Explore every episode of the podcast Secrets of Happily Ever After: Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Couples
Dive into the complete episode list for Secrets of Happily Ever After: Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Couples. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
Rows per page:
50
1–50 of 371
Title
Pub. Date
Duration
E379 From Sexual Entitlement To Shared Sexual Responsibility
08 Sep 2026
00:22:45
Consent and autonomy matter in marriage, and nobody should feel pressured or coerced into sex. I also believe a monogamous couple can care for their shared sexual relationship without turning it into entitlement, duty, or a fight about who is “the problem”.
• the difference between sexual entitlement and sexual responsibility • how pressure after a “no” kills desire and creates obligation • why “low desire” is not an identity and what can shut desire down • reframing rejection so “no” becomes information not a crisis • questions that help both partners collaborate without defensiveness • using empathy, vulnerability, and accountability to talk about sex • seeing desire as a system and changing pursue-withdraw patterns • a simple conversation prompt to open the door gently
If you are looking for a great way to improve your connection, fun and intimacy in your marriage, consider doing the 14-Day Hotter Together Couple's Challenge. You can get all the details here: https://monicatanner.com/hotter.
If this conversation encouraged you, would you do me a favor and share it with someone you love? Your spouse, a friend, or another couple who could use a little hope today.
I share why so many married couples ruin desire by treating sex like a performance, then show how a playful mindset brings freedom back. We trade judgment for curiosity, build safety with boundaries, and start creating a sex life that fits us instead of chasing someone else’s standard.
• why pressure turns sex into scorekeeping and shuts down desire • how “play” changes the goal from performing to exploring together • why sexual chemistry is built and rebuilt across seasons of marriage • replacing judgmental questions with curiosity that invites honesty • taking turns leading connection and intimacy to create variety • why boundaries and an easy “no” make experimentation possible • talking about sex when nothing is expected to happen • the weekly mission question that sparks playful change • how the Hotter Together challenge turns insight into action • a preview of next week’s topic on entitlement versus responsibility
If you want some help making your connection more playful, go to: https://monicatanner.com/hotter and join the Hotter Together 14-day couples challenge.
If this conversation encouraged you, would you do me a favor and share it with someone you love? Your spouse, a friend, or another couple who could use a little hope today.
E377 Why “You Complete Me” Can Damage Your Marriage
25 Aug 2026
00:22:09
I'm talking about the famous “You complete me” line and explaining why it can be beautiful as a sentiment but damaging as a marriage blueprint. I show how owning our own happiness, stopping the quiet quit, and making small bids for connection can bring warmth back fast.
• the difference between sharing a richer life and feeling incomplete without your partner • how “you complete me” turns into emotional outsourcing and resentment • a personal example of craving validation and learning self validation • why happiness is an inside job even in an interdependent marriage • the signs of quietly quitting a marriage and why “why bother” is a red flag • the third option between forcing change and giving up: showing up differently • “try again” versus “try harder” and how to go first without carrying everything
If you feel like you might be quietly quiting in some aspect of your marriage and would like my help being more intentional, I created a 14-day simple challenge. Go to: https://monicatanner.com/hotter to check it out.
If this conversation encouraged you, would you do me a favor and share it with someone you love?
E376 The Three Skills That Predict Marriage Success and Intimacy
18 Aug 2026
00:17:55
This week I share the fastest way I can tell whether a couple will make progress, and it has little to do with how messy the problems look. I break down the E.V.A framework, three ingredients that turn stuck fights into real intimacy: empathy, vulnerability, and accountability.
• how repeating arguments form a painful loop of pursuit and shutdown • why “communicate better” advice fails without the right emotional foundation • what empathy actually sounds like and why it is not agreement • how to find the softer truth under anger, sarcasm, and criticism • why “underneath complaints are always requests” changes everything • how accountability ends defensiveness and scorekeeping • three self-check questions to review your last argument • a simple weekly challenge: pick one E.V.A skill and practice it
If this conversation encouraged you, would you do me a favor and share it with someone you love? Your spouse, a friend, or another couple who could use a little hope today.
E375: Turning Hot Takes Into Deeper Marriage Truths
11 Aug 2026
00:19:21
I'm kicking off Season 6 by turning Instagram comments and real marriage questions into deeper conversations about what actually builds a strong relationship. I'm sharing what Ben and I have learned about disagreement, repair, fun, trust, and why an extraordinary marriage doesn’t require perfection.
• the Season 6 format shift from reels to long-form depth • why “You complete me” can create unhealthy expectations • how to disagree without destroying safety • patterns I see in coaching like resentment disguised as sex issues • choosing accountability and curiosity over fixing your spouse • bringing back flirting, play, attraction and sex • facing betrayal, broken trust, loneliness and emotional shutdown with real skills
If this conversation encouraged you, would you do me a favor and share it with someone you love? Your spouse, a friend, or another couple who could use a little love today.
I'm closing out season 5 by naming a common marriage stressor: resentment that grows when one person carries the invisible load. I'm sharing my “offices” system that saved our teamwork in business and later brought clarity, relief, and more connection at home.
• resentment driven by carrying responsibility alone rather than the amount of work • how unclear ownership creates chaos, dropped balls, and constant stress • the “offices” approach to assign big responsibilities rather than scattered tasks • a real-life example using kids’ sports to define full ownership and reduce tension • Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play framework and the three parts of any task • why delegating execution is not the same as shared ownership of the mental load • questions that invite teamwork instead of scorekeeping and defensiveness • a summer practice list: compassionate curiosity, closing tabs, friendship, repair
I want you to sit down together and make a list of all the recurring responsibilities in your household. Then get to work on assigning ownership of those responsibilities.
If you have any questions about coaching and how it can bless your marriage, please email me: moni@monicatanner.com or book a call here: https://monicatanner.com/call.
