Explore every episode of the podcast Parenting Decoded
Dive into the complete episode list for Parenting Decoded. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
70 - Empowering Parents: Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse
05 Mar 2025
00:05:03
In this episode, we tackle the important issue of childhood sexual abuse and how to help prevent it. By educating ourselves as parents, we can provide our children with the tools they need to protect themselves.
• Discuss the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse statistics • Explore the need for children to know proper terminology for body parts • Encourage open lines of communication about consent and boundaries
Let's work together to change statistics and protect our children.
Does your child have a problem with what's in their backpack? You know, those papers that are wrinkled at the bottom? Maybe a permission slip? Or possibly a banana?
Or how about the things that are NOT in their backpack? Do they forget to put their homework in? Or maybe their lunch or water bottle?
In this podcast take a new approach!
We want it to be THEIR fault in their minds. It’s ok that there’s a problem, it’s just not ok if they blame others. But, if we touch their backpacks, it IS our fault!
I have some rules for you:
RULES FOR PARENTS 1 - Don't empty the backpack 2 - Don't pack the backpack 3 - Don't carry the backpack
Don't get me wrong, you're welcome to coach a child but THEY need to do the work. No nagging! Just ASK if they'd like some suggestions. Maybe make lists with them about what's supposed to go IN the backpack before school and what comes OUT after school. Make the lists together, don't just write it all up for them. If they can't read then use pictures or drawings.
60 - Anxious Kids and What Parents Can Do to Help: 4 Different Types of Anxiety
03 Oct 2023
00:39:15
Do you have an anxious child? Does it worry you or drive you crazy? Either way you need to listen to this podcast!
Learn about the 4 different types of anxiety, then the 4 parenting traps that we fall into when we attempt to "help" that wind up having negative impacts.
Being over reassuring
Swooping in/Jumping in too soon
Allowing avoidance
Being too tough or critical
In this podcast, hear from Stephanie Pinto, founder of Let’s Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids and author of the best-selling book From Chaos to Connection. We talk about how parents can support their kids who have anxiety.
59 - Body Image and How Parents Can Help Kids Who Don't Fit Into Stereotypes
04 Sep 2023
00:18:41
Today with the launch of the Barbie movie and so much emphasis on selfies and having perfect bodies, it's worth considering how we help out the millions of kids who aren't "perfect".
In this episode I interview Pam Luk, Founder of Ember & Ace, a clothing brand for plus-sized kids. We talk about how to support our kids both socially and emotionally as well as how we as parents need to tamp down our own feelings about perfection that harm our kids in emotional ways that hurt more than help.
Here is a link to Ember & Ace if you'd like to take a peek at their offerings and learn more about them: https://www.emberandace.com/
What do you with kids who are wired differently? Who might be on the spectrum (ADHD, Asperger's, OCD, etc.)? Maybe they've had a diagnosis, maybe you just can see they are off the charts brilliant and some things but a total failure at socializing with kids their age.
If you have such challenges with your kids, take a listen to Sam Young of Young Scholars Academy in this episode as he explains how his online community for neurodivergent and gifted children works. He brings a strength-based approach to getting our kids to connect in healthy, positive ways while learning at the same time. Lots of topics for kids to connect in small group classes with mentors who help them connect while teaching. What a concept, like minded-students can finally find "their people"!
A list of their classes for FALL 2023 is at FALL 2023 COURSES. If you listen and need this link after Fall 2023, just go to the main website and choose "Courses" from the main menu.
For anyone listening, there's a special discount of 15% off any classes booked for first-time students!
56 - Separation Anxiety in Kids: Why and What Parents Can Do
14 Mar 2023
00:30:11
Most parents seem to get hit with this at some point in our parenting journey. It can start at around 6-7 months and usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood. But… sometimes we’re just put to the test with separation issues and we wish someone would let us know what’s normal, what’s extreme and give us some ideas about what to do.
In this podcast we have Jessica O’Connor, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist to help step us through ideas in dealing with separation at different ages and stages.
Lastly, if you are having issues in dealing with yourself or your child please reach out to the 24/7 National Helpline for Substance abuse and mental health services administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
55 - Screentime Battles: Managing Screens as a Family Using Aro
26 Jan 2023
00:24:20
Listen to Heath Wilson, co-founder of Aro, talk about their innovative technology that helps families develop good screen habits in a positive and fun way.
