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Explore every episode of the podcast Parenting Teenagers Untangled

Dive into the complete episode list for Parenting Teenagers Untangled . Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.

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TitlePub. DateDuration
Why social media bans won't work and what we parents can do: Professor Candice Odgers09 Sep 202600:41:11

Ask Rachel anything

Are smartphones and social media really damaging our teenagers’ mental health – or are we looking in the wrong place? In this episode, Rachel Richards talks with Professor Candice Odgers, a leading expert on adolescent mental health in the digital age, to unpack what decades of research actually show about teens, tech and wellbeing.

We explore why today’s teenagers are doing better than many headlines suggest, the real size of the link between phones, social media, anxiety and depression, and why offline risks are the biggest predictors of online problems. Candice explains how family stress, academic pressure, inequality, climate anxiety and adult mental health all play a powerful role in teen distress – and why focusing all our fear on phones can distract us from where we can genuinely make a difference.

You’ll hear practical guidance on monitoring vs. connection, how to talk with teens about their online lives without pushing them away, what “ready for a phone” really means, and how social media affects girls and body image. If you feel overwhelmed by scary stories about screens, this conversation will help you move from panic to evidence‑based, compassionate parenting.

Candice Odgers  via her website or on Substack

My substack:

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Facebook

Nagging Your Teenager? We Parents Talk Family Routines, in the Wonder Room06 Sep 202600:29:20

Ask Rachel anything

As a teenager, I grew up in a home with almost no routines. No one talked about what needed to happen when, and I remember constantly thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?” Life felt like reinventing the wheel every day. I didn’t feel safe, and I felt a lot of energy went into trying to cope in the chaos.

Now, as a parent and host of Teenagers Untangled, I’ve come to see routines not as dreary box‑ticking exercises, but as powerful tools for connection, calm, and joy. In this Wonder Room conversation, I sat down with teacher and parent Katharine Radice to explore how routines, habits, and rituals can serve our teenagers—and us.

You can find all of the notes and recommendations made in this bonus episode by clicking here:

Sign up for free emails to let you know when a new episode comes out www.teenagersuntangled.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Teen Girls Mental Health, Intense Pressure, and How Parents Can Help02 Sep 202600:48:30

Ask Rachel anything

If your teenage daughter says, “I have anxiety,” “my ADHD was out of control today,” or calls a friend “toxic,” it can feel both strangely sophisticated and oddly shallow at the same time. She has language. She has labels. But somehow, you’re still not sure what’s really going on inside her.

In this episode with psychiatrist Dr Suzanne Garfinkel-Crowell, author of Girlhood Translated: Understanding Girls in the Age of Therapy Speak and Self-Diagnosis, we pulled back the curtain on what this language is doing for girls — and what it’s doing to them.

I particularly loved Suzanne’s tip for us parents:

‘The biggest problem with therapy speak is when it’s a conversation stopper, because really, these words should be conversation starters.’

In the discussion she gives us parents ideas on how to move beyond the language our kids are using, and help them understand what’s really going on. 

This isn’t an “anti-diagnosis” conversation. It’s about understanding how the language of mental health, the DSM, and social media are shaping girlhood, and how we as parents can respond in a way that brings us closer instead of shutting our daughters down.

Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell

If you'd like written notes to remind you about the points in this episode, or you'd like to think more about it, come to my Substack

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Curiosity: What’s wrong with my teen? At the Big Hug Community Cafe31 Aug 202600:10:06

Ask Rachel anything

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! 

Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button:

My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a dunce! Is it digital distraction? Is it common? I searched your shows and could not find any record of this being discussed. 

Episode About:

Concentration and Choices:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/

The Disengaged Teen:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Starting Secondary School: How to Help Your Child With Friends, Homework & the Big Transition26 Aug 202600:47:40

Ask Rachel anything

They're the oldest in their primary and suddenly our babies have to cope with being the youngest in their senior school. It's a big leap, and it comes just at the point when our kids are becoming much more aware of themselves and others with a big dollop of puberty-driven insecurity.

It's easy to worry about them making friends, coping with their newfound indepenence; complicated timetables, different classrooms, homework, buses and remembering their passwords. 

Here to help us figure it all out is Katherine Radice, author of the Parents Guide to Exam Stress long time teacher and mum of two teenage boys. 

Just five of things we cover in the episode are:

Realistic expectations for starting secondary school

  • Why trying to make the “perfect” first day backfires
  • Teaching kids that “lumps and bumps” are normal and part of adjustment

Identity, uniform, and appearance

  • How brands/clothes (e.g., specific shoes, jackets) are tied to teen identity and belonging
  • When and why it’s worth listening and sometimes compromising on these wants

Extracurricular activities and balance

  • Benefits of clubs for confidence, community, and friendship-building
  • The risks of over-scheduling and how to judge when it’s “too much”

Emotional turbulence in the early weeks

  • Tears, anger, door-slamming, and exhaustion as expected reactions
  • How to respond with empathy, rituals of comfort, and not jumping into “fix-it” mode too fast.

Communication: with teens and with school

  • How to get teens talking: low-stakes questions, rituals, “super silence,” and active listening
  • When to see something as a “blip” vs a real problem, and how to approach schools constructively

Friendships: 

  • How to talk about making friends without turning it into too much of a big deal

Hopefully, by the end of our discussion you'll have a much clearer idea of what you can do and also what you don't need to be doing to support your children through the turbulent teen school years. 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Teenagers, AI & Friendship: Is ChatGPT Changing How Our Kids Connect? Parenting Unpacked in the Wonder Room23 Aug 202600:32:31

Ask Rachel anything

Is AI changing the way teenagers understand friendship? Should we worry about teens turning to chatbots for advice and emotional support? And what can parents do to help their children build strong, real-world relationships?

Welcome to a new Teenagers Untangled Community Catchup, where Rachel Richards is joined by teacher, author and mum of two teenagers Katherine Radice to talk through what's happening in the world of teenagers — from the news and the latest research to the problems parents are dealing with at home.

This week, we start with GCSE results and teenage motivation. How should parents respond when results aren't what their teenager hoped for? Why does effort matter even when the grades aren't brilliant? And could constantly criticising schools actually make it harder for our teenagers to engage with the adults who are trying to help them?

Then we turn to teenagers and AI.

As AI chatbots become an increasingly normal part of young people's lives, we ask what happens when teenagers start using them not simply for homework or information, but for emotional advice and companionship.

Unlike human friends, an AI chatbot is available whenever you want it. It doesn't need anything from you. It doesn't get tired, disagree in quite the same way or require the give-and-take that real relationships demand.

But is that actually a problem?

We discuss why disagreement and friction are important parts of healthy relationships, helping teenagers develop their identity, challenge their assumptions and learn how to live alongside people who don't always think exactly as they do.

That leads us into teenage friendships: why teenagers can become so focused on finding a “best friend”, why friendships inevitably go through difficult patches, and how parents can help when a friend betrays a confidence, leaves their child out or hurts them.

Rather than immediately deciding that the other teenager is a “bad person”, we discuss how friendship difficulties can become opportunities to learn about trust, forgiveness, apologies and understanding other people's perspectives.

Finally, we look at something parents can easily overlook: our own friendships.

Our teenagers are watching how we talk about other people, how we deal with disagreement and rejection, and whether friendship and community have a meaningful place in our adult lives. Sometimes one of the best ways to teach our teenagers how to build relationships is simply to let them see us doing it.

A wide-ranging, practical conversation about teenagers and AI, ChatGPT, teenage friendships, GCSE results, school, parenting teenagers and helping young people build healthy real-world relationships.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Teen Friendship Problems: How to Help Your Teen Make and Keep Friends19 Aug 202600:40:56

Ask Rachel anything

So many parents come to me saying 'My teen has no friends. What should I do?' and I can't help wondering if we are missing one of the most important ways to help them. Being good at friendships ourselves.

Think about it. If we're not good at making and maintaining friends ourselves, who will our babies learn their friendship skills from?

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by author, broadcaster, and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, to unpack why 20–25% of adults now say they have no close friends, how that impacts our teens’ mental health, and what we can actually do about it. 

