welcome to the first episode of recovered-ish.

in this episode, i share why i started this podcast, what recovered-ish actually means, and why the idea of “full recovery” isn’t as clear-cut as we’re often told.

i’m 30 years old, over a decade into eating disorder recovery, and both a therapist and recovery coach. if you asked me today whether i’m fully recovered, my answer wouldn’t be a simple yes or no — and that nuance is exactly what this episode explores.

this conversation focuses on the messy middle of recovery. the part that rarely gets talked about. the years where life expands and gets more meaningful, while food and body thoughts can still show up.

in this episode, we cover:

• why i named this podcast recovered-ish
• why recovery isn’t linear and doesn’t have one finish line
• the pressure to be “fully recovered” and how it can backfire
• how perfectionism sneaks into recovery
• redefining recovery in a way that’s sustainable and real
• what progress actually looks like without chasing perfection

sponsor / resources mentioned

if this episode resonates and you want more structure, tools, and support, check out Recovery Skills Training — my step-by-step program that teaches the practical skills of eating disorder recovery.

get $57 off with code PODCAST:
https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/

timestamps

00:00 intro to recovered-ish
 00:25 why i started this podcast
 02:20 the reality of eating disorder recovery
 03:15 is full recovery even possible?
 05:24 my personal recovery journey
 11:44 perfectionism in recovery
 15:05 redefining what recovery means
 20:16 learning to stay in the process
 29:11 final thoughts + what’s next

follow along on instagram: @recoverwithchloe

if you’ve ever felt stuck in the in-between or questioned whether you’re doing recovery “right,” this episode is for you.

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

in this episode, i share my eating disorder + recovery story — but not in the “before/after, numbers, shock value” way. i’m not here to give you content you can compare yourself to. i’m here to give you context, meaning, and the parts that actually matter.

i talk about the early moments where body awareness and objectification started showing up way before food did, how perfectionism and high achievement shaped my brain, and how passion (for me: musical theatre) quietly morphed into an eating disorder before i even realized what was happening.

this episode is about the function of the eating disorder — not just what it looked like.

important note before you listen

i do not share weights, numbers, behavior details, or “sick photos.” my goal is for you to leave feeling less alone, not more activated.

in this episode, we cover:

• the earliest body memory i can still remember (and why it mattered)
• how objectification and “being perceived” can wire body shame early
• perfectionism: not the drive to achieve — the fear of failing
• passion + obsession: how a “good trait” can become a risk factor
• the perfect storm: temperament + stress + environment (college, change, isolation)
• how my eating disorder became intertwined with identity and performance
• the moment i realized i had achieved my dream… and felt trapped by it
• how the eating disorder functioned like an escape hatch (and why that’s so hard to let go of)
• what actually helped: support, treatment, and building a life i didn’t need to be saved from
• the question i want you to sit with: what is your eating disorder doing for you?

sponsor / resources mentioned

if you want real tools (not just insight), Recovery Skills Training is my step-by-step program that teaches the skills of recovery: food guilt, fear, identity, internal leadership, exercise, real-life situations, and more.

get $57 off with code PODCAST:
https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/

follow along on instagram: @recoverwithchloe (instagram.com/recoverwithchloe)

timestamps 
00:00 intro + how i’m sharing this safely
02:34 why “ed storytime” can be harmful
06:06 early body awareness
12:27 perfectionism + high achievement
15:12 passion → disorder
18:47 the perfect storm in college
25:04 broadway + identity crisis
30:15 the eating disorder as an emergency exit
32:54 treatment + recovery
37:34 the questions
39:12 closing thoughts

if anything in this episode brings up insight, familiarity, or emotion — i’d love to hear from you. comment wherever you’re listening, or DM me your thoughts. your story matters too.

