Explore every episode of the podcast Owning Your Sexual Self
Dive into the complete episode list for Owning Your Sexual Self. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
210. Hormone Testing 101 with Jordan D'Nelle
02 Dec 2024
00:57:41
Welcome back for another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast! This week I've got on a familiar face (or voice) Jordan D'Nelle! She's here to talk all about women's hormone testing. This is definitely in Jordan's wheelhouse, and I'm so impressed by her knowledge and I know you will be too!
In this episode:
Why hormone testing is essential for women’s health
A breakdown of key hormones like FSH, AMH, progesterone, and more
Tips for preparing for your next doctor’s visit with a personalized testing list
How to identify signs of perimenopause and menopause through hormone levels
The importance of checking in with yourself daily to track how you’re feeling
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
209. Navigating Affairs: Understanding, Healing, and Rebuilding Trust with Dr. Alison Ash
18 Nov 2024
00:32:38
Hello! We're back with another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast! I've got Dr Alison Ash back this week to talk about one of the most substantial relationship ruptures; affairs. If you're looking to understand why affairs occur, how to prevent them, or how to rebuild trust after a betrayal, this is an episode you want to listen to.
In this episode:
Reasons why affairs are often more about the individual’s needs than the relationship itself
Why open and honest communication about fantasies and desires can prevent relationship ruptures
Some unexpected ways an affair might impact the person who has been cheated on
How to keep the spark alive by bringing back fun, excitement, and newness to your relationship
How to know when it’s time to let go of a relationship after an affair and what to consider when making that decision
The importance of seeking professional support to navigate the complexities of infidelity. You don't need to do this on your own
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!
Resources Check out Dr. Aly's upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills course at www.TurnON.love/intimacy. Use the discount code "sexualself" for $100 off!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
200. Navigating Initiation and Reigniting Passion with Dr. Moali
17 Jun 2024
00:36:20
Hello! I'm back with another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast! This week I've got on amazing guest, Dr. Moali. She is a sex and relationship expert, clinical psychologist, and host of the Sexology Podcast. With her expertise as a certified sex therapist, educator, and speaker, she has positively impacted thousands of couples worldwide. We'll be talking all about how to reignite your spark and connection in long-term relationships!
In this episode:
Some issues long-term couples face with sexual intimacy and why these struggles are often ignored.
Practical strategies for initiating sex in a long-term relationship.
How to communicate with your partner about sexual needs and desires outside the bedroom to foster a healthier connection.
The differences between spontaneous and responsive desire and how to navigate these dynamics within your relationship.
The importance of giving positive feedback and having post-intimacy discussions to reinforce successful experiences and encourage more frequent connections.
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
110. Tips for Staying Intimate Through Pregnancy with Bri Carey
11 Apr 2022
00:23:21
Bri Carey is here to talk about helping couples stay connected and keeping their relationship a priority through pregnancy. Bri has two little ones, a 6 year old and a 2.5 year old. She’s been in the sexual health and wellness field for almost 14 years. She’s been married for 15 years. In her coaching work she primarily works with couples and one of the toughest things that comes up for couples is the conversation around intimacy during pregnancy and even after with postpartum.
What are the common struggles that women or couples go through when it comes to intimacy during a typical pregnancy? You’re growing another human, you’re having morning sickness or body aches and pains, and you’re basically becoming this whole different person in 10 months. You're having to deal with that and you’re taking care of this child in your womb, and having to navigate working, maintaining your house, and also your partner on top of that. It’s a lot of not feeling well, feeling bloated and swollen, not feeling sexy, or feeling like you don’t know this body you’re in. When working with couples, we talk about things like how to feel confident in your body, and appreciating your body for what it's doing.
What are some ways for couples to make sure they’re making their relationship a priority? Find different ways to be intimate that isn't sex. Baths together, massages, just opening up communication and talking. Scheduling creates consistency. When you have consistency your body will crave it more, and you feel a lot more connected. Date night, especially before baby, getting as much 1 on 1 time as possible. A little getaway just to refresh before the baby arrives. Using communication cards to connect on a deeper level. Making intimacy and your relationship a priority during pregnancy will definitely help make things easier postpartum.
What about women who might be interested in solo pleasure, or if their partner isn’t around? During the second trimester, you’re having a surge of hormones and that’s when a lot of women really feel the most arousal and want to have sex more. So take care of it sis, get your vibrator, use your hands, just enjoy that. Enjoy it, don’t feel like because you’re pregnant you can’t masturbate.
What are the challenges people might face when they’re just a couple weeks postpartum? When Bri had her son she had some tearing. When she went to her six week appointment her midwife gave her the all clear. It was maybe a couple of weeks after that appointment when they first tried to have sex again, and Bri immediately knew something isn’t right. She went back to her midwife and the midwife said that everything looks great, told Bri to have a glass of wine and use more lubrication. It’s bullshit that this is what women are told. We start to internalize and feel guilty that we don’t want to have sex with our partner because it’s painful. When we give birth there is vaginal trauma. Your body can remember that trauma and you may have to retrain your body to enjoy pleasure. Get comfortable touching yourself again. Using vibration is helpful to wake up those nerve endings in a different way. Have your partner join in with you, have them hold the vibrator on you, or guide their hand. Work your way up to penetration with a small toy, then your partner.
Advocate for yourself. Use your voice and speak up. If the doctors have a checklist, you should have your checklist too. If you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you, find a new one because you don’t have to suffer.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
109. WTF is a Dripstick?
28 Mar 2022
00:17:11
I know you’re probably wondering wtf is a Dripstick? Is it something I’m going to use for my car? Is it something that is sexual? I mean, this is a sex podcast so it has to be something sexual, right? Well in this episode, I’m going to tell you exactly what it is. Forewarning, things do get just a touch personal and graphic. As you all know, my husband and I have decided not to have children. And as of November, we were giving the all clear that everything was good and successful with his vasectomy. Which means that our sex life really changed moving forward, we no longer have that worry that I could end up pregnant. As a lot of women know, the feeling of having cum inside of you is just not the most comfortable thing in the world. (At least in this podcaster's humble opinion.)
How did I find out about this thing called a Dripstick? My friend had talked about it in a group chat! She basically said that these things are amazing and that we needed to try them out. I remember seeing it and thinking wtf is it and why are you using it after a sexual encounter? Now that I’m experiencing the uncomfortability of cum dripping out hours after a sexual encounter, I definitely get it. So I went over to awkwardessentials.com and I look up these Dripsticks.
What is a Dripstick? It is an aftercare sex clean up product. It is actually the first ever sex clean up product out there. It’s made out of a soft medical-grade sponge and will clean up excess fluids so you can move on with your day or night. No more perpetual gooey feeling, dripping, or ruined sheets. Dripstick is not a form of birth control, it is not an std or sti protection, and it is not a menstruation product.
How do you use one? Once you open up your package, you’ll notice that it does kind of look like a tampon. It has a soft sponge on one end and a small plastic handle on the other. You want to make sure you’re peeing before and after using this, you will also want to make sure you store it in a cool dry place, and avoid direct exposure to light. So what you’ll do when it’s time to use it, you want to make sure you don’t touch the sponge to keep everything as clean and sanitary as possible. So, you’ll grab that little handle, then while seated you want to slowly and carefully insert the sponge into the vaginal canal and maintain a grip on the handle. If insertion is difficult, wait a few minutes for the fluids to reach the vaginal canal. Then you’re going to gently twist the Dripstick around as it is still inserted vaginally, and twist as necessary. You don’t want to leave the sponge in there for a long period of time like you would a tampon. The great thing about this is how soft it is, it’s not going to feel like a dry tampon. It is also not meant for reuse. You will remove this from the vaginal canal, put it back in the package and then dispose of it. If you feel like you still have fluids in the canal after using one sponge, use a new one to get the rest.
This has absolutely been a game changer for us in our sex life. Before I had Awkward Essentials in my life, I was sometimes thinking like “I don’t really want him to finish inside me, I’ve got plans tonight, I’ve got stuff to do today. I don’t want to be like dripping and squishing around for the rest of the day.” I’m so grateful that there's a company out there that's creating products like this for these awkward times in our life.
Referral link: http://www.awkwardessentials.com/discount/Rachel10 Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/Well
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
108. Women's Circles- All the Woo You Want to Know About
21 Mar 2022
00:34:29
Today I’m going to share with you a look into my women’s circles. I want to share the journey from my first women’s circle to my last one, how it started, what it is, what you do, what the point is, the energy that comes from it, and some stories from the circles we’ve done.
What is a women's circle? For thousands of years, women have been coming together and holding space for one another to create magic, intention, emotion, and vulnerability. The outcome from these circles is incredible, and so powerful. Not only the feeling when you’re actually in the circle, but the things that you’re then able to put to rest, or set intentions around. It's about knowing you’re supported, loved, and exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. Women’s circles are done around either a full moon or a new moon. For both new and full moons, you can observe them day before, the day of, and the day after.
New moon It is when the moon is at its darkest and is sometimes called the dark moon. From here is where it gradually builds in strength towards the full moon. It is a more introspective time and represents new beginnings as we plant seeds for the future. It’s a good time to set clear intentions for the month ahead, clarify your goals, start new projects, and acknowledge your growth. It’s also a good time to let go and release what no longer serves you so that you can welcome in the new. Full moon Is the phase where the sun illuminates the entire moon. It represents completion, fertility, abundance, and transformation. It can also be a time of friction, polarity, and more intense emotional energy. Everything is in full illumination. Which means it’s a good time to look honestly at the full spectrum of what is or is not working for you. With this higher energy also comes more outward connection and celebration, plus your psychic abilities may be more fully awake, so listen closely to what you intuitively want to shed, let go of, and release.
How do women's circles go? With every moon we start by dropping in, introducing ourselves and saying what is present for us, what are we feeling right now. We’re able to get to know each other, we set the agreements to the circle, and what our expectations are of ourselves and each other. We want to make sure everyone feels respected and everyone’s boundaries are being met, and that people are getting the support and the love that they came here for.
What can you do for a new moon? When I held my circle for the new moon, we set intentions for 2022, we talked about the things that may have held us back or things we wanted to let go of, We did an exercise for the things we wanted to let go of by burning some paper. Then we were able to plant the seeds for 2022 by writing our intentions on a bay leaf, and planting it inside a small succulent.
What can you do for a full moon? This full moon was all about putting things to close and letting go of things that have been holding us back, or things we have been struggling with. We created some energy with water, by using herbs and essential oils to indicate things that were holding us back. We dissolved those things with sea salt and then we were able to stand on my canal, be under the full moon, and then dump our bowls of water into the canal to be washed away.
I’m not sure what this is all going to evolve into but I’m excited. I’m excited to see the transformation that comes from our circle.
Noell Grace for Numerology: noell.grace8@gmail.com (Tell her Rachel Maine ref
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
107. 3 Steps for Sharing Your Fantasies With Your Partner
14 Mar 2022
00:19:25
One of my favorite activities when working with couples is allowing them to describe to each other what their needs and wants in the bedroom. Oftentimes couples aren’t having this conversation with each other, which can leave someone being unsure what their partner likes or if they’re enjoying themselves. Couples are just trying to feel connection with their partner, and being able to share fantasies with your partner can be such an erotic yet, spiritual connection for people.
What exactly does fantasy mean? Fantasy is a fanciful mental image typically one on which a person dwells at length or repeatedly and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes. There are some things that we fantasize about that we don’t necessarily want to happen in real life. Sometimes your fantasy can present itself in real life, and in that moment, you can decide no, this isn’t what it looks like in my fantasy or this isn’t what I thought it would feel like. Some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies.
I want to give you three steps on how to comfortably share your fantasies with your partner.
Step 1- Get comfortable with your fantasies on your own. It’s really hard for you to ask your partner to do something with you in bed if you don’t feel truly comfortable with what it is you’re asking for. Practice having these conversations in front of a mirror, or just saying the words out loud to yourself in the car. Step 2- Use leading and open ended questions. If you’re really feeling shy about talking about your fantasies, it can really be helpful to use these leading questions to gauge your partner’s response. Introduce the concept of the fantasy without specifically saying you’re interested in trying it. For example tell your partner “I was listening to this podcast today and the girl mentioned mutual masturbation. Have you ever thought about doing that together?”. You’re keeping it a little vague, you want their opinion, and you want to hear what they have to say about it. Step 3- Tell your partner directly why you want to explore your fantasy with them. There’s always a possibility that hearing your fantasy may bring up an insecurity for your partner. One way to get around this, to avoid that insecurity your partner might be feeling, would be to share why you want to explore that fantasy with them specifically. The reality is that most people want to explore fantasies because they enjoy connecting with their partner, not because the sex that they’re currently having is terrible. Credit to Vanessa Martin, Sex Therapist for these three steps.
If you are sitting here thinking I don’t even know what my fantasies are, or what I want to explore, I would invite you to go to my website, and check out the masterclass that I did on this. It will walk you through one of my most favorite exercises for couples, the Want, Will, Won’t List. With this purchase you’re going to get my downloadable version of the list, and you’ll also get the replay of me walking through exactly the step by step on how to complete the Want, Will, Won’t list. The list has so many things that you or your partner may be fantasizing about so it’s a great tool for couples to walk through together.