Invisible Labor Is Real And It's Exhausting with Zach Watson
19 May 2026
00:37:39
Today, I talk with Zach Watson about how “helping” at home can still leave one partner carrying the mental load, and how naming invisible labor changes the way couples work together. We break down emotional labor, cognitive labor, and the Fair Play framework so we can close more tabs in our brains and show up as true partners.
• Zach’s “recovering man child” story and why humor lowers defensiveness • the hidden iceberg of cognitive labor and emotional labor behind visible chores • how Fair Play frames tasks as conception, planning, execution • why “I do the trash” often means only execution • dishes as a common flashpoint for mental load resentment • the “too many tabs open” analogy for overwhelm and burnout • how open tabs affect desire discrepancy and intimacy • practical tools like labeling the unseen work and using triple option defaults • trust building by showing your work before asking for help
If you're looking for a free two-week course, Zach offered his mental load basics, first two weeks out of the seven-week program that he has in mental mastery. https://www.skool.com/mentalloadbasics/about
How Mental Load Quietly Builds Resentment In Marriage
12 May 2026
00:16:47
In today's episode, I talk about the invisible work of love and why feeling appreciated for a day can still leave you feeling alone the rest of the week. I share how mental load becomes resentment, plus a simple way to make the unseen visible without blaming each other.
• Mother’s Day as a spotlight on unnoticed work • The mental, emotional and relational load that keeps life running • How being unseen turns into loneliness, unfairness and resentment • Why the gap grows even when there is real love • A personal story about carrying a heavy behind-the-scenes load • A conversation template that replaces blame with clear requests • The listener challenge: a 10-minute talk to name one unseen task
So make sure at the end of this episode you click the link in the show notes to get your Marriage Bundle HERE. At least check it out, because I guarantee you're gonna love it. But you've got to act before Sunday, May 17th.
Today, I share 24 hard-earned lessons from 24 years of marriage, from building love maps to repairing after conflict. The biggest shift comes when we stop trying to be right and start choosing curiosity, clear requests, and respect for our differences.
• love is something we build intentionally rather than find • updating love maps as we both keep changing • harmony, disharmony, and repair as the normal relationship cycle • trust built through repair instead of easy seasons • arguments as signals of deeper needs to be seen and valued • choosing understanding over being right, including yes and language • two subjective realities and why curiosity creates compassion • intimacy shaped by daily connection, playfulness, and freedom from pressure • stop hinting and testing, start making clear requests and teaching your partner how to love you • avoiding apathy with small consistent effort • aiming for an intimate friendship and passionate partnership • honoring differences as the source of passion and a path to intimacy
If this episode resonates with you, please reach out. You can find me on Instagram @monitalksmarriage or email me at Moni@monicatanner.com.
How To Deal With Your Stuff So Your Kids Don’t Have To with Eli Harwood
28 Apr 2026
00:28:45
In this week's episode with my friend, Eli Harwood, we talk about how our unhealed wounds show up in parenting and how healing can change what our kids inherit. We share stories, practical repair language, and why self-compassion and community support matter more than getting everything right.
• Monica’s story of divorce, absence, and later healing • Eli’s family experience with mental health support and growth • why it’s never too late to deal with your emotional baggage • cycle breaking through small choices and showing up differently • repair as the difference between hurt and long-term harm • perfectionism as a hidden source of pressure in parent-child bonds • using self-compassion instead of shame to create change • why kids need other trusted adults and a wider support system • how the book’s chapters match real emotions like anxiety and regret • trusting your intuition and trusting your kids
Go grab Eli's new book: How to Deal with Your Stuff So Your Kids Don't Have To on Amazon or anywhere books are sold.
In this week's episode, I name the messy middle of a relationship reset and explain why falling into an old fight can be evidence of growth instead of failure. I'm sharing a simple three-step framework to help us respond differently, protect connection, and build a stronger couple identity through repair.
• reframing “nothing’s changing” as an opportunity to do it differently • treating the return of conflict as the work rather than a setback • shifting from reacting to taking responsibility without shame or blame • using the power question: how do I want to respond differently • moving from winning the argument to protecting the connection • using the power question: how do I protect us right now • focusing on who we are becoming as a couple instead of “is this working” • modelling rupture and repair so kids learn healthy relationship skills • breaking generational dysfunction and trauma through consistent repair
Make sure you're sending these episodes to your partner and start having these conversations together. I would love to hear about your experiences with the relationship reset.
Get help by downloading my FREE Get Lucky Guide here --> https://monicatanner.com/getlucky
Today, I'm responding to a listener who’s doing the work to reconnect but still feels a lingering disconnect with his partner. I show how protective patterns keep couples stuck, then share a simple three-step way to interrupt the loop and get back to real closeness.
• why a relationship can feel off even with effort • how protective patterns form through hurt and unmet needs • the “adaptive child” and losing strategies like defensiveness or retaliation • naming the pattern so we fight the loop, not each other • slowing down in real time to interrupt tension • translating criticism into the vulnerable need underneath • building lasting connection through awareness and shared language
Go check out my 14-day Hotter Together challenge at: https://monicatanner.com/hotter.
If this episode resonated with you, send it to your partner or set a time to listen to it together.
I’d love to hear what you’ve decided to name your pattern, so send me an email or reach out on social.
Spring invites us to clean out what’s stale in our marriage and start fresh without changing partners. I share a simple three-step relationship reset that replaces blame with honesty, turns complaints into clear requests, and builds momentum through one small win.
• spring cleaning mindset for marriage and relationships • why most couples are stuck rather than in crisis • step one naming disconnection honestly without blame • how criticism creates defensiveness and shuts down repair • finding the desire underneath a complaint • step two making requests stupidly specific and actionable • examples of clear asks for time, help and date nights • step three choosing one small repeatable win • why consistency creates momentum and rebuilds trust • prompts to ask yourself and how to go first
If this episode resonated with you, send it to your partner. Or better yet, suggest that you listen together. And if you decide to try the reset together, I want to hear about it. Shoot me a note on social media or send me an email and let me know what is the one small thing you're gonna do this week to initiate the change.