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

in this episode, we’re talking about the fear of weight gain — and why you can’t just “get over it.”

if you’ve ever thought i want recovery, but i can’t handle my body changing, this episode is for you.

we unpack why weight gain can feel like danger (not just discomfort), how avoidance wires fear, and why waiting to feel “okay” before taking action keeps people stuck for years.

i also want to name this clearly: i recovered into a smaller body, and that comes with privilege. my experience is not universal. the fear, however, is something many of us share — and it deserves compassion, not shame.

in this episode, we cover:

• why weight gain fear feels paralyzing, not superficial
  
  
  
• how avoidance makes food and body change feel unsafe
  
  
  
• the identity layer behind the fear (being “the small one,” the disciplined one, the acceptable one)
  
  
  
• thinness as protection in a cruel culture
  
  
  
• why you can’t think your way out of this fear
  
  
  
• why exposure — not confidence — is what actually reduces fear
  
  
  
• why body neutrality is a win (you don’t need body love to recover)
  
  
  
• the moment i accidentally saw my weight years into recovery — and what it taught me
  
  
  

takeaway i want you to sit with:

you don’t have to want your body to change.
you don’t have to feel ready.
you don’t have to love your body.

actually, recovery happens when you do it afraid.

fear in one hand. fork in the other.

if this episode brought up insight, familiarity, or emotion — i’d love to hear from you. dm me or leave a comment wherever you’re listening. this podcast is a conversation.

follow along on instagram: @recoverwithchloe

Creators + resources:

i’m linking a few creators and clinicians i deeply respect who speak about recovery, body change, and weight stigma from perspectives beyond my own — including diverse body sizes, racial identities, and queer experiences:

• shira rosenbluth, lcsw — eating disorder therapist speaking openly about recovery into a larger body
  
  
  
• dr. rachel millner — body trust provider focusing on fear, safety, and weight stigma
  
  
  
• food psych podcast (christy harrison) — recovery, culture, and weight stigma conversations
  
  
  
• sonya renee taylor — body liberation through racial justice and collective healing
  
  
  
• megan jayne crabbe — lived recovery experience and body change narratives

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

today we’re covering one of the most confusing and emotionally loaded topics in eating disorder recovery:
exercise.

because movement can genuinely help anxiety.
and it can also quietly become another way the eating disorder stays in control.

in this episode, we talk about the role exercise plays in eating disorders, why stopping movement can feel terrifying, and how to tell the difference between moving to feel connected vs moving to control your body.

i also share my personal relationship with exercise — from loving movement as a kid, to compulsive exercise in my eating disorder, to why i needed time away from exercise in treatment before i could ever rebuild a safer relationship with it.

this is not a “never exercise again” episode.
and it’s not a “just move intuitively” conversation either.

it’s a nuanced look at intention, identity, and embodiment — and how to know when exercise is supporting recovery versus quietly running it.

⚠️ content note
this episode is intentionally non-triggering:
no numbers (weight, calories, vitals)
no detailed behaviors
no body comparison or before/after content

in this episode, i talk about:
– the “ED to gym girly pipeline”
– how exercise can become compensatory
– when movement shifts from regulating to controlling
– identity and morality around being “disciplined” or “healthy”
– why motivation matters more than the movement itself
– why some people need a full break from exercise in recovery
– my treatment experience with stopping and reintroducing movement
– yoga, embodiment, and reconnecting with the body
– how to recognize when exercise is becoming disordered again
– questions to assess your relationship with movement

⏱️ episode timestamps
0:00 Intro
2:45 Why Exercise Is So Confusing in Recovery
9:20 My Early Relationship With Movement
13:30 When Exercise Became Compulsive
18:30 Exercise as Compensation
23:10 Identity, Morality, and “Discipline”
28:20 Treatment, Rest, and Why I Had to Stop
34:00 Reintroducing Movement Safely
39:45 When the Eating Disorder Wakes Back Up
43:15 Exercise Relationship Audit
49:30 Closing Reflections

sponsor / resources
Recovery Skills Training — my step-by-step program for eating disorder recovery
get $57 off with code PODCAST
👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com

follow along on instagram:
@recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hi! welcome back to recovered-ish.

this episode is about one of the most common thoughts that keeps people stuck in eating disorders:

it’s not that bad.
it could be worse.
i’m not sick enough for help.

we talk about where this belief comes from, why it feels so convincing, and how it’s reinforced by medical providers, mental health systems, social media, and comparison — even when someone’s inner world is completely consumed by food, body, and fear.

i also share personal stories from my own experience, including being complimented on my body at a moment when i was close to asking for help, and later being told by a doctor that i was healthy despite being the most sick — moments that delayed care when i was deeply unwell.

