Explore every episode of the podcast Recovery Elevator
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| RE 559: Recovery Achieved | 03 Nov 2025 | 01:02:18 | |
Today we have Robyn. She is 49 years old from Columbia, SC and took her last drink on June 30th, 2020.
This episode brought to you by:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Soberlink – sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus
We are planting the seed early and inviting you to join us for our 7th annual Restore course coming January 2026. Registration opens Monday, December 1st.
[02:39] Thoughts from Paul:
We have all heard the word recovery, but what does that mean? And does it ever end? Paul recently came across a line he likes that says, "If substance use or drinking no longer interferes with your ability to live a productive and loving life, then recovery has been achieved."
Using the logic of this line, Paul shares with us several ways that we can see if recovery has been achieved. Maybe you'll have to (or get to) attend meetings or chats for the rest of your life or maybe your recovery has already been achieved. So now what?
A simple answer is don't go back to drinking but in addition to that, sticking with the pack or community that helped you achieve recovery in the first place is a good start.
[07:54] Paul introduces Robyn:
Robyn is 49 and she lives in Columbia, SC with her husband, stepdaughter and two pit bulls. She is an office manager for a transportation company and enjoys reading, playing games and spending time with her family. Robyn was previously interviewed on episode 306.
Robyn grew up very shy and quiet and never really felt she fit in. The desire to rebel was building up and when she moved from Maine to South Carolina towards the end of high school, she viewed it as an opportunity to try new things including alcohol and other drugs.
After graduating high school, Robyn met someone and ended up getting married at the age of 18. She didn't realize the issues he had, and it was her first exposure to an abusive relationship with an addict.
Fortunately, she was able to escape that relationship but jumped right into another one that she considers her first real relationship. Their drinking looked normal for their age but over time, it started to create cracks in their relationship, and they split up soon after moving away from friends and family.
Feeling abandoned again and not knowing anyone, Robyn started going out and meeting people at bars alone after work. The relationships she had were with others who partied like she did, which helped her ignore the addictions that were creeping in. Her codependent nature found her feeling stuck in another abusive relationship, but over time she was able to start pulling away and made attempts to regulate her drinking.
After their break-up, Robyn began a close friendship with a friend from work. With his influence and help, she began to explore her traumas and started to organically cut back on her drinking as he rarely drank. They eventually began a relationship, and Robyn happily assumed the role of stepmother to his two children. She still drank, but it looked very different, and "mommy wine culture" made it seem ok.
After the sudden death of Robyn's mother, she took on the role of caretaker to her stepfather. This meant helping him with his grief and moving him closer to her. The drinking was beginning to become unmanageable. In September 2017, she discovered the upside of quitting drinking through a Google search that led her to Holly Whittaker and Annie Grace.
Upon discovering that going alcohol free could be a good thing, Robyn began to read a lot of quit lit and found podcasts. She told her husband about her struggles and felt a weight lift immediately. A few months later she joined Café RE and being part of a community was life changing. There were several stops and starts and she almost gave up quitting just before the announcement of the first Ditching the Booze course. That was the fuel Robyn needed to try again.
Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.
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| RE 558: Nothing Gets Worse | 27 Oct 2025 | 00:51:29 | |
Today we have Josh. He is 48 years old, from Sarasota, FL and took his last drink of alcohol on September 23rd, 2023.
This episode brought to you by:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – the social app for sober people.
This is the last week to sign up for Café RE during Sober October. For the next four days when you join, you will receive a free month!
[02:28] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul was having a talk with his good friend Dusty the other day and he mentioned that when he quit drinking, nothing got worse. Which leads us to the conclusion that everything got better?
This whole thing is complicated but also it isn't. We are sold a bundle of lies from big alcohol. It just takes time to get the message to all parts of us that when you quit drinking nothing will get worse. When you quit drinking, everything will get better. Finances improve, and we start to feel better about ourselves, just to name a few things.
The word alcohol in Arabic and other languages references alcohol as a spirit or living entity. Several languages in the East, alcohol is literally translated into "mind and body eating spirit". Nothing will get worse when you quit drinking, and to flip it, everything will get better when you're not consuming a body and mind eating spirit.
[08:45] Paul introduces Josh:
Josh is 48 and lives in Sarasota, FL. He is married with three children, he works in sales and marketing for a wellness company which he enjoys and for fun he enjoys cooking and spending time with his family.
Josh never had any alcohol until he was 20 years old. It wasn't an issue for him for a very long time until it began creeping up on him shortly before COVID. Josh says it was around this time that he was having issues with his job and found himself drinking around the clock in order to cope with it.
During COVID it only got worse. Josh says there was a lot of internal conflict around his drinking, and he says he was drinking more than he was sober and the alcohol was always corrupting him. It was hard for him to stop on his own as he had become physically dependent on it.
Josh's wife gave him an ultimatum after his first attempt at sobriety didn't work and told him to go to inpatient treatment or they were done. Josh went, didn't take it seriously and only stayed four of the ten days because he was able to convince a doctor to let him leave early. Everything in Josh's life was hanging by a thread when he left for a work trip in Italy that ended up being his rock bottom moment.
Josh drank on the flight over and did not stop after he arrived. He missed the work event and was admitted to the hospital that evening. When he awoke, he had lost his job and proceeded to drown his sorrows with whiskey and trazodone. Josh's wife had found out about him going to the hospital and came to Italy without Josh knowing. She and their friend (who was a nurse) found Josh on the floor of his hotel room without a pulse and saved his life. Josh feels that was divine intervention.
Upon returning home, Josh attended a 30-day inpatient treatment where his life changed. He met other men that were going through treatment at the same time that helped him learn new skills that would help shape his life going forward. Josh always had a hard time asking for help so learning to surrender in all ways has been important to his healing.
Josh began to learn what a gift being present can be after spending so much of his life running from things. Josh is actively working on healing his relationship with his family and friends and is also beginning to explore his spiritual side.
Josh's parting piece of guidance: surrender and you have to be willing to do the hard work.
Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this
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| RE 549: The Problem, and the Solution | 25 Aug 2025 | 00:51:43 | |
Today we have Justin. He is 40 years old and lives in Northern Ontario. He took his last drink on August 20th, 2023.
This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – the social app for sober people [04:03] Thoughts from Paul:
In our question for sobriety, we often ask ourselves why the drinking? Why can't I stop? What's the problem here?
Paul shares his experience with the 12 Steps of AA, more specifically, step 4 where you list all of your resentments. He filled an entire notebook for his fourth step and after reading this out loud to his sponsor, it became clear to him that he was at least 50% of every problem that he encountered or had been part of. The fourth step showed him the patterns, and the data was clear – he was the problem. The same is true for all of us.
It turns out, in a non-shaming way, you are the problem, and you are not the solution. This should be empowering because if you are the problem, you're the only thing you can control. The solution is not a one and done thing. The big one here is to burn the ships and to start building community.
We used alcohol to numb the pains of living in a super challenging world, and the solution is that we have to find a better way to respond to the world and we have to come together to make this happen.
[08:39] Paul introduces Justin:
Justin is from Northern Ontario, has been married for 14 years and they have two dogs and cat. Formerly an electrician, Justin is now a part-time day trader. He enjoys hiking, yoga and meditation. Justin and his wife Danielle quit drinking together just over two years ago.
Justin had his first drink at age 15 with some friends. He didn't see the point in drinking at first but was happy to have friends to drink with. Over time he not only enjoyed spending time with friends he also began to enjoy the drinking too.
At 18, Justin had a job with a sound and lighting company, and they would do a lot of concerts. He reflects that the amount of booze that was around and available to him for free was insane. Within the next two years he developed a habit of drinking 10 to 20 beers a day. In addition to the drinking, Justin had developed an addiction to harder drugs.
When Justin was around age 23, he quit the job and doing hard drugs but used alcohol to help him. This contributed to his intake increasing and he was still drinking daily. Because he wasn't doing hard drugs anymore, he thought it was ok, and he was living clean. After Justin's third DUI charge in 2015, he begins to realize that he might have a problem. He quit for five days and decided he didn't have a problem, so he went back to drinking.
Living in a small town where many people drank more than them, Justin and Danielle had the illusion that they "weren't that bad". They enjoyed drinking together most of the time, but when they began fighting more often, they acknowledged that there might be an issue. They began trying moderation techniques, but eventually knew they just needed to stop altogether.
They drank one last time after losing their horse and Justin says he had the worst hangover the next day. They both had already been listening to the RE podcast and had joined Café RE. Justin is grateful to being doing this with his partner and they find strength in one another.
Justin was just diagnosed with a brain tumor, so they are planning a big move back to Southern Ontario to be closer to family. Being sober for these life changes is a gift, Justin says. When asked what his mantra has been for the last few months Justin says "go with the flow, keep on truckin', be like water. You can't fight life. Life is just going to push you as it pushes you and generally, you'll get what you need".
Justin's parting piece of guidance: the only way out is through. You gotta go through it to move out of it.
Recovery Elevator We took the elevator down. We gotta take the stairs back up. I love you guys.
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| RE 460: Text If You Need TP | 11 Dec 2023 | 01:02:32 | |
Today we have Kerry. She's 40 years old from Williston, ND and took her last drink on January 7th, 2016. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Shoutout to our Café RE chat hosts! Thank you for your dedication to the community, and for providing a space for us to share our experiences. You're the best! [01:29] Highlights from Kris:
It's important that we surround ourselves with people who are going to enrich our lives. People who will meet us where we are, but also challenge us and encourage us to grow.
Kris shares some examples of great friends he has in his life and shares an article that outlines Five Types of Friends – friends we need and need to be.
Take a look at the people you have in your life. Do you think you have someone that fits in each of these categories? When was the last time you let them know what they mean to you? Use this as a reminder to tell someone you love them, and that you're grateful for them.
If you find yourself today, feeling like YOU'RE alone, I promise you that you're not. You're people are out there.
[10:15] Kris introduces Kerry:
Kerry and her partner live in Williston, ND and are raising four kids. She recently decided she was going to become a firefighter which stemmed from being an EMT and a nurse. She enjoys spending time with the kids and they are currently rebuilding a boat.
Kerry was exposed to alcohol throughout her childhood but didn't really have any great interest in it. She feels that she was a people pleaser and didn't want to get in trouble until senior year when she decided she could let loose and have some fun before going to college. She found alcohol gave her relief from the stressors in her life.
Going into college she and her friends were party seekers. She had excelled so much academically that she felt she could relax and have fun and not worry about responsibilities. Her idea of an addict was her dad who wasn't obvious about it. She didn't have the consequences he did so she didn't feel she had any problems. When she was 19 her parents put her into rehab because of drug use. While she was there the counselors recognized that her bigger issue was drinking. Kerry didn't listen and continued to drink after leaving treatment.
Kerry's parents got a divorce and she had moved back home. She used any excuse to drink to not deal with things. She was having consequences like DUIs and broken relationships. At the time Kerry was working with her mom at a family business where happy hours and daily drinking after work were part of the daily landscape.
Looking for a change, Kerry a boyfriend moved to Alaska and started a family. The drinking slowed down, but after that relationship ended and they shared custody of the kids, Kerry found herself going back to drinking.
After moving back to North Dakota, she continued to use drinking to self-medicate. People didn't realize it because she was so good at taking care of other people and being a problem solver. Over time the drinking was getting heavier and heavier, and Kerry tried to create parameters to control it.
She tried quitting for a while but when she tested the waters again, she had consequences including another DUI where she realized she needed to get help to quit completely. She joined Lion Rock Recovery, which was all online, so she didn't need to leave her family for treatment. It helped her focus on the reason she drank and deal with her mental health and gave her tools to use after the program ended.
Kerry's plan in recovery moving forward: keep learning, keep doing crazy things like firefighting and getting more involved with recovery service.
Kerry's parting piece of guidance: there isn't a roadmap, and if one thing doesn't work, you can try another.
Recovery Elevator We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE: Holiday Bonus Episode | 07 Dec 2023 | 01:04:04 | |
Now the Holidays have been coupled with alcohol for as long as the Earth has been orbiting the Sun. I'm kidding, that isn't correct, but you get the point. And if you're struggling with alcohol or trying to get sober, the holidays can be the ultimate challenge. This episode should help.
In this Holiday Collab Episode, we've got Gill from the Sober Powered Podcast. Casey from the Hello Someday Podcast, and Veronica from the Soberful Podcast. | |||
| RE 459: Let's Smile | 04 Dec 2023 | 00:44:21 | |
Today we have Spencer. He's 44 years old from Minneapolis, MN and took his last drink on September 23rd, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:04] Highlights from Paul:
Start your day with a smile. It doesn't matter if the smile is fake or real. The body doesn't know the difference and the nervous system always responds positively with a smile.
Smiling increases mood-enhancing hormones. Smiling releases endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin, while decreasing stress-enhancing hormones, including cortisol, and adrenaline. It also reduces overall blood pressure.
Another reason to smile is that research shows that smiles are contagious. Most people will find a way to reciprocate in a friendly manner. Smiling is a way to be of service because it makes other people's days better.
Spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hanh has said "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
Start your day with a 30 -second smile. And not for just one day or two, but rock that smile every morning for the rest of this year and hopefully beyond. And don't forget to keep that smile going throughout the day.
Paul shares some dad jokes to help get us started.
[08:04] Paul introduces Spencer:
Spencer grew up in Minneapolis area. He is married with two kids. He enjoys playing blues and rock on his guitar and spending time on the river with his family. Spencer has been an electrician for 23 years.
Spencer says that alcohol was a big part of his family's life while he was growing up. Both of his parents drank, and every event was centered around alcohol. Spencer didn't try alcohol until he was around 15. He had a friend who's parent worked nights, so their house became a party house and drinking happened frequently.
Spencer got married young and they both drank heavily. They had a daughter together and eventually they ended up getting a divorce. At the time Spencer blamed a lot of the issues on his ex. Once she moved out Spencer had some friends move in and says the drinking became daily and he was losing jobs. He eventually started having financial issues and lost his house.
It was shortly after he started dating a woman that didn't drink like him that he realized that drinking might be a problem for him. He didn't really make any changes until the birth of his son when he began to try moderating and added rules around his drinking.
Things were going well for Spencer and then he got a call from his son's mother that she was a heroin addict. He ended up having to get custody of him and knew he had to stop drinking for his son. He was able to quit for a while but gradually let drinking slip back in.
Spencer was able to quit for a few years and started recognizing how big of an issue alcohol had been for him. He knew he wanted to quit but wasn't sure how he was going to be able to do it.
New activities have replaced drinking for Spencer. He is working on his relationships with his kids and has been talking to them about alcohol and the issues within the family. Spencer is open about his sobriety with others. He listens to a lot of podcasts about addiction and enjoys online AA meetings and has plans to do the steps. Spencer knows how important connection will be going forward.
Spencer's parting piece of guidance: If you think you have a problem, find someone that's sober to talk about it, listen to podcasts, get connected.
Recovery Elevator Remember Rule 22, keep those smiles going. Lighten up. I love you guys.
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| RE 458: Passion Will Return | 27 Nov 2023 | 01:03:53 | |
Today we have Mike. He is 44 from Huntsville, AL and took his last drink on April 10th, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:42] Highlights from Paul:
Paul shares how releasing his first album is a huge win for him and that the listeners are a big part of making it happen.
Something commonly heard when people quit drinking is "what is going to fill the void?". We have to rediscover likes and interests. Part of the journey is trying out new hobbies. Sometimes it takes a while to find out what we like to do though, so be patient with your healing.
If you want to hear the outro song and the full album under the name of Pablo Church, you can check it out on Spotify, or search your preferred music streaming service.
[07:18] Kris introduces Mike:
Mike lives in Huntsville, AL and works in construction. He is married and they have five kids. He enjoys attending his kids' sporting events and being outside and active.
Mike grew up in a conservative home. His father had a history of rebellion and his mother lost both parents to alcoholism when she was young, so they chose to keep alcohol out of the home.
Mike first tried alcohol on New Year's Eve when he was in 8th grade while at a friend's house. He started to associate alcohol with having a good time but didn't drink much during high school even though his friends did. Mike was a people pleaser both at home and with his friends. He feels this tendency drove him to start drinking and smoking pot to fit in with everyone.
Mike went to one semester of college and decided it wasn't for him. After some consequences from his drinking, he ended up moving back home and working construction. He was still drinking and smoking but trying to make better choices.
When Mike met his wife, they decided to make some changes. They quit drinking and smoking and started becoming more active in the church community. When the job market started changing in Michigan, they moved to Alabama where Mike was offered a new job.
