Explore every episode of the podcast Parenting Teenagers Untangled: The award-winning podcast for parents of tweens and teens, offering realistic, science-backed advice for calmer, more connected family life.
Dive into the complete episode list for Parenting Teenagers Untangled: The award-winning podcast for parents of tweens and teens, offering realistic, science-backed advice for calmer, more connected family life.. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Your Teen Is Already Using AI: How Parents can Talk About It
"Learning is struggle, and kids need to get comfortable struggling with learning." That's according to Jenny Anderson, who spends much of her time writing about what is happening at the frontline of parenting, education and AI. She explains that the big problem for educators and parents who want the best for their kids is that Silicon Valley is trying to take away as much of the struggle as possible. "The F word in Silicon Valley is friction. They want to get rid of friction, right?"
AI is now sweeping across every platform we use and for us parents, who felt blindsided by the introduction of smartphones, this is yet another challenge where we're navigating the frontline of something we don't fully understand.
In this interview Jenny gives us some excellent advice on how to navigate the latest challenge we've been handed, in a way that doesn't make life much harder for us and ensures our kids get the best rather than the worst out of this new technology.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health?
In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life.
One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty earlier, while the information age is bombarding them with vast amounts of new data and ways of comparing themselves before they're developmentally ready.
In response, instead of going out to conquer the world, they're now conquering on the inside, which is why he's called them Generation Rumination.
What explains adolescent behaviors, risk-taking, reward-seeking, and the ongoing mental health crisis? How does adolescence shape the future of the species? What is the nature of adolescence itself?
In this episode, Matt explains why the neurological mismatch between an ultra-potent environment and a still-maturing brain can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.
More importantly, he gives us solid, science-backed techniques, to help our kids navigate a difficult new world.
Matt Richtel: https://www.mattrichtel.com/
For a PDF printout of the advice given by Matt in this episode go to Rachel's Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
When things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary.
Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times
“We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to name and shame a school or engage in a WhatsApp pile-on, but schools need to make sure they have thought through how they engage parents to nip issues in the bud.”
The charity Parentkind found in a poll of 2,000 parents that 38% had filed a formal school complaint in the past year, with the total number of complaints exceeding five million in just one year.
Common areas of concern included bullying, student safety, school discipline and behaviour policies, homework, and teacher conduct.
Elsom says says Parents are under enormous pressure with a cost-of-living crisis and ever increasing challenges at home, which sometimes spills over into the classroom, with parents complaining to schools about what they are hearing from their children and on WhatsApp groups.“
Meanwhile nearly two thirds, or 65%, of school leaders say parental complaints increased during the 2023/24 academic year in a survey by UK and Ireland law firm Browne Jacobson.
Nine in 10 (90%) believe complaints-handling is having a detrimental impact on staff wellbeing, with other knock-on effects cited including the quality of education being delivered (53%) and staff retention (48%).
Melanie Sanderson, GOOD SCHOOLS GUIDE: https://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
One in eight UK teenagers now suffers from an eating disorder, according to the latest figures from the UK's National Health Service. That's a shocking fifteen-fold increase since before Covid.
These disorders are notoriously sneaky; parents I've spoken to say they creep up on us and it can take a long time to realise what's going on.
It's even worse if we focus in on seventeen to nineteen year olds where one in twenty boys and one in five girls has an eating disorder.
In this episode Rachel talks Umairah Malek, the Clinical Coordinator at the UK charity, Beat. She explains what an eating disorder is, what to look out for, and gives some great tips for how to support your loved one through to recovery.
Resources: The EAT-26 is a self-help test that takes just minutes to complete. [1] Mental Health America has a different version with fewer questions. [2]
Neither test can diagnose an eating disorder, but they can help you understand if your symptom severity is improving. So taking them, and tracking your scores, could be helpful.
Books: www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/helpful-books/ Hadley Freeman, Good Girls: A story and study of anorexia.
Netflix: Everything Now - After months in recovery for an eating disorder, 16-year-old Mia devises a bucket list of quintessential teen experiences to make up for lost time.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We all want the best for our kids, but there's a tricky balancing act between giving them the freedom to make the mistakes that build resiliency, and stepping in to protect and guide them.