Don't forget to download the Get Lucky Guide at https://monicatanner.com/getlucky
Spark The Fling In A Faithful Marriage with Katie Runyan
31 Mar 2026
00:32:36
In this interview with Katie Runyan of Faithful Fling, we explore how faithful love gets hotter when you add playful novelty. Katie shows how role play dates can break roommate syndrome, wake up the erotic mind, and turn ordinary nights into lasting memories.
• safety and novelty as twin needs for desire • Katie’s origin story and the first costume • awkwardness as fuel for laughter and bonding • tapping the erotic mind with small cues • how to invite your partner to try it • preventing unmet expectations with separate guides • pursuer role swaps and first‑date butterflies • simple follow‑ups that create inside jokes • fringe dates for couples who prefer “themselves” • building a cadence for pattern interrupts
Visit www.faithfulfling.com and get your first role play date is FREE for 21 days. If you don’t love it, cancel before day 21 and you won’t be charged.
Stop Fighting About Sex And Start Enjoying It with Jessa Zimmerman
24 Mar 2026
00:33:22
In this interview with Jessa Zimmerman, we reframe desire discrepancy as normal, not a defect, and show how couples can move from pressure to play with clear tools, language, and empathy. She explains proactive vs reactive desire, why “no” should be celebrated, and how to build a buffet of intimate options.
• normalising libido differences across long-term relationships • shifting control dynamics away from pressure and blame • identifying health, stress, and relational obstacles to desire • understanding proactive and reactive desire patterns • starting with higher desire partner’s mindset and behaviours • redefining sex as shared pleasure over goal-driven outcomes • using the playground metaphor and “maybe” starts • broadening options between all and nothing • handling disappointment without punishment or withdrawal • practicing self-validation to reduce validation seeking • creating a safe container for exploration and communication • restoring hope through shared responsibility and small wins
You can go to www.intimacywithease.com for free resources, guides for higher and lower desire partners, and details on courses and therapy availability
In this week's episode, I'm talking about how to keep sex and connection from turning into a pressure-filled project by bringing back laughter, flirting, and lightness. I share why playfulness builds emotional safety and give three simple ways to create more “luck” in your love life.
• how seriousness turns intimacy into pressure • why laughter signals safety and reconnects couples • shifting from obligation to anticipation with small playful moments • the lap dance story and why imperfection can spark desire • three practical tools: flirt more, revive inside jokes, do something silly together
You can download the Get Lucky Guide by going to https://monicatanner.com/getlucky.
This week I explore why desire differences are normal, how pressure shuts things down, and how pursuit and emotional safety rebuild connection. I share the Yes And method, practical scripts, and a simple weekly check-in to help couples design intimacy that works for both of them.
• naming the rejection–pressure cycle • spontaneous desire vs responsive desire • why pressure kills desire and pursuit builds it • safety, choice, and autonomy as turn-ons • the Yes And method for intimacy talks • sample pursuit phrases and script swaps • a 20-minute weekly intimacy check-in • using green-light lists to set context
Download the Get Lucky Guide at https://monicatanner.com/getlucky
How to Get Lucky by Creating More Emotional Safety
03 Mar 2026
00:11:59
I'm kicking off a March series on “getting lucky” by showing why great intimacy isn’t luck at all. Real emotional safety and compassionate curiosity create the right context for desire to grow, and I'm giving you my Green Light Conversation tool to help you start.
• debunking the myth of effortless, spontaneous intimacy • how stress, resentment, and distraction cool desire • why desire needs safety and play to thrive • what blocks safety: criticism, pressure, feeling unseen • the rejection–pressure spiral between partners • shifting from obligation to compassionate curiosity • green light questions that build anticipation • listening without fixing or defending • emotional safety as real foreplay • practical ways to reduce pressure and increase appreciation • preview of desire discrepancy and upcoming interview
Go to https://monicatanner.com/getlucky to download the Get Lucky Guide
Dr. Gary Chapman On The Love Language That Matters Most
24 Feb 2026
00:28:59
Today I welcome Dr Gary Chapman to explore why love languages still matter and how dialects and personality shape whether love actually lands. We share a simple love tank ritual, a practical daily connection plan, and ways to listen without fixing so both partners feel seen.
• why dialects within the five love languages change impact • the attitude of love versus manipulation • the 0–10 love tank question and follow‑up • listening as posture, not problem‑solving • tailoring love to introvert and extrovert needs • the 20‑minute daily check‑in, weekly dates, annual getaway • seasons of marriage and updating dialects over time • stories showing sincerity missing without fluency • practicing a language you never received growing up
Go to www.5lovelanguages.com to take the free quiz or the premium assessment and to purchase Love Languages That Matter Most
Understanding Your Partner Doesn’t Mean Agreeing With Them
17 Feb 2026
00:17:41
This week, I'm sharing how compassionate curiosity turns conflict into connection and why understanding your partner does not require you to agree. Practical scripts, clear definitions, and real examples show how to stay on the same team while holding different views.
• use post‑Valentine’s expectations and disappointment as a chance to communicate • compassionate curiosity as the path to intimate friendship and passionate partnership • difference between understanding and agreement • story of taking a friend’s side and how stance changes feedback • faith shift case study and fear of being “tainted” by new views • ping pong versus softball dialogue and why pacing matters • both‑and language with sample phrases and questions • applying the tools to money, parenting, sex, and tech boundaries • building safety, respect and teamwork without forced consensus
Make sure that if this episode was helpful, you share it with a friend or leave a review.
Valentine’s Day Doesn’t Have to End in Disappointment
10 Feb 2026
00:17:33
This week, I'm talking about why February magnifies stress and how silent expectations turn Valentine’s Day into a painful guessing game. I share three steps, speak hopes out loud, name no‑gos, and define success together, plus simple date ideas and thoughtful, affordable gifts.
