Explore every episode of the podcast Sex and Psychology Podcast

In the previous episode, we went behind the scenes of film and television to explore how intimacy coordinators help create authentic, safe, and compelling intimate scenes. But the lessons from this profession extend far beyond Hollywood. In this episode, we’re bringing those lessons into the bedroom to explore how they can help us build healthier, hotter, and more connected sex lives.

I am joined once again by Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Level II certified intimacy coordinator with years of experience in erotic media and sex-positive storytelling. Through her work with SNCTM, Laura curates experiences that are culturally relevant, artistically elevated and rooted in clear boundaries, consent, and discretion.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How can planning sex create more intimacy and chemistry?
• What can intimacy coordinators teach us about consent and communication?
• How can couples communicate their boundaries more effectively?
• How can people stay present during sex instead of overthinking?
• What should people know before recreating a favorite movie sex scene?

You can check out Laura’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Soaking Wet from VB Health is the world’s first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. It’s a doctor formulated blend of prebiotics, probiotics, and vitamins specifically designed to restore balance and increase lubrication. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sex scenes have been part of film and television for decades, but the way they’re created has changed dramatically. Today, many productions rely on intimacy coordinators to help choreograph intimate scenes while fostering safety, collaboration, and creativity on set. In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on this fascinating profession to explore how intimate scenes are actually made.

My guest is Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Level II certified intimacy coordinator with years of experience in erotic media and sex-positive storytelling. Through her work with SNCTM, Laura curates experiences that are culturally relevant, artistically elevated and rooted in clear boundaries, consent, and discretion.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How did intimacy coordinators become part of film and television?
• What does an intimacy coordinator do from pre-production to filming?
• Why can choreographed intimacy create better chemistry?
• What kinds of scenes require an intimacy coordinator?
• What qualifies someone to work as an intimacy coordinator?

You can check out Laura’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Soaking Wet from VB Health is the world’s first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. It’s a doctor formulated blend of prebiotics, probiotics, and vitamins specifically designed to restore balance and increase lubrication. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why do some people need emotional connection to feel desire, while others are more responsive to novelty, touch, or fantasy? And why can the exact same sexual experience feel exciting one day and flat the next? In this episode, we explore the five dimensions of desire and how understanding your arousal architecture can transform your sex life.

I am joined once again by Kayna Cassard, a sex therapist, painful sex specialist, certified trauma therapist, and author of the book Arousal, Answered: An Expert’s Guide to Authentic Pleasure and Liberating Sex. Her mission is to help others liberate themselves from outdated sexual scripts and empower them to rewrite their authentic sexual narratives.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What is the Arousal Architecture, and what does it reveal about desire?
• How do the five dimensions of arousal shape sexual desire?
• How can arousal needs shift across relationships and situations?
• How can understanding your arousal architecture improve your sex life?
• How do we separate what genuinely turns us on from what we think should turn us on?

You can visit Kayna’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

As many as 1 in 5 adults have visited an erotic camsite. However, the appeal of these sites goes far beyond sexual gratification. A new study of camsite users finds that they are often looking for emotional connection and fulfillment, too. But are they actually finding it? In today’s show, we’re diving into the data and exploring whether intimacy is really an experience that can be commodified.

I’m joined once again by Ellen Kaufman, a Senior Research Associate at the Kinsey Institute. Her research focuses on the intersection of sexuality and technology, exploring how our relationships and overall sexual and emotional wellbeing are shaped by new modalities of connection.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How is a camsite different from a traditional porn site?
• Who are the primary visitors of camsites?
• To what extent do users feel emotional bonds with cam models?
• Can we develop authentic intimacy in a transactional setting?

You can check out the website for the VIBES research team to learn more about Ellen’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

A bad mattress can ruin your intimate life. If you want to upgrade your sleep, check out Brooklyn Bedding, where you can try a 120-night comfort trial. Go to brooklynbedding.com and use my promo code JUSTIN at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. 

If you’re ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost.  Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Everyone is talking about how artificial intelligence (AI) is going to fundamentally change almost every aspect of our lives, and that includes our intimate lives. So in today’s show, we’re going to explore the impact that AI is already having on the world of dating and relationships and whether it’s helping or hurting our chances of finding lasting love.

I am joined by Ellen Kaufman, a Senior Research Associate at the Kinsey Institute. Her research focuses on the intersection of sexuality and technology, exploring how our relationships and overall sexual and emotional wellbeing are shaped by new modalities of connection.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How many singles are currently using AI to boost their dating odds?
• In what ways are people using AI to help them date?
• Is AI going to ruin dating or make it better?
• How many people have sought an AI romantic companion?
• What’s the appeal of an AI companion? Can AI actually provide emotional fulfillment?