I’m hoping this fantasy episode left you intrigued and thinking that there are definitely some things you want to share with your partner. But also curious about what you might be missing out on. What other fantasies or types of things are out there that other people are doing that you might want to incorporate into your own sexual life.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
106. Proper Breast Play
07 Mar 2022
00:20:34
We’ve definitely talked foreplay before, but today I want to get a little more detailed and dive specifically into breast play. This really stemmed from when I was revamping my program Sexual Confidence Academy, and going through the foreplay module.
Breast play is a really great tool for the majority of people when it’s done right. It can be very soft, sensual, and subtle, and it will really set the right mood for you. If you go right into sex before the foreplay process, it can make penetration feel very uncomfortable for us. And it has to be enjoyable foreplay, if it’s not enjoyable, that 15 to 20 minutes basically will not have even happened. If you’re not enjoying it, your body is not responding in the way that you want it to to move from desire to arousal. You all know what I’m talking about when I say that so much of the time men just love to honk our breasts, and that’s all fine, fun, or cutesy here and there. But when done right, breast play can be such an incredibly fun and engaging tool for foreplay. So how can we make breast play so much more intimate and enjoyable for everyone?
Where should you start? We all know what breasts look like, and we all know what bras look like, so if you can focus and you want to start stroking and touching around the bra line, that’s really the best way to start. If you can cup your hand into a U shape, and put your thumb right into the middle, on the sternum, so if you’re making the U shape and pushing up against the breast, you can then gently squeeze your hand. Then you will start working your hands around the side, to the top, being gentle and sensual. We’re exploring around the breasts, and not pulling and flicking and honking, or just focusing on the nipples. Another great way to make this a little more erotic for you during your foreplay is by kneeling with the person receiving the breast play in front and the person that’s giving the breast play behind and do all the bra line stroking, touching, and sexual caressing because that then allows the person receiving to see all the things their partner is doing. It also allows your vulva area to be exposed or touched, or have a toy be used.
What about the nipples? If you're wanting to start some nipple stimulation make sure you ask your partner about it, not everyone enjoys it. Some people have very high sensitivity when it comes to nipple stimulation. You can ask in a very sexual way, by saying something like 'I would love to explore your nipples. Is it okay if I rub your nipples?" "Is it okay give your nipples some attention?" "Is it okay if I touch here?" When you do get the okay, you don't want to just flick or pull at them. You can trap the nipple between your index and middle finger, almost the same feel as nipple clamps might do. A very soft pinching feel or even just gently rubbing over the nipples.
There are so many things that we can incorporate into our foreplay, and having conversations with our partner about what feels good, is so important. If you haven't listened to my 3 minute game podcast episode, it is truly a great tool. It can help you bring up with your partner the things you do want to explore or try in the bedroom. You can also try my Relationship Regroup and pencil in trying breast play for the sexploration, and spend 30 minutes solely focused on breast play.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
105. Creative Monogamy with Dr. Joli Hamilton
28 Feb 2022
00:36:53
Today I’m super excited to be talking to Joli Hamilton an AASECT certified sex educator about creative monogamy. It’s all about finding the right relationship style for your unique self.
Who is Joli? Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist,TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required.
How did Joli get started in creative monogamy? She got there by making all the mistakes, like so many educators find themselves having to study out of their own problems first. She was married to someone, fell in love with someone else, and had no idea what to do. So she started studying, but she couldn’t find a guide to help craft a creative monogamous or non monogamous agreement that would work for her. She’s just out here being what she wished had existed in the world.
What is creative monogamy? It is a process that two individuals enter into that involves thought experiments, discussions, conversation, fun, and a lot of experiments to come to agree on exactly what we are doing in this relationship together, and where we’re allowing for expansion and things that might not be exclusive. It’s about creating the relationship that you want to have.
What does the process look like? First each person needs to enter a dialog with themselves. Ask yourself, what are your values, what do you want, how did you learn about relationships, what is impacting you in relationships in patterns throughout your life. Get clear about what we actually want, and what our boundaries are. Then you go through what the wants are and go through prioritizing and figuring out not necessarily what the most wanted is but more what feels safe to explore now.
What are the challenges that can come up when the negotiation process is happening? Some of the stuff that comes up is going to trigger your partner. It’s just inevitable. Learning to accept that you might not get a positive answer opens up space for you to bravely vulnerably share, and then wait and see, figure out where this might go, or reclaim it and figure out how you can meet it yourself. If you can prioritize growth over comfort, you will come out of this leveled up, excited, passionate about growing and learning together.
Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love She wrote this book because she knew she wanted to have something in this world to point to and say “here are some basic tools to be really helpful for you to have the relationship you wish to have”. She didn’t write it specifically for non monogamy, or to solve any one problem. It’s a 12 step action plan for adding tools to your tool kit for how you do relationships.
If you’re not happy with where you’re at right now, or even if you are happy, there’s still so much more available to you. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
104. ADHD & Intimacy with Chris Connolly
21 Feb 2022
00:43:54
I’m talking today with Chris Connelly about how ADHD affects sexuality and intimate relationships. I have a feeling that this episode is going to be very relatable to so many of my listeners, and myself included. You might hear some of the things Chris has to say, and think to yourself “Hm, this sounds a lot like me.” Chris started her sexploration in high school as a peer sex educator at the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. She went on to receive her degree in Community Health from the University of Maine and to work at the Center on Halsted community center in Chicago as a Health Educator. In 2013 she began her research to hack online dating which bloomed into her current 5 step dating course that she has now customized to serve the ADHD community.
What has Chris’s experience with ADHD been? When she was tested in the 4th grade, she was told it definitely was not ADHD, but instead that it was dyslexia. When she was in college, she had a therapist suggest that she try ADHD meds to see if that would help her. Before the meds, her head was like a keg party, and then all of a sudden on the meds, it was like all the people at the party were waiting in line to talk and not just a mess of noise.
What changes did she start to notice after getting diagnosed and being put on meds? Meds do make it easier for her to finish a sentence and focus on something, as long as she's interested in it. People often think that having ADHD means you can’t focus on things, but it’s so not the case. For example; that bird outside the window is way more interesting than the teacher in front of the class. I can focus on that bird for 45 minutes just fine, the attention we have just isn’t going where other people want it to. It’s about being able to drive your attention instead of the attention driving you.
The biggest challenge that people have is not believing their self worth. Or not having the right tools that will work with an ADHD brain. We just need to be authentic and honest, to be able to have self acceptance without being self critical, knowing that I’m am perfect just the way I am. Maybe my brain can’t connect all the sentences in the right way, but my brain can take a bunch of information and make connections that other people wouldn’t be able to make.
How does ADHD affect sex? It can be like listening to a boring lecture, “Where else can my brain go that’s more interesting?”. If we know what’s going to happen, we’re left thinking how can I get novelty back into my sexual life and stay connected? When you tell an ADHD brain we have to get there instead of seeing if we can get there, the brain is going to throw a fit and say no. We need to thinking about the journey being the destination, or the destination is connecting with yourself or connecting with another person.
What can we do to change this? Try thinking of sex like a game. Things like, touching for 10 minutes, but the bikini area is off limits. Maybe keep the sexual sessions shorter. You can focus on something for 30 seconds or 1 minute, then allow yourself to get distracted, take a few deep breaths, and then come back, or maybe not. Maturbate curiously, maybe you don’t start with doing things with a partner. Notice yourself, notice when you come and which ways you touch yourself is useful.
"I’m not worried about diagnoses. I’m worried about making sure people loving themselves, knowing they’re not broken and being able to have fulfilling lives, relationships and sexuality with themselves and others."
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
103. Edging for Beginners
14 Feb 2022
00:20:02
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Today’s topic is edging, something you can implement in your sex life or relationship all year round. Edging is something I’ve learned about over the last few years, but I feel like I was edging before I knew I was edging.
I wanted to share this information with you about edging for so many reasons. It can help men last longer, it can help with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, for both sexes edging is a great technique to build up frustration as a great foreplay tool, and it’s something that is going to increase and intensify your orgasm. Edging can also allow for longer sexual sessions, it can increase your sexual stamina and give you more controlled orgasms.
Edging is a sexual technique to build up an orgasm by teasing and delaying gratification right up until the point of orgasm. Essentially this will look like getting very very close to orgasm without allowing them or yourself to achieve an orgasm.
Why should you try edging? Especially for people who have penises edging is going to get them close to achieving orgasm to get that build up, and is going to allow them to have a stronger more intense orgasm. It will also prepare them for future sexual sessions and allow them to last longer in them. If you know you’re going to be edged by your partner, so to give yourself the state of mind to pull back and not allow yourself to get to orgasm gives you so much control over your own sexuality.
Here are five steps on how to edge the next time you’re masturbating or having sex with a partner. Edging is another technique that I will recommend that you start exploring on yourself first. Starting solo with anything when it comes to sex is really the best practice overall so that you can learn and know your body in a better way.
#1. Stimulate yourself or your partner until you feel you are right at the point of climax. This is going to give you the opportunity to learn your body and be able to identify the signs in yourself that you’re going to climax #2. Slow down or pause the stimulation so that you or they don’t climax. Maybe you’re slowing the speed or pressure, or moving on to a different area of the body. #3. Wait for a couple of deep breaths so you or your partner can control the orgasm and not climax. Breathing is such a huge piece of having sex. There are some people who really breathe through their orsams or foreplay, and there are some people who hold their breath. Practicing different breaths through your orgsams can be very enlightening for you to learn. #4. You are going to start back up and get the build up back to the point of orgasm. Think of edging as kind of like a rollercoaster, it goes up and down, up and down. #5. After edging for as many times as you like, finally allow yourself or your partner to release and achieve an orgasm. This might be a discussion you have with your partner beforehand about how many times you want to edge. Maybe you will incorporate it into dirty talk and count for your partner and let them know during the edging process.
Often times when it comes to sex we just go to fast. Edging is not the technique for the quickie sort of sex scene. This is where you have the time and you want to take the time to do sexual exploration with your partner and I can speak from personal experience that when maybe the desire isn’t there right at the beginning, edging can absolutely bring you into it. I'm so excited to share all this information with you and to hear all of your feedback! To
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
102. How to Initiate Sex
07 Feb 2022
00:20:38
Initiation is something a lot of people struggle with. So many of us have a fear of rejection which often comes up when you’re thinking about initiating sex. So this week I'm going over the five different initiation styles directly from my Come As You Are book by Emily Nagoski.
The five different initiation styles: Provocative Seduction Style - You want to see their desire for you with a little skin, signs of arousal, undressing or posing for your delight, being approached with provocative teasing, playful hints or words of desire. Sensual Touch Style - Physical touch is what you need. Caressing the neck, getting a massage, even direct contact to the genitals. Emotional Connection Style - You respond to sweetness, romantic gestures, or connecting conversations. Demonstrations of love and sharing are essential to you moving into the erotic relm. Sex Talk Style - Whether it’s being told how sexy you look, or being told what your partner wants to do to you, direct sexual words are what really opens up a context to erotisism for you. Power Play Style - You’re bold. Maybe you like to dabble in bondage, kink, or bdsm things. The focus and attention in creating a power differential, either being in control, or being controlled. Being approached with confidence and urgency is key for you.
Just as we have with the desire styles, most people are going to be a mixture of more than onet. This is a great exercise to do with your partner and see what works for you as an individual, what works for your partner, and what works for the two of you together. What techniques can you do for each style? Provocative Seduction Style - Send or show a sexy picture, take a provocative post, show more skin, hint at or joke about sex, engage in sexual planning, wear or don’t wear types of clothing, undress for their partner, tells their partner directly that they want to have sex Sensual Touch Style - Caress all body parts including the non-sexual parts, kiss or caress on the neck, start slow, give soft gentle kisses, touch the back and butt, wake up with kisses or sexual touch, stroke the chest and nipples, and give a massage. Emotional Connection Style - Act genuinely interested in what they have to say, arrange quality time such as a romantic dinner or event, address concerns or worries that they might have, make them laugh easily and a lot, engage in deep romantic conversation, tell them how much you love them, do something genuinely caring or thoughtful Sex Talk Style - Tells them how sexy they am or how much you desire them, tell them the things you want to do to them, talk dirty to them, send a sexy message Power Play Style - Pushing up against a wall or a bed, taking charge of the situation, is rough or forceful, demand you have them immediately, approach them from behind, surprise them, or be spontaneous.
When it comes to your sexual pleasure you do not have to wait for the mood to strike. If you’re waiting for the mood to strike, for the stress to go away, you might be waiting forever because even though one stressor might be put out, there’s always going to be another. So stop waiting for the *right* time. The more you wait, the more frustration you’re going to feel, the more that isolation is going to happen, you’re worry will build up between your partner, you might start to think some intrusive thoughts. A great way to really help your partner’s blockers turn off is to make sure they feel attractive, supportive, admired, and there is no obligation to want sex. In couples that they
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
101. I’m Here Because I’ve Been There
31 Jan 2022
00:44:52
This week me and Jordan D'Nelle are having a raw conversation about why intimacy coaching is so important and our personal journeys. Generally you get into this field because you have some sort of history around this, and when we share our own unique stories it can inspire so many more people out there listening.
