In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how to teach girls that it is the pursuit of fulfillment that leads to excellence and also learn how to become aware of their intrinsic motivation. Also included is how being so future-directed (doing things because it looks good on college applications and to be accepted someday into a top college) causes kids to lose playing sports for the love of the game and learning for learning’s sake.
My favorite books on finding your calling:
Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living: Tim Jordan
Dark Horse: Todd Rose
The Element and Finding Your Element: Ken Robinson
The Talent Code: Daniel Coyle
Range: David Epstein
Callings: Dave Isay
Originals: Adam Grant
Everyday Greatness: Stephen Covey
The Soul’s Code: James Hillman

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In this new podcast Dr. Jordan describes how damaging labels are for kids and how to reframe behaviors into positives. Some labels discussed are being bossy, too shy or sensitive, perfectionists, weird, depressed, losing it, lazy, and socially awkward.Previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:Ghosts in the nurseryAre you an “unreasonable” parent? Perhaps there is a ghost in your nurseryThe most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”To send ideas for future podcasts, email me at anne@drtimjordan.com
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Using stories from Fredrik Backman’s new book, My Friends, Dr. Jordan helps listeners get below the surface and into the hearts of how kids feel who are different, lonely, hurting, or experiencing traumas.Fredrik Backman’s new book: My Friends: A NovelDr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link: Join Our Community:https://www.facebook.com/DrTimJordanhttps://www.instagram.com/drtimjordan/https://www.linkedin.com/in/tim-jordan-md-79799120b/


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 There are tons of life’s clues scattered along your journey that reveal the way towards achieving happiness. And sometimes, they are found not in the adult’s way of life but in the simple stories of children. Tim Jordan, MD chats with Angela Santomero, co-creator of the show Blue’s Clues, who shares how adults can learn from observing and gathering clues from the lives of children. She explains how writing for kids for many years taught her about the importance of taking short pauses and how to avoid becoming shadow artists. Angela also explains the right approach to self-care as an adult and what can be learned from children in this regard.

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Being young should be the time for freedom, fun, and self-exploration. Unfortunately, in today’s competitive environment, kids as young as grade schoolers already worry about their futures. Tim Jordan, MD has seen this during a father-daughter retreat, where young girls show how they already feel the pressures of having a life mapped out. As parents, what should you do? How can you guide your daughters to a fulfilling life? In this episode, Tim gives some advice on how you can support your daughters as they navigate this crucial time in their lives. With stories and insights from remarkable people as well as resources you can use, Tim equips you with the tools to help your daughters as they figure out who they are. Tune in and get the guidance you need to mold our future generation of strong women charging towards their calling!
For more in-depth information about helping your daughters find their calling and trust themselves to zigzag their way to it, read these four books:

• Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living, by Tim Jordan M.D.
• Range, by David Epstein
• Dark Horse: Achieving Success Through the Pursuit of Fulfillment, by Todd Rose
• Finding Your Element, by Sir Ken Robinson

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If you’ve ever been bullied in your childhood, you’d know just what a quagmire the hallways of middle school are for kids. No matter how much you want to protect your daughter, there is simply no way to prevent bullying incidents from happening. How do you bully-proof your daughter? The answer has surprisingly little to do with the bullies themselves. In this episode, Tim Jordan, MD, teaches us a few tricks to help our daughters cope with bullying by not letting words hurt them, being in charge of their own feelings, and not letting anyone take away their power. Dr. Jordan shares a few ways to instill this to your daughter in a language that they can understand. There is so much to learn from this episode. Tune in!

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Show Notes: Digital wellness expert Dawn Wible discusses programs for keeping kids safe on their devices and social media. Dawn shares who is most vulnerable to the harmful effects of devices and social media, including information about the immature adolescent brain. Dawn talks about the areas in our lives that are deeply affected by our screens and what we can do to move toward healthy and safer habits - digital flourishing vs. addiction.   Dr. Jordan and Dawn go into monitors and filters she recommends, online safety talks with kids/teens, and strategies to "delay" smartphone and social media until later. They also talk about when kids are ready to start using a phone and what kinds of devices to start them with.   Dawn discusses the resource Bark to help parents with monitoring, managing screen time, blocking websites, and track location. She also shares her thoughts on how to do check-ins and hold kids responsible to agreements about usage.   How to contact Dawn Wible and access her resources: https://www.talkmoretechless.com   Bark phones and monitoring Contact Dr. Jordan at https://drtimjordan.com  

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Show Notes: Mariana Alessandri, author of Night Vision, discusses the need to normalize all of our emotions and to educate girls to listen to what they have to teach us. Learn all the ways our culture has conditioned us to be ashamed of our feelings, that it means that we are broken and lazy and weak, and that they need to be diagnosed and medicated. The author discusses the need to listen to those in pain and not jump to advice or cheering them up; instead to allow them to feel as long as they need to and in their own way and in their own timeline. Sharing our feelings with others can trigger empathy, compassion, and connection with others. We realize we’re not alone or crazy and that others can understand and relate. Mariana Alessandri discusses the need for girls and women to feel and express anger, and to understand what anger is telling us about us, our situation, and what action needs to be taken. Girls can learn a lot by feeling, embracing, and listening to their anxiety. We discuss why kid’s anxiety should be expected due to all of the problems in the world. Girl who follow their own lead and gut and create their own path in life tend to experience anxiety and uncertainty; the price of freedom is uncertainty and anxiety! Dark moods give us access to connection, compassion, love, creativity, justice, motivation, and self-knowledge; we will carry grief forever and that’s normal and okay. Misery loves company, so use it to find one another who can relate. How to contact author Mariana Alessandri: https://www.marianaalessandri.com https://www.instagram.com/mariana.alessandri/  https://www.marianaalessandri.com/newsletter Her book: Night Vision: Seeing Ourselves Through Dark Moods Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com  

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Show Notes: Gynecologist Dr. Maggie Abraham discusses how to educate girls about the physical changes from puberty and about menstruation management. Dr. Maggie Abraham is a board-certified OB-GYN with subspecialty training in pediatric and adolescent gynecology. She shares her expertise about educating girls about their bodies. Learn about when to start conversations about the upcoming changes that puberty will bring, including weight gain and body changes. Learn about how to educate your daughter about menstruation, including its purpose and also about abnormal periods (excessive pain or bleeding) and possible hormonal therapy. Dr. Abraham also discusses the kind of counseling girls need in regard to sex education For more great information about Dr. Abraham and her programs for girls, go to https://thegynspace.com

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Show Notes: Girls often respond to toxic friends with tend & befriend behaviors instead of moving on for fear of being alone. Dr. Jordan describes how important friends are for girls and their fear of losing them if they confront them about being mistreated, even to the point of putting up with abuse, Girls haven’t learned the skills for handling conflicts directly and so their emotions get pushed below the surface  pushed & fester. These feelings then leak out as drama and relationship aggressions. Listen in to learn how the wiring of the female brain predisposes females to want to connect, avoid conflict, and maintain social harmony. Since prehistoric times, close bonds and being a part of a group meant you had a much better chance of survival; being left out meant death! Dr. Jordan discusses how female’s primary response to stress and fearful situations is not fight or flight, it’s tend and befriend. Girls thus prefer to fix their relationships as opposed to ending them. “Good Girl “conditioning makes it harder for girls to confront others, speak their truth with authority, and know their needs are important too. Some girls hang onto toxic friends because they feel responsible for their friend’s mental health and fear their friend will go down the tubes if they move on from the friendship. Many girls are desperate to be included in the more popular group and thus willing to be abused by them. It feels good to be noticed, popular, and have a sense of belonging even if your aren’t treated well. Don’t push daughter to dump toxic friends.  Listen to her story & feelings, ask what she wants to do, role play setting boundaries, let her know you understand her fear of losing group. She will be more open to hearing your feedback and suggestions if she first feels heard and understood. For more info on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth/leadership development weekend retreats and summer camps as well as his school program, Strong Girls, Strong World, go to his website at drtimjordan.com Check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need for a deeper dive into understanding your daughter’s friendship issues and how to support her.  

