Darlaine Honey is a Sexual Health Advisor working with Berkshire Healthcare and lives in Surrey, South of England. Having been diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, she is also an advocate for Breast Cancer Now on the workflow task force plus Breast Cancer Now / Ann Summers/My ViV collaboration for sex after breast cancer.

During the COVID lockdown, Darlaine and some friends formed the charity Lobular Breast Cancer so that other women could learn more about it.

As is evident from our discussion and from previous discussions I’ve had with those working in the area of sexual health, both in the UK and in the US, there’s not enough being done to support older people to have a healthier and happier sex life.

There’s an assumption that sexual health advisors are there to support younger people. At the same time, the stats reveal that more older people are presenting with STDs than ever before, thanks to escalating divorce rates and the opportunity through dating apps and elsewhere for sexual encounters.

I also learned, towards the end of our conversation, of the impact of drugs used to treat breast cancer on women’s sexual health and was shocked to discover how they may contribute to vaginal atrophy and a significant decline in libido and sensitivity, none of which patients are commonly told when undergoing treatment.

My friend Sam Evans, who runs a sex toy shop called Jo Divine, has spoken via her social media channels about ‘medical misogyny’ and, in talking with Darlaine, it’s clear how much more needs to be done to ensure women receive the information we all deserve to make educated decisions about our overall wellbeing which includes our sexual health.

If you’d like to learn more about Darlaine’s work, you can reach her on LinkedIn.

Show your support for Lobular Breast Cancer here:

https://lobularbreastcancer.org.uk/darlaine-honey/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Paid subscribers support my ongoing work to help older people have a healthier, happier sex life and receive an additional subscriber-only post per week.

Gigi Raven Wilbur is an American bisexual rights activist and writer. They have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a master's degree in social work.

I suspect 50 Shades of Grey has contributed to confusion around what BDSM entails and how it can be used to enhance one’s intimate life. I recall upon reading it and all the publicity that ensued upon its publication that there was outrage from those within the BDSM community that their lifestyle choice should be portrayed so inaccurately. Even my kids who knew I dabbled in this world said at the time, “You should go on TV and tell them it’s not like this!”

The fact is that BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) has many benefits as Gigi and I discuss during this podcast. It can enhance one’s intimate relationships by enabling conversations that touch on consent, power dynamics, pain and sometimes how this may relate to earlier trauma. It can, without any penetration being involved, transport its participants to altered states of consciousness, sometimes called sub-space. And it can be playful, imaginative and fun. In my experience, people I’ve met in the lifestyle are some of the most open and considerate people I know, for whom consent is paramount and pleasure is key.

Gigi is also deeply involved with the BDSM world. Today, she advocates for the healing, cathartic, and spiritual power of BDSM as founder and Sacred Harlot of Aphrodite’s Temple. This modern-day sex temple provides sex-positive education and a sex-positive sacred play space for adults. Gigi’s book is called The Dominant’s Handbook: an Intimate Guide to BDSM Play. Gigi wrote the essay Walking in Shadows: Third Gender and Spirituality about her intersex identity.

If you’re interested in exploring this further, check out these links:

The BDSM Interest Evaluation - https://www.ravenslairleather.com/free-offers

The Dominant’s Handbook - An Intimate Guide to BDSM -https://www.ravenslairleather.com/ravenslairbooks

Adult Bedtime Stories - https://rss.com/podcasts/adult-bedtime-stories/

In this week’s episode, I interview Erika Shershun, a licensed therapist specialising in working with sexual trauma survivors, the author of the Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook and facilitator of the PESI Sexual Trauma Clinical Training.

Erika has counselled numerous older people who have had symptoms worsen later in life and is now seeking healing for sexual trauma from years earlier. Often, they’ve been in therapy prior but didn’t get the results they were looking for.

There is no expiry date when it comes to learning how to heal from any form of sexual trauma that may have taken place when a child, a teenager or in adulthood. And, as I’ve heard from specialists working in this area, the more we work through issues from our past, the more likely we will have a fulfilling relationship in the future.

Erika, herself a survivor of sexual trauma, talks about her own healing journey and about how she goes about helping others to “reclaim the life they were meant to live.” She is based in California.

Erika Shershun, MA, LMFT (she/her) Author of the Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook PESI Sexual Trauma Clinical TrainingHealing Sexual Trauma Journey    ErikaShershunTherapy.com | HealingSexualTrauma.com 

SPEAKERS

Suzanne Noble, Peter Marriott

Suzanne Noble  00:10

Hello, and welcome to Sex Advice for Seniors, which, surprisingly, is coming to you from a different location today, isn't it Peter?

Peter Marriott  00:20

It is. We're broadcasting live from the John Radcliffe Hospital, here on hospital Radio 197. No, we're broadcasting from the hospital because I had a bit of a fall. Fell off my bike, and broke my ribs and my jaw. So I might sound a little strange while we're talking today. But we thought it'd be a good opportunity to talk about disability and sex because I also have another disability in that I have MS. So maybe there's the opportunity to do that. To talk about that.

Suzanne Noble  01:00

Well, I think if anytime is right, the time is now, you have to grab your opportunities when they arise. And if you hear some little background noise and squeaking that's just the lovely hospital ambience coming out to you. So, we can't do anything about that. So Pete had a bit of a fall. And he's laid up here in bed surrounded by three other older men who are looking in far worse condition than you do. Frankly, I have to say.

Peter Marriott  01:31

Well, they've got things like broken hips and stuff like that. They're really quite badly off. I think one's going for an operation today. Who knows? Who knows? Maybe I'll be released. But, nobody knows. We don't know.

Suzanne Noble  01:54

So let's talk about disability and sex. Because you know what, that's a really.. when it comes to taboo subjects. If you thought being older and having sex was taboo, well, just goes one level up, doesn't it when you've got a disability because it's something people really, really don't want to talk about at all, I suspect. But, you've had MS for how long now?

Peter Marriott  02:18

Oh, well, I was diagnosed in 2010. Retired in 2015. Early Retirement. So I've been hanging around thinking about these things for a while now. And disability and sex are a big one. Because, obviously, you know, all the issues we talked about last time were with self-identity, and being virile and strong and young and the rest of it kind of disappears if you have a disability. I mean, luckily for me, sexually, I don't seem to be too badly affected by the MS. So, but I know that for a lot of people is a big problem.

Suzanne Noble  03:11

And how does the illness for those of the audience that doesn't know how does it manifest itself?

Peter Marriott  03:20

Well, a million different ways. It starts off very small and it gets bigger and bigger. In my case, for some people, it never develops very far at all. A lot of people apparently find they have MS. Well, not them, obviously, their relatives, find that they have MS at the autopsy stage.  The incidence is probably much higher, but it starts off with niggling pains and pins and needles and balance problems. Quite often sight problems, people go blind for no reason and then their sight comes back, back again. Those things happen and it takes quite a long time before they've discovered the reason for it because they don't really find out when they do an MRI scan and find you've got these lesions on your nerves, which is where the name comes from multiple sclerosis. You've lots of scar tissue on your nerves. And then they go from there and they offer you disease-modifying treatment and all sorts of things.

Suzanne Noble  04:46

And sexually, did you worry at first that it might have some impact on your sex life? When you first found out that you had MS. Was it something that you did think about or was it kind of pushed to the back in terms of some of the other challenges?

Peter Marriott  05:08

It seemed it wasn't having too much of an effect. So you prioritise in your head, the different things that are going on. I was more worried, for example at the time that I couldn't play the guitar anymore. I couldn't walk very far anymore. And that distance gradually declined and that was more worrying. But I guess if I'd had sexual problems, then that would have been pretty well at the top of the list, I should imagine. And luckily, I didn't, so I could concentrate on those other things.

Suzanne Noble  05:51

I suppose the only area is things around as you said, things around your balance, and also just general energy level. And I think that there are a lot of illnesses around that clearly impact people's energy levels. And you have to figure out positions and things where you're not expending as much energy. And the other person maybe takes over from that.

Peter Marriott  06:16

So whatever happens, then, your sex life is gonna change in lots of ways. , the energy is, is a major problem. Because you have to work really hard to keep your energy levels up. , you know, if you're gonna be fit, maintain your energy levels for sexual purposes then you have to get out and get exercising, you know, and that's the last thing you start running around or jumping up and down. You just want to lie down and take it easy. It affects you in lots of ways. And I think disabilities do that.

You're affected by not only your own disabilities, your own inability to, you know, have a full sex life, whatever. But you're affected by other people's perceptions of, more importantly, I, again, I don't, that hasn't been too bad for me, because apart from falling around a lot when people just assume I'm drunk, which sometimes I'm sometimes or not, but if you're in a wheelchair, or you have a more visible disability than I think it's much more of a problem. I think then, you know, you really are up against it, in terms of your sex life, or your or whatever you're doing really.

But that it's I think it's a big problem for your sex life if you're severely disabled. Obviously. But, but it's something where people think I will, the sex life is not important. There are more important things. And that's true. But it is such an essential part of being an adult human being that it's quite difficult to, put it aside and say, it doesn't matter. It's more important to be able to walk or, you know, do this, that and the other. I mean, the only reason I play the guitar, for example, is because originally I thought would be a good way to get laid. And so not being able to play the guitar is kind of synonymous with not getting laid. Realistically, there it is.