For me, just from a really young age, I’ve just been comfortable around things sex related. At the age of 14 and I had sex for the first time, and I achieved an orgasm, so I just felt like sex in general was just something I was always “good” at. I discovered my body at such a young age and engaged in that as much as possible.
When Jordan was a child, she always played teacher, and would show her imaginary friends her vulva in a “show and tell”. And then around 10 started humping pillows, and showing her friends, and then “practicing” with her friends how the whole experience would work. She then lost her virginity at 15, but it wasn’t a lovely great story, it was “hey everyone else is doing it, let’s just get it over with so I don’t have this anticipation lingering over me, let’s just make it happen.”. It wasn't until she was 23 that she had her first orgasm with a partner.
In my undergrad years, going for my degree in social work, that I started working at a place called first step which was an agency for sexual and domestic abuse survivors, and I was a survivors advocate for them. Essentially, my job was when someone experienced sexual assault and if they had reached out and went to law enforcement, or went to a hospital, I would be the one to meet them there and go over their options with them, and letting them know that they had the choice to decide what is right for them. That job kinda messed with me for a bit. Seeing sex in such a negative light like that. That really was a turning point for me, especially when I learned that sex therapy was a thing I could do.
In middle and high school, Jordan was always the girl that was doing all her projects on STI’s, Plan B, and abortion, she was the one helping and going with her friends when they needed to go to planned parenthood, or answering questions about their body. She then went into PA school, and she always knew she wanted to work with women specifically. As a Pure Romance consultant, she was helping all these women with learning about their bodies, and giving women a safe place to do that with her podcast.
In my role now as a coach, I take people through the journey of discovering themselves What happened in your past that got you to be the sexual person that you are today? What about that sexual person is it that you love? What about it do you want to make better? From there we can play on the strengths that you already love about your sex life, and I can give you the tools and education that you need to get your sex life, your self pleasure life, and your overall sexual confidence to the point that you desire. There are so many different things that people experience, and having a safe place to go is so important. This kind of sex coaching is doing the work, and having the person that knows what questions to ask, and what tools to give you. We’re going to teach you all of the really really right ways to do the things.
We both have personal journeys that really led us to become a sex and intimacy coach. There are certain things that have happened in our lives, and things we have learned through this that amplified our sex lives beyond what we could have imagined.
Connect with Jordan IG & Facebook @Jordandnelle Podcast: Vaginas,
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
199. Mastering Sexual Communication, Techniques, and Intimate Wellness with Susan Bratton
03 Jun 2024
00:47:39
We're back with another episode of the Owning You Sexual Self Podcast! This week I've got on an amazing guest, Susan Bratton! She is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. She’s created hundreds of techniques that transform “having sex” into making love and is the world’s most well-respected sexual biohacker. I'm so excited for you all to hear every wonderful thing she has to say!
In this episode:
Learn how to transform sex into profound lovemaking through enhanced communication and connection
How effective bedroom communication is absolutely needed for a fulfilling sex life
Different techniques to discover and stimulate various types of orgasms, promoting pleasure and satisfaction for both partners
How becoming a "beginner" again will vastly improve your sexual experiences
The incredible things that can happen when you treat your partner as they desire to be treated instead of how you want to be treated
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
100. The Breakup That Changed My Life
24 Jan 2022
00:32:51
I’m being vulnerable and emotional with you this week. I've been discovering what parts of my past and my experiences helped me get to this place today, a place that I’m able to now hold space for other people who are going through something similar. This experience that I’m going to share with you today truly helped me design the masterpiece that is my Sexual Confidence Academy. There is not one single thing I would change about my past, because had it not been for this experience, this situation, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
How has my sexual confidence changed my life? I have a voice in the bedroom. I had the freaking balls to leave my government paid job to pursue a career in sex therapy and sex coaching full time. I’m able to set better boundaries with family and with friends, I’m able to have more fulfilling relationships with them. I’m able to walk into rooms where I only know no one with confidence.
Okay, now to the story. I remember it clear as day. I’m sitting in my apartment, super cozy, surrounded by Christmas lights. My boyfriend at the time walks in and says that essentially our relationship was over after 5 and a half years. He was going to be moving out, and that was that, it was completely one sided. I really had no idea it was coming. This relationship was what I would call a loveless relationship. Was there love on my end? Yes, I told this person often that I loved them, but not once did they say it back. That is so hard for me to say, to think about the girl I was then, the lack of confidence I had then. That I stayed in that relationship, even though I was giving and giving in this relationship, and never got it back.
A little background on me, and my issues. I have been a serial monogamous dater. Up until that point, I had never been single, I had also never been broken up with. This was the transition for me, this was the starting point of me figuring out who the fuck I am. This forced me to be single, this forced me to figure out who I was, this forced me to really know and understand who it was that I wanted to become. In the six months that I gave myself to be single and really work on me, I was treating myself the way I want others to treat me, treating myself the way I know I deserve to be treated. Ultimately I believe that's what allowed Danny to reenter my life. And from the moment we reconnected, and he kissed me for the first time, I just knew that Danny was my person.
Previously in my life I was like a chameleon I morphed myself to do things to appease other people. If you know me personally, you know I now do what I fucking want. With my signature program, Sexual Confidence Academy, this is what I help you do. This will help you figure out the pieces of your past in regards to sex. All the things that shape a part of who you are today. So instead of you being on a nine plus year journey to figure out all the pieces, I’ve put all these things together for you. When you can get your sexual confidence on lock, that is going to allow so much more confidence to show up in all areas of your life. I am damn proud of the person that I am today. I am so fucking proud that I have the opportunity to create things like this to help other women feel proud like this, and feel confidence like this.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
99. Just Two Bitches on Only Fans with Tatum Zoe
17 Jan 2022
00:43:48
I’m super pumped to have ‘regular bitch with blue hair’ Tatum Zoe on this week to talk all about Only Fans! Only Fans is a platform that is growing so much, that gets a lot of shade, but I truly believe so much good can come from it. Who is Tatum? Tatum is my Arizona girl crush. Tatum is super loud, out there, and honest and open with her friends. She’s the friend that just overshares everything about her life. Tatum got her start on instagram, talking into the camera like it was one of her friends. Then she started her podcast after being a serial dater, and realized that all these stories would make for great listening. Now that she’s fully stepped into her confident sexy girl vibe she’s seriously thinking about starting an Only Fans, but is worried about the stigma. She’s been doing Instagram modeling for a while, and is realizing she’s giving away all these pictures for free, why shouldn’t she start getting paid for them?
I officially started my Only Fans profile in April of 2020. It’s been awesome for many reasons. I’ve been able to connect with more people, oftentimes people will randomly find me on Only Fans and then go over to my instagram so they can get a little bit more of my real life, and they’re listening to my podcast, or jumping into my coaching programs. In general it’s just another network of people that you’re reaching.
Is Only Fans just porn? Nope! Only Fans isn’t always porn, so much of it is boudoir or implied nudes, just women being their confident sexy selves! I’m not always done up, or doing professional photos, sometimes it’s just waking up and holding a boob and taking a selfie, but I’m getting all these compliments on my confidence. People truly just love to see women that are embracing the confident sexy side of themselves.
Why Do Only Fans? We're both entrepreneurs, we’re going to make money where we can make the money. I have goals of being multimillionaire someday, having multiple streams of income is going to support that, and if we can do something that I already have access to, I’m going to do it. You can decide what you charge for on Only Fans, you can make your own "menu" of what you offer. I definitely fall into the exhibitionist category, I enjoy being watched, and looked at, and receiving the feedback from people about how hot I am or how sexy that is.
How easy is Only Fans to do? You don't need to quit your day job, Only Fans so manageable to do on the side. If you can consistently post at least a few times a week then you're doing a good job. The majority of your money is going to come from what they call "pay per view" which is through your direct messaging. It's going to be people messaging you asking for specific things, you then create that for them, and you decide how much you're going to charge for that thing.
Are there haters? Yeah, of course there are. But, what’s funny, is that my two biggest months were the first two months I started because all those haters subscribed to my only fans just to snoop on what I was doing. After I announced I was doing this, people started asking my husband Danny questions about our marriage, if I was doing porn, if we were okay, or getting divorced. Like WHAT? People can not wrap their heads around the fact that Danny is okay with this. But, the people that have a problem with this, they’re the ones who need to take that inside look and ask themselves why is this triggering to me? “If it makes you happy, fuck it” I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and the most confident I’ve ever been in my lif
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
98. How We Made Covid Sexy!
10 Jan 2022
00:34:24
Happy 2022, everyone! I'm back and so pumped to share all the things with you this year. When I started this podcast 2 full years ago, my voice was hoarse, I sounded so masculine, I felt like shit, but I pushed through the pain, annoyance, and my motherfucking inner critic, and did it anyway. And I'm so thankful to have been able to give you all this amazing free resource here. If you’re looking for information on desire, on how to strengthen your relationship, I have provided so, so many episodes and tools for you and your sex life. For this year I’m trying to focus on being more in my feelings and being in tune with my body and work on things I’m feeling inspired to work on in that moment. It might not be educational resourceful things each and every week, it’s going to be more conversational. I’m going to be sharing more stories about my life, and what’s going on in our marriage. I want to share with you the real life shit that is going on in my life, in our life.
This episode I’m going to focus specifically on Covid. When I had, what was most likely Covid, back in December of 2019, it was a time where there was no sex happening, there was no making Covid sexy. But we’ve done so much work on our relationship, and dove into our sex life, and gotten so much in tune with our marriage since then. When we had Covid back in April, Danny had to take 10 days off work, and that was an amazing time for us to be able to connect, especially sexually. We were feeling good and able to put focus into things like we wanted to get done, we spent all day every day together. It was amazing to see what our life would look like when our dream life was happening. So we started really working together to make this dream life a reality.
I ended up testing positive for Covid this year the day before Christmas Eve, which was very, very, very disheartening. It was super sad for both of us, since Danny had been around me, we knew it was only a matter of time before he tested positive too, and of course he did. This time, we let ourselves be lazy, if that’s what our bodies needed, if we felt like working we would, but we weren’t setting alarms, we were allowing ourselves to binge watch shows, and just rest. ,Even though we were wrapped up on the couches, feeling like crap, we still made sure to do the things we wanted to get done together. We didn’t have sex for the first 7 days of our quarantine, it came down to a point where we were finally feeling a little better, so we decided to take a bath together. We both were so relaxed and zen, and I noticed we were both so spaced out. When I asked Danny what he was thinking about, he was thinking about having sex, and of course, so was I. So from there we started asking each other what exactly kind of fantasy we were just thinking about. We were just able to enjoy each other's company on a more intimate level from there. It was fun and sexy to be able to listen to each other's fantasies and have that power within ourselves to share those fantasies, and to be able to act on them in that moment. That's been our life, our covid life, for the last few weeks, but we're out now. We're back to our schedules, and back to the intimacy that we long for in our relationship.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
97. When Religion and Sex Meet with Julia Postema
27 Dec 2021
00:29:33
The topic this week, is definitely out of my wheelhouse, so I’ve brought on expert, Julia Postema to talk about sex and religion. Julia grew up in a super insular community, she spent all summers at christian camps, and went to a tiny christian school. So she had very little exposure to the outside world. Now she's a sex therapist working with clients on the broad spectrum from abusive religious communities to super healthy religious communities.
Who can experience things like shame or guilt around sexuality? She has clients who will experience these things even if they didn’t grow up in a religious household, sometimes because they grew up in a time when purity culture was at its height.
What is Purity Culture? Purity culture tends to focus on rigid expectations around gender, abstinence only education, and very little support and understanding the basics of biology and physiology.
How does she help clients overcome the feelings of shame or guilt around religion and sex There isn’t really an easy answer for this. A big part of the initial work is just unpacking how people first learned about sexuality. The first part is naming what we first learned about ourselves and what we learned about our body, and then hopefully learning what else might be true, and what other narratives exist around sexulity.
Can sex and religion coexist in a healthy way? They definitely can, and she honors however her clients decide to integrate or not integrate faith into their lives as they pursue a more holistic sexual identity. Whether they decide to try to make their religious traditions and sexuality coexist or decide to leave their religious all together, they're doing really brave work.
What would you say as they’re going through the journey of reclaiming their sexuality, what challenges are they faced with? Even if a person doesn’t experience a specific acute sexual trauma, growing up or being exposed to negative messages around sexuality, can take the form of cumulative trauma. If a person continues to hear the message that female sexuality is dangerous, that their bodies are dirty, that sex is something to avoid, and all the other negative messages that people hear, it can have the same impact as acute trauma. So it can take a similar kind of work to heal and reclaim sexuality.
What would you say are some of the biggest changes you can see in your clients? Sometimes clients will have really big exciting therapeutic revelations or experiences, but often the change is tiny baby steps in the right direction. Progress takes time, clients have to be patient. Quite a bit of the work is just giving ourselves the permission to be sexual people.