There's a smart tech "box" to hold your devices when families decide to have non-tech time and an app that will track how long technology has been in the box. It's the complete opposite of our normal "get off your device" that many families fight about now,! This is more like: "hey, how fun to see how long you been off your device" twist!
You can use the app to have contests with both adults and kids and even track what you were doing while your devices have been in the box. So cool!
54 - Overbearing and Over Gifting Grandparents and How Parents Can Manage Them
08 Dec 2022
00:14:40
There are so many pressures we face as parents but one of the most challenging can be managing our own parents when it comes to gifting to their grandkids. It's enough to drive some of us crazy!
In this episode we'll talk about the types of interference we might be dealing from our family values being over run to dealing with huge amounts of clutter that we have to organize not to how too many toys can interfere with creativity in our kids. Take a listen to hear more possible issues.
What can you do? Start by having Family meetings with your parents and in-laws. COMMUNICATE! Set clear boundaries and offer ideas of what you'd like to see happen. Be willing to compromise and, again, communicate with those you love.
Ideas for gifts they can give:
The gift of time from movie passes to tickets to museums or water parks
Lessons - music, art, karate, whatever!
Donations to a college or savings fund
Coupon Book made by the grandparents with fun events from sleep overs to paint your nails
53 - Kids Who Don't Enjoy Reading or Has Other Learning Differences: What Parents Can Do
13 Oct 2022
00:27:41
When you have a child who refuses to read or is delayed in their reading compared to their peers it can be a very stressful time for parents as we try to navigate the what-to-dos and the why-is this-happening-to-my-child thoughts that constantly run through our minds. The same stress can hit us when our kids don’t want to write and then again if they start falling into the “I hate school” mode which really tears us up.
Having learning differences can contribute heavily to this stressful time but knowing what to do and what resources you can employ in your home and in child’s school environment can make a huge difference.
This is why I’ve interviewed Dr. Victoria Waller on this podcast, to provide you with ideas for getting to those resources that your child needs. She’s recently released her book YES! Your Child Can: Creating Success for Children with Learning Differences in which she’s poured her 40 years of experience working with and studying learning differences in children. It’s an invaluable resource and I want you to all know about it.
Take a listen to hear amazing ideas of how to creatively activate the passions of our kids to ignite their abilities to learn. Also find out how to engage teachers and tutors to help leverage those passions to get your child onto a path of success.
52 - Manners Lesson: Chewing Food and How Parents Can Get Kids to Chew Politely
05 Sep 2022
00:08:39
In this third installment of my manners series we discuss how to train your kids to chew their food with their mouths closed. It can be a challenge but with some consistency, love and a bit of fun and games it's possible to move your kids into the social graces.
51 - What Parents Can Do When Kids Misbehave and There Are No Natural Consequences and Energy is Drained
17 Aug 2022
00:14:21
When kids drain our energy by doing things that drive us crazy we need to respond in a loving and empathetic manner. However, when we're so tired of them doing things that drain us -- like whining, talking back, fighting with their siblings, or ignoring screen time limits -- we just don't know what to do.
In this podcast you'll learn not only how to recognize things that drain your energy but how to let your kids know and then ask them to do things for you that help replenish that energy.
Our kids to need to learn to recognize how their poor decisions to misbehave affect other people. We want to raise kids who are respectful and responsible and this energy replacement can help do just that!
68 - Halloween Candy: How to Set Limits and Give Good Choices
27 Oct 2024
00:07:23
For some families having lots of Halloween candy floating around our homes causes stress and strain. In this podcast learn some tricks for treating your whole family to a more fun and happy experience as you learn to set limits and boundaries while giving lots of choices and, occassionally, letting your kids make poor decisions.
What was Mary like as a parent? In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent. They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.
This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children. What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school. A big change!
What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills? Take a listen and hear it for yourself!
49 - Manners Lesson: "Thank You" and How Parents Can Get Kids to Give Thanks Regularly
23 Jun 2022
00:09:45
In this episode we learn how to get our kids to say “thank you” and how to help develop a general sense of appreciation for not only “things” but also training them in thankfulness which will help to promote an “attitude of gratitude”.
Start Early
Be Consistent
Give Praise for using Thank You
Use Family Meetings to Set Expectations
Set up Family Thanking Events
Dinner time thank you routines
Bedtime blessings routine
Thank you note practice for birthdays and holidays
Make it FUN! We'll talk about a few ideas for setting up a "fancy dinner" so we can practice all our manners in a creative and fun way.