• February’s emotional slump and money stress • how silent expectations create resentment • say what you want in clear, specific words • name what you don’t want and offer alternatives • collaborate on a shared definition of success • low‑cost at‑home and out‑of‑home date ideas • practical gifts: date night journal, restocks, roleplay • honesty and safety as the path to intimacy
You’re Both Trying… You’re Just Missing Each Other
03 Feb 2026
00:17:36
This week, I'm sharing why generous effort can still miss the mark and how a simple meaning check turns intention into real connection. Practical scripts, everyday examples, and a clear path to feel loved without guesswork.
• early chemistry fading into real differences • clashing stories and nervous system triggers • feeling unloved versus being unloved • problem solving versus emotional presence • love as subjective; unique blueprints • five love languages as a starting point • the meaning check skill and script • starting small and scaling to bigger topics • appreciation to reinforce what works • monthly reset to review what lands
If this episode resonates, please write a review for the podcast and share it with someone you love who could use this information.
How Healthy Couples Use Conflict to Grow with Dana Che
27 Jan 2026
00:35:23
In this interview with Dana Che, we break the myth that happy couples don’t fight and show how conflict, handled well, can deepen intimacy. We share mindset shifts, practical language, and simple steps to move from defensiveness to understanding.
• redefining conflict as a growth path • the costs of avoidance and silent treatment • modern marriage and renegotiating roles • separating facts from feelings and stories • understanding over agreement as the goal • curiosity and vulnerability as a creation formula • practical I statements and safer starts • building trust to share real fears • how to be genuinely curious, not performative • scripts and next steps for tough talks
Today, I'm talking about how boundaries are a loving skill that prevents resentment and creates safety, respect, and passion. Clear, simple steps show how to set limits without threats, using everyday examples and a weekly challenge to practice.
• emotional regulation steps that precede boundary setting • common end-of-life regrets linked to people pleasing • redefining boundaries as self-care rather than control • how resentment replaces intimacy without clear limits • the mesh analogy: connected and protected • the sock example as a practical boundary script • structure: if or when X, I will Y • choosing action over explanation to reduce conflict • setting boundaries for tone, volume, and time protection • weekly challenge to pick one recurring frustration
If this episode was helpful for you, I would love if you would share it with a friend or a coworker or a loved one, somebody that you feel like could benefit from these relational skills.
Let me know what healthy boundaries you are setting this week. If you have questions about healthy boundaries, email me at: moni@monicatanner.com.
You Can’t Control Your Partner, But You’re Not Powerless
13 Jan 2026
00:12:26
This episode speaks directly to one of the most exhausting parts of being in a relationship: realizing you can’t control your partner and wondering what that means for you.
For a lot of people, that realization feels defeating. Like your hands are tied. Like you’re stuck waiting or reacting or hoping things improve.
This week I talk about why not being able to control your partner does not mean you are powerless. In fact, your real influence in a relationship has very little to do with managing or controlling other people and how you manage yourself, which is the real flex. I also mention:
• the regret of managing others instead of living authentically • what you can control versus what you can only influence • common control tactics that backfire in relationships • regulation over reactivity to build safety and trust • the three-step power move: pause, name, choose • my real-life gym moment from this morning • aligning responses with values and intentions
I'm setting a bold focus for this new season: choose who we will be in hard moments and build relationships with no regrets. I share five common end-of-life regrets, turn them into learnable skills, and give you a clear assignment to craft one specific intention for the year.
• the five most common relationship regrets are: silence, absence, guarded love, inauthenticity, unrepaired ruptures • skills for honest expression with loving power • rituals for presence and attention • vulnerability as a trainable skill • authenticity with empathy over people-pleasing • relationship cycles: harmony, disharmony, repair • spotting losing strategies like withdrawal, defensiveness, perfectionism • writing one specific, behavioral intention for hard moments • commit to practice and celebrate reps, not perfection
So if you feel like this is your year to really start working on your relationships, then I would encourage you to go to https://monicatanner.com/call and book a complimentary, no obligation, 30-minute relationship breakthrough to see if this would be a good time to start working together.
Send me an email, drop me a line on social, let me know what is your intention for this year.
The Game-Changing Gift Evree Spouse Will Love with Founders Justin and Natalie
18 Nov 2025
00:25:22
A great massage shouldn’t end with a mad dash to the shower. This week, I'm talking with Justin and Natalie Weeks, the creators of Evree, to share how a single sticky night pushed them into a six-year journey across labs, ingredients, and countless iterations to build a truly different kind of product: a natural massage cream that melts at body temperature, glides like a dream, doubles as a safe intimate lubricant, and leaves skin soft instead of slick.
We dig into why massage oils and lubricants are usually kept separate and why that causes real problems for couples. Many oils aren’t vaginally safe and can trigger irritation, while a lot of lubes feel clinical and messy when used for full-body touch. Justin and Natalie explain how they insisted on 100% natural ingredients, no sugars, and subtle flavors like coconut lime and pineapple orange that smell like the real thing. The whipped, spa-like texture avoids the drip-and-spill of pumps, and the clean finish means you can roll over and nap instead of stripping the bed.
I also share my own skeptic-to-believer moment: after trying Evree at home, the texture, the scent, and the non-sticky massage cream won me and my lotion-averse husband over. We talk about the emotional impact too: when mess and smell stop being barriers, couples say yes more often to touch, play, and intimacy. Evree’s discreet jar looks at home on a nightstand, travels easily at 3.4 ounces, and a little goes a long way, with most people repurchasing every three to four months.
If you care about natural ingredients, skin nourishment, and a stress-free path from massage to closeness, this conversation will change the game when it comes to intimacy and connection.
Get a 10% off discount at http://www.evreesensation.com/moni. Watch for holiday deals, and share this episode with a friend who’s ready to bring back playful, sensual, and pleasurable touch.