Suzanne Noble  09:14

That's such a male thing, isn't it? Like a rock star and thinking of associating it with getting laid? By whatever sex you happen to prefer? I suspect that, as you say, one of the, one of the key challenges I suspect of being somebody who's not got some form of disability, whether it's visible or invisible, is that the medical profession prefers not to think about sex, when it comes to all of this sort of stuff. So as you said, they tend to kind of go, well, let's talk about that. After we talk about all the other stuff. Let's get around to that later and getting around to that later, sometimes, that's the only thing you have to cling on to is the fact that actually, you know, you can have sexual pleasure you can be with someone, you can enjoy it.

If you're not able to do some other things, like, for instance, walk very far or you know, or go running or do whatever else people do to get endorphins going throughout their body, then that's one of the few things that you actually can do. And I think to dismiss it as being some are less important than some of these other things is to undermine just how important it is for adults, just in general.

I've seen that having been with partners who, you know, were diagnosed with cancer and asked the doctor for Viagra. One of the first things in a previous relationship, somebody I was with, who was diagnosed with late-stage cancer said, Well, can I just have some Viagra please so I can just have some fun for the last few months. And honestly, the doctor's face, his jaw fell to the floor. He could not have been, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to react. And he did say, let's think about that in a few weeks’ time. Let's just see how you get on after he has just been diagnosed with a death sentence. And he said, What are you talking about? There's no kind of getting on later on. I just want this now.

And the unfortunate thing was, I mean, we did go and find it from some backstreet place, this was pre being able to just pick it up at Boots. But I'll never forget how his attitude towards that request was somehow really surprising to me because I thought he couldn't be the only person that just wants to have sex towards the end of his life. I know, it's a morbid thing to talk about. But it did. It was really important to him. And if you...

Peter Marriott  11:56

If you said to people, you know, you've got 10 minutes to live, what you do, there's always some variation of sex in there. Some, not a very nice version of what they want to do, but, but somewhere there, and John Baetjemen was, you know, he was even in TV, TV ad, I think, at some point. And the end of his life is in a wheelchair and somebody asks him Do you have any regrets at all? You see, I wish I'd have more sex, you know, so, it's such ingrained parts of the human psyche to want that and to see that as an important part of our lives. And, you know, one of the first things the doctor did, in fact, I think it was the first appointment. My doctor offered me a prescription for Viagra. I think I still have them.

Suzanne Noble  13:07

And, and one of the things I was thinking about as well was that when people talk about pleasure, they often talk about orgasms. And many people, obviously, people who have got more severe disabilities and you have, or perhaps paralysed downstairs or whatever, or, you know, that might be something they're not able to achieve anymore. And I think we've got to stop associating pleasure being solely around orgasms. Because one of the things just jokingly, when, when I was talking to the other Pete the other day, we were, we were talking about, you know, how long it takes to have an orgasm when you're older, in other words, forever.

And he said, Oh, I've just, you know, and I just, I just, it just takes so long, I just get bored with myself, you know? And, and that's because, and I said, and I laughed because we all recognise that feeling when sometimes you just think, Oh, I just, I just can't be bothered. It's just taking far too long. And that could be because you're on medication, which makes it take much longer than usual, like antidepressants, for instance, or other types of medication made, which may also have some impact on the ability to orgasm.

But what I've come to realise is that actually, there's just so many different ways to get pleasure, and that having that one aim in mind that one goal is so limiting, and can be quite soul destroying sometimes when you just say, Oh, I just don't know if it's gonna happen, you know, but I've stopped thinking about whether it's gonna happen or not. And I kind of like the fact that I'm not bound so much by this desire anymore. to just get to this finish line, because the journey is as fun as getting to the finish line. And sometimes you're not gonna get to the finish line

Peter Marriott  15:08

I think that is an insight that by definition comes late in life I went to a mid-life crisis tantric workshop. And about the only thing, I learned from that was stop chasing the orgasm. You know, if you have an orgasm fine, it's great. But that's not the point. The point is to have fun along the way to be in tune with your IChing or whatever. However you want to see it. The point is the pleasure, the pleasure, the sex and stop chasing the orgasm. Simple as that really, especially if your orgasm is retreating ahead of you at a rate of knots. And, you know, sort of looking at the watch and thinking for Christ's sake Come on. That's no way to enjoy yourself.

And you've got to stop thinking that you're a failure if you don't have an orgasm. I think women have pretended to have orgasms since the beginning of time. Eve was probably there in the, in the, in the Garden of Eden giving it some welly and pretending to have an orgasm. But I'm not saying the men, because that's a bit more difficult. But, you know, just enjoy the sensations you get. I mean, I don't know about other men, but I get little orgasms, sort of mini orgasms while I'm having sex if I'm having a really good time. That's, you know, I think at the end of the session, then we might ask, Well, you didn't come? Are you happy? And you say good, happy? Great, fine, thanks very much. Good night.

Suzanne Noble  17:16

Well, that's all linked to this, again, this fear of failure, if you don't get to the end, that you somehow failed in some way on both sides. If men haven't, quote, unquote, given somebody an orgasm is if you can give it to them like a gift. Oh, here you go. Like, here's your orgasm or women have, you know, or if the guy's not coming, women often think, well, there's something wrong with me, obviously, I'm not very good at this.

And in fact, Pete, the other Pete said, Well, clearly you don't care whether they come. I said I don't really, I mean, I said, No, of course, I do a little bit, but I don't. I don't I'm not fixated on it. Because I know that. If it wasn't fun, then you'd want to stop. You would want to stop now. So, I think that there are many different ways to enjoy yourself. And I think that's really the whole thing about disability and having sex is that there are many, many different ways to enjoy yourself. And being fixated on penetrative sex, or whatever it just is, is only one very small part of the menu. That delightful menu that is, you know, that is sex and pleasure. And, and exploring all of that is where the joy comes in, and the hope and the openness towards being able to explore all the other erogenous zones, rather than the very predictable ones that we're all very familiar with.

Peter Marriott  18:43

So I have a couple of friends, who are, he's disabled and can't get an erection. But she says she's having the best sex she's ever had in her life. Because, you know, they're taking the time. , to make it work, you know, and different things and experimenting more, rather than just shoving it and off you go It's actually taking retirement to make sex, something enjoyable and pleasurable. Whatever it is, and that, you know, I think that's the message of the podcast so far as to do that. Take the pleasure where you can

Suzanne Noble  19:32

Yep, take the pleasure where you can you've been in the hospital. I'm in the hospital. Well, I don't know how that's going to work because there's a bit of a catheter issue at the moment. Not that may be too much information there for you guys. Anyway, that's, that's probably the one and only hopefully, episode of Sex Advice for Seniors. Brought to you from the John Radcliffe Hospital in the trauma ward, there you go. And if you know what nobody is going to be nobody else is going to be recording a podcast in this place. Certainly not in this ward.

Peter Marriott  22:00

Lots of people have been traumatised by us. Okay, all right, Off we go then. Bye-bye bye-bye.

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

SPEAKERS

Suzanne Noble, Peter Marriott

Suzanne Noble  00:09

Welcome to Sex Advice for Seniors. So I'm Suzanne, and I'm 61.

Peter Marriott  00:18

I'm Peter, and I'm 61 for another three weeks. About four weeks. So 62 very soon.

Suzanne Noble  00:34

And we are here to talk about sex. When you're older.

Peter Marriott  00:49

Yeah. Well, apparently.

Suzanne Noble  00:50

So let's talk about sex. We've got this list that we created a very extensive list, because of course, we are both very, very seriously interested in this topic.

Peter Marriott  00:58

And unqualified, completely...

Suzanne Noble  01:01

unqualified, except that both of us have had quite a bit of experience. Some more than others. Possibly me. And you are just trying to catch up.

Peter Marriott  01:13

Yep.

Suzanne Noble  01:14

And you've got a long way to go. But that's okay. Because you still got time,

Peter Marriott  01:20

It's quality rather than quantity. Well, that's what we'd like to think.

Suzanne Noble  01:25

Sometimes it is quantity. Quantity can be quality.

Peter Marriott  01:31

Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's hope so. 

Suzanne Noble  01:36

Well, for your sake.

So we've got these topics for discussion. And I thought, let's just start with the first one, shall we?

Peter Marriott  01:41

Feelings of inadequacy and how to overcome them.

Suzanne Noble  01:45

God sounds serious, doesn't it? Feelings of inadequacy and how to overcome them? Yeah. And why did we come up with that topic?

Peter Marriott  01:53

Do you know I can't remember? I think probably because we've been talking about how people feel inadequate about their sexual experience and feel as though there's a lot still to be gained in terms of experience, and how do they get that? And if they don't have it, you know, are they adequate lovers? And so you feel bad about yourself and blah, blah, blah? And all those sorts of questions. I think that's where that came from.

Suzanne Noble  02:25

I think it originally came from because we were talking about the fact that sometimes when people talk about older people and sex, just generally, they tend to focus on the negatives, don't they? Yeah, they tend to focus on the fact that men can't get it up anymore. And they tend to focus on the fact that women have dry vaginas, and so it tends to be quite derogatory, actually, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.  And I certainly know that there are conversations that we've had in the Advantages of Age group about really is it even important anymore. Is sex even important anymore? And I personally think it's okay if you don't want it. But equally, if you do want it, and you're getting messages chucked at you from the media predominantly that make you feel that you shouldn't want it anymore.

