Scully Nation: An X Files Rewatch Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

This week we are adding another member to the crew and breaking into old women’s houses while we discuss The Lone Gunmen episodes “Bond, Jimmy Bond” and “Eine Kleine Frohike”! We’re talking the ongoing motif of humiliating poor Tom Braidwood, whether or not Yves has a fake British accent, how much we love the evil henchman Mr. Luscious Lips and his signature move of kissing each bullet he shoots, how Langly has no idea how to clean anything, and say hello to Jimmy Bond. We are on the hunt for a secret Nazi baby, wonder where they got the funds or technology for the Mission Impossible masks, mourn the lack of a makeover montage, wonder if Mr. Luscious Lips disappears in a cloud of cologne, and wonder whether it’s funny to stare at an old woman’s ass. And wise words to remember: Never look a gift himbo in the abs.

Note: We goofed up the audio this week, and so unfortunately it sounds like we’re recording from a very deep well. Sorry about that, and back to the crisp audio you love next week!

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This week we are exhuming dead bodies and redefining the spa experience by sloughing off our entire bodies while we discuss “Deadalive”! We’re talking the dangers of Scully’s membrane rupturing from scary news, how excited we are about the return of the nanobots, how Doggett embodies the “if shit sux hit da bricks” meme, wonder why exactly they’re burying Mulder in North Carolina, and do some star chart and org chart analysis to figure out what Kersh’s deal is. We get embarrassed by Skinner playing keepaway with Krycek, realize that first names can be incredibly threatening, get excited about Skinner and Doggett’s first physical altercation, find it beautiful that everyone wants to pummel Krycek within 5-10 minutes of meeting him, and mourn poor Doggett and all the third-wheeling he will be doing now that Mulder is back. The man doesn’t know what he’s in for! And the one thing we know for sure: Mulder’s urge to bully Krycek truly could pierce the veil of death.

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This week we are reluctantly opening our third eyes while we discuss “Via Negativa”! We’re talking the excess of sleepy FBI agents in this episode, Doggett’s Golf Guys dropping like flies and how it’s starting to get a little suspicious, Skinner starting drama and Doggett weathering it, how Scully is in the hospital from the stress of being a believer, how much we love how much of a jerk Kersh is, and how after all these years The Lone Gunmen are still Mulder’s friends, not Scully’s. We get a little jump-scared by Doggett’s sad wet eyes, propose a team-up between the table slaw and the chili slide, talk about Skinner prepping for his New Year’s party, and how exciting it is that Scully is finally taking some PTO. There’s a first time for everything. Also, new tongue twister has just dropped: Agent Angus Stedman in a Stetson.

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This week we are being forced to go on vacation while we discuss “Never Again”! We’re talking our main girl Dana Scully and this other guy… Florks… Mailder? (We think?), how Scully and Skinner both have jealous, misogynistic paranormal entities cockblocking them, finally address the all-important question of why Scully does not have her own desk, how unfair it is that Scully can’t let loose even one time and how she deserves to have a murderer boyfriend, damn it! We get sad about Glen Morgan and James Wong’s last episode, wallow in the impeccable vibes of the tattoo scene, laugh at Mulder’s spiritual journey, Amanda issues more notes app apologies, Ella cannot pronounce ouroboros to save her life, and point out how silly it is that Scully and Ed end up sleeping in separate beds fully-clothed. Come on, 1997. You’re better than this. Scully is not the first woman to pull the “I’m a doctor” card to get a man’s shirt off, and she won’t be the last.

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This week we are up to our ass in alligators while we discuss “Leonard Betts”! We’re talking about why nobody in Wisconsin watched this episode, the out-of-character decision for Mulder to not be into goo, the gnarly practical effects (Thanks, Toby!), our new favorite character Grexit, really upsetting plot revelations, and the simplicity of “I’m sorry, but you have something I need”. We ensure that Vince Gilligan will never listen to the pod by doing some awful impressions for a while, complain about Chuck: the king of digital images, wonder whether freak snakes eat their own skin, and do some Superbowl scene setting. And finally: Leonard Butts? Is this anything? Anyone? Anyone? No?

