I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we're going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let's talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don't be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let's find out.

I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what's going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season.

Have you ever felt like you weren't enough in your life? Most people do, but when that feeling creeps into the bedroom, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. Maybe you feel like you will never satisfy your spouse or maybe you're met with "I'll never be enough for you" when sharing your wants and desires. Either way, I know how difficult it can be! So, in this episode, we're going to unpack the phrase "I'll never be enough for you" and explore what's really going on beneath the surface.

Stop settling for bad sex! I talk to a lot of women who just think bad sex is what sex is or that bad sex is better than no sex. This isn't true. You can have a great sex life that is fun for both you and your partner. Listen to this podcast where we talk about what bad sex is and, more importantly, what good sex is. Never settle for bad sex again!

Have you heard the phrase "sex drive"? I'm sure we all have. But in truth, sex isn't a drive, it's a mindset. Why is this important? Because when we think that we need it, or should need it, it becomes a release rather than a way to get closer to our spouse. Listen to this episode to find out what a biological drive actually is, and why it is so important to know that if you don't want sex, you aren't broken.

Sex is NOT a Drive Like Hunger, and Here are 2 Reasons This Fact Matters

Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski

Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch

What is duty sex? Duty sex is when we have sex with our husbands because we "should." Because it is our duty as a good wife. Because he "needs" it. Because we don't want him to look elsewhere for it. Or because we are trying to manage his emotions and behavior with it. We have been convinced that we don't have to want it too. And this simply isn't true! Duty sex is passionless and doesn't create the connection that either of you want. So, how do we stop having duty sex? It isn't an easy process but in this episode, I'll share with you the two steps to take to fix it.

One of the topics I get the most DMs about is female ejaculation. Either women who do it all the time and want to stop or women wanting to know how to do it and everything in between. In this episode, we're talking about female ejaculation, how it works, why we shouldn't be afraid of it, and why it actually is pretty amazing. So, why not give it a try?

She Comes First by Ian Kerner 

Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

Medical News Today

Healthline

I think most of us want to be righteous. We want to do what is right. But where is that line when it comes to sex in our marriages? That's what we're talking about in this episode. Where is that line in the sand is? And which side do you fall on? The answer may surprise you. Have you been thinking you are unrighteous for too long? Listen in!

Do you feel mentally overwhelmed with everything you need to do to take care of your family? With all of the activities, and the doctor's appointments, and the school calendars, not to mention dinner, it gets overwhelming. The answer isn't to "say no more" or "you're doing too much." But what is the answer? Listen to this episode as we talk about how to lighten your load so that you have time to have the wonderful sex life you deserve. 

Fair Play Cards

For many of us, we are better at reading our family's emotions than our own. Why is that and why does it matter? That's the focus of this episode. We talk about the 6 emotional styles that actually disconnect us from those around us. We talk about why we need to feel our emotions and why that can be difficult. Are you ready to really feel your emotions so that you can have a more intimate relationship with your spouse? Let's work on it together.

The 6 Styles of Emotional Disconnection with Alex Howard

Women often come to me wanting me to fix their libido. While I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything better, I can't. Much like an iceberg, a low libido is often just what we see on the surface and what you don't see is what is really causing it. In this episode, I'll share with you 11 things that could be causing your low libido. The good news? Every single one of these is absolutely fixable! You deserve better sex! Let me help.

Silence can be good, if it's a comfortable silence. But when we are uncomfortably silent with our partner, especially in the bedroom, we lose the intimacy that is so important in our relationship. In this episode, I talk about the good and bad of silent sex. I share with you some real life examples of uncomfortable silence during sex and what it does to our relationships. Intimacy issues are one of the biggest reasons women come to me for coaching. Are you lacking intimacy in your relationship?

The Archer and His Rosebud by Mindy Michele

Michele G. Miller

Mindy Hayes

Silent Sex Queen - We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

Orgasm: Pleasure in the Final Frontier -  We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

This is Why Silent Sex is Awesome

Has your partner ever asked what you wanted in bed, or what felt good, or what you wanted to do next, but you had no idea what to tell him? You are not alone. Many of the women I talk to have no idea what they want in the bedroom, or outside the bedroom for that matter, because most of us were raised to put everyone else's needs first. In this podcast episode, let's talk about how to find out what you want in bed. It may just help you in all aspects of your life.