Peter Marriott  03:22

Or that somehow it's yucky and inappropriate for people of a certain age to be having sex at all. Certainly, young people think that I mean, I know it's become a bit of a joke, but when young people think about their parents or their grandparents, I'm sure that doesn't even enter into their heads, that they might still be sexual beings, fully autonomous sexual beings who get up to stuff. The messages coming from everywhere outside are fairly negative about sex.

Suzanne Noble  03:59

And I know that I've had partners in the past that have felt uncomfortable about their erections. And when I've suggested that there might be some pharmaceutical products that are available to help, they've been quite dismissive about that, and some people haven't. And frankly, I think, personally, that if you struggle with things, and there's some help available, whether it's lubricants if you're a woman or Viagra, whatever, if you're a guy, then it's okay. Yeah, okay to say, I need a little bit of help.

Peter Marriott  04:41

I think people are generally very bad at recognising they need help and then asking for it.

Suzanne Noble  04:48

I've had conversations with women about lubrication, which has suggested that if you don't get wet enough that there's something wrong with you. Whereas it's just a physiological thing that sometimes happens when you're an older woman.

Peter Marriott  04:49

Well, that's the problem, isn't it? We attach all sorts of moral categories to what are just physical things, you know. And that's really, I think the weakness of a lot of the attitudes towards sex and older people is because as you get older, the moral questions, they kind of take over. And they become attached to all sorts of ethical questions and aesthetic questions about the aesthetic appropriateness of your body as a 62-year-old compared to when you were 22. So yeah, general inadequacy, not being up to the job, and then not being appropriate for the job.

Suzanne Noble  05:49

That's very philosophical, I must say.

Peter Marriott  05:53

I'm here all week.

Suzanne Noble  05:56

I think that's absolutely true. And I think people's challenges with their changing bodies contribute to their feelings of inadequacy. And I know that I have come to understand that male sexuality and female sexuality are quite different. And male sexuality often can be quite driven by the visual. And so it's, whereas women's sexuality is much more in my experience anyway, driven by what goes on in my brain, and may not always be attached to the visual, although I think that we all have to acknowledge that our bodies are ageing, and with ageing comes things, you know, wrinkles, droopiness, and all sorts of other stuff that kind of naturally occurs.

And I am quite aware of the fact that as an ageing woman, keeping my body in shape is closely aligned to feeling sexy. And the more I feel better about the way I look, the more I feel that I'm more attractive to, in my case, because I'm mainly heterosexual, men, who do often value, that sort of thing. So I think also, that can be really, really difficult because women do naturally age, and well, we all do. But when you know that the opposite sex is strongly driven by the visual, it can be quite difficult as an older woman to feel that you're still attractive to them in that heteronormative kind of way. Which is the only thing that I can really talk about.

Peter Marriott  07:38

I think that's right. Whereas men, it doesn't matter how old they are, they still think they are devastatingly attractive to young girls, you know, I mean, there are so many examples of it. I mean, from Harvey Weinstein, who we were talking about earlier. I'm sure he seriously thought that you know, the young women would be attracted to him. And because power is associated so often with men of a certain status and age and, and wealth. And traditionally, it would have gone alongside that, you know, the older men who have younger women, because just that's just the way it is.

Whereas men are obviously concerned very, very deeply about their own physical inadequacies as well. But you know, from weight and beer bellies, and I mean, the biggest adverts on the internet are for penis size, basically, yeah, you know, getting penis enlargements and extensions and creams and god knows what else to make your, you know, make your penis bigger.

We have our inadequacies, as well, but they're very compartmentalised. It's about how big your dick is or how big your stomach is. And we don't think of ourselves as therefore not… I don't know, maybe we do - Not being attractive overall as a package because people with small dicks and big tummies still think of themselves as devastatingly attractive.

Suzanne Noble  09:16

I think the menopause and just the changes that women naturally go through in their life contribute so much in terms of how they see themselves and often when they get to the menopause, and sometimes, and certainly, in my case, my libido was nowhere near what it was earlier in my life. You can feel a sense of grief about losing something that you know, you're never gonna get back, you know?

And men, whereas men, okay, you can look down at your belly, and you can do something about it. Yeah, you know, you can actually just go and just exercise and change that but for women and hormonal changes that go on in our body are forever. And so there is a process that I think we go through. And we make choices about how important sex is in a relationship in relation to lots of other things in our lives. And some people choose that is actually not that important anymore. Or I spoke to somebody today, it was like, just oh, I just don't know if I'm up for it in the same way that I was before. And I get that I completely get that. And I think that there's a lack of awareness about the fact that actually, yeah, it does change.

But if you want to keep doing it, because you enjoyed it, and it was important in your life, it can just change with you. But it doesn't have to stop completely. And I think with the message that we get, and you harked back when you were talking about kids talking about their parents and thinking about the yuckiness and all of that, is that people kind of assume that it just ends. You know, like, oh, they shouldn't be doing that anymore.

And if they are doing it, it's kind of, oh, it's bit gross, really, I don't even want to think about it. It's kind of quite disgusting. To think about it. But actually, it's just different. And that's how I think about it now is, it's not that same craziness that was in my 40s. But it's still there, it's just a little different. And I also suspect that men have similar challenges around the lack of testosterone and things, which don't, in my view, get nearly enough airtime. Because there's no place for men to talk about that s**t, though.

Peter Marriott  11:44

That's true, and probably the result of that is, that we don't really know anything about that. I have no idea about testosterone, and you know how mine is, I think I'm okay. And, you know, I check my finger lengths now and again, to make sure that I've still, you know, my third finger is the ring finger is still longer than my index finger. In fact, it's getting longer. And that sort of thing. And, I think, to get philosophical, again, the problem is change. In general, I mean, not just sexual change, or bodily changes, just that nothing stays the same, you know, as Heraclites said, Panta Rhei, that everything changes all the time. It’s probably pronounced Heraclitus but it’s pronounced in different ways. That everything changes, or changes all the time.

And as we get older, we kind of expect it to just stay the same and it doesn't, it just doesn't, nothing does. And therefore you have to adapt to that. And you have to find a new way of being. And that's probably where, you know, probably one of the major problems in the relationship is that people change at different rates. And that's to do with childbirth. It's to do with childbirth and childbirth and has to do with just the different rates at which men and women change. And, and of course, you have, you know, women have menopause. Men don't so we don't get it. Don't really know anything about it.

Suzanne Noble  13:34

They just hope it's over quick.

Peter Marriott  13:37

Yeah, it's ignorance and fear of change both within a relationship and within oneself as well about, you know, how things are changing and what's different, I don't feel as though much has changed for me. I still feel the same now as I did when I was, you know, 19 or 20, or whenever, but, but obviously… I was somewhere yesterday, and I saw my caught sight of myself in a big shop window and I really did think for a second, who's that standing there? And it was me as a 62-year-old man - in four weeks’ time. And that that disparity between how you feel in your head, and how you look to the rest of the world, is it's a big thing to overcome in terms of sexuality as well because I think of myself as a very vigorous young 20-year-old man, you know, always up for it and all the rest of it, but I know I'm not, you know,

Suzanne Noble  14:41

Now, come once and then you have to wait about 48 hours really.

Peter Marriott  14:48

I'm not an athlete.

Suzanne Noble  14:52

Anyway, we talked about feelings of inadequacy, but we haven't talked too much about how to overcome them. Because I think that's the thing is, you can feel quite overwhelmed by all the messaging and the changes as we’ve spoken about that are going on in your body and everything that's happening. There are not really a great many places where you can actually discuss any of this stuff. I think for men, even fewer places, and there are probably for women who might be able to share some of the challenges that they're having with their girlfriends and be able to get, you know, feedback around that, and men kind of suffer in silence, I always think generally, about this kind of stuff.

Peter Marriott  15:37

Yeah, we just read what women have to say about sex, and then get off on it.

Suzanne Noble  15:44

But I think, you know, one of the things is that is around overcoming some of the shame that's attached to sex, which as we know, especially at our age can go back generations, it can go back to childhood, so much of sex for me is around how your parents dealt with it or didn't deal with it, and how that impacted upon how you feel about it in later life. So, so some of that is about recognising where your idea of sex came from, and how you generally see it, whether it’s something that's attached to shame, or whether it's something that's really positive and joyful, and something that is a healthy part of every adult life.

Peter Marriott  16:33

I think that's really important.

Suzanne Noble  16:34

But I also think what's really important is to recognise that there in the same way that there's Viagra for men, and all that, is that we now live in a world in which there are really easy ways to overcome some of the basic physical problems that we have. Right. So you know, lubricants, whether you decide you're just going to use olive oil, almond oil, you're gonna go to the shop and buy water, based lubricants, whatever you happen to need.

There's no shame in using lube. I don't think that any man, any man that I've ever met in my life if I just like spread some lube into my hand and do something with it gets turned off by that. I've never had a single occasion where anyone ever went, Oh, what's that? And I went, Oh, it's a bit of lube. And they went, Oh, gross. You're not wet enough. I'm not gonna have sex with you. I don't think that's ever happened, but I'm sure that lots of women feel some sense of inadequacy, but I've never had a single occasion, or any man…

Peter Marriott  17:43

You make it sound like you've had sex with lots of people.

Suzanne Noble  17:45

I don't know why that is. You know, and equally. I personally have never said if somebody said to me, Oh, I'm just going to drop some Viagra now. I've never gone Oh, gross. Don't do that. I've always gone like, oh, playtime. It's gonna be fun.

