Explore every episode of the podcast Patio Lanterns

$jamesmichaelshannon2

Jake T. Carey joins us to accept recognition for nominating the eventual 2024 Song of the Summer winner, Porn Star Dancing. Stupid sexy vampires. Kurt is about to embark on another soul searching journey. Halloween is out of control. Discussing brain rot and niche instagram reels reaching our feeds.

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MAKING RYAN'S HOUSE A HOME

Kurt visits Ryan in Nelson, BC. Patio Lanterns High Season 2 brainstorm. We listen to the night train. Kurt volunteers. A key sponsor makes a comeback. Are towns too weird? 

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BLUE SKIES AND CRYSTAL CLEAR WATER,  AMEN

Ryan says farewell to Kelowna (and Best of Kelowna). After much deliberation we arrive at the Song of the Summer 2024.

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THE FINAL FOUR

The Song of the Summer nominations battle it out in a 16 team bracket.

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THIS IS THE STORY OF A VERY TALL MAN...

Ryan is looking for a fresh start in Nelson. Song of the Summer nominations are locked in. What has Alexander Grant been up to recently? Kurt watches Longlegs.

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INTRODUCING LORD KURT & LORD RYAN

Randy's localized phone plan. Boring jobs and boring people, why does everyone make everything so boring!!? Doctors being egomaniacs. Ryan's quest filled weekend in Vancouver. 

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The Daily did WHAT!?

We attend another silent disco. Ryan makes a big purchase. Does Michael Barbaro know what the Daily did with their July 24th, 2024 episode "The Lingering Questions about the Attempt to Kill Trump"? 

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DID THEY SHOOT THE MONKEY?

Ryan doesn't know how to pronounce Harambe. The return of digital cameras. A familiar name in the headlines again. Randy's obsession with water. A recent shooting makes us ponder if monkeys should be able to own guns. Zach Bryan and Taylor Swift are inevitable.

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JUSTICE FOR RACHEL

The Stanley Cup Final is over but Kurt is still not nervous. Ryan tries out the pork chops in Lumby. It's a crop top hot boy summer. We break down the television show, Succession, which only just recently ended.

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PODATHON CANCELLED

Ryan has a few too many mountain brews on his hike to Tuktoyaktuk. Kurt believes Arizona should be shut down. An uplifting story about the village of Elmswood. Joe Pavelski sucks! Dixon Dallas discovery. Best Local Podcast results...

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APES BAD

Ryan takes a road trip and ranks the communities within the East Kootenays. There's a bee infestation at Kurt's gym. Feeding Ryan brain nourishment on Instagram. Kurt's thoughts on Godzilla x Kong & Planet of the Apes. AI gaining momentum. Making the podcast more hygge.

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VOTE PATIO LANTERNS

- a public pooper is on the loose in the Okanagan

- Brian Kelley vs Tyler Hubbard -> we get you up to speed on the hottest feud in country music

- Ludacris ARRIVES on our Song of the Summer list (or does he?)

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VOTE PATIO LANTERNS

We have been nominated for Best Local Podcast. NHL playoff talk. Taylor Swift discussion. Where is Pierre McGuire? The mysterious monkey king. Song of the Summer nominations are open!

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POUR ONE OUT FOR OJ

Cicadas infestation incoming? The Canadian Country Music Awards are coming to Kelowna. How you laying (when you go to sleep)? The internet's dying. O.J. Simpson was "alert and chilling" on the couch drinking beer, watching TV 2 weeks before he died, lawyer says. 

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Announcing our campaign for:

Best local influencer

Best local podcast

Best overall Instagram account

Best overall TikTok account

Kelowna's pit. Pooping wonderland. Jake Gyllenhaal should be ashamed for his physique in "Roadhouse". Gym contracts. Rest in peace Kevin the goose. 

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We're speaking the Tennessee Truth

Spring garden goals. Kurt shares a plane with a celebrity on his way to California. BK and TJ of Florida Georgia Line reach Ross/Rachel levels of sexual tension. Pigeon talk boils over. Airports need to smarten up. 

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One hand on the wheel. Long, deep breaths. Caveman owns this road.

