 5, but this is the new updated version after Dylan's latest adventures in pussy eating. Also, yay for the smell of pussy. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn SerraSex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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| Sex Gets Real 162: Abortion like you've never heard it before | 21 May 2017 | 01:13:58 | |
This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. This week's episode is very special to me. I want to thank all of the brave souls who responded to my call for abortion stories. To read their powerful words, visit sexgetsreal.com/ep162. In fact, start there before you dive into this chat with Carol Sanger about her new book, "About Abortion: Terminating Pregnancy in 21st Century America". Abortion can be a ridiculously charged topic in the United States, which is unique among countries with legal abortion. Carol's book is a fascinating and dare I say fun look into the legislation, the imagery, how technology has impacted the conversation, and more than anything focuses on what happens when people in marginalized positions are forced to choose secrecy over privacy. We tie abortion to sex work, kink, polyamory, HIV/AIDS, and of course, to the larger oppressive systems at play in our society like patriarchy and gender role bullshit. Despite the heaviness of abortion, this talk with Carol is delightful - there's intimate moments and several genuine laughs as we dive into all of the terrific research Carol has done and why it's more important than ever that we share our stories. If abortion is a hot topic for you, I invite you to listen and to be patient. The stories, more than anything, are critical for us all to hear and absorb. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episodeCarol mentioned a paper called, "I Would Like to Give My Baby, Like, Everything In the World," which talks about women aborting to protect their children. While this is an academic paper that is not publicly accessible, Slate wrote about the paper here. Lindy West and Amelia Bonow started #ShoutYourAbortion and ShoutYourAbortion.com to share abortion stories. The Rewire book review by Katie Klabusich that Carol mentions in the episode. Check it out here. About Carol SangerCarol Sanger is the Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law at Columbia Law School. She teaches courses on contracts, family law, and others focusing on reproduction, the legal profession, and law and gender. Her recent book About Abortion (Harvard University Press) is centered on the regulation of abortion. You can follow Carol on Twitter @carolsangernyc Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real
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