Lastly, we'll go over how important modeling good "thank you" practices can be in helping bring thankfulness in our homes.
We all want our kids to grow up being kind and courteous. In this episode I talk with Teresa Ramirez, a motivational speaker and Kindness Koach. Listen to lots of fun ideas on how to promote kindness inside and outside your home.
Here's some of the ideas we talk about!
- Model it INSIDE your home
Use Family Meetings to talk about how to be kind to each other
Come up with a list of ideas from putting sweet notes in lunch boxes to doing surprise chores for some one
Make a meal for everyone,
Give an extra long hug, pick some flowers for someone
Plan a "date" with one of your family members including taking care of the plans and making all the food
- Model it OUTSIDE your home
Help neighbors, hold doors open, help someone with packages at a store, pick up garbage a a park
Do service projects together - help at a fundraiser, work at a food pantry,
Send letters or draw pictures to friends who are shut-in
Visit a senior center
Write fun and cheerful messages with sidewalk chalk outside your home
Have a lemonade stand to raise funds for a charity or cause
To get to Teresa's Facebook Page and order your FREE BUBBLES OF JOY!: JOURNEY IN KINDNESS
47 - Manners Lesson: How Parents Can Teach Kids to Say "Please"
05 Apr 2022
00:10:55
This is the first podcast in a series relating to getting our kids to learn manners which are fundamental to their becoming responsible, respectful adults. Starting with Life Lessons early has the biggest impact but in this series of podcasts, whether you have a toddler or a teen, it's worth investing in their future through manners.
Here are the basics of what's covered in this podcast: 1 - Start young! The earlier the better. Using "baby sign language" if you have a very little one. 2- With Older Kids Set Family Rules around Manners. Use a Family Meeting to talk about how important manners and and that you're going to start with focusing on the use of "please" in your home. 3 - Practice! It takes lots and lots of practice to get your kids to use please but you need to do it OVER and OVER again. When they don't ask with a "please" just ask them again. 4 - Expect more from older kids. Once they have the basics of using "please" have them incorporate "may I please" instead of just "please can I have". 5 - Role Play! Enjoy some of the learning with your kids by setting up fun events that you can practice and exaggerate what you're doing. Maybe a special candlelit dinner once a month? Maybe a Game Night where you exaggerate asking for dice or cards using "please". 6 - Model What you Want. You as the adult are constantly watched by your kids. Make sure you're using "please" appropriately. 7 - Leverage the Please Request. Your kids WANT something from you. Use this as "currency" that is so valuable to them that they're willing to use "please" to get it. Follow through with it even if they're sassy. Don't get distracted if they are snarky!
46 - Unintended Consequences of Pushing for Good Grades
01 Mar 2022
00:36:07
In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids’ Lives. This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don’t Hit, Sit Still, Don’t Be a Quitter and many more. She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.
We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards. These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.
In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:
Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other people
Competence - that kids believe they are capable of a skill
Relatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at hand
Purpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieve
By encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward.
45 - Screen Addiction: Is My Child Addicted? What Parents Can Do to Help Identify and Deal With Addiction to Electronics
25 Feb 2022
00:26:58
Some of us struggle with trying to figure out if our kids are addicted to screens. In this episode Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, and I discuss what causes screen addictions and what resources might help to determine if our kids are addicted. We also go over different levels of intervention in overcoming screen issues in our homes.
Emily is launching a new course for parents that will help train parents week by week to get their arms around the issue. With parenting practices and live one-on-one coaching and support from other parents you will be able to make changes to support new behaviors that will set a balance between screens and life. The Screentime Consultant
We also discuss resources for more extreme screen addictions. Links to those resources are: RestartLife.com - Washington based treatment and therapy center to treat screen addiction. Residential treatment program is available.
In this episode enjoy hearing from Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, as we talk about strategies to deal with kids and screen time use in our homes. Emily works with families all the time to help put "tech intentional" ideas into homes. Listen for ideas on how to set clear and reasonable limits in a way that can be integrated into your home, one step at a time.