Sources: 

Lifehacker

Verilymag.com

In this episode, we are going to talk about a topic that's all too common but not often discussed—sexual martyrdom in marriage. I'll answer questions like: What does it mean to be a sexual martyr? Why is it detrimental to your relationship and yourself? And how to recognize and shift out of this mindset. Let's find a way to break this cycle!

In this podcast episode, I talk with Andrea Giles. Andrea helps women heal from infidelity in her coaching program. We talked about how to build trust with yourself again after finding out you've been lied to. We talked about how to decide if you should stay or go in your marriage. This is an impactful conversation that I know will help so many of you.

Andrea Giles is a Certified Life Coach who is dedicated to helping women use the trial of marital infidelity to change their lives for the better. She is host of the podcast, "Heal from Infidelity" and  encourages listeners from all over the globe to get up from off the floor and get moving toward the life they most desire.  

She coaches from personal experience and is driven to show her clients that infidelity can be a springboard for massive internal growth and a marriage of peace and joy. 

When Andrea's not coaching, you'll find her enjoying the simple things in life. She loves to read, kayak on the river in her backyard in Montana, play games with her husband and kids, and snuggle her three grandchildren. Andrea is now married to a widower, and they have 12 children between them. Her journey from "there" to here is an inspiring one. She has created powerful healing for herself and wants the same for her clients.

You can find Andrea at:

Her website - www.andreagiles.com

Instagram - @andrea.giles.coaching

Facebook - Andrea Giles Coaching

Do you fear pleasure? You might be saying 'no' but many of my clients do. Think about it. Do you take compliments well? Do you look at others who are pursuing their pleasure and think it's frivolous or inappropriate? It seems paradoxical because we spend so much of our life in the pursuit of happiness. Where does the fear of pleasure come from? For many of us, it comes from our childhood. Children are the epitome of pleasure! But then we're told to not be so loud, or not do that. And our brain begins to subconsciously equate pleasure with danger or even death. Listen to this week's episode to see what you can do about your fear of pleasure. 

Source: 

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.

Wikipedia - Hedonophobia

When we get married, we often think that if we married the "right person," then everything will be easy. This is simply not true. Every relationship takes work. In this episode, we're talking about conscious partnerships. Let's go through the 10 attitudes/behaviors that characterize a conscious partnership. Any relationship worth having is worth working for!

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.

Do you think that your own desires are selfish? Most of us women do. We've been taught this by well meaning people either explicitly or implicitly. While our desires are not more important than anyone else's, they are AS IMPORTANT as anyone else's, including our husband's, our children's, or anyone else in our lives. Listen to this episode to see how life changing it can be when we start to look at how being selfish sometimes is actually a good thing.

Do you remember what it was like when you were dating your husband? Every touch was electric. You felt alive, maybe for the first time. That was eros energy. The life-giving energy. The erotic energy. But now, after a few years and a few kids, do you still feel that way? For most of my clients, the answer is no. They have given up too much of themselves to their marriage and children that they don't even know who they are anymore. Sound familiar? In this episode, let's talk about how you can regain that eros energy. That energy that makes you feel alive! 

The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

There is a Come, Follow Me lesson coming up in the youth program about the Law of Chastity. I feel that we need to be careful when we're teaching our kids about sex to not use the fear or shame-based language that was used when we were taught about the Law of Chastity, because I see the results of that every day when I work with my clients. I know that we as parents and leaders are doing the best we can so I created a lesson plan for the youth leaders to know what to say and what to teach and how to say it in order to break that cycle of shame. I've also created a parent's guide to help you talk about this upcoming lesson beforehand. Sex is great! It's fun! And we want our kids to have that great sexual relationship when they're married. But we also want to give them the information they need to make an empowered choice.

To download the lesson plan and parent guide, go to: www.amandalouder.com/podcast/216/

According to a survey, about 2% of marriages are completely sexless. Or, according to another study, couples are only having sex 10 times a year. Now, if 10 times a year is agreed upon by both parties, then that's great. But what happens when you don't agree on the frequency of sex? In this episode, we're going to take a look at 5 steps to create that intimacy in your marriage again. Passionate marriages take work but it is so worth it!