We explore the five stages of friendship, why busyness, smartphones, and constant mobility are eroding our connections, and the simple, intentional steps parents can take to help their tweens and teens build deep, lasting relationships.

Whether your child is struggling to find “their people,” stuck on the surface with classmates, or hiding behind screens, this conversation will give you practical language, science-backed insight, and real-life ideas for modelling healthy friendships at home. If you care about your teen’s confidence, wellbeing, resilience, and sense of belonging, this is an episode you won’t want to miss.

Contact the Friendship Lab

The Friendship Lab Course

I create notes on every episode which you'll find on my Substack page 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When Your Child Leaves Home Vintage12 Aug 202600:55:48

Ask Rachel anything

What happens when the children we’ve poured our hearts, time, and energy into finally leave home? If you’re facing the prospect of a child heading off to university or moving out—and feeling anything from pride and excitement to grief, anxiety, or a loss of identity—this episode is for you.

First, I revisit a powerful conversation with mindfulness coach Susie Asli, where we unpack empty nest syndrome:

  • why feelings of grief, loneliness, or even physical symptoms like sleeplessness and nausea are a normal response,
  • how your identity as a parent can feel shaken when your child leaves,
  • and practical ways to prepare yourself emotionally, rebuild routines, and reconnect—with yourself, with your partner, and with your wider life.

Then I speak with Hannah Bankier, a coach specialising in personal and professional transitions and founder of Birdie Launcher. Hannah invites us to rethink the very idea of an “empty nest” and instead see this stage as a launchpad—for our children and for ourselves. She shares:

  • how to start preparing years before your child leaves,
  • how to evolve your parenting from “controller” to “mentor,”
  • how to co-create a new kind of relationship with your emerging adult,
  • and how to rediscover your own purpose, joy, and identity beyond being “Mum.”

You're not broken if you're feeling grief. You're ready to start a new chapter.

Hannah Bankier

All the tips from this episode

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Exam Results: What if my teen doesn't get the grades they want? Vintage11 Aug 202600:35:41

Ask Rachel anything

A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. 

I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel earth‑shattering for them and gut‑wrenching for you.

In this episode I talk with Dr Dominique Thompson, award‑winning GP and young people’s mental health expert, about how to support teenagers through big disappointments such as university rejection, exam failure, and missed opportunities – without rescuing them or minimising their feelings.

We explore:

  • What teens are actually grieving when things go wrong – including the loss of an imagined future
  • How to validate their emotions while gently stopping catastrophic thinking
  • The difference between building resilience and teaching kids to suppress their feelings
  • Why today’s culture of perfectionism and “being the best” is driving anxiety, burnout and fear of failure
  • How to help teens separate self‑worth from grades, offers and achievements
  • Practical ways to prepare teens for university life, academic stress and independence
  • When dropping out isn’t the only option – how to press pause, get help and return stronger
  • What to do if your teen feels “left behind” while friends move on to university or big opportunities
  • How parents can be a “safe harbour”: supportive, boundaried, and not adding their own disappointment to their teen’s load

If you’re a parent wondering how to respond when your child says, “I’ve failed you,” or “There’s no point trying,” this conversation will give you concrete language, mindset shifts and step‑by‑step strategies to help them cope, reframe, and find a new path forward.

Dr Dominique Thompson: is a multi-award winning former GP, young people's mental health expert, TEDx speaker, author and educator, with over two decades of NHS clinical experience.

She is author of The Student Wellbeing Series for young people, and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up (PenguinRandomHouse) for parents.

dominique.thompson@me.com

www.buzzconsulting.co.uk 

https://www.instagram.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.facebook.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-thompson/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Is Your Teen Ready for University? What Parents Need to Know INTERVIEW WITH MY TEEN05 Aug 202600:54:43

Ask Rachel anything

Sending your teen off to university can feel both exciting and terrifying. In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, I talk with my 19-year-old daughter Phoebe, home after her first year at Oxford University, about what parents really need to know to prepare their teens for university life. 

We cover the big worries parents Google most: how teens make friends in Freshers’ Week, coping with the academic workload, dealing with drinking, drugs and peer pressure, managing money and budgeting, handling homesickness and mental health, and how to balance independence with safety.

If you’re wondering how to support your child’s transition to university without being overbearing—and how to trust them while still keeping them safe—this honest, practical conversation will give you clear guidance, real examples, and reassuring perspective from both a parent and a student.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

How to Stop Yelling at Your Teen: Stay Calm, Set Boundaries & End Power Struggles29 Jul 202600:31:48

Ask Rachel anything

Are you tired of yelling at your teen – and hating yourself afterwards?
In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I talked with parenting and relationship coach Diane Sorensen about how to stay calm with teens, stop power struggles, and set healthy boundaries without becoming a pushover.

If you’re dealing with eye-rolling, “disrespectful” attitudes, shouting matches, and constant tension at home, this conversation will help you:

  • Understand why you get so triggered by your teen’s behavior
  • Shift from controlling behavior to nurturing real connection
  • Use simple emotional regulation tools to pause before you explode
  • Tell the difference between calm parenting and permissive parenting
  • Create healthy boundaries that reduce resentment and build trust
  • Repair after you’ve shouted and show your teen that change is possible

We talk about creating boundaries, unpack practical strategies like the PARR method (Pause, Acknowledge, Respond, Reflect), how to reframe “disrespect” as information, and why owning your triggers is the fastest way to transform your relationship with your teen. If you’ve ever thought, “I promised I wouldn’t parent like this, but I don’t know how to stop,” this episode is for you.

Diane Sorensen

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Facebook

Step-Parenting Teens: Why Connection Matters More Than Discipline22 Jul 202600:42:08

Ask Rachel anything

If you’ve ever fallen in love with someone who already has children, or tried to blend two families and thought, “Why is this so hard? What’s wrong with me?” – this episode is for you. You are not broken, and you are definitely not alone.

I was joined by Masha Rusanov, coach, writer, and author of Repatterned.

Together we unpack:

  • Why step‑parenting can feel so emotionally different from parenting your biological children
  • How to prioritise connection before correction with bonus kids
  • The idea of “natural parenting” – why step‑parents shouldn’t be the main disciplinarians
  • What healthy co‑parenting and emotional regulation look like when there are exes, new partners, and multiple households in the mix
  • Practical, everyday strategies to reduce conflict and build trust over time

Click here for all of the tips from the episode

Whether you’re a step‑parent, a biological parent in a blended family, or you co‑parent across different homes, this conversation will help you feel seen, supported, and better equipped for the long game.

Masha Rusanov


Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Parenting Guilt: Bad Parenting Science, The Motherhood Myth & What Actually Matters15 Jul 202600:28:51

Ask Rachel anything

Are women naturally good at being mothers or is that a cultural myth? 

It matters because if we believe women are naturally good at it then they deserve no kudos for the work they do and when we do struggle it lays the blame firmly at our feet, rather than the society we live in. 

In this episode, I was joined by historian and postnatal practitioner Alex Bollen, author of Motherdom, to unpack the “good mother” myths shaping our culture—and our guilt. 

We challenge the idea that care is “natural,” reveal how shaky science and social media fuel certainty and shame, and show why there’s no single right way to raise teens. 

You’ll learn practical tools to lower pressure at home: the weekly myth check, the “misery test” for your to‑do list, stress reframes that build resilience, and village-building strategies that widen support for you and your child. Step away from perfection, toward curiosity and community—and parent your teen with more calm, confidence, and kindness.

Read the episode write-up here

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

The vital parenting shift: becoming a mentor to your teen08 Jul 202600:13:48

Ask Rachel anything

Welcome to a special mini-series from Teenagers Untangled — seven simple, practical "parenting seeds" to plant over a week, preparing for when your child moves into secondary school or returns from summer. 

These are gentle shifts, not rules to perfect: They're designed to help you focus on what really matters, and reduce your stress. 

They'll help you to move from fixing problems to mentoring your child, build emotional safety at home, and give your teen the confidence to make good choices. 

These are the big picture things I wish I had known much earlier in the teen years.