Finding Wisdom In The Wound with Tony Miltenberger
11 Nov 2025
00:34:37
We explore how prolonged stress can turn small cracks into deep canyons and how couples can explore those canyons together with empathy, curiosity, and clear practices. Tony shares tools for moving from emotional reactions to intentional responses and offers a hopeful path to deeper intimacy.
• defining prolonged stress and why it magnifies small issues • emotional intensity scale and spotting old wounds in new conflicts • switching from reaction to response with inner child work • grace as empathy plus curiosity in daily moments • cooperation over compromise and playing on the same team • disciplines as guardrails for intimacy and calm • seasonal family vision and renegotiating roles • code words, listening without fixing, and safe processing • finding gifts on the other side of wounds • process goals that keep commitment alive
You can pick up the book on Amazon.com or on, wisdominthewoundbook.com. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or leave a review.
How to Create More Intimacy Through Communication with Nick and Amy McKinlay
28 Oct 2025
00:35:45
Today, we're talking about how Christian couples can build deeper intimacy by turning awkward silence into simple, safe conversations. Nick and Amy McKinlay of Ultimate Intimacy share research-backed prompts, healthy masculinity traits, and ways to navigate power dynamics when desire is mismatched.
• why communication is the core of sexual intimacy • how curiosity and vulnerability create safety • traits of healthy masculinity women find attractive • using prompts, card decks and the app to start talks • handling mismatched desire and power dynamics • finding the why behind resistance before the how • setting loving boundaries when one partner avoids • turning team mindset into daily connection • practical steps couples can implement today
Find the book, Let's Talk About Sex at shop.ultimateintimacy.com. You can download the app and access additional resources at ultimateintimacy.com or your app store.
A Simple Relational Skill That Makes Communication So Much Easier
21 Oct 2025
00:12:57
What if a single, gentle question could turn tense moments into real connection? That’s the promise of “contracting,” a simple consent-based habit that replaces surprise talks with intentional, focused conversations. We walk through how this tiny shift—asking “Is now a good time?” and agreeing on a short window—respects attention, reduces defensiveness, and builds trust that sticks.
• what contracting is and why it works • how consent checks prevent ambush talks • sample scripts for respectful timing • prepping topics with short previews • external vs internal processing styles • three reasons contracting builds safety • the sprinkler story and timing misfires • honoring reschedules and follow-through • presence rules: phones down, eyes up • weekly challenge to try contracting
Thank you so much if you've already purchased Bad Marriage Advice. If you have purchased it and had a chance to look through it, I would absolutely love and appreciate if you would go back to Amazon and leave your honest review. Use this link to leave a review --> https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?&asin=B0FQ46HG3S.
Shoveling Sh*t Together: How Kass and Mike Built Companies, Raised Kids, and Kept Their Marriage Intact
14 Oct 2025
00:34:29
What if the real love story isn’t candlelight and grand gestures, but calendars, clarity, and courage under pressure? I sit down with Kass and Mike Lazerow—longtime partners in life and business—to unpack how they navigated Web 1.0 startups, gut-punch setbacks, and life-changing, $345 million-dollar exits while raising three kids and staying on the same team. Their answers aren’t glossy; they’re practical, repeatable, and surprisingly tender.
We explore how role clarity at home mirrors smart org design at work: defined lanes reduce friction and protect respect. Mike shares why he stopped “selling” inconvenient choices and started owning the impact; Kass explains the power of saying, “No, I’m not happy you’re going”—and not forcing a bow on hard truths. Together they map out their three core cheat codes: share the load through good and bad, invest in the relationship with consistent date nights and short getaways, and build teamwork through radical transparency, fair fights, and fast repair. We also dive into the “pivot” mindset: do more of what works, less of what doesn’t and how boredom and novelty can coexist to keep a marriage alive.
From parenting toddlers to guiding adult kids, from almost losing it all to scaling Buddy Media to a massive exit, Kass and Mike show how trust, weekly meetings, and a shared vision can carry a couple through chaos. If you’ve ever wondered how to blend ambition with intimacy, or how to reset when resentment creeps in, this conversation gives you a clear playbook: define your lanes, tell the truth, meet weekly, repair quickly, and keep dating.
You can reach them at info@kassandmike.com or DM them on social. Buy Shoveling Sh*t on Amazon and please review if you like it.
Marriage is the Ultimate Team Sport: How to Create a Winning Team
07 Oct 2025
00:18:57
What if the fastest way to a stronger marriage isn’t compromise, but better teamwork? After celebrating a number-one Amazon launch, I took a hard look at what actually helped us get there—clear roles, honest communication, and a shared commitment to play the same game on the same side. The result is a practical, story-rich guide to treating marriage like the ultimate team sport, with four moves you can use tonight.
I start by reframing “opposites” as assets: the planner and the risk-taker, the night owl and the early bird, the introvert and the extrovert. Instead of fighting to be the same, I show how to deploy differences like positions on the field so your team covers more ground with less friction.
Then I talk about offense and defence, who pushes the ball forward in finances, fun, and intimacy, and who protects the goal with boundaries, savings, and rest, so you can balance initiative with stability without making it personal.
From there, I dig into communication that actually works: daily 20-minute huddles to align priorities, weekly date nights for team bonding, and a yearly strategy getaway to recalibrate goals. I dismantle the mind-reading myth with real scripts for clear asks, and break down why keeping score breeds rivalry while an us-vs-problem mindset restores momentum. You’ll hear candid examples, from celebrating wins to handling those “seams” where balls drop and leave with a simple weekly challenge to spot, name, and thank each other’s strengths.
If you’re ready to stop arguing about who’s right and start winning together, this episode gives you the plays, the language, and the mindset to build a championship marriage.
Bad Marriage Advice is now an Amazon #1 Best Seller. If you haven’t gotten your copy yet, go get your copy here: https://a.co/d/4XaHmA5. And if you’ve gotten your copy and had a chance to look through it, do me a huge solid and go back to Amazon and leave a review here: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?&asin=B0FQ46HG3S.