43 - Siblings Who Hate Each Other: What Parents Can Do To Help Promote Sibling Harmony
10 Jan 2022
00:13:11
Siblings who hate each other is unfortunately all too common an issue for parents to ignore. In this podcast we explore what a parent can do with their kids who aren't getting along, who are unbearably mean to each other.
Our kids fighting all the time can be: 1 - draining for the ENTIRE family 2 - full of opportunities to learn some life lessons about getting along
In order to help stop the energy drain and actually learn those lessons that will help later in life we cover three possible solutions to try: 1 - Use FAMILY MEETINGS to help set boundaries and Family Rules of Respect 2 - Set up SPECIAL TIME to make sure your parent connection is secure and each of the siblings feel listened to and heard. 3 - Use LOVE LANGUAGES to help the entire family understand what motivates each person in a language that speaks to their inner being where love and acceptance is florishing
42 - Challenges with Boundaries: How Parents Can Set True Limits and Stick to Them
17 Dec 2021
00:08:53
Setting limits for our kids can be such a challenge. We set them, they ignore or break them. Ugh! In this episode learn how to set better boundaries that we can stick by so that our kids know that we mean what we say.
Learn to say: 1 - "AND WHAT DID I SAY" Using this phrase helps stop the whining and begging that gets so annoying that we often times give in just to quiet our kids down. 2 - Set consequences for whining and complaining when our kids try to push our boundaries in directions we don't want them to go. Use ENERGY DRAINs if you are wondering what to use.
We review why our boundaries fail and what good boundaries look like: 1. Clearly define the boundaries to our kids 2. Make the boundaries positive 3. Have consequences 4. Be consistent 5. Be reasonable 6. Be calm and loving
41 - 8 Steps For Parents in Dealing with Disrespect From Kids
16 Nov 2021
00:16:22
In this podcast learn how to deal with disrespect in your home by teaching and modeling respect while keeping calm.
The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers but not limited to teens, try to solve their problems. Kids can feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back. If they can drag you into an argument, that’s even better: Now you’re arguing about respect instead of focusing on their curfew or their homework or cleaning up their toys!
67 - How to Create and Foster Secure Attachment With Your Kids
11 Sep 2024
00:32:54
Hearing the phrase "secure attachment" makes us think of some academic thesis. BORING! Well, I want to help flip that idea in our minds to "CRUCIAL". Yes, having our kids see us as stable, reliable and empathetic beings in their lives is ESSENTIAL. In this podcast episode I talk to Eli Harwood, a therapist and "attachment nerd", as she calls herself on social media. We talk about how in her book, Raising Securely Attached Kids, you can learn to build a stable and trusting environment for our kids so they will thrive and grow.
In her examples of how secure parents approach problems you can feel relief in knowing there are successful strategies in creating confident kids who know we'll always have their backs.
40 - Fairness: What Parents Can Do With Kids Who Don't Think Things are Fair and Just
21 Oct 2021
00:11:55
Life isn’t fair it never has been. How we deal with life is what matters. In this episode learn how you can nurture an understanding of fairness in your child's life as well as ideas on how you can respond to unfairness.
We want our kids to be able to:
Let them know it's ok to express their emotions when life is unfair
Encourage them to give praise to others when things aren't fair
Help them continue with life when things aren't fair
Have them lead by Example, using grace and humility, when unfairness hits them
Support them learning from the opportunity when fairness happens
In this podcast I cover a few things. First, what do bad teachers look like? How do they behave? Next, what can you do about it as a parent and, lastly, what can your child do about making it through the year in once piece having learned what they need to. Three types of bad teachers: Fluffy - ones that are nice but don't teach the material Boring - ones that put you to sleep they are so uninspiring Mean - ones that yell and are just plain mean; they might have favorites in the class and spend all their time with them; they might get mad at kids who don't understand
In the podcast I go over a step-by-step approach on what to do. Read the transcript listed below if you'd like more details. 1 - Wait and See while doing research 2 - Communicate with the school
Start with meeting the teacher and discussing the issues
If needed, escalate to a combo meeting with the principal and the teacher
If your lone parent concerns aren't addressed then gather together a group of parents to go collectively to meet with the administration
3 - Teach your child ways to cope with the bad teacher
encourage them to approach the teacher and ask for help
augment their learning in whatever way makes sense - online, tutors, study groups
be there! empathize! love them through it
Julie Plagens at Mom Remade's article: https://momremade.com/survive-bad-teacher/
38 - Parenting Pressure and Lazy Kids - What Healthy Pressure Looks Like
19 Aug 2021
00:31:38
In this episode I talk with Dr. Weisinger about their approach of transforming harmful parental pressure into healthy pressure. He has just released a new book with Dr. Christopher Thurber, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure: A Positive Approach to Pushing Your Child to Be Their Best Self. This book provides a roadmap for parents to engage in healthy pressure with our kids, ways that will help them grow and succeed instead of stifle and crush them.