Kurt is back from Iceland with much to talk about including: his rental car freaking out and taking control of the wheel intermittently, no bathroom breaks, no lunch breaks, Iceland being a country boy's dream. The cat cloning lady is back! Randy listens intently.

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SPONGEBOB SUPER BOWL

Somebody poisoned Kelowna's trees, and they're still out there! The K-man begins grinding his way to corporate king status. Randy's insane ear muff headphones. Kurt dating in 3 cities at once. Manifesting tragedy for podcast content. Kurt prepares for his trip ahead to Iceland to chase volcano content.

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Featuring our favorite gameshow "WRITE IT OFF"

Quick Patio Date update. A fortune from a fortune cookie comes true. We play every accountant's favorite game, WRITE IT OFF. We discuss our interest in rearing kids, how many kids we'd like to rear (if any), and why or why not we think it's a good idea to rear these kids. Kurt opens up a world of possibilities on Hinge with one simple trick. Kurt recounts a romantic comedy experience on a plane to Paris.

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WE BLEW OUR CONTENT IN THE FIRST HALF

Aliens invade - are you getting drafted? Ryan has an ethical dilemma at the grocery store. Setting up a mugging on your first date. Our thoughts on lo-fi music. Getting into a serious car crash to meet your life partner. Is there a podathon in our future? 

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Happy New Year? Kurt explains his Cinderella experience after Raudz. Kurt and Ryan consider releasing invasive species into the Okanagan. Ryan becomes enthralled in TikTok academia. Epstein Island. Kurt announces that he is leaving the podcast again to go and find himself again. Would you pay money to avoid children in your day-to-day? What about old people?

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PATIO LANTERNS HIGH: EPISODE 5 (SEASON FINALE)

Old friends Wallace (Kurt) and Andre (Randy) haven't seen each another in one week and agree to meet for dinner. Andre, a once well-known biologist, dropped out of the island scene to travel the province, while Wallace stuck around, finding only mixed success as a podcaster. As they sit down to eat, Andre launches into a series of fantastic stories from his time away, and Wallace can't help but notice how different their worldviews have become.

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We've still got each other

A change to the BC Ferries reservation system has Randy fuming. Twin Peaks has us hooked! Kurt redownloads Tinder while Randy tries out Hinge premium. Who was Patio Lanterns' #1 listener from 2023? Thoughts on audiobooks. A discussion on the sudden rise in popularity of the divorced dad rock band, Creed. Should we try approaching women in real life?

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Crispy on the outside, tender and moist on the inside.

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman is booted out of the company. Fall is the time for relaxing or to be a piece of shit. The dating market takes a turn for the worse as we close in on the holidays. Ryan is trying out turtlenecks. Kurt is putting on a thick winter coat. Kurt starts watching the interesting and somewhat bizarre television show, Twin Peaks. After three years, Kurt and Ryan both beat Red Dead Redemption 2. Former OpenAI CEO Sam Altman is reinstated as CEO of OpenAI.

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PATIO DATE DELAYED

While waiting to iron out the remaining wrinkles to successfully launch PATIO DATE, Ryan investigates competitor apps. Has the algorithm predetermined our fates? A TikTok rant. Snapchat influencers are bizarre. 

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Happy Patioween!

[0:00] Patio Date founder Ryan Rancier joins us to address some rumors making the rounds and updates us on the upcoming launch of the new app. Should sports commentating go the way of the dinosaurs? A hero takes action on the streets of Kelowna. The worst chip.

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Two lone cowboys, Kurt and Ryan, host a popular podcast called "Patio Lanterns." Tired of their daily routines, they embarked on an adventure to find a place of peace and tranquility. Somewhere rural, closer to their roots.

As they journeyed through the wilderness, horses acting as extensions of their manhood, their bond deepened.

When they returned from the ranch, they recorded a special episode of their podcast, sharing their journey and feelings. The magical place, combined with their love, left them feeling refreshed and reenergized.

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Our longest episode ever.

Ryan travels to a small island where the goats outnumber the people. We discuss recent news such as the Mike Babcock resignation in Columbus and the Alien news out of Mexico. #FindKeith2023 update. Kurt wants to break up with his dental hygienist. Wasn't Tom Cruise supposed to go to space (or did he already)? Kurt gets h4cked on the livestream. A man makes too much money and he is mad.