You can check out the website for the VIBES research team to learn more about Ellen’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re looking for a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost by VB Health. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

A bad mattress can be bad for your intimate life. If you want to upgrade your sleep, check out Brooklyn Bedding, where you can try a 120-night comfort trial. Go to brooklynbedding.com and use my promo code JUSTIN at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A lot of the advice we hear about setting boundaries is just plain wrong. So in today’s show, we’re going to explore what you need to know about setting healthy boundaries. We’re also going to discuss why boundaries aren’t just important in our romantic and sexual relationships, but in all of the other relationships we have in our lives, too.

I am joined once again by KC Davis, the bestselling author of How to Keep House While Drowning. A licensed therapist, she is the creator of the popular Struggle Care website and Instagram, and the Domestic Blisters TikTok. Her latest book is titled Who Deserves Your Love: How To Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What do people often get wrong about setting boundaries?
• How can you establish and communicate about your boundaries more effectively?
• How do we navigate feelings of hurt when it comes to boundary setting?
• What’s the problem with being a people-pleaser?
• How can we maintain boundaried relationships with someone who’s underfunctioning?

You can check out KC’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Be sure to register for the Sex and Aging Symposium, which will take place on October 4, 2025.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Are good relationships supposed to be easy or hard? Is codependency inherently bad? Do you really need to love yourself before you can accept love from others? In today’s show, we’re talking about common things that people get wrong about romantic relationships.

I am joined by KC Davis, the bestselling author of How to Keep House While Drowning. A licensed therapist, she is the creator of the popular Struggle Care website and Instagram, and the Domestic Blisters TikTok. Her latest book is titled Who Deserves Your Love: How To Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why do we need to think differently about codependency?
• Are romantic relationships really more valuable than non-romantic ones?
• How do we walk the tightrope of not demanding too much, but not asking for too little in our relationships?
• In relationships, how can you tell the difference between screw-ups, mistreatment, and abuse?
• Why do people often take good relationship advice and apply it incorrectly?

You can check out KC’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/hot-summer

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In today’s show, we’re exploring how kink and BDSM can potentially be therapeutic to persons with ADHD. Research finds that kink can help provide a supportive dynamic to people with ADHD through addressing sensory integration needs and cultivating an environment that reduces distractions and enhances attentional focus.

I am joined once again by Dr. Leann Borneman, a licensed clinical social worker, AASECT certified sex therapist, professor, and clinical sexology researcher. She specializes in the intersection of ADHD, relationships, and sexuality. Leann runs the podcast ADHD Realities and is currently writing a book on ADHD and low sexual desire.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• In what ways can kink enhance sex for persons with ADHD?
• How can BDSM help people who might have sensory sensitivities?
• In what ways can scene negotiation help people with ADHD in terms of attention management?
• Why is there a link between neurodivergence and kinky interests more broadly?
• What can all of us learn from kinksters in terms of having better sex?

You can check out Leann’s website to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

Join leading researchers and experts for insightful presentations and discussions on the evolving landscape of sex and aging at the Kinsey Institute Sex and Aging Symposium on October 4. Both online and in-person attendance options are available. 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

How does ADHD affect women’s sexual and romantic relationships? In this episode, we’ll explore some of the most common issues that come up in the bedroom for women with ADHD, the problem with only relying on medication to help, as well as what women with ADHD and their partners need to know about cultivating supportive environments that are more conducive to pleasure.

I am joined by Dr. Leann Borneman, a licensed clinical social worker, AASECT certified sex therapist, professor, and clinical sexology researcher. She specializes in the intersection of ADHD, relationships, and sexuality. Leann runs the podcast ADHD Realities and is currently writing a book on ADHD and low sexual desire.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How common is it for women to have ADHD?
• Why is ADHD typically diagnosed so much later in women than men?
• What are the most common sex problems that women with ADHD experience?
• What is “executive dysfunction” and how does it contribute to low desire?
• What are some ways women with ADHD can approach sex so that it works with their brains, and not against them?

You can check out Leann’s website to learn more about her.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/july-justin

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Let’s talk about dick pics. A lot of guys send these without even asking. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the data and explore how many men have ever sent an unsolicited dick pic and why, how these photos are perceived by recipients, as well as what you need to know about sexting if you really want to connect with someone.

My guests today are Dr. Cory Pederson and Amanda Champion. Cory is the Lab Director and Principal Investigator of the ORGASM Lab. She also teaches human sexuality courses at Kwantlen Polytechnic University (KPU). Amanda is a doctoral student in the school of criminology at Simon Fraser University and a faculty member in the Department of Psychology at KPU. Cory and Amanda have studied the science of dick pics and are going to be discussing the details of a new study they completed in collaboration with MANSCAPED®.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How many people have ever received an unsolicited dick pic?
• What kind of reaction are people who send unsolicited dick pics hoping for?
• What platforms are men typically sending these photos on?
• How often are these photos perceived positively versus negatively?
• If you’re thinking about sending a dick pic to someone, what do you need to know?