After a while, Mike decided to quit his job and start his own construction business. That was going well but Mike found that managing the business instead of doing the labor was very different and more stressful. As time when on his drinking gradually increased and since everyone else was drinking, he could justify it. Over time he was drinking before, during and after work. His wife discovered the stash in his office and that's when Mike said he would quit. For a few months, he found himself hiding his drinking and trying to drink less, which didn't work.
Mike eventually sought outpatient treatment and tried that for a while before his counselor told him he had to do more. Mike was resistant to trying AA but once he did he was able to start making some changes and getting help to stay sober.
Mike's plan in sobriety moving forward: to make the most of the time he has left.
Mike's parting piece of guidance: today is just a day and time takes time.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here.
Recovery Elevator You're the only one that can do this, but you don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 457: What if I Can't Quit Drinking? | 20 Nov 2023 | 00:53:53 | |
Today we have Ryan. He's 33 years old from Orange County, NY and took his last drink on September 24th, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Happy Thanksgiving to all the listeners in the USA! Be sure to take some time this week and let the universe know what you are thankful for and remember a drink won't make your holiday any better. [02:42] Highlights from Paul:
It's the last Q&A episode and today's question is from Darren in Tampa Bay who asks, "What if I can't quit drinking?"
Paul shares that he could have asked this same question not that long ago and his message to Darren and others that maybe feeling this way is to keep moving forward, don't quit quitting, keep using the mind to build, to visualize your alcohol-free life. Accept it all, embrace the journey, and you will come out the other side.
Paul rephrases the question to ask, "what if I can't quit drinking today?" and shares some thoughts and strategies to implement which include:
- It isn't quitting for a lifetime, it's only for today and it gets easier. - Don't beat yourself up. People with drinking problems drink but on the flip side people with drinking problems quit every day. - Stick to the plan of seeking sobriety. "What you seek is seeking you". - For many, it is a journey, and it takes time for things to get into sync. You don't need to rush the process.
Thank you, listeners, for all the questions!
[10:44] Paul introduces Ryan:
Ryan is on day 5 at the time of this recording. He is 33 years old and is engaged and has two stepchildren. He is a drummer and loves playing metal music and enjoys watching horror movies.
Ryan's relationship with alcohol didn't begin until he was in his 20's. His drinking was mostly a few beers sporadically, but he quickly graduated to straight liquor. He started drinking regularly when he was about 23 to cope with stress and depression using alcohol as an escape. It was putting a strain on his relationship at the time, and she
Ryan feels he was functional and kept his problem hidden well. There were no rock bottoms for him yet, he was just drowning his feelings and didn't feel a reason to stop. The industry he worked in found he and his coworkers drinking together after work frequently.
Some severe pain in Ryan's hips and legs found him seeking medical attention. He went to a doctor who he has known for years, and they discovered that Ryan had AVN. This is a condition that doesn't happen to people in their 20's so Ryan shared his drinking habits with the doctor who connected the dots quickly.
Ryan was able to quit drinking for two years with the help of Campral while he was in recovery from hip replacement surgery. He reflects this was a very positive time in his life. Even after he relapsed, there have been times of abstinence with the assistance of naltrexone but feels he wasn't working on the underlying issues that caused him to want to drink.
Ryan has been trying to figure out his "why". His depression plays a role in it, he says, but it feels complex. He knows that all alcohol is causing several health issues, but he is working on harm reduction and learning more about what alcohol does to us. Ryan has the support of his fiancé, his friends and family and utilizes his music to help him cope now.
Ryan's parting piece of guidance: if you think drinking is a problem for you, quitting can be done, it's not easy but it is simple. Incorporate medications, therapy and a support network.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 456: How Do You Let Go of Resentments? | 13 Nov 2023 | 00:58:10 | |
Today we have Nathan. He's 42 years old and from Andover, MN and took his last drink on April 19th, 2023. [02:01] Highlights from Paul:
Today's question is from Darren A. who asks, "Can you discuss resentment and letting go of resentment?"
Life is a school where the people, places, and things are there to help us grow and become deeper human beings. The people we encounter in life are there to help us grow.
The theory is that none of this is happening to you. Remember, that is how a victim speaks. Flip that to believe that everything that has ever happened to you in your life is happening for you, for your own personal growth and development, to make you a more resilient human being.
Resentments are the teachers. Yes, they suck, they emotionally and physically hurt, but they are the opportunities for healthy and normal growth.
Another strategy is to stop labeling things as good or bad. When a person, place or thing pisses you off, try to recognize the mind immediately slapping a label on it, try to remain open. We don't know what's going on behind the scenes. That person who may have recently dogged you may have actually shielded you from a tragedy down the road.
"You can be right, or you can have peace." Paul shares this mantra with us frequently on the podcast. He tries to repeat this mantra when he encounters a difficult life challenge.
We want to hear from the listener. How do you overcome resentments? Let us know in our Monday Instagram post on the Recovery Elevator Instagram page.
[08:56] Kris introduces Nathan:
Nathan is 42 and lives in Andover, MN. He works in financial operations but was recently laid off. He is in the process of going through a divorce and has two cats. He enjoys woodworking and building things with hand tools, he also enjoys golf, reading and occasionally writing.
Nathan calls himself a late bloomer and hated beer. It was normal to have it around when he was growing up, but his dad drank NA beer. He was a casual drinker through his twenties and thirties.
In late 2019 Nathan's wife was in a car accident related to some health issues. It was a very stressful time for them as his wife was unable to drive and undergoing a lot of testing and Nathan was dealing with a very stressful work project as well.
Some health issues drove Nathan to use alcohol to ease his symptoms. His career was stressful, and he and his wife were having communication issues. Nathan didn't drink every day, but some days were binge sessions. He discovered the amount he could have without too many consequences the next day.
After a weekend of binge drinking, Nathan had an experience that felt like he was having a heart attack, and he went to the ER where he realized alcohol was causing the problems. Soon after he was able to admit to his wife that he needed to stop. He went back to the ER and told them that he needed help. After detox, Nathan enrolled in an IOP and connected with a great counselor.
It took a few months for Nathan to start feeling physically better and is currently confronting some difficult life situations. He plays the tape forward and continues to work on his recovery despite the strong emotions he is dealing with.
Nathan's favorite resources in recovery: his IOP counselor, the RE podcast and Café RE.
Nathan's parting piece of guidance: make a plan (to avoid relapse), make it really detailed and change it as you need to.
Recovery Elevator You're the only one that can do this, but you don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 455: How Do You Feel About Ayahuasca and Other Plant Medicines? | 06 Nov 2023 | 00:56:39 | |
Today we have Chris. He is 40 years old and lives in Austin, TX. He took his last drink on February 16th, 2007. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:16] Highlights from Paul:
Today is episode 9 out of 10 in the Q&A series.
Today's question comes from Krista B, in our Café RE group. She says:
"How Paul is feeling about ayahuasca and other plant medicines. Are you still as passionate about its benefits today as a few years ago? Has the treatment worked in a sustained way, in your opinion?"
Paul shared his initial experience with ayahuasca in episode 170. He believes that plant medicines have a place in the world of addiction and mental health. Do not buy it on the internet and try it solo; set and setting is everything. There is so much preparation that needs to go into an ayahuasca ceremony and under the right circumstances, it will answer many questions. A big one being why you drink. Paul shares how ayahuasca still impacts his everyday life.
While Paul found plant medicine helpful on his journey, he recognizes it's not for everyone, nor does he think everyone should try plant medicine. If you are interested, please do your own research before trying it.
[11:59] Paul introduces Chris:
Chris lives in Austin Texas; he is married with two children aged 8 and 9. He is an entrepreneur and enjoys being creative through many avenues.
Chris always felt like an outsider that didn't belong while he was growing up. His parents divorced when he was young, and he blamed himself and ended up distancing himself from people. He craved connections and ended up starting drinking with a group of friends. Chris felt like alcohol was the solution to his feelings of not belonging. His drinking increased and over time he lost all those connections that he used alcohol to find and was drinking alone. At age 23 he went to treatment where they helped him recognize that he had some mental health issues, the main ones being social anxiety and depression.
Some alumni from the group accepted Chris, helped him go to meetings and then they would all socialize afterwards. He finally felt he was making connections that he had craved all his life.
Seeing people that were staying sober and succeeding was a big boost to Chris' confidence, and he felt like it was possible for him to do the same. His life in sobriety was becoming so great that he never had a desire to go back to drinking.
Chris started going to school to become a counselor and immediately started working in the recovery field. He knew it was important to maintain and strengthen his recovery to do the job successfully.
Chris started Sans Bar in 2018 as a pop-up bar when there were very few options in the alcohol-free arena. The pop-ups grew, and more and more people were interested in what Chris was doing, mostly through word of mouth. He feels it came along at the right time as the sober curious movement was beginning. Chris says doing this gave him the same feelings that his first sip of booze did – he was forming connections. He feels Sans Bar is for everyone, not just people in recovery.
Chris's favorite resources in recovery: The Luckiest Club, 12 step programs, podcasts.
Chris's parting piece of guidance: you can't fail. The point of sobriety is not abstinence, it's growth.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 454: How Do I Do More In My Recovery Community? | 30 Oct 2023 | 00:59:43 | |
Today we have Kristan. She is 60 years old and lives in Delaware. She took her last drink on June 3rd, 2019. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [01:34] Highlights from Kris:
Today we are continuing the Q & A series and it's a two for one. First question, Dale wants to know "How can I do more in my recovery community?"
Some traditional responses to this question might AA, or any other group with the word recovery in it. These are great, but Kris shares that we can expand our view to other groups. Church groups, book club, a running club, or a workout group.
Sharing can be a great way to get involved within a recovery community. Hearing others share and be vulnerable encourages us to share and be vulnerable too. By being open, you are being of service in your recovery. You never know who you may be helping with your share.
Think of the things that you bring to the table, and what you'd like to see your community offer. It could be as simple as organizing an outing to have a meal with other local members or hosting a chat in your online community.
Listen to your heart. If you feel that tug to do something, be obedient to that. We have no idea how it could impact our lives, or the lives of other people.
[09:25]: Kris introduces Kristan:
Kristan is married and has adult kids, she enjoys traveling, participating in triathlons, and hanging out with her sober friends doing fun activities.
Kristan grew up in Louisiana and started drinking when she was 12 and partied throughout high school. She graduated from college and moved to Australia for a few years. She moved to DC when she came back and worked as a reporter while enjoying the nightlife. Kristan says that in her profession, drinking was very common, and she surrounded herself with people that drank a lot.
Later when she bought a house in Delaware, her and her husband split time between home and DC which left Kristan with a lot of time alone. She started putting rules around her drinking early on which found her frustrated. Her husband doesn't drink which made her feel like she was being monitored. Kristan never drank during the day but found herself drinking daily at 5pm. Her problem wasn't obvious to her because she was successful and hadn't lost anything (yet).
Kristan's drinking came to a head after a long night of drinking with friends where she doesn't remember the last few hours. She woke up to a text from her daughter stating that she was concerned about her drinking. Kristan decided it was time to quit. A phone call to family member in recovery helped her take the first steps. A few days later she told husband she quit drinking. She started regularly attending AA and got a sponsor, began reading books about recovery and enjoyed listening to podcasts.
Kristan was eager to celebrate all of life's events sober. She says she has a great group of friends that are still fun in sobriety. After quitting, Kristan realizes how much mind space drinking took up. She says the first year was difficult, but she got stronger as she went. Kristan loves being sober. Her relationships with her daughter and husband are the best they have ever been.
Kristan's future plan in sobriety: working on her emotional sobriety.
Kristan's parting piece of guidance: give it a year, surround yourself with sober people.
[54:15] Kris answers Bobbie the Awesome's question regarding NA beverages and shares some personal experiences.
Choosing whether to drink them or not is a very personal decision. It's up to you to decide what's right for you, and it's a good idea to err on the side of caution if you are nervous about it.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here.
Recovery Elevator We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 453: How Would You Describe a "Spiritual Experience" in Recovery? | 23 Oct 2023 | 01:00:51 | |
Today we have Andy. He is 46 from Washington, DC and took his last drink on August 12th, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:17] Highlights from Paul:
Today's question is from Liz in the Café RE OG group: "How Would You Describe a "Spiritual Experience" in Recovery? Was it a Bill W. "White Light" or a long series of little twinkles? Somewhere in between? Something else altogether?"
We all know there is no right or wrong way to quit drinking, but Paul believes the spirituality component is important, because it connects or reconnects you to the universe or a god of your understanding.
For many, a large twinkle of spirituality took place took place near the date of their last drink. Some call this a window of clarity. I've heard it been described as "I just knew it was going to be different this time." Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung called them synchronicities or the breadcrumbs of life.
Everyone's version of spiritual awakening will be different. We just need to be open to the twinkles that can happen all around us.
[11:53]: Paul introduces Andy:
Andy took his last drink less than a week before the time of this recording. Andy has moved around a bit while being in the military but currently lives in DC. He is an officer in the Air Force and has been serving for 26 years. He is married and has four kids. He enjoys ultra marathons, gardening, and traveling with his family.
Andy grew up around a lot of drinking in the small town he lived in. There was always beer in the house, and he feels it was ingrained in his life. He had his first drink in 8th grade. It was on a grueling camping trip when one of the adults handed him a bottle of booze and told him it would take the edge off. He really enjoyed the feelings he got from it.
Andy did well in school both academically and athletically, but the drinking continued. After graduating college, he enlisted in the military. He would stay sober during brief deployments but would start drinking again as soon as he came home. He struggled with missing his military family more than his wife and kids at home.
Andy had an opportunity to work at the Embassy in Croatia, so they moved. After a few years Andy and his wife split up and his drinking was out of control. He ended up moving back to the US as a single dad. He was not being as productive at work due to his drinking and often used his being a single dad as an excuse.
Andy was able to get sober few times after asking for help. First from a very close friend after a major bout of anxiety and then at another time post relapse from a doctor when he originally went to see them for a sore throat. He says that during these experiences, he felt relief. He started going to AA and stopped fighting that he was unable to casually drink. His wife would attend meetings with him for support. Andy got a very patient sponsor who helped him through the steps. Life started improving a lot for him over this time.
After a relapse last Christmas, Andy fell right back into the cycle and was even hiding alcohol again. He considers the five years he had as part of his recovery and plans to get back into AA when he feels ready. He misses how he felt and wants it back. Andy plans to get back to good habits to help him stay sober, reading books, listening to podcasts, and sharing with his wife.
Andy's favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast, reading, finding someone you can trust to talk to daily.
Andy's parting piece of guidance: hold onto this moment and don't look too far ahead or too far in the past.
Recovery Elevator We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 452: How Do You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others in Recovery? | 16 Oct 2023 | 00:57:02 | |
Today we have Emilee. She is 33 from Double Springs, AL and has been alcohol free since February 26th, 2023.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:55] Highlights from Paul:
Today's question is from Dale: How do I stop comparing myself to others in Recovery?
This is a BIG PICTURE question. An issue that probably didn't arise when you quit drinking. I'm guessing this is something you have been doing for quite some time.
Part of this is healthy. You'll want to model your sobriety after someone who seems to have done the work, or who has what you want. You'll want to compare parts of your journey with theirs… But the key is not to have it consume you.
Paul shares his thoughts on this topic and reminds us that comparison is all part of the human condition and to know that when one person blooms, we all receive the benefit.
[10:30]: Kris introduces Emilee:
Emilee is 33 from Double Springs, AL. She is married and they have one daughter together. For work, she is a high school algebra teacher and for fun she enjoys doing outdoor activities including hunting and fishing and she also enjoys playing the piano, working out and cooking.
While growing up, Emilee didn't have much exposure to alcohol. She says she was always shy growing up and it wasn't until she was 19 that a boyfriend introduced her to a group of friends that drank a lot. In that environment, she discovered a different version of herself that was much more outgoing. This went on for a few months, but her drinking decreased for about a year before she went to college.
Emilee managed to keep with her studies but when she drank it was always to excess. She was home for the summer when her father suddenly passed away. She had to go back to school very soon after it happened and while she didn't drink to cope with it, she had a lot of anxiety and was just going through the motions.
After graduating from college, Emilee got married and then got her first teaching job all in a short period of time. While the first year of her new career was very stressful, Emilee started a routine of getting alcohol on the way home from work and drinking throughout the evening. Her husband was also drinking and after a while they both started putting parameters on it. They eventually tried to quit, but that didn't last, and Emilee started finding herself hiding her drinking and preferring drinking alone.
While pregnant, Emilee was able to stop drinking. She remained sober for a few months after having her daughter, but gradually started going back to her old habits. Emilee says she never really dealt with her father's death so her emotions would come up a lot when she would get drunk.