We, as parents, often struggle with kids who we think aren’t trying their hardest and we want to push harder. We know they can do more. It’s a natural instinct to push but in today’s world it seems like we can go too far and wind up doing more harm than good.
Send me an email at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded 2021.
37 - Annoying Kids and How to Handle Them Calmly as a Parent
03 Aug 2021
00:09:37
Do you have a kid who is always seeking attention? They are pulling on you, saying “Mommy, mommy, watch me!” Or maybe they try to one up anyone just to make themselves look bigger or better than others. Maybe they’ll even make things up to do that?
In this episode you'll learn why your kids are acting that way and how to bring new skills into the mix so you can work with them in a positive way so they go from annoying to adorable.
Take a listen!
Send me email at mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have any questions!
This guide gives all parents a guide in how to best help their children overcome their challenges in healthy, loving and practical ways.
Whether or not you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, Asperger’s, any other executive function issues or you’re just worried that your child is out of step with their peers, please listen in for some great advice on how her book can help you in your journey. Personally, I think we all have complex kids and can learn from Elaine’s wisdom.
She also discusses her parenting class that is a combination of online learning and coaching sessions called Sanity School that is a great compliment to her new book.
35 - 3 Steps for Parents To Teach Kids to Apologize With Grace and From the Heart
01 Jul 2021
00:08:09
In this episode learn how to get to the heart of your child and teach them how to apologize. Learn how to: 1 - Wait till the emotion has passed 2 - Brainstorm with your child to encourage ideas of how the apology can work for them 3 - If their hearts won't melt then allow consequences of their poor decision to not apologize guide them to make better choices.
Did your parents ever force you to apologize? Did it really make you feel sorry? I’m guessing that, like me, you probably just felt worse, felt embarrassed and it made you even more mad at whatever/whomever caused you to be rude in the first place.
Apologies are really important, however; what we want is for the heart of our kid to change, to have them understand that their behavior was unacceptable and caused hurt in another human being. In this podcast are some ideas that might be more effective at changing your child's heart instead of just forcing them through the motions of an insincere “I’m sorry.”
34 - How Parents Can Teach Life Skills for Teens To Promote Independence and Confidence
15 Jun 2021
00:14:36
In this episode we’ll talk about how to get our older kids, teens and tweens, to experience the bigger picture stuff and expose them to some of the messiness of life in a loving, supportive environment where they might even mess up some. Everything from chores they should know how to do on their own to handling money, cars and how to get a part time job. I’ll talk about planning vacations in addition to how to handle routine paperwork and cooking. It’s sort of a laundry list of items I think any parent should consider when training your kids for the future.
Here's a list of topics that are covered: Laundry Cooking Cleaning House Yard work Painting Money Filling out forms Getting a part-time job Keeping track of time Vacation planning Car driving, care and maintenance
Understanding how a person perceives love is essential for knowing how to communicate love to them. In this interview I'm so happy to have Bec and Holly who have a podcast called ILoveYouTooMuchToArgue to explain what Love Languages are and how to use them in your family.
Five Love Languages are: Acts of Service Gifts Words of Affirmation Physical Touch
Find Holly and Bec anywhere you listen to podcasts and you can contact them at iloveyoutoomuchtoargue@gmail.com or on their Instagram page - @ILoveYouTooMuchtoArguePodcast
I found the book and talking with Richard really useful in learning about the different substances – marijuana, alcohol, vaping, inhalants and more, and what signs to look for in determining addiction and where to turn if you need help. Leave a review and let me know what you think!
Leave me a review or email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
Do you have kids who are always running to the car and saying: “I’m first!”? Or maybe they argue over who mom or dad reads to first at night? How about who gets to sit where at the dinner table? Or who does dad pour the catsup on French fries first? I know my boys would have a battle each time we got into an elevator over who gets to push the buttons. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? You might even say it “drains your energy” if you’re a Love and Logic parent.