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Show Notes: Health coach Marnie Dachis Marmet discusses the many ways girls & parents can practice regular self-care, including sleep, nutrition, yoga, and mindfulness. Marnie shares the reasons why teens and adults don’t take the time to practice regular self-care. Learn the many health and mental health benefits of yoga Learn about some invaluable self-care habits girls can incorporate into their lives, including: sleep, nutrition, exercise, coping skills to manage stress, screen time balance, maintaining healthy relationships, and mindfulness tools Dr. Jordan and Marnie discuss how to encourage teens to develop the discipline to practice these habits on a regular basis. Contact Marnie Dachis Marmet: https://zenfullifecoaching.com Check out Marnie’s new book,  “My Song Unleashed.”  Read this article on the 9 benefits of yoga, John Hopkins medicine Check out resources for teens and parents at Dr. Jordan’s website, https://drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes: The most beneficial diet for adolescent girls includes social-emotional and mental health items, not calories. Perhaps there is a different, healthier kind of diet plan that would better suit the developmental and social-emotional needs of girls in grade school on up. Here are some items girls may want to consider giving up = mental health diet Fitting in Move on from toxic friends Non-verbal relationship aggressions Caring what other people think Talking about others behind their backs & spreading rumors Good Girl conditioning Comparing themselves to peers and online people Restricting social media Old, negative beliefs about themselves Catching themselves when ruminating & switching their thoughts Making decisions based on pleasing or not disappointing others Let go of all the excuses for why they don’t practice regular self-care Instead of focusing on dieting to look hot in their bathing suit this school year, girls would do better to let go of the unhealthy patterns in the 12 points above. They would feel more content, confident, relaxed, fulfilled, powerful, and happy. Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on keeping the end in mind & putting first things first Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on The spiral of beliefs & reframing negative beliefs about yourself  

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Show Notes: The book, The Soul’s Code, offers a way to see thru children’s misbehaviors for the deeper meaning behind them, i.e., see the oak tree when all you have in front of you is an acorn. Too many kids get mislabeled & misdiagnosed because our lens is so short-term oriented; also the medical & psychological communities are so pathology & negative & deficit focused. Children’s behaviors reveal something positive about the child, instead of seeing developmental problems, look for the beauty & meaning in what you see and then love and accept your kids for who they are. Dr. Jordan shares many stories of his patients and eminent people to illustrate how an important part of our job as parents is to create an environment for children’s soul and destiny to flourish. This includes stories about Gandhi, Picasso, pioneering geneticist Barbara McClintock, Woody Allen, Painter Benjamin West, architect Frank Lloyd Wright, climber Sir Edmund Hillary, primatologists Jane Goodall and Brute Mary Galdikas, and actress Betty Davis. Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the Dot Theory Link to the book, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling,  by James Hillman For more info on Dr. Jordan’s books and camps and programs, go to www.drtimjordan.com  

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Listen in to Dr. Jordan’s new podcast describing the effects of past friendship dramas on girls and how to find loyal, inclusive, mature friends that they deserve. This  includes creating a list of qualities of a BFF and finding peers who match her list, and how to show up as your authentic self to attract friends who love the real you. Resources: Previous Dr. Jordan podcast on girl’s friendships: Why Girls Refuse to Move On From Toxic FriendsDr. Jordan’s book on adolescent girls: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls contains lots of information about girl’s friendships To send ideas for future podcasts or to send comments, email me at anne@drtimjordan.com


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Business meetings are designed to help businesses run more effectively. So, why shouldn’t families use family meetings in the same way to be better?
Running weekly family meetings results in more closeness, increased cooperation, kids who feel empowered & heard, & kids learning many crucial life skills.
Here are some of the main intentions for running family meetings:

• All have a voice, feel heard & understood & important
• Advocate & get in other’s shoes = develop more empathy, perspective
• Create win-win agreements: ensures greater cooperation, easier to follow thru
• Learn problem-solving & brainstorming skills
• Handle sibling rivalry. Kids take responsibility for their conflicts
• Learn leadership skills

Guidelines for running family meetings: go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com to get my list of 12 guidelines for running family meetings.
Some of the results of family meetings:

• Kids take on more responsibility
• Agreements/accountability model vs. rules/punishments
• Proactive approach, stay on top of things, less reactive, more peaceful home
• Eliminate nagging, reminding, rehashing, yelling, threatening to take things away, and annoying sticker systems = stop manipulating kids with a carrot-stick approach.
• Kids feel heard, empowered, valuable, confident, close, and relaxed
• Blended families: makes it easier for step-parents to be able to be involved in disciplining their step-kids

Dr. Jordan’s website: www.drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes: Women don’t scream or fight back during sexual assaults and rapes due to protective brain responses and cultural conditioning. In this podcast, listen to the recent story of how World Cup soccer player Jenni Hermoso was forcibly kissed by soccer federation president Luis Rubiales and how this experience mirrors so many other times when girls and women have had their boundaries crossed. Learn the sobering statistics of how few rape cases are reported, prosecuted, and convicted and why this is so. Understand how the brain changes how it is encoding memories during sexual assaults which creates gaps in women’s memories of the assault. Learn how quickly stress hormones are released by the brain during assaults and how these impair the prefrontal cortex and its ability to reason. Learn the brain and evolutionary reasons why women respond to terror and assaults by primitive brain responses such as freezing, tonic immobility, and dissociation. if the fear circuitry perceives escape as impossible and resistance as futile, then not fight or flight, but extreme survival reflexes (which scientists call “animal defense responses”) will take over to try to protect women. Women’s body’s are literally paralyzed by fear, thus making them unable to move, run, speak, or cry out. Women don’t cry out because Broca’s area of the brain, our speech center, shuts down as a way to not draw attention to them; thus, women are literally scared speechless. Dr. Jordan shares ways we need to approach girls and women who have been sexually assaulted or raped to make them feel safe, heard, understood, and supported. This will require education police officers, any first responders, ER staff, doctors and nurses, teachers, and parents. Good resources for further information on this topic: Know My Name by Chanel Miller Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town, by Jon Krakauer Spanish soccer player Jenni Hermosa kissed by federation president Luis Rubiales What people misunderstand about rape article: NY Times, 8-22-23 Jen Percy  

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  SHOW NOTES:  Dr. Jordan many reasons why kids engage us in power struggles including: feel disconnected from distracted parents, intense & powerful temperament, autocratic parenting style, being tired or hangry or overstimulated, pushed to conform to other’s expectations Learn also the need for parents to understand why their child might trigger them to get angry and engaged in these conflicts, including old issues/feelings from our paths