You can check out the work of the ORGASM Lab on their website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The view that porn is inherently harmful seems to be growing. Porn is increasingly described as “addictive” and as a threat to public health. But is this actually true? In today’s show, we’re revisiting an important conversation from the archives in which we explore the truth about how porn affects people.

My guest is Dr. Nicole Prause, a licensed psychologist and sex researcher who founded the sexual biotechnology company Liberos. She is a former Kinsey Institute trainee and has published an extensive body of research on the neuroscience and psychophysiology of sex. She is currently a scientist at the University of California, Los Angeles in the Department of Medicine.

Some of the specific questions we explore in this episode include:

• What counts as porn? And how do you measure porn use on surveys when different people have different definitions of it?
• Why are there so many discrepant findings about pornography’s effects in the research?
• Why shouldn’t we think of porn as addictive? How should we think about it instead?
• When people identify porn as a problem in their lives, is porn per se really the issue or is there usually something else going on?
• In what ways can porn potentially have positive effects on people?

Learn more about Nicole by following her at @NicoleRPrause over on X and or Bluesky.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we began a fascinating conversation about the long history of human interest in kink and BDSM. Today, we’re diving deeper into the subject and discussing how major cultural events have played a role in shaping kinky interests. We’re also going to talk about how kink and BDSM have been portrayed in the media and some of the controversies around how it has been presented.

I am joined once again by author, historian, and journalist Peter Tupper. He runs the History of BDSM blog and wrote the book A Lover’s Pinch: A Cultural History of Sadomasochism.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How did WWII influence BDSM practices and communities?
• What’s the historical connection between BDSM and fascist politics?
• How are kink and BDSM represented in popular media?
• How do we balance making representations of minority sexualities accessible without over-relying on stereotypes?

You can check out Peter’s book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey hit the scene, it seems as though kink and BDSM have become ubiquitous in popular media. But here’s the thing: just because kink went mainstream in the last decade or so doesn’t mean that it’s new. In fact, the roots of BDSM trace back centuries. And the history behind it is fascinating, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.

I am joined by author, historian, and journalist Peter Tupper. He runs the History of BDSM blog and wrote the book A Lover’s Pinch: A Cultural History of Sadomasochism.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How far back in human history does interest in BDSM go?
• When we look back through history, how do we know whether something actually reflects BDSM as we know it today?
• What is the role of religion in the history of BDSM?
• Where did the term “sadomasochism” come from?
• How have views on BDSM changed over time?

You can check out Peter’s book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/july-justin

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A lot of people think that if you’re attracted to someone, arousal should just naturally happen. But it’s not that simple. In this episode, we explore the science of sexual arousal, the many pathways through which desire can emerge, and how stress, trauma, burnout, and major life experiences can reshape our relationship with pleasure.

My guest is Kayna Cassard, a sex therapist, painful sex specialist, certified trauma therapist, and author of the book Arousal, Answered: An Expert’s Guide to Authentic Pleasure and Liberating Sex. Her mission is to help others liberate themselves from outdated sexual scripts and empower them to rewrite their authentic sexual narratives.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How can understanding the brain unlock more pleasure?
• Why is desire more complex than spontaneous vs. responsive?
• What role do stress, safety, and connection play in arousal?
• Why is it so hard to stay present during sex?
• How can becoming more embodied enhance desire?

You can visit Kayna’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Men’s sexuality is often described as being pretty simple. Sex is seen as being easy for guys because they’re always in the mood and sex is just a physical thing for them. The reality of male sexuality, however, is far more complicated, and we’re not doing anyone any favors by oversimplifying it. So in this episode, we’re going to dive into common myths about male sexuality.

In today’s show, we’re revisiting one of my favorite conversations from the archives, my interview with Cam Fraser which originally aired in episode 255.  Cam is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher.

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

• Where did this idea that men are “simple” and women are “complex” when it comes to sex come from?
• How do attractiveness standards affect men when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships?
• What do men who are anxious about their penis size need to know?
• Are men always supposed to be aroused and ready for sex?
• To what degree is sex emotional vs. physical for men?

You can check out Cam’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One in five couples report that porn has become a problem in their relationship. So why is porn such a common source of conflict, and what can we do about it? In today’s show, we’re going to explore how many people in relationships use porn, what fights about porn are really about, as well as how to resolve issues with porn in relationships.

I am joined once again by Ashley Weller. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s your Position which tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why do so many couples fight about porn?
• Are fights about porn a symptom of a deeper issue?
• Why is porn mostly an issue heterosexual, monogamous relationships but not so much in queer and non-monogamous relationships?
• How can we use porn in healthy ways in relationships?
• How can you have more productive conversations about porn with your partner?

