Paws and Reflect – Details, episodes & analysis

Sean and I recorded this on December 14th, three days after my eye surgery. Now I'm finally able to look at screens here and there to share it!

Mostly a (somewhat silly) story of trying to make my drops suck less... but as usual the experience did make me think of some real dog connections too.

'Tis the season for holiday family time! We talk about how it can be (counterintuitively) harder to advocate for our dogs around loved ones than strangers, that it's okay to focus on humans-only activities sometimes, what our visits have looked like lately, and my very best advice for anyone who gets overwhelmed at social gatherings 🚐😉

Related links:

• How We Handle Traveling to See Family With Our Dog — older blog post about our logistics before we lived in a van
• Why I’m Risk Averse With Family Dog-Dog Interactions — recent reflections on separating Scout from my parents' pets
• Why I Love to “Leave The Dog Behind” — sometimes it's best for everyone!
• Leaving Our Dog Alone in Our Van: Safety & Temperature Control — how we keep Scout safe if we do stuff without her

Sean and Haley talk about social / observational learning with our dogs, how incredibly COOL and worthwhile those concepts are to explore, and also how they can fit into advocating for our pets. (Sometimes "showing our dog a person / dog / situation is okay" and "advocating for our dog" might sound contradictory, especially if we hear extreme statements at far ends of either spectrum, but they aren't mutually exclusive!)

Some specific books that inspired these thoughts:

• Dog is Love by Clive Wynne
• The Genius of Dogs by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods
• Dog Sense by John Bradshaw
• (Highly recommend reading the actual studies discussed for more context; all three of the above titles have nicely organized reference sections specific to dogs)
• Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal

Some related links:

• Running list of dog ownership books I recommend overall
• Running list of all the animal-related books I've read recently
• Sean's older blog about "just hanging out" with Scout (talks about social relationships, approaching them in a natural way)
• Blog on if my dog wants to please me or not
• Blog on thinking about my dog as a human friend
• Blog on advocating for my dog
• Blog on the line between advocating and "babying" my dog

Our van conversion will be finished in just three months! Sean and I sat down to answer some commonly asked questions about our choice to live in a van full-time along with a few build details.

We go over:

• Why do we want to pursue van life in the first place?
• Why go through a conversion company for our build insteading of converting a van ourselves?
• Why buy our house a year and a half ago, and why sell it now?
• Why a Promaster?
• How is the van temperature controlled?
• How else have we set the van up with Scout in mind?
• Why include a shower?
• How does internet work?
• What are we most looking forward to?
• What are we most nervous about?

Related links:

• "Van Life" category of our blog

Sean and Haley talk about balancing work, dog ownership, and other responsibilities with self care and messy emotions — specifically in the context of working from home.

It's been easy for me to feel like a remote work schedule should automatically mean my days are more productive (I don't have a commute to drain my time, I'm with Scout for more of the day so can fit in short frequent play sessions, etc) especially now that I've gone out on my own with a more flexible schedule. On the one hand? I absolutely do want to make sure I use my time wisely and don't take these opportunities for granted! On the other? My own fulfillment and rest are as important as ever. I don't need to constantly self-sacrifice in order to "deserve" the good things in life, and there is no shame in taking time for myself.

Some related links:

• I Quit an Awesome Job to Write About My Dog? (reflections on going out on my own)
• “Just” an Owner: Do I Have Any Right to Talk About Dogs? (relates to imposter syndrome, wondering if I even deserve to get to write about animals for a living)

Sean and Haley talk about embracing the mythical magic of our relationship with Scout (how incredible is it that we harmoniously share life with a creature of a whole different species?!) while also staying rooted in an accurate perception of what makes our cattle dog, well, a dog.

Sometimes we see animal lovers delving into "folk nonsense" and expecting unfair things from their companions (or creating potentially dangerous situations by assuming our pets automatically understand societal norms, illnesses, or so on in ways they actually might not). On the other hand, we also see trainers try to dismiss the potential depth of connection between dog and owner in favor of a more robotic or negative view of our pets. I personally think the healthiest approach is one in between!

Books mentioned:

• For the Love of a Dog by Patricia McConnell (the first I read this past week)
• Dog Sense by John Bradshaw (the second I read this past week)
• Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal (I just can't stop talking about this one!)
• Dog is Love by Clive Wynne (apparently I also can't stop talking about this one...)

