It‘s not enough to have your marriage survive. We want your marriage to thrive! Bringing unique perspectives from counseling individuals and couples in the church, the law, and the military, Bryon and Jennifer Harvey bring a wealth of experience and perspective to Operation: Thriving Marriage.
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In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we tackle one of the most debated and often misunderstood topics in Christian marriage—contraception. With so many competing voices, from the cultural message of “do whatever you want,” to Catholic rejection of all forms of contraception, to nuanced Orthodox views, to the Protestant perspective of leaving the decision to the couple, it’s easy to feel confused about what is right. We explore the history of contraception, from ancient methods in Egypt and Israel, through modern developments like the pill, to the legal and cultural shifts of the twentieth century. Along the way, we look at how concerns about immorality and family planning have shaped the conversation, and why simply dismissing contraception as wrong fails to recognize the complexities of marriage, health, and family dynamics.
The Bible does not directly address contraception, but it does affirm that sex within marriage is good and that children are a blessing. With modern medicine lowering child mortality and changing family realities, couples now face new responsibilities in making wise, prayerful decisions about family planning. We share our own story of choosing to have two children, taking into account health concerns, financial stewardship, and God’s leading. Ultimately, contraception is a deeply personal issue, one that requires unity, prayer, and counsel within the Christian community. Our hope is that this conversation helps couples approach the topic with both wisdom and grace, strengthening not just their marriage but their faith as well.
Ep 89 - Building Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to a Thriving Relationship
Episode 89
Monday, August 4, 2025 • Duration 28:47
In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we explore what it truly means to build emotional intimacy in marriage. When you think of intimacy, what comes to mind? Many couples confuse intimacy with romance or sex, but they are not the same. Romance and intimacy feed each other, but intimacy goes much deeper. When we mistake sex for intimacy or make it the goal, we miss out on the true connection God designed for marriage. This misunderstanding often leads to distance, disconnection, and even infidelity—one of the top reasons marriages fail.
True intimacy is about deeply knowing and being known by your spouse. Dictionaries use words like “close,” “personal,” “private,” and “deep” to define intimacy. Biblically, it’s expressed in Genesis 2, where Adam and Eve were “naked and not ashamed”—fully seen, fully known, and unafraid. This level of closeness doesn’t happen by accident. It takes intentional effort: having meaningful conversations that go beyond work or kids, spending time together without distractions, forgiving each other, having fun, and even small, non-sexual touches that foster connection. Sex is important too, but in Scripture it’s tied to knowing your spouse deeply, not just a physical act.
God designed marriage to be your closest human relationship. Genesis 2 shows His intent for unity: “A man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family… The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.” Building emotional intimacy means embracing vulnerability, knowing your spouse deeply, and living out God’s vision for a thriving marriage.
Ep 88 - Bad Internet Advice Part 2
Episode 88
Monday, July 21, 2025 • Duration 20:07
Welcome to episode 88 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast with Bryon and Jennifer Harvey.
In this episode Bryon and Jennifer are doing something a little different from the usual podcast. It is part two of an episode where Bryon and Jennifer review a social media post that was making the rounds and why just because the post use “churchy” or Bible language doesn’t mean that it’s actually biblical advice.
Ep - 87 Bad Internet Advice Part 1
Episode 87
Monday, June 30, 2025 • Duration 24:06
Welcome to episode 87 of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast with Bryon and Jennifer Harvey.
In this episode Bryon and Jennifer are doing something a little different from the usual podcast. Bryon and Jennifer review a social media post that was making the rounds and why just because the post use “churchy” or Bible language doesn’t mean that it’s actually biblical advice.
Ep 86 - In-laws: Navigating Boundaries, Expectations, and Blessings
Episode 86
Monday, June 9, 2025 • Duration 26:55
Episode 87 –
In-Laws: Navigating Boundaries, Expectations, and Blessings
In-laws often get a bad rap. From sitcom jokes to horror stories passed around at bridal showers, it’s almost a cliché to talk about how difficult mothers-in-law can be. But are in-laws really the problem—or is it the lack of clear boundaries and expectations that causes the most damage?
In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jennifer Harvey dive deep into the often-sensitive topic of in-law relationships. They challenge the stereotype that in-laws are always intrusive or toxic and instead present a more balanced view: in-laws can be either a blessing or a burden, depending on how couples handle the relationship.