You can learn more about Ashley and check out What’s your Position here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/july-justin

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

How many people have you had sex with? In other words, what’s your “body count?” In this episode, we’re going to dive into the data. We’ll discuss the average number of sexual partners people report having, why men consistently report higher body counts than women, as well as why people seem to place so much emphasis on body count in the first place.

I am joined by Ashley Weller. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. She also has a podcast called What’s your Position that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Is there a better phrase than “body count” that we can use when referring to the number of partners we’ve had?
• What’s the average body count among adults today, and how has it changed over time?
• How does body count differ across gender?
• What are people really asking when they inquire about body count?
• Does body count actually tell you anything about someone else’s sexual health or competence?

You can follow Ashley and check out What’s your Position here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

You’ve probably heard the phrase before that “nice guys finish last.” But is there any truth to it? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. We’re going to discuss how being overly agreeable has the potential to diminish sex appeal, while also interfering with one’s own sexual pleasure. As my guest today likes to say, nice guys need to learn how to say no sometimes.

I am joined once again by Caitlin V, a sex and relationship coach specializing in helping men overcome sexual difficulties. With over 150MM views on YouTube and nearly a million subscribers, she has become a leading voice in the field. Her TV show, Good Sex, is available for streaming now on Discovery+ and Max.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What does being a “nice guy” actually mean?
• Do nice guys really finish last when it comes to sex and dating?
• How do you walk the line between being confident and assertive in the bedroom without venturing into entitlement?
• How can men start to embrace their sexual desires more authentically?

You can check out Caitlin’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If you want to get better at sex, what do you need to know? In today’s show, we’re talking all about how men can become better lovers, including how to build sexual confidence, how to deal with performance pressure, as well as tips and tricks for improving your sexual technique.

My guest today is Caitlin V, a sex and relationship coach specializing in helping men overcome sexual difficulties. With over 150MM views on YouTube and nearly a million subscribers, she has become a leading voice in the field. Her TV show, Good Sex, is available for streaming now on Discovery+ and Max.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are some things men can do to cultivate their sexual confidence?
• How can men focus more on pleasure instead of getting fixated on performance?
• How can changing up your masturbation routine help when it comes to having better partnered sex?
• What are some ways you can get better at using your hands during sex?

You can check out Caitlin’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray, as well as their Volume + Taste Enhancer. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

“Slut” is a powerful term that has historically been used as an indictment of women’s moral character. And as my guest today explains, as long as terms like this retain their power, we’re never going to have true gender equality in the bedroom. She argues that it’s well past time to reclaim the word slut once and for all, so let’s talk about it.

I am joined once again by Dr. Hilary Caldwell, a sex worker, author, academic, and sexologist. Her bold political memoir, Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-Free Sexuality, challenges the enduring impact of slut shaming and argues for a world in which everyone can pursue pleasure without fear, stigma, or coercion.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does it mean to reclaim the world “slut,” and why is it important?
• Why is reclaiming sexual slurs controversial?
• What does it really mean to be sexually empowered?
• How can we become more sexually empowered?

You can check out Hilary’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There’s a surprising amount of anti-masturbation content on social media, much of it suggesting that masturbation is bad for your health. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into whether abstaining from masturbation actually boosts testosterone, whether you can really become “addicted” to masturbating, what science says about the purported health benefits of semen retention, and more.

In this episode, we’re revisiting a conversation with Dr. Eric Sprankle, which originally aired back in episode 275. Dr. Sprankle is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He’s also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, as well as author of the book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why is the concept of semen retention increasingly popular?
• Are there any health benefits to abstaining from ejaculation?
• Is an orgasm obtained from self-pleasure really any different from an orgasm obtained through partnered sex?
• Can women become “addicted” to their vibrators?
• Is there an objective standard for what constitutes “too much” masturbation?

You can check out Eric’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin. 

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Men are much more likely to report having paid for sex than women; however, there are probably more women paying for sex than we think. In today’s show, we’re going to do a deep dive into the world of women who pay for sex. We’ll be exploring what their experiences are like, why some women see paying for sex as being safer than having casual sex, and more.

My guest is Dr. Hilary Caldwell, a sex worker, author, academic, and sexologist. Her bold political memoir, Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-Free Sexuality, challenges the enduring impact of slut shaming and argues for a world in which everyone can pursue pleasure without fear, stigma, or coercion.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why is there less research on women who pay for sexual services relative to men?
• How common is it for women to have paid for sex before?
• Why do some women who patronize sex workers don’t consider themselves to have bought sex?
• What are some of the main motivations for women to purchase sexual services?
• What are women’s experiences with purchasing sex like? Do they tend to feel stigmatized?