Song of the Summer 2023 winner is announced...

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Patio Lanterns High: Part IV

It's prom night and the school courtyard is transformed into a prom wonderland, adorned with twinkling lights and decorations. Kurt (fresh out of juvenile detention) and Ryan, navigate the big night and their rocky relationships.

- Is Morgan Wallen a real person?

- Randy avoids hurricanes and hits up Jumbo's Clown Room in Southern California

- Kurt heads to Northern California and runs into some Napa Rebobs

- Where is Keith Cook Carlson Ross #findkeith2023

- The final 4 SOTS nominees are announced.

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Patio Lanterns High: The Halloween Special coming soon...

"Patio Lanterns High" is a thrilling supernatural high school drama that delves into the mysteries of a cursed town, testing the bonds of friendship and bravery as its characters confront their deepest fears and unravel a centuries-old enigma.

- Aliens are real but who cares?

- Ryan and Kurt recreate a famous scene from The Fast and the Furious

- Ryan rants on raising money for a good cause

- Kim Mitchell stinks?

- Kurt has an encounter with a strange island man.

- The Lost Episode finally released. Next up, Patio Lanterns the Podcast the Movie.

- SOTS nominations

- [45:00] We saw Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part 1  *spoilers*

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5 YEARS IN THE MAKING

Originally intended to be released in 2018, the (first) "lost" episode became a significant talking point over the years. It has evolved. And it's finally here. Enjoy.

Eddie Spaghetti, the moon pr team, poop from the sky, Coffey Anderson, Chase Rice, live studio audiences, Keith Cook Carlson Ross (VISIS), bears=deaf people, would you rathers, Wilford Brimley, Cinnabon, sex dolls, Paul Flart.

Featuring our favorite clips from the following episodes:

Bears, beets, deaf people (2018)

Jurassic Lifestyle (2018)

The Goat (2018)

The Return of the Kurt (2018)

Whose Fart Is It Anyway? (w/ Paul Flart) (2018)

Sex Dolls (w/ Wilford Brimley) (2018)

Audio Trouble Investigation Squad (2019)

The Late Show with Kurt & Ryan (ft. Kent MacDonald) (2019)

I'll Have the Tuna, No Crust (w/ Ryder Hoy) (2019) Is that barbeque sauce on your neck? (2019)

Fat Cats and Where to Find Them (2019)

Eddie Spaghetti (2019)

Spring breakers (ft. Coffey Anderson) (2020)

POOPBUSTERS (2020)

R&R (Ryan & Ron) (2020)

The Berenstein Dilemma (2020)

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Patio Lanterns High: Part III

- What happened to Threads?

- X Gon' Give It To Ya

- Jason Aldean cancelled

- Randy and Caveman hit up the silent disco

- A tip to stay cool and stretch out your pants

- What's going on with all these grasshoppers?

- An update on the Lost Episode

- SOTS nominations

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This time on PATIO LANTERNS HIGH...

- Ryan forces Kurt to watch all the Mission: Impossible movies

- Kurt is KO'd by bacon and eggs

- Butter + bread + olive oil + barley + water type businesses

- LinkedIn lunatics and introducing Alexander Grant

- Threads is out and Ryan is a day 1 user

- SOTS nominations

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We invite superfans Christina, Alix, and Sascha onto the podcast to discuss our current and past lives.

Just who is the Yellow-Vested Woman?

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Kurt is back from Asia and Europe

- Oiled up babies wrestling bulls

- Turkish baths & slaps

- Ryan's extravagant baths

- Old people smell

- Beautiful Parisians

- We saw Fast X

[0:00] We discuss Kurt's travels

[57:30] Fast X (spoilers) discussion

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LOYAL TO THE OIL

Kurt gets oiled up in anticipation of Game 5 of the Edmonton Oilers vs Los Angeles Kings in the playoffs. Ryan goes off on naturopaths. We reflect back and look ahead as Patio Lanterns celebrates 5 years! Kurt's a little lost and hopes to find what he's looking for on his next big trip. Ryan turns to artificial intelligence to create his dating app In Real Life.

This episode is on YouTube. Check it out!