Sexless Marriage

State of Affairs by Esther Perel

What is a sexless marriage and are you in one?

5 Ways to start fixing your sexless marriage today

My clients often say that they don't communicate well with their husbands, but actually, we as humans are really good at communicating. In fact, only about 7% of communication is verbal. We pick up on the non-verbal cues that our spouses are giving us, and sometimes we don't like what we "hear." So in this podcast, I'm talking to you pursuers out there. (I'm talking directly to the men today, but there are also women who do this too.) The pursuers are the ones who feel like when their wife says no, that just means try harder. You've already caught her since you're married. Are you actually causing her to run when you chase her?

Are you disgusted by the bodily fluids of your partner? Maybe you're disgusted by your own bodily fluids. If so, you are not alone. Many people feel this way. I used to. But did you know that it's a learned response? And if it's learned, that means it can be unlearned. In this podcast, we talk about why we feel bodily fluids are so disgusting and what we can do about that in our relationship. You won't be able to go from "bodily fluids are disgusting" to "anything that comes from the body is good" overnight, but it is possible. 

Sources:

BBC News

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

Pubmed

Has sex become boring for you? Do you not want to have sex? Maybe you're not having sex because there are so many other things that get in the way. So the question becomes, are you not having sex because you don't like it or do you not like the sex you're having? In this episode, we discuss how we can maintain that strong sexual connection throughout our marriage. Because life will get busy and you will be tired, but we'll talk about some ways you can get back that connection again and sustain it this time.

Resources:

Emily Nagoski TedTalk

Ondina Wellness

A while ago, I was at an event with a lot of other women. A woman sat down next to me and asked, "What if the sex is really good, but the rest of the marriage isn't great?" After talking with her about this question for most of the night, I knew this was something I wanted to discuss on the podcast. Why do we use sex as a bandaid? And, more importantly, what can we do to stop it? It may be a temporary fix for the underlying issues, but in the end, it will create distance and resentment in your marriage, which none of us want. We all have used sex as a bandaid before, but let's look at how we can change that habit.

In this episode, I'm talking with Jessica Farmer, a fellow life coach and friend, about how she went from being a peacekeeper to a peacemaker in her life and her marriage. She shared with us when she realized that what she had always been doing, what she thought she should be doing, was not letting her be completely herself. She was able to move from the peacekeeper that she had always been to a peacemaker that let her be who she was inside. Join us for this awesome discussion about how that change has improved everything in her life, including her sex life.

Find Jessica at:

jessicafarmercoaching.com/

@jessicafarmercoaching on Instagram

Podcast: When Marriage Gets Hard

Go to https://jessicafarmercoaching.com/free-video/ to receive free training on  How To Stop Walking On Eggshells In Your Marriage

Are you reluctant to show any affection towards your husband because then he'll want sex and you'll have to give it to him? Maybe you've been told that when your husband has an erection but doesn't have an orgasm, he is in actual pain. What if I told you that this is WRONG! Thinking like this makes women feel like we are just objects to relieve their desires. It doesn't need to be that way. (And guys, women get this too.) Listen to this episode to find out the truth about blue balls and blue beans!

RESOURCES:

Medical News Today

Daily Orange

Priority Mens Medical

One of the questions I see the most in Facebook groups I follow is, "How do I know if my partner is turned on?" But I think that what they really want to know is the opposite. They want to know why their partner isn't showing the outward signs of arousal like an erection or wetness. Let's talk about what some studies have found about the difference between men and women when it comes to how our bodies react to stimuli and how our brain reacts. Because, as with most things, they are very different. 

Sources:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagasaki

Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

We've all heard the phrase, "Happy Wife, Happy Life," but my guest today, Glenn Lovelace, says that's a lie. Listen to this episode to find out why he thinks it's a lie and what we need to do in our marriages instead so that we can both be happy and fulfilled. 

It's great to have Glenn on to give us the men's perspective on marriage. Both you and your husband will enjoy this one!