You can check out Hilary’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Imagine you just met an attractive stranger and want to strike up a conversation. What are you going to say? More often than not, people play it safe and stick to small talk, but that makes it hard to really connect with someone. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss tips for moving beyond the small talk and establishing deeper, more authentic connections, as well as tips for improving sexual communication.

I am joined once again by Lindsay Jill Roth, an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally. She is also author of the new book Romances & Practicalities, which is based on a set of 250 research-backed questions designed to help you initiate tricky conversations and find lasting love.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are we doing wrong when it comes to getting to know others?
• How can we ask more meaningful questions to people we’re romantically interested in?
• What are some other good conversation starters for getting to know someone?
• How do you normalize conversations about sex with a new partner?
• How can talking about sex outside of the bedroom help us in the bedroom?

You can check out Lindsay’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The way that many of us are approaching romantic relationships is all wrong. We’re not prioritizing the things that really matter when selecting our partners. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about the conversations you need to be having with a potential partner in order to develop deeper connections and establish long-term compatibility.

My guest is Lindsay Jill Roth, an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally. She is also author of the new book Romances & Practicalities, which is based on a set of 250 research-backed questions designed to help you initiate tricky conversations and find lasting love.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What are we doing wrong when it comes to selecting relationship partners?
• How can being more pragmatic in your approach to relationships help to build a stronger foundation for love?
• Why is money management a vital issue to discuss with a potential partner?
• Beyond finances, what are some other key topics we should be discussing?
• How do you initiate conversations about topics that many people are uncomfortable discussing?

You can check out Lindsay’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When people hear about “out-of-control” sexual behavior, they tend to think of men. But women can struggle with it too, and their experiences have often been overlooked or misunderstood because most of the research and treatment models were built around male experiences. Today, we’re exploring the psychology of out-of-control sexual behavior in women, and what people often get wrong about it.

I am joined once again by Jess Levith, a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She’s fully trained in both attachment-focused EMDR therapy and trauma-focused acceptance and commitment therapy, works with LGBTQQIA+ and kinky folks, consensual non-monogamy, women’s sexual health, and out-of-control sexual behavior.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What do we misunderstand about women’s experiences with problematic sexual behavior?
• How do you distinguish between a high sex drive and sexual behavior that truly feels out of control?
• How do clinicians separate genuine sexual dysregulation from sexual shame?
• How does out-of-control sexual behavior differ in women and men?
• If someone feels their sexual behavior is out of control, where should they start in seeking help?

You can follow Jess on Instagram to stay updated about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beduc.at/pd2624-lehmiller

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In today’s show, we’re talking about a new way of treating women’s most common sexual problems. My guest co-developed an online sexual health platform called eSense that’s designed to bring evidence-based treatment for low sexual desire and arousal to the masses at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. It could very well be a game-changer in the way we treat sex problems.

I am joined once again by Dr. Lori Brotto, an internationally recognized leader in sexual health research. She is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, a Registered Psychologist, and Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health. She is also author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and how can it help in treating problems with desire and arousal?
• How can mindfulness-based therapy be useful in cases of low sexual desire?
• How does the eSense platform leverage both CBT and mindfulness training to treat sexual difficulties?
• How effective is therapy administered online compared to things like face-to-face therapy and pharmaceuticals?
• How will technologies like artificial intelligence and virtual reality change sex therapy in the future?

You can check out Lori’s website to learn more about her work, and you can learn more about eSense at esense.health.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The most common sexual problems that women experience center around low sexual desire and/or difficulty becoming aroused, formally known as female sexual interest/arousal disorder. In today’s show, we’re doing a deep dive into what this disorder looks like, where it comes from, and why it seems so hard for women to access treatment for it.

I am joined by Dr. Lori Brotto, an internationally recognized leader in sexual health research. She is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, a Registered Psychologist, and Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health. She is also author of the book Better Sex Through Mindfulness.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What is “female sexual interest/arousal disorder?” How is it clinically defined?
• How common is this disorder?
• What do we know about its causes? Is it physical, psychological, or a bit of both?
• Why does it take an average of 5 years for women to access treatment for sexual desire and arousal problems?
• Why is it so hard to develop drugs and medications that stimulate sexual desire?

You can check out Lori’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The number of adult virgins is growing and is actually at a record high. Many of these folks would like to be having sex, but cannot find a partner. In other words, they are involuntarily celibate, or “incels” for short. So what do we know about these individuals? A deeper look at the psychology of incels reveals a group that is struggling with complex mental health issues.

In today’s episode, we’re revising my conversation with William Costello, which originally aired back in episode 133. This conversation will probably surprise you because it turns out that incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. Incels aren’t new either—they’ve actually always been around, but changes in the modern dating market seem to be creating a lot of more of them.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different.
• Why the incel population is growing.
• Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful.
• What the mental health of incels looks like.
• Whether incels are inherently prone to violence and misogyny.