Bryon starts the conversation by pointing out that in-laws are commonly misunderstood and unfairly criticized. Jen adds her perspective and highlights that many couples actually long for more connection with extended family—especially when distance or loss creates a void. The key isn’t to push in-laws away but to create healthy, God-honoring boundaries that protect the marriage.
Of course, the problems are real. In-laws can be invasive. They can have strong opinions about how holidays should be spent, how children should be raised, or how decisions should be made. These problems often stem from unshared or unspoken expectations—on both sides. When couples don’t talk through what’s acceptable and what isn’t, they leave room for conflict, misunderstanding, and resentment.
Before offering solutions, Bryon and Jen take a moment to acknowledge that culture plays a big role in how families interact. In some cultures, extended family is deeply involved in day-to-day life. In others, independence is prioritized. So it’s not about “right” or “wrong,” but about clarity and unity as a couple.
Ep 85 - Building Emotional Intimacy
Episode 85
Tuesday, May 27, 2025 • Duration 20:38
Episode 85: Building Emotional Intimacy
When people think about intimacy in marriage, the first thing that usually comes to mind is sex. For many couples, the idea of intimacy is wrapped up in romance, physical affection, or sexual connection. But in reality, true intimacy—especially emotional intimacy—goes much deeper than that.
In today’s episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we’re tackling one of the most misunderstood aspects of marriage: what intimacy really is, why it’s so important, and how couples can begin building it intentionally.
We believe one of the biggest problems in marriages today—especially in our Western culture—is that we’ve lost sight of what intimacy truly means. We often equate it with romance or sex, thinking if the physical side of the relationship is okay, the rest will follow. But that’s simply not true.
Romance and intimacy do form a powerful cycle—each can feed and support the other—but they are not the same thing. And when we make sex the goal of intimacy, we miss the depth of connection God designed marriage to have. In fact, misunderstanding intimacy often leads to disappointment, frustration, and emotional disconnection. Over time, that disconnection can become dangerous. It’s no coincidence that infidelity and lack of intimacy consistently top the list of reasons for divorce in the U.S. Most affairs aren’t just about sex—they’re about a longing to feel deeply known and emotionally connected.
So what’s the solution?
We believe it starts with redefining intimacy—not just by our own standards, but by God’s. A quick survey of the dictionary offers some helpful words: close, private, personal, deep knowledge. Emotional intimacy in marriage is all of those things. It’s about knowing your spouse and being known by them. It’s about vulnerability, honesty, and trust.
Ep 84 - Main Character Energy
Episode 84
Monday, May 12, 2025 • Duration 19:54
In Episode 84 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey dive into a trending concept from Gen Z culture: “Main Character Energy.”
Bryon kicks off the conversation by sharing how he came across the term and what it means—seeing yourself as the central figure in every situation. Jen offers insight into how this mindset can subtly affect relationships, especially in the context of marriage.
In marriage, “main character energy” often shows up as self-centered responses to your spouse’s honest communication. For example, one spouse might express a want or need, only for the other spouse to spiral into self-doubt, guilt, or defensiveness. Instead of hearing the concern for what it is, the response becomes about personal failure—how they aren’t measuring up. Bryon shares how he used to feel inadequate when Jen needed to talk to her friends, misinterpreting her need for community as a sign he wasn’t enough.
But the truth is: It’s not always about you. Sometimes your spouse just needs to express themselves, and it’s not a reflection on your performance as a husband or wife. Bryon and Jen discuss how even negative self-focus is still a form of pride—it centers the conversation on you, rather than your partner. Jen highlights Philippians 2:3 (NET): “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.”
They also quote Rick Warren’s famous line: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking about yourself less.” This mindset shift is essential for healthy, God-honoring communication.
When your spouse shares a concern, the most loving response is to listen without reacting defensively. Practice active listening without trying to fix the problem right away. In many cases, your spouse may just need a listening ear. And when your spouse is asking for a change in attitude or action, view it as a gift—not a criticism. They’re giving you a clear way to love them better.
It’s also important not to spiral into insecurity. Remind yourself: your spouse loves you, chose you, and continues to say yes to you daily. Trust that if they need something specific from you, they’ll communicate it directly. And for the spouse who’s expressing a concern—don’t drop hints. Be clear and direct. Marriage isn’t a guessing game; it’s a safe, sacred space to speak openly and specifically.