In all of this work with clients who are working through their own baggage around religiosity or clients who are simply trying to do good work around sexual development, at its core sexuality is about our ability to access our own humanity, so reclaiming sexuality is a way that we are literally saving ourselves in order to live the life that we are worthy of living. Sexuality is a birthright.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
96. Designing the Relationship You Desire
20 Dec 2021
00:35:17
My number one goal in the work I do is to help you feel more confident in your sexual life and in your relationships. This conversation I’m having with you today will be revolving around my Relationship Regroup. When my coach, Alexa, introduced the Relationship Board Meeting to me, it was something that I thought was really cool, and something Danny and I could sit down and do in our relationship and map out what was important to us. When I sat back and looked at her Relationship Board Meeting , there were some really powerful pieces to it, and some things I wanted to include on it. So I was able to adapt her Relationship Board Meeting into what I call my Relationship Regroup.
What is the Relationship Regroup? It’s a free resource for you to use. I have seen it make such a difference in our marriage, and the way that we’re communicating with each other, and showing up for each other, and the way that we’re connecting.
What is the purpose of the Relationship Regroup? This is going to provide you with an open space to talk about the things you prioritize in your relationship and you're going to do that on a regular basis. It's going to allow you to create healthy routine for reflection and connection and also the opportunity to strengthen your relationship. The ultimate goal is to consistently check in with your partner in a way that is going to serve both of you.
What basically does the Regroup look like? Checking in and setting intentions You’re going to create a space where you have no distractions, you’re going to leave everything at the door and allow yourself to really drop into this moment and be present with each other.
The first thing you’re going to start off asking is “How are you feeling right now?” If you’re someone that struggles to answer that question, maybe try using one of these: Green - Energized, present, creative Yellow - Tired, neutral, cautious Red - Exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated The next question you’re going to ask is “What is your intention for today’s regroup?”
Then you're going to move into the recap section. You're going to take a moment to review the last week. Some questions you can ask for this part are: How did you feel loved by me last week? What did we succeed at last week? What can we focus to do better this week?
Then you will move into the gratitude piece. Gratitude is one of the most effective tools for creating more love and intention in your life. Take the time to show gratitude now. Face each other, look each other in the eyes and share these four things: Show love for: Yourself Your partner Your current relationship Your future relationship
Your Weekly Overview You're going to go through: Commitments Her (or your) cycle Your relationship things Weather
Your foundation or the four pillars of your relationship: Intimacy -Scheduling these things give you something to look forward to during your week Finances - If needed, schedule a money night for this week to discuss these. Social - What friends do we want to connect with? Which family members need our attention? What kids activities are there this week? Home - How can we improve our morning/night routine? When can we meditate? Which household things need to get done?
I can't wait to hear everyone's feedback on this amazing tool! Tell me what your favorite parts are, or what parts you think need tooling around a bit.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
95. Strengthening Connection with Love Languages
13 Dec 2021
00:24:55
This episode is inspired by someone who reached out to me on social media. We’re talking about something I can’t believe I haven’t already done an episode on, the 5 love languages. Love languages are basically how you want to receive love from your partner, and also how you give love. If all you want is to be held, or be cuddling, or a back rub, maybe your love language is physical touch. If your partner is constantly gift giving, it might not feel as meaningful because that’s not how you’re designed to be loved, or how you feel the most loved.
The average person in the world is only having sex 4-6 times a month, you don’t want to only feel loved 4-6 times a month. You want to feel all of the time, most of the time. Taking the love language quiz with your partner can really strengthen your connection and create a more powerful experience in your relationship.
What are the 5 love languages? Words of Affirmation - Verbal acknowledgements of affection. Examples : lots of ‘I love you”s and compliments words of appreciation, and verbal encouragement. They love to get texts throughout the day, especially when it comes out of nowhere.
Quality Time - Feel most loved and adored when their partner wants to spend time with them. Examples: active listening, eye contact, undivided attention, no distractions, and 100% quality time.
Acts of Service - Value your partner when they make your life easier. Examples: bringing soup when you’re sick, making a cup of coffee in the morning, picking up the dry cleaning, especially if they have a busy day, picking up around the house, making sure the kids are taken care of, and taking care of dinner. For people who believe that actions speak louder than words.
Gifts - You feel love when people give to you. This is a visual symbol of love. It’s not about the monetary value, it is about the symbolic thought behind the gift.
Physical Touch - Feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection. Examples: Kissing, hand holding, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Can be traced back to childhood, some people only felt deep love and affection from their parents when they were held, kissed, or touched.
In general people are going to have one of these be their priority, although, most people will have and feel love a little bit from each of the 5 categories. Often times if our partners don’t know our love language, or are doing something that doesn’t necessarily align with our love language it’s just not as effective. So, for couples that are really trying to establish more intimacy in their lives, really knowing the love language and loving based on that is really a game changer.
Gift Ideas For a words of affirmations person - Create something, like a poster, that has all the words of affirmation from their favorite book, movie, or podcast. For a quality time person - Plan a staycation with them. This doesn't have to be an extravagant thing, get some take out, play a game. For a physical touch person - Get them a personalized blanket or pillow, something that when you are engaging in the physical touch, you can wrap up in it. For a gifts person - Customized gifts, customize anything. For an acts of service person - A meal prep plan, or maybe even get them an oil change
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
94. Taking Your Marriage From Checked Out to Checked In with Steve & Shannon Hamaker
06 Dec 2021
00:57:11
This week I’m having Steve and Shannon Hamaker on to share their experience as a married couple of 16 years with healing and working through depression.
What were the conversations around sex that the two of you had growing up? Even though Shannon grew up Irish-Catholic, she always knew she could go to her parents with questions, but didn’t always know the questions to ask. In California she had a very comprehensive sex education course, but when she moved to Tennessee, that changed drastically. Steve’s parents did the best with the knowledge that they had, but mostly they just didn’t talk about sex. He grew up in a small protestant farming town in Kansas, that was very set up around religion. If you’ve seen Footloose, it’s basically that. We talked more about sex in his high school youth group than he did in his own home. And a lot of that talk was centered around God, and waiting until you’re married, because of that Steve felt a lot of unintentional shame around sex.
How did the depression really start with Steve? Shortly after having their first son, there was this shift in Steve and how he was showing up, he shut down because he was in emotional overload. When he had to show up as a father and a husband, it was too overwhelming and he could not shake the feeling he had of not having a lust for life. The relationship as they knew it was maybe not over, but definitely in survival mode. They knew there was love and connection for each other deep down, they just didn’t know where it was.
How did Shannon react? She started really working on herself. If she can’t make him do things, what can she do to be the best person she can be? If he follows, great, but if not their kids are going to have at least one healthy parent. She also started using her work as a distraction, "gotta go to a training!" Just anything to get out of the house. She realized she couldn't be the person that was doing all of it for Steve. And Steve knew it was his shit and he needed to do it on his own. "You can't be the everything for your spouse, you just can't" You have to take ownership of your own shit, because no one else can do the work for you.
What were the turning points? Shannon started to mourn what she thought was, and she had to shift her perspective to figure out where she was going. She decided that she needed to figure some stuff out and give Steve space and figure himself out, and take the burden of having to worry about her off of him. Which really allowed Steve the permission to find himself. She told him it would suck if they weren't together, but she would be okay, she just wanted him to try to do the work first.
What are the things you did that helped the most? Finding a community, and finding like minded people, reading, and researching, an online program, went on a retreat, found the right therapist, got together with each other for frequent check-ins, quit drinking, got into ultra running. "If you seek the right people, they will open doors for you that you didn't even know existed"
After doing all this work, how would Steve describe their marriage as a whole? It's opened up a sense of trust. It's okay to feel physically good, to orgasm, or to even want to sexually explore. He can physically feel sex, and isn't stuck in his head. He can look Shannon in the eye while being intimate and see into her.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
93. Sex & Aging with Renee Flores
29 Nov 2021
00:24:22
Today I’m super excited to have Dr. Renee Flores here! Renee is an AASECT certified doctor working primarily with older adults. She’s helping open the door and normalizing that it’s okay to have sex no matter what age we are. And making sure everyone knows that there are definitely people and things to do to make sure that that can still happen for you. Older adults come to her for many reasons, some are there to figure out how to navigate a new partner, or how to have sex in places like retirement homes. Sometimes they’re afraid of the pain after not having had sex in a long time.
What does she tell people worried about the pain? Moisturize, stretch, and lubricate. Moisturizing - “Is for me” to help the lubrication and normal biome of the body. You should moisturize 2-3 times a week. Lubricating - for when you want extra wetness, for things like foreplay or when you’re going to be involving something being inserted. Stretching - stretching can be the moisturizing taking care of the inside of the vagina, and can help with maintenance with the vaginal wall. Stretching will help prepare you for a more pleasurable experience if you haven't had intercourse in a while. You can use a high quality pelvic wand or a dilator set for this.
What are common things people see Renee for? Relationship discrepancy is huge. She sees both sides of the spectrum, women who come in and wants to have more sex but unfortunately her partner is having erectile dysfunction. In most of those cases they are not treatable without surgery so she works with them on reaching new means of intimacy and connecting with a partner. The other side of the spectrum is women who come in and don’t want to have sex, and how she’s able to open up that communication with a partner who does want and is able to have sex. The most important thing in relationships and especially in older adults is having that communication, because things are changing and things have changed. Trying to establish new norms can be so hard for older adults because they are grieving the lack of having the younger sex that they remember.
Are there ever times where you have to have these conversations with patients and their adult children? Only once has she had a son join his father in the appointment and that was because of a language barrier. Even though he was very uncomfortable with the conversation around his parent having sex, she was still able to figure out how to help the patient. Often times though, she has other patients come in and say that their children don’t want them to have sex at all or that they have to keep their relationships hidden.
Do you have any opinion on if there’s a certain age that sex should stop for somebody? Absolutely not. Sex is so important even if you’re in a palliative condition or even at the end of life. She's had older adults that have been in hospice ask about how to have sex at the end of their life. Even on a deathbed people still want to have sex, and she definitely strongly encourages it. Intimacy also doesn’t just have to be sex. There’s so much of a connection just with hand holding or laying next to each other. The simple caress of a hand or hugging and embracing releases so many endorphins that can show similar benefits to actual orgams or sex itself.
Connect with Renee! Email: Renee.j.Flores@uth.tmc.edu Recommended Resource: https://www.aasect.org/
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
92. Exploring Non-Monogamy with Erin Kaley
22 Nov 2021
00:34:40
We’re talking about exploring all things non-monogamous with Erin Kaley. Erin is a sex, love and PLAY coach who helps women SPICE UP their sex lives, explore fantasies, threesomes, and more with their partner. If you don’t know, monogamy basically means that you’re committing to one person in the timeframe that you’re committing to that person. I’m having Erin on to educate us on exactly what non-monogamous relationships can look like and how to figure out if they’re the right thing for you and your relationship.
How did Erin get started in non-monogamy? About three months into her relationship her and her partner started talking about non-monogamy, it came up by him talking about his friend who had gone to a hotel takeover lifestyle sex party with 1,000 plus people. All she had known of swingers at the time was the 1906’s put your keys in a bowl stereotype. As a self proclaimed nerd in lingerie, she has to know everything about everything. So she knew she had to learn everything she could about this too, it’s just so fascinating. There are so many questions and stereotypes in your head at the beginning, but once you get through those, it’s such a cool diverse community.
How did you know your relationship was at a point where you could withstand a lifestyle like this? One of her biggest mottos is “following curiosity” so honestly she didn’t really think too much into it, and didn’t think her relationship was at risk. When she met her fiance, everything was so easy, she just felt so comfortable talking about everything with him, felt comfortable expressing her sexuality, playing with him, and telling him what she wanted. She went in with a lot of questions, but knew she could trust him, she knew if she felt uncomfortable that he would honor that and not push past that.
When is maybe not a good time to enter into this lifestyle? Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, when you have couples going through or had just gone through some infidelity and then a partner brings up opening up the marriage or becoming a polyamorous couple, it wasn’t coming from a trustworthy place, it was almost coming from a call for help. I feel like that's not the right space to explore non-monogamy. Saying “I want to fix our relationship, so we’re opening up our marriage” Just puts up a lot of red flags for Erin. She believes from a core value that you have to have security in yourself and your relationship before ever exploring something like this, and if you don’t you will very quickly realize that you don’t. With that safety in your foundation, you have that freedom to play, and gives you the trust that you can come back to the safe place that is your relationship.
What resources would you recommend for people who want to explore this lifestyle? The Ethical Slut is my go-to book recommendation. The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable. @remodledlove on Instagram she’s hilarious and gives her own perspective on love, and non-monogamy.
Connect with Erin! IG: @turnonwitherin Website: ErinKaley.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
91. Our Vasectomy Story
15 Nov 2021
00:31:16
This week we’re back for round two with my handsome husband Danny. We wanted to come back and talk about the vasectomy process, as people who don’t already have children. I’ve done some research about other couples who chose to not have children, and have found out the difference between being childless, and childfree. Childless- are people that are wanting and or trying to have children and can’t. Childfree - are people that have chosen the route to not go forward with having children. Even though we fall into the childfree category, we’re not the people who will openly talk badly about people who choose to have kids. We are people who have chosen not to have kids, but we are also kind people.