You can check out William’s body of research on ResearchGate. You can also read his latest paper on incels here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If you want to maintain your sexual function and wellbeing, it’s important to pay attention to your pelvic floor! In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how to keep your pelvic floor in shape and resolve common problems with it. It turns out that optimizing your pelvic floor can help with a wide range of issues, from dealing with painful sex to having more (and better) orgasms.

I am joined once again by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How do you know whether Kegel exercises are right for you, and how do you do them correctly?
• Why is learning pelvic floor relaxation just as important as strengthening?
• What are some things we can do in everyday life to improve pelvic health?
• How can pelvic floor training help relieve sexual pain?
• What are some of the other benefits of pelvic floor training?

You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The pelvic floor is a really important set of muscles that plays a big role in sexual and reproductive function. However, most people don’t know much about it, including common signs that they might have a problem. In today’s show, I am joined by the “Vagina Whisperer” to discuss what you need to know about the pelvic floor

I am joined by Sara Reardon, a board-certified pelvic floor physical therapist and founder of The V-Hive, an online, on-demand pelvic floor fitness platform. She is author of the new book FLOORED: A Woman’s Guide to Pelvic Floor Health at Every Age and Stage.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What exactly is the pelvic floor, and what are the main functions of it?
• How common are pelvic floor problems?
• What are some of the most common signs that you might have a pelvic floor issue?
• Why so do many medical professionals seem unprepared to help with pelvic floor issues?
• What happens when pelvic floor issues go untreated long-term?

You can check our Sara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When women have sex with men, there’s an orgasm gap. However, this gap disappears when women have sex with other women. So why is that? In today’s show, we’re diving into some new research finding that women anticipate sex is going to follow a very different script based on the gender of their partner. It turns out that those scripts have big implications for their odds of orgasm.

I am joined once again by Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why do women have more orgasms when they engage sexually with other women?
• In what ways do women’s sexual expectations change when they have sex with women vs. men?
• How can we mold our sexual scripts to support more equitable pleasure for women?
• How can we change sex education to better support women’s pleasure?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.

My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?
• Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?
• What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?
• How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?
• How do we close the orgasm gap?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like you and your partner were slipping into the roles of parent and child? In today’s show, we’re going to discuss common signs that you might be in a parentified relationship. We’re also going to discuss how parentification impacts sexual and relationship quality, as well as how to break this pattern.

I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How do you know if you’re in a parentified relationship?
• What are some common relationship dynamics that contribute to parentification?
• How do early childhood experiences affect the relationship roles we take on?
• How does parentification contribute to relationship stress and burnout?
• Is it possible to change a parentified dynamic, or to prevent it from taking hold in the first place?

You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

At some point, almost everyone in a long-term relationship is going to wonder, “What happened to my sex life?” Where did the initial passion and excitement go? In today’s show, we’re going to explore why desire, pleasure, and connection often decline in relationships, as well as how you can get it back.

I am joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. She is author of the new book What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Does a loss of passion necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship?
• What can you do if you feel like you and your partner have become roommates instead of lovers?
• How can being too close to your partner hurt desire?
• How can addressing anger and resentment in healthy ways open the door to more desire?
• What do you need to know about moving past trauma and opening yourself up to pleasure again?

You can check out the Modern Intimacy website to learn more about Kate’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-may 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the last episode, we talked about patients who fall in love with their therapists. Today, we’re taking about the flip side of things: when therapists develop sexual and/or romantic feelings toward their patients, a phenomenon known as erotic countertransference. Research suggests that this is surprisingly common, so we’re going to discuss why it happens and what to do in situations like this.

I am joined once again by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does the term erotic countertransference really mean?
• What is the psychology behind why therapists sometimes develop feelings for their patients?
• How common is it for therapists to become attracted to their patients?
• Why is the subject of erotic countertransference avoided in many therapy training programs?
• Is it ever ethically acceptable for a therapist and client to have sex or start a romantic relationship?

You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most people think sexuality is something we figure out early in life. But for many people, major realizations about their sexuality don’t happen until much later, sometimes after decades in heterosexual relationships or marriages. Today, we’re exploring the psychology of coming out later in life and what happens when you discover aspects of your sexuality you never fully understood before.

My guest is Jess Levith, a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She’s fully trained in both attachment-focused EMDR therapy and trauma-focused acceptance and commitment therapy, works with LGBTQ+ and kinky folks, consensual non-monogamy, women’s sexual health, and out-of-control sexual behavior.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why might someone not fully understand their sexuality until later in adulthood?
• Is coming out later in life always about repression, or can something else be happening?
• What is sexual emergence, and how does it differ from coming out?
• How can people approach conversations about changing sexuality with long-term partners in honest, compassionate ways?