Debunking Bad Marriage Advice with My Son and Daughter-In-Law Jake and Livvy
30 Sep 2025
00:32:59
Today's interview is with my oldest son, Jake and his new wife, Livvy to chat about the new book I wrote for them and unpack five of the most common myths that sabotage new marriages and trade them for simple habits that build trust, respect and joy. Thinks we talk about in the episode are:
• faith first, spouse second as good advice from Livvy's Dad • seeing parents model affection, repair and service • differentiation over “you complete me” • mind reading myths versus clear, simple requests • growth includes discomfort and honest repair • why happy couples do fight and how to do it well • address small stuff early to prevent resentment • learning together through books and shared language • teamwork during stressful seasons and daily service • date night as a sacred ritual for connection
If you’re newly engaged, early in marriage, or simply ready to trade fairytales for a stronger relationship, this one’s for you. Listen, share with a partner, and tell us: which myth are you ready to replace? If you enjoyed this conversation, you'll definately love my new book - Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead. It's available October 1st on Amazon. Go to www.badmarriageadvice.com to get the book!
Bad sexual advice is one of the top reasons couples struggle early in marriage, often because most grow up with distorted expectations about what a healthy sex life looks like.
• Sex advice is usually messed up because the topic is taboo in most families • Most couples start marriage with distorted expectations about their sex life • "A Good Wife Keeps Her Husband Satisfied" creates an unhealthy obligation dynamic • Healthy sex is mutual with both partners free to say yes or no • The myth that "men always want it and women never do" oversimplifies desire • Desire varies from person to person and changes in every season of life • Understanding "bridges to desire" helps couples communicate about intimacy • The myth that "great sex should happen naturally" creates disappointment • Most couples have one partner with spontaneous desire and one with responsive desire • Great sex takes communication, intentionality, and sometimes scheduling • Sex is a journey, not a destination – you'll grow and learn together • Sex is more about connection than performance • Communication is essential – you can't fix what you don't talk about • Sexual satisfaction gets better over time when you make it a priority
Go get your copy of Bad Marriage Advice on October 1st, and join me next week for a special episode where I'll interview my oldest son and his wife about what they wish they'd known before marriage.
If you are ready to work with a coach around these topics, email me at: moni@monicatanner.com.
A marriage advice detox can transform your relationship by eliminating harmful myths and replacing them with practical communication skills. Bad marriage advice like "never go to bed angry" or "happy wife, happy life" often sounds good but leads to frustration and resentment when applied to real relationships.
• Identify the marriage beliefs and advice you've been operating under • Challenge unhelpful advice by asking if it's actually serving your relationship • Replace false beliefs with communication skills that foster connection • Implement the 3% rule: daily communication, weekly date nights, yearly check-ins • Many couples give up prematurely because they're holding themselves to impossible standards • The common thread in all bad marriage advice is lazy communication • Write new rules specifically for your marriage instead of following generic advice
My new book "Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That'll Make You Miserable and What to Do Instead" launches October 1st! Join my launch team by emailing moni@monicatanner.com or sign up for the waitlist at badmarriageadvice.com to be notified when it's available.
Moving From Approval to True Intimacy in Marriage with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
09 Sep 2025
00:42:17
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife explores how moving beyond validation-seeking creates deeper, more authentic intimate connections in marriage, explaining that true intimacy requires embracing differences rather than demanding constant agreement.
• Distinguishing between validation and true intimacy in relationships • Understanding the three unhealthy relationship patterns: pressuring our partner, yielding to avoid conflict, or creating parallel lives • Recognizing that we marry people for their differences but then often resent those same differences • Learning to weather invalidation without falling apart or becoming defensive • Developing the capacity to truly listen to our partner's perspective without immediately defending ourselves • Identifying our "losing strategy" – our default response under pressure that undermines connection • Approaching conflict with curiosity about our partner's experience rather than taking it personally • Beginning difficult conversations by acknowledging where our partner is right about us • Understanding marriage as a spiritual journey that expands our capacity to love and be known
Get your copy of Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's new book "That We Might Have Joy: Sexuality as a Path to Spirituality for Latter-day Saints" available September 30th on Amazon or through her website at finlayson-fife.com.
Incompatibility is the Leading Cause of Divorce AND It's a Myth
02 Sep 2025
00:13:59
Conflict and differences in marriage don't mean you married the wrong person; they simply mean you're two human beings from different backgrounds working together to build a life. Statistics show "incompatibility" is the leading cause of divorce, but what couples often interpret as irreconcilable differences are actually normal variations in perspective.
• Differences between spouses are normal and healthy, not red flags • The idea that real love should feel effortless is a damaging myth • Conflict isn't a sign of incompatibility but an opportunity for growth • Working through differences builds intimacy and connection • My husband and I had completely opposite backgrounds regarding travel and dining out • Early conversations about money and lifestyle were extremely strained • It took a decade to find solutions that worked for both of us • We created unique approaches to travel and date nights that blend both perspectives • Successful couples don't agree on everything - they collaborate creatively • Turning differences into strengths makes marriages unbreakable
My book "Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable And What To Do Instead" launches October 1st. Email me at moni@monicatanner.com if you'd like to join the launch team and help get it into as many hands as possible.
Stop Listening to These 5 Pieces of Common Marriage Advice
26 Aug 2025
00:19:18
Marriage advice is everywhere, but much of it is outdated, misguided, or flat-out harmful to your relationship, no matter how well-intentioned it may be.
• Happy couples don't fight - FALSE: Conflict is like exercise for your relationship and helps you grow stronger • The myth of "don't sweat the small stuff" can lead to an explosion after years of suppressing irritation • Compromise is outdated advice that leaves both partners with less than they want • Collaboration creates solutions that multiply the best of both positions instead of subtracting from each • Love is a foundation but requires communication skills, conflict resolution, and intentional connection to build lasting marriage • Your differences aren't proof you picked the wrong person - they can become your greatest strengths when you learn to navigate them together • Believing these myths sets expectations that don't match reality, which creates resentment
To be part of my book launch team for "Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead", releasing October 1st, email me at moni@monicatanner.com. For updates and bonuses, visit badmarriageadvice.com.
