Relationships Let's Talk About It! – Details, episodes & analysis

Brandon Greenstein is a partner and father and long-time member and resident of Earthaven Ecovillage (Black Mountain, NC). He is currently practicing Somatic Experiencing therapy and will be entering the final year of the SE professional training program. Brandon is also the owner of Integrated Ecological Solutions; consulting and coaching on sustainable land use and development and all aspects of building, growing and personal efficiency.

In this conversation Brandon and I talk about expectations in relationships and how we manage them. Effective relationships are built on realistic and communicated expectations. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and even relationship demise.

Connect with Brandon Greenstein:

• Email: IESrenewables@gmail.com
  
  

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review. 

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo’s Podcast Songs.

Don’t forget to visit our website and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Sound production: Matt Carlson

Mana Vermeulen-McLeod has been an Earthaven Ecovillage (Black Mountain, NC) resident and member since 2007. She believes in the potential of transformation in each present moment. She is a Tantric Life Coach, mother, natural builder, hair-dresser and conflict mediator at her village. A social activist committed to anti-oppression work in areas of race, gender and class differences. She enjoys supporting herself and others in embodied resilience and everyday courage.

In this episode, Mana and I have a conversation about healthy boundaries. The importance to know our selves in order to understand our boundaries and these boundaries change as we continue to understand who we are in relationship to others and the world.

Related podcasts with Mana:

• The Householder’s Path: Sacred Practice for Everyday Life 
• Women Working in Male Dominated Jobs
• Exploring Our Racial Biases

Mana’s contact info:

Website: www.mana-v-mcleod.com

Email: mana.vermeulen.mcleod@gmail.com

Instagram @tantramom

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review. 

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo’s Podcast Songs.

Don’t forget to visit our website and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Corey Costanzo is the Co-Owner of Asheville’s Still Point Wellness Spa, a licensed addiction counselor, trauma specialist, licensed massage therapist, master didgeridoo player, colleague, and good friend.

In this episode, Corey and I have a conversation about giving too much and sacrificing ourselves for others. What’s healthy in this arena?

Related podcasts:

• Aftermath of a Fight of a Regrettable Incident
• Control Issues
• Understanding the Shame Cycle
• Allowing Influence from Your Partner
• Emotional Regulation

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

• Still Point Wellness
• Still Point Wellness on Instagram
• Still Point Wellness on Facebook
• Still Point Wellness on Pinterest
• Corey Costanzo on LinkedIn
• Email: stillpoint@stillpointwell.com

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review. 

Check out our Guided Audio Practices and Meditations at Relationships! Let’s Learn About It.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo’s Podcast Songs.

Don’t forget to visit our website and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Our country is rife with political conversations that tend to divide people. These exchanges can become more challenging when political differences occur in families and close relationships, where a divergence of ideals can strain connection. When the writer, teacher, and food activist Lee Warren recently witnessed one of her peers using aggressive language towards people of the other political spectrum, the experience spurred her to write Can We Love Our Political Enemies?, a piece where she curates an online conversation about having empathy for people who think differently.

Lee is the co-founder and managing partner of SOIL - the School of Integrated Living - an organization that teaches organic food production, regenerative systems, and community living. She is a sustainability professional whose experience spans over 25 years and whose interests include rural wisdom, sustainable economics, community, and conscious dying.

In this episode, Lee and I explore how we can connect with and love people who have political ideals different from ours. We discuss holding friends to a higher standard of empathy and illustrate how social media tends to exacerbate division among people. We describe what it’s like to experience political differences within families and close relationships and explain how fear and trauma can influence our politics. We also highlight the need to bring curiosity into our ideological differences and discuss how we can use non-violent communication to hold political dialog.

“If we want community, the thing to do is to build real, human coalitions between people who have different perspectives and values.” - Lee Warren

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• The experience that led Lee to write Can We Love Our Political Enemies?
• Holding up our friends to a higher standard of empathy
• How social media promotes division among people
• How Lee realized that she was stuck in an echo chamber and had to break off of it
• The difficulty of experiencing political differences within families
• Using non-violent communication and curiosity to explore contradictory political values
• How biology can influence our discourse
• The importance, and privilege, of choosing curiosity over hatred
• Our negativity bias and why human beings don’t look for commonality first
• Getting exaggerated, extreme stories about our “political enemies” and how the media exacerbates our fear of the Other
• Building coalitions in small towns and rural America
• Land-based wisdom and the value of listening to other peoples’ personal stories
• Building the muscle of curiosity and using self-soothing techniques in holding political conversations

Resources Mentioned:

• Can We Love Our Political Enemies?

