In this episode, Alex Dorr explores a nuanced leadership question: why can high performers be difficult to lead? Drawing from conversations sparked by viral social content and years of Reality Based Leadership work, Alex distinguishes between high performance and high accountability—two traits that often overlap, but are not always the same.

He explains how strong performers can become challenging when they slip into righteousness, start judging others, or resist the responsibility to help elevate the team around them. Alex also unpacks how shifting workplace realities, evolving standards, and rapid change can expose whether someone is truly adaptable—or simply relying on past success. The episode ultimately challenges leaders to create cultures that support excellence without enabling drama, and to ensure their highest performers remain grounded in accountability, not just output.

00:00:00 — Introducing the question: why are high performers often difficult to lead?

00:02:24 — The important distinction between high performance and high accountability.

00:04:21 — Why the same workplace cannot satisfy both high-accountability and low-accountability mindsets.

00:05:45 — How some high performers become difficult when they step out of accountability.

00:07:10 — The danger of "judging the judges" and when top performers start creating drama.

00:10:00 — Why performance is increasingly becoming pass/fail in a changing, AI-shaped workplace.

00:12:15 — How yesterday's top performer can become average if they are not ready for what's next.

00:13:10 — High-accountability people get nervous when change is not happening.

00:14:30 — Why great performers want leaders to hold the standard, not lower it.

00:15:45 — Helping high performers lead with mentorship instead of judgment.

Follow Alex on social media: @alexmdorr

In this episode, Alex Dorr tackles a challenge that impacts nearly every workplace: disengagement. Prompted by sobering data that nearly 70% of employees feel disengaged at work, Alex unpacks why this happens—and more importantly, how to break the cycle. He reframes engagement as a personal choice, not just an organizational outcome, and challenges listeners to stop waiting for perfect conditions before leaning in.

Through practical frameworks and real-world examples, Alex explains how stress, change, and "unpreferred reality" tempt people to mentally check out. Instead of falling into complaint or avoidance, he introduces a more empowering path: finding the "space for impact"—the narrow but powerful place between current reality and what great could look like. The episode is packed with actionable tools to help individuals and teams re-engage, take ownership, and rediscover purpose in their work. Ultimately, this conversation is both a wake-up call and a roadmap: engagement isn't about circumstances—it's about how you choose to show up within them.

00:00:00 — Why this episode matters: addressing widespread disengagement at work.

00:02:00 — The reality of disengagement: Gallup data and the cost of employees mentally checking out.

00:05:30 — Engagement is a choice—even in difficult or imperfect environments.

00:08:45 — Where disengagement begins: stress, change, and "unpreferred reality."

00:10:30 — The trap of arguing with reality vs. taking responsibility for impact.

00:12:00 — Finding the "space for impact" between current reality and what great looks like.

00:14:30 — The "given that" framework: shifting from excuses to action.

00:18:30 — Editing your story: separating facts from assumptions to unlock clarity.

00:22:00 — Practical tools for teams: inside-the-box thinking and crowd-sourcing solutions.

00:25:00 — Shared accountability: what leaders and teams must both own to create engagement.

Many leaders struggle with giving freedom for their employees to do their best work, because they forget to provide some structure for them to work in.

In today's episode, Alex and Cy talk about leader's role in finding the balance between structure and play. In the conversation, they go into a key Reality-Based Leadership focus that all leaders need to have, is setting your nonnegotiable as a leader to then get people to buy into those. From there, people are allowed to bring their best self play in the workplace so to speak and create magic.

They also cover why it's so important to focus on this balance because too much structure and people believe we're over proceduralized. And they feel like they can't do any work and too much play, then it's really a free-for-all and innovation can't happen.

So the magic comes from just enough structure and then people are allowed to innovate and collaborate knowing they have the same basics, so this is a really, really important episode to setting the groundwork for good leadership and Cy and Alex can't wait to hear your thoughts.

When you come into a new leadership role, it's common for your ego to come out to play. In this case, fear took over the ability to move to action, stories overrode facts, victims and villains were alive and well. But when you can move beyond your ego and fear, and give yourself some compassion, it's amazing how well you will be able to lead.

With the frequent updates and changes to our daily lives because of COVID-19, I am sure many of you are feeling uncertain, scared, or just not sure how to lead at this time. I wanted to share some thoughts about how I'm trying to move through this rapidly changing and uncertain world at this time, and I hope it helps you in some way.

This week's Dear Cy letter is from someone leading a multi-disciplinary team that takes care of patients with chronic diseases. She isn't a nurse herself and believes that her team doesn't respect her as a leader because of it. She admits being conflict-averse and should have taken a more pro-active approach. Ultimately she wants to know how to hone her skills and put her ego aside to be a more effective leader.