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Show Notes: Learn how to handle calls from homesick college freshmen to empower them to learn how to cope, problem-solve, and grow in confidence. Many parents have been guilty of doing too much for their daughters prior to launching them off to college: solving problems, advocating, rescuing, not allowing her to make mistakes or suffer, wanting her to be happy always This results in girls never learning coping skills, how to handle the normal ups & downs of life, face adversity & struggle thru it to overcome obstacles and gain confidence; they lack the confidence to face adversity and handle it because they weren’t allowed to growing up. Dr. Jordan describes a typical call from a homesick college freshman. He shares how to listen, mirror, normalize and validate their feelings, and then how to turn over the problem-solving to them. Learn some helpful phrases to turn problems back over to them to solve such as: “So, what will you do?” “What have you tried?” “What could you do different?” “How could you approach the problem in a different way?” “What have you done in the past when you felt stuck like this?” “You might want to take a break, calm down, & then come back and try again.” Ask who they could reach out to for support and encourage them to use whatever coping strategies have worked in the past: journal, art, music, poetry, letters, nature, exercise, join a club to meet people like did in HS. Dr. Jordan also discusses how to handle the issues of whether or not to have them come home and also how to set boundaries about phone calls home. For a good read for your high school or college aged daughter, use this link to have them find and read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living Here’s the link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with 4 high school seniors discussing why they are afraid to grow up.  

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Show Notes: Dr. Jordan discusses how girls can reframe past experiences & scars into healthy stories Dr. Jordan describes an exercise he did with his high school campers where they visualized any scars they carry, physical or emotional, from past experiences & which carried strong emotions. The girls then painted something positive and beautiful over their scars where previously they’d seen only brokenness or pain or bad memories. Listen to the stories of the kinds of scars girls carry and the harmful effects on them. Learn some of the ways that Dr. Jordan helped these girls look at their scars in a different light: reframe past negative beliefs with his spiral of beliefs process; visualization of passing shame back to the person who deserves it, not you; journaling your story & what you want to let go of; write a letter to the person who hurt you & then burn it; link to Dr. Jordan’s teaching kids to forgive and move on podcast Journaling about the lessons and gifts you received from the past trauma and scars: learn about Kintsugi, the Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with gold to represent the idea that beauty can be found in imperfection. Dr. Jordan also discusses the “steeling effect” of exposure to some hardship steels us against impact of future ones. Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with author Meg Jay (Meg Jay podcast: How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity Click on this link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the above-mentioned process of “the spiral of beliefs” For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes: Creating a lot of down time at our camp allows kids to take initiative & create their own fun and games. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how seldom kids get to experience unsupervised down time where they can take initiative and create their own fun. Dr. Jordan describes the game Snake Pit which his campers created several years ago and how it has evolved with each new week of campers. Older generations were allowed as kids to have much more unsupervised down time where they were left to their own devices to generate their own fun. Learn the many invaluable lessons we learned from having this down time such as street smarts, taking initiative, self-responsibility, and taking responsibility for our boredom. Dr. Jordan also describes the value and benefits from allowing kids to daydream and be bored. Daydreaming and boredom is when our brain is most relaxed & the usual filters are off; this allows moments of greatest creativity, self-awareness, insight, and problem-solving. When we have a choice as to how to fill our empty space, we fill it with our passions, many of which are creative: writers, musicians, designers, and artists often do their best work and get their new creative ideas from moments of being bored. So, when your child says, “Dad, I’m bored” & they want you to take responsibility for it, ask this questions, “So, what will you do?” brainstorm ideas, buy supplies, and turn them loose. Don’t overschedule every moment of their lives; create more down time like we do at Camp Weloki. You’ll be amazed at what kids will create when left to their own devices w/o adult meddling. Check out Dr. Jordan’s weeklong summer camps and weekend retreats at: www.campweloki.com      

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Forgiveness is an internal process that sets you free from negative feelings & thoughts, opening you up for love and happiness. Show Notes: BENEFITs of practicing forgiveness Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders. Stress relief is probably the chief factor connecting forgiveness and well-being.  Harmful effects of not forgiving Not forgiving results in worse mental and physical health, and economic, social and spiritual problems. When kids are wronged and don’t forgive, they remain “stuck” in the traumatic situation when they felt victimized. Every time they recall the hurtful event, they re-experience their stress response. How do we teach kids about forgiveness? Become aware of the costs to you Forgiveness is for you; it's letting go of any feelings you've allowed the other person to bring up in you. Forgiving others opens up space for growth, happiness, and closeness. Teach kids to be in charge of their feelings and reactions to experiences and other people. Use the tomato word tool and the "I'm an ass, you're an ass" tool to not give their power away.  Learn to come from understanding vs. judgement. Replace (-) emotions with empathy, sympathy,  understanding, compassion, and love. Contact Dr. Jordan: https://drtimjordan.com  

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Show Notes: The following are 5 ways we are sucking the heart and soul out of our children’s lives and with great cost: 1.   Lack of down time for unsupervised, self-directed play: kids need the freedom to explore and take things apart and play with ideas. This also requires enough down time for kids to be bored, daydream and really get into the flow of their creative processes. 2.   We don’t value the arts: We need to give artists, dancers, musicians, budding actors, and teachers the same amount of financial and emotional support as you give kids in sports. 3.   Kids have lost their love of learning: Kids learn to just play the ‘game of school’ and give adults what they want, but they lose their motivation and love of learning in the process. 4.   There is too much focus on external motivators: Teens and adults who are driven by internals like being of service and making a difference are happier, more fulfilled, and have richer relationships. Be very careful with what you focus on. 5.   Kids have lost the joy of playing sports for the love of the game: Too much emphasis on competition, winning, and achieving college scholarships has drained the love of the game out of youth sports.   What kids need: 1.   More unsupervised down time for kids to follow their own interests and passions & learn thru play 2.   Put as much value and encouragement into activities your kids are into like art, music, theater; let go of the fear they’ll never make $ doing it. 3.   Parents & the educational system let go of pressuring kids to all achieve straight A’s and to pad their resumes & do activities b/c it looks good on their college app; teach in a way that kids see the meaning in what they are studying; allow time for kids to pursue their own interests for the love of learning; autonomy, engagement, mastery 4.   Playing for plays sake: focus on playing for the love of the game vs. winning or getting a college scholarship Resources:   Listen to a previous podcast by Dr. Jordan on How youth sports are negatively affecting our daughters     A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink Out of Our Minds: learning to be creative, by Ken Robinson The High Price of Materialism (http://www.amazon.com/The-High-Price-Materialism-Kasser by Tim Kasser

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Show Notes: Using her book, Cassandra Speaks, author Elizabeth Lesser describes how our human stories and our views of women would change if women were the storytellers. Elizabeth Lesser describes the mythological story of Cassandra where the god Zeus punished her with the gift of clairvoyance but the curse of no one listening to her or believing her thoughts. This story depicts how our culture still mistrusts and devalues girls and women’s intuition and perspectives. Dr. Jordan and the author discuss what story Eve would have told about picking the apple and about her journey after leaving the garden and what lessons humanity have learned from her story. This podcast discusses the need to redefine courage, power, and leadership vs. make women and girls change to fit the old, masculine model. Elizabeth Lesser describes the imposter syndrome and how it relates to how women doubt and devalue themselves. Learn about what the author means by the need to start valuing and affirming “first, first responders”. Learn also how repressing girl’s anger resurfaces as relationship aggressions and mean girl drama. Link to Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes Read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead for more information on empowering our girls.