There's been a modern shift towards close management of our kids, and a constant eye on academic grades. But it's worth considering how to ensure our desire to support them doesn't end up having unintended consequences; stripping them of their ambition, self advocacy, and desire to tackle things in life that are hard.
It's also worth considering how we parents will feel when that all-encompassing role begins to fade and they need to live life independent of us.
This episode takes a look at some of the modern styles of parenting, including the benefits and the problems in terms of turning out rounded adults. We also look at steps we can take to increase agency in our older teens in a way that will ease them into adulthood.
If you're committed enough to listen to the very end you'll also hear our blooper.
RESOURCES USED: Operation Varsity Blues on Netflix https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/helicopter-parents-do-they-help-or-hurt-kids-1095041 https://www.mongooseresearch.com/blog/bulldozer-parents#:~:text=What's%20a%20bulldozer%20parent%3F,their%20child%20may%20come%20across. https://parentology.com/what-is-bulldozer-parenting/ https://www.businessinsider.com/helicopter-how-bulldozer-parents-harm-their-children-2023-6?r=US&IR=T
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Has your kid seen porn? Research says 1 in 3 kids have seen explicit, hardcore porn by the age of 12, many by accident.
Whether or not your tween or teen has seen it the fact that hardcore porn is widely available, free, and easily accessed from any device with an internet connection will be having an impact on the whole culture they are growing up in.
We want our teens to feel that it's normal and natural to be interested in sex, and want to explore what's out there, but talking about it the modern issues can be a minefield. Whilst we're openly trying to teach our kids about consent, and educate our boys to be respectful of women, what they might be accessing online is the opposite. Much of it is degrading, and objectifying, and normalises potentially dangerous and harmful sexual behaviour.
A lot of parents I have spoken with don't know how to have those conversations, so I contacted Dr Mandy Sanchez, from Culture Reframed, an organisation that provides free education resources and worksheets for parents. In this episode she talks about how, and when, to talk about porn with your kid.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
In an era where house prices have gone up, wages have stagnated, and young people are staying in the family home for longer, how do we manage the transition to adulthood whilst our young are still living at home?
One of the big debates for parents is whether teens and young adults should pay rent. So when one of our listeners asked us to talk about it, we thought it would be a great topic for our club.
It’s definitely one to think about well beforehand, because your attitude to it will become an important subliminal message to your teen.
For some, seeing your child move out, or start to pay rent is a critical stage in growing up. For others, the idea of charging your teenager - or any member of your family - rent is an absolute no-go.
In fact the age at which our kids leave home varies wildly in different cultures; even within the same continent. Across Europe the average age of leaving home is 26, but in Sweden and Denmark it's closer to 21 and in Croatia and Malta it's nearly 32.
We discuss the concept of being a teenager, how different cultures think about the topic, and the pros and cons of charging rent.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Nobody would argue against the benefits of exercise, but there are lots of school kids who dread physical education lessons, and dodge exercise whenever it's raised.
When Nicola contacted us asking for advice on how to get her 12 year old daughter to do more exercise we thought it was a perfect topic for us to discuss.
It turns out that lack of exercise in teens is a worldwide problem, most pronounced in South Korea, and that teen girls significantly trail boys in doing the recommended amounts of exercise in almost every country around the world.
‘Globally, during adolescence, ‘girls’ worlds shrink, while boys’ expand’. One study finds that the map of 14-yo girls’ day-to-day movements is 2/5 the size of that of their 11-yo selves, and only 1/3 the size of 14-yo male peers’ movements. In Texas, teenage girls do 65% less physical activity than boys. Girls drop out of sport clubs in adolescence at far higher rates than boys. This sets a trend for life.’ Dr Rachel Hewitt author of In Her Nature
We talk about what it feels like to come from a family that doesn't exercise, some of the big barriers to it such as lack of facilities, space, shame, and public perception of who should be exercising.
Hopefully this will help us, as parents, to focus on ways in which we can support our teens to get more active. It will definitely benefit them and, if we lead by example, the benefit will be for the entire family.