Alex and Cy are answering a fan letter this week from a mom who writes about working hard to get a degree in early childhood education but then finds herself in a completely different role as a cook in the center where she is working. How she can find the opportunity in this role when she has worked so hard to obtain a career in teaching? We're going to talk about how your ego gets in the way and reframing this situation to grow where you are planted.

This week, I wanted to share a brief overview of the top 5 sources of drama at work that I found in my research. I know many of you have heard me talk about ego as a main source of drama, but did you know there are 4 other major contributors? Here's the great news: If we can understand these sources of drama, and work to manage them for ourselves and our teams, there's nothing that can stop you from producing amazing results and reaching your potential, not to mention living a happier and more peaceful life. I hope you enjoy listening in.

More info about the sources of drama in my book, No Ego. https://amzn.to/2vqHWIE

Today I'm doing a little something special. I'm sharing a keynote that will help you understand the why behind your stress & frustration at work, or why you don't get the results that you want. I also share the tools and techniques you can use immediately at work or at home. No matter if you are a leader or an individual contributor, this episode will help you find greater peace, happiness, and success in life.

Have a workplace drama question for me? Send me your "Dear Cy" letter here and it may be featured on an upcoming episode! 

This week Alex and I are diving into two fan letters where the ego really wants to take hold and be right. One letter deals with a person trying to get a co-worker to change their victim behaviors, lack of accountability and unwillingness to get on board. The second letter asks how they can deal with a new manager that is less experienced than they are. Tons of juicy content in this episode that you can't miss!

This week, we're back to answering fan letters! And this one is from a person who is in a complex, goal-oriented team that is frustrated by "unattainable" goals set by their boss, indicating that the team is also frustrated and unmotivated as a result. Said boss is also resistant to feedback and a poor communicator. Alex and I are going to deconstruct this letter and see if we can get down to the facts! Topics we'll cover: editing your story, leading with sympathy vs. empathy, shifting energy from "why we can't" to "how we could."

Find the tools we mentioned for free here: https://bit.ly/2NXrPJj

If you're a leader that is currently leading your team through change, transformation, innovation, and noticing that there is a lot of resistance concern or fear, this is the podcast for you.

Cy and Alex dive deep into what they call Business Readiness, which is their modern take on traditional change management. In short, change management has been the name of the game in leadership for years and in many ways still is, but Reality-Based Leadership is starting to see that it is not ready for the modern workplace. It is a model that responds to change.

It notices change happening and then starts to manage it, where Business Readiness is a forward, thinking, leaning in to ensure that people are ready, willing, and able to deliver on what the business needs. This shift and mindset will help you transform in the way which your team embraces and sees it as an opportunity to capitalize on it, so where change management focuses on change being least disruptive to the people, Business Readiness is a model that helps you ensure that change is least disruptive to your customers, your patients, and your organization.

Cy and Alex go back-and-forth on how this connects to resilience and how you can build resilience in your people and readiness in your systems in your organization. And this sweet spot is how to disruption-proof your workplace and ensure that it can handle whatever change comes its way. You don't want to miss any word in this podcast, so be sure to tune in.

The final episode in this Q&A series has more great workplace drama topics, including:

• how to have tough conversations with employees
• how to roll out the employee value equation with your team
• overcoming your fear of speaking up, especially when dealing with someone in power

Learn about our Certification Program. Our next class is on March 18-20, 2020! https://bit.ly/2KQDqYM

Season 3 of the Podcast starts Jan. 13, 2020! I'll be answering your in-depth "Dear Cy" letters. Submit your own letter here: https://bit.ly/35jTfiX

In the 3rd episode of this 4-part series, I'm sharing more of my Q&A with our Certified Facilitators. In today's episode, we're talking about how I use tools to manage people out of their ego's grip, including these tools:

- The Thinking-Inside-the-Box Tool to increase individual commitment and accountability
- The SBAR Tool to empower people to solve their own problems
- The Edit Your Story tool to move people out of venting

Learn about our Certification Program. Our next class is on March 18-20, 2020! https://bit.ly/2KQDqYM

I'd love to have you join me on the Ditch the Drama Tour! Get your tickets now: https://bit.ly/369jVTQ

I think you're going to love this exclusive 4-part Q&A session with our Certified Facilitators where I talk candidly about:

- the toggle switch concept, and why it's important for both leaders and employees

- how to effectively use self-reflection questions to bypass ego

- how leaders hinder accountability

- managing employees who vent and share unhelpful opinions

- how to create shared accountability in meetings

- why engagement has everything to do with us; not our circumstances.