Related Content:

• Why Communicating Consent Matters in Healthy Relationships
• Alternative Relationships

Connect with Lee Warren:

• Reclaiming Wisdom
• Lee Warren on LinkedIn
• Lee Warren on Instagram
• Lee Warren on Facebook

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Kelley Johnson, Ph.D., is a professional sexologist. She is a passionate sex educator who provides comprehensive sex education to private and charter schools, as well as small groups. In her work as a sexologist, Kelley guides couples and individuals in resolving sexual issues through non-medical modalities that work within their value system. As a young person, Kelley was profoundly fascinated by human sexuality, so much so that her high school peers sought her for information and education on sex, sexuality, and sexual health. Today, Kelley is a champion of body and sex-positivity, and her doctoral degree in Human Sexuality and master’s in Public Health Education reflects her advocacy for a sexually-just society.

In this episode, Kelley and I address sexual issues couples face in their relationships. We explore challenges around sexual incompatibility and having polarized differences in sexual desires. We emphasize people’s responsibilities as sexual beings and underscore the importance of educating children on sex and body positivity. We discuss how couples can create a healthy environment that encourages their intimacy as well as how they can support each other in transforming a history of sexual abuse, trauma, and taboo into a healthy sex life.

“You are responsible for your sexual self. While sexuality as a couple is something that’s shared and that you work on together, there is also separateness.” - Kelley Johnson

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• How Kelley became passionate about human sexuality and child development
• The relationship between childhood development and a sexually healthy adult
• Sex as a critical part of a couple’s connection and intimacy
• How couples can work around having differences in sexual interests
• Breaking the cycle of body shaming and sexual negativity among children
• The importance of calling genitalia by their real names
• The difference between a couple’s physical and sexual relationship and how they influence each other
• Working with issues around pornography use and fears about masturbation
• Bringing joy and playfulness into sex
• Feeling pressured into having sex and the value of experiencing intimacy and connection in other areas of life
• The power of appreciation as a potent aphrodisiac
• Planned spontaneity and how making sex dates can increase sexual intimacy between a couple
• The best conditions for having sex and respecting your partner when they say “no.”
• Turning a history of sexual abuse and trauma into a healthy adult sex life
• The importance of knowing and communicating what we want and need
• The breath as a potent tool in managing one’s sexual life

Related Content:

• Porn and Sexual Health
• The #1 Relationship Booster

Connect with Kelley Johnson:

• Kelley Johnson Website

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Dr. Chris Mulchay is an ADHD expert and licensed psychologist in North Carolina and Hawaii. Chris is a kind, down-to-earth colleague and officemate with whom I enjoy having great conversations. His practice focuses on assessing ADHD, learning disorders, and custodial evaluations and is dedicated to making evaluations engaging, thoughtful, and efficient. In addition to his practice, Chris also serves as president for the Western North Carolina Psychological Association and is a board member of the International Council of Psychologists. A lifelong student, Chris is a staunch advocate of community change through fostering stability, creativity, and empowerment.

In this episode, Chris and I explore how ADHD can impact relationships. We contemplate on ADHD as a self-regulation and neurodevelopmental disorder. We describe how subtle brain injuries and parents in conflict can interfere with a child’s brain development and influence the emergence of ADHD. We also discuss how transforming a relationship includes identifying how ADHD operates in them and explain how couples can practice appreciation to support lasting behavior change.

“The ADHD brain has a limited working memory, but if that’s supported with appreciation and joy, your partner will be able to practice behavioral change that could lead to self-regulation.” - Dr. Chris Mulchay