Emilee started feeling the pull to quit drinking. She got a bunch of books and was able to stop for a few days at a time. Listening to the RE podcast would often keep her from stopping at the store for alcohol. Learning the science of what alcohol does to our bodies also helped her quit. Since quitting drinking Emilee feels that her relationships have improved.
Emilee's favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast and Café RE.
Emilee's parting piece of guidance: don't quit quitting.
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Recovery Elevator We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 548: Let's Cover the Basics | 18 Aug 2025 | 00:57:10 | |
Today we have Amy. She is 41 years old and lives in Raleigh, NC. She took her last drink on December 12th, 2023.
This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – use code RE20 to save 20% off of your order
October 2026 we have a new retreat we have yet to do. This is an in-person alcohol-free ukulele retreat taking place in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. There will be ukulele instruction in the mornings and Spanish immersion courses in the afternoon.
[02:01] Thoughts from Paul:
Addiction is disconnecting with the self and your fellow humans. More sobriety is connection with the self, your fellow humans and more. "I" equals illness, "we" equals wellness.
Quitting drinking is a perfect circle. Your drinking crisis is an opportunity for someone to help. Phrased with 12 step verbiage, your first step is someone else's 12th step. And when you find your footing, you can then assist someone else in their drinking crisis.
When the soul is hurting, the healing only happens when you're not alone. And speaking of being alone, listeners, you are not alone. You are not the only one who struggles with alcohol. You, along with the other listeners, are seeking not only sobriety but seeking a deeper connection with all. Seeking answers that the bottle can't deliver. You are in the right place.
[07:37] Paul introduces Amy:
Amy is 41 years old and lives in Raleigh, NC with her husband and a three-year-old son. Amy says she is a theater nerd and does improv comedy for fun.
Amy grew up in the southwest side of Chicago where she says her father was an alcoholic. She has memories of being a child at AA and Al-Anon meetings with her parents as well as memories of her father taking her to bars when they would tell her mother they were somewhere else.
Amy had her first drink when she was 15 while going to a concert with older teens. There was a bottle passed around the group and they all got drunk. Later that night she was found in the field of the concert venue by paramedics and taken to the hospital to have her stomach pumped.
She began to live a double life throughout high school and college. Amy saw that if she got good grades and joined all of the clubs, she would get praise and recognition. On the flip side she would drink very hard, and it wasn't uncommon for her to get alcohol poisoning. Only after going to grad school in New York was Amy able to calm down a bit.
After COVID, Amy and her husband were doing IVF. Amy says she didn't drink much at this point, but after having the baby, she suffered from postpartum anxiety which led her to daily drinking as a tool to cope with it. Over time she would begin to try moderation but limiting herself to two drinks was difficult and led to binges.
Amy's last bender was at a holiday work party. The next day she found herself hungover and asked herself how her drinking was any better than her father's was when she was younger. She knew that she may be heading down a dangerous path, so Amy decided to call the local AA helpline.
Amy began going to AA meetings and found a sponsor. She shares that her mother was a great support because of her experience with Al-Anon and she understood what Amy was going through.
One of the best things for Amy was burning the ships and gaining accountability. Even after 18 months, Amy admits there is white knuckling at times. She realizes that after 25 years of drinking, it doesn't all heal within 18 months, but she is grateful to be where she is and says that since getting sober, she hasn't missed a day of her son's life.
Amy's parting piece of guidance: everything that she was looking for while getting drunk can be found in recovery and she found it in Café RE and AA. Take what works and leave the rest.
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys.
Café RE – the social app for sober people
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| RE 451: What to Say to Someone Who is About to Drink | 09 Oct 2023 | 00:56:51 | |
Today we have Grant. He is 54 from Sacramento, CA and took his last drink on August 10th, 2020. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:16] Highlights from Paul:
We are five weeks into our Q & A series. This week's question comes from Sarah C. "What can you say to someone, so they don't drink?" Or how to help someone not drink.
Paul gives us some tried and true methods that work and strategies that the Recovery Elevator team believe in. Here are a few suggestions that Paul shares with us:
Tough love does not work, so a tone or stance of unconditional love needs to be present when confronting a friend who is about to drink.
Quick note about boundaries. Talking with people that are drunk can be triggering, and little can be done. Ask them to call you in the morning or when they are sober.
Being there with your presence, whether it is in person, via the phone or FaceTime, or Zoom, is the best thing you can do to help them. Holding space provides a safe container for the person to feel the feels, sit front and center with a craving and not feel judged or criticized.
You can also ask them about their "why". Having them be clear on their "why" again is never a bad idea. You can also remind them that alcohol has been ruined. Drinking while knowing that alcohol no longer has a place in your life isn't fun.
[10:48]: Paul introduces Grant:
Grant is 54 and lives in Sacramento, CA. He is married and they have two young adult kids. He enjoys hiking and the area he lives in has a lot of nice places he explores. Grant works in research and public policy work in California and now focuses on addiction and recovery.
Grant says his first experience with alcohol was when he was 12. A friend had procured a bottle of brandy and they both ended up drinking to the point of going to the hospital. He drank through junior high and high school with a group of friends on weekends. The drinking continued in college, and he started trying other substances as well. Grant says there weren't many consequences.
When Grant was in his 30's after they had children, he found that alcohol helped him take the stress off. He quickly switched from beer to vodka that was easier to hide. He was succeeding at work which stressed him out more than he realized. He says it took some time but eventually he was drinking in the morning just to feel normal.
In 2019 someone from HR confronted Grant about smelling of alcohol and he told them that he was an alcoholic. He couldn't admit it to his wife initially but started looking for outpatient treatment. He was able to quit for a time but relapsed after a painful experience with work which found him resigning and taking a new job with a pay cut. At this point Grant had joined Café RE and left home for a little while to live in a sober living house. He learned a lot while he was there and realized that he was going to have to do things differently.
After sober living, Grant started a home breathalyzer program to help him stay motivated. A meetup with fellow Café RE members gave Grant another turning point and realized that he was on the right path.
In recovery, Grant started volunteering with a non-profit in the addiction and recovery field. He also started listening to another recovery podcast where he shared information about addiction and recovery. He left to work for the non-profit called Shatterproof which helps people find treatment and recovery with their Treatment Atlas. Grant also has his own website about addiction and recovery – Sober Linings Playbook.
[53:19] Paul closes the episode with a poem from Peter, a Café RE member.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys.
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| RE 450: What are Alcohol Withdrawals Like in the First Week? | 02 Oct 2023 | 01:02:11 | |
Today we have Sarah. She is 46 and lives in Buckhannon, WV. Sarah has been alcohol free since December 15, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:23] Highlights from Paul:
We are four weeks into our ten-episode Q & A series and today's question is "what are alcohol withdrawals like in the first week?" This question as asked by Robyn in Café RE Blue.
The answer to this is going to depend on how much you drink on a daily or nightly basis and it's not a one size fits all answer.
I highly recommend detoxing under medical supervised care if you consume more than 6-8 drinks daily and have been doing so for several months or years. Quitting cold turkey can be life threatening. 72 hours is the magic number. Once you hit this number, the worst of the physical components are behind you.
Paul shares some tips for navigating the first week and shares some of the changes our bodies go through. The whole withdrawal process from one week to several months has a term called PAWS or post-acute withdrawal symptoms. Check out the YouTube video Paul did about this.
Thank you, Robyn, for the question, if you want a question answered on the podcast, send your questions to info@recoveryelevator.com.
[13:41]: Kris introduces Sarah:
Sarah currently lives in West Virginia, works in higher learning, and has two daughters and three stepchildren. For fun Sarah enjoys arts and crafts, DIY things, and enjoys plants.
In high school, Sarah did not drink but grew up around a lot of drinking by her extended family. She never saw anything negative about it. In her early twenties she joined the Air Force where drinking is prevalent. At one point she had a few friends approach her about her drinking to which Sarah took offense. Over the course of the next several years she continued to drink the same way. Despite small consequences, she didn't feel like she had a problem.
Around 10 years ago she and her husband were in counseling. She stated in a session that she needed some help and went to rehab after which she was able to stay sober briefly. Sarah says she got a lot out of her time in rehab. For a short period of time Sarah was able to drink moderately, but it increased after a series of negative life events. She started noticing the negative side effects of heavy drinking physically and emotionally.
When Sarah got sober this time, she knew she needed to join a community, and someone recommended Café RE to her. She has made great friends since being there and feels like this time in sobriety has been easy and she earned for it to be.
Sarah's plan for recovery moving forward: to keep doing the work, attend more chats and start thinking about how to serve others.
Sarah's parting piece of guidance: talk about it and reach out with others that have similar experiences.
[59:20] Kris' closing:
Fall is here and Kris is ready for it. He reminds us all to get out there and play. Do all the fall things. Slow down, take a breath, and enjoy the moment you are in.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
You're the only ones that can do this RE, but you don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 449: How to Make it Through Your First Sober Concert? | 25 Sep 2023 | 00:53:45 | |
Today we have Santino. He is 35 from Taunton, MA and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[03:05] Highlights from Paul:
Today's question comes from Kelly in our Café RE Up Group. The question is "how do you make it through your first sober concert?"
The first of eight fantastic tips include giving yourself a little alcohol-free time before going to a concert. Once you've got some time under your belt, and the cravings are in check, then you can hit the green light on concerts. Regardless of how many days you have, if you are feeling squirrely the dray of the concert then sit it out. Sobriety is the priority.
Paul then shares several tips to include:
- Always have a non-alcoholic beverage in hand. - Do not volunteer to be the DD. - Make sure everyone you are attending with knows your intentions.
Some of the best parts about sober concerts? You will remember it. You will save money. You won't get a DUI on the drive home.
[10:14]: Paul introduces Santino:
Santino is a repeat guest and has maintained his sobriety since his last appearance on episode 397 where he was on day 43.
Santino is married and has one son. For fun, he loves going outside in nature to go hiking and go to the beach, but he also says that there is fun in everything since quitting drinking.
Santino had his first drink as a young teen. His mom was a single parent for a while, and he feels that he may have started drinking because the absence of his father bothered him. He learned that alcohol became a friend to him, and he feels like he used it for connection with his father and in contrast, to disconnect from her mother.
Santino joined the Air Force out of high school and found alcohol to be part of the culture. Between his early 20s and his early 30s he started deliberately planning his drinking to include before going out and drinking alone. Santino says he used a lot of rationalization that he wasn't as bad as other people when it came to how he drank. He often pushed off having to think about it.
There wasn't much hiding it from his spouse initially because they both drank. His hiding became more intentional as time went on, specifically after his son was born and during the pandemic. He found himself being sneakier about it. Santino started struggling with mood swings and being less communicative and didn't want to address the fact that he needed help to quit drinking. He started to realize that this was going to destroy his family and he needed to rip the band aid off and address it. Once he addressed it with his wife, he felt freedom but was also worried about the process.
In the early days of his recovery, Santino and his wife began counseling to work on rebuilding their relationship. Santino also found that he started to feel healthier in general, was getting better sleep and did not miss the hangovers at all. Santino has been able to save money which assisted him with paying off some credit card debt he incurred while drinking. As a parent, he feels more centered and present with his son. He attends AA frequently, listens to podcasts, and surrounds himself with others in recovery.
Santino's parting piece of guidance: give yourself grace in all the moments that you feel that you don't even deserve it.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 448: How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control | 18 Sep 2023 | 01:07:17 | |
Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:48] Highlights from Kris:
Today's question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know "how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?"
Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.
Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: "when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me".
[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:
Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.
Jen didn't drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn't control it. She drank very casually because she didn't want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.
Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.
After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.
Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.
Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds "playing the tape forward" very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.
Jen's plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.
Jen's parting piece of guidance: "play it forward" it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.
[01:03:47] Kris' outro:
Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we'll all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 447: Can You Be Addicted to Alcohol and Not Be An Alcoholic? | 11 Sep 2023 | 00:52:22 | |
Today we have Stephanie. She is 35 from and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022 Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:43] Highlights from Paul:
Paul and Kris are going to be doing a ten-part intro series where we answer questions from listeners. If you have a question that you'd like us to answer on the air, send them to info@recoveryelevator.com.
Paul shares one of his biggest regrets since starting the podcast and also answers the first question from Brady in South Denver. He asked, "can you be addicted to alcohol and not be an alcoholic?"
Paul begins his answer with "The Answer is yes. And no. And a little bit of yes, and little bit of No. Welcome to a world full of paradoxes."
Next week we will hear Kris answer the next question: "How do I learn to let go of things and stop trying to control?".
[09:23]: Paul introduces Stephanie:
Stephanie is 35 and she is from Connecticut, currently living in Washington State. She works as an accountant and as a server at a restaurant. She has one son and a dog. Stephanie enjoys reading both for fun and for a podcast she has: So, What Are You Reading?, and she has recently picked up paddleboarding.
Stephanie had her first drink when she was 16 and had a bad experience and said she wasn't going to do it again. She drank very sporadically until she moved to Washington with her son's father. After they broke up, she moved into an apartment on her own and felt like alcohol was her only friend. She progressed from wine to harder alcohol over time and began to try and put parameters on her drinking. After a while, Stephanie realized that drinking wasn't what she was supposed to be doing. She started recognizing that she wasn't present for her son. Her anxiety was terrible, and she had issues with remembering things from the night before which made it worse. But Stephanie says she enjoyed the chaos that came with the drinking escapades, even though it was making her life harder than it needed to be. She got to the point that she didn't want to do anything.
When Stephanie's current boyfriend did a Dry January in 2021, Stephanie joined him but says she white knuckled through it and drank as soon as February 1st came. That was when she started questioning what the point of drinking was. She had some very negative events in her last year of drinking to the point that on January 1st, 2023, she decided enough was enough.
During the first 30 days she binged on podcasts and YouTube videos. She started journalling, doing puzzles and playing board games with her son. Stephanie has been able to get into grad school, is able to plan vacations and try a lot of new things. Reading, exercise, and time outdoors have become very important to Stephanie.
Stephanie's favorite resources: The Sober Café (Facebook group), Recovery Elevator and other recovery podcasts,
Stephanie's parting piece of guidance: if alcohol is impacting you in a negative way just take it out for 100 days.
[49:27] Closing thoughts:
If you're not ready to quit drinking, none of the information we covered today is going to land, if you are ready, it doesn't matter what we cover. Focus on the similarities and not the differences.
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Recovery Elevator I love you guys. All is fine, and all will be well.
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| RE 446: Go Easy on Yourself | 04 Sep 2023 | 01:00:50 | |
Today we have Jonathan. He is 44 from Grand Forks, ND and took his last drink on May 17th, 2008. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:24] Highlights from Paul:
Straying from the sometimes-complex intros, Paul urges us to go easy on ourselves.
Despite all of our agricultural, scientific, and technological innovations, this is the hardest time it has ever been to be a human being. Rates of addiction and overdoses are soaring. Dr. Gabor Mate's book The Myth of Normal shows how our out of balance culture is creating mountains of unrest and disease.
Life is already a challenge and living in the modern world without substances to slow down the prefrontal cortex, it is even harder.
Go easy on yourself. Life is going to kick your ass at some time or another. Don't let that Bruno voice in the head make it any worse. Once that voice starts chirping about how you should have done XYZ differently, and how you're doomed for eternity, locate the true you and tell that Bruno voice to step aside, and you'll take it from here.
Be sure to start your day with words of compassion. Compassion for you, those nearest to you, the animals outside your window, and for those who are still struggling with alcohol.
[8:11]: Kris introduces Jonathan:
Jonathan is 44 years old and lives in Grand Forks, ND. He has worked in the restaurant industry most of his life and is also the managing director for the office of Recovery Reinvented. For fun Jonathan likes to spend time outside and cook. He is married and they have three daughters.
Jonathan says he had a good childhood with a lot of parental support. He feels like his exposure to alcohol as a teenager was normal. He says drinking never got in the way of his grades or playing sports. While in college Jonathan started working in bars and restaurants where drinking is part of the culture. His drinking increased and he ended up dropping out of school.
Jonathan realized early on that his drinking looked different from his peers. He witnessed others being able to stop with a few drinks after work whereas he would just go to the next bar or go home and keep the party going. He didn't think he was drinking to mask anything, so he didn't have a problem, he just really enjoyed drinking.
While Jonathan was doing well in his career, his drinking increased. He opened his first restaurant when he was 27 and was very successful. People were starting to tell Jonathan that he should cut back but he struggled to do so.