Learn about our Certification Program: https://bit.ly/2KQDqYM

I've known Robb Holman for years and we're both out there speaking and training to change hearts and minds! I fell in love with Robb's first book, Lead the Way, which helps leaders self-reflect on their value from the inside, and now in his new book coming out this week, All In, he teaches us how to build trust, bring out the best in each other and proactively connect with our teams.

Learn more at GetAllInBook.com

Join me on the Ditch the Drama Tour: RealityBasedLeadership.com/DTD2020

Dr. Lynn Marie Morski is a quitting evangelist. She helps people quit strategically through her book, Quitting by Design, and her podcast, Quit Happens, along with speaking and coaching. I first heard her speak this year and was in love with her humorous presentation and her practical tips for quitting those things in our life that are holding us back from greater joy and peace. I especially loved creating the "no" list!

Buy her book at https://quittingbydesign.com/
Follow her on Instagram @quittingbydesign

I'm reposting this very special podcast that I recorded last year around Thanksgiving. As we are upon the holiday season in our country, I find myself reflecting on gratitude and what it means in my life. In this episode, I'm talking about my view of gratitude, how we can go beyond only being grateful what you agree with or are happy about, and learning how to move to a place beyond ego where you can find gratitude in all things.

Loving this podcast? Leave me a rating and a review! I'd be so grateful.

In this podcast, Cy and Alex discuss an important leadership concept they discovered while working on content for Alex's new book.

Traditional leadership advice often focuses on identifying the source of drama or conflict, and then applying a single tool to address it. However, Cy and Alex have found that the reality is often more complex - sometimes a sequence of tools is needed to help someone work through a barrier or frustration they're facing.

The framework they'll be covering is called the "Greatness Framework", and it involves three key steps: 1) Cleaning up - reflecting on the unpreferred reality or problem at hand, 2) Thinking - finding your space for impact, and 3) Taking the next right action.

The key insight is that you can't just talk someone through this process - it requires a more iterative, self-reflective approach using reality-based leadership tools. Cy and Alex believe this framework provides a practical way to apply the various leadership concepts they teach, in a structured sequence that helps people move towards "greatness." Tune in to learn more about this powerful new framework and how it can elevate your leadership abilities.

In this week's episode, I'm answering two fan questions about how to handle difficult employee situations, including coaching the difference between sharing feelings and venting, and getting people to focus on their own business and "stay in their lane."

Questions answered:

- What is the difference between sharing a feeling vs. venting?

-Do you have any tips on helping keep employees in their own lane?

Season 3 of the Podcast is coming! Submit a letter to me with your workplace drama questions and I may answer it on an upcoming show! https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

In our 4th and final episode in this series, Dr. Sasha Shillcutt and I are talking about how we as women tend to play small, minimize our successes and think, it's just too good to be true. The reality is that these thoughts are rooted in fear and scarcity, and we can all choose to move beyond this negative self-talk in order to achieve more joy in our lives.

We'd love it if you shared this series with all the women in your life!

Follow both of us @cywakeman and @become_brave_enough

Have a question for us? Submit it anonymously here: https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

I'm excited to introduce you to Safi Bahcall, a physicist, entrepreneur, and the bestselling author of Loonshots. Safi talks about the competing forces in a company that suddenly change from embracing wild new ideas to rigidly rejecting them. So many organizations are focused on culture, but Safi emphasizes the importance of small shifts in the structure of an organization that can have a radical breakthrough in group behavior.

Buy Loonshots: loonshots.com

Follow Safi @SafiBahcall

In our 3rd episode of this 4-part podcast series, Sasha Shillcutt and I are addressing another big thing that holds women back: our misconceptions around failure and how we can move on from it. We'll also talk about the limiting factors of internalizing failures without properly reflecting on them.

Follow Sasha @become_brave_enough

Have a question for us? Submit it anonymously here: https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

I asked for your questions about the philosophy a week or so ago and got over 100 responses! I'm answering 2 of them today with Alex Dorr, our VP of People Evolution.

"I don't always have 10 minutes to react without emotion. Sometimes I feel like I need 10 hours to respond with grace! However, a response is often needed in 10 seconds. How can I maneuver these 'right now' situations?" - Suzy Kraemer

"How can I coach the highly-engaged but low-accountable employee, especially when there is a group of them?" - Angela Feldkamp Beck

SBAR Tool: http://bit.ly/2InNWFQ

In episode #2 of this 4-part series on limiting beliefs that hold women back, Sasha Shillcut and I are discussing preconceived notions we have of women around us, comparison, competition and stereotypes and the toxic roles they play in our relationships. We'll cover breaking down the stories we tell ourselves so that we can separate the drama and misery from peace and joy.

