Professional Contestants – Details, episodes & analysis

Happy Holiday everyone! We truly hope that you and the friends and family that you spend this time of the year with are happy and healthy - celebrating the true meaning of the holidays. But maybe you are not... Maybe you're celebrating with someone who has lost sight of the reason for the season. Someone who needs their statis quo disrupted in order to appreciate what they really have. If that's the case, you better watch out, because there's a new holiday icon in town. A real, tangible pig who would love nothing more than to absolutely decimate your misguided holiday celebration. Keep an eye out for slop on your stoop - for it heralds the coming of the one and only Yule Hog.

Zach misunderstands the vampires' curse, Jared introduces a new original holiday character, and Adam reasserts his jaded view on fireworks.

Talking Points Include: A Personal Jacob Marley, Polar Bear Self Defense, Slop on the Stoop, Pandemic Vibes, Angry Birds Game Show, 1/4 of July, Dracula Can't Have Cheese, Christmas Rocket Applications, We Blast Off Again

Well folks, we've once again gone straight from Snake Day into the winter holiday celebrations, but thats just how the holiday calander shakes out sometimes. But let's not let that proximity get in the way of us fully diving into the holiday season with the most sickeningly Christmas steeped game show we may have ever done. Thats right, a Christmas themed competition game show produced BY Hallmark, FOR the Hallmark channel, with the prize being a STARING ROLL in a Hallmark Christmas movie. If you weren't in the Christmas spirit before, you best bet your baubles that you're about to be!

Zach becomes Quasimodo, Jared lives truthfully under imaginary circumstances, and Adam leans into living alone.

Talking Points Include: Our Most Popular Topic, The Harry Potter Attractiveness Scale, No Skinny Hagrids, The Eddie Episodes, Nothing but a Guitar, Ten of One Man, Yet Another Barbra Jean Appearance, An Intense Feedback Loop, Finding our Ember of Interest, Is it Cookie?

Blake Shelton is out here making a game show that is basically a commercial for his Nashville bar, where the booze is always flowing and the vibes are great. Well the Professional Contestants are gonna call you on that one, Blake. Be careful what you wish for because by the time we're done, your bar is gonna look like the aftermath of a Project X and your comically large medals will be nowhere to be seen.

Zach's favorite bar game is "Get double crossed by that scary guy in the cave," Jared's favorite bar game is "Fake your death and show up at your own funeral," and Adam's favorite bar game is "Carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain."

Talking Points Include: Road House '24, Ron DeSantis vs Public Libraries, Pointless Scoring System, Mark Cuban the BeatBox Guy, Slap The Bag 2.0, Slippery Stairs, Don't Piss Off Gwen, Most Likely to Drink On Set

Are the contestants paid? Nope. Do they donate to charities? Undetermined. Do we want the winning prize? Absolutely not. Why are we doing this game show? Because someone has to put a stop to Kevin Hart's court mandated shenanigans!

Zach actively avoids current events, Jared has the best mental attitude, and Adam's house is smaller than T-Pain's.

Talking Points Include: Tommy Lee Jones Does ALL the Voices, A Lesson in Credit, Court Mandated Wife Time, Kevin Hart does Among Us, Daniel Day-Lewis + Monkey, Pity Tennis Award, Some Basic Robbery Tactics, Welcome to the Zone

We take our first dive into the Quibi scrap pile to find… something pretty good! Leslie Jordan’s southern charm welcomes us to the cleaning competition show Squeaky Clean.

Zach explains Y2K, Jared reads an article about Quibi, and Adam does a crime. 

Talking Points Include: Adam Decker’s Tactical Training Program, We Are In Favor Of Cyber Crimes, Hi I’m Ham and I Like to Clean, Welcome To Minion Park, Long Live the Sneak King, How One Cleans, This Dad Sucks So Hard, Here God Go to ShrimpFest, DOOMBA

Vibe check!!! We’re bringing you real CHAOS ENERGY in this episode folks, cause that's just where we are right now. Do we talk about a game show? Technically, yes. But we also sing horny duck songs and let an AI read us a story. Come and get it!

Zach practices his patter songs, Jared ruins Daffy Duck, and Adam regrets bringing an AI to the show.

Talking Points: VIBE CHECK!!!, More Hagrid Talk And No Apologies, It Tastes Like Soda Ghost, Sorry Adam We Can’t Imagine It, Mr. Teeth is Self-Aware, Horny DNA, Patter Songs, He’s a Duck!

This week we once again find ourselves facing off with a trivia game show, which we have gone on record saying are the most difficult game shows to cheat. So in this time of need, who shall we turn to? Why, Academy Award winner and modern mummy expert Rami Malek of course.

Zach reveals the people his grandma hates, Jared has seen every Night at the Museum movie, and Adam learns to look at mummies in a new light.

Talking Points Include: Jorts Etiquette, How's The Donk?, Sweaty Meats and Cheeses, Tom Bergeron the Train Host, Wizard of Oz Lore, Challenging Mummy Stigmas

Look, we get it. When you see this big intimidating executioner in a gimp suit it can be easy to assume he is the bad guy. Seeing him force children into a tank where he pours slime on them doesn't make him the most likable fellow. But I encourage you to look past this unfortunate big son and you will see where the true evil lies, the one and only Wink Yahoo.

Zach loves Canadian game shows, Jared is tired of people overlooking Hagrid, and Adam wants to fight The Punisher.

Talking Points Include: Sympathising with the 1%, Phony Space Cowboy, Game Show Spinoffs, Olympic Mario Party Rules, The Big Son Archetype, Never Underestimate Hagrid

This is a weird one. It gets pretty wild, pretty quick. So if you wanna skip this one we’re not gonna be upset: in fact, we encourage it. This episode will either be the worst one yet or a cult classic. SPOILER ALERT: it’s probably the former. Anyway we make some good Snorlax jokes 40 minutes in so it’s not a total loss.

Zach shares some Hogan’s Heroes insights, Jared yearns for better slime, and Adam is a part of your morning routine.  

Talking Points Include: Rise and Shine and Check the Vibe, Wow! Our Worst Episode Yet!, A Hogan’s Hero Situation, Marshmallow Sandwich, Golden Age of Slime, Joseph Stalin’s Favorite Toons, George Lopez Has Betrayed Me, Everybody Loves Snorlax, Intimate Slimer 

There are many different paths a person can take to break into the film industry. For example, you could wear a lanyard and earpiece and just try to blend in with the crew. Or if that doesn't work you could put a crew member in danger of drowning and then save them. Or if that still doesn't work, you could accuse that same crew member of extortion. It pays to have backup plans, ya know?

Zach explains the origins of motel pools, Jared gets carded for non-alcoholic beverages, and Adam gives insider deets on infiltrating film sets.

Talking Points Include: Summertime Political Platforms, Roller Coaster Public Transport, Barefoot Hotel, Evolutionary Hot Tub, McDonalds Birthday, Best Off Screen Kiss, Public Domain Plans