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Show Notes: Dr. Jordan interviews 4 young adult women about the lingering social & academic effects from covid. Questions discussed in this interview: What grade were you in when covid hit & you had to go virtual? What did you like, dislike about virtual learning? What was it like for you socially when you 1st returned to in-person school? Any lingering effects socially from your covid experience? Still social awkwardness among peers? Anxiety? What did you learn about yourself? Any gifts from the experience? Describe what you learned about coping with adversity & uncertainty from covid and any strengths you discovered that you didn’t know you had. What advice would you give to parents about supporting their kids academically and socially with the lingering effects of covid in mind? For a deeper understanding of girl’s social and emotional lives, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course,  Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.  

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This new podcast will help you get your daughter off to a great start to the school year by maximizing her study space, teaching her about the 3 factors needed for optimal breaks, and avoiding procrastination and multitasking. You’ll also learn the rationale behind why phones and devices need to be absent from her study space.Related resources:Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast, How To Be Happy, Successful, And Mindful While Getting It All Done With Laura Mae Martinideas on creating a good study space: David Smith, CEO of Silicon Valley High SchoolDaniel Pink book: When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing7 Ways to beat procrastination: Dan Pink video:How multitasking hurts your brain article:Send questions for Dr. Jordan to answer on his next podcast to  anne@drtimjordan.comDr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:
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Show Notes: Girls need to decide what success & having it all means for them, & to develop the following qualities to achieve a fulfilling life. The following are key ingredients for achieving success: Create your own end in mind, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on beginning with the end in mind Autonomy creates engagement which then develops mastery The pursuit of fulfillment will lead them to success, not the other way around Being allowed to solve your own problems and overcome obstacles and challenges helps girls to develop grit, resiliency, and self-efficacy which in turn creates more optimism and hopefulness Learn to trust and follow your intuition, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on teaching girls to make better decisions Teach girls that most successful adults zig-zagged their way to their calling and success, they didn’t go in a straight line at 18 years directly to their calling Learn to cope with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and uncertainty, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on Sunday Scaries & Trigger Warnings Be willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn, and retry Retain your curiosity, love of learning, and creativity Embrace your feminine energies and leadership qualities; Instead of making girls change to fit our masculine leadership paradigm, change the way we all see power & leadership Value people skills and interpersonal effectiveness such as collaboration, resolve conflicts, negotiate, communicate ideas effectively, know your strengths/weaknesses, win-win, sell yourself Focus on more internal, intrinsic values like being of service and doing meaningful work vs. externals like becoming rich and famous Be in charge of what “having it all” means for you For great ideas about how to empower your daughter, check out Dr. Jordan’s book: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead For more information on all of Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and school programs, visit www.drtimjordan.com  

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Show Notes: Learn the truth about Sunday scaries & trigger warnings as well as how to prevent & manage them. The Sunday scaries are nagging feelings of nervousness and anxiety that creep up on people as the weekend winds down and the new work week approaches; it’s about the anxiety & dread about returning to work on Monday Learn how to zoom out of your life and figure out specifically what is causing your anxiety on Sunday and that will direct you to where you need to do some work. Dr. Jordan discusses the roles that rumination and not dealing with everyday emotions plays in causing the Sunday scaries. Learn ways to manage and prevent beginning of the week anxieties: - Creating a practical intention on Sundays for the week ahead can help us navigate workplace stressors more effectively -Stop multitasking: more mistakes, work takes longer which creates more stress -Change attitude from have-to to want to or get to: feel more autonomy, in control -Focus on gratitude -Work out conflicts with co-workers if that’s what you dread -Find work you love to do: ask to be switched to job or role that appeals to you; start working towards starting a new career or new job, do research = creates energy -Focus on picking up skills that will make you more marketable and add to your identity capitol -Focus on your truth: work week ends up being fine once you get there & get to work Express emotions regularly so they don’t build up to overwhelm and leak out as anxiety Links to good articles on the Sunday scaries:   Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health How to ward off the Sunday scaries: CNN.com How to beat the Sunday Scaries: Headspace Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health,   Science behind Sunday scaries: 1-14-23 MI Blues Perspective Trigger warnings: “Content warnings” or “trigger warnings” refer to verbal or written alerts that assigned material, including academic writing or artistic expression, may involve sensitive or upsetting themes or details that may cause a student to have an emotional response tied to a personal experience. Topics may include: sexual assault, domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, child abuse, racial hate crimes, transphobic violence, homophobic harassment, xenophobia Dr. Jordan investigates the questions: Do trigger warnings work to decrease anxiety & help people manage their traumas? Do they help trauma survivors emotionally prepare to engage with difficult material?  Learn the difference between anticipatory vs. response anxiety: In a large study, trigger warnings didn’t meaningfully reduce the amount of distress students felt in the face of potentially disturbing content, such as graphic depictions of rape or violence, nor did they nudge students to avoid this material entirely. This held true for people with and without a history of trauma. Warnings did, however, increase the amount of anxiety students felt before experiencing the material in question= anticipatory anxiety Studies found substantial evidence that trigger warnings reinforce survivors’ view of their trauma as central to their identity; People who view trauma as a core part of their identity have worse symptoms The encouraging growth of studies has begun to converge on the consensus that trigger warnings are not typically helpful in reducing anxiety. This finding has been consistent across various types of trigger warnings and types of potentially triggering content Dr. Jordan discusses the need for parents to help kids learn to deal with being uncomfortable and with uncertainty, as well as learn to advocate for themselves so that they can take care of their emotions and needs in college.  Links to articles on trigger warnings: My podcast with HS seniors about why they are so afraid to grow up Do trigger warnings help or hurt: Wall street J. 2-10-23 Harm from trigger warnings: Little effect of trigger warnings on individuals with trauma histories: 6-1-20 Sage Journals

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  Show Notes: Listen to author Ginny Luther’s story about learning how to raise her independent-minded son Bart, the childhood traumas he triggered in her, and the tragic story of his death in the military. Temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded, intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, ADHD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral.   Discover how Ginny learned to connect with Bart, stay detached from his power struggles, and how to empower him to get the best from him.   Listen as author Ginny Luther describes how her son triggered old memories of her abusive childhood and how she learned to grow thru them so that they didn’t interfere with parenting her son.   Listen to Ginny describe her son Barts experiences in the military and his tragic death at the hands of a soldier in his platoon. Ginny also describes the grieving process she went thru as well as the foundation she and her husband Jack founded in Bart’s name: Blue Star Parents. You can find information about the foundation at bartsbluestar.org   Here’s the link to Ginny Luther’s new book: Blue star grit: A mother’s journey of triumph and tragedy raising a defiant child into an exceptional leader   Check out this link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the need to find more opportunities for girls to experience risk and adventure    