In this podcast I want to help you turn that constant bickering into an opportunity for modeling cooperation and fairness. You'll learn to use a problem solving method with your kids that allows everyone to have a say in how things that were once competitions can become fair and equitable situations.
You'll learn: Step 1 - how to set up a Family Meeting Step 2 - how to start the Family Meeting Step 3 - How to brainstorm ideas of what possible solutions there could be Step 4 - How to select which idea you'll experiment with first Step 5 - Run the experiment Step 6 - Review the results and revise ideas for another round of experiments Step 7 - Celebrate a win!
By modeling these problem solving steps together as a family your children will learn that it's possible to come up with solutions and that the best solutions take time and effort to come to.
66 - Young Kids (Toddler to Preschool) and Chores, Life Skills and Teaching Independence
25 Jun 2024
00:12:24
How much can a 2-, 3- or 4-year-old do? What can they do? They’re so little, right? A toddler? A preschooler? What’s reasonable? What’s not? Are you doing too much as a parent?
All good questions for sure that most of us struggle with! In this podcast we explore what’s reasonable to encourage and train young kids to do from chores to life skills that will build self-confidence and independence.
Here's the list of ideas we cover: Personal accomplishments:
Feed themselves
Pack backpack
Make bed
Pick out clothes
Put clothes in hamper
Wash their own hands by themselves
Family Contributions
Setting the table
Clearing dishes
Vacuuming
Dusting
Fold socks
Load laundry and start machine
Unload/put away dishes
Wash windows
Take care of pets
Simple cooking tasks
Outdoor tasks
Pull weeds
Rake leaves
Water plants
Personal Growth
Learn how to have Solo Play Time
Have "Reading Time" on their own
Learn to ride a Balance Bike
Be Assistant to Mom or Dad - these are done with JOY and with Mom or Dad, not alone
Parents are often baffled by their kids not listening and totally ignoring them. In this seminar which was taped during a Zoom presentation, parents learn that how we talk to our kids and when we talk to them has a huge impact on their ability to listen to us.
In this talk you'll learn not only WHEN to communicate but about these techniques to be more impactful when you do:
How to go "brain dead" when our kids are emotional
How to use loving limits to state what you're willing to do
How giving choices can activate your kid's brain while sharing control about things you don't really mind sharing
How letting our kids solve their own problems instead of hovering and telling them what to do can allow our kids to feel supported and listened to
If you'd like to watch the YouTube video, here's a link for that: YouTube Link
If you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
This is special podcast recording of a seminar at Prospect High School meant for all of you who are having a tough time communicating with your teens. I also have a YouTube version from Evergreen High School that includes all my PowerPoint slides that you can find on my Parenting Decoded YouTube Channel. Whether you prefer podcasts or YouTube I want get you as much help as I can in supporting your teen.
In this seminar I go over how we currently talk to our teens, what that might be communicating to them and finally ideas on how we can break through to our teens using good choices, setting loving limits, and allowing them to solve their own problems. I’ll show you how to come alongside your teen in a loving and empathetic way that allows them to own their lives and lets us be a helpful consultant instead of an interfering helicopter or drill sergeant.
If you have an organization who’d benefit from hearing this presentation either on Zoom or in person, please contact me. I’d love to reach more folks and it’s seminars like these that seem to reach the most parents.
28 - Understanding Anxiety in Kids and What Parents Can Do
09 Mar 2021
00:56:46
In this episode I interview Bianca D'Agostino. She's a family and child therapist in Ottawa Canada who has lots of experience help families with issues around anxiety.
Learn how to identify and then deal with some common scenarios in dealing with kids and anxiety.
Here's the link to Bianca's helpful graphic on the different levels of anxiety, A through F: ANXIETY GRAPHIC
Bianca's contact info and professional information: BIANCA D'GOSTINO
This is the audio version of my online seminar which is also available on my YouTube Channel, Parenting Decoded. There is also a YouTube link to this seminar if you'd like to see all the slides that go along with this presentation. YouTube LINK
In this expanded conversation we go over tips to handle our anger that is triggered by our children and family situations. The most important of these is setting up a RELATIONSHIP SAFETY TEAM. #1 - YOU #2 - Your Spouse or Partner #3 - Your Children
In each area we talk about how to use the Team Members to optimize communication in our homes. It is good COMMUNICATION that will make all the difference in your homes. Each Team Member can help make this happen.