Jonathan had a meeting with his business partner and his father where he was told that things needed to change, or the partnership was going to end. This is what it took for Jonathan to seek treatment. He went to inpatient treatment for 30 days. While there he went from feeling like this was a temporary change to realizing that he needed it to be long term. He started seeing the similarities with others instead of the differences.
Jonathan completed 30 days and continued with outpatient treatment. He made the decision to be transparent with his recovery. He feels that helped him stay accountable and sober.
Jonathan's favorite resource in recovery: I Am Sober app (he likes seeing how much money he has saved).
Jonathan's parting piece of guidance: "Everything that is good in my life today is in my life because alcohol is not."
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator We took the elevator down, we have to take the stairs back up You can do this. I love you guys.
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| RE 445: Keep on Dancing | 28 Aug 2023 | 00:47:19 | |
Today we have Cindy. She is 54 from Kure Beach, NC and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[03:23] Highlights from Paul:
After recently watching a social media video featuring a sober influencer dancing, Paul decided to challenge this individual to a breakdancing battle. Meanwhile another sober influencer viewing this video stated that watching this video made him want to drink.
Let's zoom out for a second.
The Tik Tok user, with millions of followers, said that watching videos of this person dancing - made them want to drink. To summarize that in two words it would be: Stop Dancing. Then we have Paul who challenges this person to a sober break dance battle. We can summarize this statement in two words: Keep dancing.
So, listeners, keep on dancing, and never stop. If you don't know your metaphorical or literal dance steps, stick around. The knowledge will return. If someone tells you that your dancing makes them want to drink, then that is 100% their problem. When you dance, it gives others permission to dance. You don't need alcohol, it won't make you better, and you'll remember all of it.
[08:52] Paul introduces Cindy:
Cindy is 54, grew up in Maryland but currently lives in North Carolina. She has been married for 23 years and they have two children and a dog. She works as an operating room nurse and recently got a master's degree.
Cindy recalls first having alcohol late in high school. She was very social throughout college and enjoyed drinking a lot. She traveled a lot after college and knows that she drank but didn't have any major consequences. Cindy says she and her husband drank but she doesn't recall it affecting her life much. Happy Hour after work was very common for her due to the stressful job she has. Even after an incident where she was able to get out of a DUI, she still didn't recognize that she had a problem. The drinking increased but Cindy always thought it was her husband that had the problem, not her. There were no attempts to moderate and no consequences, so the drinking continued.
Cindy started wondering why she wasn't happy because she had a good life. Since she felt it was her husband that had the issue, Cindy started attending Al-Anon. When she returned from a travel nursing job, she realized how terrible she was feeling. She had been drinking every night, driving drunk often, and started having some consequences. Soon she found herself in an AA meeting where she had what she considers an awakening of sorts. She felt like she had found people that understood her.
Earlier this year, a podcast episode Cindy was listening spoke of living an authentic life. This really resonated with her, and she realized alcohol had to go. She started attending AA regularly after her last drink and is learning to deal with her feelings and learning from them. Cindy utilizes many tools to process how she feels and knows that alcohol is not the answer.
Cindy's favorite resources in recovery: recovery podcasts, being active in AA
Cindy's parting piece of guidance: If you are contemplating stopping drinking, think about why you are drinking.
Instagram - We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator I love you guys. Go big, keep dancing, because eventually we'll all go home.
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| RE 444: Alcohol Consumption by State | 21 Aug 2023 | 01:05:55 | |
Today we have Chad. He is 51 from Southern Indiana and took his last drink on March 25th, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Follow Recovery Elevator on Instagram! We're starting to put more video content on the platform so check it out.
[02:47] Highlights from Paul:
Something heard often while interviewing guests is "you don't know what it's like to grow up in Wisconsin, Texas, in Las Vegas, in Trenton, New Jersey, or you don't know how much we drink in…" fill in the blank. So yes, it is ubiquitous, but there is a front runner.
Check out the full list and see where your state ranks: Alcohol Consumption by State
In 2012 British researcher Dr. David Nutt was tasked by the government to put harm scores on 20 of the world's most harmful drug. Alcohol came in at #1 beating out crack, heroin, meth and cocaine.
Paul shares some stats about the costs of alcohol use disorder in Montana. You can see stats for all of the US here: Alcohol Abuse Statistics
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:48] Kris introduces Chad:
Chad has been sober for a little over 15 months at the time of this recording. He is 51 and lives in a small town in Indiana. Chad is married, and they have three children. He works for the government. He enjoys talking recovery, umpiring softball, and cycling.
Chad's parents divorced when he was young. He never felt like he fit in at either of his parents' homes and was a people pleaser doing whatever he could to fit in. Chad moved in with his dad when he was 13. After an ankle injury he was sidelined from sports, and he ended up finding a new group of friends that dabbled in drugs and alcohol. He says he struggled through high school and was looking at the military instead of going to college. He was looking forward to having some structure that he didn't feel he had growing up between two households.
After graduating, Chad spent the summer partying and started basic training in August. He was sent to Germany after more training, and they drank a lot there. He started to notice that he needed to drink just to feel normal. He ended up leaving after one deployment and realized the military wasn't for him.
Chad left the military and went into construction work. He and his wife hadn't married yet, but she was pregnant, which was frowned upon by her family. Four years after having their daughter they got married and while they got a house together and continued to grow the family, Chad drank to deal with his stressors. It got to the point where Chad couldn't do anything without a drink in his hand. He says drinking took a front seat to everything else. On days when he could not drink, he was starting to have symptoms of withdrawal. He began to hide alcohol and his tolerance grew.
After a bad blackout and confrontation with his wife, he felt terrible and realized that he needed help. His wife encouraged him to seek inpatient treatment which is what Chad was hoping for. With his wife's support he found a rehab that helped him a lot. He was able to talk to therapists and realize that he wasn't alone. After 30 days in rehab, Chad started AA, started reading more books about recovery and has found Zoom meetings and listening to the RE podcast very helpful.
Chad's plan for recovery moving forward: Dig deeper into his recovery and be of service.
Chad's parting piece of guidance: A life worth living can be found in sobriety. You're worth it, give yourself a chance. "No" is a full answer.
We're the only ones that can do this RE, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 443: A Different Type of Alcoholic | 14 Aug 2023 | 00:57:13 | |
Today we have Kelly, she is 46 from Minneapolis, MN and took her last drink on June 18th, 2023.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:57] Highlights from Paul:
When saying the word "alcoholic", these images, and thoughts commonly come to mind:
Living under a Bridge. Brown paper bag. Homeless. Hopeless. Unemployed.
Some of this is accurate but studies show only 5% of alcoholics fit these descriptions. The other 95% are high functioning, tend to be high earners, more educated, are healthier and have more stable relationships than average.
With the estimated 452 million alcoholics that don't fit the stereotypical description of an alcoholic, this takes the saying you are not alone to a new level.
We justify or benchmark our drinking according to what an alcoholic looks like. I'm not that bad, I have a job, and money in the bank. We surround ourselves with other drinkers who don't fit the alcoholic stereotype to solidify our own positions on the addiction scale. Now a classic trait of an addiction is that we are blind to where we actually are with the addiction process. The hole you find yourself in is probably deeper than you think. My recommendation is to stop digging. You CAN put the shovel down. Another classic trait of an addiction is the progression. We have 452 million alcoholics on the globe who are not living under a bridge or drinking out of brown paper bag yet.
[09:30] Paul introduces Kelly:
Kelly took her last drink on June 18th, 2023, and has 6 days at the time of this recording. She is 46 and lives in Minneapolis. She leads software development teams for a living. Kelly loves the outdoors and enjoys running, hiking, and paddleboarding. She enjoys movies, music, and museums as well.
Kelly first tried alcohol at a party in 9th grade. Drinking was not something that she wanted to do but she succumbed to peer pressure. A year later she started spending time visiting her brother at college, and she enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends and started drinking more frequently. It was a good escape from the abuse she was dealing with at home.
In college Kelly was drinking and dealing with an eating disorder. She worked hard to overcome her bulimia but then her drinking ramped up after that. After college she married a fellow engineer, and they would drink heavily together. After they started having children and settling down, her husband was able to quit the excessive drinking, but Kelly was not.
While raising her children, Kelly was able to cut back on drinking and started putting rules around it. Her relationship wasn't going well, and Kelly was going out more frequently and drinking almost daily. After a few drinking and driving charges, Kelly began to realize that she could no longer control it. Over time she recognized that she was starting to isolate more and then would go out to bars to find connection with other people.
Kelly has been able to have more gaps in drinking days over time and has been acquiring tools throughout the process. She is recognizing that she needs to treat her sobriety like a baby and nurture it daily. Each morning she meditates and uses the Reframe app. She attends AA meetings frequently and has recently found a therapist to help her with her childhood trauma.
Kelly's plan for recovery moving forward: keep doing things that make her feel uncomfortable, attending more meetings, and new meditation practices.
Kelly's parting piece of guidance: keep trying, be open to new resources.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we'll all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 442: Time to Breathe | 07 Aug 2023 | 00:56:35 | |
Today we have Jeff, he is 35 from Salt Lake City, UT and had his last drink on April 6th, 2023.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE [03:46] Highlights from Kris:
Kris finds sober anniversaries a good opportunity to reflect on where he was and where he is today. He asks himself questions such as "What have I gone through? How have I been able to meet the challenges placed in front of me? Am I moving in the direction I want to in my life?"
In active addiction Kris was not able to show love to himself. He knew that the things he was doing were hurting other people and himself. He knew his wife, kids, parents, and friends all loved him, but he couldn't let the love in. He was stuck in the loop of "I'm not enough, I've screwed up too much, I deserve to feel this way."
If you're listening, and you're there today, know that you are not alone. Many of us have been there and know how hard it is.
We don't have to be perfect RE… that's never going to happen. All we have to be is willing. We have to be willing to be honest with where we are today. Without judgement, where are things in our life right now? What is the next right thing to step into our new future? Where can we find support? Don't worry about trying to resolve every issue in your life all at once. Just take little bites.
[09:40] Kris introduces Jeff:
At the time of recording, Jeff is celebrating 90 days of sobriety and plans to celebrate with cacao. He is 35 and lives in Salt Lake City with his wife and two dogs. For fun Jeff enjoys mountain biking, skiing, running, and music is a big part of his life.
Growing up, alcohol was always present at celebrations hosted by his parents and their friends. It was normal for him to see people drink to excess. Jeff's first drink was when he was 16 with some friends and stolen rum. Early on he recognized that his drinking was different than other people's. On the outside, he was successful at school but was suffering from depression that alcohol helped him escape from.
After high school Jeff went to the east coast to play hockey for two years. This required a lot of discipline, so Jeff's drinking was limited to one day each week. He never moderated and usually ended up blacking out.
When Jeff turned 20, he started college where he played hockey and studied engineering. During his freshman year he got a bad concussion and struggled a lot with the side effects afterwards. He initially used drinking to self-medicate the side effects but drinking started to become the answer to everything.
After college Jeff moved back to Alaska for a job. He had his own place with two roommates who he frequently drank with late into the night. He was able to keep up with work and other activities so in spite of some health consequences, he didn't feel he had a problem.
Jeff started questioning his drinking after he caught himself drinking and driving frequently. He found Allen Carr's book and was able to stop drinking for 11 days. Since then, he has been in the cycle of quitting and then starting back with different lengths of time between drinks.
Therapy has been helpful for Jeff over the last three years and his wife has been very supportive. Connection has become very important to him.
Jeff's plan in recovery moving forward: moving forward with integrity and owning who he is.
Jeff's parting piece(s) of guidance: it's ok if you think this is hard because it is hard. Even just listening to this podcast is a huge win. Recovery is not a straight line.
Recovery Elevator You're the only one that can do this, but you don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 547: A Better Question to Ask | 11 Aug 2025 | 01:01:19 | |
Today we have Brian. He is 40 years old from Spring Hill, MA and he took his last drink of alcohol on July 16th, 2024.
This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – 20% off your order with code RE20
Shout out to these alcohol-free brands for sponsoring our seventh Bozeman Retreat:
Sober Link - save 50% on a device Better Rhodes – use code RECOV_EL_15 at checkout for 15% off
[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares with us Bill W., the founder of AA once shared letters back and forth with Swiss psychologist Carl Yung looking for feedback on the program he was creating. Perhaps the most important letter from Yung to Bill W. was a letter suggesting a spiritual solution was needed to overcome addiction. He was a firm believer that addiction has nothing to do with weakness but is a misdirected cry for wholeness.
Another viewpoint that Carl Yung gave us is to not ask why you want to quit drinking but what pain you are trying to silence? Or what role is alcohol playing?
When we start asking the right questions and stop fighting the addiction, the healing process begins. If you keep doing your own inner work, the massive ship called your addiction will change course. It takes time to redirect the energy called an addiction, but when we start asking the right questions, it's going to happen. It's just a matter of time.
[07:36] Paul introduces Brian:
Brian is 40 years old and lives in Springfield, MA. He has been married 13 years, and they have two children. For fun he enjoys weight training, cooking, and spending time with his kids.
Brian is the oldest of four kids and his parents divorced when he was young. He shares that he internalized a lot of stuff growing up and carried a lot of emotion. Brian wasn't the kid to act out, but he recalls the first time he drank was when his mother was out of town and he ended up getting very sick. He says it taught him a lesson, and he didn't party much in high school.
In college, Brian says, alcohol acted like that warm hug that people talk about. It gave him a lot of confidence socially and he became friends with people older than him. Once they started graduating, he lost a lot of the friends he drank with, so he found himself drinking alone occasionally which he didn't think there was anything wrong with.
After graduation, the job market was tough which had Brian stressed out and he began using alcohol as a coping mechanism. He was drinking daily and ended up getting pancreatitis after a while, which was a bit of a wake up call for him. The drinking didn't end but Brian began to try and moderate.
Over the years Brian was able to quit for periods of time but would return to drinking to cope with traumatic events. He was working on sobriety, watching YouTube videos, trying naltrexone and listening to podcasts. He was making progress, but COVID came and knocked him down again.
Brian did not want to fall onto the same path that his father had with his alcoholism. Brian had a rock bottom moment when his behavior on a vacation had him showing a negative side of himself to his in-laws.
On the weekend of his wife's birthday, Brian had a few days sober, and his internal voice was trying to convince him to drink. He turned on the RE podcast while he was mowing the lawn and soon after had made the decision that he was going to quit drinking forever. He then burned the ships and told his wife about his decision.
Since quitting drinking Brian's health has improved, he has lost 35 pounds and has found a community in Café RE. He is planning on finding more connection locally to him through AA soon.
Brian's parting piece of guidance: listen to your heart rather than your brain. Follow your instincts.
Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.
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| RE 441: Connection With a Molecule | 31 Jul 2023 | 00:44:07 | |
Today we have Shane, he is 39 from Birmingham, AL and took his last drink on December 25th, 2021.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE [00:58] Highlights from Paul:
Many of us share the same response to our first drink. It's a firework show internally that connects the missing dots. We finally feel connected. Alcohol becomes our best friend.
Now do not beat yourself up if you find yourself in a tightly intertwined relationship with alcohol. Humans are pack animals and need connection to survive. We need partnership. As addiction guru Dr. Gabor Mate would say, congratulations, you found alcohol, you found a way to survive. Yes, there is the disease model, but there's also the unease model. A deep unrest or lack of connection with others and ourselves.
How do we fix this? Like we learned in last week's episode, it's robust social connections that fix this. Some of us have difficulty making deep connections with other human beings but connection with nonhuman souls can help us quit drinking too. Animals help us release oxytocin and serotonin; they help our nervous systems relax. Studies show plants and trees can do the same thing.
To summarize, we connected with a molecule. Which ended up being the most dangerous and addictive molecule thus far recorded, and there is plenty of data to back that up. So, what's next? Start building connections with other people, places, and things, like your life depends on it. Because it does.
[08:12] Paul introduces Shane:
Shane is 39 years old, currently lives outside of Birmingham, AL. He is married with two children. He works in the heavy truck parts industry. He has been playing guitar since he was 15.
Shane had no interest in drinking prior to trying it on a beach trip with friends when he was 20. Shane was surround by alcohol while working as a musician and in the service industry. He found that alcohol made it easier for him to talk to and socialize with people. He first recognized that he might have a problem when he realized he was starting to rely on alcohol to alleviate any stress he was having. He met his wife while they were working on a music album together.
Shane started having increasing anxiety and his drinking issues were becoming more apparent to those around him. He was given an ultimatum by his wife to quit drinking. He was able to quit drinking for about five years.