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Show Notes: Research shows that time in nature is associated with improved mental health, decreased stress, enhanced creativity and prosocial behaviors, and increased connection to each other. This podcasts describes the research behind the positive effects of more contact and interaction with nature, including: reduced anger, fear, and stress and the production of stress hormones. Being in nature is good for improving concentration and decreasing the mental fatigue associated with living in stressful urban environments. urban environments require what’s called directed attention, which forces us to ignore distractions and exhausts our brains. In natural environments, we practice an effortless type of attention known as soft fascination that creates feelings of pleasure, not fatigue. Interactions with nature also creates positive restorative outcomes related to stress reduction, relaxation, tranquility, escapism, physical exercises, increased longevity, and recovery from sickness. Dr. Jordan describes the positive effects of bird-watching and listening to birdsongs either in person or via recordings. This podcast also discusses the findings of Dr. Richard Louv in his insightful book, Last child in the woods: saving our children from nature-deficit disorder, including the link between access to greenspace and attention deficit disorder and children’s well-being.  Dr. Jordan also discusses the benefits of time in nature for children in particular including: building confidence, promoting creating creativity and imagination, teaching responsibility, getting kids moving, and encouraging kids to think. Nature in many ways also connects us all to each other and the larger world and read here of the research that demonstrates this benefit. Dr. Jordan also describes in detail some ideas about how parents can increase their children and family’s engagement in nature. He gives lots of ideas of activities to do together with your children outdoors, as well as fun outdoor activities he does with the girls who attend his weekend retreats and summer camps at Camp Weloki for girls 10 Nature Activities for Families article: ways that families could connect with the natural world bird-watching: Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast where he interviews the author of the book, No Boundaries book podcast, 2-24-22)  describing some eminent women who are doing some unique, groundbreaking work in nature; the book will provide your girls some role models for working in nature. For information on Dr. Jordans weekend retreats & summer camps for girls, click on this link: Camp Weloki for Girls  

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Show Notes: Elevate your parenting by creating an end in mind and using it to guide all of your decisions; listen in for how to do this. Learn the two main fears driving today’s parents to micromanage and overprotect their children: fears your kids are falling behind their peers and the uncertainty of how to prepare kids for an uncertain and ever-changing future so different from parent’s experiences. Begin with the end in mind: use this habit from Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, to decide on what’s most important and what you value most for your family and parenting. This end in mind becomes the basis for all of your parenting decisions, not what’s popular or what everyone else is doing. Dr. Jordan discusses how to develop a personal and family mission statement in order to focus on what’s important for you personally and for your family. Learn the steps for running weekly family meetings to empower kids to take more responsibility at home and to learn to advocate for themselves, listen to the needs of others, create win-win agreements, build community, and develop self-determination. Understand the value of putting first things first and focusing on things that are most important such as: prevention, relationship building, planning, recreation, mission statement, family meetings, celebrating successes. Focus more time on important but not urgent things: things that are important should contribute to your mission and values and highest goals; we are too easily diverted into responding to urgent things that are not important. The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities To get a copy of our family meeting guidelines for your family, email Anne@drtimjordan.com and ask to receive a copy directly to your email. For more info on how to develop a family mission statement, go to this link: https://msb.franklincovey.com/missions/family/   Click on this link to order Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living    

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Show Notes: The critical ingredients for developing talent are inspiration, deep practice, good coaches, and autonomy. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes what kids need in order to develop their talents: Autonomy: creative geniuses are not qualitatively better in their fields; they produced > volume of work that gave them > variation and a higher chance of originality; quantity is the most predictable path to quality. Thus, kids need to have autonomy in choosing their interests, down time to try things out and daydream and take risks and make mistakes Dr. Jordan describes the concept of deep practice which underlies the 10,000 hour rules of mastery; This starts with ignition or getting inspired by role models. Experience causes intense, unconscious emotional response = love, fascination, inspired, on fire = “I want to be like them, willing to delay gratification: “I want X, so I better do Y like crazy right now”, motivated by desire to connect ourselves to high-achieving people or groups. Deep practice repetition: reach or stretch self slightly beyond your current ability, spending time in the zone of difficulty called the sweet spot. Myelin: wraps nerve fibers making signal stronger, faster, more accurate by preventing electrical impulses from leaking out; whenever practice anything, myelin responds by wrapping layers of insulation around that neural circuit, each new layers adds a little more skill and speed; the thicker the myelin gets, the better it insulates & the faster and more accurate our movements & thoughts become. the more you generate impulses to specific area of brain, encountering & overcoming difficulties, the more neural scaffolding you build; the more scaffolding you build, the faster you learn. Practice makes myelin, and myelin makes perfect; nerve firings grow myelin; myelin controls speed; impulse speed is skill; need autonomy, passion, persistence b/c wrapping myelin around a big circuit requires immense energy & time. Importance of early coaches: crucial in 1st phase of learning to get learner involved, captivated, hooked, and to need & want more info & expertise; made initial learning pleasant, fun, rewarding; much was playful activity, like a game. The best coaches use explain, demonstrate, imitation, correction, and repetition. Other topics described in this podcast: Value passion where you find it; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Trust that inspiration & motivation come at different ages & often thru misfortune; Help them find their tribe; affirm character vs. actions Read these books for a more in-depth look at developing talent: Range by David Epstein; The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, Dark Horse by Todd Rose, Originals by Adam Grant, The Element by Ken Robinson Go to www.drtimjordan.com for more resources from Dr. Jordan      

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Show Notes: It’s healthy for girls to realize the many ways their parents do love them vs. lamenting the ways they don’t. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of ‘Ghosts in the nursery’ to discover the reasons underlying parent’s behaviors; link to previous podcast on ghosts in the nursery Reframing parent’s behaviors as ways they are loving their children is therapeutic and keeps kids out of anger, resentment, and feeling unloved. Examples of how parents love their daughters: Acts of service, doing things for them, giving rides, fixing things Working long hours to provide a good life for them Over worrying, micromanaging, and overprotecting are ways parents show love and concern. Being overly strict, asking 50 questions about their daughter’s life, putting a child up for adoption, and going right to fix-it mode when listening Parents with a different love language than their daughter may have a harder time showing love in the way girls prefer, thus the need to educate each other about your love language For lots of reasons, sometimes parents are unable to provide the love a girl needs in the way she wants it, and so it is normal and critical she finds other parent figures who can be there in the ways she needs at different times in her life For more information on how to support your daughter’s emotions and friendship challenges, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need        

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Show Notes: Learn some specific ways parents can support high school seniors as they transition to the next leg of their journey. Understand & normalize touch point feelings: lots of emotions arrive with any change, transition, and leap in development. Help your daughter become aware of these feelings, reframe them as normal, and find healthy ways to express them. Encourage girls to focus on all of the emotions they are feeling, not just anxiety; i.e. excitement, adventure, freedom. Link to Previous podcast on touch points Listen without solving their problems, fixing, or rescuing. Listen, mirror, get in her shoes, empathize, don’t jump to problem-solving & fix-it mode; share your stories so she knows you can relate. Link to Previous podcast on listening Link to Previous podcast: why teens don’t want to grow up Let go of knowing what’s best for them; it’s their life & path now; Let go of the teacher role; become a consultant vs. a manager or micromanager Girls need to cultivate quiet, alone time to reflect, process thru issues, become aware of intuition & gut & what their heart says; take long walks, journal, art to open up creative parts of brain Reframe belief that 1 mistake or “bad” decision will derail their whole life, tell your stories of mistakes & your zig-zagging path Dot Theory: be open to dots, follow heart & urges, life will connect dots, life unfolds; Link to previous podcast on Dr. Jordan’s dot theory: Ask how they want you to support them with process of transition: Ps responsibility is to ask what they need, respect it, set boundaries Girl’s responsibility is to continually educate parents about what they need, how they want parents to support them, be specific, set boundaries Learn to connect in different ways: Relationship will change, will never be the same: grieve the loss Can be better, kids on more equal footing, can watch fruits of your labors come to fruition Even high school seniors need a safe base: like when they were toddlers, just be there in the way they want you to be there Take care of yourself: Easier for kids to move on if not pulled back by struggling parents Importance of investing time in marriage all along the way so not strangers when kids leave the nest If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you.   A.A. Milne To access the links Dr. Jordan referred to in this podcast, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com or click on the links above.