Peter Marriott  18:06

Yeah. I agree is a very strange thing. Because my experience is that when women are very divided about it, yeah, some women think that's great, you know, cuz he's gonna have a hard-on for hours and hours. Fantastic. And there are some women who think well, what's wrong with me? Because he needs Viagra to get it up, you know, and to have sex with me and I’m so unattractive that, you know, he needs the chemical stimulant to do it. And, you know, that's quite tricky, I think to deal with. But the same goes, it's the same as the lube question, but the other way round, you know, what's wrong with me as a man if she's not getting wet enough? Yeah, I'm obviously doing something wrong. And or she doesn't fancy me or whatever. And I think that's the first place that people's thoughts go to, rather than to the place of there have been physiological changes which require them to use them or to, you know, to use Viagra or whatever.

Suzanne Noble  19:09

Yeah. I think that's a really good point. And I can imagine that there are some women, and I know that I've certainly been in this situation myself, with men where the lack of lubricant was a kind of thing. For sure. Right? Yeah, for sure. So I do get that. The bottom line is always and I probably would say that you know, we're going to end this conversation. Always. It's around communication. Always, always, like, it doesn't matter what's going on. It's just about being really clear about, look, it's not that I don't think you're super hot. It’s just I need a bit of extra help. And also, the, you know, what a lot of people don't understand about Viagra is that if you don't actually fancy somebody And you take Viagra it doesn’t make a difference. And so it's not like this automatic thing that you take it and Ping! and everybody it’s happy days, you have to actually want to have sex, you actually have to want it. So there is also, that knowledge that the pill itself is not the solution. There are a bunch of other factors that have to go on. Understanding that, as well as being able to communicate with your partner. What's going on, is really important, because that's going to create the intimacy and relax you and make you feel sexy and just kind of want to do it.

Peter Marriott  20:50

I think so too. And I think talking about is is is I have a turn on. I'm just thinking now maybe we should sneak off

Suzanne Noble  21:05

I knew you were thinking that, so obvious now. Anyway, this is our first episode of Sex Advice for Seniors.

Peter Marriott  21:18

Who dares comes.

Suzanne Noble  21:23

And if you have any questions, any questions of any nature that you would like to share with us, then you can send them to where should we send them to?

Peter Marriott  21:35

That's a really good question.

Suzanne Noble  21:39

You could just send them to Suzanne Noble on Facebook or

Peter Marriott  21:45

Peter Marriott Thompson on Facebook.

Suzanne Noble  21:50

We've got a page on Facebook called Sex Advice for Seniors

and you could send them there as well. So there we go. So professional.

Peter Marriott  22:02

Brilliant. Goodbye.

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

Welcome to Episode 90! It's wonderful to have you here. What started back in 2022 as a bit of a lark with Peter Marriott (who now edits every episode) has turned into a chart-topping podcast, featured in The Guardian, The Telegraph, and multiple women's magazines. Along the way, I've learned more about sex than I thought possible, interviewed amazing experts from all walks of life, and hopefully opened your mind to deepening your own intimacy, whether with yourself or a partner.

This week, I'm in conversation with Colin Richards, whom I first heard about through a friend who had trained with him in sensual massage and spoke highly of him. Colin is well-known in the media, having helped over 8,000 clients since he started his practice back in 2005, to improve their sexual confidence and "gain a broader understanding of their partner's and others' sexuality to enhance their personal and intimate lifestyles."

During our discussion, we explore how intimate massage can be a gateway to understanding one's own erogenous zones and how, by allowing oneself to be pleasured by another with no need for reciprocation, we can experience the sexual pleasure we all deserve. I'm a firm believer that finding one's way to a happy, healthy sex life can happen at any stage of life, and intimate massage can be one way to understand one's own body. I'm looking forward to experiencing one of Colin's divine massages firsthand in a couple of weeks and will report back to paid subscribers.

Speaking of which, many thanks to those of you who have taken up a paid subscription. I truly appreciate it, and I have a backlog of toy reviews to catch up on, which you can look forward to if you're one of those who have chosen to pay £4.99/month. I'll also be sharing details of my holiday in Cap d'Agde, the world's largest naturist village, where I'm currently enjoying a break for a few days. It's a whole lot of fun here!

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive additional posts and discounts from trusted suppliers.

You can find Colin Richards at:

Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/Intimacymatters

Twitter; https://twitter.com/IntimacyMatters

Website: https://www.intimacymatters.co.uk

Colin is a member of The Association of Somatic & Integrative Sexologists

This week, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Rebbeca Lahann, a licensed psychotherapist since the late 1990s who has recently become a certified sex therapist. Her resume is impressively extensive.

Dr. Lahann has delivered many keynote addresses, and our conversation previews her upcoming talk, "Are Your Client's Sexual Values Aligned, or in a 69?", which she will present at the AASECT 2024 Annual Conference in St. Louis, Missouri, on June 12.

As we discussed, personal values serve as a compass that guides our lives and helps us understand and appreciate our self-development. However, when it comes to our sexual values, they may not always be aligned. How many of us, for example, would value honesty but feel reluctant to be completely transparent with our sexual partners?

Alternatively, if our first experiences of sex were non-consensual or shaped by the lens of pornography, how much does this create conflict or misalignment between our sexual values and our personal values? If that is the case, what do we need to do to help align our sexual values with our personal values?

It’s a weighty and multi-layered subject and one I certainly had not considered before.

You can find more information about Dr Lahann on her website here.

https://linktr.ee/DrRebbecaLahann

.

This week's podcast discusses how relationships can recover after one person has had an affair. It also explores how one's upbringing can contribute to the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship.

Thomas Gagliano speaks with authority as a person who has battled his own demons and, as an addict in recovery, discusses how family dynamics can lead to a less-than-ideal foundation for building a strong relationship.

Gagliano focuses on helping individuals and families navigate difficult situations and relationships through empathy, understanding, and personal growth in his professional practice.

Working with men in groups, couples, and individuals, he guides his clients to understand how to have uncomfortable conversations, unlearn behaviors that no longer serve them well, and repair relationships that may have come apart.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Thomas Gagliano is the author of The Problem Was Me”

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Firstly, I want to warmly welcome all my new subscribers. Thanks to a recent article in The Guardian about sex among individuals over 50, many of you have joined. I'm glad to have you here, and I encourage you to explore the previous episodes of my podcast. They cover a wide range of topics, including exploring tantra in later life, discussing kinks, various sexual health dysfunctions, online dating, and much more.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week's podcast features a fascinating conversation with Tiffany Zahara. Tiffany specialises in assisting businesses that face censorship due to societal stigmas and government regulations. She provides comprehensive support to help these businesses focus on their areas of expertise and maximise their impact on the world.

In addition to her professional work, Tiffany has personal experience as a sex worker. She writes and speaks about the importance of normalising conversations around controversial topics such as intimacy and pleasure, which are often subjected to stigma, shame, and censorship.

During our conversation, we delved into the practical aspects of sex work, its role in maintaining long-term relationships, what typically happens during a session, and where to find workers who cater to specific preferences. We also discussed the significance of decriminalization and the need to protect the rights of sex workers.

You can find more information about Tiffany here.

I encourage you to subscribe and share this post/podcast, which I have created to help more older people to have a happy and healthier sex life. If you know of someone who would make a great guest or would like to nominate yourself, let me know. I have also opened up the chat function for paid subscribers whom are free to ask questions.

Subscribing costs a very reasonable £4.99 per month or £49.99 per year and goes towards the various costs I incur as a result of doing this such as hosting, recording software, social media tools. I welcome your contribution.

This week, I had a lot of fun exploring with Ralph the concept of kinkiness and how older individuals can embrace their kinkier side later in life.

Ralph is a multi-talented professional who works as a writer and musician in both mainstream and adult content industries. He is the co-host of the "Licking Non-Vanilla" podcast, an anthologist, editor, columnist, blogger, produced playwright, adult scene scriptwriter, toy reviewer, SEO web writer, kink convention teacher, press agent, and interviewer. Needless to say, he possesses extensive knowledge about kink.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Speaking from my personal experience, as someone who discovered kink in my forties, I may be a bit biased, but I believe it is one of the most inclusive lifestyles I have encountered. When I delved into the world of BDSM, for example, I noticed that people of all ages and abilities were present. It was within the kink community that I began to comprehend the relationship between pain and pleasure, the role of role-playing and fantasies in safely exploring forbidden topics, and how to establish deeper connections with partners beyond traditional sexual intercourse.

Ralph is entertaining, and you’ll love listening to him.

If you want to hear more from Ralph, check out his podcast, Licking Non-Vanilla, here.

I like Ralph's six-part series on Love, Sex & Kink here.

If you’d like to book a 1:2:1 coaching session with me, click the link below. If you’re seeking the voice of experience over academic qualifications related to all things sexual, I’m your gal. Discretion assured.

You're never too old to engage in sexual activity, although in a care home setting, it may seem otherwise due to staff often neglecting the need for intimacy in later life.

In this episode, I interview Kelly Connell, a sex educator who has worked in various settings, including retirement communities and community centers for older individuals. It is fascinating to hear her perspective on the challenges she encounters in her work and the types of questions that older people ask her about sex and dating, which highlights the lack of available information.

The main focus of this podcast has always been to support older people in having satisfying sexual experiences, based on their own preferences. It is important to acknowledge that sexual activity can continue until the end of our lives, if desired.

However, my conversation with Kelly clearly indicates that there is still much work to be done to ensure that older people, particularly those in care home settings, are not deprived of their sexual autonomy, and that their relatives and staff are there to offer support.

www.kellyconnellconsulting.com

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. We rely on your contributions to continue to pay for the hosting and other costs of maintaining this podcast.