Ep 83 - No Perfect Marriages
Episode 83
Monday, April 28, 2025 • Duration 21:59
In Episode 84 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey dive into an important truth: there are no perfect marriages. While we often focus on communication and addressing issues, today’s episode explores why unpacking every problem can sometimes do more harm than good in your relationship.
Many couples fall into the trap of thinking they need to discuss and fix every little irritation. But over-unpacking issues can create unnecessary friction, add pressure to be “perfect,” and even bury the good parts of your marriage under a mountain of complaints. Instead of helping, this approach often decreases authentic communication. Usually, one spouse brings up the majority of the concerns, while the other feels overwhelmed and eventually shuts down. Even if the conversation continues, real communication often stops. Over-processing can also turn into a subtle form of control—an attempt to mold your spouse into someone they aren’t—and creates unrealistic expectations for what a marriage should look like.
Bryon and Jen are honest about how even Operation: Thriving Marriage might unintentionally contribute to this mindset by encouraging open conversations. While talking through important things is crucial, talking about everything will eventually mean fixing nothing.
The solution? Focus on connection over correction. Jen shares a personal story about talking to her friend Bev during a stressful time when Bryon wasn’t meeting her expectations around housework while she was pregnant. That experience highlighted a key insight: the goal of marriage isn’t to fix each other—it’s to stay deeply connected.
When couples focus on building connection, they find their relationship becomes naturally stronger and healthier. In high-connection marriages, daily tasks like doing the dishes, feeding the cat, or walking the dog don’t spark arguments. Instead, spouses step up to help without being asked, and responsibilities even out over time. One partner may handle more chores inside the home, while the other takes on more outside responsibilities—but there’s a spirit of teamwork rather than scorekeeping.
Ep 82 - How to Sabotage Your Marriage With Money
Episode 82
Monday, April 14, 2025 • Duration 27:25
In Episode 82 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey tackle a topic that hits close to home for nearly every couple: how mishandling money can sabotage your marriage. Bryon begins the conversation by asking Jen, “You deal with a lot of different family issues as a lawyer. What do you see as the biggest contributor to strife in marriage?” Drawing on both professional and personal experience, Jen explains that while financial stress is a common challenge, it’s really about how couples connect—or fail to connect—through that stress. Money is emotionally charged. It touches everything: our goals, our upbringing, our values, and our sense of security. When couples don’t know how to talk about money or approach it as a team, the consequences can be devastating.
Referencing a 2024 Fidelity study, Bryon and Jen note that 45% of couples argue about money at least occasionally, and 25% say money is the number one challenge in their marriage. Clearly, finances are a serious issue. But rather than focusing on surface-level fixes, this episode digs into the root causes of money-related tension in relationships and offers biblical, research-backed solutions for building financial unity in marriage.
One of the biggest takeaways from the episode is the importance of combining bank accounts. According to multiple studies, couples who combine their finances report higher levels of satisfaction in their marriage. It’s not just about practicality—it’s about unity. When you have a shared account, you’re forced to communicate, collaborate, and create financial goals together, whether that’s saving for a home, planning for retirement, or managing everyday expenses. On the flip side, keeping separate accounts can breed suspicion, secrecy, and division. Bryon sums it up with a powerful statement: “If you can share a bed, you can share a bank account.”
Another major factor that undermines financial harmony is what Bryon and Jen call “unexpectations”—the unspoken beliefs, habits, and assumptions we bring into marriage without ever realizing it. These come from our families of origin, our experiences before marriage, and even what we absorb from media, television shows, podcasts, and celebrity financial advisors. When couples don’t talk about these expectations, they become invisible barriers that block trust and intimacy.
Ep 81 - How to Sabotage Communication (Part 2)
Episode 81
Monday, March 31, 2025 • Duration 20:37
In this episode of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we’re continuing our conversation on how couples sabotage communication in marriage. Last time, we talked about harboring resentment and bottling up emotions — if you haven’t listened to that episode yet, we encourage you to go back and check it out. Today, we’re diving into three more common ways communication breaks down between spouses: allowing arguments to grow, refusing to apologize, and reacting without thinking.