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Show Notes: Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached and supportive. The many ways we disrespect teenagers: School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power. Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening. Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her  time to decompress and make sense of her day. Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path. Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours. Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room   Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same. Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them Ask permission before you give advice!    

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Show Notes: If you want to remain an influence in your daughter’s life, avoid these 8 mistakes parents make in listening. 8 Mistakes parents make when listening: Stop giving me advice! Just listen, mirror, and empathize without trying to reassure, fix, or problem-solve; when girls share they shift from their amygdala & emotional centers into their prefrontal cortex where reason can supplant emotion. Be fully present vs. distracted! Don’t turn my venting around and make it about you! Stop hailing on me! The concept of the turtle, your teen, and the hailstorm, you, fits here. Teens often normally retreat a little into their shells due to their need for privacy and individuation. Parents often worry due to receiving less information from their teen, so they ‘hail’ more, i.e., ask more questions at the wrong time, which causes the turtle to retreat further into their shell, and so on. So stay calm, don’t hail, and the turtle has a responsibility to poke their heads out and share more so that you both avoid this issue. Respect my context: allow teens to have more control over when, where, and how they share with you. If teen not sharing about their experience or feelings, try not asking direct questions about them but instead ask how their peers are feeling about the issue. Dr. Jordan offers more examples of how to find the con text that works best to make her feel safe to open up. Stop playing hot potato with my emotions! Once she vents, your daughter often walks away feeling lighter and thus can move on from the situation. Don’t be left holding onto all of her stuff, release it and you move on as well. Stop putting your crap onto my story! Don’t add your feelings & personal past stories from your childhood into their stories and situations, it causes them to feel overwhelmed. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of Ghosts in the nursery click on this link to hear his previous podcast on this concept. How Ps handle their own distress strongly influences the psychological climate at home, which then shapes the emotional lives of kids. Teens need a safe, secure base they can rely on to be there for them when needed. So,  stay calm when responding to an upset teen.  Be available: if you are around enough and available, teens know they can count on you to be there just in case they need to talk or bounce things off of you. Just like when they were toddlers and came back for some loving support, teens need the same kind of present, caring parent for security and love. For more information on how to support your daughters, go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com and check out past blogs and podcasts, my 6 books, and my retreats and camps.  

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Working moms are often defined by their career achievements, pushed around by social pressures, and limited by stress at all fronts. This hinders them from living their authentic and sacred life. Dr. Tim Jordan interviews Julia Sewell, author of The Self-Made Mom, to discuss how they can define success and balance on their own terms and rediscover joy. She explains what it takes to get rid of the “good girl condition” and finally embark on a fulfilling self-making journey. Julia also explores how mothers should define their core values that will allow them to equip their children with the necessary skills to survive the real world.
Resources:You can find Julia’s online support community at www.theselfmademom.com as well as information about her new book, The Self-Made Mom.
For more information about how to parent girls to grow up confident and powerful, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead
Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com 
Amazon Book Link: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants


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Show Notes: Understanding what your emotions are teaching you normalizes them & aids girls in managing them. Feelings Meanings: see feelings as vital sources of information, motivation, and they are trustworthy. Emotional distress often prompts our most growth-giving actions and lessons. We need to help girls get comfortable with the reality that they will at times have to live with emotional discomfort and uncertainty. Good mental health is having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those emotions effectively. This quote from author Lisa Damour is exactly spot on, so help your daughters normalize all of their emotions. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of overload symptoms that leak out due to feelings having built up to the point of overwhelm. These include symptoms like having a hard time falling asleep, snapping angrily at others or themselves, anxiety, and depression. We need to be slower at pinning diagnose on girls and medicating them as the first line treatment for things like anxiety and depression. Listen to Dr. Jordan describe what emotions might be telling your daughters, including: anger, anxiety, sadness and depression, disappointment, uncertainty, cryi8ng, urges and intuition, stress, frustration, and peer pressure. Listen to this podcast with your daughter and discuss her emotions and what they might be teaching her about herself. For more information on the emotional lives on girls, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need    

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Show Notes: The following 3 issues are current plagues that are damaging girls: good girl conditioning, the lack of down time and unstructured play, and early specialization in sports and activities. Dr. Jordan describes how girls experience unhealthy good girl conditioning. He describes lists of qualities of good girls, bad girls, and real girls derived from discussions at his retreats and camps. Also discussed are the detrimental and confusing mixed messages girls receive due to the good girl habituation. This podcast discusses the effect of several intensification movements in education that amped up academic pressures on kids to their detriment. This caused a decrease in the amount of down time kids experience today. He also discusses the negative effects of reduced recess that afflicts most kids today as well as the benefits of real, unstructured, unsupervised, kid-directed play. The third plague discussed is the early specialization in sports and music and other activities experienced by girls today. Go back and relisten to his previous podcast on the damage youth sports does to kids in this link: Take back the game podcast 1-19-23 Dr. Jordan also presents good data on the value of letting kids sample lots of activities where they can, in the words of author David Epstein in his book, Range: “Eventual elites play a variety of sports, mostly in unstructured or lightly structured environments (think backyard pickup games). They learn. They develop. They gain a range of skills. In the process, they discover not just what they're really good at ... but also what they really like. Then they focus. Then they dedicate. Then they pursue excellence.” For other resources on this topic, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com    

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Show Notes: Learn the many reasons why girls may feel lonely & disconnected, including friendship drama & social media Dr. Jordan shows mental health stats of college women, including large numbers who feel very lonely and isolated. You will also hear stats about the high level of loneliness and disconnection amongst today’s adults. Dr. Jordan describes the many reasons behind girls feeling lonely learned from working with girls in his counseling practice, retreats, summer camps (Camp Weloki For Girls), and school program (Strong Girls, Strong World). Friendship drama, exclusion, and the resulting negative spiral of beliefs The difficulty some girls have in finding like-minded peers who get them and connect with their interests Living with distracted parents and divorced parents Old souls who have a hard time finding peers who match their level of maturity and depth The feelings overwhelm many girls experience from stuffing their emotions The lack of safe spaces girls experience where they are free to be authentic, vulnerable, and real Learn what the best group cultures do to bring safety, trust, and closeness to their organization, team, or group Dr. Jordan describes the effects of electronic devices and social media on our ability to feel safe, process other’s emotions and intentions, develop empathy and compassion for others, and our ability to develop intimacy and closeness with others Resources: 2 books by Sherry Turkle: Alone Together; Reclaim Conversation The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle Smart Girls, Gifted Women by Barbara Kerr  

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Show Notes: Author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson discusses her book, Wise Decisions, and how to teach girls how to make better choices The following are topics discussed with author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson: How to reframe old negative beliefs that become girl’s harmful inner voice How girls can create their own end in mind, or per Dr. Ohlsson, their Y.O.D.A. your own decision advisor, to help direct their decision-making How to access and trust their inner voices: cultivate quiet time, tune into their body symptoms and their gut and urges and their heart to know what’s right for them How girls can use their end in mind as a north star to avoid being overwhelmed by having so many choices to sift through about colleges, majors, and careers How to trust that finding their purpose is a process and that their life will unfold naturally if they follow their intuition and end in mind For more information about Dr. Ohlsson and her book, Wise Decisions: a science-based approach to making better choices, check out her website at www.sheilaohlssonwalker.com     