If you'd like an early release of this information and daily email reminders as the series unfolds, and more support, join me on Substack

Seven seeds:

  1. Changing gears: be explicit about the shift in your parenting from monitoring to mentoring. 
  2. Make home safe and predictable: create routines and anchors so home feels stable amid constant change.
  3. Catch them doing good: notice and praise strengths to build a positive identity and reduce fear of mistakes.
  4. Listen until they feel understood (LUFU): use super silence and active listening; summarise and ask before offering advice.
  5. Model what you want to see: especially with technology: demonstrate the habits you want your teen to adopt.
  6. Be curious about yourself: notice triggers, respond with curiosity not criticism, and model emotional regulation.
  7. Talk to your kids before others do: proactively discuss vaping, pornography, nudes, drugs, alcohol and groomers. Role-play responses so they’re prepared before they come under pressure.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Reading Festival Advice From Teens: Vintage INTERVIEW WITH MY TEENS01 Jul 202600:44:31

Ask Rachel anything

Announcing my summer top tips series where I give you a short episode of tips organised around themes to help you focus on what you and your tween or teen needs to prepare you for the new school year.

Make sure you’re following the show to ensure you don’t miss any and if you want to get them early and have the tips delivered weekly directly to you just click here Send me the free newsletter and enter our email address. You’ll get them straight to your mailbox. 

The tips start next week, in the meantime here’s a rerun of the Reading Festival episode because I’ve had so much amazing feedback on it:

Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience. 

I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night. 

My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.  

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Teaching Teens About Money: Investing, Gambling & the Money Lessons Schools Miss24 Jun 202600:28:48

Ask Rachel anything

Seven in ten teenagers say they're very or extremely interested in investing. Not just curious, genuinely, actively interested. The problem is that most of us parents didn't become aware of investing until we were young adults or older, and half of parents say they wish they'd started sooner. That's a regret a lot of us are carrying around quietly, and without realising it, some of us are passing that same late start on to our kids.

Teenagers today aren't waiting. They're already getting an education, just not necessarily the right one. They're watching creators on TikTok and YouTube who make it sound like picking the right crypto coin at the right moment is basically a personality trait. They're seeing posts about teens who turned a hundred pounds into ten thousand, and almost nothing about the ones who lost everything trying. It's exciting, it's fast, and it's completely untethered from the basics that actually build long-term wealth.

That's why I invited Sonia Beardsmore, mum, former professional, institutional trader, and author of the book Raise a Mini Investor to talk to us about how we can discuss investing with our kids, how to start them young, and what a difference the deep financial literacy they can build while they're young and curious could really make in the long term. 

Sonia Beardsmore

Previous episode about pocket money

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Exam Stress: How to Help Without Nagging, Pressuring or Taking Over17 Jun 202600:48:48

Ask Rachel anything

Exam stress — are your teen’s exams quietly overwhelming them (and you)?

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I spoke with Katherine Radice, author of The Parent’s Guide to Exam Stress, to explore:

* Why teens withdraw and how parental questions can shut down conversations about school

* What makes exams uniquely stressful (risk, public outcomes, long timelines)

* How parents can build calm, constructive conversations and listen so teens feel safe to share

* Practical strategies: establishing effective work habits, rewarding effort vs. outcomes, scaffolding responsibility, and iterative trial-and-review methods for study

* Handling struggles: when to improve school support vs. when to build strengths outside school (hobbies, status, resilience)

* The “burden of praise” and how to praise in ways that empower rather than create anxiety

* Managing parental anxiety: how to consult teens, stay reflective, and help them learn to cope with uncertainty and setbacks

Why it’s vital to listen:

Exams affect more than grades — they shape teens’ confidence, relationships, and long-term coping skills.

This episode gives us evidence-based, compassionate tools to support teens without becoming the “revision police,” reduce household stress, and help young people develop resilience that lasts beyond exam results.

Contact Katharine:

https://katharineradice.co.uk/

Top tips from this episode:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/the-biggest-cause-of-stress-for-teens?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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How to Raise a Good Citizen: Teaching Teens Critical Thinking, Politics & Civic Responsibility10 Jun 202600:28:26

Ask Rachel anything

Who's teaching our teens how to be good citizens; someone who feels a part of society and enagages meaningfully in creating a world we all want to live in rather than someone who just buys stuff?

In this episode I talked with Lindsey Cormack, political scientist and author of How to Raise a Citizen, about why we parents must see it as our job to raise capable, engaged citizens. 

With civics instruction waning in schools, Lindsey shares actionable strategies to turn everyday moments into lessons about government, community impact, and problem-solving. 

We discuss how to engage disinterested teens, navigate polarizing topics calmly, model curiosity over certainty, and making local politics tangible for the younger amongst us. 

The great thing about Lindsey's message is we don't need to know all about politics to get our kids involved, we just need to be prepared to discuss whats happening around us. 

Perfect for parents who want to boost critical thinking, civic responsibility, and respectful dialogue at home. 

Resources and printable prompts available at teenagersuntangled.subtack.com.

Lindsey Cormack:

https://howtoraiseacitizen.com/

https://constitutioncenter.org/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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What's a Good Parent? A Bonus Episode in Which I Ask My Own Teenager08 Jun 202600:09:44

Ask Rachel anything

In this bonus episode Amelia and I discussed how hard it is to get parenting right, focusing on the misconceptions of gentle parenting and the importance of setting high expectations with support. 

The full listen to the full episode and read all of my thoughts on it by clicking here. It doesn't cost you anything, it's just a better place for me to store it.

We thought it would be really useful for you to hear us talking so that you can get ideas for how you can open up your own conversations at home. 

Amelia emphasizes the need for clear communication, boundaries, and understanding the root causes of a child's behavior. 

The conversation highlighted the significance of maintaining a healthy relationship, avoiding emotional responses, and fostering independence. 

Amelia suggests using reminders and sit-down conversations to address issues without punishment. 

Amelia also stressed the importance of addressing mental health concerns and being open to feedback to improve parenting skills.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Why Teenage Boys Pull Away: The Crisis of Connection With Dr Niobe Way03 Jun 202600:58:14

Ask Rachel anything

What are we really telling boys about how to be a man? And why do so many teens seem to be struggling with how to be in the world, from masculinity to friendship, and mental health?

In this conversation with Professor Niobe Way (NYU developmental psychologist, author of Deep Secrets and Rebels with a Cause), we dug into 40 years of research with adolescents. Her work is extraordinary because she has done something deceptively simple and radically powerful:

She listened to teenagers carefully, over time, and took what they said seriously.

What emerges is a completely different story about boys, friendship, and mental health than the one most of us have absorbed from culture, headlines, and even psychology textbooks.

Professor Niobe Way

Prof Niobe Way: LinkedIn

My early episode in which I referenced Niobe's work

Ideas covered in this episode

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Gambling Is Surging: How Gaming & Loot Boxes Are Hooking Our Kids01 Jun 202600:32:46

Ask Rachel anything

There's been an alarming rise of teen gambling, according to Commonsense Media, with half of 16-17-year-old boys reporting gambling in the past year; surpassing alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana use.

Commonsense media says 'we're at a pivotal moment for boys' well-being. We can either let gambling become normalized during a critical period of their development, or we can act now—with education, safeguards, and real accountability.'

In this episode Dr. Chung highlights the role of gaming, particularly loot boxes and mystery boxes, in priming teen brains for gambling. She emphasizes the ease of access through mobile devices and the influence of social media and celebrity endorsements. 

For my full notes on the episode click this link

Dr. Chung advises parents to set boundaries, engage in media literacy discussions and stay curious. 

She also stresses the importance of recognizing signs of addiction, such as secretive behavior and mood shifts, and the need for companies to be more accountable in protecting minors.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Brain Health: Screens, Dopamine, Junk Food & How to Raise a Thriving Teen20 May 202600:43:46

Ask Rachel anything

If you’ve ever looked at your teen glued to a screen, living on junk food, or melting down over “nothing” and thought, What am I doing wrong? — this episode will change how you see everything.