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ELECT BIGFOOT FOR SHERIFF

- Kurt, the bachelor, heads down to the USA to celebrate

- Ryan describes his gory experience shaving his head

- A friend of the podcast's ass

- Does draft beer get you more drunk?

- Employers need to start writing their own cover letters

- Ryan's dating app "In Real Life"

Join the waitlist for In Real Life

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FRIENDLY STALKERS ONLY PLEASE [0 mins]: Randy orders some new flattering jeans. Kurt contemplates quitting the gym after trying out some local spin classes. Street sweepers take over the local headlines. 

[30:30 mins]: Friend of the show, Zoe, joins us on the patio. We discuss her recent move to London (England), dating, taking "the tube", and getting lost in the woods with Ryan.

Ryan gets cornered by a pack of wild dogs in Mexico. We need a psychic to help Kurt get some damn sleep. The Valentine's Day effect sends ripples through the dating world. Kurt stars in a movie. Randy's insane travel toiletry bag. We let content run our lives.

We head to the mountains to relax and record this episode.

Randy finally tries the bidet. A man gets panini'd at the gym. The Fast X trailer. The Apple Music fake crowd noise halftime show. Kurt gets mistaken for Dylan Sprouse (again). Ryan teases a new business case. An increase in paranormal activity since the Chinese balloon was shot down. Physiotherapists vs chiropractors. Raising the decibel level of a conversation.

WET FEBRUARY HAS ARRIVED

Randy joins TikTok around the same time a Chinese surveillance balloon is spotted hovering over Eastern USA. One of us receives a special flower delivery. Another failed dating app and another successful ladies' spin night has Kurt on the lookout for girl friends. Do single male cat owners deserve another chance? A bot romances Kurt. 

Dry January may be bad for your health. Kurt's attendance in accounting class is accounted for. The dating apps are all dried up - Kurt provides his definitive rankings of the ones you know, and the ones you don't. Ryan gets into an altercation over a pool table. *BREAKING NEWS* The cat clone from last year suffers a setback. Country artists not getting enough credit. Round sectional couches and why Randy wrecked a stranger's home. Use promo code FRANK20 for 20% off your first purchase at AthleticBrewing.ca

LET'S GET PRIMITIVE

Randy hosts a holiday cocktail party with a surprising guest appearance. New Year's lives up to the hype! An AI takes control of Randy's life, one email at a time...Weather apps cannot be trusted. A heated debate on rice cookers. 

ALTERNATE TITLE: Our dinner with Raud

Caveman and Randy with a special in-person Christmas episode. Randy introduces a new word. Adriene's extremely specific yoga videos. The stark contrast between morning and evening news. Are we out on partying? Kurt is a cat. We don't understand the Addams Family.

The Penticton park bomber is locked up. Kurt is striving for hygge. Randy and Pa head out turkey hunting. Kurt does not like live music. More LinkedIn content. A mattress story. Luke Bryan's outrageous concerts.

You can support friend of the show, Jake T Carey, and programs devoted to men's health by donating here through Movember:

https://movember.com/m/13990077?mc=1

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I am Dogelon. Dogelon Mars. Join me and together we will reach the stars.

The boys gaslight each other. Kurt considers moving his social media presence entirely to LinkedIn where people appreciate quality content. Cosplaying your job. Plumber problems. We try to figure out if we lost our 9 million dogelon mars coins.

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We're coming through your earbuds!

Kurt - inspired by his travels - installs a bidet at home! It's beach season and Ryan ranks all of Kelowna's beaches. Our thoughts on Midnights by Tswift (and a sidebar on deluxe albums). The Hell's Kitchen button on Kurt's remote. A funny feeling at the gym...

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Kurt finds himself. Again.

- Kurt is back from Bali & Singapore. Lots to discuss!

- Sentient robots & toilets.

- Jet lag isn't real.

- Loblaws gives Canadians the break they need.

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SONG OF THE SUMMER 2022 REVEAL

Ryan joins the next big app for young people! Dodge discontinuing the Challenger and Charger and Vin Diesel is missing. Fans from across the world flock to Burnaby, BC for a chance to appear in Nickelback's new music video.

This episode is on YouTube. Check it out!

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We trim down our Song of the Summer nominations to just 4 in suspenseful fashion.

This is the first episode we've uploaded to YouTube. Check it out!

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