Trigger Warning: This episode addresses sensitive topics related to male sexual abuse, grooming, and rape.

The inspiration for this episode came from watching the popular Netflix TV show "Baby Reindeer," which is based on a true story. It follows a struggling comedian who becomes the target of a mentally unstable woman. Simultaneously, he seeks the attention of a successful comedy writer who ends up abusing him. While the series explores various issues, one aspect that stood out to me was the intense shame experienced by the character due to the abuse. Additionally, it delves into the confusion surrounding his sexuality and the shame he carries due to the events that took place.

It wasn't until I embarked on my own sexual journey in my forties, exploring alternative lifestyles and having conversations with men, that I began to comprehend the prevalence of sexual abuse experienced by older men. Often, these traumatic experiences occurred during their time in boarding schools or within the Catholic church. I heard their stories so often, that I began to believe that anyone aged 50+ who had not suffered abuse, whether sexual or emotional, was the exception that proved the rule.

In this candid discussion with Dr. Graham Stevenson, an intimacy and relationship coach, we delve into his own childhood experience of sexual abuse. Dr. Stevenson shares the personal work he has undertaken to overcome his own shame and how he has assisted others in their healing journeys. We also explore how unresolved trauma can profoundly affect one's interpersonal relationships.

Among the podcasts I have hosted, I firmly believe it is crucial to foster an environment where we can openly share our experiences. By doing so, we can offer support to others who may be facing similar challenges.

https://www.doctorgraham.co.uk/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Christine Baumgartner was an experienced dating and relationship coach when her husband died six years ago. Little did she realize back then that her own experience navigating grief, confusion, and reconnection would ultimately lead her to coach other widowers.

In this episode, we discuss the unique experience of dating after loss, especially around body confidence and sexual dysfunction. Christine offers great tips on overcoming feelings of not feeling as fit and frisky as earlier in life, and how she works with both men and women to help them stop chasing unsuitable partners and find "the perfect catch."

The good news is that many of Christine's clients have discovered there are safe and proactive ways to re-enter the dating world that truly work.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Perfect Catch/Facebook

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@coachchristinebaumgartner/ Instagram

@ThePerfectCatch)/Twitter

Coach Christine Baumgartner/ YouTube

In this week's episode, I delve into the topic of finding love as a woman aged 50 and above. Joining me as a guest is Lisa Copeland, a dating coach and the founder of Find a Quality Man, based in Cleveland, Ohio. Lisa brings her firsthand experience of seeking love later in life, having been married for over 20 years.

Having spent more than 20 years navigating the world of dating, I understand that at this stage in life, we may seek a different kind of relationship than our younger years. However, it's common to fall into the trap of holding onto the old Cinderella concept, believing in instant attraction and the idea that someone out there will sweep us off our feet.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

During my conversation with Lisa, I thoroughly enjoyed exchanging dating stories and gaining insights on avoiding online dating scams. We also discussed strategies for navigating the crucial first date and the essential questions to ask during that initial meeting.

Ultimately, it boils down to knowing what you truly desire. If you're uncertain about your own wants and needs, it's unlikely that you'll find a high-quality partner. So, to all the single individuals out there, I wish you fruitful searching, and I hope you find value in this episode!

https://findaqualityman.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisacopelanddatingcoach

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/lisaacopeland/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/copelandlisa

Instagram: www.instagram.com/over50datecoach

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKghu6KAXE2TecDc7SGygZg

A friend suggested that I celebrate Episode 100 of this podcast by reuniting my former co-hosts, Peter Marriott and Zoe Kors. Since Peter and I started recording the podcast in June, much has changed - some of it good and some not-so-good.

For a start, Peter moved to Sheffield, where he had been a lecturer at the University for many years. He is rekindling old friendships, making lots of new ones, and dabbling in the local kink scene.

Zoe, meanwhile, is on the verge of launching a new course, Practical Intimacy for Couples, is writing her memoir (!), and, from the sound of it, has a full roster of clients.

I’m also juggling the increasing demands of hosting this podcast alongside my new role as UK Sales & Marketing Director for Firmtech, singing and co-facilitating Startup School for Seniors.

I hope you enjoy this particular episode. And if you appreciate the work we all have put in, please consider becoming a paid subscriber, which will help contribute to the running costs while helping to enhance and support the sex lives of older people. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, I'm having a conversation with sex coach Marie Morice, who uses the female archetype of Lilith to help women embrace their sexuality. I'm familiar with Lilith because I've read Monique Roffey's book, 'The Tryst.' It's a modern fable where Lilah's arrival transforms a couple's relationship, loosely based on Lilith's persona. So I was curious to talk to Marie and learn about her perspective on Lilith and how it influences her work.

Marie is based in London and works with many older women. Some of her clients want to gain sexual confidence, while others who are in relationships want to enhance their sexual experiences.

I encourage you to listen to the conversation, and if you have any questions or comments for Marie or me, please let me know!

As always, I appreciate your support. I'll be adding an extra post each week exclusively for paid subscribers. These posts will usually be sex toy reviews, but they could also be answers to your questions. Do consider supporting Sex Advice for Seniors via a paid subscription if possible.

You can read about Marie’s forthcoming novel: https://manhuntinginmanhattan.com/

Find Marie’s website here: lilithyourlife.com

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this week's episode, we interview Suki Dunham, the creator of the first device that combines music and vibrations, developed in 2006. Since then, she has developed a wide range of innovative sexual pleasure products under her brand, OhMiBod.

During the interview, we discuss Suki's career journey, from her time at Apple to her decision to start a sex tech business. We also delve into her latest creation, the Lovelife Rev, a specially designed toy for older individuals or those who may experience arthritis. Lastly, we touch upon the importance of being cautious when purchasing a sex toy to ensure that the materials used are safe and won't cause harm.

We are thrilled to announce that OhMiBod is now a sponsor of Sex Advice for Seniors. Both OhMiBod and our team believe in spreading the message that people can enjoy fulfilling sexual experiences, regardless of their age.

If you’d like to help us spread the word and keep Sex Advice for Seniors going, click on any of our affiliate links in the shop section. We’ll receive a small commission for anything you purchase.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I came across Maria Cyndi's Instagram profile recently, where she has started advocating for and celebrating the sexual rights of disabled people. I immediately felt that we should have her on our show. In the past, when Peter was a co-host, we did touch upon this topic, mainly from a male perspective as he lives with MS.

However, we believed it was important to approach the subject again, this time from a female point of view. During our conversation with Maria, we discussed many aspects that we hadn't previously explored.

One clear observation we made is that when it comes to inclusivity, particularly regarding sexual rights, older disabled women face significant challenges. There seems to be an assumption that they are asexual. Maria shared her personal experiences, including a visit to the doctor for a smear test that left her feeling uncertain, as well as another instance where her disability made it difficult for the radiographer to obtain a complete picture of her breasts during a mammogram.

If you want to follow Maria on Instagram and support her work, you can do so here:

https://instagram.com/maria_cyndi02

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s fascinating guest is Dr. Eliot Justin, CEO and founder of FirmTech, a wearable tech company which has created an innovative cock ring, that provides men with information about their nocturnal erections, a leading indicator of vascular health.

Did you know that a healthy man will have 3-5 nocturnal erections each night? And that erectile dysfunction is not just a later-in-life problem; 30% of men at the age of 30 suffer from ED. This number increases by 10% every decade of age. As Dr. Justin explains, ED can be caused by several factors including taking antidepressants and other medication, but several studies have shown that a man with ED has a greater risk of having heart disease.

We’ve spoken about penis pumps as a way to improve penile health, but cockrings have also been shown to help maintain the blood in the penis, leading to longer-lasting erections. While most are quite rudimentary in design, FirmTech is producing something quite superior, with its MaxPR product, featuring an innovative easy on/off hook and latch design that can be comfortably worn for up to 90 minutes.

We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it with Eliot.

If you want to test any of FirmTech’s products, use the code SEXWITHNOBLE to get 10% off any product from their site here.

* Website – myfirmtech.com

* LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliot-justin-md/

* Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/myfirmtech/

* Code – “SEXWITHNOBLE” to receive 10 per cent off their next order

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, and it happened this week. I found myself being targeted by a group of (I assume) Far Right, conservative men who took offence to my suggestion that excessive consumption of pornography could have negative effects on one's sex life.

As one would expect, this rather unremarkable and self-evident observation triggered a barrage of abusive comments. Fortunately, those comments have been deleted, and the individuals responsible have been blocked. This all unfolded on Facebook because TikTok has a more effective system for removing hate speech compared to Meta.

Despite claiming that I didn't care and wasn't paying attention, I couldn't help but notice as the notifications kept pouring in, one after another, each one mentioning my supposed lack of attractiveness, my delivery style being off-putting, or whatever else these trolls deemed worthy of commenting on.

This week has been significant in various ways, mostly positive. A writer from the Mail newspaper featured me as a "granfluencer," even though I don't have grandchildren. Additionally, the Sun newspaper wrote today about my passion for experiencing orgasms, with or without a partner.

Furthermore, we have secured a sponsor who will assist in covering the costs of running this podcast, and we will be collaborating with them on TikTok. The sponsor is OhmiBod, and together we aim to "Shift the Evolution of Pleasure." I'll be trying out some of their products, including the Lovelife Rev, which boasts an innovative design that is particularly suitable for women with arthritis. Go and check them out.