What fears did Danny have around Vasectomy? His initial thought was just “no”. But then he talked to his father and step father about the process, and they were not fully understanding why we wanted it. So when he had to explain why this is the best option, and why we don’t want kids, it really cleared up his mind. His biggest fear was just getting it done, and the pain, the needle specifically, was embedded in his brain. "Shots are shots, but shots in your nutsack are a whole nother fear."
How did he know that he was going to have to get a shot? Most of what Danny found out was from his consultation and the doctor told him how it was going to go, and what to do to prepare, and exactly what was going to happen.
What was the process beforehand? Danny did have to talk to his primary care doctor for a referral. Then you have to go into the consultation, and the earliest appointment to actually get it done was three months away, but it ended up only being a month wait. Which was great because Danny just wanted to get it done. If this is something that you’re trying to get in and get done in a week, that’s probably not going to happen, there’s definitely a process.
During the consultation, the doctor asked if Danny had kids, but Rachel didn’t have to sign anything? The doctor was surprised when Danny said he didn’t have kids yet, but still wanted a vasectomy, but he absolutely approved and called Danny a hero. On the other side of the spectrum, if I had gone in to get my tubes tied, with the same exact medical background, there’s no way they would have approved it, I would have 1,000% been declined to get my tubes tied.
What is the day of the procedure like? I had to drop off and pick up Danny, but couldn’t come into the building at all, probably because of covid, but definitely would have otherwise. I totally nerded out about the process, and would have loved being there for the whole thing. The Doctor explained it was going to be a shot on both sides one at a time, which numbs the entire testicle. He then cuts a small incision and finds the tube, pulls it out, and then cuts it with a laser, but you can’t feel a single thing besides the initial shot. They send you out with a cup, for a three month post surgery deposit to test after three months to check if there’s still sperm. They tell you tylenol and ice, and that’s it. There was discomfort, it felt like squeezing, not in a nice way, constantly, for about a week. There was still some very slight pain for about a week after that.
Anything else Danny wants to tell anyone who’s thinking about getting a vasectomy? Don’t go in freaking out about the needle being the worst thing. Really, it’s nothing. It’s the slightest uncomfortability. The most important part of all of this is that you’re advocating for
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
198. Understanding the Power of your Subconscious with Kate Shelor
22 Apr 2024
00:37:49
Hey, everyone! Welcome back for another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast. Thanks for sticking around through the ups and downs; life's been a rollercoaster as I open my own sex therapy and education practice here in Michigan. Today, we've got a special guest, Kate Shelor, a hypnotherapist, subconscious reprogramming expert, and a relationship coach, sharing insights on how the subconscious affects our sexual experiences and so much more!
You'll hear:
Kate's personal journey with hypnotherapy
How hypnotherapy works as a tool for accessing deep emotions, not as mind control
The importance of therapy for subconscious associations and recognizing that you're not "broken" but in need of healing
Why it's important to tackle the emotional and physical sides of issues like sexual problems
Practical tips for shifting your mindset from negative to positive, so you can use your subconscious to improve your life
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
90. No Nut November
08 Nov 2021
00:17:23
I’ve heard of no shave November, but then I came across NNN, or No Nut November, and I knew I had to do an episode about it. What is No Nut November? According to urban dictionary, No Nut November, or NNN, is where “For the whole month of November guys won’t jack off because other guys aren’t jacking off. This is a challenge to show true manliness.” There aren’t a whole lot of people really participating in NNN, there’s no trophy, there’s no certificate, no real recognition, the benefits will be more internal. It is more about the internet memes, and funny jokes, it’s just become a running joke since 2011.
I do believe there are some benefits to both sides of this. Abstaining from ejaculation for a period of time, can actually benefit some people, but also not benefit some people. This is not a black and white type of topic, there’s a very long, linear scale on where you might fall on for No Nut November, and we’re going through that in this episode.
A little about No Nut November Rules: No ejaculation is allowed by any means Pornography is allowed Must complete the full month of November
History: NNN involves an antiporn movement inspired by various groups online. The term was first coined by Urban Dictionary in 2011. Certain groups believe that abstaining from masturbation is a way to combat addiction to porn or sex. People in these groups claimed that they were occupying too much time masturbating when they could be spending that time doing more beneficial activities like working out, or learning a new language, or spending time with friends.
Why should someone participate in NNN? Let’s think about this in a scientific way, there are some benefits for people who choose to abstain from ejaculations, there are claims that it can increase your energy level, improve your self confidence, boost mental clarity, increase your testosterone, or increase physical output in the gym. For men that are dealing with erectile dysfunction, sex or masturbation can become really stressful for them and they start to withdraw from their partner. Taking a break from sex or mastuation can tremendously help reduce some of that pressure around performance. Abstaining from sex and masturbtion can also allow couples to find other alternatives to being intimate besides physical contact, and connect on a deeper intimate level. I do believe that abstaining from ejculation for some people can be beneficial. Do I think that you need to do it for a whole month on purpose? No. I think that if you’re feeling that urge, and you want to have sex, you want to have an orgasm, you want to provide yourself or partner with pleasure, you want your partner to provide you with pleasure, I feel strongly that you should act on that as long as you're not harming yourself or anyone else.
Why wouldn’t someone participate in NNN? On the other side of this movement, there are scientific, medically proven things out there that prove that we know ejaculation can have a positive mental and physical benefit to you. It can include stress reduction, boost your heart health, your erectile health, and even help prevent the risk of prostate cancer. Masturbation is not unhealthy, mastubation is healthy. If you’re satisfied with your current routine, and you feel like sex and masturbation are healthy parts of your life, keep on doing it. In closing; I support you masturbating as much, as frequently, as long as you possibly want to as long as it’s not interfering with
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
89. Sex Therapy with Danielle Crotty
01 Nov 2021
00:29:17
Today we’re talking to my friend and fellow sex therapist Danielle Crotty. We went through the sex therapy and sexual education program at U of M together and we’re sharing our experiences with private practice therapy, the reality of sexual health concerns, and the lack of education.
How did Danielle land in this field? She started her undergrad in nursing, but realized quickly that was not for her. She ended up taking a sex and gender course and that was where she really felt like that was something she wanted to do. After about 2 years she got her masters in marriage and family therapy. Then she worked for nonprofit agency for over 5 years working general mental health. After going through the for the UofM program, she ultimately moved to a private practice for sex and relationship therapy in Cincinnati.
What are the Primary things Danielle works on with people in her practice? The practice as a whole sees a variety of people, but she tends to see more couples, traditional and nontraditional, because of her licence in marriage therapy. They also partner with a sexual health practice called HerMD because a lot of women are coming in with sexual health concerns, so we want to make sure we cover the physical side of things as well.
What would the physical side encompass? A lot of women experience pain during intercourse and they don’t recognize that that’s not normal, your body is meant to experience pleasure not pain. They could be experiencing different physical health dysfunctions that not a lot of women are aware of that are causing this pain. Daniele loves being able to provide education and see the spark in women's eyes when they’re given hope and realize they don’t have to live the rest of their lives like this. Our goal as sex therapists, or any doctor specializing in sexual health is to create pleasure.
What does she recommend to someone who’s struggling with desire? There’s a book she recommends called Come as You Are, because we often neglect to recognize the external factors that influence our desire. The book does a great job of explaining external factors or external stressors that are creating a lack of desire for you. It could be something as simple as clothes on the floor or the dogs are barking. Once we know those things, then we know we can do something about them, we can adjust our lifestyle around them or adapt when we’re going to be sexually intimate. A huge component for a lot of women who have a lack of desire is recognizing that it has nothing to do with you, it has so much more to do with everything going on around you.
In your practice and the clients you’re working with, is there anything that you see people do to get quicker or better results in their work? Talk about it. So many people are truly shocked about just how much normalizing the conversation and talking about sex can go a really long way. The biggest thing or the first thing people notice when coming to therapy is this is the first time I’ve talked about this, or told my partner about this. Once you start talking about it, the hesitation goes away, and you’re able to talk about sex more freely.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
88. Breathwork and Sex with Stephanie Boyd
25 Oct 2021
00:28:09
All the way from Cali, today we’re talking to Stephanie Boyd, a breathwork facilitator and pleasure mentor! Breathwork is a powerful way for us to release trapped emotions that have been stuck inside of our bodies. It allows us to literally let the body do whatever it’s meant to do through the power of breath. You can experience many different things through a breathwork session; you can have an orgasm, you can cry, you can laugh, there are so many different releases that can happen.
How did Stephanie get into this kind of work? After her own herpes diagnosis, she started working though her traumas and then advocating for other people who had been diagnosed with herpes. She realized it was time for her to own the kinky freaky side of herself that’s always been there but had been shoved down after her diagnosis. When she was 19, she really loved yoga, and connecting with her body. So once she started her feeling journey, a mentor of hers got certified in breathwork and allowed her to experience it and it became one of her favorite things.
How does breathwork mix with sexuality? Stephanie thought these two things would be so beautiful together, so why not be the one to bring them together. She knows how powerful breathwork can be, and encourages people, when doing it, to feel the sensations that are going to their genital region, to feel the sensations on their body, including the sensual feelings, instead of being in their heads.
How would you walk someone through using breathwork during masturbation? When we’re masturbating and on the verge of an orgasm, we tend to hold our breath and curl our toes instead of unleashing everything and becoming more relaxed. The more we’re breathing into our orgams, the deeper they are. The more you unclench and allow the sensations to move through your body, the longer the orgasms will last. Being constricted is not allowing the nervous system and your orgasms to fully explode through you. Even after your climax, breathing into that sensation, and letting it continuously fill up your body for a few minutes after. Allow yourself to connect inwards after an orgasm, centering yourself on the feeling of the euphoria that the orgasm provides, and bringing yourself back to that feeling throughout the day.
With breathwork and self pleasure, would you recommend people do it every time they self pleasure? It depends on the person, there’s no right or wrong for what feels good for you. You need to allow yourself to in whatever way feels good to connect with yourself. If you want to do it every day, or once a week, it’s whatever feels good for you.
When women start to practice this does it come easy to them or take them a while to get used to it? Because of the shame attached to self pleasure or sex in general, it does tend to take a bit longer for people to get used to it because we’re so disconnected from our bodies.
“If it feels good for you and your body, then by all means whatever feels good for you”
There can be so much pressure on us to achieve orgasm quickly, and we feel like we don’t want to take time away from our partner’s pleasure, but we need to start enjoying this time, and enjoying the foreplay, and the connection with each other. Breathwork will help you slow that down and connect with your body, and connect with your partner. You’re worthy of taking as much time as you need to receive the pleasure or the intimacy that you want. Pleasure isn’t always achieving an orgasm, just connecting with someone else that feels good for you is pleasure
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
87. Birthday Sex!
18 Oct 2021
00:19:14
It’s the best day of the year, my birthday! So obviously we’re talking about birthday sex! Birthday sex is a mood, it’s a vibe, and something so many people look forward to. But I’m here to tell you birthday sex doesn’t just have happen on your birthday, and how to make it happen all year round. There’s a saying I’ve heard before about blowjobs or other fun, fancy things that they're going to go sexually with their partner only happen on the ABC days, which stands for anniversaries, birthdays, or Christmas/coach purses (if you don’t celebrate Christmas). I just feel like there’s so many things you can do throughout the year on non-special days that you can get this birthday sex type vibe into your life.
I want to share how to incorporate this birthday sex like feeling into your everyday life. It really does come down to having that connection with yourself and having that connection with your partner. Being able to communicate with each other and share with each other what those wants and needs are.
3 Minute Game - it’s such a great tool for couples that are looking for a more intentional deeper connection with each other. You’re going into this sexual experience with intentions, you have intentions for how you want it to look, how you want it to feel, and specifically how you want it to feel after it’s over. All you need is 12 minutes total that you can carve out for that very deep connected intimacy with each other. Once you start engaging in these 12 minutes, I’m going to bet that some curiosity starts to happen, pleasure starts to set in, some reactive desire starts to set in, or some sensations start to set in. When you take that time, that 12 minutes and fall into that connection with each other, that 12 minutes tends to last just a little bit longer. You and your partner will be sitting down in a quiet setting, and you start by asking your partner “How would you like me to touch you?” then you’re going to set a timer for 3 minutes and give that touch, give that thing to your partner exactly the way they asked for it, so you’re going to want to use your details here. Then you will ask “How would you like to touch me?” and do the same. Then it’s your partner’s turn to ask the questions. Each partner is asking those same two questions to each other and you’re getting that perspective, that touch that experience, you’re able to share with your partner exactly what it is that you want and need in that moment, and they have the opportunity to do the same.
Here’s what I think happens with birthday sex. It’s obviously somebody’s birthday, so they’re getting all the attention on them. Which is probably why so many people look forward to birthday sex. As humans we like to be taken care of, we like to receive the things that we want, so when it’s your birthday, so often that might be the only opportunity that someone is actually asking you exactly what you want. “How is it that you want to celebrate your birthday, what do you want your birthday sex to look like?“ So when you can incorporate more birthday sex type moments and experiences into your life, you’re getting your needs and wants met on a more regular basis. That doesn’t mean that when actual birthday or anniversary sex happens it’s going to be less exciting, because here’s what else happens, as you start to engage in more sexual encounters, and more deeper connections on a regular basis, your horizons will be expanding, you’re experiencing pleasure on a more frequent level and that is only going to open your mind up to wanting to try new things, to wanting to get that
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
86. Myths of Male Sexuality with Cam Fraser
11 Oct 2021
00:43:42
Today’s episode and guest are about to blow your damn minds. Cam is a Certified Professional Sex Coach, Certified Sexologist, Registered Counselor, and Registered Tantric Yoga Teacher. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.