⚠️ content note
this episode is intentionally non-graphic:
no numbers (weight, calories, vitals)
no detailed behaviors
no body comparison or before/after content

in this episode, i talk about:
– how eating disorders often begin from a well-intentioned place
– the “honeymoon phase” where restriction can feel rewarding
– when it stops feeling good and starts taking over
– why physical markers aren’t reliable indicators of severity
– medical and mental health invalidation
– gaps in provider education around eating disorders
– social media and the “not sick enough” comparison spiral
– the eating disorder’s agenda and why it survives on delay
– anosognosia (loss of insight) and why it’s so dangerous
– wanting your pain to be visible
– why you deserve care now, not later

⏱️ episode timestamps
0:00 Cold Open: The Lie
00:40 Introduction
03:20 The Honeymoon Phase
06:58 When It Stops Feeling Good
10:52 My Story: The Beach Compliment
12:59 Medical Invalidation
14:20 The Mental Illness Reality
17:13 Provider Education Gap
21:04 Social Media & Recovery Content
26:10 The Eating Disorder’s Agenda
31:33 Anosognosia: Loss of Insight
33:58 Wanting to Be Sick
36:55 You Deserve Care Now
37:42 Q&A: First Steps in Recovery

sponsor / resources
Recovery Skills Training — my step-by-step program for eating disorder recovery
get $57 off with code PODCAST
👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.c...

follow along on instagram:
@recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hi. welcome back to recovered-ish.

this episode is about relapse and why i don’t think it means what we’ve been taught to believe it means.

relapse is extremely common. and the fact that it’s so common tells me a few things. this is really hard. success in recovery isn’t well defined. and we haven’t figured out eating disorder treatment as well as we think we have.

i talk about how relapse usually isn’t accidental. it often has something to do with the nervous system floundering before it finds regulation again. added stress. familiar stress returning before you’re ready. leaving treatment too soon. needing safety again.

i also share parts of my own history including a relapse that’s more recent than i’d like to admit and a lot of near misses along the way. lapses. trips that could’ve turned into tumbles. the messy middle that lasts longer than people talk about.

we talk about what actually helps when relapse shows up. not panic. not shame. going back to basics. being honest as soon as possible. and re evaluating recovery using the five pillars i come back to again and again. nourishment. movement. support. coping. identity.

⚠️ content note
 this episode is intentionally non graphic.
 no numbers.
 no detailed behaviors.

in this episode, we talk about:
 – why relapse is so common
 – the difference between a lapse and a relapse
 – nervous system overwhelm and regulation
 – why relapse isn’t a moral failure
 – my own relapse and near miss experiences
 – what actually helps you come back
 – using the five pillars to reorient recovery

if you’re in a relapse right now, scared you’re heading toward one, or wondering if what you’re experiencing counts, i hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone and a little less panicked.

support beyond the episode
 if you want structure and tools to support your recovery, i created Recovery Skills Training. it’s a step by step course that helps you build real skills around nourishment, movement, coping, support, and identity so you’re not just relying on willpower.

you can get $57 off with code PODCAST.
 👉 Recovery Skills Training » Powered by ThriveCart

follow me on instagram:
 @recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hi, my lovely friends. welcome back to recovered-ish.

this week’s episode is messy. i’m congested. there’s construction beeping outside my office. it’s a full comedy of errors. but honestly… that feels fitting. recovery is messy too.

i did a poll on instagram and you all had so many good questions that i couldn’t pick just one. so we’re doing a recovery buffet. a little bit of this, a little bit of that. not a deep dive feast. just honest, off-the-cuff answers.

in this episode, we talk about:

– how to let go of control when guilt shows up immediately
– why the eating disorder is actually the thing controlling you
– channeling your “control” into places that serve you instead of hurt you
– body acceptance vs body neutrality vs body respect
– whether you “have to eat that much” in recovery if you’re not underweight
– starting therapy when only 1% of you wants to recover
– handling countertransference as a recovered clinician
– how to get a diagnosis if you’re an “unconventional” presentation
– how to actually take action instead of just consuming recovery content
– calories on menus (short answer: hate it)
– why feeling guilty after eating normally does not mean you did something wrong
– what to do if higher level of care didn’t work for you

we also talk a lot about guilt. how guilt isn’t proof. how you can’t trust it right now. how sometimes eating what your body needs is going to feel bad — and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

if you’re stuck on the edge of starting. if you’re eating “normally” but feeling awful about it. if you’re trying to let go of control and it feels impossible.

this episode is for you.

support beyond the podcast:

if you’re ready to move from insight to implementation, Recovery Skills Training is my step-by-step course that walks you through the actual doing of recovery. nourishment. movement. coping. support. identity.

you can get $57 off with code PODCAST.

👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ 

follow along on instagram:
@recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hello, lovely friends. welcome back to recovered-ish.

today we’re talking about quasi recovery.

this is the phase where you’re not relapsed. you’re functioning. you’re eating. life looks mostly normal.

but the tape is still running.

in this episode, i talk about:

– what quasi recovery actually is (and how it’s different from relapse)
 – the “good enough” space that can last for years
 – rigidity that hides inside normal routines
 – the identity piece that keeps people stuck
 – why this phase often gets socially rewarded

i also share my own quasi recovery story — including the years i secretly went vegan and didn’t tell my dietitian. it looked aligned. it also kept me safe.

we walk through the questions that help you know if you’re in this space and the first practical steps to start getting out.

if you’ve ever thought, “i’m not relapsed… but i’m not fully free either,” this episode is for you.

support beyond the podcast

if you’re ready for more structured support, my 8-week group program the Quasi Recovery Exit is open now!

👉 https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application

follow along on instagram:
 @recoverwithchloe

don’t forget to eat your food.

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hello, lovely friends! welcome back to recovered-ish.

today we’re talking about motivation. and more specifically, why it feels so hard to find motivation to recover.

i hear this all the time.
 “i don’t feel motivated.”
 “i don’t have a strong enough reason.”
 “i know what to do, but i can’t make myself do it.”

and the more i sat with this topic, the more i realized something.

motivation works beautifully inside an eating disorder.

there are goals. numbers. boxes to check. clear cause and effect. you restrict and you feel less guilt. you hit a number and your brain gives you a dopamine spike. accomplishment feeds motivation. motivation feeds accomplishment.

it’s a loop.

so when we flip the script and say okay, now i’m going to do the opposite of everything that felt concrete and measurable and “safe,” it makes sense that motivation suddenly disappears.

in this episode, i talk about:

– why eating disorders are incredibly motivating
 – how accomplishment and dopamine wire you in
 – how self hatred can also fuel motivation
 – why recovery feels harder to initiate
 – the belief underneath recovery which is “i am deserving of care”
 – why mindset work alone rarely moves the needle
 – why action has to come before belief
 – why motivation is not sustainable
 – what actually carries you forward when motivation fails

i also share more of my own story. the false promises my eating disorder made. the flashes of clarity that didn’t last. the fear of being trapped in my own brain. the anger that finally pushed me to take action.

and then we get to the two things that actually move recovery forward long term.

trust.
 and risk taking.

if motivation feels unreliable for you right now, this episode is for you.

support beyond the podcast

if you’re ready to stop waiting for motivation and start building real momentum, Recovery Skills Training walks you through the actual doing of recovery. nourishment. movement. coping. support. identity. step by step.

you can get $57 off with code PODCAST.

👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ 

follow along on instagram:
 @recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

Episode Description

One of the most common questions I get — from clients, from Instagram, from people deep in the trenches of recovery — is this: does the eating disorder voice ever actually go away?

In this episode, I get honest about my own experience with the ED voice: what it sounded like at its worst, how it shifted through different stages of recovery, and where it lives now (spoiler: it's a lot more like an intrusive thought about tap dancing in a grocery store than a voice running my life).

This isn't a tidy yes-or-no answer, because recovery isn't tidy. But it is a real one — and one I don't think the internet talks about honestly enough.