In today’s fast-paced, often overwhelming world, understanding how to foster resilience, well-being, and cognitive development is key to raising thriving children

Today's guest, Dr Katy Granville-Chapman, author of Growing Minds: The Science of Raising Thriving Teens”, gives us the evidence-based information we parents need to support our children's brain health. She explains:

  • How big tech and junk food companies are hijacking your teen’s dopamine system
  • Why your child actually wants to do well (and what keeps derailing them)
  • Simple, science-backed ways to:
    • Get buy-in on screen limits (without endless battles)
    • Use identity-based habits so teens choose healthy behavior themselves
    • Teach emotional regulation as a skill, not a personality trait
    • Check your teen’s “body budget” (sleep, movement, food, connection) before assuming there’s a crisis
  • Why kindness and contribution are secret superpowers for teen resilience
  • And the one message every guilty, overwhelmed parent needs to hear: it’s never too late, and you’re doing better than you think.

Listen now and learn how to move from nagging and panic… to mentoring your teen so they can truly flourish.

Find the top tips here

DISCOUNT CODE ON PRE-ORDERS OF KATY'S NEW BOOK: 

Click this link and use the code UNTANGLED25

Katy Granville-Chapman:


Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teenagers and Grief: How to Support Your Teen Through Death or Serious Illness: Vintage13 May 202600:43:15

Ask Rachel anything

Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped.

Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation.

In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'.

The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who did an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.

Get the ToolKit Top Tips from this episode here

BOOKS:
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs
You Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela Lamas
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
Smoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty
The Choice by Edith Eger

 
Support for kids and young people who are bereaved:

https://winstonswish.org/

https://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdf
https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/
https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-death
https://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/
https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-death
https://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-death
https://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-about-death-with-kids/
https://www.winstonswish.org/support-a-grieving-teenager/
https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-understanding-grieving-teenagers
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-talking-child-about-death?amp
https://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dying

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Is Your Teen Being Manipulated Online? Teaching Critical Thinking in the Age of AI06 May 202600:52:04

Ask Rachel anything

Our teenagers are growing up in a world saturated with information, outrage, and algorithms designed to keep them scrolling. As parents, it can feel overwhelming: How do we help our kids navigate AI, social media, fake news, and online manipulation—without either over-controlling them or throwing up our hands?

In this episode, I talk to Dr Maree Davies, senior lecturer at the University of Auckland and author of Teaching Critical Thinking to Teenagers: How kids can be street smart about AI, algorithms, fake news and social media.

Her work is all about making critical thinking accessible to all teenagers, not just the academically gifted. And crucially, she shows how these skills can actually reduce anxiety by giving teens a sense of control over the flood of information they face every day.

We explore:

What critical thinking really is (beyond the academic buzzword) and why the tween and early teen years (11–15) are such a powerful window for learning it

How cognitive bias, schemas, and teenage brain development affect the way young people react to information—especially on social media

Marie’s Street Smarts model for teaching critical thinking at home and in school, starting from a teen’s own story and perspective

How to talk to teens about algorithms, AI, fake news, and influencers in a way that feels respectful, engaging, and non-preachy

The role of relationships, respect, and status in adolescent life—and how we can use these realities to open up richer conversations

Why modelling our own struggles (with phones, news, time management, etc.) is far more powerful than lecturing

Practical question types and conversation prompts that help teens move from emotional reactions to thoughtful, reasoned views

This is one of my favourite recent conversations and I’d love as many people as possible to hear it. These skills matter because our teenagers are being shaped—every day—by forces they often don’t fully understand. Critical thinking isn’t about turning them into cynics; it’s about giving them tools, language, and confidence to question, to evaluate, and, when necessary, to change their minds.

It’s also about strengthening our own connection with them, so that they feel heard, respected, and equipped to take their place in the world as thoughtful, compassionate adults.

Click here for my blog post and summary of the core skills

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Parenting Teens With an Angry or Critical Partner: How to Handle Conflict at Home29 Apr 202600:33:06

Ask Rachel anything

“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."

This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem. 

When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”

If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you. 

Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.

She says: 

'We don’t choose our conflicts.
We repeat them.
Until we change the pattern."

Link to my write-up on the topic

In our conversation we explore:

  • Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)
  • Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the moment
  • Practical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partner
  • How to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying them
  • Ways to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening them

If you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.

Masha Rusanov

Repatterned Book

REMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.

Spotting the signs

  • Is your partner jealous and possessive?
  • Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?
  • Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
  • Does he constantly put you down?
  • Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
  • Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?
  • Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
  • Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
  • Does he control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need?
  • Does he monitor or track your movements or messages?
  • Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Is the Manosphere Teaching Your Son to Hate Women? How Parents Can Respond22 Apr 202600:35:24

Ask Rachel anything

“Is my son secretly being taught to hate women?”
If you’ve ever heard your boy casually repeat a line from Andrew Tate… seen him disappear into his room with his phone… or wondered what on earth he’s absorbing on TikTok and YouTube, this episode is for you. 

The manosphere is grooming boys to believe women are the enemy—and most parents don’t even realise it’s happening. 

In this conversation, I’m joined by teacher and author of Unmasking the Manosphere, Matt Pinkett to unpack how these ideas hook our sons, how they show up at home and in school, and—most importantly—how you can respond without shutting your boy down or pushing him further into that world.

Toolkit: Checklist of How to Talk to Your Boys

Matt Pinkett

Conflict resolution skills

Looksmaxxing

Original Manosphere episode

Talking to your teen about pornography

The expert on talking about pornography

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Facebook

Teen Exam Stress & Motivation: What Actually Helps (and What Makes It Worse) INTERVIEW WITH MY TEEN15 Apr 202600:35:03

Ask Rachel anything

It's exam season and so important to keep a steady ship with all of the stress in the house. 

I thought it would be a great time to interrupt my youngest, Amelia, for an honest chat about what she sees as both good and bad strategies for supporting teenagers through exams, and homework; particularly those with dyslexia and ADHD. 

We wanted to give parents hope, an honest insight into how bumpy the road can become, and how long it can take to figure out what the best way of supporting your teen will be.

Over the past six months at her new college, Amelia has really found her feet and feels motivated to work very hard. This is helped enormously by feeling she matters to friends, loving the college she is at, and receiving proper ADHD support and intervention. 

She shares her previous struggles with homework and motivation, attributing it to a lack of emphasis on academics and being placed in less academically focused classes, but also made clear how important it is to take time to understand underlying issues rather than assuming laziness. 

Amelia advises against nagging, focusing on long-term goals, and providing structure without micromanaging. 

Listen to the end to hear Amelia's important, very spontaneous, message for all parents listening to this podcast. 

As usual, my girls prefer not to be on camera, so this is an audio-only episode.

Read my thoughts about our discussion here

Get the toolkit tips here

OTHER EPISODES:

Helping kids with exam nerves

Tips for parenting through the pressure of exams

Trust your kids

Boys who’re apathetic about study and exams

Why school exam systems need to change

How anxiety works and what we can do

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

How to Connect With Your Teen: Stop Trying to Be the Perfect Parent08 Apr 202600:23:56

Ask Rachel anything

So many parents of teens quietly worry that they’re “failing” — not doing enough, not staying calm enough, not getting the outcomes they hoped for. 

This episode is an invitation to step off that perfectionist treadmill. Instead of parenting for perfect grades, perfect behavior, or perfect choices, we explore how to parent for connection: building daily rituals of togetherness, modeling honest self-care, and using compassionate self-talk so your teen can develop a kinder inner voice too. 

You’ll hear practical ways to show your child they’re loved for who they are, not what they achieve, and how that shift can transform the atmosphere in your home.

Click here for a list of ways to connect that make all the difference

Contact Ronnie Vehemente:

Mood Advisor

Ronnie is the founder of The Family Room www.familyroomla.com, a unique psychotherapy practice, focused on the challenges of parenting, marriage & family life. Ronnie has 30 years of experience counseling children, teens, new mothers, parents, couples and families. She graduated from Columbia University School of Social work. Ronnie is an advisor to Mood.org, bringing her deep understanding of teen psychology. The mission of Mood is to put free, fast, and effective mental health tools in the hands of EVERY tween and teen—building skills and resilience through content they want to engage with.


Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Teen Dating, First Love & Heartbreak: What Parents Need to Know01 Apr 202600:47:20

Ask Rachel anything

When parenting teens through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole. 

As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. We explore the complex world of teen behavior surrounding first love and heartbreak. Understanding how our teens express their feelings and the challenges they face can really help us to communicate with them. 