Shane's father passed away and he ended up taking over the business abruptly. At this point he had already relapsed and would have a series of stops and starts utilizing different programs, but nothing ever stuck. Shortly after his daughter was born Shane made his most recent attempt at recovery after some conversations with his wife. He started attending AA three times a week and this was the first time that he admitted to himself that he could not control this. Shane says he felt huge relief when he realized that.
Shane says that within the first six months of sobriety his sleep improved, he was able to do more by not planning his life around alcohol. Exercise has been very helpful to Shane as well. He is open with friends and family around his recovery and has no issues being around alcohol. Shane feels the next step for him is leaning into the service aspect of recovery.
Shane's favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast, AA, SMART Recovery
Shane's parting piece of guidance: "just stop drinking"
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys.
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| RE 440: How to Undo Trauma | 24 Jul 2023 | 01:02:01 | |
Today we have Kathy. She is 31 from Dillworth, MN and has been clean since June 13th, 2016. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:06] Highlights from Paul:
Before we get started, how is your summer going? How is sobriety going? How is your AF clock going? How is your life going? Regardless of your answer to all those questions, Paul reminds us that we are not alone. Recovery Elevator is right here with you every step of the way.
A recent study of baboons revealed that establishing robust social connections in adulthood, is so beneficial to the animals that it can mitigate the consequences of traumatic experiences during their early years. There's that word again. Connection. In addition, researchers have found that once these connections are made, the baboons report living longer lives.
We have learned, are learning - that building connections helps us depart from alcohol. When we first enter an actual relationship with the molecule alcohol. It's a wonderful courtship, but we soon realize that alcohol gave us wings, and then took away the sky. We must replace the connection we had with alcohol with something else.
[09:39] Kris introduces Kathy:
Kathy just celebrated 7 years of recovery. She lives in Dillworth, MN, she works in care coordination with the F5 Project and has five children ranging from 5 to 18. For fun she hangs out with recovery friends while doing a variety of activities.
Kathy's parents were both addicts and she was in the foster care system early in life. She would spend her childhood moving in and out of foster homes. When she was 12 she ended up living with her brothers and stepfather because her mother went to jail. Kathy wanted to be like her older brothers and started drinking to have a good time.
It didn't take long for her drinking and drug abuse to get out of control. Kathy ended up getting pregnant at age 16 by a man she didn't know well. She says she no longer had parental support. She quit all substances through her pregnancy and had a goal to be a different mom than her own. She was unable to stay quit and felt a lot of guilt and shame surrounding it.
Kathy was not able to stay clean during her second pregnancy and after having the baby she spent a lot of time stealing to support her habit and her children. She ended up trying rehab at one point but was unable to stay sober for very long.
Kathy feels she didn't have great parenting skills and ended up losing custody of her children due to the drug abuse. Some felonies found her in jail and she tried to use this as an opportunity to get clean. After losing a close friend, Kathy asked her stepfather to bail her out. After about two months of using again she decided to get clean because that is what her friend would have wanted for her.
She was able to get into inpatient treatment and felt this time that she was truly ready. As soon as she arrived, she went to a drum ceremony where she felt her spirit being awoken. She started learning about how her trauma affected her which helped her shed her shame. After treatment Kathy lived in a halfway house for a few months and upon getting out had her third child.
Kathy started going to school for social work and was able foster her nieces who she has now adopted. She loves her current job as care coordinator and giving back to others.
Kathy's plan in sobriety moving forward: to keep on giving back, anywhere and everywhere.
Kathy's parting piece of guidance: You have control over your actions, and you can train your brain to be and do better.
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys. | |||
| RE 439: Developing a Spiritual Practice | 17 Jul 2023 | 00:49:59 | |
Today we have Liz, she's 38 from LaVale, MD and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:22] Highlights from Paul:
This is not a religious podcast. Paul feels that religion and spirituality are not two sides of the same coin.
When we drink alcohol, spiritually, our electrical current to the universe is severed. In fact, in many cultures, the name alcohol literally means, soul sucking spirit. Then mentally, the chemical alcohol turns our brains into tepid soup. After that, we have the physical component - pancreatitis and liver failure come to mind.
What is spirituality? What is a spiritual practice? We are connecting with the self. We are connecting within. You become more ocean and less wave. In short, spirituality is connection with the self, which then leads to a connection with nature, the universe, a higher power, and some may call it God. Why do we drink? Why did we drink? To get this sense of connection.
Paul shares many examples of spiritual practices and reminds us that we don't have to wait for the normal order of healing in order to implement some these. We can start right now.
[11:03] Paul introduces Liz:
Liz is from a small-town Maryland. She is married with two kids; she is a registered nurse and attending school as she is working toward her master's degree. She enjoys spending time outdoors: kayaking, hiking, camping, being a soccer mom.
Liz grew up in a tightknit family and was the youngest of three sisters. She first tried alcohol with a cousin when she was in 6th grade. She didn't really enjoy it and thought it tasted terrible. She wasn't a big drinker in high school, just the occasional party.
She drank like everyone else during college and worked in the service industry. It was normal for her to be the last person drinking at parties, but she worked and went to school with little issue.
Liz's drinking escalated when she began nursing school. She was already married with two kids and struggled balancing it all. She used alcohol as a stress reliever. Her first job after graduating was in the ICU working night shifts. She would drink after her shifts and tried to hide the amount of drinking from her husband. She still didn't feel she had a problem. Liz says her moderation attempts found her feeling more stressed and caused mood swings.
Liz went to inpatient rehab and was able to stay sober for six months. She started attending AA and using the tools she learned in rehab. Her relapse happened on a soccer trip after another parent called her out for not drinking which triggered her. She now feels that her lack of planning or having a network contributed to the relapse as well. She lost control of her drinking. Over the next few years, she spent a lot of time in treatment and trying to figure out what was causing the issues and what needed to change.
Liz got a sponsor with AA and started the steps right away after her last drink. She sometimes gets cravings but plays the tape forward. She knows that if she drinks, she will not be able to be there for any of her family if they need her. Liz made a post on Facebook about her recovery and received a lot of love and many messages from people regarding their own struggles. Liz says that she feels so much freedom now that she is alcohol free and has found her higher power.
Liz's favorite resources in recovery: AA, recovery podcasts
Liz's parting piece of guidance: don't ever give up, no matter what happens you can wake up the next day and keep going.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 438: Expectations | 10 Jul 2023 | 01:12:17 | |
Today we've got a panel of sober rockstars who have been kicking ass and taking names in this field for a while now. You're going to love it.
[02:33] Highlights from Paul:
We are full of expectations. Both for ourselves and other people. Top of that list is we expect happiness in a world where nothing is guaranteed. We have been conditioned throughout our life that any discomfort represents failure, and a certain product, drink or pill will end the suffering.
How do we let expectations go? It's impossible. All you can do is become aware you are expecting something different for yourself or other people.
Another reason why expectations are dangerous is it throws gratitude right out of the window. We also expect the earth to keep providing the natural resources needed for our survival, which are never guaranteed. We definitely need to approach sunshine, fresh drinking water, clean air, and shelter from a stance of gratitude opposed to expecting them to be delivered to us because we deserve them. More on that next week.
"The days in which my gratitude exceeds my expectations are really good days" – Ray Wylie Hubbard.
[10:54] The interviewees introduce themselves:
Laura Cathcart Robbins, the host of "The Only One in the Room" podcast and author of the book Stash: My Life in Hiding.
Eric Zimmer, the hose of "The One You Feed" podcast and creator of a program called Spiritual Habits.
Paul Churchill, the host of "Recovery Elevator" podcast (who we all know and love).
Gill hosts the Sober Powered podcast and is also a chemistry professor in the Boston area.
Gill wants to talk about early sobriety and what the experience was like for each guest.
[14:33] Laura has almost 15 years in sobriety. She shares that her first month of sobriety was spent in rehab. She hated it and felt resentful of those that enjoyed it. She attended a lot of recovery meetings and felt sentenced and never felt like she fit in initially. Laura remembers the early days often and knows she doesn't want to return there.
[17:18] Eric first got sober from heroin when he was 24. He stayed sober for about eight years but returned to alcohol for a few years. He has since gotten sober again and has been sober for 16 years. What Eric remembers about early recovery is that just quitting substances wasn't enough. He was plagued by the war that went on between using and not using and he feels that after some time in recovery, the turmoil subsides.
[20:08] Paul had a moment of clarity during a wedding he was DJ'ing where he was extremely drunk and had to ask a colleague to finish. He quit drinking a few days later and planned on going to rehab. He decided to wait and try recovery with AA and spending more time in nature.
[22:48] Gill is three and half years sober. She quit because it was affecting her mental health. She was scared to share her issues with anyone initially, so she did the first few months in recovery by herself.
The guests continue to share their experiences around their early sobriety, their readiness to quit drinking and reflect on what helped them in recovery then and what continues to help them now.
Connect with Laura – The Only One in the Room Podcast
Connect with Eric – The One You Feed
Connect with Gill – Sober Powered
Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up, you can do this. I love you guys.
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| RE 437: Inner Conflict | 03 Jul 2023 | 00:54:31 | |
Today we have Mark who is 45 from Connecticut and took his last drank on January 15, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!
[01:55] Highlights from Paul:
It is impossible to avoid conflict in a human life. All attempts to avoid it, will only result in more conflict. It built into the human experience. After all, we are reconciling the Yin to our Yang on a daily basis. Somedays the dark side says take a seat, and the next day, we welcome the light.
Addictions take hold when is there is intense inner conflict. When parts of our personalities are out of balance. Or when parts of us are screaming for attention because we are in pain. In addition, this inner imbalance is a representation that the whole of society is out of balance causing many of us to question "what the hell is going on?". Your individual unrest is not separate from the whole.
And how do we solve the "what the hell is going on" question? We do the inner work. We face this inner conflict. We learn from it. We recognize what the addiction is trying to force us to do.
[10:39] Kris introduces Mark:
Mark is 45, lives in Connecticut has five months alcohol free at the time of this recording. He is married and has two dogs and a cat. He works in marketing and customer experience. For fun Mark loves to hike, ski and garden.
Alcohol has been part of Mark's life for as long as he can remember. At a very young age his dad gave him a sip of his beer and Mark liked it. Mark didn't drink much until his senior year of high school when he came out as gay. He and his brother would go to the local bar on the weekends in an effort to connect with others like them.
Mark's drinking progressed throughout college, but he had the "work hard, play hard" mentality and tried to limit his drinking to the weekends while being productive during the week. This continued through the beginning of his career. At many of his work events, it was seen as abnormal to drink more than two drinks. Mark found himself always wanting to leave these events in order to go find more alcohol. Later at another job the culture was different where everyone drank like Mark wanted to. Alcohol was always present in his day-to-day life, so he didn't need to hide it.
The consequences of Mark's drinking started to impact his life. He was drinking daily and even more on the weekends and vacations. He became fearful as he had more experiences of blacking out. Mark feels that the fear came from not being comfortable with himself. After being able to stack some sober days, he realized the fear came from self-loathing. As he started evaluating how he ended up drinking so much he realized he had become a people pleaser but drinking made it harder and harder to live up to expectations. He started feeling shame around his drinking.
Mark started his journey by trying Dry January, listening to podcasts and reading books. Mark found himself in a cycle of gaining some sobriety time and then getting derailed. He reached the point where he didn't enjoy drinking anymore. Mark sought out a therapist who helped him recognize that he was doing it alone and pushed Mark to attend AA and find community. He struggled to connect with AA and decided to try Café RE. Once Mark realized that this couldn't be done alone, he was able to push his fear aside and explore recovery with a community.
Mark's plan in sobriety moving forward: to continue making connections, making sobriety a priority every day.
Mark's parting piece of guidance: don't give up and be willing to try everything. It will be scary but it's worth it.
We took the elevator down, but we've got to take the stairs back up I love you guys.
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| RE 436: Our Road Ahead | 26 Jun 2023 | 00:55:30 | |
Today we have Lacey. She's 34 from Illinois and has been sober since May 15, 2020. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:16] Highlights from Kris:
We feel it is important to use these first few episodes of Season Five to set a foundation for the upcoming year. Kris shares the RE mission statement and talks about what each of the six key themes means to him.
To recap, our mission statement: we offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people.
Over and over and over again, you're going to hear us, and our guests, talk about the importance of connection. It's not because it's the only thing we know how to talk about; but simply because it's THAT IMPORTANT.
Recovery Elevator's Six Themes:
1) We are inclusive 2) There is no right or wrong way to do this 3) Connection 4) Don't just quit drinking 5) We need to remain open 6) We must pass along what we learn to others
[09:30] Kris introduces Lacey:
Lacey is 34 and lives in Illinois. She is an instructional designer. She is married and has two cats. Lacey loves walking, camping, cooking, and doing crafts. She is part of a community theater and enjoys volunteering at the local animal shelter.
Lacey was young when her parents quit drinking, so alcohol was never around. She feels the mystery made it more interesting to her. She first drank with theater friends in her sophomore year of high school. This was the first time that she felt included in something.
After a falling out with some friends in senior year, Lacey found another friend group that not only drank but did other drugs. She felt like she needed to join in in spite of feeling apprehensive. Cocaine and alcohol went hand in hand for Lacey. She had to have alcohol to deal with the downside of the drugs.
In her 20's, Lacey started identifying as a partier. She loved being able to drink and stay up all night and she wore it like a badge of honor. Lacey started doing more drugs because they helped her keep drinking.
After some time, Lacey started trying to moderate and find the right balance of the drugs and alcohol, but always ended up failing. She feels she had the dueling personalities during this time. Her mornings were full of anxiety from all of the behavior from the day before.
When Lacey started having health issues that the doctors couldn't determine the cause of, she came to the realization that her substance abuse may be a contributing factor. In denial, Lacey continued partying even harder until she hit her breaking point and realized that she needed to stop for good.
It was not "one and done" for Lacey. She drank on vacation and then when she came home, she decided to join Café RE if she could make it 30 days. She struggled to embrace sobriety. She started feeling better after six months but thought she could handle drinking again. She then used Covid as an excuse to keep drinking and ended up back where she started. The day after she quit, she got an accountability partner who has become her best friend.
In recovery, Lacey is finding more time to do things that she used to love. Her friend group has changed, and she is ok with that.
Lacey's favorite resources in recovery: her accountability person, Marco Polo and connection.
The best advice Lacey has received: if you are researching whether or not you have a drinking problem, you do but it's not a death sentence. It's ok, embrace it, it will be so worth it.
You're the only that can do this RE, but you don't have to do it alone. I love you guys.
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| RE 435: What We Believe In | 19 Jun 2023 | 00:48:47 | |
Today we have Alex, he is 35, from Lincoln, NE and took his last drink on January 20, 2023 Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[03:35] Highlights from Paul:
Welcome to Season 5! Episode 1 of this podcast dropped on February 25th, 2015. Paul recalls the date and how he felt. He was worried he was going to crash and burn. But 10,000,000 downloads later, he still hasn't had a drink and the podcast is still going.
Paul discusses the plan for Season 5, what RE's concepts and values are, the podcast schedule and more.
Mission Statement of Recovery Elevator is as follows:
"We offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people!"
Six themes Paul and Kris will be focusing on this season:
1) Recovery Elevator is inclusive 2) There is no right or wrong way to do this 3) Connection 4) Don't just quit drinking 5) We cannot fight an addiction 6) We must pass along what we've learned to others
[10:49] Paul introduces Alex:
Alex is 35 and lives in Lincoln, NE. He is married with three kids. He stays busy with his family, enjoys landscaping at their new home and works in the financial industry.
Alex first tried alcohol in his senior year of high school. He initially did not drink with his friends, but eventually gave it a try. He started going to parties and enjoyed the assistance alcohol gave him socially. He didn't drink very regularly but when he did drink, he drank heavily. He did have a close call when getting pulled over once, but the officer called his parents instead of charging him with driving under the influence.
Alex joined a fraternity in college and says his drinking escalated at that point but was not out of control. He was still able to do well academically. After college he moved to Chicago, and he used drinking as a way to make friends. He was attending grad school and was drinking heavily but still highly functional.
He first started questioning his drinking when his brother was going through some issues with substance abuse. He says he was blacking out at least twice a week but wasn't sure if he had a problem. This is when Alex first tried moderation that he says worked for a while, but the rules became softer over time.
The first time Alex recognized that his drinking might be an issue was when his wife went into labor with their second child, and he had been drinking so he was unable to drive her to the hospital. Over time he realized that he was not fully present for his children, and he didn't time to pass and realize that he had drank their childhood away.