How did he get into this work? He has always been interested in psychology, counseling and mental health, but also sexuality and human sexual behavior, and spirituality that he blends into his work as well. He always had a desire to go down the clinical therapy route, but the more he studied to pursue that, he realized how talk therapy is amazing, but quite limited. While in university in America he experienced so much toxic masculinity that really impacted his sexual life in various ways. It was just not a great space to be in with sexual or mental health. He seriously injured his back, and was introduced to clinical pilates and yoga, and through yoga to meditation and breathwork, and many more modalities. He was not only healing his body through yoga and meditation, but also starting to process things he hadn’t processed before. It helped unpack all these expectations and assumptions he had about what it means to be a man and what it means to be a sexual man in particular.
Why is he doing his work the way he’s doing it? He came to this work through desperation, he was at rock bottom and sought change. But, another way we can come about change is through inspiration. He wants to minimize the amount of people coming about change through desperation. Instead, he tries to educate and encourage people through inspiration and saying “look at what’s possible”. There's a lot of narratives about what you shouldn't do, but there’s not a lot of stories about what you can do. Especially with toxic masculinity, there’s a lot of portrayals of really unhealthy representations of masculinity, with his work he wants to offer another expression of masculinity.
What do you do if your partner is resistant to doing this work? Do not become a coach or therapist for your partner. Share the work of someone that really resonates with you personally. Prompt him, ask “what do you think about this?” Listen to a podcast together Watch a documentary, Take the serious out of it. Keep it pleasure oriented and positively framed. “I’m really interested in exploring more pleasure with you.” “The sex we’re having is fine, it’s great, but I’d really like to explore some more.” “I’m really interested in trying this with you, I think we would have a really good time”
How does he combine talk therapy with the more physical therapy practices? There’s a lot of value in deconstructing the narratives, the stories, and the expectations we have of masculinity and busting those myths. “Anxiety in the mind manifests as tension in the body.” So the things you can do to tap into your body and release tension are so important.
What is he dying to share or are there any final takeaways Curiosity is the cornerstone of a lot of the work he does. It’s important to foster and cultivate your curiosity, and with that comes playfulness and lightheartedness. Our sex life and our sexuality changes, and if we’re not curious, we can get stuck in a rut or doing things the same way. If we don’t explore and expand upon our experiences your sex life can become dull and boring. Curiosity is truly the cornerstone of a healthy sex life.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
85. Discovering Your Wants, Wills & Wont's
04 Oct 2021
00:22:41
In this episode we’re diving into my most recent masterclass, and one of my most favorite tools for relationships, my Want, Will, Won’t List. This list will capture and dive a deeper into exactly what you want your sex life to look like and give you the power to create the sex life that you crave. If you’re looking to try something new, or get a deeper understanding of your and your partner’s desires, this tool and this masterclass is definitely something you want to grab. If you’re single, this allows you to know what lights you up, if a potential partner doesn't like that at all, maybe that's not the person for you. It can help you have some mind blowing sex right away with the people that you do want to connect on a more deeper level with.
What is the Want, Will Won’t list? In a nutshell, this exercise has all these different activities that you can do sexually, either with yourself or with your partner. On one side of the list it has you as the receiver and on the other side is you as the giver, you will go through and mark either the want, will, or won’t box for each activity.
How to decide if it’s a Want, a Will, or a Won’t Want- these are the full body, hell yes, give me that, I want that all the time, I can’t imagine my life without that thing in it. Will- These are the things that you’re like; okay, if this is something that my partner wants, this is something that they’re going to get pleasure from, I’m willing to do this. Won’ts - these are a total no, or a hard limit. It can bring up stress or anxiety, if you feel shame or embarrassment about doing that activity, if it just feels really heavy, or you just get this icky type of feeling about it.
Where should I start? You’re going to start with the full body hell yeses. You also want to start on the receiver side of the sheet, it's easier to put yourself in the mindset of being the receiver of this type of pleasure. Some things to ask yourself while doing this, “Would I feel sexually fulfilled if this activity weren’t in my life?” “Am l comfortable asking for this activity?” “Does it stir up excitement?” “Does it make me want to lean in, or lean away?”
What to do after we’ve filled out the list? On the last page I’ve left space for you to fill in your top 10 wants in order of excitement. Having access to yours and your partners top 10 activities allows you to create amazing, epic date nights with each other. Create a safe word for the bedroom. Now that you and your partner have created this manifest, you might start trying some new things, so making sure you have this safe word created can be so important. Don’t think that just because you filled this out once, that's it. Sexuality is so fluid, our interests and desires, our wants and needs constantly changing. I would suggest you do this once or twice a year, it might be so eye opening to see what changes.
The amazing thing about this list is, after you go through, and you and your partner fill out these things, you have created your maifest of your sexuality. Here is the guide to all of my pleasures and all the things I want and seek in the bedroom. Being able to give your partner the things that they want sexually can be such a game changer. Being willing to participate in a partner's wants, is one of the sexiest gifts you can give somebody. So, what are you waiting for?
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
84. When Sex & Spirituality Meet with Serena Rose
27 Sep 2021
00:37:35
This week I’m talking all things healing and spirituality with Serena Rose, the Spiritual Sex Coach. Who’s here to show other people what is possible, by showing up as loving, authentic, and vulnerable as she can in any given moment, or in honor of what that looks like. What led her to this work? As a child, she experienced a variety of unique experiences from trauma-based to spiritual occurrences that guided her to where she is now. She helps people embrace their kinky side, while healing their relationships with authenticity and deeper sexual awareness. As a teenager she started studying self development and self growth and really started working on herself, so it unraveled from there. “The deeper and deeper I got into this work and myself, and my abilities, and challenges and all of it, I realized how connected everything is. My sexuality, my spirituality, all the experiences that led me to the point that I am right here and right now in this present moment.”
What does it mean to see spiritual beings? We all have these abilities, it's one of our senses, we just don’t always tap into them, or even believe in them. There’s a lot of spiritual beings that we can see if we allow ourselves to, we’re surrounded by spirit guides all the time. Spirit is around us and in everything, it doesn’t have to take shape that we can logically see or understand. It’s so much about believing that this work that you’re doing is going to work in the healing process and to take you to that next level self.
What are some practices for someone who is wanting to tap into their spiritual side? Awareness is the key to absolutely everything, bringing awareness to what is going on in and around you is step one. You can pray, and speak to your higher self, your spirit guides, your angels, your protectors, your ancestors, whatever you feel called to, and ask for guidance, direction, and just be curious. There’s an audio book that really helps to understand the nuances of energy and spirituality called Energetic Boundaries by Cyndi Dale.
Where does sex play a part in this healing process or a connection with the spiritual side?There’s likely some role or some playing that could be done in the bedroom that would be fitting for each person. There is spirit and energy moving through you, and transmuting and healing, and it feels so good because there’s also pleasure involved. Bringing awareness to these intricate parts of yourself and your experiences and learn how to move with them and move the energy.
What resources would you recommend to start getting someone into a kink mindset, and helping them figure out what sort of kink to get into that can help serve them in a healing way? BDSM Kink Test - Not only do you go through it and discover some kink symbols that you might relate to but there’s also short, easy to understand descriptions. Alexa Martinez's That Sex Chick Podcast, The ABC’s of Kink with Bryn Daylor - Personal relatable stories, go into the most common kinks, but also kinks that are a bit more taboo. Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot, PhD Which goes into the shadow play of kinks.
2021 has brought a lot of openness to us all because of what we’re experiencing collectively, so what a time to dive in and do this work, and to have the time and space to do so. There’s not one person listening that doesn’t feel like they have something to heal at this point in their life. It doesn’t always have to be a sexual thing that you’re trying to heal, but we all know the power behind healing sexuality.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
83. Our Decision to Not Have Children
20 Sep 2021
00:41:24
This week we’re being raw and real with my husband Danny about why even though we would be bomb ass parents for sure, it’s just not in the cards for us. We have so much respect for parents, to put someone else’s need before your own can take a lot of courage. But neither of us really felt the desire, want or even need to have our own children. We love kids, but we also love being able to give them back to their own parents.
In a lot of cases, people’s upbringing and childhood can play a huge part in their decision to want or not want to have kids. Both Danny and I come from divorced parents, step parents, and much younger step siblings. Danny was raised with and was and still is very close to his younger sister. While I was raised an only child, and had a very hard time not being able to see my younger half sister Morgan consistently when Morgan was growing up. Thankfully, I’m so much closer with my sister now thanks to her moving in last year when she needed a new start and a place to stay.
How did we feel about kids through our lives before making the decision not to have kids? I always envisioned having children, mostly sports related things like; “Man it would be so cool to watch my kid playing sports”. Yeah, I could want to have children for all those kinds of reasons, but at the end of the day it’s the child's life, I wouldn’t want to be the parent that’s living vicariously through them. Danny has always been a heavy proponent to not having kids, so when we got together, the conversation around kids was always “Well, maybe. Maybe one day”.
What options did we explore once we decided not to have kids? There’s a few different ways to go, a vasectomy, getting my tubes tied, staying on birth control, or using condoms for the rest of our life. I asked if Danny changed his mind would I give into having kids, or if I changed her mind would Danny give into having kids? If one of us very strongly wanted to have kids, we would, because we love each other. So with me not being able to be on birth control any longer, the best option for us was a vasectomy and freezing sperm as a just in case backup plan. We go in depth about Danny’s experience with his appointments for freezing sperm in this episode, but we’ll do another one on the vasectomy because that deserves an episode on it’s own.
We're talking about this just to normalize the choice to not have kids. With our generation and the way the world is right now, the amount of people choosing to not have kids is increasing.
At the end of the day, we live an amazing life together. We love the life we’re living right now, and the life we’re continuing to build together.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
82. Sensate Focus 101
13 Sep 2021
00:28:48
Today we’re talking about Sensate Focus, one of my favorite goto things, and something I would often use in my therapy practice.
What is Sensate Focus and where did it come from? It was developed by Masters and Johnson as a way to help couples learn more about themselves and each other and move towards a more intimate relationship. The aim is to build trust and intimacy within your relationship, helping you both give and receive pleasure.
How long will Sensate Focus take? It's not a race to an end, it’s a continuous reinforcement and it can help to overcome negative reactions to intimacy. You don’t want to rush through it, it can take months to get through the first two phases. Only move onto the different phases of Sensate Focus when you’re both ready.
Some ground rules to get started: Choose a time and place that is acceptable for both of you. Choose music, lighting, and aromas that are suitable. Turn off your phone, tv, gadgets, and other distractions. And lock the door.
There are three phases to Sensate Focus and one pre-phase. Pre-phase: Non-genital sensate focus clothed (Start here if you have previous trauma, or are someone who doesn’t enjoy physical touch.) Phase 1: Non-genital sensate focus unclothed (non sexual touching) Phase 2: Genital sensate focus (sexual touching but no penetration) Phase 3: Penetrative sensate focus (sexual touching with penetration)
Non-genital sensate focus This phase focuses on touch, sensuality and mutual exploration free from any concern that it’s going to lead to sex. When in phase one, both partners know that sex and orgasm are off the table. Before the session starts you want to decide who is going to go first, and then you'll take turns. First, concentrate on touching the parts of the body that are normally visible. When you’re ready start to include the back, neck, and butt. Finally, bring in the chest, stomach, shoulders, thighs, but avoid breasts, top of legs and the groin area. It's okay to stay in phase one for however long you and your partner decide you want to.
Genital sensate Focus The main focus of this phase is to increase each person’s pleasure and awareness of each other's response from different types of stimulation. During this phase you might want to incorporate some lubricant or some bedroom accessories. Penetration is not permitted in this phase. If orgasam happens, it happens, but the point here is to focus on the pleasure, and how your partner responds to positive stimulation. First, incorporate touching of the breasts and nipples. Next, include the area around the genitals. Then, introduce the touching of the genitals. After a while you may also want to incorporate some oral as well as kissing, licking, and sucking.
Penetrative Sensate Focus You’ve spent the time on the nongenital and genital phases of sensate focus so that you can now begin to include the penetration with your finger, toys, and or the penis. You still want to incorporate and pay attention to the parts of the body that we explored in the previous phases. While orgasm and intercouse is permitted in this phase, it is still not the goal. First, incorporate different forms of gentle penetration. Start with little thrusting, enjoy the sensation of containment, and feeling the fullness inside. Try first with one person on top, and then switch. Later you can incorporate more of the thrusting but with the person being penetrated in full control. The aim of this phase and sensate focus as a whole is to focus on
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
81. What is Sexual Confidence
06 Sep 2021
00:28:55
Feeling inspired by my interview with @my_wonderwoman on Instagram, I thought it was about time I made a whole episode about sexual confidence. So this week I’m talking about what it is, how to get it, what can affect it, and how to change those things.