BOOKS: Bounce: Matthew Syed
TIPS: https://www.parkrun.org.uk/ App my daughter loves: Couch to 5k runner (yellow) by Fitness22 www.boostfit.com
Parenting teenagers and media literacy. (0:02)
News consumption, physical activity levels in teens. (3:33)
Children's fitness and the importance of basic strength. (11:18)
UK school policies and gender equality in sports. (16:04)
Motivating kids to exercise and the impact of parental influence. (20:36)
Promoting physical activity and exercise for families. (24:31)
Promoting physical activity for teenagers. (28:49)
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The words non-binary, queer, trans, are regularly used in social media and the news nowadays. Many teens are far more educated on their significance than us parents; in fact many of us would be completely unprepared over how to support a child that announces they're trans.
In some countries, and communities, anything that veers from heterosexual is still punished. In many first world countries there has been a large shift towards acceptance and understanding of people who don't fit into societal norms.
School environments are being adapted to provide accommodations. For some, this seems like an obvious progression, and rooted in kindness and care. For others this can feel very challenging, even offensive if it impinges on other rights.
Even if our own children aren't affected, they are living in a world were things have changed dramatically from when we were teenagers, so I decided we'd all benefit from listening to someone with extensive experience, and refreshing perspectives on gender.
Stella O'Malley's a psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and parent, with many years’ experience working as a mental health professional. She's also the founder of Genspect, an international alliance of professionals, trans people, de-transitioners, parent groups and others who seek high-quality care for gender-related distress.
https://www.stellaomalley.com/
Her podcast is called Gender: A Wider Lens, and her co-authored book is called When Kids Say They're Trans.
You can find out more about her at our website www.teenagersuntangled.com
Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
In most episodes Rachel uses her journalistic background to trawl through studies and find out what a range of experts think about a topic. Susie brings her wealth of knowledge and experience of mindfulness and parenting to the microphone. Together, the two of us talk about the reality of parenting.
We're going to continue with that, but thought it might be nice to broaden the format to talk about current affairs topics, and how they affect us and our listeners.
In this episode we chat about the latest in teen slang; which can be hilarious. We also discuss the banning of mobile phones in schools, why it's happening, why it hasn't happened before, and what the benefits and issues are that surround it.
Also, we talk about exams. With the shift towards AI, is our education system really offering our teens what they need to equip themselves for being an adult? Are the subjects we study, and the way in which they are studied, still fit for purpose? Given that we can't get rid of AI, should we be incorporating it into the school curriculum?
We don't promise answers, but we're very keen to think about it, because these issues directly affect our teens.
We really enjoyed making this episode. What do you think? Shall we do it more regularly, or do prefer the research episodes? Would you like to hear more interviews? We're here for you (and to learn for our own sakes.)
CHAPTERS: 2:01 Teen lingo 7:10 Reviews 9:07 The things that trigger us are an opportunity to know ourselves better. 12:32 Getting stuck in an emotional spiral. 15:57 Mobile phone ban in schools
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Deciding to split can be an incredibly challenging time for any married couple, but knowing the impact it can have on our kids can make it even harder to navigate the complex untangling of a life together.
We were asked by one listener to talk about it, because she has a family member who's planning to divorce once their teen has finished their main exams, but keeping it quiet in the meantime. It's a tricky question; do we stay together for the kids, when do we tell them, and how?
In this episode we talk about a news article that claims teenagers are the ultimate marriage wrecker, the impact on teens who live with parents in an unhappy marriage, and whether they are better or worse off than those in a single parent family.
We talk about the best way to tell your teen you are splitting, an innovative way of dealing with it called nesting, which allows the kids to stay at home whilst the parents move in and out, and the new apps that can ease the burden of communication.
Whatever path you choose, one of the best bits of advice I always give divorcing couples, is to try and choose a legal service that's trained in reconciliation to reduce the fighting, and cost, of going through such a difficult process.
THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP: A few apps; but there are many out there:
https://supportpay.com/
https://www.cozi.com/
https://www.custodyxchange.com/
https://www.onwardapp.com/
www.separatespace.co.uk Legal and mental health professionals who specialize in divorce. www.restoredlives.org online courses for people going through break-ups
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Stacy messaged to tell us that her son had come home with a hickey for a second time, and she wasn't sure whether her reaction was the right one. My goodness, parenting can be hard.
Remember when you had your very first date? The butterflies, the nervous laughter, and the constant fear of saying the wrong thing? Now imagine your teen going through the same rollercoaster of emotions.
In our latest podcast, we take a look at the words being used for dating, what teens are getting out of it; which is a lot of personal growth, excitement, and status.
Don't miss the top tips on how to be the best parent possible to a teen who's started dating.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Everybody knows intelligence is important, but until the 90's we relied on the testing of IQ to measure it. The problem was that IQ didn't really predict success. When the term emotional intelligence began being used it became clear that it may well provide the missing link for understanding what makes some people more successful than others.
A teenager with a higher EQ will be better at communicating with others, and that helps them to resolve conflicts, understand where other people are coming from and support them. All of this helps them to manage their own emotions and overcome life's challenges.
The REALLY good news is that, unlike IQ, it isn't fixed; we can grow our EQ, and we can help our teens to develop theirs too.
So, when Betty asked us to take a look at how she can do that for her twins we decided it was a great topic to discuss.
EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts.
In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to be.
Dr Foulkes has a fascinating take on mental health and whether our well-intentioned conversations around the subject, especially in schools and on social media, might have gone too far; creating confusion or even anxiety for parents and young people.
If you want a nuanced, evidence-based discussion that will help you support your teen with more confidence and less fear you've found it.
Dr. Lucy Foulkes: Books
What Mental Illness Really Is (…and what it isn’t)
Coming Of Age: How Adolescence Shapes Us,
Website: https://www.lucyfoulkes.com/
Book recommended: The End of Trauma by George Bonanno
It’s important not to pathologize normal adolescent struggles. Not all teenagers have mental health problems. Most are resilient and functioning well.
All distress should be taken seriously, not just clinical disorders.
Increased mental health awareness only helps if there is proper back-up and support for those who really need it.
Mental health terms are often misunderstood. Words like “OCD” are often used casually, diluting their meaning and making it harder for those with real disorders to be understood and supported.
The narrative that phones and social media are causing a mental health crisis is oversimplified and often exaggerated (as in Jonathan Haidt’s work).
Parental engagement and open conversations matter. The best approach is to guide teens in managing technology, set consistent family rules, and model healthy behavior, rather than banning devices or demonizing their use.
Both online and offline experiences can be positive or negative; it’s about finding a healthy mix and not assuming one is always better than the other.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
I'd never heard of a Gap Year until I took one, but it was life-changing; in a good way.
Whether your teen is starting out at senior school, or about to hit a transition year, it's worth talking with them about whether taking a gap in their education or work life is a good thing, because the earlier and more they think about what they might like to achieve the more they might get out of it.
In this episode we discuss:
When is the best time to take a gap year?
The benefits and the drawbacks.
How to structure and plan a gap year.
Transitioning back to home and school after you've been away.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped.
Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation.
In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'.
The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.
BOOKS: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs You Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela Lamas Being Mortal by Atul Gawande Smoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty The Choice by Edith Eger PODCAST: https://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dying
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
For most of our episodes I research a topic and discuss it with Susie. We covered anxiety some time ago in that format, and it's continued to be one of our most popular downloads. So, when I was given the opportunity to interview a specialist in the area, I jumped at the chance. In this interview, Renee Mill talks about the model she uses to treat patients, called the Ebb Flow model. #
We also covered:
How important it is to avoid labelling ourselves and how just talking about anxiety, and understanding why you have it, won't necessarily fix it.
How important it is to treat symptoms of anxiety as soon as possible, to unwire the track of thinking before it becomes entrenched.
How our belief about an event will be one of the key reasons why we react the way we do.
How to prepare our kids for their transition to a new school, and why it's so important to calm our own nerves about it and tune into the individual child and what they might need.