All of these topics and more are discussed in this week's episode. Listen in and if you fancy subscribing for £4.99/month or £49.99/year to support our work and because you believe that what we do to help older people have a healthier sex life is worth the price of a cup of coffee, do consider becoming a paid subscriber. Every penny counts.

Suzanne

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

We were delighted to have a very special guest on the show this week, Dr. Lauren Streicher MD, talking primarily about the research findings from the recently published ‘Kinsey Institute survey, executed in exclusive partnership with Cosmopolitan, in which a national demographically representative sample of 3,001 women in the U.S. ages 60 and up come clean about everything from their desire for sex to their deepest fantasies.’

Dr Streicher is a gynaecologist and sexual health expert. She is an associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. She is also a Senior Research Fellow of the Kinsey Institute of Indiana University and the Medical Director of Patient Education and Community Outreach for Midi Health. She hosts her podcast, Dr. Streicher’s Inside Information

https://www.drstreicher.com/about

https://www.drstreicher.com/podcast#episodes

LinkedIn @DrStreicher

Instagram @DrSTREICH 

@MidiHealth

Facebook @DrStreicher

Dr. Streicher’s Inside Information books

Midi Health

We need your help! Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Every new subscriber is two fingers up to a society who continue to ignore the sexual rights of older people.

Avoiding pornography is nearly impossible nowadays, unlike in the past when it was only accessible in XXX cinemas or hidden behind the counter in seedy magazine shops. Today, it's readily available on your phone, laptop, and home computer, allowing you to find whatever you desire with just a few keystrokes.

While there's a lot of discussion about how young people are learning about sex from pornography, there's not as much focus on the harm it can cause to older individuals, both those in long-term relationships and those entering the dating scene. Particularly for men, if they've been without a partner for a significant amount of time, pornography can serve as a way to relieve sexual frustration. This doesn't mean that women aren't affected by it as well, but the statistics suggest that it's more of a problem for men.

The Sex Advice for Seniors TikTok channel has received numerous comments from women over the past 18 months, asking for advice on how to prevent their male partners from watching porn. In this episode, we discuss how to identify a porn addiction and the steps you can take to rebuild intimacy in your relationship.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, pay for our ongoing running costs, why not become a free or paid subscriber?

One of the most popular questions we have been asked is how do you keep sex alive in a long-term relationship? As Zoe says, when you’ve known someone for 150 years, and they are no longer mysterious, it’s common for sex to go out the window. And this is especially true if your bodies are no longer the shape they were when you met your partner, and your libido isn’t what it used to be either.

But, as the cliche goes, if there’s a will, there’s a way. And couples that want to have more sex, or any sex at all, are in a far better position to make that happen than those for whom it’s no longer critical (which is fine, by the way, too).

It's important to remember that sex in a long-term relationship is not solely defined by novelty or physical appearance. While maintaining a passionate and fulfilling sex life can be challenging over time, it is undoubtedly possible with open communication, creativity, and a willingness to adapt.

Prioritising intimacy and emotional connection outside the bedroom can significantly enhance sexual intimacy. Ultimately, the key is to accept that the person you are now is different to the person you were in your earlier years. By understanding and accepting your older sexual self, you can discover new ways to be intimate in later life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This covers our ongoing costs for recording software Riverside.fm, and subscriptions to platforms such as Podstatus, Databox, and Repurpose.io, which keep the engine running. We don’t pay ourselves but that would be welcome in the future as it all takes time.

If you’ve ever wondered what a sexologist actually does, you’re about to find out as co-host Zoe Kors explains her work as a sex and intimacy coach.

While she explains that sometimes issues, such as a mismatched libido, may be relatively easy to solve (in some cases), in most cases, having better sex can mean overcoming shame, trauma or abuse. Better sex is usually about more than technique, but in becoming liberated from whatever hangups, compulsions or fears may be preventing you from being fully present with yourself or another.

It’s work that is varied and complex, not easy to categorise as it traverses psychotherapy and sexual therapy.

If you’re struggling to have a healthy sex life or want a better sex life, she currently has a few slots open for new clients.

Listen and learn. :)

If you are seeking couples coaching or want to an individual session with Zoë Kors, you can find her at:

https://www.zoekors.com/

Buy her book Radical Intimacy from Amazon here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This covers our ongoing costs for recording software Riverside.fm, and subscriptions to platforms such as Podstatus, Databox, and Repurpose.io, which keep the engine running. We don’t pay ourselves but that would be welcome in the future as it all takes time.

This week, we share our personal experiences of some of the more bizarre perversions we have encountered in our lives and our attitude towards them. While not all perversions can be directly attributed to the widespread use of pornography, it is undoubtedly a contributing factor.

Additionally, experiences from our youth, when our sexual template was being formed, may also play a part in how we experience sexual pleasure.

What happens when our partner’s need for specific scenarios goes beyond what we are happy to do or gives us pleasure? How do we reconcile our sexual desires with our love for another?

We welcome your comments and thoughts.

As we head into the New Year, we are also considering what else we can do to help those who want to enhance their sex life, either with a partner or on their own. We have some ideas that we’ll be sharing with you shortly, so keep subscribing and listening. :)

If you are seeking couples coaching or want to an individual session with Zoë Kors, you can find her at:

https://www.zoekors.com/

Buy her book Radical Intimacy from Amazon here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I met Mo in Las Palmas six months ago when she told me about her desire to open a co-working space there. Well, it opened two weeks ago! So, I decided to take the opportunity to talk to her about her dating life while on a six-day trip there.

Although there’s more than a 10-year age gap between us, we share our frustration and the problems that come with trying to find a partner using an app. As someone who has tried various apps over the years, I've become increasingly frustrated with the superficial and ineffective nature of online dating. It seems I’m not alone, as multiple articles have been published recently about their ineffectiveness.

While Mo comes from the ‘Hot or Not’ days, and my history dates back to a very early dating site/erotic magazine called Nerve, we have noticed how swiping reduces people to their physical attributes and tries to ‘gamify’ the whole experience. The matching algorithms feel so shallow as if they're more focused on looks than actual compatibility.

Another major problem is the lack of meaningful communication. It's become so common for people to simply "ghost"—disappear without any explanation. This is incredibly disheartening and makes the whole dating process feel like a draining chore rather than an opportunity to find a genuine connection.

Mo and I agree that in-person interaction is so important in dating. There's an energy and chemistry that can't be captured on a screen.

This episode gets at the heart of our frustrations with modern dating. I hope it encourages listeners to approach finding a partner in a more holistic and authentic way rather than relying solely on these flawed dating apps. The right connection is out there; we just have to be willing to try to find it!

This week, we confront the question of what happens when looking after our parents takes priority over looking after our intimate relationships with our partner.

Five weeks ago, Zoe’s 94-year-old mother had a fall, which left her with fractured vertebrae. Until that time, she had been relatively independent, but her injury left her unable to look after herself, and, as a result, Zoe has been thrust into the world of the American care system.

Those who live in a country where elderly care is a right and not a privilege may not recognise the challenge that many Americans face when dealing with later life, where overwhelming paperwork and onerous deductibles on insurance policies are the norm.

Since we’re Sex Advice for Seniors and not How to Navigate the American Health Care System, we talk about how to make time for your relationship, how you can help a partner who is dealing with similar issues and support them in ways that don’t necessarily lead to penetrative sex. And finally, how to recognise that it’s alright not to feel sexy all the time when you have other priorities in your life!

We’ll take a break to enjoy the holidays next week and back in January. So we hope that wherever you are, you can take some time out to look after yourself and your relationship if you’re in one and spend quality time with your friends and family.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In Zoe’s absence, I interviewed Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, author of multiple books including Sex, God, & the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy . Her latest book is Shameless Parenting – Everything You Need to Raise Shame-free, Confident, Kids and Heal Your Shame Too!

It’s almost impossible to separate shame from sex especially if you were brought up in a religious household that preached abstinence until marriage. Or if your sex education suggested that sex was bad and that good girls shouldn’t enjoy it. So it should come as no surprise that in later life, many women especially choose to stop doing it because if it wasn’t pleasurable in the first place, why continue?

What becomes clear during our conversation is that it’s never too late to have pleasurable sex and to help our children grow up to have healthy intimate relationships and ‘heal through the paralysing prison of shame.’

Instagram: @DrTinaShameless

Facebook: facebook.com/TinaSSellers

LinkedIn: drtinaschermesellers

For booking go to: www.tinaschermersellers.com/contact

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

One of the benefits of growing older, if you haven’t already tried it, is discovering kink. There’s no expiration date on exploring alternative lifestyles, if you’ve always been vanilla. In this week’s episode, Zoe shares her experience with visiting a ‘Dom’ stemming initially from her professional interest before turning personal.

Unlike adult lifestyles such as swinging, BDSM rarely involves sexual intercourse; the pleasure comes from impact play and other techniques that may involve using electricity, ticklers, clamps, blindfolds or restraints to heighten the senses.

A word of caution - there are many fraudsters out there who, having seen Fifty Shades of Grey one too many times, confuse BDSM with the right to take advantage of their sub ignoring boundaries and consent. Before you agree to meet someone who advertises themselves as a ‘Dom,’ take proper precautions such as meeting for the first time at one of the many ‘munches,’ a place for kinksters to meet in social, non-kinky spaces.