Some related blog articles:

• Does My Dog Want to Please Me? Yes and No
• Pros & Cons of Thinking About My Dog as a Human Friend
• What Advocating For My Dog Means & Why It Matters (the first part of this talks about honoring my dog as a canine)
• Imagining My Dog’s “Umwelt” Helps Us Grow as a Team (all about trying to understand how Scout experiences the world)

Sean and Haley talk about dog sports, inspired by a thoughtful friend's question of if not participating in them has ever been at all uncomfortable as a voice in the online dog community (or if we've ever been made to feel weird by others in the space).

We discuss why we don't do organized dog sports with Scout (just personal preference and lifestyle!), whether or not we are "against" them (absolutely not!), some things we've observed about different dog sports communities as outsiders (many awesome merits and a few potential cons), and a few overall reflections about being on social media (like how easy it is for content to be perceived in ways differently than the author intends and how much I care about nuance).

Sean and Haley sit down to chat through some dog ownership myths and generalizations that have personally affected life with Scout. I've felt a lot of internal conflict on different topics, especially in my first year with her — and across-the-board, contradictory statements from different trainers and friends and family members fueled much of that turmoil.

We talk about:

• The false idea that "good dogs have to love other dogs and people"
• It's not "all in how you raise them" and the nuance of nature & nurture working together
• How rehoming is sometimes the best option for everyone involved
• Potentially hurtful statements like "your dog won’t have behavioral problems if.... you’re a good enough leader, they trust you, etc" that put all the onus on us humans (who are trying our best and already feel plenty overwhelmed & insecure)
• Similarly, advice like "if you’re calm your dog will be calm" and variations of "just don’t make a big deal out of things"
• The classic dogs on the furniture debate and a bit about our understanding of dominance
• That "you shouldn’t comfort your dog when they’re scared"
• If taking our dogs on a daily walk is the end all be all and generalizations about exercise

Some related links and references:

• One of our first blogs, asking why your dog needs to do... well, anything
• Blog on how we set impactful goals with Scout
• It's all in how you raise them blog
• Ian Dunbar on the TWC podcast (and our running list of podcast notes)
• Puppies born ready to interpret human signals
• Blog on the balance between advocating for vs babying my dog
• Our personal dogs on the furniture rules
• Books I recommend to dog owners (we specifically mention Dog is Love by Clive Wynne and Frans de Waal's works)
• David Mech dominance articles (I pronounce his name wrong twice in this episode — my apologies! I was quite embarrassed when I realized. That's what I get for primary learning through written works. Oops. But the points about his works still stand.)
• Human control of resources / automatic dominance over dogs

A while ago I answered an "ask me anything" question on our Instagram story saying that no, Sean and I do not want human kids. I was completely floored at the number of messages — and diversity of responses — I received. So Sean and I sat down to dig into the topic further! We explore ways that dogs and kids do feel very similar to us, ways they're different, if having Scout fills the "role" of a kid for us at all, and some other nuance along the way.

Some links:

• Strange Planet comic I reference (unrelated to the actual topic but I said I'd include it, so I did!)
• January Instagram post talking about how I'm no longer completely resisting the "dog mom" label
• July Instagram post about how not wanting my own kids doesn't mean I hate kids
• Books I recommend to fellow dog owners (we mention Dog is Love a few times in this episode)
• My favorite Frans de Waal books for dog owners (seriously, go read Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are!)
• Blog about why it's sometimes helpful to think about my dog as a human friend (tangentially related to the parallels of dogs and kids / us both being social mammals)

Sean and Haley try to distill a massive topic into an hour of conversation: how our training has evolved over time with Scout and whether or not we regret things we did in the past. This topic was initially inspired by someone on Instagram asking us to discuss guilt about previous training methods and snowballed into an attempt to (at least at a high level) reflect on our journey over time.

There's a lot to unpack! So many confounding variables. Lots of emotions, too. But above all, we're happy about life with Scout today — and that means a lot to us.

I previously wrote about some of the things we discuss in this episode in an article on our blog. If you're looking for an organized, in-writing version, that's a good place to start. As always, happy to answer any questions or just talk dogs!