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Show Notes: Teach your daughter how to be aware of & trust her gut alarms & what blunts them, set firm boundaries, create criteria for sexuality before dating, & how to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy. In a fictional letter to his daughter, a dad imparts some wisdom to help her take care of herself on prom night. This advice includes: Don’t buy into the cultural myth that prom is a coming-of-age party where it’s expected that you get wasted and have sex. Make your own decisions. How to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy. How to become aware of and trust your internal alarms, i.e., your gut intuition. Become aware of what might blunt your alarm: alcohol and drugs, desperately needing a boyfriend or wanting him to like you, worrying that you’re being lame, allowing self-doubts to confuse you, or low self-esteem. How to set clear, firm boundaries The importance of making a list of your criteria for a dating relationship, including sexual behavior. Creating your own standards while quiet and clear-headed is a much better proposition than trying to make good decisions in the heat of the moment. I love you but what’s more important than that is, do YOU love you? You will take care of yourself in direct proportion to what you feel you deserve. For some more wisdom that girls need to navigate their adolescence, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living  

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Show Notes: Dorothy’s heroine’s journey illustrates how girls must face their fears and overcome adversities in order to gain the strength and resources to face the adult world. Dr. Jordan briefly describes the heroine’s journey that all girls must embark on in order to grow into strong, courageous adults. Dr. Jordan’s Heroine’s journey podcast 8-5-21 Using many examples from the movie, Dr. Jordan brings out different aspects of girl’s growth towards adulthood as shown metaphorically in the movie including: -How facing your fears and just showing up is a huge piece of the journey -How girls must overcome challenges and embrace all parts of herself as exemplified by the scarecrow (intellect, intuition, and street smarts), the tin man (compassion, service), lion (courage, facing and overcoming fears), Glinda (spirituality), and the wizard (Inner knowing). -How we all already possess what we often desire the most Dr. Jordan also notes that women are the primary power holders in the movie: Miss Gulch, Glinda, the wicked witch of the west By movie’s end, Dorothy has pulled back the curtain to see things as they really are, accumulated the wisdom to create her heart’s desire, and is ready to meet the world as an adult. Parent’s role in their daughter’s heroine’s journey: Help girls understand, be aware of their heroine’s journey, normalize the uncertainty and anxiety around touch points; it’s okay to struggle and face uncertainty and be faced with adversities and challenges, they will need mentors besides their parents, the need for quiet alone time to reflect, process thru and integrate experiences Parents need to share their stories so daughters know that they too can get thru the challenges of the journey, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; teach the self-compassion piece about universal experience that past people have gotten thru this journey so you will too. For more info on how to support your daughter along their heroine’s journey, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls    

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Show Notes: Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence. Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping. Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them. Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision. Debunking stranger danger: Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim. Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them. Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear. Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages: 7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com    Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services   Safety tips:   Show Notes: Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence. Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping. Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them. Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision. Debunking stranger danger: Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim. Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them. Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear. Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages: 7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com    Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services   Safety tips:  

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Show Notes: Listen in and learn some ways that parents may be contributing to or causing their daughter’s anxiety. Ways that parents cause anxiety in their children: Kids reflect the adults around them: kids may mirror their parent’s anxieties and worries. This is especially true for parents who have an untreated anxiety disorder Kids may respond to traumatic experiences like child abuse or parent’s fighting or domestic violence by becoming anxious. These kinds of experiences may cause their amygdala to be overly sensitive to experiences that then more easily trigger anxiety. The concept of ghosts in the nursery and the vulnerable child syndrome was the topic of an old podcast of mine on 3-24-22, so review that for more info on this phenomenon. Being overly cautious and constantly warning kids about potential dangers Focusing on achievement more than character can cause increased anxiety in children. An excessive pressure to excel is described also as a cause of anxiety in kids. Don’t mine for pain! What can parents do? Dr. Jordan describes several ways parents can avoid the above issues that cause and contribute to children’s anxiety. Listen, get in their shoes & empathize, stay kind but don’t join their emotions.   My past podcast interview with author Meg Jay on adversities kids face: 6-23-21  

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Show Notes: Listen to 4 young adults candidly explain their fears about growing up and settling like their parent’s generation. Dr. Jordan presents data showing how the life path of young adults today is so much different than in previous generations. Learn about a new stage in their life span called emerging adulthood and how it impacts their mental health and plans. Dr. Jordan also presents data revealing the increased levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness in millennials as well as the dissatisfaction many adults feel in their careers. The four young women then discuss the following questions about their fears of growing up: What does growing up mean to you? What are your fears about growing up and where do you think they come from? Do you get overwhelmed with all the choices & opportunities presented to you? Talk about your fear of how making one wrong choice or decision will derail your whole life and the stress and anxiety that comes from this worry. What is effect of watching your parent’s lives, marriages, careers? Discuss your fears about settling with your life, career, and marriage.

For more good insight into how young adults feel about growing into adulthood, have your daughter and you read Dr. Jordan’s book,  Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living 2 other good reads on this topic of preparing for adulthood: The Defining Decade by meg Jay; also listen to Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with Meg Jay about her book Finding Your Element by Ken Robinson        

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Show Notes: Topics discussed in this podcast: Should girls be allowed to wear sexy outfits to school? Dances? Going to parties? How are school dress codes damaging to girls? What can parents do to support their daughters with this issue? Old beliefs drive decisions about dress codes: that the female body is inherently tempting and leads to sin, so cover it! School dress codes tend to target girls more than boys; inherent message that girls and women can’t be trusted to dress themselves properly, so we have to mandate laws & dress codes to stop them from tempting boys and men Message dress code and violations gives to boys: The idea that they cannot control themselves in the presence of girls and women who look a certain way implies that they are no more than animals with no self-control Dr. Jordan shares insights about what girls say about why they dress the ways that they do. Self-expression plays a crucial role in identity development and one major form of this expression is through one’s clothing. “Fashion and clothing are used to create and reveal a cultural, social, and personal identity. Part of their identity is embodied by clothing and fashion. Effects of dress codes on girls: studies found that 83% of students cited for dress code violations were girls. Study findings also demonstrated how the methods of school dress code enforcement promote a sexually objectifying environment in which girls feel physically and psychologically unsafe. Also, the findings of this study revealed that girls experience body shame, self-objectification, and powerlessness through dress code enforcement and sex education in school. Sexism is rampant in the writing and implementation of school dress codes, as the words used are targeted towards girls and women according to a study of 481 public schools surveyed. Studies show that increased anxiety, depression, and aggression results from this kind of discipline Prohibited clothing items: strapless top, spaghetti straps, halter top, low neckline, short dresses, pajamas, sheer clothing, short skirt, narrow straps, leggings, tight clothing, crop top, backless shirt, fishnet clothing, visible bra straps, holes above thighs, sleeveless shirt, frayed clothes, cutoff shorts, backless dress, off shoulder shirt, spandex clothing, no underwear, holes above knees, swimwear, pants with holes, visible underwear, short shorts According to the same survey, the words “distracting” and “disruptive” appeared in 76% of dress codes, suggesting that the exposure of certain body parts, such as the midriff, interferes with learning Dress codes today put the onus on the wearer, not their peers, to dress and act a particular way. But the notion that girls are responsible for boys being respectful, which dress codes enforce, can be a damaging precedent to set. it can also send the message that girls are automatically at fault when boys are not respectful; “It’s my responsibility to make sure the boys’ thoughts are not unclean.” So, what’s a parent to do? Dr. Jordan offers many suggestions about how parents can use dress codes to create open dialogue about clothing, responsibility, objectification, and sexism. Links to good articles on this topic: Dress code effects on girls: Dress codes sexualize women: Why dress codes are unhealthy:  