After Alex had around 50 days of sobriety and went back to drinking, he realized how much better he felt sober and realized that is what he wanted. That paired with wanting to be a better parent helped him focus on trying sobriety again.
Alex took his first step by going to an online AA meeting just to listen. It was there that he realized that seeking sobriety wasn't something to be afraid of. He drank that night but burned the ships with his family telling them that his life of sobriety would be starting the next day.
The first few days found Alex excited for sobriety. Within a short period of time, he found his sleep improving, started getting compliments at work, and was generally feeling better. Since quitting drinking Alex feels that his emotions have leveled out and life is no longer on "hard mode".
Alex's favorite resources in recovery: quit lit, Reddit, realizing that he is not alone.
Alex's parting piece of guidance: if you're not successful the first time, you are definitely going to learn on each attempt of sobriety so keep at it.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys.
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| RE 434: Don't Lose Yourself In It | 12 Jun 2023 | 01:03:13 | |
Today we have Gary, he is 44, from Toledo, OH and took his last drink on January 30, 2023 Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[01:42] Thoughts from Paul:
Today we are going to cover one of Paul's favorite tools and practice. But before we cover it, he asks us who is our go to person that we look to when life starts to veer into the ditch? Who has already provided guidance or a teaching on what to do in the situation you find yourself in?
For Paul, it is Eckhart Tolle. His books The Power of Now and A New Earth were recommended to him at just the right time.
The tool and concept Paul wants to cover is a line he discovered in A New Earth that says, "don't lose yourself in it". This refers to the thinking mind, or the ego.
Another book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer shares the concept that you are not the thoughts in your mind, but you are the one who experiences them.
The point is don't lose yourself in the incessant stream of thoughts coming from the thinking mind. Make a point each day to STOP what you are doing and take a deep breath. This practice doesn't have to take long, but there may not be enough consciousness at first to split from the thoughts in the head. The point is to create as many daily gaps in your thinking as possible.
[09:25] Kris introduces Gary:
Gary took his last drink on January 31st, 2023. He is 44 and lives in Toledo, OH. Professionally Gary is a medical assistant for primarily homebound patients. He enjoys reading, has recently started fishing and likes to try new things in sobriety.
Gary's first experience with alcohol was in his early teen years. He and his cousin crashed a wedding with an open bar where they served him beer. He thought it was disgusting but kept drinking and blacked out the first time. Gary didn't drink in high school. He graduated and met his future wife who was going to the army. He joined as well and was in Germany when he started drinking regularly. Drinking helped with his insecurities, and he was always searching for validation. After his wife cheated on him, life was tough for Gary. He started drinking heavily to deal with the pain surrounding the changes in his life. Gary didn't have a lot of consequences from his drinking. When he got out of the army and came home, he found another relationship and they had a daughter together. He was able to cut back on his drinking and started putting parameters around what and when he would drink. He found moderation exhausting.
Gary's dad started having health issues, developed a rare form of cancer and passed within a year of diagnosis. His drinking ramped back up as he dealt with the grief. Gary's drinking ended up contributing to the loss of a job. He tried his best to continue to be a good father but struggled with being emotionally present for his daughter.
After losing his job Gary found himself going into inpatient treatment, which is where his journey began. He had some stints of extended sobriety. He started going to AA meetings but had a hard time being social at first. He discovered podcasts which were helpful for him; he found listening to them was giving him strength. He was able to experience periods of sobriety but felt that his addiction was still sabotaging him at that time.
Gary had several instances of his drinking sending him into the hospital. He feels like this was his rock bottom. He realized he needed to be honest with himself and was able to stay sober for over two years. He started getting involved with the RE community which was very helpful for him. Changes in routine found Gary learning to love himself.
Gary's favorite tools - recovery books, podcasts, Café RE, therapy, and Antibuse.
Recovery Elevator You're the only ones that can do this, but you don't have to do it alone I love you guys | |||
| RE 433: The Comfort Crisis | 05 Jun 2023 | 00:43:42 | |
Today we have Daniel, he is 43 from Orange County, he took his last drink on December 31st, 2014. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [01:42] Thoughts from Paul:
The discomforts of quitting drinking will make you a stronger person down the road. And not far down the road.
Although humans are hardwired to seek comfort, it's not necessarily good for us. Many anthropologists have speculated that we were happier thousands of years ago. Our needs were simpler and easier to satisfy. We were naturally mindful, living in the moment. In addition, our ancestors usually found themselves in tight communities of around 150 people, where everyone shared the burden of survival. There was a deeper sense of belonging.
The rates of mental health, addiction, inflammations, cancers, are sky rocketing, and the author of the book says the reason for this is because we are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature controlled, over-fed, under challenged, safety netted lives.
Key takeaway? Get uncomfortable. It's good for you. And spending significant time in nature will make you happier.
[09:01] Paul introduces Daniel:
Daniel had his last drink on New Year's Eve of 2014. He lives in Southern California; he's married with three children. He owns a few businesses and works in education. For fun Daniel likes to play tennis, work in his yard and enjoys Wim Hof breathwork. Daniel enjoys getting out of his comfort zone and trying new things frequently.
At age 16 Daniel had his first drink and instantly felt the pull. He didn't start using it habitually until he was in college, and it helped with his social anxiety and gave him confidence. He says the red flags came early and often but he didn't have a classic rock bottom moment. He feels he was very high functioning – did well in school and had a job. His drinking didn't change after he left college. He began questioning his drinking about four years prior to quitting because he had learned he and his wife were about to have a child. For a long time, Daniel was unwilling to give up drinking and he would have times of attempting moderation and then abandoning that to hiding bottles of alcohol throughout his house before going back to moderation again. He thought having a child would help him make changes, but it did not.
Good things were happening with Daniels home life and career, but the drinking was still there. He was having issues with anxiety and depression that he attempted to treat but the alcohol negated his efforts.
Daniel's quit date wasn't planned as he was still in denial about how serious his drinking had become. The day after his last drink he had some hallucinations that scared him.
He finally met with a doctor and decided to lay it all out and asked for help. He initially thought it would be only for 30 days, but he ended up going for another month and so on.
Daniel still had a lot of shame surrounding his initial recovery and was isolated for about six months. He says that he found a lot of peace getting away from all the anxiety and started feeling more comfortable about his choice to get sober. He recently started using Tik-Tok and started a podcast which he has found very cathartic for his recovery.
Daniel's favorite resources in recovery: Calm app, Wim Hof app, Tik-Tok
Daniel's parting piece of guidance: Be less concerned about HOW people recover and more concerned THAT people recover.
[42:25] Closing thoughts:
In our Café RE chats we start with an Icebreaker Question. I asked the group "when you're stressed or triggered what helps you?" The most common answer was "get outside".
Recovery Elevator I love you guys. It all starts from the inside out. We can do this. | |||
| RE 432: Is Alcohol Good for You? | 29 May 2023 | 01:00:33 | |
Today we have Julie, she is 49, from Grand Junction, CO and took her last drink on February 6th, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:05] Thoughts from Paul:
For most of the 20th century and well into the 2000's, there was a pushed narrative that said a daily drink or two is good for you. Although there was a time that fermented drinks were safer than consuming the local water due to disease, it's safe to say we are well past those days from the dark ages. Despite that, the concept that alcohol is good for you is still in popular circulation, but a new narrative is coming out.
An article from Health Day released this year is titled Drinking Alcohol Brings No Health Benefits, Study Finds
Huberman Lab podcast: What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health
You're giving up alcohol, which turns out is NOT good for you anyways, for a life that contains the possibilities of nearly everything. Sobriety can be hard, and sometimes we need a sweeping statement to put it into perspective. You're giving up one thing for everything. You can do this. I know you can.
[10:34] Kris introduces Julie:
Julie lives in Grand Junction, CO. She is a nurse practitioner soon to be working at an addiction center. She has two grown daughters and her parents and brother live nearby. She is single and for fun she enjoys yoga, and she plays the ukulele and the flute.
Julie feels she was born into addiction. Her parents were both alcoholics and a lot of her family members have struggled with addiction as well. Her mother left when she was very young, and her family moved a lot due to her father's instability.
Julie first tried alcohol when she was 12 at a barbecue at her mom's house. She and some friends stole some alcohol and went into the basement and drank. Alcohol helped her feel like she was connected to a group, and she lived up to the party girl persona as a way to feel accepted.
In her mid-teens, Julie's parents decided to send her away to a Baptist school. This was Julie's first experience of feeling like she was part of a family, and she was able to stay out of trouble there.
Soon after Julie returned home, she started drinking again. She married her high school sweetheart, and they had her first daughter together. When the marriage ended, she thought she needed to be in a relationship to have the perfect life and got married again where she had her second daughter. She was going to college and attending church to uphold the image of the perfect life.
After her children moved out and she and her husband became empty nesters, Julie's drinking ramped up. She had a lot of freedom with her job which found her drinking more and more. She was worried what her husband thought so she was hiding her alcohol throughout the house. Julie began questioning her drinking and read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She was able to quit drinking for about 60 days. Even though she started drinking again, Julie feels that something changes.
Julie separated from her husband and found herself drinking and isolating. She quickly realized she needed help. She started going to AA and was able to stay sober for over three years, but gradually stopped doing the work. She started thinking she could be a normal drinker and that she didn't have a problem. It didn't take long for Julie to end up back to isolating and binge drinking. Her final binge at a hotel when a flight was cancelled found her realizing she had to stop again.
Julie found the RE podcast and shortly after went back to AA. Podcasts, online meetings, travelling, and yoga are some of Julie's favorite tools. Connection within a sober community is very important to her.
Recovery Elevator The only way out is through. I love you guys. | |||
| RE 546: The Good Life | 04 Aug 2025 | 00:56:16 | |
Today we have Lori. She is 58 years old from Vancouver, Canada. She took her last drink on February 21st, 2024.
This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – the social app for sober people
[03:11] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares that his second book, Dolce Vita, is currently in the editing process and should be out by November this year. This was also the name of the bar he owned Spain when he was in his 20's. The name is Italian for "the good life" which Paul once thought he could find at the bottom of a bottle. He began to notice that his Dolce Vita had an expiration date that would get shorter and shorter over time.
The thing Paul thought was delivering the dolce vita was slowly and methodically destroying any chance of having one. It wasn't until he finally ditched the booze that the good life actually showed up. He learned that the sweetness wasn't in escaping life, it was finally showing up for it.
The good life is right here in front of us all, right here in this moment, as long as we stay away from a drink today.
[09:19] Paul introduces Lori:
Lori is 58 years old and lives in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. She has been married for 37 years, and they have two grown children and one grandchild. Lori has been a realtor for 35 years and for fun she enjoys golf and physical fitness.
Lori shares that she had a great childhood, but her mother was an alcoholic, and it affected her negatively throughout the years. In high school, Lori aspired to be an actress and craved attention. Having an already outgoing personality, it just got bigger when she was drinking and garnered more attention.
Lori had a lot of resentments towards her mother over the years and admits she treated her poorly. They did not make amends before her mother passed, and Lori says that is when her drinking started ramping up. On the outside, everything was going well with her career and her kids, but the weekends revolved around drinking.
Some mornings Lori would wake up depressed, regretful of her actions the night before and be plagued with the "not again" feelings. Lori and her husband would discuss cutting back on drinking and she acknowledges that he only drank as much as he did because of her.
In 2022 Lori was able to quit drinking for 77 days with the help of This Naked Mind and participated in two 30-day alcohol experiments. Then something negative happened and Lori found herself reaching for a glass of wine. Before long she was drinking at any time of day, hiding alcohol in her sock drawer and sneaking shots of moonshine.
After a weekend trip with some friends where Lori could not get the happy buzz that she was looking for from the alcohol, she knew that something had to change. She joined the RE Ukelele course and decided to stick around. With the help and encouragement of some fellow members, she started to believe that maybe she could be alcohol-free.
Lori began going to a lot of chats with Café RE, first with the camera off just taking notes. She began to participate by asking questions and listening. The community has helped Lori find her mantra to hit the pillow sober every night. The first 30 days felt like the calendar was moving backwards, but she kept going.
Lori still stays social with her friends but has recently been feeling like she is at a crossroads. Some events that used to be fun no longer are and she is feeling a shift. The RE community means a lot to her and she is currently seeking more sober connections local to her.
Some of the bright lights in sobriety for Lori are the ability to be heard, being reliable, and she now feels better physically as well as mentally.
Lori's parting piece of guidance: please decide your "whys" If the cons outweigh the pros, you need to take alcohol out of your life.
Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.
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| RE 431: Transformation | 22 May 2023 | 00:48:40 | |
Today we have Katy, she is 40, from Olympia, WA and took her last drink on February 12th, 2023. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:26] Thoughts from Paul:
One of the best parts of doing the Recovery Elevator podcast is seeing the transformations people make. Many of the travelers on this year's Costa Rica trip also traveled last year. With every single repeat traveler, Paul could see the growth almost immediately. There are many different reasons for the transformations, but it is always visible in the smile.
Paul wants to make a correction from a previous episode where he said that Goat Yoga was a horrible idea. Incorporating animals in our healing can be a great thing. One reason for this is the nervous systems of animals are much more intact, and with entrainment theory in biology, our nervous systems can heal while being around animals. Also, goats are hilarious. They are all about having fun and if you come near enough to them, they will make you part of the fun.
In the interview with Katy, Paul references a previous episode covering Natlrexone. That is episode 164 if you wish to go back and listen.
[08:06] Paul introduces Katy:
Katy is 40 years old and took her last drink on February 12, 2023. She is from Olympia WA, married and they have two kids and a dog. Katy works in elementary education and for fun she likes to hike, read and listen to podcasts.
Katy first started drinking at a young age, but it wasn't until she was in her late teens that she started having consequences like hangovers and blackouts. She went on to a college that had a reputation for being a party school and she fell right into the scene.
Katy feels her twenties were stolen by an abusive relationship where the focus was on a party lifestyle. She had started drinking and driving, getting herself into debt, and struggled to hold down a job. The consequences of her drinking really started to escalate including a DUI that she got during a blackout.
In her thirties, she continued to work in bars and blackout frequently. When she tried quitting on her own, she had some physical withdrawals and she decided to go to rehab. After around four months she decided to leave and started drinking immediately believing that she would be able to control it. Before long she was back where she was with her drinking and had a mental health scare that found her seeking help once again.
Her family was very supportive, and Katy was able to make positive changes in her life including having children and getting her master's in education. She was able to stay sober through her pregnancies but would start drinking shortly after.
Katy was prescribed naltrexone which helped her stop drinking and start working on herself. On her doctor's advice she started attending sobriety groups in addition to the medication. She prefers SMART recovery over AA but believes connection is important.
Exercise is important to Katy's sobriety in addition to podcasts and reading. She looks for the good things in day-to-day life as well as in nature which help her feel gratitude. She uses some exercises to help with her anxiety that help her to surround herself in "now". She enjoys music where she can connect to the lyrics.
Bucket list for Katy is to love her life and feel emotions.
[47:27] In closing, Paul shares another installment of "You Can Be Right, Or You Can Have Peace".
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys. | |||
| RE 430: Walking Into Summer | 15 May 2023 | 00:54:52 | |
Today we have Joss, she's 34 from the Bay Area and took her last drink on December 21st, 2022.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:21] Thoughts from Kris:
Spring has finally arrived in North Dakota!
With the changing seasons, it's not uncommon to experience some different emotions surrounding our recovery. More outdoor social activities and parties can bring some unique challenges.
We sometimes worry what others might think about us and our choice not to drink. The phrasing "I care what people think of me" makes me feel a bit middle-schoolish, but humans long for connection and community. We are not really fearing the event so much as fearing that we don't belong. Creating accountability with people we trust can help us navigate these times, and sometimes just passing on the event may be what we need to do for the time being.
Stay tuned for more tips gathered from our members at Café RE after the interview!
[09:45] Kris introduces Joss:
Joss is 34 and lives in the Bay Area. She has two cats, is a hairstylist and enjoys running. She recently celebrated three months alcohol free.
Joss grew up in a very strict and sheltered Christian household. Her parents were very active in the church, and they spent a lot of time there and went to a private school. Joss first tried alcohol when she was 14 and her drinking increased a lot in high school. She battled with depression and never felt validated by her family, and they just pushed her toward God and church without giving her much opportunity to explore anything else. She jumped around schools a few times due to suspensions and expulsions.
She didn't consider her high school years as being rebellious but more as a time to explore things outside of the sheltered life she was raised in. She really enjoyed music and started a band in high school.