What is sexual confidence? When it comes to sexual confidence, just as everybody’s journey looks different; sexual confidence is going to mean something different for every person. Sexual confidence for one person may not be the same for other people around them. When you’re feeling like you’re doing something really good, the last thing you want to go and do is compare yourself to someone else. Celebrate where YOU’RE at right now.
Sexual confidence is a FUCKING MOOD, it is a VIBE, it is the way that YOU carry YOURSELF throughout life.
What can you do to develop more sexual confidence in your life? Master your own body, know what makes you tick and what turns you on or off. Get comfortable speaking freely about your deep desires, wants, and needs and lay out the direction manual to your pleasure for your partner. Tap into your emotions, peel back the layers and figure out where an emotion is coming from, what belief is it tied to, and what is triggering you to think or feel a certain way. Validate your partner to do the same thing, your relationship is only going to flourish if both of you are confident in and out of the bedroom.
What can affect your sexual confidence? Your first experience learning about sex, or things around sex like masturbation can play a huge role in your adult life when it comes to sexuality. How did your parents react when seeing something sex related on TV? How were or are the people around you talking about it on social media? Religion can play a huge part in your level of sexual confidence. Previous relationships. Trauma. How you feel and how you talk to yourself.
How can I change how these things affect me? Journal your beliefs and feeling around sexuality and masturbation (self pleasure) Start with these prompts, get as specific as you can, and go into as much detail as you can remember. What do you remember about the time when you first learned about sex? What do you remember about the time when you first learned about masturbation? Dissect what you’ve written and think about your current sexual confidence, and your current beliefs about sex and sexuality and pin point where those likely came from in your past. Change the script for yourself, catch your negative language about yourself. Decide that you are someone who wants to have more sexual confidence and someone who wants to be deemed and seen as somebody who is sexually confident.
At the end of the day it’s about how you fucking feel. If you feel that you are a sexually confident person, that's all that fucking matters.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
197. Why Men Need Man Friends with Jordan Bowditch
04 Mar 2024
00:36:00
Hello, everyone! Welcome back for another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast! I'm so, so excited to have Jordan Bowditch on the show today. You've heard me talk about Jordan and his wife Lex from Sex & Love Co on the podcast so many times, so I'm pumped that he's here to share his knowledge on the importance of men having male friendships.
You'll hear:
Jordan's personal journey with male friendships
What the difference between toxic and healthy masculinity is
How to cultivate your circle of friends
What it looks like inside a container of healthy like-minded male friends
How having these male friendships can help your romantic relationship
Just how important having male friends is
Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode! See you next week!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
80. The Ins & Outs of My Vagina with Author, Karin Freeland
30 Aug 2021
00:34:52
This week I’m talking to Karin Freeland, an author, certified sex coach, wife, and mom of two kids about her upcoming book, The Ins & Outs of My Vagina A Penetrating Memoir. We’re talking honestly about her experiences, tools and techniques to help women find purpose in their lives, how everyone has different experiences with orgasms and we shouldn’t be comparing our sexual journey to someone else’s, and so much more.
What made Karin write this book, and why now? After her husband came home to see the aftermath of a failed attempt at a tip recommended by her OBGYN during her first pregnancy that involved a lot of olive oil and a very messy bathroom, he said “Karin, you know what you should do?” You should write a book and call it ‘I don’t know my vagina’ because you clearly have no idea how this works, and maybe you can help other women.” So she did, with a title change of course. She started writing in 2009, but went back to work, and and forgot about it, life became about the grind, making money, and powerpoints. But then in 2019, she had her midlife crisis, and really felt she was wasting her life and something had to change. She had an epiphany one day, and knew what she had to do. She had to finish her book. So she hired an editor, and it took on a life of its own and it became its own thing.
The world is beginning to change when it comes to sexuality, specifically women’s sexuality, so many women are wanting information, but sometimes it can still be seen as so taboo! Women want to know what’s in the book, but they don’t want people knowing they want it. How can we start making sex and our bodies less of a taboo subject? Get comfortable talking about it so then it’s like “oh, so I’m not alone” “oh, you’re actually having an orgasm because you’re on top and you’re grinding and that’s actually clitoral stimulation” It makes so much sense! Be more curious to ask for more information, ask your best friend how is she having an orgasm every time during sex. Communicate with our partners what we need to orgasm. No more “okay then, I guess we’re gonna clean up and call it a night” without your orgasm too.
Only 20% of women will achieve an orgasm through penetration. And over 85% need clitoral stimulation. “Sex became so much more fun for me and my partner because there was a chance that I would actually be able to enjoy myself too.” In order to avoid resentments and frustrations trickling into our relationships we need to get comfortable figuring out how to make each sexual experience the best for both partners.
How will not comparing your sexual journey to other people’s benefit you? It’s just so freeing, as soon as you go “Oh i don’t need that big house, that’s not part of my goals.” “I don’t need to have an orgasm six times a week, I’m okay with once”. What does happy look like for you, what does a hot sex life look like for you, and you alone? Because it really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing you’re not experiencing that anyway, so just focus on you.
Why will people want to read this book? There’s a lot of insights, there are some learnings, but it’s definitely not the self help textbook style, it is a straight memoir and there are just a lot of comedic places, even in the dark times. It’s an easy read. It’ll have you thinking; “Yes, I’ve been there!” or “I've gone through this myself!” That’s what people are going to connect to. It’s going to make people feel normal and seen. You can find the book at TheInsandOutsOfMyVagina.com, Barnes and Nobles online or on Amazon.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
79. How to Make Female Friends with Jordan D'Nelle
23 Aug 2021
00:28:20
** I apologize ahead of time for the sound issues in this episode. Today we’re talking about female friends and how to make them!
As adults we don’t always have the most opportunities to make new friends, Jordan D’Nelle, the mastermind of making new friends, is here to share her tips on how to make and get the most out of your friendships.
We all know social media is great. It’s truly a godsend to making new friends, and is definitely the easiest way to get started. When you build up social media connections though DMs you’ll find it not as uncomfortable when you actually meet.
Tips for finding friends with similar interests:
Talk to people at your job
Ask friends connect you with their friends
Join facebook groups
Try new things
Join meetups on the Meetup app
Or create your own meetup or group if you’re looking for something in particular
Once you’ve met someone you’d like to start a friendship what should your next move be?
Say “Hey, would you like to do something?” and plan your next event or next time you’ll get together. Also keep her in mind for the next time you’re looking for something to do. Think “why don’t I hit her up?” so you can nourish that friendship to help it flourish and see where it goes.
It can so different making connections when it comes to your personal life than business.
We can flip the switch when it comes to business, when it’s for money, but when it’s our personal life we are unable to flip that switch.
And it all comes down to hyping yourself up, and learning how to turn that on in your personal life as well, figuring out how you can be friendship confident.
Have a friendship checklist, Get clear on the type of friend that you want, and what are you looking for in a friend. Are you looking for a friend to party with, a friend to travel with, someone who challenges the way you think, or just someone to have fun with. It’s like dating, you have to be clear on what you want to cultivate that. It’s also okay for your relationships to look different, to have different types of friends with different types of vibes.
Part of being a sexual being, and having a successful relationship with a partner is having a relationship with yourself and other people. It all ties together.
Connect with Jordan on IG & Facebook @Jordandnelle Podcast: Vaginas, Vulvas, and Vibrators
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
78. How to Dirty Talk!
16 Aug 2021
00:22:33
In this episode I talk about why and how to get the most out of your dirty talk.
We started with the stars, then MapQuest, then Google Maps and now we have WAZE! Although dirty talk isn’t new, I think we need to make it the next best thing. Instead of “avoid this route” we’ll say “avoid touching here” and instead of “preferred route ahead” it’ll be “touch me here instead”
Directions are the BEST when it comes to dirty talk- the more specific the better!
Figure out what it is that turns you on and communicate to your partner how they can provide you with pleasure.
Dirty talk helps to lessen the orgasm gap.
You should be having an orgasm during every sexual encounter. One of the best ways to help (besides dirty talk) is switching it up, and keeping things fresh.
"If you don't tell your partner what you need, the sex will stay the same." - Sex with Emily Podcast
Tips:
Practice solo and get in tune with your own body
Praise your partner's body (and your own body!) start with “I love your…” or “when you do that I…”
Express your desires like “I love it when…”
Use the language that feels best for you.
Confidence is a huge piece of dirty talk!
Practice vocalizing solo, get comfortable with it.
Awkward is okay, own it and have fun!
It’s okay if you’re finding it hard to start, but here some starters to help:
It turns me on when...
I like to watch when you...
It feels so good when...
I can't stop thinking about you when...
You're so good at...
(Any others I said during episode)
And remember to stay sexy, stay confident, and go get your dirty talk on!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
77. Why This Work Is Important with @sexwithbaddies
09 Aug 2021
00:29:44
Today we’re talking about being a sexual baddie!
I have Coach Baddie, Celine Manning, on the show today to talk about how to live your fullest truth. Take risks, be daring, and be kind. It's easy to give up on this work.. so why is it important to keep going? Listen to find out!
As coaches we are inspiring others while inspiring ourselves. This is exactly how Celine got started- she was on her own healing journey and along the way learned this is the work she wants to be doing and is meant to be doing. Coaches get raw and real, they’re able to share their own life experiences and lessons learned and they can pose questions that provide a different way of thinking for the person on the other end.
Learn to talk yourself through depressing moments, because likely, you’ll be the only one there in that moment. Learn to show up for your damn self.
Sexual confidence is doing the steps of working on you and your pleasures and desires. It’s hard to put an end to it because it’s something that needs to continue to be practiced. It’s a feeling you continue trying to feel each day. Keep engaging in SEXploration. You have to create it for yourself! - Celine
Give yourself a massage Go for a walk Look at yourself in the mirror Need a new mantra? Try “EFF IT!”
To wrap this episode up, we remind you to keep exploring and having fun! Stay on track, keep working towards living the life of your dreams
Connect with Celine on IG & TikTok @sexwithbaddies Podcast: The Baddie Blueprint
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
76. Hot Girl Summer with Megan Ulrich Krueger
02 Aug 2021
00:32:34
As we move into the final month of Michigan summer- this episode seemed appropriate! For this week's episode, I am joined with Megan Ulrich Krueger my good friend who's a confidence coach!! Today we're diving into what "Hot Girl Summer" means to us.
What does Hot Girl Summer even mean? First of all, it's a trend. "Having the confidence to believe that you are hot, sexy, beautiful; whatever you want it to mean to you". You going out there this summer, wearing what you want, what makes you feel good, and feeling good in your own skin". "confidence is hot girl summer"!
"Self-love, self-care, whatever that means to you, that is hot girl summer!" -Megan
Hot girl summer means being confident & learning to love and accept your body. It's so much more than just not fat-shaming, it is fat-liberation.
Tips: -Follow people of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds.
-The more we diverse our feeds, the more we start to accept ourselves through that journey, nobody type is 'idealistic'.
-It starts with you and your self-acceptance, make it fun!
-Focus on the pleasurable things!
-You can love your body while you're working on your body!
How can somebody change their mindset around wanting their goal body?
It starts by knowing that everybody has something they wish they could change. "Even if everyone in the world ate the exact same thing and did the exact same workouts we would all still look different because we were all made different!" -Megan
Our bodies have a natural neutral weight they need to obtain! There's no one way to eat. There's no one way to work out.
Embrace the diversity & the different shapes and sizes our bodies come in! Life is too short to be working towards some "goal body"!
"The body you have now is worthy of being loved as is"
Think about how far your body has got you and all that you have accomplished with your body.
Hot girl summer IS a mindset. Remember, weight and health don't equal each other!
Connect with Megan Ulrich Krueger: Instagram: @meganlovesyourface TikTok: @meganlovesyourface
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
75. Tantric Penis Massage with Rachael Z
24 Jul 2021
00:35:48
**please excuse my dogs in the background while recording this episode- apparently, they are just as excited as you to hear about tantric penis massages.
Welcome back to this week's episode of Owning Your Sexual Self; "Tantric Penis Massage with Rachael Z". Rachael Zevecke is a Sex hacker & Female empowerment coach.
What is tantric penis massage? "A tantric sex practice that honors the penis and the person that has them. Tantric practices are all about slowing down and being connected with yourself and your body." *This is something a person can do to themselves or somebody that owns a penis.
How long does this massage usually take? Shoot in the beginning for 10-15 minutes, it doesn't have to be that long.
"Just the slightest of touch can be so intriguing"
What a session looks like... -Set the scene (Dim the lights, get comfortable, Him on his back and you sitting in between his legs) -Start slow (Let him guess when you're going to touch his penis, tease with light touches) -"Tease, deny & ride waves of pleasure"
*If you're going to stimulate the prostate, you can press up on the perineum and if you put pressure there, it is a slight prostate stimulation.*
*By edging a man it teaches him to control his pelvic floor muscles, meaning he is having more control over his orgasms. *Tantric penis massaging helps with stamina
How can you identify when your partner is close to orgasming -really pay attention to what is going on (His breathing will become more rapid, flexing in the abs; this is a sign you need to slow down. -No more than 5 of the same touch
What is a motion? -Stroking up and down with one hand (pressure, closeness, and tightness of your grip) -Use your thumbs a lot, massaging up the shaft of the penis.