Arguments are actually a natural part of any healthy marriage. If you and your spouse never argue, something is off — either you’re not communicating openly, one of you is avoiding sharing your thoughts and feelings, or one of you is shutting down the other. But while arguments are normal, how you handle them makes all the difference. One of the biggest ways couples sabotage communication is by letting arguments grow out of control. Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, couples often start bringing up past wrongs, a habit we call “keeping receipts.” Or they deflect by saying, “Oh yeah? Well, what about when you…?” which often comes up during fights about in-laws. Sometimes, couples engage in one-upmanship, trying to prove who’s done worse. To keep arguments from growing, it’s important to set ground rules when you’re not arguing — like agreeing not to bring up old issues, finding ways to stay on track, and knowing when to take a break if things get too heated.
Another way communication breaks down is when one or both spouses withhold apologies. Saying “I’m sorry” is one of the most important things you can do in marriage — and it has to be sincere. That means leaving out the “but” that excuses your behavior. Some people refuse to apologize because they don’t want to admit fault, see it as a sign of weakness, or want to maintain control. But withholding apologies creates emotional distance, removes safety from the relationship, and ultimately rejects your spouse. Nothing will kill communication and destroy a marriage faster than refusing to say, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” There’s no secret tip to this one — you just have to do it.
The last communication saboteur we cover is reacting without thinking. Bryon shares that this is something he has struggled with personally, often wanting to act first and think later. While that may have been useful in the military, it’s not a healthy way to treat your spouse. When you react without thinking — saying or doing things without consciously choosing them — you create an unsafe environment where your spouse feels like they have to walk on eggshells. Fixing this takes discipline, and honestly, you’re the only one who can fix you. Prayer is crucial here, asking the Holy Spirit to help develop self-control. It also helps to invite your spouse into the process. Give them permission to gently call you out when you’re reacting instead of responding thoughtfully, because you can’t fix a problem you don’t recognize in the moment.
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Looking to Scripture, the Harveys highlight that even in the Bible, in-law dynamics could be messy. Think of Jacob and Laban—manipulation, dishonesty, and control defined that relationship. It’s a powerful reminder that family doesn’t always operate in a healthy way, and it’s okay to draw a line when needed.
The bottom line? Your marriage is your marriage. When you got married, you started a new family, and that relationship must come first. That means you need to establish boundaries—not out of rebellion or bitterness, but out of love and wisdom.
Bryon and Jen walk through a helpful process for setting those boundaries:
Identify what your in-laws expect by having clarifying conversations.
Discuss your own expectations as a couple regarding your relationship with extended family.
Talk through specifics like how much time to spend together, who hosts holidays, what to do for birthdays, how to handle gifts, and how to engage with siblings-in-law differently than parents-in-law.
Address concerns directly with your own parents—don’t expect your spouse to fight your family battles.
Remember Genesis 2:24: leaving your parents and becoming one with your spouse isn’t about cutting ties—it’s about forming a new primary relationship.
As the episode wraps up, the Harveys emphasize that in-laws truly can be a huge blessing. When approached with clear communication and firm-but-loving boundaries, they can be a significant source of support and encouragement. But if left unchecked, they can also become a damaging influence on your marriage—especially when unspoken expectations carry over into your home.
The key is to always prioritize your relationship with your spouse. When you’re united, you can handle the complexities of extended family without letting them erode the foundation of your marriage.
Key Scripture:
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
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In the Bible, the phrase used to describe Adam and Eve in the garden is simple but profound: “naked and not ashamed.” That’s not just a reference to physical nakedness. It’s about being fully open, fully exposed—emotionally and spiritually—with nothing to hide and no fear of rejection. That’s the kind of intimacy God intends for marriage.
But here’s the key: emotional intimacy doesn’t happen by accident. It takes work. It takes intention. And it takes time.
In this episode, we share practical ways couples can build emotional intimacy, starting today:
Have conversations that go beyond logistics—not just about work, kids, or household responsibilities, but about each other. How are you really doing? What are you dreaming about? What’s weighing on your heart?
Talk about ideas, not just things. Discuss faith, purpose, fears, and goals. Real intimacy grows when you explore deeper waters together.
Spend time together without distractions. Plan a date night. Take a walk. Or simply sit on the couch with no screens in front of you.
Forgive each other quickly and completely. Nothing blocks intimacy like unresolved resentment.
Have fun together. Laughter bonds hearts. Don’t underestimate the power of shared joy.