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This week we are brushing up on our Spanish skills while we discuss “El Mundo Gira”! We’re talking about how obviously God curses the man that comes between two brothers which excuses murder every time, how Jonathan Shabonathan just might be a new Howie, try to figure out exactly what kind of energy Agent Lasano is bringing (it’s An energy, we’re just not sure what kind), and debate whether or not the acting in this episode is really that bad (spoiler: it is). We get excited about the arrival of our main hombre El Chupacabra, get confused about the very roundabout storytelling, cheer on Mulder’s cryptid-splaining, and get excited about Tuco Salamanca showing up. Vive El Chupacabra!

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This week we are sadly dunking basketballs in one shot (but in a sisterless kind of way) while we discuss “Paper Hearts”! We’re talking all the very intentional Breaking Bad references, the return of our main man Reggie Perdue(!!!), Mulder having Main Character Syndrome, cheer on Teena forgetting things as she is so wont to do, and find out that Will Graham really could have used a Scully to keep him on track. We berate Mulder for breaking into his mom’s house all the time, demand the release of the Gilligan cut which is just the four hours of Scully and Skinner yelling at Mulder that they so cruelly withheld from us, and look at the tough world of serial killer-exclusive apartment leasing. The burden we bear recognizing how hot Gillian Anderson is is heavy and never ending, but we’ll do our best to keep on going.

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This week we completely disregard our own quarantine order so we can get on a flight to Florida/New York/Canada/North Dakota while we discuss “Terma”! We’re talking the Teena method of dealing with trauma, our DNR order if we get infested with a nest of worms, Skinner angrily recapping the plot to our delight, Mulder and Krycek’s endless cycles of violence (it’s a real chicken and egg situation), struggle to come up with a cohesive name for the Clip-Clop Gang/Russian Diamond Dogs/Russian Emerald Horses(??), and how Russian women just love nursing Mulder back to health like a baby bird. We laugh at Mulder’s inspirational sports speech, mourn Krycek’s lost left arm, discover how easy it is to escape from a Siberian gulag, hate on Wall Guy and every other secondary character in the episode, and really try our damndest to piece together what’s going on in this one. And remember, folks: Don’t give away your one good shiv to a confused American, no matter how cute and tall he is. It’s just not worth it.

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This week we are outrunning Russian horses and juggling an alien meteorite like a hot potato while we discuss “Tunguska”! We’re talking Scully giving two middle fingers to Congress or her version of that which is staring sternly, our Canadian hero the US Customs official, our long-lost skeleton in a leather jacket Alex Krycek being back (half of us are very excited), how this is definitely not the first time Skinner has had a man handcuffed to his balcony, Mulder taking Krycek to Russia in a pet carrier, and our love for the horse-riding whip-wielding Russian guards. Ella flexes her beginner-level Russian Duolingo skills, Amanda fails to recognize another man because she is too busy hating a woman on a horse, we debate whether we’re feeling Mulder and Marita, and Mulder outruns two horses, because of course he does. Stupid-ass haircut!

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This week we peer into CSM’s dry, desiccated heart (... or do we?) while we discuss “Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man”! We’re talking Morgan and Wong having friendship bracelets, the “Trust No One” lighter, the embarrassing “Viva La Libertad” guy (Listen, buddy, it’s okay. We’ve all been there), baby Mulder seeing into the future and predicting the JFK assassination and Teena just forgetting, very very subtle moral decay, and then prove via astrology that this story is all fake. We’re talking the Lone Gunmen’s name being especially ironic this week, JFK sprinting through Texas like Forrest Gump, CSM ignoring a call from Saddam Hussein, very mean rejection letters, and how this episode is just 6 seasons of Better Call Saul vacuum-packed into one episode. For this very literary episode, we’ll leave you with everyone’s favorite quote from Henry IV: “Aaaaaaaah”.

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