You can find Glenn Lovelace at:

Website: www.glennlovelace.com

Instagram: @itsyourwingman

I recently watched a 'horse whisper' do a lay down with a horse. If you've never seen this process, it is amazing! But unlike horses, who constantly think, "Am I safe?" and look for things outside themselves to make them safe, we humans can find safety within. And when we feel that inner safety, then we can really open up to our partner and enjoy sex and our sexuality in a way that we haven't before. Listen to this episode to see what it looks like when we don't feel safe, what it looks like when we do, and what we can do to change it.

I get asked a lot about the rules of sex before marriage when you're adult. Are they the same as when you're a teenager? The answer is harder than a simple yes or no. As adults, it is more nuanced than that. Listen to this episode to find out how integrity should drive your decisions whether you are 16 or 46 and how that can make you more happy than if you just do what you "should."

I get asked a lot about how to talk to kids and teens about sex. Unfortunately, I can't make it less awkward for you, though if you're comfortable with your own sexuality first, that can help, but I can give you some points to make so that you and your child know exactly what sex is and what to think about when they want to have it. My hope for you is that this discussion can bring you and your child closer together rather than farther apart when it comes to sex, even if they choose to follow a different value system than your own.

The Harvey Institute

In part 2 of my interview with Allen Turner, let's talk about kink and BDSM. I know those can be scary words, even Allen admits to being put off by the terms at first, but when you get down to it, they really are quite freeing. If you're ready to embrace something different in the bedroom, and find out why it's ok, this is the episode for you. I know this one will spark a great discussion between you and your spouse!

Latter Day Kink Facebook Group

In this episode, I'm interviewing Allen Turner about what women really want in bed. Allen shares his perspective as a man, a life-long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and as someone who has done a lot of research into kink and BDSM. Whether you're a man or a woman, this is a great episode to listen to in order to improve your sexual encounters. 

And this is just the first part of a 2 part series so don't miss the next episode.

Let's talk hormones and what your hormones are doing to you sex drive! With my special guest, Ashlee Sorensen, we talk everything hormones and what we can expect as we age and what we can do about it. Did you know that unlike men, women never age out of sex? Pretty good news, right? Listen for more great information about hormones and sex.

Ashlee is a Menstrual and Hormone Coach and loves teaching women how to have optimal hormone health including painless periods, no PMS, and a seamless transition into menopause. Her passion is educating women on how to use their hormones to maximize everything from nutrition to sexual health. Ashlee believes that for far too long women have been taught that their hormones are a problem or a weakness. Her message to women is that your hormones are not a problem, they are the solution to everything you want. Your hormones are what make you so amazing!

Julva Cream

Ashlee Sorensen's Instagram

Exercise and Hormones Masterclass

Cycle Strategy 101

A Bit Better Everyday Podcast

Click this link to find a Functional Practitioner in your area

In this episode, we're tackling a delicate and crucial topic: managing your spouse's sexuality. What does this mean? Why do people do it? How does it affect both higher desire and lower desire partners? Why isn't it the best approach? We'll answer all of these questions and more. This one may surprise you. Take a listen.

What comes to mind when you think about the word purity? I am a big believer that words matter so in this episode, let's talk about what purity actually means and what that definition, which is different than what you think it is, is doing to your relationship with yourself and your sex life. It's time to break free of the purity culture that many of us were raised in and see ourselves and our sexuality as it really is!

In this episode, I'm talking with my friend and fellow coach Jill Freestone about Eve. Throughout time, Eve has been almost vilified for her choice to eat the fruit. Let's change those thoughts today and really look at who Eve was and what we can learn from her. Jill's perspective is so thought provoking and just feels right. You will love this one!

We've often heard the scripture from Moses 7:18 that talks about how the Lord called his people Zion because they were of one heart and one mind. We think of Zion as a people, but as I often do when I'm studying my scriptures, I thought of my podcast listeners and clients as I read these words. What if we look at wanting Zion in our marriages? How do we do that? Listen to this episode and be more intentional about being of one heart and one mind. But I will tell you, it does take work.