We talk about:

  • Why parents often feel a spike in distress when their teen starts dating
  • How crushes, “situationships” and breakups affect the developing teenage brain
  • The difference between healthy intensity and unhealthy enmeshment
  • How to support both boys and girls in talking about their feelings, not just their “results”
  • What it means to parent in a world of social media, online porn, nonchalance and loneliness
  • How to show up for LGBTQ+ and questioning teens when their identities don’t fit the “straight story”
  • Why consent can’t be a tick‑box talk, and how to navigate the grey areas with our kids
  • What healthy support after a breakup actually looks and sounds like

If your child is anywhere on the spectrum from secret crush to serious relationship, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. My hope is that it gives you language, courage and compassion to walk alongside them, rather than dismissing it as “just drama” or trying to shut it all down.

Because for our teens, first love isn’t practice. It’s real, it’s formative, and it leaves a lasting imprint. How we respond now can teach them not only how to survive their first heartbreak, but how to love and be loved for the rest of their lives.

Previous interview with my own daughter, Phoebe

Tips from this show

Contact Lisa Phillips:

lisaamyphillips@gmail.com

Lisa A. Phillips, author of the new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, has written about relationships, mental health, and teens for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Longreads, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, Salon, and other outlets. She teaches journalism and the popular “Love and Heartbreak” seminar at the State University of New York at New Paltz. 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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When Your Teen’s Dream Falls Apart: Helping Them Cope With Failure & Rejection25 Mar 202600:35:41

Ask Rachel anything

A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment. 

I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel earth‑shattering for them and gut‑wrenching for you.

In this episode I talk with Dr Dominique Thompson, award‑winning GP and young people’s mental health expert, about how to support teenagers through big disappointments such as university rejection, exam failure, and missed opportunities – without rescuing them or minimising their feelings.

We explore:

  • What teens are actually grieving when things go wrong – including the loss of an imagined future
  • How to validate their emotions while gently stopping catastrophic thinking
  • The difference between building resilience and teaching kids to suppress their feelings
  • Why today’s culture of perfectionism and “being the best” is driving anxiety, burnout and fear of failure
  • How to help teens separate self‑worth from grades, offers and achievements
  • Practical ways to prepare teens for university life, academic stress and independence
  • When dropping out isn’t the only option – how to press pause, get help and return stronger
  • What to do if your teen feels “left behind” while friends move on to university or big opportunities
  • How parents can be a “safe harbour”: supportive, boundaried, and not adding their own disappointment to their teen’s load

If you’re a parent wondering how to respond when your child says, “I’ve failed you,” or “There’s no point trying,” this conversation will give you concrete language, mindset shifts and step‑by‑step strategies to help them cope, reframe, and find a new path forward.

Dr Dominique Thompson: is a multi-award winning former GP, young people's mental health expert, TEDx speaker, author and educator, with over two decades of NHS clinical experience.

She is author of The Student Wellbeing Series for young people, and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up (PenguinRandomHouse) for parents.

dominique.thompson@me.com

www.buzzconsulting.co.uk 

https://www.instagram.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.facebook.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-thompson/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Andrew Tate, the Manosphere & Teen Boys: What Parents Need to Know - Vintage18 Mar 202600:33:28

Ask Rachel anything

Parenting teen boys wrote three years ago asking us to discuss how we can talk to boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate. The 'bros' act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.

Now that Louis Theroux has shone a light on the Manosphere in his latest Netflix documentary I thought it important to dust off this old episode because the information is far more detailed, and useful for parents of tweens and teens. 

Whether the words Red Pill, Matrix, and Manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt.

My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   

Click here for tips and advice from the episode:

  1. Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.
  2. Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.
  3. Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.
  4. Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.
  5. Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.

Potential role models: Look for men in your own community first

  • Greg James 
  • Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/
  • Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDo
  • Stephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.
  • KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD. 
  • Bear Grylls - Chief Scout and outdoor adventurer.
  • Lebron James - Basketball
  • Dwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb.
  • Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb.
  • Justin Baldoni - Actor 
  • Chris Evans - Captain America actor
  • Terry Crews - Former NFL and a

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Think You’re Failing as a Parent? You’re Probably Doing Better Than You Imagine11 Mar 202601:18:21

Ask Rachel anything

If you’ve ever lain awake at night wondering whether you’re getting this parenting thing horribly wrong, you need to hear this conversation with surgeon and author Gabriel Weston.

Gabriel is a mother of four – including tween twins – a prize‑winning writer and a working surgeon. She talks with disarming honesty about:

  • How she parents without pretending to be endlessly patient or perfect
  • Why it’s okay to have limits to how much joy you get from parenting
  • The very real ways she sometimes gets it wrong, and how her kids now call her out
  • What her son’s life‑threatening brain condition and her own health scares have taught her about seeing all of us – including our teens – as “beautifully broken” humans
  • How she and her husband navigate very different parenting styles, from strict boundaries to snacks and softness

What I love about Gabriel is that she says the quiet things out loud – the thoughts so many parents have but feel too guilty to admit. She’s funny, wise, and completely unpretentious, and by the end you may feel surprisingly lighter about your own “failings” as a parent.

If you’ve ever worried that you’re too controlling, not present enough, not soft enough, or simply not “motherly” in the way you think you’re supposed to be, this episode will help you see that you are probably doing far better than you think. 

Find Gabriel here:

https://www.instagram.com/gabrielwestonalive/

Buy her books:

https://www.waterstones.com/author/gabriel-weston/6579

https://amzn.eu/d/0cGm5jnK

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Sextortion & AI Fake Nudes: What Every Parent of a Teen Needs to Know”04 Mar 202600:32:48

Ask Rachel anything

A teenager no longer has to send a nude for a sexual image of them to end up online.

AI can now take an ordinary photograph of a child or teenager and create a convincing fake nude. Add sextortion, online grooming and the sharing of intimate images, and the digital landscape our children are navigating has changed dramatically.

So what do parents actually need to know — and how can we protect our kids without terrifying them or constantly monitoring everything they do?

In this episode, Rachel talks to Emma Hardy from the Internet Watch Foundation (IWF), a world-leading organisation working to find and remove child sexual abuse images from the internet.

Emma explains how teenagers can be groomed into sharing sexual images, why 11–13 year olds are particularly vulnerable, and why younger children are increasingly appearing in the material the IWF encounters.

We also explore the alarming growth of AI-generated sexual images and “nudifying” apps, which can turn an ordinary photograph into a fake nude without the person ever having shared an intimate image.

Emma explains how these images are being used to humiliate, bully and blackmail young people — and how sextortion can escalate frighteningly quickly.

But this isn't an episode about panicking or taking technology away from our children.

It's about giving them — and ourselves — the knowledge to respond.

We cover:

  • What parents need to know about sextortion
  • How online grooming can start with seemingly harmless games and flattery
  • Why children may not realise they're being manipulated
  • How AI can create fake nude images from ordinary photographs
  • What parents need to know about nudifying apps
  • Why boys and girls can be targeted differently
  • Why teenagers should never pay someone who is blackmailing them
  • The risks of cameras and connected devices in bedrooms
  • Whether parents should allow photographs of their children to be posted online
  • How to talk about nudes and online sexual risks without frightening your child
  • Why family conversations are one of our most powerful online-safety tools
  • What to do if your teenager has already shared an intimate image
  • How the Report Remove service can help stop images spreading
  • Why your first reaction matters enormously if your child comes to you for help

Perhaps the most important message in this episode is simple: if something does go wrong, we want our child to come to us.

Emma's advice is to resist anger, stay calm and make sure they understand that being manipulated, groomed or blackmailed does not make them responsible for the actions of the offender.

We can't anticipate everything our teenagers will encounter online. But we can give them knowledge, boundaries and a trusted adult they know they can turn to when something goes wrong.

THE BEST PROTECTION:

Keep devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms.

Read my devices guide, with links to all of the relevant episodes, here

Top tips from this episode

KEY RESOURCES:

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Anxiety & Achievement Pressure: How to Raise Successful Kids Who Know They Matter25 Feb 202600:27:00

Ask Rachel anything

We all want our teenagers to do well. But what happens when encouragement turns into achievement pressure — and our kids start believing their grades, popularity, appearance or success determine how much they're worth?