*Sexy music in the background & a little bit of dirty talk
Connect with Rachel Zevecke Website: https://mailchi.mp/3a987dd1d41f/master-your-man-sales-page Instagram: @lewd.and.loud
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
74. Spit or Swallow? THAT is the Question
19 Jul 2021
00:37:06
Hellooooo! Welcome back to another SPECIAL ;) Owning Your Sexual Self episode! This week's episode is called "Spit or Swallow? THAT is the question". I know you're all excited so let's get into it...
Let's all think back to our first experience giving a blow job...
*My OnlyFans poll revealed that 100% of my subscribers voted for swallowing rather than spitting*
"Had I got adequate sexual health information and known that there doesn't need to be shame around spitting or swallowing because who the fuck cares it's your life and in your life, you're likely going to have many more sexual encounters after that moment- if people were mature and educated enough to know that it's that person's decision if they want to spit or swallow. No matter what they do it's sexy either way! Right?"
*A male follower responded to my Instagram poll saying swallowing feels more intimate.*
Health benefits? exposure to semen is good for women's health because of the mood-altering chemicals of this body fluid. Researchers say semen can elevate mood, increase affection, and induce sleep.
Semen contains vitamins and antidepressants!!!
Make those men in your life a smoothie ;) (celery, papaya, pineapple, oranges etc)
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
73. Exciters & Blockers
11 Jul 2021
00:24:38
Hi! Welcome back to the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast with your host; Rachel Maine. Today's topic is brought up a lot, exciters & blockers. Exciters and blockers refer to our turn-ons and turn-offs.
Think: What things in your life need to be done in order for you to be turned on? What smells can you associate with pleasure?
*Your brain is the most important sex organ! *Our pleasure is our responsibility
Rate these Inhibitors (Turn offs/blockers) on a scale of 0-4 *0 not at all like me 1 not much like me 2 somewhat like me 3 a lot like me 4 exactly like me*
1. Sometimes I have so many worries that I am unable to get aroused
2. If I think that I am being used sexually it completely turns me off
3. If I am uncertain about how my partner feels for me it is hard to get aroused
4. If I am worried about taking too long to get aroused or orgasm, this can interfere with my arousal.
5. Sometimes I feel so shy or self-conscious during sex that I can't become fully aroused.
What is your score? __/20
Rate these Inhibitors (Turn ons/exciters) on a scale of 0-4 *0 not at all like me 1 not much like me 2 somewhat like me 3 a lot like me 4 exactly like me*
1. Seeing a partner doing something that shows their talents or intelligence or watching them interact well with others can make me very sexually aroused.
2. When I think of someone I find sexually attractive or fantasize about I easily become sexually aroused
3. If it is possible someone might see or hear us having sex it is more difficult to become aroused (Scale: 4 not at all like me 3 not much like me 2 somewhat like me 1 a lot like me 0 exactly like me)
4. If I am very sexually attracted to someone I don't need to be in a relationship with that person to become sexually aroused
5. I think about sex a lot when I am bored
What is your score? __/20
Now you can determine what you are low & high in for exciters and blockers. 0-6- Low breaks 7-13- Medium breaks 14-20- High breaks
*More than half of the people score in the middle for both exciters and blockers.
We often think it's what goes on in-between our legs but it's not! It's about what goes on in our brains!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
72. What it's Like Working With a Sex Coach
06 Jul 2021
00:27:09
Hellooooo and welcome back to episode 72: "What it's Like Working With a Sex Coach"!!! Today I dive into what it is like to work with me; Rachel Maine, as your sex coach! I use my background in sex therapy and sexuality education to provide a sex-positive space for women to ask questions and talk about their sexuality. I show up with authenticity and provide a non-judgmental lens. If you're looking for support and help to improve your sexual relationship then this is the right place for you. I offer individual & group coaching programs designed specifically for women who want to feel more connected to their self and/or partner.
I just want to start off by pointing out that there is so much shame and stigma surrounding the topic of sex but, when you're able to establish that trust, to share your deepest darkest secrets there is so much liberation and power in that!
You are being heard, you will never be judged,
In the first session of you & I working together... You can expect me to ask you questions to help you peel back those layers of experiences that shaped you into the sexual person you are today -Our first meeting is about all of your experiences with sex almost like a "sex timeline"
How do you remember hearing about sex?
When did you first self-pleasure?
What shameful things have you heard about sex?
What things are affecting you in your sexual world today?
Sexual struggles
-My job is to help with issues that had an impact on yourself or the relationship you have with your partner(s) -You can expect me to ask you questions to help you peel back those layers of experiences that shaped you into the sexual person you are today
Remember: You are validated in your emotions "Feel it all" With me as your coach you will also be receiving an education; "Now do you see how that piece from your past affects you today" etc.
We will explore your desire and self-pleasure
We are responsible for our pleasure
When you're able to better understand pleasure and what is pleasureful to you as well as being able to effectively communicate those things to your partner (if you are in a relationship) how will that change the game for you?
Being in a space of vulnerability and letting yourself feel it all is important in any relationship
You can expect that after working with me you can trust the exact things that can be listed as your turn-ons and turn-offs! We will even work on communication skills that are not just for your sexual life! This work will filter and flow through every aspect of your life!
You have to make yourself a priority! Sexual health, mental health, physical health, you need to make all of those a priority! Ultimately we are doing this to get to a better space. I'm here for those who want more in their sexual life!!!!! Let's break down shame together.
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com rachelmaine.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
71. Vaginal Steaming with The Safe Slut
28 Jun 2021
00:26:20
Welcome back to the Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast! This week I am joined with Tricia aka Safe Slut. She is a holistic esthetician, herbalist, reiki practitioner, MUA, writer, and sexual health+slut advocate (I usually just like to say a professional sparkly slut witch hehe✨). Tricia created safe slut after her GHSV2 diagnosis to help end shaming towards those with STIs, promote safer sex practices and sex-positivity, witch tips for healing+reclaiming your power, and also help end stigmas surrounding slut-shaming. She makes healing herbal potions for people with vulvas and STIs as well as offers reiki services
What is vaginal "yoni" steaming? "Vaginal steaming, sometimes shortened to V-steaming, and also known as yoni steaming, is an alternative health treatment where a woman squats or sits over steaming water containing herbs such as mugwort, rosemary, wormwood, and basil. " (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_steaming)
Vaginal steaming supporters believe that absorbing herbal steam through the pores inside your body will enhance blood flow and promote healing. *It's recommended to steam for about 15-20 minutes
Vaginal steaming is said to offer the following benefits:
Detoxify the womb
Regulate monthly bleeding
Treatment for stress
Increase fertility
Relief from menopause symptoms
Decrease fatigue
Treatment for hemorrhoids
Improve energy
Faster healing after childbirth
Decrease headaches
* "In Southeast Asia, 86% of women reported using vaginal steaming for self-care and to help with healing after childbirth. Southern and Central American cultures have also promoted vaginal steaming as a healing remedy after birth to tone the womb and repair damaged tissue." (https://www.goodrx.com/blog/should-i-be-steaming-my-vagina/)
Herbs often used alone or in combination include:
mugwort
wormwood
chamomile
calendula
basil
oregano
How to yoni steam:
Add about a cup of your chosen herbs to a basin of hot water.
Let the herbs steep for at least a minute.
Remove your clothes from the waist down.
Stand or squat directly over the basin. Some people prefer to place the basin in the toilet and then sit on the toilet.
Wrap a towel around your waist and legs to prevent the steam from escaping.
Risks:
Possibility of burning
Not safe If you have an IUD (can stimulate circulation and move things around)
Not safe if you just had a miscarriage
Not safe if you are trying to get pregnant
Should not try if you are pregnant
Not safe when you are spotting/bleeding
Not safe if you have a UTI or any kind of infection
*You can also try the herbs in a bath
Connect with Tricia "Safe Slut" Instagram: @safe.slut Website: https://www.safeslut.shop/
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
196. Where to Start with Impact Play
26 Feb 2024
00:28:55
I'm back solo with another episode of the Owning Your Sexual Self podcast! I'm excited to give you all a little beginners guide on impact play! I'm hoping this episode will be a great resource for you, and gives you more confidence in starting impact play for yourself!
You'll hear:
What impact play is
How important safety and communication is
What engaging in impact play can bring to the bedroom
Some must do's before you start
The different tools you can use for impact play
Check out this episode on YouTube to get more of a visual idea of these toys! Thank you so much for listening! Don't forget to share on your social media and tag me if you loved this episode! See you next week!
Resources Storefront - Use code ZB7ZZ2B for 15% off your order!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
70. Pain with Sex is Common- Not Normal with Dr. Amelia Ponchur
21 Jun 2021
00:29:53
Welcome back to another Owning Your Sexual Self Podcast. This week I am joined with Dr. Amelia Ponchur to talk about the common issue of pain with sex.
Dr. Amelia Ponchur is a Doctor of Physical Therapy specializing in pelvic health physical therapy at Genesis PT & Wellness in Dallas, TX. She utilizes her orthopedic and sports background to look at take a “whole person” approach when treating her patients, whose complaints range from low back pain, tailbone or pubic pain, to incontinence, painful intercourse, and preparing for childbirth. Sexual wellness is a huge component of her care and she is excited to chat about how the two are so interrelated!
*Sexual trauma can make sex painful whether we realize we've experienced it or not.
*Every patient who experiences painful sex is different based on what is going on in their body.
Factors that contribute to painful sex: -How you're breathing -How are your hips moving? (body motion) -Is your pelvic floor response to be tight?
Next Steps... -Finding your awareness of the pelvic floor -How can we strengthen or relax your pelvic floor?
Are you experiencing a feeling of dryness/rawness? Could this be an Estrogen issue? Are you feeling pain with penetration, your pelvic floor may be too tense. Is it pain with deeper penetration (sandpaper, burning sensation) there may be knots in the muscles that need to be worked out or positional problems.
Pain can be based on how you're breathing and the default rotation of your hips
"Vaginismus is the body's automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Whenever penetration is attempted, your vaginal muscles tighten up on their own. You have no control over it. Occasionally, you can get vaginismus even if you have previously enjoyed painless penetrative sex." (https://www.nhs.uk)
A tool for people who experience pain from the deepest penetration of their partner OhNut "Designed with renowned clinicians, Ohnut is a soft compressible buffer made from 4 rings, that can be used together or individually to adjust when penetration feels too deep, without sacrificing sensation for you or your partner" (https://ohnut.co/)
Instagram: @genesisptwellness Dr. Amelia's Instagram: @dr.amelia_dpt
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
69. All About 69
14 Jun 2021
00:21:04
Welcome back to a very special episode...episode 69!!! Today I'm answering all your questions about 69-ing.
What is 69-ing? A general way of explaining it is; your mouth to their genitals and their mouth to your genitals at the same time.
How to initiate trying this position: "I would like to return the favor at the same time"
Using a blindfold: Taking away sight and heightening all your other senses. Close your eyes, whatever feels natural. Remember sex is awkward!
Positions for 69: Side to side: allows for more flexibility Female on top Male on top
*Use a codeword!*
Toys: You can still use toys when you 69!
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf Facebook: Rachel Maine Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com
68. My Menstrual Cup Review!
03 Jun 2021
00:30:26
Helloooo and welcome back to today's episode "My Menstrual Cup Review!" I'm here to tell you all the things about menstrual cups and explain my personal experiences with my menstrual cup!
First, what is a menstrual cup?!
"A menstrual cup is a type of reusable feminine hygiene product. It’s a small, flexible funnel-shaped cup made of rubber or silicone that you insert into your vagina to catch and collect period fluid." Menstrual cups are a great alternative to tampons! (Holds more blood & can be worn for up to 12 hours)
Second, to figure out the right menstrual cup size for you, you should consider:
Insertion: Step 1: Option 1: First get a pump of water-based lubricant on your finger and insert it vaginally. Option 2: Vaginal insertion of lubricant and around the rim of the cup. Option 3: Just lube around the rim. Step 2: Sightly fold the menstrual cup in half, bring in your index finger so you almost fold it into a U or C shape Step 3: Insert as you would a tampon (Sits a few inches below your cervix) Step 4: Rotate a little bit, you'll feel the cup open, you should not feel the cup if you insert it correctly! *You can sleep with your menstrual cup in! (Unlike, tampons)* When you take your cup out: Place index finger and your thumb inside your vagina feel for the stem, get to the base of the cup, pinch into the base to release the seal, pull down the cup. "Pinch, release, pull." *Wash your cup :)
Pros of the menstrual cup: -Safer -Affordable -Environmentally friendly -Holds more blood -Cant be felt during sex -Can be worn if you have an IUD
Cons of the menstrual cup: -Can be messy -May be hard to insert/remove -Tough to find the right fit -Could cause vaginal irritation -Could cause an allergic reaction
Where I got my cup: https://www.lunette.com Accurate cup sizing: https://www.instagram.com/putacupinit/
Connect with Rachel! Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise Facebook: Rachel Maine Facebook Group: Owning Your Sexual Self Email: therachelmaine@gmail.com