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Description: 2 college sophomores share about their experiences during their first year in college including: social and academic challenges, the dating scene, picking majors, and how their parents could have better prepared them for the transition.Previous Dr. Jordan podcasts related to college:Best Ways To Support Your Daughter Through The College Application Process With Dr. Pamela EllisA peek into your daughter's emotions as she starts college:Why college freshmen are so lonely:DR. JORDAN’S BOOK for young adults and their parents,  Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living is available in both print  or e-book formats.  Kindle version   Print version
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Show Notes: Can we please find better alternatives then the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission, and purpose? Dr. Jordan was inspired to do this podcast after reading three books: Pat Tillman: Where Men Win Glory; Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer; a soon to be published book from his friend Ginny Luther about her son Bart’s military experience Pat Tillman was an active, intense, rambunctious kid who loved roughhousing, being loud, taking risks, and was constantly in trouble for his behaviors. He walked away from a multimillion-dollar contract with the Arizona Cardinals NFL football team to join the army after the 9/11 attack, becoming an icon on post-9/11 patriotism. The fact that Pat believed the Iraq war to be illegal and about false reports of weapons of mass destruction did not prevent him from wanting desperately to get into the fight, face the enemy fire alongside his comrades, to prove himself in battle, and become a part of a rarefied warrior culture. Like many young men, he had aspired to engage in mortal combat since being a little boy, itching to confront the enemy firsthand and prove themselves under fire. Sadly, two years into his service he was killed in action from bullets from his own troops, unleashing a government coverup. Jon Krakauer joined an expedition to climb the summit of Mt. Everest, despite the large number of fatalities of past climbers. Much of his motivation for the climb came from his belief that achieving the summit of a mountain was tangible, immutable, concrete; the incumbent hazards lent the activity a seriousness of purpose that was sorely missing from the rest of his life; “I thrilled in the fresh perspective that came from tipping the ordinary plane of existence on end.” Another climber, John Taske, wrote that, “When I left the military, I sort of lost my way. I discovered I couldn’t really speak to civilians; my marriage fell apart. But when I started to climb, the sport provided most of what had been missing for me in civilian life, the challenge, the camaraderie, the sense of mission.” Dr. Jordan describes the temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded, intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral. This podcast shares stories of people who fit this description who ended up as incredible, successful, trailblazing adults, including Elizabeth Blackburn, the  1st woman to be president of Salk Institute; Loretta Lynch, the 1st African-American woman to become US attorney general, as well as his two sons and one of his female campers who created adventures for themselves. Dr. Jordan asks that we look for opportunities for our kids to take risks, have adventures, and make their own path. He describes several programs such as Teach for America, Peace Corp, Well Aware clean water not-for-profit (http://wellawareworld.org/join), listen to an interview with the founder of this NFP Sarah Evans on Dr. Jordan’s podcast from 8-18-22, and Woofing ( www.wwoof.net ) There are other, better alternatives then the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission, and purpose; help kids find them and start as a culture valuing these experiences and people.              

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Show Notes: Learn the evolutionary, brain, and hormonal reasons behind dating and falling in love Evolution:  Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, and to reproduce and pass on your genes. Attachment evolved to get you to stick with this person at least long enough to raise a single child together. Learn the stages of courtship: attention-getting, recognition, grooming talk, touching, and body synchronicity Dr. Jordan describes the brain chemistry of falling in love, which underlies these stages of courting: romantic phase, attraction phase, attachment phase, and the honeymoon phase. Each phase is driven by different chemicals including testosterone, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Learn how these chemicals create bonding, stress, euphoria, and seeking and craving feelings similar to addictions. Dr. Jordan also discusses what happens chemically when we go thru a breakup, and how that affects girl’s emotions and behaviors. Listen to this podcast with your daughter and help her become aware of why she acts and feels the way she does as far as dating and romantic partners. Girls in my retreats and camps love my discussions on this subject, because no one has ever helped them understand their intense feelings and drives; “It makes sense!” Talking about this will activate her prefrontal cortex to help her reason thru decisions about her relationship; it’s important not to make decisions strictly emotionally. Check out all of the resources provided by Dr. Jordan at his site, www.drtimjordan.com Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Show Notes: In this podcast, learn the social readiness signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media Learn how the teenage brain is more susceptible to addictions, risky behaviors, and the need to belong and fit in and be included by peers. Because of these vulnerabilities, Dr. Jordan lays out why teen girls are at risk for misusing social media and being negatively affected by it. In this podcast, learn about some of the most important social signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media. These include: Staying disconnected from drama: Does she do a good job of staying out of drama? Not get sucked into friend’s squabbles? Not add to it? Does your daughter have a history of staying in balance and taking breaks from friends? Does she have friends in different groups she can hang with if one group becomes toxic? Handle conflicts directly and peacefully: Has she shown the courage and maturity to be able to confront friends, set boundaries, tell friends her needs and also listen to theirs to create win-win solutions? Does she understand the difference with being passive, aggressive, and assertive? Healthy friends: Mirror neurons in our brain causes individual choices to be powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do. Girls are hard-wired to connect; being alone meant death starting back in dangerous, uncivilized times. Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. It can cause girls to constantly compare themselves to her peers or people in the media: Am I fitting in? Doing right thing? Doing anything that may get me thrown out? It's critical that she hangs with healthy friends because things like emotions and rule-breaking are contagious. Has she struggled to make or keep friends?  Does she have a past history of being excluded or kicked out of her friend group? Experiences like that can cause your daughter to develop unhealthy decisions about herself: I’m not good enough, cool enough, pretty enough, I’m too annoying or awkward. These beliefs will make her vulnerable for not being herself, doing things and giving up parts of herself to fit in, having less courage to set boundaries, be at risk for being abused and used. Is she being bullied currently or in the past? No best friend or a group? This can make her more vulnerable to being a target without the protection of a group around her; does she have a history of victimization? Has she been a target? Listen to my recent podcast on cyberbullying published 1-12-23 Does she know how to be alone without being lonely?  The crowd and social media distracts us from inward reflection; it’s easy for girls to become plugged in constantly and outwardly focused. The girl who constantly texts and checks Instagram hasn’t heard from herself in a long time. Devices and social media makes it hard to not be preoccupied with what’s going on out there vs. within you; when alone, your thoughts and feelings are oriented inward; it’s a slower and quieter experience. Has your daughter learned to cultivate, use, and enjoy quiet alone time? Summary: No middle school or high school girl is going to be perfect and always live out these qualities; they are a work in progress.  Let her know what you will be looking for socially to let you know she’s mature enough to handle what social media will throw at her. She’ll earn the privilege to try social media once she has earned it. It’s important to practice these social skills at home: conflict resolution, setting boundaries, not allow teasing to hurt her, learning about how to enjoy and have quiet alone time.    

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