#1 - YOU
Start to recognize when your anger is coming on and how to stay out of Fight or Flight mode.
Use Brain Dead so you DON'T engage when kids are annoying
Separate if you have to
Learn a few mindfulness techniques or get mindfulness apps on your phone
If you really can't get your anger under control, consider seeking professional help
#2 - Your Spouse or Partner
Develop verbal signals to help signal that you are needing help with anger
Develop non-verbal signals as well by using physical queues or touch
Help set up Calm Down options
Make sure each partner has "Me Time" to recharge
#3 - Your Children
Set up verbal and non-verbal signals for your kids to use with you
Hold regular FAMILY MEETINGS to discuss sensitive topics
Model problem solving skills to show how communication about things that bother us helps to keep anger and resentment under control
Use other techniques to prevent anger triggers from happening:
Setting Loving Limits - set up what YOU will do for your kids in a loving and positive manner
Choices - use them A LOT!!! Give our kids as much control over things you don't care about
Problem Solving - let kids make mistakes with love and empathy
BOTTOMLINE: Communication is going to make a HUGE difference in your parenting journey.
Email me mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have questions!
26 - Lying, Cheating and Stealing: What Parents Should Do At Different Ages and Stages
08 Feb 2021
00:23:08
26: Lying, Cheating, and Stealing
Many parents get very upset when they catch their children lying, stealing, or cheating. We all hate the feeling of betrayal, being lied to, or cheated. But we all lie for lots of reasons. Sometimes to cover up bad behaviours. Other times, we do it out of fear because we want to spare ourselves of punishment or avoid sanctions.
The same goes with our young ones. But one thing is certain, it’s often not as intentional as we adults think and do.
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your child keeps on lying? Why do they do it? How can you encourage your children to tell the truth?
Join me in this episode as I go into detail about why our children lie as well as the strategies you can use to address lying!
What you will learn in this episode:
Why lying bugs us so much?
Why do kids lie and why does it come so easily to them?
The different categories of lying and where your child might fit into
The 3 main goals for parents when dealing with lying
Teaching your kids how to apologize from the heart
How to teach and help your kids learn from their mistakes
Age-based ideas on dealing with lying
Earning back your child’s trust
How to encourage honesty
Communication will always be key in a loving relationship
Tantrums continue to be a huge problem for parents. Take a listen to this one hour Zoom seminar Mary did with a live audience with lots of practical advice on how to get a handle on tantrums in your home. Learn about:
Why tantrums happen
What to do while the tantrum is happening
What to do AFTER the tantrum is over
How to avoid tantrums in the future
If you'd like to see the full video with slides go to the Parenting Decoded YouTube channel: WATCH VIDEO HERE
It’s very difficult as a parent to see our kids struggle either academically or socially. For some of us we feel that our kid is the only one struggling and we have no idea where to turn to. In this podcast I interview Lexie Burnes of NeuroPlay Academics for information about how and when you might look to get your child tested if you suspect something is not quite right.
23 - Gift Giving and Kids: How To Create Giving Hearts and Gratitude in Our Kids
04 Dec 2020
00:20:14
Holidays and gift giving can bring about so much stress to families who are sucked into the commercialism of our current situation. In this podcast I want to give you all some hints about making gift giving a more heartfelt experience not only from you as the giver but also how to create an attitude of gratitude in our kids who are receiving those gifts. I’ll also go over some ideas about how to handle sibling-to-sibling giving as well as extended family situations which can easily get messy. I’m recording this in the holiday season, but it really applies to gifting at birthdays, graduations or any other type of event.
22 - How to Teach Kids To Be Grateful and Cultivate an Attitude of Gratefulness and Avoid Entitlement
20 Nov 2020
00:18:20
Kids are self-centered from the get-go, no doubt about it. We have to teach them to be grateful for all that they have, all that we give them. But, how on earth do we do that when there's so much taking and so little giving going on around us?
First, I want to talk about entitlement – what it is and how it can grow out of control. Then I’ll go over ideas on how to nurture an attitude of gratitude in your home.
Beware of these entitlement issues in your home: 1. Giving instant gratification
2. Rewards are expected
3. Boundaries are not respected
4. Life is supposed to be “Fair”
5. Providing constant entertainment
Try some of these ideas on how to grow an attitude of gratitude instead:
21 - Kids Who Want to Quit Sports Or Activities: What Does A Parent Do?