You can follow Jess on Instagram to stay updated about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It’s surprisingly common for people in psychotherapy to develop sexual and/or romantic feelings for their therapists. This is a phenomenon known as erotic transference. It’s a form of projection that psychologists have recognized since the days of Freud. On today’s show, we’re going to explore the complex psychology behind why this phenomenon happens and what it really means.

I am joined today by Alison McCleary and Jordan Pickell. Alison and Jordan are both Registered Clinical Counsellors and podcasters. Together, they co-host the Edge of the Couch podcast, which provides a space to have conversations about what it is actually like to be a therapist, including the conversations that are regularly missed during training programs.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does erotic transference look like for patients who are experiencing it?
• Why does erotic transference happen in the first place?
• How common is erotic transference?
• Should patients who experience erotic transference tell their therapists about it? If so, how?
• How should a therapist respond if a client discloses sexual and/or romantic attraction?

You can check out the Edge of the Couch podcast to learn more.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A few years back, there were a ton of media articles going around about how the pandemic killed the sex party scene. Flash forward to today, and sex parties are back with a vengeance. So what is it actually like to attend a sex party? In today’s show, we’re going to explore the world of sex parties and what you need to know if you’re thinking about attending one.

I am joined once again by Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does a sex party involve? What’s the atmosphere like?
• What’s the difference between a sex party and an orgy?
• How does consent work in a group setting?
• What are the typical rules or etiquette of a sex party?
• How do you even find a sex party to attend in the first place?
• What do you need to do to prepare for attending a sex party?

You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In long-term relationships, sexual satisfaction usually starts dropping after the first year as the initial burst of passion begins to wear down. However, this decline in satisfaction is both preventable and reversible. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about how bring excitement back into the bedroom by exploring the biggest predictors of sexual satisfaction.

My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How many people today are actually satisfied with their sex lives?
• What are the key factors that contribute to sexual satisfaction?
• What are some practical things we can do to boost sexual self-esteem?
• How can we learn to be more mindful during sex?
• What are some ways to make sexual communication easier?

You can check out Dr. Tara’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Initiating sex is something that a lot of people struggle with. So why is it hard, and how can we make it easier? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. In this episode, we’re revisiting a wonderful conversation I had with Vanessa and Xander Marin, the co-hosts of the “Pillow Talks” podcast and co-authors of the book, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.

Some of the questions we answer include:

• Why is initiating sex so hard for so many people?
• What are the dos and don’ts of sexual initiation?
• How do you figure out your initiation style?
• How do you say “no” to a partner’s initiation attempt without hurting their feelings?
• Are there ways to encourage your partner to initiate sex more often?

Make sure to check out Vanessa and Xander’s website, and visit their Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok to learn more. And be sure to get a copy of Sex Talks!

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we spoke with the madam of a legal brothel in the US state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to peel back the sheets a bit further and talk about the courtesans who live and work in this brothel, as well as the surprisingly wide range of customers who visit. It turns out that, more often than not, the patrons are looking for far more than just sex.

I am joined once again by Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Is there a typical brothel customer?
• Beyond sex, what are customers looking for when they visit a brothel?
• How do brothels help customers to fulfill their sexual fantasies?
• What’s it like to work at a brothel?
• What type of skill set do you need in order to be successful as a brothel worker?

You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-april

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are close to two dozen legal brothels in the U.S. state of Nevada. In today’s show, we’re going to go inside one of these brothels and talk to the madam who manages it. We’re going to talk about what the job of a brothel madam is really like, as well as some common myths and misconceptions about brothels and sex work.

My guest is Tara Adkins, who has served as the madam of the World Famous Mustang Ranch for 17 years. As the madam of this property, Tara is responsible for hiring and training the courtesans. Additionally, she provides counsel to the women, offering support on financial and personal matters to ensure their success as independent contractors and beyond.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What requirements do you have to meet in order to be a fully legal brothel?
• What is the inside of a brothel actually like?
• What are the brothel madam’s main responsibilities?
• How does the madam ensure safety and respect for sex workers?
• What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about legal brothels?

You can click here to check out the World Famous Mustang Ranch’s website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by LEHMILLER as the coupon code. 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Porn is the predominant way that gay and queer men learn about sex. That’s a problem because porn is entertainment, not a how-to guide. In today’s show, we’re discussing what gay and queer men need to know when it comes to having positive and pleasurable sexual experiences, including tips for anal sex and dealing with performance problems.

I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does porn get wrong about gay sex?
• What are the dos and don’ts when it comes to having pleasurable anal sex?
• What should you do when you or your partner experience erectile difficulties?
• How can gay men manage self-consciousness about penis size and body image?
• Why is it worth trying sober sex?