How 'collaborative parenting', being a calm container, can really help our teens.
How important it is to be clear about our values and beliefs with our teens.
How important it is to be authentic with our kids.
How choose to do things that aren't really important to us, but are things others are doing, set us up for failure.
How articulating feelings can be very challenging for teens, and having a 'feelings' vocabulary can really support them.
I loved Renee's point about having a list of emotions, and found this worksheet that we parents can use to try and identify our feelings, and those of our teens. https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/list-of-emotions
You can find our previous discussion about anxiety here: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
A holiday is when someone is free to do what they want, such as travel or relax. That's according to the Cambridge Dictionary.
The problem with teenagers, is that what they want to do for several weeks over summer - such as sleep or use their electronic devices all day - may not fit with what we think they should be doing.
Also, having them around, doing what they want, may not be very relaxing for others who're also on holiday, or trying to work.
So how do we survive the school holidays in a way that leaves us, and our relationships, unscathed?
Top tip: lower your expectations of yourself and them for at least the first two weeks, and avoid comparisons with other families.
1:26 Review: a safe haven 2:25 Review of Bigorexia episode 2:51 Hope for parents of kids who fight 4:31 Coaching resilience 6:43 Holidays with teens
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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The transition from junior to senior school can be thrilling; the chance to meet a much bigger group of kids, and gain more of the independence that's part of growing up. But change is always stressful, and when you combine a big shake up of friend groups with puberty, having to navigate your way around a larger school campus, and the immense pressure of having to study for endless exams, it's not surprising that the first year can feel very tricky.
As one parent said, 'If your kid can get through that first year of senior school without wanting to stay home, or leave the school, then you're winning.'
So what can we parents do to really help with the transition?
OTHER EPISODES: TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/ SCREEN TIME MANAGEMENT: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/ FRIENDSHIP GROUPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
In this interview with Danielle Winton of Memory Strategy we talked about:
* Why we should care about memory stategies. * Key things parents can do to support their teens. * How to link a number to music. * Everyone can polish up their memory. * Using your body as a memory palace. * How to help yourself with memorizing names. * Using blurting to check what you remember. * Mind-mapping and memory. * Why to get students to be more creative about learning.
For more about parenting teenagers listen to our podcast Teenagers Untangled, or go to the website www.teenagersuntangled.com
For more on improving your memory, and the work of Danielle Winton, go to www.memorystrategy.com
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Snapchat has become a must-have for most teens, because it's now the way they stay in touch with their friends. The filters make it fun, they can see where their friends are on Snapmaps, and the instant photos give them a quick and easy contact point.
But one of our listeners has contacted us asking for help with it. She says her teen son was already struggling to control himself when it comes to screens so she's delayed allowing him to have Snapchat, but caved because all of his friends are using it.
Now, she says, he is always on a device and easily finds ways around the controls they have been trying to put in place; primarily to access Snapchat.
Our previous episode on Screens and Teens covers the ways in which you can tackle it. It's not the amount of screen time we should worry most about, it's what they are doing with their screens.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Boys and men who display a muscular physique that's 'ripped', or 'cut' get more likes and shares than other accounts on social media, so the algorithms behind the platforms are feeding a strong trend in muscle building amongst teen boys. But who ends up feeding the ravenously hungry, and is it all healthy?
Louise has asked us for help with how to manage feeding her growing lad. Her son – who’s 17 - goes to the gym to muscle-build five days a week and then expects her to provide him with the foods that go with his lifestyle. With the current financial climate, she says can’t afford to provide him with all the food to match his gym needs. She expects him to ask if he wants to take food because some of it is earmarked for an evening meal or baking. Sometimes he asks, sometimes he just helps himself. She says they’re continually falling out over this and she'd like some tips on how to deal with it.
The term Bigorexia was raised during my interview with Mike Nicholson from Progressive Masculinity. It's used to describe a particular form of body dysmorphia and controlled eating that's hard to spot, because the people suffering look outwardly super-healthy. It's a growing issue, and little understood, so we decided to use this episode to talk about both problems and give you some ideas for how to tackle them.