If you like this or any of our previous episodes, you can show your love by becoming a subscriber. For the price of a coffee, you can help pay our costs and, although we won’t guarantee we won’t keep you up all night, you won’t wake up with the jitters. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Last week I (Suzanne) was lucky enough to be invited to a party for Substackers, where I metProf Paul Dolan who is a behavioural scientist and has his own Substack, where he examines the science behind happiness. This week he wrote a short piece about escaping narrative traps, which inspired this episode about relationships in later life.

It’s easy if you’re a single woman (or man) seeking a relationship, to desire a partnership similar to the one you may have had in your younger days because of its familiarity. These relationships often served the purpose of bringing up children, maintaining a family or working for financial reasons because splitting the rent on a one-bed apartment is cheaper than as a single person.

Later life relationships, as we discuss, can be different. You may want companionship more than sex, or sex more than companionship. Maybe you want to live apart but be together. Perhaps you want to be polyamorous. Faced with choices, we consider how this stage of our life gives us the opportunity to be more expansive in how we relate to others, rather than sticking with the same old script.

If you like this podcast, you can support us in two ways - spread the word and share with anyone you know who might enjoy listening or become one of our founder subscribers. We’ll be introducing new benefits in the coming year to help enhance your sex life, along with special offers.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week’s episode was sparked by a man Suzanne met who enjoyed providing a running narrative while they were enjoying intimacy. Although not adverse to dirty talk, this stream of consciousness became distracting. Nevertheless, it helped to get the endorphins flowing, heightened the meeting, and provided the occasional sigh for a couple of days after as she recalled what they had done.

Dirty talk can have that effect, but how to do it, communicate with each other about what does or doesn’t turn you on about it, can mean the difference between super hot sex or becoming wholly turned off.

Zoe has taught workshops on how to get started with dirty talk and shares some of our experience helping couples in this area. It’s not as straightforward as you imagine, especially regarding the words you choose and when to use them.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. If you have enjoyed this podcast or any others, please consider becoming a subscriber and helping pay for our hosting and other costs.

This week’s episode was prompted by a phone-in question on an Irish radio station in which Suzanne recently appeared. The question was from a woman who had a higher sex drive than her (male) partner and was struggling to have her needs met in the relationship.

We often hear from older men who report that their partner, who is typically menopausal or post-menopause, no longer has the same desire for sex in the relationship they had during their younger days. However, what happens when the tables are turned?

We know that reigniting sex in a long-term relationship can be hard, especially if you have found talking about sex difficult. Additionally, the changes that take place in the body, can create a sense of shame. Whether it’s erections that are not always reliable, saggy skin or simply that you have grown up to believe that old people shouldn’t have sex, there are numerous reasons why having sex in later life can be challenging.

We welcome your comments and questions.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

After Sam Evans, co-owner of sex toy and pleasure shop Jo Divine, wowed us with her knowledge of lubes, sex toys for girls and overcoming challenges brought on by menopause, we thought we’d ask her partner Paul to give us his thoughts on toys for older men, male sexual health issues and other stuff.

I suspect when most people think of men’s sex toys, they immediately think of the Fleshlight, but men’s toys have moved on since then. Now there are various vibrating penis sleeves, prostate massagers, vibrating and not-vibrating cock rings and anal beads. And stick around until the end, when you’ll hear all about the benefits of using a water-filled penis pump! Who knew??

Paul is a mine of information and clearly could have happily spoken for far longer on pleasure devices for men, so if you do have any questions, be sure to send him a message, and I know he will be happy to answer them.

Do check out JoDivine.com, where you’ll find a range of super sexy and safe toys for both men and women. There’s a 10% time-limited discount code - SAS10 (£5 minimum spend on full-priced products excluding P&P) ENDS 03/11/23

You’ll find lots of information about the Bathmate Penis Pump here too:

https://www.jodivine.com/blogs/bathmate-long-term-review

Sex Advice for Seniors is a listener-supported podcast. If you’d like to contribute to our running costs and help us to keep spreading the word about the benefits of sex in later life, then become a subscriber. It’s only £4.99/month. What else gives you so much pleasure for so little?

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week has been all about Suzanne’s night sweats, frequent need to pee and feeling generally miserable. Hello urinary tract infection. Ladies of a certain age and men too might want to consider some of the contributing causes, and it’s not all about wiping in the wrong direction. Someone else’s saliva may also make its way into the urethra which is even more likely if the person in question, considers that inserting his tongue as far up one’s vagina as possible is supremely horny.

Horny for who, Zoe and Suzanne ask. Maybe in some ideal porn world where women seem to writhe in pleasure upon a man’s tongue going anywhere near their pussy, but we like our oral sex a bit more clit and less cervix focussed. Just saying.

If you like listening to us ramble on about topics that most women wouldn’t talk about in the toilet with their best friend much less on a podcast with a global reach, send us some Dutch courage in the form of £4.99/month. The sooner we can clear Peter’s bar bill every month, the happier we’ll be.

Thanks to Peter Marriott for editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

A bit out of the usual episode, this week we talk to psychotherapist Caroline Bobby who spent 10 years, from 2007 to 2017, ‘stroking naked men.’ She reflects on this period of her life, her motivation for engaging with men in this way and what occurred during those years.

Sex work is laden with judgement, but Caroline’s experience of using psychotherapy and the power of touch, to open doors to intimacy, is the complete opposite of performative role-playing. Her work instead speaks to the transformative power of genuine human connection.

We encourage you to listen with an open mind and heart.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a volunteer-run podcast with the aim of helping older people have a healthier and happier sex life. If you would like to support our running costs, please consider taking out a subscription. For the price of a cup of coffee, you can ensure we are able to continue. :)

Thanks to Peter Marriott for the editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

What do you do if you’re an older woman with a declining libido?

If you’re Suzanne, you go to a swinging club to rev it up. While this may not be everyone’s idea of a good time, if you have an open mind and the ability to say ‘no’ when called for, it can be a fun way to spend a night and become aroused.

In this episode, Suzanne shares her experience of going to a club, near Heathrow, with a playmate and a couple. She talks about the rules of engagement, her attitude towards swapping and how playing Jenga can be an icebreaker!

Zoe suggests that there are different ways to approach the experience - whether that’s sitting back and watching, or being watched. And how setting boundaries and sticking to them can be an interesting form of self-development.

If you’ve never been to a swinging club and wonder what it must be like, have a listen!

We’d appreciate if you would subsidise the time and effort it takes, not to mention the cost of the field research, to create this weekly podcast, by upgrading from a free to paid subscription. For a price of a cup of coffee, you contribute to helping older people to have a happier and, potentially, more expansive sex life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I met Leora Lightwoman by chance at the launch party for Monique Roffey's new book, Passiontide, which I highly recommend as a great summer read. Leora's name had come up over the years within the tantra community, so I was delighted when she booked to come on the show and talk about her work. Softly spoken, Leora exudes calmness, which explains why she is highly sought after by those who want to deepen their intimacy and connection with their partner.

Tantra has had a negative reputation over the years, and I know from speaking to many "tantric practitioners" that its definition can vary greatly from person to person. As someone who has explored this practice and enjoyed techniques I've read about in the classic "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margot Anand and learned from practitioners such as Jahnet Delight, I was pleased to learn that Leora had studied with Anand, which suggested we would be on the same page discussing tantra.

During our conversation, Leora delves into practical tips for using tantra, easy exercises for beginners, and what couples can expect when they come to her for relationship counselling.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported weekly newsletter. If you believe that maintaining a healthy and happy sex life in later years is important, and you want more people to feel confident about exploring sexual pleasure as they age, consider becoming a subscriber.

Buy Leora’s Book, Tantra: The Path to Blissful Sex, here.

You can find Leora here:

https://diamondlighttantra.com/

https://www.facebook.com/DiamondLightTantra

Just a short while ago, the idea of older individuals dating, kissing, or engaging in sexual activities was considered quite gross. However, now it has become a topic of great interest in both the United States with the recent introduction on television of the Golden Bachelor, and in the United Kingdom with My Mum, Your Dad.

The notable distinction between shows like Love Island and First Dates, which primarily target younger individuals, and these new programmes catering to older participants is that the older contestants don't seem to anticipate achieving Instagram fame, securing sponsorship deals with Boohoo, or being discovered by talent agencies. Their sole objective is to find a suitable partner, plain and simple.

We generally perceive this as a positive development, although the concept of being confined in a house with 30 women competing for the affection of a single man may appear sexist to us. However, if it generates entertaining television and helps more individuals realise that there is no age limit to finding love, then what harm does it really cause? We’re looking forward to seeing how all of this pans out.

If you like this podcast and would like to help support its running costs which include software subscriptions, hosting and our time putting it all together, please consider being a paid-for subscriber. We’ll happily show you some love on our sponsorship page or a privately recorded message - if that’s your thing. :)

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is probably our most explicit episode yet, so you may want to listen to this one when you’re not at work.

Can you talk about the penis when you don’t have one? Well, why not, we say? As two women who enjoy giving men oral sex, we ask how important is technique versus enthusiasm. We talk about the male pleasure zones, including the scrotum, the frenulum, the perineum and the prostate. And nipples.

We discuss some of our encounters and what excites us when it comes to giving head and what’s a real turn-off. It’s a fun and frank episode, and we both enjoyed talking about this, so I hope you enjoy it too!! You have been warned…

If you enjoyed this, why not consider becoming a subscriber and paying towards our running costs? For the price of one cup of mocha coffee from Black Sheep on Baker Street (that’s in London), you can buy a monthly subscription! And consider how much more nutritious we are than that.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

What is consent, and how do you make sure that, when it comes to sexual intimacy, there’s mutual consent? Mostly, it’s black and white - yes means yes and no means no. But what happens if one or both people are not in complete control of their facilities? Could a yes be a no once the booze or drugs have worn off?