Joss moved to New York after her mother suddenly passed away and says that time was when things got out of control. She reflects that a lot of the things she did while drinking too much could have ended very badly. Joss was dating someone who also drank heavily, so it quickly was their lifestyle. Eventually she grew tired of life in New York, broke up with her partner and moved back to the Bay Area where she continued to drink.
Dealing with the death of her mother was hard on Joss. She got settled into a friend group after moving home and they all partied a lot. She was working in the restaurant industry and found herself drinking before and after her shifts and progressed even more during the pandemic. During that time, she was starting to listen to podcasts and become sober-curious. After a particularly bad morning-after from drinking too much, she realized that enough was enough.
The first month of quitting found Joss staying sober through multiple triggering events. Her advice to others is if you feel like there is an event or reason that you don't think you can quit drinking now – there will always be a reason to wait. Instead of waiting – just go for it!
Since quitting, Joss enjoyed going to AA and having that community. She has also found some groups online that she enjoys. She finds that stocking her fridge with alcohol-free drinks, sharing her intentions with her friends and leaning into comfort of all kinds is the key to her success. For Joss, all her relationships have improved, especially the relationship with herself.
Recovery Elevator You're the only one that can do this RE But you don't have to do it alone I love you guys.
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| RE 429: The Connection Between Alcohol and Anxiety | 08 May 2023 | 00:55:24 | |
Today we have Dale, he is 55, from Roanoke, VA and he has been alcohol free since March 23, 2019
[02:34] Paul's thoughts:
Paul knows now that there is a connection between his drinking and his anxiety but while actively drinking, he could not. We are told that alcohol relaxes us – which it does by shutting down important parts of our brain.
According to Dr. Sheila Shilati,"Alcohol ultimately replaces those important chemicals like dopamine and serotonin in the brain, which mitigate anxiety, therefore, in episodes where you are not drinking, then your brain is searching for those all-important 'feel-good' connections, which become diminished because the supply has been mitigated,"
We hear a lot about "self-medicating" in recovery. Which isn't a bad thing, but when we rely too much on this strategy, it stops working. This becomes an even bigger problem because we don't realize it so we just drink more and now our coping strategy is becoming the reason we can't cope.
Paul shares in episode 417, this is the best place you can be because the tipping point isn't far off in the distance.
[10:48] Paul introduces Dale:
Dale is 55, lives in southwest Virginia, has been married for 25 years with no children. He works for a shipping company and also owns and manages rental property. Dale enjoys music of all varieties, loves reading and learning and also enjoys gardening.
Dale's first experiences with alcohol came from his parents using it to medicate him as a child. He worked in the hospitality industry in his late teens and early twenties and drinking was a glorified part of the lifestyle. His tolerance grew and he became a daily drinker throughout that time.
The recent years found Dale questioning his drinking and realizing he wasn't living life within his values. He had sneakily drunk some of his wife's special whiskey which prompted an angry text to Dale. He used this message as motivation and although he was not able to quit right away Dale feels this was the start of his recovery.
Dale has found self-awareness to be a catalyst to helping him stop drinking. He has utilized Recovery Elevator and the Café RE community as a large part of his journey. It was a scary first step for him, but he found getting out of his comfort zone to be very helpful. He has made many friends that have helped him move forward and be strong in his sobriety. Focusing on the good has been an important tool for Dale, specifically in the early days. As he closed in on a year, he felt the veil had been lifted and he was seeing the world differently.
Year two for Dale was unpacking everything that led him to drink so much in the first place. He feels that was the mucky part of the journey and it is a process to unpack it.
Year three Dale feels that learning to let go of control was a big thing. Learning that life is going to happen, and he didn't have to cling so tightly to everything. He finds that the service work he does in the community has helped him deal with life as it happens while approaching the four-year milestone.
Dale feels that success comes by building the wall one brick at a time, stepping outside of the comfort zone and being willing to learn. He also feels that service work helps strengthen us and keep us connected to our foundation.
[53:36] Closing thoughts:
Paul's tips for dealing with anxiety without alcohol:
Perception – anxiety pangs are messengers. Your body is sending you signals that something is off balance. Tell your body this will pass and will soften with each passing day or month.
Get the body moving to cue the release of endorphins whose purpose is to mask physical and emotional pain.
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys | |||
| RE 428: Do I have a Drinking Problem? | 01 May 2023 | 00:58:06 | |
Today we have Lauren, she is 54 from Rochester NY, and took her last drink on November 19, 2022.
Shout out to Ty with 15 YEARS alcohol free! Thank you for all you do for RE!
Shout out to Bradley from south Denver with 3 days alcohol free! Great job! Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[03:23] Intro summary:
In the past Paul has talked about the worst place a person can be with a drinking problem is in limbo (episode 417). But how do we find out if we actually have a problem so we can get out of that space?
There is a test listed in the DSM-5 to determine if we have a drinking problem or not. There are 11 questions, and you must meet two of them within the past 12 months to have what is called Alcohol Use Disorder. It's not hard to determine if you have a drinking problem based on that test.
But at the end of the day, it can be as simple as if you question if you have a drinking problem, you just answered your own question.
[12:36] Kris introduces Lauren:
Lauren has been sober almost 4 months at the time of recording. She lives in Rochester New York, she is married, has two adult children, one granddaughter, has pets and owns her own business helping the elderly. She enjoys time outside, crafting (currently diamond painting), reading and learning new things.
Lauren was always fascinated with alcohol, but it wasn't prevalent in her immediate family. When she was 16, she was able to purchase alcohol for her and her friends. She had a lot of fun and thought it was cool. She chose the college based on their drinking culture; she drank heavily but still did well in school. After college she got married, had two kids and a successful job. She drank the same as other parents around her, so she felt that was normal. She was able to abstain when she had her children and feels her drinking was more or less recreational for a long time.
Over the years Lauren hadn't really tried to quit drinking. She would make a halfhearted attempt at Dry January, but it didn't last. She didn't think it had anything to do with being addicted. She feels that everyone else saw signs that her drinking was a problem, but she wasn't aware of it.
After going on a very long-awaited vacation in 2022, Lauren says she had a hard time coming back to regular life and the stressors were magnified. Soon after, she drunkenly alienated a friend on Facebook, and it really impacted her when the friendship ended. She started drinking to escape everything that was bothering her. Lauren had a scare during her third blackout in eight days and decided to go to the doctor where she told them everything. She was sent to an outpatient program to start the next day.
She has found a lot of tools and inspiration through the outpatient program. Lauren says AA didn't resonate with her, but she does do SMART recovery online which she enjoys. Connecting with others has been a great resource for Lauren as well. She views her drinking and recovery as just part of her, she doesn't feel it defines her. Lauren recognizes that she is happier and communicate better with her husband. Her family is relieved and proud of her for going into recovery.
[57:20] Outro:
Spring is here! And with seasonal changes come new challenges. Kris feels that it is a chance for him to make sure he has his accountability in place and has a plan when it comes to spring and more outdoor events. Don't stress about upcoming events, simply be aware of what is out there. Set yourself up to enjoy the weather and reach your alcohol-free goals.
Recovery Elevator We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys. | |||
| RE 427: But a Symptom | 24 Apr 2023 | 00:46:57 | |
Today we have Ian, he is 24, from Baltimore, MD and he has been alcohol free since December 26, 2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [02:15] Thoughts from Paul:
If alcohol isn't the primary problem, and it's a symptom of something else, what does that mean, and what course of action do we take? None of us are able to correct the unrest in our lives when alcohol is present. That's why moderate drinking for the problematic drinker doesn't work either.
For Paul, after he ditched the booze, he recognized that his nervous system needed healing and found that nature was a great help with addressing that. Everyone is different and their sources of unrest that need addressing will be different but first, the alcohol needs to go and then the healing can begin. We get one life, and your addiction is about to springboard you towards your authentic self – if you are willing. You may be asking yourself "am I willing?"…If you are listening to this podcast, the answer is yes.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:47] Paul introduces Ian:
Ian took his last drink on Christmas Day of 2022. He lives in Baltimore and is a recent college grad. In his free time, he fosters senior dogs and plays music. He finds taking care of animals at the end of their lives to be very rewarding and helpful in his recovery.
Ian wasn't exposed to alcohol until he was in college. He was in his junior year when he started drinking and smoking pot. He had roommates that were drinking like he was at parties and on the weekends, but Ian was starting to be sneaky and would purchase his own alcohol separate from the alcohol that was present in the house and didn't want anyone to know how much he was actually drinking. The blackouts started becoming more and more frequent.
When he was 20, he started planning his entire days around drinking and smoking. Work and school became minor activities and drinking was priority. Throughout all of this Ian was still successful so he didn't see his drinking as a problem.
Early 2020 Ian experienced withdrawal for the first time and it scared him. He initially didn't realize what it was and was scared he was going to die. For the first time, he acknowledged his drinking had become an issue.
After several trips to the ER, he ended up speaking with a peer counselor who helped him get involved with an Intensive Outpatient Program. Ian was able to get sober for two months but was ashamed of what he was doing and ended up leaving. He relapsed and had a bad Christmas with his family. He has learned that it is more embarrassing to have a drinking problem than it is to work on getting sober.
Ian says being transparent with people was the game changer for him. Letting everyone know that he is sober helps him stay accountable.
Being a young person in sobriety can feel a little lonely Ian says. Our culture normalizes drinking in our twenties and it's hard to connect with others in recovery because most people are older. In spite of the feelings of missing out or "why me" thinking, Ian knows that this is the right choice for him.
Ian is looking forward to achieving newfound career goals, being a better dog dad and someday having a family. He is excited to fully find his confidence and be the best version of himself he can possibly be.
Recovery Elevator We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up I love you guys And don't forget that we definitely can do this | |||
| RE 426: It Gets Easier | 17 Apr 2023 | 00:56:50 | |
Today we have Jeffrey, he is 35, from Monument, CO and he took his last drink on July 23, 2022.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:16] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares that he recently attended an AA meeting where a member celebrated 40 years of sobriety. One thing he took away from this is that it will naturally get easier the more time away from alcohol you have and the more life experience you get. It is also helpful to focus not on the destination, but the journey itself.
There is a YouTube channel that Paul watches where the host, Michael, showcases some of the most scenic railways in the world. Michael also shares similar views about the destination vs. the journey. Here is the link to one of his videos documenting the scenic Amtrak train route from Denver to Winter Park Ski Resort.
When we realize that hard days are a part of life, and that hard days are a part of an alcohol-free life, things get easier. With each conscious breath we take, things get easier. If you are struggling, on day one or day zero, Paul's message to you is that this journey will get easier if we embrace it and we don't do it alone.
[09:38] Kris introduces Jeffrey:
Jeffrey is 35 from Monument, CO, he does apartment maintenance for a living, he is single and has one dog and two cats. For fun, he plays Magic the Gathering and is trying to get back into reading, specifically mental health and self-help type material.
Jeffrey was a loner growing up, but his sister's social network became his as well. In high school, they would invite him to parties where there was lots of heavy drinking. It was a weekly event for him and his friends to scrape up money to have an older friend purchase 40's for them to drink.
He went into the job corps program when he was 20. He wasn't allowed to drink, and he went nearly a year without alcohol and didn't really feel it was a loss. When he came back home from that he picked drinking back up and was drinking daily but didn't feel it was excessive. Jeffrey was questioning his drinking and was able to quit again for another year but realizes now he didn't have the recovery mindset, he was just doing it because he felt it was a spiritual issue.
At that point he felt he had had enough of a break and could allow himself to drink again. Aside from a few isolated negative events, Jeffrey was able to drink without much consequence for quite a while.
Jeffrey's drinking started to escalate and saw him shifting from social drinking to eventually needing it in order to feel normal. He says that drinking was part of the culture at the hotel job that he had. Once he started a new career, he knew he needed to stop the daytime drinking. That lasted some time, but eventually the anxiety became out of control to where Jeffrey had to use alcohol to help him feel normal and function. After his family left him, he was really spiraling out.
One Saturday morning he woke up to some family members coming into his home. They had organized an intervention and had everything set up for him to be able to go to rehab. He agreed to just go and says it changed everything for him.
He committed to 30 days but stayed longer. Jeffrey feels that he gained a lot of skills for recovery and life through DBT and CBT treatment. The focus on core beliefs really helped him.
Since getting in recovery, he is healing his relationships and making friends. Jeffrey feels that living is possible for him now.
Recovery Elevator The only way out is through I love you guys | |||
| RE 425: What Recovery Pathway is Right for Me? | 10 Apr 2023 | 00:52:46 | |
Today we have Doug. He is 59, from Buena Vista, CO and he took his last drink on July 28, 1982. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[2:30] Thoughts from Paul:
When building your recovery portfolio, a good goal is 50% external and 50% internal. At first, the internal work may be too big of an ask, but as your nervous system settles down, you want to aim for a balanced split. Here are some quick examples of what I mean when I say external vs internal:
External:
Internal:
When building out your recovery I recommend this 5-tiered approach:
3. Inner Peace – Meditation, breathwork, creative ventures, writing, time in nature.
[11:55] Paul introduces Doug:
Doug had his last drink on July 28th, 1982, when he was 19 years old. He lives in Buena Vista, CO and is married and they have two adult children. He has worked in upholstery, cabinet building and installations, and has built some houses with his son. He enjoys the mountains, biking and riding his motorcycle.
Doug grew up in a normal family and wasn't exposed to heavy drinking. His first experience with alcohol was when he was 4 years old when he remembers having a few sips of his mother's drink. He felt the warm glow and really liked it. Later when he was 12, a friend of his stole a bottle of liquor from his parents and while his friends were mixing it with soft drinks, Doug drank straight from the bottle. He felt something click – suddenly, he felt normal, and like everyone else.
When Doug was 16 his mother passed away and the drinking escalated and continued to be excessive after graduation. Some friends invited him to Alateen meetings, and he started attending weekly. Once a month AA members would come in and share their stories. He started identifying with some of the stories which got him to start question his drinking. He realized that he was becoming less like the person that he wanted to be.
When one of his former drinking friends disappeared from the meetings, he found out that they were working on sobriety with AA. That friend was a speaker at one of the meetings, and Doug noticed that they looked healthy and at peace. He chose to speak to him afterwards and expressed an interest in possibly attending AA but wasn't quite ready for it.
Doug finally accepted the invitations to attend and was planning to go to a meeting on July 29th. The night before he found himself drinking and when he saw himself in a mirror started asking himself why he was drinking. He didn't have a good answer for that.
AA has been a big tool for Doug, along with volunteer work. He knows that if he had continued drinking, he would not have had the life he has. He believes in counting blessings, finding things to be grateful for and putting sobriety before everything else.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home I love you guys | |||
| RE 424: Caring for You | 03 Apr 2023 | 00:53:37 | |
Today we have Abby. She is 49, from Phoenix, AZ, and took her last drink on 9/25/2020.
Today's Sponsor: Café RE [03:23] Thoughts from Kris:
In an effort to escape the long North Dakota winter, Kris and his wife took a short vacation to Dallas. They had a fantastic time enjoying the city and the company of friends. The key takeaways Kris had are the importance of self-care and connection. He believes that most people are very resilient, and we tend to allow things to keep stacking things onto our plate to the point of overwhelm. That's when we need to take time to slow down and take care of ourselves; how that looks is different for everyone.
[9:30] Kris introduces Abby:
Abby took her last drink on September 25, 2020. She's 49 and lives in Arizona. She's single and has a young adult daughter who lives nearby. She is self employed doing online marketing for small businesses. She likes to cook, read and stay active.
She got drunk for the first time at a New Year's Eve party when she was a young teen. She drank and smoked weed a lot through high school and college and feels fortunate that she never suffered any consequences throughout that time. At the time Abby thought drinking was just what people do in their teens and early twenties. In hindsight she knows it was numbing behavior. She never felt like she fit in, and alcohol helped her with her socializing.
After getting married to someone whose family had drug issues, she quit smoking but kept drinking. Her and her husband drank a lot together and chose wine because they thought it was more sophisticated. She didn't drink during her pregnancy but started back soon after her daughter was born.
Shortly after having their child, she and her husband got divorced. Abby says her drinking ramped up and she started smoking again. She found herself drinking to deal with her emotions and continuing to get into unhealthy relationships. Abby feels like she drank a lot because of her insecurities and not feeling good enough or worthy of love.
Abby initially quit drinking as part of a quest to get healthy after some concerning medical test results, not with the intention of getting sober. Her doctor had told her she needed to give up some foods, sugar and alcohol in order to heal. She quickly started feeling better so that helped her remain sober for nearly three months. Abby utilized her daughter as accountability which she feels helped a lot.
During a trip to Mexico on her birthday, she decided she was going to drink. She realized quickly that the way she drank was unhealthy. She had one last beer while out and it left her feeling awful for an entire weekend. She decided then that she was done.