RESOURCES: Do you have body dysmorphic disorder? Check here: https://bddfoundation.org/information/do-i-have-bdd-test/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them.
One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions.
Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often.
Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger. [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/.
Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide. [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023]
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The term toxic masculinity has been gaining traction, and is often used to talk about the type of masculinity where men use dominance, violence and control to gain power and superiority over others. There's also been an increase in efforts to educate boys in how to talk more about their feelings. But with the rise of Incels, Andrew Tate, free porn, and pick up artists, you could be forgiven for wondering whether we're really making progress at all.
So I contacted Mike Nicholson, Director of a programme called Progressive Masculinity. He goes into schools to talk to boys about masculinity. My key aim was to ask him more about how we as parents can better support our boys to develop a healthy style of masculinity.
Mike Nicholson: www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk Other useful episodes on this topic: Andrew Tate and the mansophere: 33 Pornography: 13 Teen male friendships and the 'man box': 16
Great role model: LeBron James - American basketball player, father and philanthropist. Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/ Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDo
Role models suggested by Mike: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/progressive-masculinity-and-great-models-for-our-boys/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up?
In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement.
Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few resources exist to help parents navigate the transition from authority figure to trusted ally.
*Research shows that about one in four American adults—27%—report estrangement from a family member. Notably, 26% of adult children have experienced estrangement from a father, compared to only 6% from a mother—and many of these rifts eventually heal.
We discuss why adult children might cut ties with parents, and what we can do now—while our kids are tweens or teens—to build a strong, lasting relationship.
We cover:
The most common reasons adult children become estranged from their parents
The key mistakes parents make (and how to avoid them)
How to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into adulthood
The impact of parental expectations, grief, and cultural pressures on family bonds
Practical strategies for fostering trust, open communication, and unconditional love
Real-life stories of reconciliation and hope
Catherine Hickem brings decades of experience working with thousands of families, offering actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
What's better than falling in love again, particularly after a divorce or breakdown of a previous relationship? If you've managed to find someone special in the messy tangle of life as a parent it can feel like a miracle, but your teen may not be anywhere near as enthusiastic about you moving on.
When Jamie asked us for help with how she can introduce her new partner to her teen we knew it was a great one for us to discuss. In this episode we talk about when to do it, how, and suggest ways to ensure your teenager sees it as a positive, rather than something that might ruin their life.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We all know that teenagers need their friends, and spending time with others protects against anxiety and all sorts of other mental health problems. At the same time, groups of teens are far more likely to take risks and behave in a delinquent manner, which is what one of our listeners has discovered. Aged 13, her son has already started doing things with his friends that have got him into trouble with the police, so she's come to us for help.
In this episode we talk about long-term trends in teenage delinquency, what we know about the teenage brain, and the one key thing she can do to keep him from messing up badly whilst he's at this vulnerable age.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
An interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover.
It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to follow, online safety, and how to put your best self forward online.
What I thought might be particularly useful for us parents was the Tips and Tricks section at the back. I'm going to use each heading to bring up discussions at the dinner table so that we can have informed conversations about the issues involved.
Book: Clicks: How to be Your Best Self Online by Natasha Devon MBE www.natashadevon.com
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Everything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively. For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep?
Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsiveness or poor grades are really a result of teenage hormones? Could they be caused by a chronic sleep deficit? In this episode we look at how much sleep our teens should be getting, how we can support them in reaching that goal, and the one tip for helping them to shift their sleep window.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it.
As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements.
In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens.
Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it?
Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we support them. We talk about the top tips from Jade Bowler, who went from a U in Chemistry to an A*, and how important it is for us to help our teens keep their perspective.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Most first world countries agree that the age of consent is around sixteen, but teenagers don't suddenly awake to their sexuality on their sixteenth birthday. Sexual feelings and interest can start much younger, well before they’re able to understand the implications. One mother has asked us to talk about the issue, because she's struggling to find useful content.
Knowing the law helps guide us as parents, but it doesn't exactly stop teens from vaping and drinking if they want to, so we have to be prepared to consider how to deal with underage interest in sex too.