Practice non-sexual touch—a hand on the shoulder, a kiss on the forehead, a long hug.
Yes, make time for sex, but remember that in Hebrew, the euphemism for sex is “to know.” That speaks volumes about the level of intimacy God designed for the sexual relationship in marriage.
At the heart of it all, God intends for marriage to be the closest human relationship we experience. Genesis 2 paints a beautiful picture of this connection: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.”
Emotional intimacy is about creating that kind of space in your marriage—where you are both fully known, fully loved, and never ashamed.
So ask yourself today: What can I do to build deeper emotional intimacy in my marriage? Because thriving marriages aren’t built on convenience or chemistry. They’re built on intentional connection—day by day, choice by choice.
The episode wraps up with this truth: Main character energy destroys many relationships. Yes, you are vitally important to your spouse. But not everything is about you. When your spouse shares a concern, let it be their concern. Support them, listen, and trust that love grows when we stop making ourselves the center of every story.
Operation: Thriving Marriage continues to help couples build stronger, Christ-centered relationships—together. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!
Bryon and Jen encourage listeners to maximize small moments of connection throughout the day: holding hands, sharing a quick touch, doing chores side-by-side, or running errands together. Sometimes, the best way to “fix” a small annoyance is simply to take care of it yourself—whether that’s wiping up toothpaste, putting away a glass, or hanging up the keys—without making it a battle.
Importantly, this doesn’t mean ignoring major problems in your marriage. Serious issues should absolutely be addressed. But it does mean prioritizing wisely, and not allowing minor annoyances to grow into major conflicts simply because they were overthought or over-discussed.
Bryon and Jen close the episode with a powerful reminder from Scripture. Ephesians 4:1-3 (NET) says:
“I, therefore, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live worthily of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Although Paul originally wrote these words about relationships within the church, the principle is vital for marriage too. By approaching each other with humility, gentleness, patience, and love, couples can work together to maintain the unity and peace that God designed marriage to reflect.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to fix every small frustration to have a great marriage, this episode is for you. No Perfect Marriages offers practical, faith-based advice for focusing on what matters most—building a marriage filled with connection, grace, and peace.
Be sure to subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage for more real, encouraging conversations about how to build a marriage that not only survives, but thrives
The episode also reminds listeners that expenses will inevitably increase over time. Whether it’s the cost of raising children, adjusting to a higher standard of living, or dealing with inflation, planning ahead is essential. Couples who don’t anticipate financial changes often find themselves overwhelmed and reactive, which only adds to the strain.
One of the more sensitive but critical points Bryon and Jen address is the role extended family can play in sabotaging financial unity. While it’s perfectly okay to seek wise counsel from parents or friends, your financial decisions should be made by you and your spouse alone. It’s crucial to establish boundaries, especially with in-laws, and to never share financial information with anyone your spouse isn’t comfortable with. Financial privacy and unity go hand in hand.
As the conversation draws to a close, Bryon and Jen bring it back to a biblical perspective. Money is one of the greatest competitors for our loyalty to God. Jesus said, “You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24), and Paul warned that “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). The goal of marriage isn’t just happiness—it’s holiness. God gives us marriage as a way to grow more like Christ, and learning to manage money together is a key part of that journey. When couples are faithful with the little they’ve been given, they position themselves to be entrusted with more—and to one day hear those words from Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Whether you’re newly married or decades in, this episode offers valuable insight and practical steps for cultivating financial unity in your relationship. If you’ve ever argued about money, kept financial secrets, or felt misunderstood by your spouse about money matters, Episode 83 is a must-listen. Bryon and Jen combine biblical wisdom, real-life experience, and research-backed advice to help you avoid the common traps that sabotage marriages—and to build a thriving relationship grounded in trust, transparency, and shared purpose.
Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage on your favorite podcast platform and share this episode with someone who could use a fresh perspective on faith and finances in marriage.
Communication is essential to a thriving marriage, but we all sabotage it sometimes. Over these two episodes, we’ve talked about five of the biggest ways: harboring resentment, bottling up emotions, allowing arguments to grow, withholding apologies, and reacting without thinking. What are some other ways you’ve seen communication sabotaged in marriage? We’d love to hear from you at operationthrivingmarriage.com or on Facebook and Instagram. And if you found this episode helpful, please rate and review the podcast to help other couples find us and thrive in their marriages too.