Award-winning journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace has spent years researching achievement culture, anxiety and the pressures facing young people. Her latest work explores something she believes is fundamental to raising resilient, motivated teenagers: mattering.

Mattering is the feeling that we are valued for who we are, not simply for what we achieve — and that we have something valuable to contribute to the people and world around us.

In this episode, Jennifer explains why teenagers growing up in high-achieving environments can be particularly vulnerable to anxiety, burnout and a fragile sense of self-worth — and why simply reducing our expectations isn't necessarily the answer.

Instead, she argues that teenagers need to hear a powerful message from us: you are not your successes and you are not your failures.

Surprisingly, giving teenagers this unconditional sense of worth doesn't make them less ambitious. It can give them the security to aim higher, because failure no longer feels like a verdict on who they are.

We discuss:

  • Teen anxiety, academic pressure and achievement culture
  • Why high-achieving teenagers can struggle with mental health
  • How to motivate teenagers without criticism, fear or comparison
  • Why Jennifer calls these tactics “dirty fuel”
  • How to use curiosity rather than anger when a teenager isn't doing well
  • Why parents should focus on how the work gets done, rather than obsessing over grades
  • How social media intensifies comparison, status and materialistic values
  • The difference between intrinsic and extrinsic values
  • How to make your teenager feel that they matter
  • Why parents need to feel that they matter too
  • How friendships and community can make us better parents
  • One simple way to show your teenager every day that you're delighted they exist

Jennifer also shares a wonderful question for parents:

Imagine your child 10 or 20 years from now. What story would you like them to tell about their childhood and their relationship with you — and are you helping them tell that story?

This is an episode about raising ambitious, successful teenagers without making achievement the price they believe they have to pay for our love.

FIND JENNIFER HERE

BUY MATTERING HERE

RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE

  • Mattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.
  • The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.
  • Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.
  • Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.
  • Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.
  • Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.
  • Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.
  • Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.
  • Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Estranged Adult Children: Why They Cut Parents Off & What We Can Do Now18 Feb 202600:35:19

Ask Rachel anything

When Brooklyn Beckham publicly announced he didn't want to reconcile with his parents he was joining a painful catalogue of family stories that have gone wrong. 

Estrangement is reportedly on the rise in Western societies but what's behind it? 

Dr Joshua Coleman spends his life working with estranged parents so he sees, first hand, the main factors that can lead to it. He highlights that while emotional abuse is often cited as a cause, it's often a matter of unmet expectations and generational differences. 

Some of the core drivers are divorce, children marrying someone who doesn't get on with your family, social media ideals, therapy culture and individualism. 

Given that estrangement can be emotionally devastating for parents, leading to feelings of isolation and loss, he advises parents to take their children's complaints seriously and to be open to therapy and family discussions.  

Dr Joshua Coleman:

Family Troubles: https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/

https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/how-to-not-become-estranged

https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/

Teenagers Untangled Community Substack:

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Body Image & Social Media: How to Protect Their Self-Esteem. Vintage11 Feb 202600:31:12

Ask Rachel anything

Puberty can make teenagers painfully aware of their changing bodies. Add Instagram, TikTok, advertising and the pressure to fit in, and it's little wonder that so many teens struggle with body image and self-esteem.

So what can parents do to help?

In this episode, Rachel talks with mindfulness coach and mum of three Susie Asli about teenage body image, social media, comparison and the powerful need to belong.

We explore why commenting on appearance — even when we think we're giving a compliment — can sometimes reinforce the very pressures we're trying to protect our teenagers from, and why focusing instead on what their bodies can do, who they are and the relationships that make them feel valued can help build a healthier sense of self.

We also discuss the warning signs that body-image worries may be becoming more serious, including obsessing over weight or particular body parts, avoiding activities because of appearance, constantly comparing themselves with others, and linking food with guilt or shame.

Plus: how can we model a healthier relationship with our own bodies, help teenagers see through unrealistic social-media images, and give them the confidence to experiment with their identity without feeling they have to look a particular way to belong?

And in our listener question, we tackle another familiar parenting battle: How do you get teenagers to do chores without endless arguments about whose turn it is?

We discuss why teenagers need household responsibilities, how chores teach valuable life skills, and why allocating jobs in advance can work far better than ambushing a teenager halfway through TikTok.

Rachel's thoughts and tips on body image

Rachel's thoughts and tips on getting kids to do chores

Resources:

https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teens
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor 
I Thought it was just me by Brené Brown

Previous episode:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-teen-weight-and-body-image-a-mother-and-daughter-explore-the-issues/

Chores: 

Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of the most reported problems in suicidal people. Teens are capable of doing practically any household duty and gives them a sense of belonging to the family team.

The Gift of Failure Jessica Lahey: Children prefer parents who hold them responsible for not meeting expectations over those who monitor their children. 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Facebook

Teen Friendship Problems: How to Help When Your Child Is Struggling Socially04 Feb 202600:55:01

Ask Rachel anything

'Early adolescence is a friendship meat grinder, and your kid will eventually find their people,' according to Megan Saxelby of Wild Feelings. But oh boy it's tough!  

Megan wants parents to know that using words like “dramatic” to describe genuine social pain can accidentally give us permission to dismiss their emotional reality and teach our kids that their experiences doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously.

In today’s episode we explore why it hurts so much to watch our child struggle socially, and why our instincts to either dismiss or ‘fix things’ can often make it worse.

The good news is that there’s new research, by the eminent Dr David Yeager, that shows there’s one thing our kids can learn that can reduce depression in teens by nearly 40%.

We hear the details and some great tips for us parents on the frontline.

Megan Saxelby:

Rachel's blog reflections on teen friendship distress

The Study:

This is such a big topic I have created a lot of content to cover it:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers-147/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/top-friendship-tips-for-teen-girls-lessons-from-real-life-sisters/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Help Your Teen Thrive: Science-Based Hacks for Focus, Anxiety, ADHD & Big Emotions28 Jan 202600:38:46

Ask Rachel anything

We want our kids to do as well as possible, so when they mess up, do dumb things, or seem to be failing, it's easy to focus on their mistakes and what they should do instead. 

Naomi Glover, a leading applied neuroscientist and brain health specialist, says we'd get the best out of our kids by doing the opposite; focusing on their strengths.

Coming from a  neurodivergent family, she truly understands the challenges faced by ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurotypes and offers practical, easy-to-use “brain hacks” for things like anxiety, focus, and emotional regulation.

Naomi believes that once we understand how our brain works, we can work with it—not against it this episode gives us those tips.

Naomi Glover

Rachel's checklist from the episode

Find your strengths:

PARENTS: 

https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/pro/parentingstrengths/account/register

UNDER 18'S: https://StrengthBoostU18.pro.viasurvey.org/

Top tips:

  1. Lead with strengths, not deficits
    • Regularly name what your teen does well (kindness, perseverance, curiosity, humour, etc.) instead of only correcting what’s missing.
  2. Swap judgment for curiosity
    • Use phrases like “I noticed…”, “Tell me more about what happened”, and “What could we do differently next time?” to keep conversations safe and open.
  3. Use recognition as rocket fuel (especially with ADHD/RSD)
    • Give specific, genuine praise:
      • “That was really kind leadership when you…”
      • “I really appreciated you helping with the washing up – that was great teamwork.”
  4. Reduce brain overload with routines and single-tasking
    • Build simple, predictable habits (e.g. “Saturday is bed-linen day”).
    • Avoid multitasking; do one thing at a time and protect focus where possible.
  5. Teach nervous-system resets
    • Use quick tools for you and your teen:
      • Breathing: in for 4, out for 8, 3–5 times.
      • Nature breaks: ~20 minutes outside to reset attention and mood.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Is Your Child Being Groomed? 4 Warning Signs That Could Protect Your Child21 Jan 202600:47:41

Ask Rachel anything

While counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. 

I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? 

Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.

In this episode we cover:

  • What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)
  • Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” Communities
  • Online vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter
  •  The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to Know
  • Red Flags of Grooming in Digital Spaces
  • Devices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?
  • Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming Risk
  • Building “Predator-Proof” Kids Through Connection
  • Reclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven World

Resources:

Top tips from this episode

Anna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.com

IWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate images

Common Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidance

Predator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Risk

https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safety

Protecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act'

 https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safety

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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How parents of teens can raise happy, successful adults14 Jan 202600:51:49

Ask Rachel anything

Hint: it depends on how you define happy and successful.