Gone are the days when most people held back until marriage, and with the advent of free internet porn and social media there's a chance that our teens may know more about sex than we do.
So what should we be saying to them, how do we keep them safe, and how can we help them to know when they're ready for that next adventure in life?
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock.
So how much should we be talking with our teen's teachers, does it make much of a difference, and what's the best way of going about it?
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point.
Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?
Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat,
So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference.
This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens.
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:
When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay Longworth
The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters
RESOURCES:
How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allan
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.
Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable.
The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.'
In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route.
There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed.
Content - what people can access
Contact - who they can be put in contact with
Consumerism - selling to young and vulnerable minds
Conduct - the way they behave in a digital environment
In this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them.
The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR:
We need to be
Consistent in our rules
Persistent in their application
Resistent to the begging of our kids
Personally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to consider, and will produce a booklet of discussion questions to help us parents understand what needs to be covered when we give our kids a phone.
CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS: Further details coming on my website
How much time and when they are online - Ep. 96
Showing up as our best selves online - Ep. 43
Family values - Ep. 93 & Ep. 135
Downloading apps and what needs to be discussed before they do - Ep. 50
Commercialism: how we are being targeted and why it's an issue - Ep. 130
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible.
In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Nicotine is considered highly addictive, and sales of vapes to teens are illegal, but the numbers of teens vaping nicotine in countries around the world are causing great concern.
In America, the FDA called it an epidemic and is cracking down on the marketing and illegal sales of e-cigarettes to minors.
France’s anti-tobacco lobby called for the immediate ban of a brand of flavoured, disposable e-cigarettes - that are cheap and look like highlighters - which have become a hit with teenagers who’re drawn to neon colours and fun flavours.
A recent study in affluent SA schools showed one in four students are vaping.
In England, even the big supermarkets have been caught selling vapes that are above regulated nicotine strength.
So what's actually going on and - as parents - what can we do?
Blog post: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/vaping-and-what-i-would-do-if-i-discovered-my-teen-was-using/
WATCH WITH YOUR TEEN: Big Vape - Broken Series on Netflix https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14081634/ McCall Mirabella - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IluaaGVtJFU
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
The 'social contract' between families and schools has been broken during the pandemic, and ongoing absence of kids is a 'deep and concerning problem' according to Amanda Spielman, chief of the UK schools watchdog. Rates of school refusal and truanting are a huge problem in other countries too.
Finding the right approach for dealing with it is crucial, because whatever the reason for missing school it takes a lot of fixing and is a symptom of something else that needs to be unpicked.
RESOURCES:
The printable anxiety iceberg sheet: https://phecanada.ca/sites/default/files/content/docs/teach-resiliency/Iceberg.jpg
How to make a self-soothe box: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/how-to-make-a-self-soothe-box/
RESEARCH AND LINKS TO HELP: www.schoolrefusal.co.uk
Parenting Tips 26: How to help your teen with friendship skills. Parenting Tips 19: What if you don't like your teen's friends? Parenting Tips 17: The lying teenager. Parenting Tips 16: Boy friendships. Parenting Tips 14: Anxiety. Parenting Tips 12: Bullying. Parenting Tips 10: Girls navigating friendship groups. Parenting Tips 5: The academic struggler.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.
If you have a son who spends time online he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in social media. Whether the words red pill, matrix, and manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt.
My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.
Top tips:
Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.
Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.
Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way. Don't shame them.
Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.
Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.
Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in.
It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everything changes again. The trick seems to be getting the right balance between love and discipline, but how do we know what that is?
It’s very easy to overreact, and when that happens our relationship with our teen can suffer. The foundation we want to build on is a strong relationship in which they feel heard and understood.
So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?
If you want more detail about how to mend your relationship so consequences will work, then you'll find my blog really helpful.
Parenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits.
The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?
In this podcast:
We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you. How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy. And how using positivity can keep us going.
Some ideas:
Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answer
Find one on one time with each child
Don't text and drive
Create a tech contract
Create a chores contract
Yell less
Listen more
Sort out sleep routines
End your work day
Find space for you
Don't judge out loud
Let your teen cook once a week
Don't judge people out loud
Let your teen make their mistakes so they learn from them
Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see
Practice gratitude
Build a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situation
Make time for your partner
Get outside more
Sit down to family meals more often
Find games or activities you can all enjoy together
Resources: Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold. https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/ https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/ https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/ https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times, but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated.