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• What ADHD is and how it’s different from ADD
• The difference between the inattentive and hyperactive type of ADHD
• Making people comfortable with conversations around ADHD
• ADHD as a neurodevelopmental issue and whether we can develop it as adults
• Genetic markers and subtle brain injuries that could impact ADHD
• How parents in extreme stress and conflict can affect a child’s brain development
• The over diagnosis and overmedication of ADHD
• How ADHD medication can assist in creating behavioral change
• ADHD and challenges in peer relationships that could later lead to substance abuse
• Thinking about ADHD as a spectrum and self-regulation disorder
• The lack of inhibition in the ADHD brain and how it can impact communication
• Why it can be challenging for people with ADHD to hold conversations
• Squirrel syndrome and the relationship between ADHD and the brain’s working memory
• How ADHD can interfere with emotional intimacy in relationships
• Improving working memory through sleep hygiene
• The power of mindfulness and meditation in strengthening self-regulation
• What couples can do to work around having ADHD in their relationship
• Bringing the power of appreciation and joy into creating lasting behavioral changes

Resources Mentioned:

• Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning by Phil Boissiere MFT

Related Content:

• Guided Audio Meditations
• The #1 Relationship Booster
• Emotional Regulation

Connect with Chris Mulchay:

• Asheville Testing
• Chris Mulchay on LinkedIn
• Chris Mulchay on Twitter

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

It’s natural for us to want to care for the people we love and make them happy. Many of us are also naturally compassionate and find fulfillment in altruistic endeavors. But there is a fine line between being selfless and being a people-pleaser. It’s essential that we discern whether our proclivities towards catering to others’ needs come from an authentic desire to help or from a place of fear and insecurity.

In this episode, I discuss the vital role of compassion in realizing our tendency to be people-pleasers and in transforming ourselves and our relationships. I illustrate how insecurity, fears, and low self-worth can foster the people-pleasing pattern and underscore the dangers of being a people-pleaser. I explain why honesty is one of the greatest gifts we can give to other people and how we can weave kindness into it. I also reveal how we can overcome our people-pleasing tendencies through setting boundaries and being true to our needs.

“When we constantly strive to please, it’s unlikely that we’ll thrive in relationships because we start to feel invisible, even though we’re the ones creating the experience.” - Pripo Teplitsky 

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• The relationship between codependency and people-pleasing
• The role of compassion in the process of self-transformation
• How a compassionate person differs from a people-pleaser
• The fear of rejection and other factors that influence the people-pleasing pattern
• Why people-pleasers find it difficult to set healthy boundaries
• Conflict avoidance and how authenticity took me out of a people-pleasing episode
• The connection between people-pleasing and manipulation
• Bringing kindness into honesty and how it can benefit our relationships
• The value of focusing on curiosity when interacting with people
• Why I think history may have caused women and mothers to people-please more
• How people-pleasers may attract controlling people
• Losing autonomy and a sense of self to people-pleasing
• Why people-pleasing can also be selfish
• How parents can model authenticity for their children
• What it takes to overcome our people-pleasing patterns

Related Content:

• Guided Audio Meditations
• Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
• Codependency
• Authentic Relating
• A journey with A Dying Parent

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

Codependency is rather insidious: though many people are familiar with the term, they don’t know how it manifests in families and impacts relationships. Awareness, Corey Costanzo stresses, is key to healing it. Corey is a licensed addictions counselor and bodywork therapist, somatic experiencing practitioner, a master didgeridoo player, and a good friend of mine. Together with his wife, Robin, Corey co-owns Still Point Wellness, a premier Esalen Massage and Salt Water Floatation spa in Asheville, North Carolina.

Today, Corey and I explore the hallmarks of a dysfunctional family and how it breeds codependency. We illustrate the dynamics of codependent relationships and their children and explain why dysfunctional families find it difficult to navigate difficult emotions and situations. We describe the characteristics of codependent behaviors and illustrate their impact on relationships. We also share our experiences in dealing with codependent relationships and emphasize the role of awareness in breaking the cycle of codependency.

“Codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.”  - Corey Costanzo

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• Codependency as a learned behavior in families and how it can be passed to generations
• The relationship between codependency and addiction
• The consequences of codependent behavior
• Codependent relationships between children and parents
• Why parents need to deal with their own emotions
• The characteristics of a dysfunctional family
• What makes families afraid of discussing difficult emotions and experiences
• Detachment and fear of connection in dysfunctional families
• Experiencing codependence in my family and learning to talk about emotions
• How Corey cultivated trust between himself and a teenager in his practice
• Breaking the cycle of codependency in couples
• Witnessing our partners’ experiences with emotions
• What enmeshment in a relationship looks like and what it takes to be differentiated
• Relationships with people with diagnosed mental illness and how to navigate them
• The fear of abandonment and the experience of isolation in codependent relationships
• The characteristics of codependent people and how codependency manifests in a couple’s sex life