When quitting she started on her own and didn't feel like she needed any support. She started feeling like she needed connection so she joined Café RE during a Ditching the Booze course. She made a friend in that group and then started a hiking group locally. Abby has really enjoyed meeting other people in recovery at multiple meet ups. She is extremely open about the fact that she doesn't drink and feels that helps her stay accountable.
Abby hosts a lot of chats in Café RE which she feel helps her give back to the community. She stays social with a lot of the friends that she has met there. She does enjoy NA beverages but says CONNECTION is key to her sobriety.
We're the only ones that can do this, but we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys
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| RE 423: Some Phoneless Fool | 27 Mar 2023 | 00:56:08 | |
Today we have Laura. She is 45, from Boston, MA, and took her last drink on September 27, 2014. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[02:07] Highlights from Paul:
Paul feels that addictions are adaptations to unhealthy environments. Rates of addiction, disease, inflammations, and cancers are all on the rise. In recovery we are tasked with creating a world for ourselves and others where we feel connected, worthy, and part of the community. Recovery is not about new world exploration but restoring the circuitry we were born with. Addiction could be what forces us to come together, put our differences aside and start loving each other.
Paul thinks that it is our job in recovery to create a life for ourselves and others that doesn't require alcohol for wholeness. He's up for the task, how about you?
[6:36] Paul introduces Laura:
Laura is 45 years old, lives in Boston, has one daughter and is recently engaged. She is a writer and the founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community. For fun she loves to read, play beach volleyball and travelling.
She first started drinking when she was 15 but didn't drink a lot. She played sports in high school which kept her from partying and her dad got sober when she was a teenager so she had a healthy fear of alcohol. Her drinking really started when she went to college. She had a fake ID and was all in. After graduating she found herself surrounded by drinking in the workforce. Throughout her 20's she surrounded herself with people who drank like her. There was a sense that she drank differently than others but she decided it was just something she needed to watch but not quit. She never had any serious consequences at this time in her life.
Laura feels that her drinking really increased after she became a mom. She had more anxiety, her body processed it differently, she was drinking more and it was working less. While she was pregnant, she realized how much she had relied on alcohol because she couldn't have it. She started worrying more about her drinking at this point because she was chasing relief from the anxiety and only finding it helping for 20 minutes or less.
The year before her last drink Laura found herself suffering some consequences. She got a DUI which she brushed off as just getting a ticket when asked about it. After an event that caused her to almost lose custody of her daughter, she spent the next year actively trying to quit drinking. Her family was acutely aware of her drinking issue and were holding her accountable. She was very angry and wasn't at the point that she accepted that the alcohol needed to go.
She tried to go to AA but didn't enjoy it at first. She continued to drink but also kept going to meetings. She was starting to have more sober time than drinking time and was reaping the benefits. It wasn't until she stopped making the promise to not drink and instead focused on one day at a time.
Laura started closing all her escape hatches after getting a little bit of sobriety time. She feels the most important thing about sobriety is that you cannot do it alone.
And these days, there are more and more resources out there where we don't have to do it alone.
Recovery Elevator Rule 22 – Lighten Up I love you guys
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| RE 422: The Pursuit of Happiness | 20 Mar 2023 | 01:03:13 | |
Today we have Susannah. She is 42 from Hampshire, England, and took her last drink on 4/29/2022. Today's Sponsor: Café RE [03:09] Highlights from Paul:
Paul shares a blog post created by Odette regarding happiness in sobriety. He also shares his thoughts that sobriety does not equal happiness or solve all of our problems, but it does give us the chance to build a life where happiness knocks on the door more frequently. The school of sobriety is going to teach you the most important lessons of life. Love and acceptance. It will keep teaching you these lessons until you have accepted, that's the lesson to learn.
[10:40] Kris introduces Susannah:
Susannah is about to celebrate 10 months of sobriety. She lives in the south of England; she is married, and they have three boys and two dogs. She works in luxury concierge. In her free time, she enjoys walking and is looking forward to expanding her garden this year.
Susannah grew up as the youngest of 3 kids. Her parents drank socially but she was never exposed to any kind of alcohol abuse. When she was young, she was sent to boarding school. She was exposed to alcohol when she was around 13 but had no interest in it, in fact she was very against drinking at that time. It wasn't until she was 16 that she started socially drinking at pubs with friends, but it wasn't an issue she feels.
Her mother died suddenly when Susannah was 22. Her and her mother were very close, so she was feeling quite isolated and alone after this loss. A few years later Susannah was in Thailand when the tsunami hit. These events had her questioning "why me?" and she thinks that they contributed to some of her attention seeking behavior and participation in toxic relationships. She doesn't feel that she was using drinking to cope at this point in time but was not dealing with the traumas very well.
When she was in her early thirties, she got pregnant. She found pregnancy to be very difficult for her but didn't have trouble quitting drinking during these times. She had several medical issues happen which caused her first child to be born early which was scary for her.
After her second child her drinking started to increase. The drinking events coming more and more frequently whether they were over bad things or celebratory things.
Susannah says she was able to stop drinking for periods of time but never with the goal of quitting completely. She tried to seek help but was told she should try medication or taking vitamins. Since she functioned well on the outside no one believed she had a problem. She kept trying to moderate, but it never worked.
After a terrible hangover that had her sick at an event in her village the next day she decided to go to AA. She met the woman who is now her sponsor at that first meeting and with a hug from her, she finally felt the relief that she was in the right place.
After about four or five months of sobriety, she feels things has shifted. She has learned so much about herself and has start dealing with all of her traumas. She is better as a wife and mother and feels she performs better at work.
[01:02:31] Kris' Outro:
The beauty of recovery are the chances that keep showing up to put the healing we have done to good work. What's happened in your life that you wouldn't have expected if you were still drinking?
The only way out is through I love you guys
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| RE 545: The Healing Process | 28 Jul 2025 | 00:46:45 | |
Today we have Rachel. She is 48 years old and lives in Minneapolis, MN. She took her last drink on August 28th, 2018.
This episode brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Sober Link – learn more and save $50 off of a device
Come join us in beautiful Bozeman, Montana this August 6th – 10th for our annual flagship retreat. We have a few camping spots as well as a few spots left in the men's cabin. [02:50] Thoughts from Paul:
Healing can look a bit like a paradox and Paul shares several examples showing this. Tying this same idea into ditching the booze we can say that quitting drinking can make you feel more anxious at first, when it's actually making you calmer in the long run. Quitting drinking can make you feel more emotional and raw when it's actually making you more resilient. Sobriety can make you feel bored at first, but it's actually clearing space for hobbies and adventures that you'll deeply enjoy.
Healing can hurt at first, but look out, brighter days are just on the horizon. Can you do this? Absolutely. Will there be stumbles, bad days? Without a doubt.
You can do this, you are doing this and you're further along on your AF journey than you think. Keep moving forward.
[06:30] Paul introduces Rachel:
Rachel is 48 and lives just outside of Minneapolis, MN. She is married and they have three cats. She is a director in financial services and for fun she enjoys reading, writing and attending meet ups with other sober people.
Alcohol was always present when Rachel was growing up. She was an achiever in school and had already completed some college before graduating high school. Drinking was not a focus for her through her school years, and she didn't start drinking until later in her life.
Around 2008 during the national financial crisis, Rachel says her drinking changed. Being a bond trader during this time was tough due to the uncertainty of the future. Rachel found herself having a drink after work and it became part of habit loop for her: go to work, come home, have a drink. Over the next 7 to 10 years, that one drink turned into multiple bottles.
Rachel was desperate to figure out how to solve this issue without drinking and tried moderation with no luck. She began reading books like This Naked Mind and listening to podcasts like RE. She felt the stories on the podcast were relatable because they were normal people and not the stereotypical bum under a bridge with the brown paper bag.
After hearing suggestions of trying to quit for 30 days, Rachel decided to try it and has been sober ever since. She says the first three days were hard but within seven days she was sleeping better than she ever had. Rachel began substituting wine with sparkling water and while it was tough at first, it became her new habit. She also joined Café RE and found community there and in AA.
Rachel recently self-published a book called Functional: A High Performer's Guide to Achieving Freedom from Alcohol. She says she wrote a book that she wishes were available to her when she got sober. Many of the books out there have glaring rock bottom moments which Rachel said she didn't have. She believes that it may sometimes be harder for people without a rock bottom to quit because it isn't as obvious that they need to.
Rachel's best advice to somebody that is functional is to just try to quit for 30 days and use it as a time of self-discovery.
Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys. We can do this.
Café RE – the social app for sober people
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| RE 421: Keep it Simple | 13 Mar 2023 | 00:48:56 | |
Today we have Stephanie. She is 44 from Georgetown, MA and took her last drink on September 6, 2020. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Recovery Elevator podcast just surpassed 10 million downloads! Thank you to our guests, all the team members, Café RE members, and especially our listeners!
[2:49] Highlights from Paul:
In an age where almost everything plugs in, we as human beings do not. Often when we are feeling upset or triggered, one (or more than one) aspect of H.A.L.T is at play. Try and ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.
Paul gives us a lot of suggestions of simple ways to address these feelings and asks the listener – how do you keep it simple? Let us know on Monday's post on Instagram in the comment area!
[10:42] Paul introduces Stephanie:
Stephanie took her last drink on September 6th, 2020. She is 44 years old, lives in Georgetown, Massachusetts. She is married and has two boys, ages 7 and 9, and two dogs. She enjoys walking and running and loves all things sci-fi.
She first started drinking when she was 15 with an 18 year old boyfriend. She was socially anxious, and drinking helped with that. There were very few consequences and she says it was at least once a weekend she drank, but never drank at home and wasn't exposed to alcohol at home. She did well in school and followed the rules at home.
She drank in college and went out with her friends typically Thursday through Saturday but did well in school during the week. She was able to dodge some consequences, but the behavior continued. The drinking gradually began happening more frequently especially after she started dating someone and they spent a lot of time going out and drinking together.
She ended up getting married and they moved to Arizona. Their relationship was surrounded by alcohol, and it started to become obvious that they couldn't take nights off and that was an issue. They split up and she moved back home to Boston. While she was excited for the next chapter of her life, she ended up starting to drink alone which was a red flag to her. She met her husband and they had a lot of fun together, even though they drank. Nothing serious happened, but she still felt that she was drinking too much. She was able to quit while she was pregnant and realized during the second pregnancy that she was wanting it to hurry up so she could start drinking again. Shortly after that she moved from bottles of wine to boxes.
Around the beginning of the pandemic, she told her husband that she was going to quit, but she wasn't able to. She started hiding mini bottles and realized she started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. She was starting to have physical pains and was saddened by what she saw in the mirror. She was feeling more and more disconnected and realized that she wanted to change this so she could connect and be more present with her children.
Due to the pain, she was having, Stephanie decided to make an appointment with her doctor and got some alarming results. She decided to come clean with her husband and let him know what's been going on and that she was ready to quit drinking. He was very supportive which she wasn't expecting.
Stephanie realized that she had to do things differently. Moderation had never worked in the past, so she knew that wasn't an option this time. Three big things she did were she told the truth about her addiction, found a community whose language she really resonated with, and ensured she consistently had an hour to herself where she would listen to podcasts and walk. She is looking forward to doing some international travel sober, which she hasn't done before, and she is excited to continue being a more present parent and partner.
Recovery Elevator You can do this I love you guys
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| RE 420: The Most Prolific Trap | 06 Mar 2023 | 01:02:46 | |
Today we have Matthew. He is 49 from Phoenix, AZ, and has been a sober rock star since 12/15/2006. Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[03:00] Highlights from Paul:
As humans, we are prone to the trap that things will be better, or we will feel better after x, y or z happens. If we are constantly attaching happiness to accomplishments, checklists, or sobriety clocks, then eventually this surface level happiness fades and doesn't last nearly as long. Diffusing this trap is our most important task as a species at the moment. To find inner peace regardless of what is going on outside.
The first thing we can do to confront the trap is recognize it and then try to find happiness in the present moment while working towards the goal in mind. This is being okay with being okay or being okay even if you feel like dog crap. You are not doing sobriety, or anything wrong, if you have a bad day or 50.
To be fair, we do feel better when we make positive change in our lives, but it's the balance we are going for. And not to place 100% of happiness to a future date, which is never guaranteed.
[11:37] Kris introduces Matthew:
Matthew has just past 16 years of sobriety. He is married and they have two teenage sons. He spent many years as a radio and TV personality all over the country, but recently left the business to do podcasts, motivational speaking and is the head coach of a local high school hockey team. He enjoys doing this as well as taking advantage of the hiking opportunities near where he lives in Phoenix, AZ.
Matthew was first exposed to alcohol at a very young age when his dad would share sips of beer with him. He grew up in a family where drinking was a part of the landscape at all gatherings of any kind.
He didn't really drink a whole lot until he was in his late teens. Later in his twenties, Matthew's career found him doing a lot of appearances where he was expected to be the life of the party and ensure that everyone present was having a good time. This involved large bar tabs and many after parties that he occasionally had too much and couldn't function well for his job the next day.
His drinking increased a lot after his father died. He was attending therapy to deal with the great loss and how it happened. He ended up leaving his family and traveled around the country with his career eventually meeting his wife. Things were going well and then there were major changes at work which ended up with him being unemployed while his wife was pregnant. He says that he spent a lot of time drinking at that point.
The moved again shortly after that and it was after a work Christmas party that Matthew found his rock bottom moment. That night he didn't want the party to end but was unable to find an open bar. He ended up buying some wine and walking home. It was a three mile walk in the snow to his house. His wife and son were both crying when he got home and he just went to his room and passed out. When he woke up, he wrote a letter to his wife and son saying that he will never have another drink.
When he decided to quit, he knew he couldn't do it by himself. He went to therapy to help him uncover the "why". He told everyone that he was not going to be able to attend any alcoholic events for a while. Learning why he was drinking was the most important piece. He believes in living a life that he doesn't want to escape from.
[01:02:15] Kris' summary:
Kris reflects on the power of connection with people that you can let your guard down with. It's important to feel seen and community is a great way to do that.
We are the only ones that can do this, RE But we don't have to do it alone. I love you guys
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| RE 419: Boredom & Sobriety | 27 Feb 2023 | 00:43:42 | |
Today we have Joel. He is 42 from Lawton, OK, and took his last drink on November 28th, 2022 Today's Sponsor: Café RE
[2:18] Highlights from Paul:
Boredom is a completely normal and natural emotion, one of the many all humans have. In today's world, we are were unconsciously wired to feel inadequate if we are not stimulated 24/7. But boredom is healthy and what is needed for a creative spark. Big alcohol has done a great job of convincing us that we cannot have fun without alcohol, and part of the sobriety process is finding joy or fun again – without the shit. We can learn to leverage technology and maybe start researching something that we are interested in. And everything becomes a possibility when you quit drinking. It takes our body time to find a heathier homeostasis but with time and practice, boredom becomes the invitation for us to be open to whatever wants to come our way in an alcohol-free life.
[12:01] Paul introduces Joel:
Joel has 51 days of sobriety at the time of this recording. He is manager of a large automotive retailer. He is married and they have a 14 year old daughter. He enjoys spending time outdoors hiking and at the lake.
Raised by a single mom and had addicts in his family. He didn't really know his dad until he was 13-14 years old and doesn't really have contact with him anymore. Parents had a toxic relationship.
Joel feels that this time in sobriety is different. He has tried many times and it seems like it gets harder every time. This time he feels that some of the signs he was given were different than before. He started realizing that he was allowing alcohol to take more and more control of his life. He was drinking on the way home from work, his wife hated his drinking so he was hiding it, and finally he realized it was becoming a huge problem. The last few weeks found him having some red flags that made him realize he really needed to stop.
Joel says the first few days were exciting and full of optimism and then about day 3-5 found him full of anxiety. He knew it was part of his healing, and found he needed to stay busy to keep sober. After two weeks he started feeling better, seeing some physical improvements and getting positive feedback from his wife. He feels very motivated to keep the momentum going and finally feels free.
He says he has always been a fan of routines, but now has a much healthier one without alcohol. Exercise has been a huge help to him as well as being reflective in a quiet space. As soon as he feels any anxiety he goes for walks regardless of where he is.
Thinking of the future Joel says he wants to be a role model for his daughter and live a happy life with his family. His mental health is important to him, and he has no interest in ever drinking again. Joel is in some sobriety groups and enjoys listening to podcasts. He and his wife also talk a lot about his journey, she is very understanding and supportive now.
Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we all go home. I love you guys
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