The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship.
Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all the difference.
Given that both of us are step-parents, it seemed like a great topic to discuss after Kathryn reached out to us to ask if we'd help with the situation in her home.
In this episode we cover the critical importance of:
Bonding with the step-child.
Forming a stable and united front with your new partner.
Taking care not to take on the role of disciplining your bonus child but providing solid back-up for their biological parent.
Making sure that your own needs are understood and met.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it.
For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong.
Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party.
RESOURCES USED: https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/teen-parties https://www.whosthemummy.co.uk/teenage-house-parties-survival-tips-for-parents/ Wellington College UK document 'Alcohol and Parties.'
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment?
One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73% spend most of their free time on screens.
The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy.
Whilst it's normal for teens to spend a lot of time alone in their rooms there seems to have been a general change in the amount of physical time that teens are spending socialising. We'll talk another time about parties, and managing them, but this time we discuss those all-important social skills and what we, as parents, can do to hep our teens develop them.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children.
Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.
We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment.
That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things.
Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle.
TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE:
1. Lead with Empathy, Not Authority
Start by acknowledging how hard parenting can be."I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience, not a hierarchy.
2. Ask, Don’t Assume
Instead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation:
"Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?" "Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?" This gives them control, which preserves their dignity.
3. Share, Don’t Instruct
Frame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription:
"What really helped us was..." "I read something interesting the other day about how teens..."
Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements.
4. Validate Before You Advise
Before offering tips, show you understand their situation:
"That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried." Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas.
5. Focus on Curiosity, Not Criticism
You might say:
"Have you noticed if she gets more upset when..." "Do you think he might be reacting to...?" This invites reflection rather than implying fault.
6. Know When to Just Be There
Sometimes advice isn’t what they need—just a calm presence or someone to say:
"You're doing better than you think."
Mo Gawdat quote:
Mo Gawdat defines happiness as a state where your perception of life's events is equal to or greater than your expectations.
Break Ups episode mentioned in the reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-support-our-kids-through-the-turmoil/
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. '
There are many articles about entitled teens, yet there are statistics that show they drink less, have fewer teenage pregnancies, and are more concerned about job prospects than previous generations.
So what is an entitled teen, is it all bad, and how do we make sure that we're not raising one?
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
We've all heard about the phenomenon of a midlife crisis, but it's the teenage years when we first really become aware of our identity.
For some, the sense of who we are beneath the roles we play is never a big issue. For others, the shift in perception can result in all sorts of problems. Battles at home if they're boxed into an identity they feel they don't fit, or difficulties at school where trying to fit into a social group can mean losing track of who they really are.
Helping our teens to navigate the issue can be made harder by our own struggles with the concept of identity and fears of losing the child we love. We try to unpack some of the issues.
For supporting material see Rachel's blog on our website: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/flirting-with-your-self/
Also, any teacher of junior school kids will tell you that one of the key ways they distinguish each other's clothing is by the smell. Yes, it really is a thing. When they hit the teen years, sniffing a garment can result in an unpleasant shock. Some teens respond to their new, distinct odours, by washing diligently. Others seem oblivious, joyously marinading in their own unique perfume.
We talk about the issue of smelly teens, and how to deal with a girl who rarely showers.
RESOURCES: Identity https://www.choosingtherapy.com/identity-crisis/ https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/#:~:text=Identity%20formation%20in%20teens%20is,most%20of%20their%20adult%20life. The 8 stages of development Eric Ericson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCBdZLCDBQ&t=28s
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com
Just under half a million teenagers will start university this autumn in the UK alone. Whilst it might be an exciting time for the teenager, the family left behind can be left reeling with a sense of grief and loss. We talk about what you might be feeling and how best to deal with it.
Also, Alex has asked us to take a look at what we should be saying to our teens about manners. We talk about what they are and what they say about you as a person.
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com