In This Episode:

• What the eating disorder voice actually is — and why it can feel like a separate voice in your head (and no, that doesn't mean you're "crazy")
• The difference between ego syntonic and ego dystonic thinking, and why that shift matters in recovery
• My personal experience with the ED voice from its loudest point to where it lives now
• Why the voice often gets louder when you start recovering — and what that actually means
• The beach ball analogy: why trying to "shut up" the ED voice often backfires
• What actually moves the needle: building your own voice, not silencing theirs
• The near-relapse I've talked about before — and why it happened even without a constantly active voice
• Why "if I can't fully recover, why even try?" is one of the most dangerous traps in recovery
• Practical tools for when the voice feels all-consuming

Timestamps:

0:44 Intro & life update 3:22 Episode topic intro: the eating disorder voice question 7:19 What is the "eating disorder voice"? 10:56 Who asks this & why 13:39 My personal experience: the voice at its worst 14:38 Do I still have disordered thoughts? My honest answer 20:42 How I got to where I am today 28:06 The beach ball metaphor: giving the voice less space 32:24 My answer: yes and no 36:54 Practical tips if the voice is all-consuming 40:03 Outro

Practical Tools Mentioned:

• Name the voice: learn to label thoughts as "eating disorder thoughts" without immediately fighting them
• Hear it, don't obey it: practice acknowledging the ED voice and giving yourself permission to have a different opinion — even if you don't know what that is yet
• Identify the feeling underneath: fear, panic, sadness — and ask what you need that isn't an eating disorder behavior
• The "noise" technique: when all else fails, just say it out loud — noise, noise, noise

Quotes from This Episode:

"The goal maybe isn't to stop having an eating disorder voice entirely. Maybe the goal is to stop having it rule your life."

"It stopped being just about the eating disorder. I started writing more about meeting new people and discovering new parts of me."

"Even if your life can be 50% better than it is right now — that is so worth it compared to the 100% hell that is living with an eating disorder."

Keywords/Tags: eating disorder recovery, eating disorder voice, ED voice, does the eating disorder voice go away, quasi-recovery, restrictive eating disorder, disordered eating, food guilt, recovery mindset, anorexia recovery, bulimia recovery, Recovered-ish podcast, Chloe Cox, recovered-ish, eating disorder therapist, eating di

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hello, lovely friends. welcome back to recovered-ish.

today we’re talking about the part of recovery that i think catches a lot of people off guard:

how long it takes.
 how messy it is.
 and how discouraging it can feel when you’re doing “everything right” and still not feeling better yet.

because i think a lot of people go into recovery expecting it to feel hard for a little while… and then eventually click into place.

and when that doesn’t happen, it’s really easy to spiral into:
 is this even working?
 why is this still so hard?
 am i doing recovery wrong?

this episode is the reality check i think a lot of people need.

in this episode, i talk about:

• why recovery often feels worse before it feels better
• the part of healing nobody really prepares you for
• why treatment is a beginning, not a magic fix
• how eating disorders create false safety
• why discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing
• what actually keeps people going when recovery feels long and exhausting
• why you’re not behind just because it’s taking time

i also talk about the difference between wanting recovery and actually staying in it long enough for your brain and body to catch up.

if you’ve ever thought, “i’m trying so hard… why does this still feel awful?” this one is for you.

sponsor

today’s episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth — truly one of my favorite brands i’ve gotten to partner with.

if you want to romanticize your life a little and make your bed / pajamas / nervous system feel better, i highly recommend.

use code RECOVERY for up to 20% off
 👉 www.cozyearth.com

support beyond the podcast

💛 Recovery Skills Training — my step-by-step program for eating disorder recovery
 use code PODCAST for $57 off
 👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/

follow along on instagram:
 @recoverwithchloe

don’t forget to eat your food.

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hi! welcome back to recovered-ish.

today we’re talking about food guilt.
but not in the surface-level way it’s usually talked about.

because this isn’t just
“i feel a little guilty.”

this is the kind of guilt that hits after you eat and makes you feel like you need to fix it. immediately.

the kind that lingers.
the kind that turns into
“i shouldn’t have done that” → “i am bad.”

and if you’ve ever been stuck in that loop of
eat → feel awful → compensate → feel safe → repeat
this episode is going to make a lot of things click.