You may be wondering what sex has to do with sleep. A lot. Quality sleep can promote a better sex life, and a healthy sex life can facilitate improved sleep. So why are we still so tired and sex deprived? In this episode, I talk about why we are sleep deprived and what we can do to improve our sleep AND our sex life at the same time. I don't know who decided that the only time we can have sex is at night when we're exhausted but they were wrong. Listen to find out what else we may be wrong about when it comes to sex and sleep.

I've recently been studying Genesis in the Bible. I feel like I've gotten a whole new perspective on the Creation story and Adam and Eve. As I read these scriptures, I kept thinking about my clients, my coaching, and my listeners. Though this episode may be formatted a little bit differently than you're used to, I want to share with you what I've learned about how Adam and Eve and the Creation can help you in your marriage. You may look at it a little differently when you're done.

Is it possible to be sexual and spiritual? Of course it is! Sexuality is a God-given part of us and if we deny that part, we will never be truly whole. Becoming whole means accepting and developing your sexuality and eroticism as a vital part of your mortal existence.  This means instead of shutting down your sexuality constantly you need to work on developing it in a way that blesses your life as an individual and blesses your marriage. Listen to this episode to find out how.

We have all been told the lie that men need sex and in our Conservative Christian value system and monogamy, it is the wife's responsibility to fulfill that need because he can't go outside the marriage to fulfill it. Thinking of sex as a need is problematic in marriages. In this episode, we discuss all of the many facets that affect your marriage when you look at sex as a need. I want to talk to you men and you women out there. This is something we can change!

Let's talk about role playing! It can bring a lot of excitement, fun, fantasy, and of course some intimidation and awkwardness, especially in the beginning. We'll talk about why you want to role play in the bedroom and how to start in this episode. It may be awkward at first, but if you give it a little time it could be really great!

If you want some ideas or even some scripts, you can find them online or in books.  

Sexy Roleplaying Scripts: Straight Couples Edition

101 Nights of Great Sex

There are also websites where you can purchase scripts.  

Make Sex More Fun

Subscription Box

TheFantasyBox.com

Have you ever noticed that when you're told not to do something, that's all you want to do? This is called the Forbidden Fruit Effect. We are all born with a natural curiosity that turns into boundary pushing as adolescents. But if we never pushed the boundaries, we would never grow. What does this have to do with sex? A lot! Listen to this episode to see how this Forbidden Fruit Effect can help your sex life in your marriage, not hurt it.

I get so many questions from my clients about waxing. So, this week, we're speaking with Zoey Jolley all about it. Zoey is a licensed esthetician and she is going to answer all of your questions. Have you ever wondered why you should wax instead of shave? What a bikini wax is versus a Brazilian? What should you not do before and after waxing? We have the answers for you in this episode!

You can find Zoey at:

FaceBook - Essential Esthetics by Zoey - https://www.facebook.com/eebyzoey

Instagram -  https://instagram.com/zoeyjolley

Website - www.eebyzoey.com

When it comes to life, our perception is our reality. And these perceptions also shape our sexual relationships. Unfortunately, we often look at these perceptions as facts rather than realizing that they are an interpretation of facts. So, in this episode, we are going to talk about our perceptions, how they are shaped, and what those perceptions create in our sexual relationship. I specifically talk about the perceptions that we have around being the lower desire partner or the higher desire partner and our spouse in their role as well. Let's talk about why it's good to be aware of our perceptions and try to change them in some instances.

Do you trust others? Your spouse? Your friends? Your co-workers? Your children? If trusting others is hard for you, maybe you don't trust yourself. Trusting yourself is the first step to trusting those around you. Why don't you trust yourself? Listen to this episode to find out why and what you can do about it.

Do you desire sex? If you said no, why is that? Is it because you have lost your desire completely or is it because you aren't giving yourself enough space to have that desire? In this episode, I look at the reasons why you no longer feel the desire for sex that you did when you were first married. And the answer to how to get that back may be a bit surprising because it really all comes down to one thing.

We all fake orgasms every once in a while, right? Studies show that 80% of women have faked an orgasm one time in their relationship. Why? In this episode, I talk about why we as women feel like we need to fake orgasms and why we might want to rethink that. Is it time for a tough discussion with your husband? Listen to find out!

Untamed by Glennon Doyle