We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. 

In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving our kids about their future if we want them to be happy? Do we have much of impact anyway?

Eldest daughter syndrome:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/

The Family Dynamic and the Role of our Community in our Success:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/141-success-what-nobody-tells-us-about-the-role-of-siblings-are-parents-that-important/

Inheritcocracy: How Society has Changed the Rules of Success

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/136-society-has-changed-are-education-and-hard-work-less-important-now-than-parents/

Dr David Yeager: 10 to 25 'Status and Respect'

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/

Perfectionism:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/

High expectations episode and blog:

Episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/

Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/setting-expectations-without-piling-on-the-pressure/

Why mothers aren't happy:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motherhood-and-careers-can-women-really-have-it-all/

Giselle Goodwin:

 @gisellegoodwinwrites on Instagram and YouTube

https://substack.com/@gisellegoodwin

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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The One Thing Your Teen Really Needs From a Parent: Emotional Regulation07 Jan 202600:48:40

Ask Rachel anything

This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.

In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.

In this episode, we cover:

  1. What emotional regulation really is
    • The “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortex
    • Why kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to it
  2. Why your regulation matters more than any parenting hack
    • “If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”
    • How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating us
  3. Behavior, consequences and connection
    • Why a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfires
    • The shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”
  4. Repair: the real superpower in families and classrooms
    • Why the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repair
    • How to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually heal
  5. Practical tools you can use today
    • The phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”
    • The “collect before you direct” principle
    • Everyday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interests
  6. Hope for worried, exhausted parents
    • Why kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)
    • The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.

Dr Jody Carrington:

https://www.drjodycarrington.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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How to Be a Better Dad: Connection, Presence and Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids31 Dec 202500:42:33

Ask Rachel anything

How can building our own community of people we admire dramatically change our future and help us break from a difficult past?

What does it actually mean to be a good dad?

Is it providing for your family? Protecting them? Being successful at work? Or could one of the most important things a father gives his children be something much simpler: his presence?

Mitchell Osmond thought he was doing reasonably well. Then his wife told him their marriage was broken and she was considering divorce.

At the time, Mitchell was overweight, struggling financially, using alcohol and drugs to cope and carrying wounds from growing up with an alcoholic father. A week later, at a funeral, he heard a question that stopped him in his tracks:

Are you living a life worthy of imitation?

It forced him to confront not only the husband he had become, but the father he wanted to be.

In this episode, Rachel talks to Mitchell about fatherhood, healthy masculinity, marriage, emotional connection and breaking unhealthy generational patterns — and the practical changes that helped him transform his own life.

We discuss:

• what it really means to be a good father
• why being a provider isn't the same as being present
• how our own childhood experiences can quietly shape the way we parent
• breaking generational patterns rather than passing them on
• what healthy masculinity can look like in modern family life
• why boys need good men they can observe, not simply lectures about how men should behave
• how fathers can build stronger emotional connections with their children
• why men can find it difficult to identify and talk about emotions
• helping boys develop a richer emotional vocabulary
• the importance of fathers admitting mistakes and apologising
• why perfection can actually get in the way of connection
• how work and phones can follow us home and steal our attention from our families
• Mitchell's practical five-minute reset for becoming more present before walking through the door
• why marriages can gradually become two people living as “roommates wearing rings”
• and how parents can find positive male role models when a father isn't present or involved.

One of Mitchell's simplest pieces of advice is:

Be where your feet are.

If you're sitting with your teenager, be with your teenager. If you're talking to your partner, be with your partner. Don't be physically at home while mentally answering emails, solving tomorrow's problems or scrolling through your phone.

He also argues that our children don't need to see a perfect father. In fact, showing vulnerability, admitting when we're struggling and saying “Dad got that wrong. I'm sorry” can create far more connection than pretending to have everything under control.

For parents of boys, there's another important question: where are our sons learning what it means to be a man?

Mitchell believes healthy masculinity is something boys need to see in action. Strength and courage matter, but so do emotional intelligence, humility, empathy and the ability to connect.

And if there isn't a consistent father in a child's life? Mitchell encourages parents to look around their wider community for good men — relatives, family friends, teachers, coaches or mentors — who can provide another model of what adulthood and masculinity can look like.

A thought-provoking and practical conversation about fatherhood, parenting teenagers, raising boys, healthy masculinity, marriage, emotional intelligence and becoming the parent you want your children to remember.


Mitchell Osmond:  @dadnationco  

Where to find Mitchell Osmond

https://www.dadnationco.com/

New Year's Resolutions:

EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/

BLOG WITH MY TECHNIQUE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/

Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Anxious Teens: The vital role we parents can play. Vintage24 Dec 202500:50:20

Ask Rachel anything

The anxiety epidemic:
In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.  

Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode:

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety 

Suggested books:

·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry

·       Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/

Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer 

Mindfulness is a key tool:

'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.'


'If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'
·       The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings? 

·       Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?

·       What is the result of those behaviours?'

When you get into an anxiety loop use:

RAIN:

  • Recognise difficult feelings.
  • Accept them and allow them to be there.
  • Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up.
  • Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity.

Resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139f
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbx
https://childmind.org/article/signs-of-anxiety-in-teenagers/

RULES FROM:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/establishing-house-rules-for-teenagers-1094873

Rules That Promote Safety

·       Driving – car accidents are the number one killer of teens. Establish clear rules about phone use in the car, passengers, speeding, etc.
·       Drugs/alcohol – talk often about making good choices and consequences. Talk about ways they can get out of a bad situation.

Rules That Teach Morality

·       Honesty – set consequences that will be more severe for lying or covering up. Also rules about cheating on their homework. 
·       Treating others respectfully. Rules about gossiping, bullying and talking back.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Parenting Teens Without Overreacting: How to handle emotions calmly - Vintage17 Dec 202500:35:15

Ask Rachel anything

None of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. 

Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  

Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your feelings:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-avoid-overreacting-and-why?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlay

It was such a great topic to suggest, and when it was first aired I had some amazing feedback from listeners who'd suddenly realised that they were reacting in the way they had been programmed to by their own family.

My daughter also told me that the main reason her friends don't tell her parents anything is that they think the parents either don't care or that they'll overract.

That's why this podcast is so valuable. It gives us as space to stop and think about the things that come to us unbidden, so that we can upack them and make changes that help us with our own relationships.

Long term, if we don't manage to adapt, we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat.  

So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference. 

This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens. 

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

  • When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay Longworth
  • The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters


RESOURCES:

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Do Fathers Really Matter? Why Dads Are More Important Than We Think10 Dec 202500:33:03

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How much do fathers really matter to their children?

We talk endlessly about mothers and the enormous influence they have on their children. But have we inadvertently started treating fathers as the optional parent — the assistant rather than an equally capable caregiver?

Michael Ray thinks we have.

Michael became a father at 50 and, just 18 months later, became the sole parent to his daughter. Suddenly he began noticing the subtle — and sometimes not-so-subtle — ways society treats fathers differently.

From being praised simply for looking after his own child to being banned from helping backstage at his four-year-old daughter's ballet concert because he was a man, Michael began questioning the assumptions we make about fathers, mothers and what good parenting is supposed to look like.

In this episode we talk about:

• why fathers matter to children and teenagers
• why dads are still so often portrayed as incompetent or secondary parents
• the impact involved fathers can have on children's wellbeing
• why parenting isn't a skill women instinctively possess and men have to learn
• how mothers can unintentionally “gatekeep” parenting and leave dads feeling pushed out
• why fathers need space to parent differently — rather than being expected to parent exactly like mothers
• the messages our children absorb from advertising, films, schools and social media about what mums and dads are supposed to do
• why involved fatherhood could also be an important part of achieving greater equality for women
• what boys learn when they see men caring for children
• how caregiving can change men themselves
• and how we can raise boys and girls who see caregiving, ambition, strength and emotional intelligence as human qualities rather than male or female ones.