⚠️ content note
this episode discusses eating disorder thoughts, food guilt, and compensatory urges.
no numbers or graphic details.

in this episode, i talk about:

• why food guilt feels so intense
• the difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)
• how guilt reinforces the eating disorder cycle
• why your body reacts like it’s in danger after eating
• where “good vs bad” food beliefs actually come from
• the problem with “clean eating” and food rules
• why this isn’t really about willpower
• why thinking differently isn’t enough on its own
• how to stop trying to “fix” the food
• what to actually do after you eat when the guilt hits
• real ways to regulate your body instead of compensating

resources / sponsor

sponsor

this episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth.

you guys know i’m really intentional about what i share here, and i would never partner with a brand that didn’t actually align.

cozy earth makes some of the softest, most comfortable loungewear and bedding i’ve ever owned. like genuinely the kind of stuff that makes you feel a little more taken care of in your day to day.

if you want to check them out, you can use code RECOVERY for up to 20% off.

www.cozyearth.com

Recovery Skills Training — my step-by-step program for eating disorder recovery

get $57 off with code PODCAST
👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/

follow me on instagram:
instagram.com/recoverwithchloe
@recoverwithchloe

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hello, lovely friends. welcome back to recovered-ish.

today’s episode is a little different.

i was feeling kind of chaotic, kind of scattered, and i knew i did not have it in me to do justice to one of the bigger, heavier topics i had planned. so instead, i did something i honestly never thought i would do.

i pulled out my old journals.

the actual journals i kept from the depths of my eating disorder through therapy, residential treatment, php, iop, and early recovery. five full books of wild thoughts, assignments, fears, honesty, and things i didn’t even want to say out loud at the time.

so in this episode, i’m reading them with you.

in this episode, i talk about:
 – the lies my eating disorder told me
 – the illusion of control it promised
 – what the eating disorder was giving me at the time
 – what it was quietly taking away
 – identity loss in recovery
 – why anger can be such a powerful emotion in healing
 – recovery assignments that actually helped
 – the moment i started imagining a future in a different body
 – what it looked like to slowly find myself again

there are definitely moments in this episode that are funny. there are also moments that really got me.

more than anything, i hope it makes you feel less alone.

because if you’ve ever felt like your thoughts were too weird, too dark, too obsessive, too much for anyone else to understand, i promise you are not the only one.

support beyond the podcast
 if you want more structure and support in your recovery, Recovery Skills Training is my step by step program that helps you build real momentum with food, body image, coping, identity, and recovery skills that actually stick.

use code PODCAST for $57 off
 👉 https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ 

follow along on instagram:
 @recoverwithchloe

don’t forget to eat your food.

Resources + Connect with Me:

• Instagram: @recoverwithchloe
• Recovery Skills Training: use code PODCAST for $57 off!
• Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on YouTube! 

hello, lovely friends! welcome back to recovered-ish.

today we’re talking about body changes in recovery and how to cope when weight gain starts to feel huge.

because of course this is one of the biggest fears in recovery. most people would be willing to take the risk on healing if they could guarantee their body would stay the same. but that’s not how this works. and even when you know logically that your body may need to change, that does not mean you’re going to feel emotionally okay about it.

in this episode, i talk about:
 – why body changes feel uniquely hard in the current social climate
 – the way beauty standards keep swinging and why that matters
 – how i coped early on by making body change a “future chloe problem”
 – why avoidance can help at first and also backfire later
 – the difference between flooding yourself versus gradually learning to tolerate change
 – why i do not think loving your body is a requirement for recovery
 – why body positivity didn’t fully land for me
 – how making the body less important changed everything
 – the identity piece underneath the fear of weight gain
 – why the real question is often “who will i be if i’m no longer the small one, the fit one, the disciplined one?”

i also share what actually helped me most. not trying to force myself to love the way i looked. not convincing myself my body was beautiful every second. but building a life that mattered more than my body did.

if you’ve ever thought, “i know my body might need to change, but i don’t know how to handle that without spiraling,” this episode is for you.

support beyond the podcast
 if you’re ready for more structured support, Recovery Skills Training is my step by step program for eating disorder recovery.

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Resources + Connect with Me:

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