Follow Sasha @become_brave_enough

Have a question for us? Submit it anonymously here: https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

Alex Dorr (VP of People Evolution and Speaker/Trainer with RBL) and I are riffing on a bunch of great topics around change today that we commonly hear or see on the road. Topics we cover include:

- How to handle change fatigue

- Why we resist change and how to develop resilience

- Why standardization is your friend

- What's yours and what is the organization's when it comes to decisions

Follow Alex @alexmdorr and listen to his podcast, The Carvery: http://bit.ly/alexdorr

Ladies, I'm so excited to share this series with you, posting every Wednesday for the next 4 weeks. Dr. Sasha Shillcut and I are going to be breaking down the most common limiting beliefs that hold women back and ultimately limit our success and happiness. This week we're going to tackle a major thought distortion we all struggle with: All or nothing thinking! We'll also talk about how perfectionism keeps us from doing brave new things.

Follow Sasha @become_brave_enough

Have a question for us? Submit it anonymously here: https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

In this episode, Cy and Alex talk about activating the silent majority at work. Alex and Cy share how they are noticing a trend where leaders are getting a wrong read of the room, and they think they have more resistance than is actually there on their team.

Too often the loudest small minority of those focused on why we can't or why we shouldn't have to, get to dominate the entire conversation in a meeting, and the rest stays silent and doesn't jump in to add their input or perspective.

There are so many challenges in this that affects our teams, and leaders have many levers that they can pull in these situations that can be more helpful. In this episode, Alex and Cy share several techniques and ways that you can turn down the volume of those loud minority resistors, and turn up the volume of your silent majority that has a lot to say, but they are not participating.

In this episode, you'll learn about a powerful, practical tool called negative brainstorming, and how it activates the silent majority to improve dialogue and discussion in meetings and gives better feedback and data to those that might be in the loud minority.

Also, you'll learn that in this can be some compassion for those that are the loud resistors and why that's important. We also talk about that the dog bites and what that means we also talk about how sometimes these tools fall flat, but they are still successful, and we discuss why.

And lastly, we talk about the importance of taking verbal dialogue of that loud minority that's in resistance and moving it towards visual tools to bring in your silent majority. This episode is action packed, and it really can change everything about your team if you're struggling without changing anything. This is an effortless way to evolve your leadership, and we can't wait to hear what you think about this episode.

Meet one of my favorite people: Maren Showkeir, a fellow author, teacher, yogini, and editor of my book, No Ego. She and I are so aligned in our philosophies on life and work - especially when it comes to accountability, ditching the victim mindset, how we cause our own suffering and getting intentional about how we show up at work and in our personal lives.

This conversation will motivate you to tune into your intentions and light a fire under your commitment to practice it daily.

Books:

Yoga Wisdom at Work: https://amzn.to/2kemykJ

Authentic Conversations: https://amzn.to/2kGLmlF

I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a comment and a review!

This week I'm sharing a special pre-recorded interview with Paycom's HR Break Room at the SHRM 2019 Annual Conference. Our topic is how HR can lead cultural change. Some things we discuss are: Why I think HR has traditionally fueled drama, what we can learn from Millennials about pushing for and embracing change, how we can get our teams to embrace new technology, and how we can create a culture that is nimble and ready for what's next.

Loving this podcast? Leave me a review and share your thoughts with me in the comments.

This is a special episode with a great friend of mine in the HR world, Sarah Morgan. I've been following along with her podcast, blog and #BlackBlogsMatter Challenge for a while now and am always impressed with how she is working to evolve HR practitioners and workplaces everywhere. The topic of our conversation today is about a blog she wrote: "What's in an Ally?" where she talks about the 5 things that really make you an ally at work and how to talk about tough issues surrounding diversity and inclusion.

Blog: https://bit.ly/2k25yOG

Book: We Can't Talk About That at Work: https://amzn.to/2kgevnK

Book: Me and White Supremacy: https://amzn.to/2kgeEaM

Follow Sarah @thebuzzonhr

My guest this week is Tayo Rockson, a storyteller, cultural translator, and brand strategist for change-makers on a mission to use his difference to make a difference. Our conversation today has me reflecting on how we can make better cross-cultural connections, focus not on our intentions, but our impact, and live with radical self-awareness as we seek to better understand the world around us.

Follow Tayo everywhere on social @tayorockson

Pre-Order Tayo's book coming out Sept 4: Use Your Difference to Make a Difference https://amzn.to/33UPDDJ

We've all been in meetings that go astray or are unproductive, and leave us completely frustrated. In today's episode, I'm answering a couple more questions from you about this very topic! I'll be sharing my best tips and tools to make your meetings go smoothly and keep drama out of it, whether you are leading it, or simply a participant.