Or what happens if you like your sex on the kinky side, how familiar are you with safe words and knowing when to use them?

In this frank discussion, Zoe shares her challenges around consent. She shares how to practise consent with oneself to make it easy with others. We talk about how porn has influenced and greyed the area of consent and how becoming more confident with age, can help to create clearer boundaries.

If you like this and our other episodes, please consider becoming one of our paid-for subscribers. Your subscription helps to pay for our recording equipment and may, one day, support those of us who currently do this voluntarily, includingPeter Marriott, our illustrious editor!

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

While Zoe is away at a yoga retreat, I thought it would be fun to hear from former co-host Peter about what life has been like since he moved to Sheffield. So, not so much sex from him, but a much happier-sounding Peter enjoying his new environment.

While this podcast is dedicated to sex and sexual pleasure, Peter points out how much one’s living circumstances and personal happiness can help alleviate the desire for sex. Not that the feeling goes away, but perhaps it’s not so urgent when one is less lonely.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

We appreciate your contributions towards our running costs and helping more people enjoy a healthier, happier sex life. Please consider becoming a subscriber.

When it comes to sex toys, lube and stuff designed to enhance sexual pleasure, there’s no shortage of products from which to choose. But how can you ensure that what you’re using isn’t causing more harm than good?

Samantha Evans co-founded the sex toy shop Jo Divine, and many of her customers are older. As a former nurse, she is used to discussing intimate issues, and she’s on a mission to remove the taboo around older people and sex by being open and honest about her own challenges.

During this frank conversation, Sam shared her expertise around choosing sex toys and lube, what to avoid and why choosing the right products can mean the difference between having good sex or ending up with a bad case of thrush or worse.

We talk about some of the difficulties her customers have faced when discussing sex with medical professionals, how the NHS is not well equipped in this area, with many doctors and nurses shying away from the topic or simply providing lousy advice.

If you want to check out Jo Divine, Sam has given Sex Advice for Seniors listeners a limited-time discount of 10%.

Use code is SAS10 (£5 minimum spend on full-priced products excluding P&P) ENDS 06/10/23. Click here to go to the site.

We welcome your comments and your sharing of this post.

We are entirely voluntarily run, and your low-cost subscription helps to keep the wheels churning, the various software subscriptions paid, and for us to continue our mission to help older people have a healthier and happier sex life. Do consider supporting us if you are able.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Dating profiles. They’re a minefield of bad photos (typically, but not always, of men), half-truths and outright lies. But today’s episode is only partly about that because we’ve covered dating in the past, and we know that for many people, it’s a massive time suck that leads to nothing but disappointment.

It doesn’t have to be, however, if you start off as you mean to go on. In this episode, we talk about what it means to date with intent, think about what you want in a relationship, and consciously swipe past those who don’t fit your criteria, no matter how hot they may be.

We discuss the challenge of setting clear boundaries when there’s a mismatch. And also about how lying may be OK in the context of age as long as you are open and honest early on about the actual number.

We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the dating world.

Posts over two weeks old are now in the Sex Advice for Seniors archive, and there’s a treasure trove of great stuff to uncover there. If you like your podcasts nice and juicy, consider that £4.99/month subscription money well spent.

Thanks to Peter Marriott for editing.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

One of the benefits of being an older, single person is to consider what type of future relationship you want (or not). Thanks to the apps like Feeld, where you can self-identify in so many ways, they provide their own glossary of terms, and you can decide whether or not monogamy is for you.

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is becoming an increasingly popular choice amongst younger people, but there’s no reason why it’s the sole preserve of the young. While it may seem, at first glance, to be one of those you-can-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too types of relationships, it requires a high degree of communication and trust.

In this week’s episode, we talk about what to consider if you want to be in an ethical non-monogamous relationship or if you want to be, as Suzanne self-identifies, single-ish.

We have also introduced a very low-cost subscription. For the cost of an expensive coffee or terrible glass of wine every month, you can now access any previous podcasts going back three weeks or more. We hope you will consider this as a way of helping to keep us going, cover our costs and remove the stigma of sex in later life.

Founder members can reach hundreds of subscribers by appearing on our sponsorship page.

Thank you to our Sponsor of the Week:

Nikki Kenward (Founder Member) is an Upledger CranioSacral Therapist, specialising in trauma, gut health and mental health. She is an author with years of experience in emotional stress and gut health. You can find out more about her here.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Let’s clarify - we don’t “give” each other orgasms. That’s the topic of this week’s podcast, where we talk about why we need to step away from the shitty narrative that says it’s the responsibility of one sexual partner to give the other an orgasm. It doesn’t matter what your gender is; being told, “I’m going to give you the greatest orgasm you ever had” (or some variation) can feel like a lot of pressure.

You may feel stressed, be on medication which makes having an orgasm challenging or, for instance, an older woman with depleted estrogen, all of which can contribute to your ability to orgasm.

Add to this the requirement to orgasm to satisfy a partner who associates having an orgasm with their own prowess - it’s time we stop considering an orgasm as the big goal in life and consider it instead as one of many ways to achieve pleasure.

Let’s consider how we can communicate what helps us to become aroused and work on ensuring that we meet those needs instead of trying to satisfy our fragile egos.

Thanks to our first few supporters who contributed to the running cost and the time commitment to producing this weekly podcast. It was a wonderful surprise to wake up to find you value what we do enough to dig into your pocket.

Check out our sex toy shop sunsetsatisfaction.com to explore sex toys, lubes and books to help enhance your intimate life.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Every woman’s experience of the menopause is different but, for many, it’s the impact on one’s libido that can come as a real shock. Along with hot flashes, fuzzy brain, Zoe and Suzanne discuss how the menopause affected them and how they have dealt with it.

HRT or Bio-Identical hormones can certainly help, but not all women want to or are able to take them.

If you’re single or in a new relationship, then you can start as you mean to go on with a new partner. But what happens in a long-term relationship when your sex life dries up?

We don’t have all the answers and we’re keen to hear from you as to how the menopause has changed the way you think about sex and sexual relationships.

Thanks to our sponsors Sunset Satisfaction - the sex toy and book shop for over 50s. Sunsetsatisfaction.com

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

Every woman’s experience of the menopause is different but, for many, it’s the impact on one’s libido that can come as a real shock. Along with hot flashes, fuzzy brain, Zoe and Suzanne discuss how the menopause affected them and how they have dealt with it.

HRT or Bio-Identical hormones can certainly help, but not all women want to or are able to take them.

If you’re single or in a new relationship, then you can start as you mean to go on with a new partner. But what happens in a long-term relationship when your sex life dries up?

We don’t have all the answers and we’re keen to hear from you as to how the menopause has changed the way you think about sex and sexual relationships.

Thanks to our sponsors Sunset Satisfaction - the sex toy and book shop for over 50s. Sunsetsatisfaction.com

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

I love to learn what motivates those working in sex education and as sex therapists/sexologists to choose this career path. For Austin Cresap, who works as a sex educator and sex therapist in Seattle, Washington, it was through numerous conversations with her grandma, now in her eighties.

Since training, she has become her grandma’s go-to person for discussing her intimate life, and Austin has, in turn, focused on the older generation as an aspect of her work.

There’s no cut-off date when it comes to learning about sex and intimacy. However, there is a shortage of information and interest from doctors in how to navigate one’s sex life when older, especially when it comes to people who may live with chronic pain or have a chronic illness. And it’s people such as Austin who can advocate for those who shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with medical professionals.

As Austin and I acknowledge, so many messages exist about what is or isn’t acceptable to do in later life. The more we can smash those taboos, reframe what older life can look like and embrace who we are, warts and all, the more we can continue to enjoy sex in a way that feels good for us.

You can find Austin at her website: www.icameheretotalktherapy.com

Instagram/TikTok: @icameheretotalk

You can find the accessible sex toy Austin recommends here: https://www.pushmobility.com.au/products/luddi-ziggy

Getting hard, getting it up, keeping it up. There are so many ways for the penis not to work; it’s a wonder when it does. Erectile dysfunction can happen to men of all ages, but the percentages increase when men hit 40.

There are many reasons for unreliable erections, but mostly they are psychological. Lack of confidence, fear, underlying trauma, stress, and anxiety can all prevent a man from having an erection and rarely because they’re not sexually attracted to their partner.

In this episode, Suzanne Noble and sexologist Zoë Kors discuss unreliable erections and what guys (and gals) can do about them. We’d love to hear your thoughts and recommendations for future episodes.

https://www.zoekors.com/

Our sex toy site: https://sunsetsatisfaction.com

Thanks for listening to Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work.

If you’re new to online dating, you’ll probably have encountered potential partners that look too good to be true. And, chances are, that’s because they typically are not what they appear.

In this episode, we look at a few red flags or people to avoid or be suspected of, especially if you’re seeking a relationship using the internet. We also talk about first-date red flags and other warning signs in those early days of dating.

There are plenty of wonderful people out there for you to meet, but best to be cautious until you’ve met and established whether there’s genuine chemistry and enough shared interests to sustain whatever type of relationship you seek.

Thanks for reading Sex Advice for Seniors! Subscribe for free to receive new episodes and support our work.