You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Some gay men don’t think monogamy ever works because there’s too much temptation out there. At the same time, others think that non-monogamy never works because someone always gets jealous. So what’s the truth here? Today, we’re doing a deep dive into gay men’s relationships and exploring tips for successfully navigating them, whether they’re monogamous or non-monogamous.

I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How can you figure out what type of relationship is best for you, without feeling pressured?
• What do gay men who want to be monogamous need to know?
• What do you do when you and your partner want different kinds of relationship?
• Do you need to be monogamous first before opening up a relationship?
• What are the key ingredients of a successful non-monogamy agreement?

You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Sexual fluidity is controversial. The fact that people’s sexual attractions can shift has sometimes been used to argue that sexual orientation is a choice and, therefore, that being LGBTQ doesn’t merit being a protected class under the law. In this show, we’re going to dive into the complicated politics surrounding sexual fluidity.

I am joined once again by Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark’s latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why is sexual fluidity controversial?
• What does research say about whether someone can consciously change their sexual attraction?
• Is sexual fluidity something that only young people experience?
• What is the process of coming out as sexually fluid like?
• Can people of any age experience sexual fluidity?

You can check out Mark’s latest book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Are you attracted to different types of people than you used to be? Has there been a shift in your go-to fantasy? Do you prefer different activities in the bedroom than you did before? Human sexuality is incredibly flexible. In today’s show, we’re going to dive into the subject of sexual fluidity in order to better understand how and why our sexual attractions might change over time.

My guest is Mark Cusack, a sexuality and relationship coach supporting people who may have complex, fluid or undefined sexual orientation or gender. Mark’s latest book is titled Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does it mean to be “sexually fluid?”
• How often do fluid people experience shifts in their sexuality?
• How is sexual fluidity different from bisexuality?
• Why are some people more likely to experience sexual fluidity than others?
• How is gender fluidity different from sexual fluidity?

You can check out Mark’s latest book here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A lot of people are curious about non-monogamy. But there’s a big difference between liking the idea of it and knowing whether it genuinely fits your emotional needs, attachment style, and relationship temperament. So how do you know if non-monogamy is right for you? That’s what we’re exploring in this episode.

I am joined once again by Kate Loree, LMFT, a sex-positive psychotherapist, author, and speaker specializing in trauma, relationships, sexuality, and non-traditional relationship structures. She is the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships. She also co-hosts the Open Deeply podcast with Sunny Megatron.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• How can you tell whether you genuinely want non-monogamy or simply like the idea of it?
• What are signs you may be overriding yourself to make non-monogamy work?
• How can you assess whether non-monogamy is a good fit for you?
• How can you safely and honestly explore the relationship style that fits you best?

Learn more about Kate’s work by visiting her website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Soaking Wet from VB Health is the world’s first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness. It’s a doctor formulated blend of prebiotics, probiotics, and vitamins specifically designed to restore balance and increase lubrication. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you have sex, do you kind of already know how it’s going to play out before your clothes even came off? If so, you’re not alone. Most of us follow sexual scripts that feature a predictable sequence of activities. However, these scripts can limit our opportunities for pleasure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to rewrite your sexual script and cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life.

I am joined once again by Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.

Some of the specific questions we explore include:

• What is a sexual script anyway, and what might a typical script look like?
• How do sexual scripts limit our experiences with pleasure and connection?
• How do sexual scripts contribute to the orgasm gap?
• What does it mean to rewrite your sexual script?
• How do you rewrite your script when you’re not entirely sure what you want?

You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we’re going to dive into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem, as well as explore a few tips for maintaining a happy, healthy, and exciting sex life.

My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What should you do if you’re having difficulty orgasming during sex?
• How can partners navigate wanting different amounts of sex?
• How do you tell your partner you want to try something new sexually?
• If sexual frequency declines in a relationship, does that mean there’s something wrong?
• How do you know if your fantasies are “normal” or not?

You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology

Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Nothing makes us lose desire for sex faster than having bad sex. Indeed, many cases of low sexual desire are simply due to people having sex that isn’t worth having. In this episode, we’re going to talk about the three main types of bad sex, what it means to have good sex, and how to stop having bad sex.

Today, we’re revisiting a fantastic conversation I had with Dr. Kelly Casperson back in episode 128. Kelly is a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her book and podcast, both of which are titled, You Are Not Broken.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What are the three main kinds of bad sex?
• How can we stop thinking of sex as something we’re obligated to do?
• Why is it bad idea to think of sex as a bargaining tool?
• What kind of sex should we be aiming for?
• How can we get closer to having good (or “good enough”) sex?

You can check out Kelly’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, Feeld has carved out a space for you to find yourself. Explore your desires and go on a journey of self-discovery today with Feeld. Download Feeld on the App Store or Google Play.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!