What If Everything You Learned about Marriage is Wrong?
19 Aug 2025
00:18:43
Traditional marriage advice often sounds wise but can secretly damage relationships when applied to modern marriages. In this episode, we examine five common marriage myths that might be undermining your relationship and explore healthier alternatives.
• The dangers of "never go to bed angry" and how it leads to sleep deprivation and worsened arguments • Why "happy wife, happy life" creates an impossible burden on one spouse and ignores both partners' needs • How "find someone who completes you" leads to unhealthy codependency instead of partnership • The myth that happy couples don't fight, when research shows healthy couples simply repair better after a fight • Why compromise is outdated and collaboration creates better solutions for both partners • Bad marriage advice is anything that makes communication lazy or doesn't require vulnerability • Plus, ten more marriage myths are explored in depth in the book
My new book "Bad Marriage Advice" launches September 30th! Email moni@monicatanner.com to join the launch team or visit www.badmarriageadvice.com for more information and bonuses.
Relational Reckoning: How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Fighting For
12 Aug 2025
00:16:11
Relational Reckoning is a powerful tool that helps couples take inventory of their relationship, identify resentment, and make informed decisions about whether to stay together or part ways.
• Using coaching or therapy as a "misery stabilizer" indicates deeper relationship issues that need addressing • Relational Reckoning answers the question: "Is there enough good in this relationship to mourn what I'm not getting?" • Create two columns - "Good" and "Needs/Missing" - to visualize your relationship inventory • For each unmet need, consider whether it can be met outside the relationship or by yourself • Some needs, like physical intimacy, require direct communication and possibly professional guidance • This tool can be used annually to reboot your relationship and have honest conversations • Working with a relationship coach helps ensure you make decisions with clarity and peace
If you'd like support with this process or want to schedule a free 30-minute relationship breakthrough call, visit monicatanner.com/call or email moni@monicatanner.com.
Breaking Free from Attachment Wounds with Trevor Hanson
05 Aug 2025
00:45:14
Trevor Hanson shares powerful insights about how couples unknowingly trigger wounded parts in each other and explains how healing these attachment wounds transforms relationships. Through understanding negative cycles and inner child work, we discover how one person can significantly change relationship dynamics by healing their own insecurities.
• Couples get trapped in negative cycles when they trigger each other's core insecurities • The "right" partner will hurt you in ways that allow you to heal your deepest wounds • Communication skills are useless when we're too triggered to access them • Healing your insecurities allows you to approach relationship challenges differently • One person can significantly change relationship dynamics by changing themselves • Recognizing when your prefrontal cortex has gone offline is key to breaking patterns • Inner child work involves recognizing, validating, truth-telling, and giving yourself what you need • Explaining your experience to your partner (when not triggered) builds understanding • Through healing yourself, you increase your partner's capacity to support your healing • Practice inner child work when calm before attempting it during triggering moments
Find Trevor on Instagram @theartofhealingbytrevor or search Trevor Hanson. Access his free training on the four reasons people stay stuck despite doing all the "right things."
Teaching Kids Healthy Sexuality using the DRIVE Framework
29 Jul 2025
00:32:51
Teaching kids about healthy sexuality requires a thoughtful approach that prepares them for marriage, much like teaching them to drive requires instruction before handing over the keys.
• The DRIVE framework provides a comprehensive approach to sex education within families • D for Dialogue: Keep conversations open, ongoing, and age-appropriate • R for Respect: Teach children to view their bodies and sexuality as sacred • I for Instruction: Provide education that matches developmental stages • V for Values: Ground all conversations in family values about marriage and commitment • E for Expectation: Build positive anticipation for intimacy within marriage • Common myths about sex education can undermine effective teaching • Fear-based messaging creates the problematic "no-no-no, go-go-go" dynamic • Children need consistent, positive messaging about sexuality as God's gift for marriage • Parents should model appropriate affection and open communication
If you have questions or need additional resources to talk to your children about sex and sexuality, please email me at moni@monicatanner.com, and check out my upcoming book "Bad Marriage Advice."
Healing Through Letting Go: The Surprising Link Between Forgiveness and Physical Health
22 Jul 2025
00:39:38
Hanna Kok shares her expertise on the surprising link between forgiveness and physical health, revealing why holding onto grudges causes hormonal imbalances and weakens the immune system. We explore the scientific evidence behind this connection and discuss a practical method for making forgiveness easier.
• When we hold grudges, our muscles tighten, restricting blood flow and nutrient delivery throughout the body • Brain function decreases dramatically during conflict—the prefrontal cortex (responsible for wisdom and problem-solving) can switch off up to 85% • Stress emotions attach to cell receptors, triggering responses that put cells in overdrive and eventually lead to health problems • Different organs are sensitive to specific emotions—the liver responds to anger, lungs to grief, and the gut to feelings of abuse • Unforgiveness reduces energy available for immune function, making us more susceptible to illness • The forgiveness method includes identifying what triggered you, recognizing what it reveals about your own healing needs, and seeing the situation as an opportunity for growth • Practical techniques for releasing unforgiveness include journaling, mirror work, and meditation
For more information on improving health through forgiveness, download Hannah's app at hannahcook.com or visit ithrive.zone
How to Stop Compromising and Create F.I.R.E in the Bedroom
15 Jul 2025
00:14:09
You deserve a fulfilling sex life without settling or compromising. The FIRE method provides a framework for creating a deeply connected and satisfying intimate relationship that works for both partners.