Think Inside the Box Tool: https://bit.ly/2YyPAgZ

More Free Tools: https://bit.ly/2OeedMg

Loving this podcast? I'd love to hear from you! Leave me a rating and a review!

Kristen Hadeed founded Student Maid in college with zero knowledge about leadership or running a company. Along the way, she has uncovered some pretty awesome truths about how to build teams and workplaces that are engaged and create results. Kristen's company is more than just about cleaning toilets, it's about building the future generation of leaders. Listen in as she talks about authenticity, limiting beliefs and giving herself permission to screw up.

Learn more at kristenhadeed.com

Follow me everywhere @cywakeman

My guest this week is on a quest to create 100 million deep listeners, and he just converted one more in me! Oscar Trimboli, an author and keynote speaker, has some incredibly practical tips for becoming a better listener. You'll also learn about the top myths of listening and the 4 villains of listening. Find out which deep listening crimes you are committing!

Learn more at ListeningMyths.com

Loving this podcast? Leave me a rating and a review!

In today's episode, Alex and Cy talk about a pattern they're seeing out there that is really hurting leaders, creating conflict and burning them out. It's that they are over managing and under leading, and this is a sign of leaders being a little under-skilled to handle some challenges in their current reality. In that, Cy and Alex, talk about a simple, but very powerful concept to support leaders and making sure they're not over managing and under leading called goals, roles, and procedures.

And a big breakthrough for all listeners, is that as a leader, if you're clear on goals, clear on roles, then brace yourself you don't have to get so involved in procedures and execution, and in the weeds and jumping into fix and firefighting, so this is a really important concept to decrease conflict on your team, increase clarity and also empower everyone to fully step into their roles, even in times of change.

So Cy and Alex dive deep into how leaders can figure out are they part of the what, as far as strategy or what we're trying to do and or whether they're supposed to be into the how in the execution to deliver on that what. Cy and Alex discuss many ways that leaders are consistently getting into control and doing too much, and then they're leaving their teams believing they're the victims and this is how they can rise up evolve and really call their teams to greatness.

This episode packs a punch and will give you tons of clarity to improve your leadership of your team for the rest of the year Be sure to share this episode with all of your team members and discuss your biggest insight or takeaway.

In my personal life, I discovered 3 questions that literally changed my life. When I used them in the workplace, I realized it had a major impact on reducing suffering and stress on my teams, and increasing productivity, creativity, teamwork, and happiness.

We all have an ego that distorts our view of reality and leads us down the wrong path unless we are aware of it and have the tools to move us into our high selves. These 3 questions are just the tools you need to free you from your ego so you can move on to have impact in this world.

Enjoying this podcast? Please leave me a rating and a review!

On today's episode, I'm answering some of YOUR questions about how to succeed in spite of changes and stress at work.

1. My team gets stressed at work when someone else makes a mistake. How can I reduce their suffering and get them helping, instead of judging?

2. We are moving into a new space within the year and there is a lot of turmoil and drama on the team. How can I get them to see the new opportunities instead of the negative?

Have a question you'd like me to answer? Submit it here: https://bit.ly/2Pc9LKa

You're in for a treat with today's guest: Meliessa Ogrodowski, HR pro and Director of Learning and Development at Craft Brew Alliance. She shares a behind-the-scenes look at how she built a learning and talent development culture from the ground up at CBA, using RBL philosophy as the foundation. In doing so, they transformed their hiring process, performance reviews and appraisals, employee survey, and so much more. You'll be blown away by their amazing results!

Learn more about our Train the Trainer Certification program: https://bit.ly/2UPHpMm

Today my guest is Martha Bird, a Business Anthropologist with ADP. She and I are talking all about how we can use the discipline of anthropology to evolve and transform the way we work, our technology and products with curiosity and seeing the world through the lenses of others.

Find Martha on social @anthro_tweeter

Follow me everywhere @cywakeman

Loving this podcast? I'd love your feedback! Please leave me a review and a rating!

This week, Alex Dorr finally pinned me down to talk about feedback in the workplace! He was able to pull out some of my best stories on the subject, which I'm confident will keep you entertained and learning how the ego can easily interfere in these conversations. Many fear giving and receiving feedback, but when it's based in reality - there's nothing to fear. This podcast is great for leaders and individual contributors alike!

Loving this podcast? Leave me a review and a rating! I'd love to hear from you!

Follow me everywhere @cywakeman

Follow Alex Dorr @alexmdorr