Related Content:

• Expressing Needs
• Emotional Regulation
• Do the Right Thing
• Is Stress Affecting Your Relationship?
• The Importance of a Personal Practice
• Addictions and Their Effects on Relationships
• Sound and Attunement Healing in Relationships

Resources Mentioned:

• Headspace App
• Al-Anon Family Groups
• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
• Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love by Pia Mellody

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

• Still Point Wellness
• Still Point Wellness on Facebook
• Still Point Wellness on Pinterest
• Still Point Wellness on Instagram
• Corey Costanzo on LinkedIn

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Benjamin Haynes is a wonderful example of today’s young generation. He is a meditator, yogi, and evangelizer of “authentic relating.” I was impressed by his presence, groundedness, and the intentional manner in which he spoke when we met about a year ago. After graduating from UNC-Chapel Hill and teaching in Malaysia under a Fulbright grant, Benjamin recently joined Authentic Relating Training, an organization dedicated to the practice and production of authentic relating programs.

In today’s episode, Benjamin and I explore the meaning and purpose of authentic relating. We discuss what led him to authentic relating and share tips to help you relate with others with presence and authenticity. We illustrate how meditation can impact our lives and benefit the way we communicate with each other. We also emphasize the power of leading with presence and the value of focusing on what matters.

“Authentic relating transforms yourself and your relationships through communication.” - Benjamin Haynes

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• My first meeting with Benjamin
• How he cultivated his groundedness and authentic relating
• Benjamin’s introduction to meditation, how he built it into a daily practice, and how it has benefited him
• The relationship between meditation, mindfulness, and authentic relating
• Taking authentic relating to another level and the three different levels of a conversation
• The power of taking pauses in conversation
• Gender dynamics and its relationship with communication
• How the dynamics of Benjamin’s relationship with his father has changed over time
• The challenges of a parent-child relationship
• The need to face our fears and take risks and what made me transition from the corporate world to my counseling practice
• How authentic relating can lead to a more profound connection between people
• How Benjamin’s fascination with mindfulness led him to Authentic Relating Training
• Integrating non-violent communication and mindfulness
• The importance of leading with presence, coming with curiosity, and focusing on what matters

Related Content:

• The Challenges of Workplace Relationships
• Generosity: Contemplating on How We Show Up in Our Relationships
• The Relationship of Business Through the Lens of Giving
• Couples Communication: Circling Techniques

Resources Mentioned:

• Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication by Oren Jay Sofer
• 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works - A True Story by Dan Harris

Connect with Benjamin Haynes:

• Authentic Relating Training

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk

Adley Gartenstein is the former president and co-owner of Film Movement, a distributor of independent, award-winning films from around the world. Over the last two decades, Adley has been a counselor, trainer, and workshop leader in the co-counseling community. My friendship with Adley goes back to 25 years ago when we met at the Esalen Institute. Since then, we’ve formed a friendship so profound that he has become the godfather of my son, Zander.

In this episode, Adley and I discuss his journey with healing as he took care of his dying mother. We explore how he had assumed the role of caretaker for his mother since he was a child and describe how that impacted his sense of self-worth. We illustrate how Adley committed to becoming a great son, regardless of his mother’s shortcomings as a parent. We also discuss my experience with my father’s death and underscore the honor that comes with being present in a person’s final moments on Earth.

“Being around a dying person is, in a way, a transition into adulthood; to play that role of caretaker, to make it about somebody else, and to care about that person.” - Adley Gartenstein

This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:

• Assuming the role of caretaker for his mother from childhood
• How feeling responsibility for his mother’s well being affected Adley’s self-compass
• Claiming Adley’s right to be a great son, regardless of childhood experiences
• Understanding how trauma gets passed down through generations
• The beginnings of Adley’s journey into healing
• My experience with the death of my father
• Deciding not to be the victim of one’s circumstances and breaking the cycle of darkness and trauma
• The power of spending time with a dying person and the lessons it can teach us
• Feeling liberation from trauma and fulfillment of duty

Related Content:

• Is Love a Choice or a Feeling?

Connect with Adley Gartenstein: 

• Adley Gartenstein on LinkedIn

Let’s Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you’d love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don’t forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let’s Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music “These Streets” provided by Adi the Monk