• Higher desire partners often feel they must settle in their marriages, leading to resentment and diminished intimacy • Emotional connection alone doesn't guarantee a satisfying sex life – sexual dynamics require specific attention • F – Face your beliefs about sex that were planted in your "garden" growing up • I – Initiate honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and preferences • R – Rewrite the rules together as a couple, free from cultural expectations and shame • E – Engage consistently through different life stages, creating rituals and "bridges to desire" • Sexuality should be approached playfully, like recess for adults • Regular "Sex Talk Tuesdays" can help normalize ongoing conversations about intimacy
For additional resources, download the FIRE worksheet at monicatanner.com/fire or schedule a complimentary 30-minute relationship breakthrough session at monicatanner.com/call.
True intimacy requires the freedom to be ourselves in marriage. We explore what it means to create space where both partners feel safe, seen, respected, and supported throughout all seasons of life together.
• Creating emotional freedom by feeling safe to make mistakes, have opinions, and share feelings without judgment • Physical freedom in maintaining personal friendships, self-care, and autonomy within partnership • Sexual freedom to communicate desires, boundaries, and curiosities without shame • Spiritual freedom to explore faith and values both individually and as a couple • Using the powerful question "Tell me more about that" to foster understanding and connection • Practicing grace over judgment and celebrating each other's individuality • Giving each other permission to evolve, grow, and make mistakes
Join us for a special workshop on July 16th on "How to Stop Compromising to Get More of What You Want in Your Relationship." Sign up at www.monicatanner.com/stopcompromising to attend live or receive the recording.
We often avoid difficult conversations, but addressing conflicts directly leads to stronger relationships rather than allowing resentment to build and potentially emerge "sideways." Understanding that all relationships cycle through harmony, disharmony, and repair helps us recognize conflicts as opportunities for growth.
• Lead with curiosity, not accusation: examine your triggers, consider others' intentions, and share your experience without blame • Say what you mean without being mean: describe situations objectively, own your interpretations, and express feelings clearly • Listen to understand the other person's reality: open your heart to their experience instead of listening defensively • The repair process is where trust forms and relationships become stronger and more resilient • Having difficult conversations builds relationship "muscles" through temporary vulnerability that leads to greater strength
If you need help navigating difficult conversations, book a complimentary call with me at monicatanner.com/call
Money conversations don't have to lead to arguments—they can actually strengthen relationships when approached with the right communication tools and mindset. We explore three essential skills for talking about finances with your spouse that build connection instead of conflict.
• Understanding each other's money personalities and formative experiences around finances • Learning to express your needs without blame or judgment • Scheduling regular, low-pressure "money huddles" to stay on the same page • Keeping financial discussions light and celebrating small wins together • Remembering you're on the same team when financial differences arise • Creating communication strategies that honor both partners' financial perspectives • Walking or driving side-by-side can make difficult money conversations easier
I'm still offering my summer special for engaged and newlywed couples: three premarital or newly post-marital coaching sessions for the price of one. Email me at moni@monicatanner.com or set up a call at monicatanner.com/call. Also, watch for my upcoming book "Bad Marriage Advice" – get on the mailing list at www.badmarriageadvice.com for updates on when it will be available.
I tackle the challenging reality of what to do when one partner wants to work on the relationship while the other resists, providing a clear three-step approach based on my experience with couples in this situation.
• Despite what some experts claim, you cannot completely transform your marriage alone—both partners must participate • The first step is to directly invite your partner to therapy or coaching, being persistent but understanding about their concerns • Step two involves creating "productive discomfort" by withdrawing comforts you typically provide • The final step may require temporary separation to demonstrate how serious you are about improving the relationship • When both partners engage in the work, transformative results are possible that benefit not just the couple but future generations • Breaking generational patterns requires courage to stand up with loving power rather than settling for mediocrity
If you need help with this process, please reach out for a complimentary call at monicatanner.com/call. And for engaged or newlywed couples, I'm offering a special summer promotion—three RLT sessions for the price of one to help establish a strong foundation for your marriage.
After an incredibly busy May filled with family celebrations including our 23rd wedding anniversary, my son's wedding, my daughter's high school graduation, and a week-long houseboat trip to Lake Powell, I'm reflecting on valuable relationship lessons that emerged during this special time.
• Shared a powerful relationship skill called the "I notice" technique that creates open communication without triggering defensiveness • Explained how to properly use this approach by describing only what a security camera would see, not interpretations or judgments • Reflected on early marriage challenges and how different schedules and communication styles created difficulties • Advocated for premarital or newlywed counseling even when relationships seem perfect • Discussed the benefits of establishing a relationship with a therapist before problems arise • Offered insight into how Relational Life Therapy helps identify relationship patterns and triggering mechanisms • Emphasized the importance of learning repair techniques and effective communication skills early
For a limited time, I'm offering engaged and newlywed couples a special package of three coaching sessions for the price of one. This can be purchased as a gift for couples you know or for your own relationship. Visit monicatanner.com and click on "work with me" to schedule a consultation, or email moni@monicatanner.com for more information.
How Your Senses Are Key to Better Communication with Your Spouse with Nicole Villegas
27 May 2025
00:46:06
Dr. Nicole Villegas, occupational therapist and founder of the Sensory Conscious Institute, explores how understanding nervous systems and sensory patterns helps build relationships rooted in safety, connection, and clarity.
• Beyond the five senses: interoception (internal feelings), vestibular (movement through space), and proprioception (body position awareness) • Creating collaborative solutions versus compromises for different sensory preferences • Using the Three C's: curiosity, compassion and consent in communication • How unaddressed sensory needs lead to seemingly disproportionate reactions later • The AHA method for regulation: Acknowledge, Honor, and take Action toward safety • Signs your nervous system is dysregulated: racing heart, difficulty focusing, feeling "buzzy" • Walking and talking as an effective strategy for difficult conversations • Recognizing when your partner is overwhelmed through body language cues • Using "I noticed..." statements instead of judgment when discussing sensory responses • Learning to appreciate how sensory awareness creates opportunities for deeper connection
Visit drnicoleotd on Instagram or sensoryconcious.com to learn more about sensory practices and sign up for Dr. Nicole's newsletter "Refine" for small changes that make big differences.