Michael's argument isn't that fathers matter more than mothers. It's that we need to stop treating their contribution as less important.

As he puts it, caregiving isn't determined by chromosomes. It's a set of skills — and fathers need the opportunity and confidence to develop them.

There's also an important message for those of us co-parenting teenagers. There isn't one “correct” way to parent. Dad may handle something differently from Mum without either approach being wrong. Giving each parent space to develop their own relationship with their child can benefit the whole family.

And the stakes go beyond individual families.

Michael argues that if we genuinely want men to become more caring, emotionally intelligent and empathetic, we need to give boys and men far more opportunities to care.

A fascinating and thought-provoking conversation about fatherhood, parenting teenagers, gender roles, involved dads and why fathers matter — not only to their children, but to the kind of men and women we're raising.

Michael Ray:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ray-574079183/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Teen Friendship Problems: How to Help Without Making Things Worse INTERVIEW WITH MY GIRLS03 Dec 202500:39:55

Ask Rachel anything

What do you do when your teenager has no friends — or tells you they feel lonely, left out or as if they just don't fit in?

Watching your child struggle with friendships can be incredibly painful. Our instinct as parents is often to jump in with advice, suggest what they should do, or panic that something has gone terribly wrong.

But is that actually what teenagers need from us?

In this episode, Rachel sits down with her daughters, Phoebe and Amelia, for a candid conversation about what teenage friendship really feels like from the inside.

They've both experienced periods of feeling friendless and have had to navigate starting new schools and colleges, established friendship groups, rejection, changing friendships and the awkward business of trying to make new friends.

So what helped — and what do they wish parents understood?

We talk about:

• what parents should do when their teenager says they have no friends
• why listening can be far more helpful than immediately offering advice
• how to make friends when everyone else seems to have found their group
• why teenagers sometimes need to make the first move
• using your “taxi light” to signal that you're open to friendship
• why sitting on your phone can make you look unavailable when you're actually feeling awkward
• how to cope when you're not invited or a friendship becomes one-sided
• why having several different friendships can be healthier than relying on one best friend
• friendship jealousy and comparing your relationships with other people's
• how social media changes teenage friendships and creates a whole new set of social signals
• why vulnerability is essential for creating deeper friendships
• whether turning to AI for emotional support could actually deprive teenagers of opportunities for human connection
• WhatsApp groups, social media and being careful about what you say online
• and why arguments and disagreements don't necessarily mean a friendship is unhealthy.

One of the most reassuring messages in this conversation is that friendships change constantly.

A teenager who feels completely alone today may meet someone next week who becomes one of the most important people in their life. Phoebe and Amelia both describe friendships that appeared unexpectedly — and how reaching out, inviting someone for coffee or simply taking a small social risk can completely change things.

They also have an important message for parents: don't panic.

If your teenager is struggling socially, they may not need you to fix it. Sometimes they need somewhere safe to talk without being given a list of solutions.

And for teenagers themselves, there's a lovely reminder: having no friends right now doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Friendships come and go, people grow together and apart, and periods of being alone can also be a chance to develop your own interests, confidence and sense of self.

A warm, funny and unusually honest conversation about teen friendships, loneliness, making friends, social media, rejection and fitting in — straight from teenagers themselves.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Motivational feedback, a happiness hack, and letting your teen sleepover after a party02 Dec 202500:08:57

Ask Rachel anything

The happiess hack article by Dana Millbank:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/10/24/happiness-purpose-community-contribution/

Checkout my Substack:

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Christmas and other family gatherings with teens. Magic or misery? Vintage02 Dec 202500:23:06

Ask Rachel anything

We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. 

Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.

We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.


https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/
https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/
https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html
https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/
https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Homework and Motivation for the ADHD Child: How to Help Your Teen Get Things Done26 Nov 202500:42:51

Ask Rachel anything

Your teenager knows they have homework. They know the assignment is overdue. They know they need to start.

So why can't they just do it?

If you have a teenager with ADHD or executive-function difficulties, evenings can easily become a cycle of procrastination, missing assignments, nagging, arguments and frustration — with parents wondering how much they should step in and teenagers feeling constantly criticised for things they genuinely find difficult.

In this episode, Rachel talks to Sean Geraghty, former high-school maths teacher, executive-skills coach and co-author of I'll Do It Later, about what is really happening when an ADHD teenager struggles to get things done.

Sean explains that ADHD is often not a knowledge problem but a performance problem. Your teenager may know exactly what they should be doing but struggle with planning, prioritising, getting started, sustaining attention and managing the emotions attached to a boring or overwhelming task.

So how do we help without becoming the household taskmaster?

We discuss:

• what executive function actually is and why teenagers struggle with it
• why an ADHD teen can focus for hours on something they love but freeze over a ten-minute homework task
• procrastination, missing assignments and the dreaded “I'll do it later”
• why school systems and online homework portals can make ADHD harder to manage
• how much parents should monitor homework and schoolwork
• why nagging, shame and constant negative feedback can backfire
• the power of noticing and celebrating small, specific wins
• Sean's simple SUPER system: Sleep, Unplug, Plan, Eat and Roam
• why your teenager needs to help design the systems they're expected to use
• the surprisingly useful five-minute parent check-in
• preparing an ADHD teenager for the huge loss of structure at university
• when an executive-function coach or other outside support can help
• and why parents shouldn't panic when the first strategy they try doesn't work.

One of Sean's most useful messages is to treat ADHD strategies as experiments. Try five things. Four might fail. Keep the one that works — and be prepared for that system to need changing again.

Most importantly, this conversation is about protecting your relationship with your teenager.

When every interaction becomes Have you done your homework? Where's that assignment? Why haven't you started?, it's easy for school struggles to overwhelm everything else. Sometimes bringing in the right support allows parents to step away from being the taskmaster and get back to simply enjoying their teenager again.

A practical and reassuring episode for parents of teenagers with ADHD, executive-function difficulties, procrastination, motivation problems or school struggles.

Sean Geraghty:

https://www.resetteencoaching.com/

sean@resetteencoaching.com

For a PDF full of advice from this episde, head over to my substack

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/hows-a-mum-to-know?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Why Teens Are Afraid to Speak Their Minds — and What Parents Can Do19 Nov 202500:39:16

Ask Rachel anything

Is your teenager afraid of saying the wrong thing?

For many young people, navigating conversations about politics, identity, relationships and social issues can feel like walking through a minefield. Say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question or admit you don't know enough — and they fear being judged, rejected or even losing friends.

But what happens when that fear follows them home? And what should we do when our teenager expresses an opinion that we strongly disagree with?

In this episode, Rachel talks to clinical psychologist Dr Chloe Carmichael, bestselling author of Nervous Energy and Can I Say That?, about why she believes our growing fear of difficult conversations matters for our teenagers' relationships, resilience and mental health.

Rather than teaching our kids what to think, how can we give them the confidence to explore ideas, ask questions, disagree respectfully — and even say “I don't know enough to have an opinion yet”?

We discuss:

• what to do when your teenager expresses an opinion you hate
• why listening to your teen doesn't mean agreeing with them
• how reflective listening can keep difficult conversations open
• why immediately trying to change your teenager's mind can make them defend their position even more strongly
• the difference between healthy self-restraint and self-censorship
• why having words for difficult emotions can help us regulate them
• how to help teenagers navigate controversial conversations at school and university
• why it's healthy for our kids to discover that not everyone has to like them
• how to disagree without damaging relationships
• and why “I don't know” may be one of the most intelligent things we can teach our teenagers to say.

Perhaps most importantly, Dr Carmichael explains why our goal as parents shouldn't always be to persuade.

Sometimes our first job is simply to understand: Why does my teenager think this? Where did the idea come from? What have they experienced that I haven't?

Because when teenagers know they can bring their difficult, half-formed and even uncomfortable ideas home without immediately being shut down, we give them somewhere safe to think them through.

A fascinating conversation about raising teenagers who have the confidence to think, question, listen and speak for themselves.

Dr Chloe Carmichael:

http://www.freespeechtoday.com/

https://www.instagram.com/drchloe_/

New York Times poll response:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/18/opinion/cancel-culture-free-speech-poll.html

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episdoe on Substack: 

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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