25 Oct 2020
00:11:28
Are you having trouble deciding whether to give in to your child's request to quit an activity? Feeling like you might be raising a kid to be a quitter if you do ? Take a listen to help you navigate this touchy subject!
It seems that many parents have to cross the threshold of their child wanting to quit an activity. It could be piano, basketball, soccer, violin, clarinet, tutoring, gymnastics, karate, whatever. Sometimes it's just private lessons that only impact your child. Other times, quitting impacts a whole a team which adds a dimension of guilt either by your child or maybe you especially if you’re the coach and your child no longer wants to play. In this podcast we’re going to talk about things to consider when running up against this issue in your own home then we will go over some real-life situations to make all a little more real.
I just want to start out saying that the reason this is so tough is because there IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. Yep, you really have to take lots of things into consideration, it's not a one-stop-shop.
65 - How to Connect with Teens and Tweens and Stay Connected as a Parent
24 Apr 2024
00:18:10
Getting teens and tweens to talk to parents is an age old battle the repeats itself over and over again with each new generation. Times change but our teens wanting independence from us doesn't.
In this episode learn some tips and tricks for how to get our kids to relax and just enjoy being with us so that they'll open up and want to trust us.
There is a list of activities and how to use them to break down the barriers and engage your teens and tweens that should lead to building trusting relationships.
Our kids are smart. They really know how to manipulate us into getting what they want – crying, whining, having tantrums, giving us the silent treatment. It can be overwhelming. In my last podcast we were learning how to use choices early to avoid power struggles from the get-go. In this podcast we’re going to follow along that positive path by using another technique that is a companion to choices – setting boundaries and limits.
Kids to better knowing the rules. Here are the guidelines to follow that I cover in this podcast: 1 - Define the boundaries 2 - Keep them positive 3 - Have consequences 4 - Be consistent 5 - Be reasonable 6 - Be calm and loving
19 - Using Choices With Kids to Helps Parents Avoid Power Struggles
21 Sep 2020
00:11:53
Do you feel like you’re always battling your child? You tell them to do something and you immediately get a “no” followed by whining and complaining or outright defiance? A simple request that turns into a war is enough to send us over the edge sometimes.
In this podcast I talk about how to avoid power struggles by using a secret weapon -- Choices! When used BEFORE battles start choices can be super effective.
If you kids are young, using playful choices when you know things might be difficult for them like transitioning from one location or activity to another. When your kids get older using choices can help increase independence and give them control that they really crave.
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I'm in California where parents are going through setting up and managing distanced learning in their homes since almost no schools are doing in-person learning.
This podcast will cover these areas: 1 - Physical LEARNING AREA - how to organize it, get rid of distractions, provide a quiet area to focus, how and when to charge and test devices, and how to keep online safety in your home in mind
2 - Establish clear routines - have daily and weekly schedules, post them, have morning and afternoon "check-in" sessions, figure out how to deal with time using timers and alarms Pinterest Schedules Link
3 - Encourage independence - let your kids know their work is their work! Let the teacher teach while letting your child own their own work and learn how to ask the teacher for help with they get stuck or bored
4 - Support family learning - have fun using learning for tasks like cooking, gardening, laundry and vacuuming! Be creative to see that learning can be fun and go on when kids aren't online. Most importantly, have some ideas for activities if there are problems getting online or doing school work. Here are some links to my Pinterest pages with ideas: https://www.pinterest.com/maryeschenparentingdecoded/boredom-busters/
5 - Lead your team with Family Meetings to talk about issues like - when quiet times are, how to interrupt mom or dad while they're working, how do have time with friends and special time with parents.
The point with all of this is to provide some structure and be flexible to solve problems as they come up.
Email me if you'd like to brainstorm ideas for your situation: mary@parentingdecoded.com
Many of us struggle with kids who whine, disobey and maybe even lie just to get their way. We get so exasperated we want to explode and some of us certainly do explode.
In this podcast we’ll explore what happens in our families if we’re always operating in “crisis mode” then talk about ways to avoid ever getting into that mode by using Family Meetings to set boundaries and limits while communicating as a family what behaviors are acceptable and expected.
Using this step-by-step method you can set a clear path to success for your family as a team and learn to solve problems together and celebrate living and learning in an ever changing world.