Explore every episode of the podcast Open Adoption Project

In this episode, we sit down with Anna Lehnardt, an international adoptee, to learn about the personal and emotional challenges from her experience of growing up in a family across borders. From navigating identity to facing the complexities of belonging, this conversation sheds light on the realities of international adoption.

In 2019, when Beth Syverson's adopted son Joey was 15, he was hospitalized with a mental health crisis. While there, Beth discovered he had been using cannabis, psychedelics, and more. It has been a sometimes-excruciating marathon since then, with runaways, overdoses, psych hospitals and treatment centers, relapses, suicidal ideation, and anxiety & depression. But Beth's family is now on a healing journey, and they are committed to walking beside each other with positive and compassionate relationships, no matter what. Beth has discovered that Joey’s relinquishment trauma from his inter-country adoption at 7 months old is one of his core issues.

Beth wants to help other families struggling with adoption, addiction, mental health, and diversity. Join her in this heartfelt episode where we sit down with Beth Syverson, the author of Adoption and Suicide. Beth shares her deeply personal journey, discussing the sensitive topics of suicide and suicidal ideation. We advise listeners to approach this episode with care. Beth's son, Joey, who has faced his own struggles, is still with us and fully supports his mom in sharing their story. Join us for this important conversation that sheds light on these critical issues.

If you or someone that you know is struggling with suicidal ideation, please call 988.

https://unravelingadoption.com/

https://www.instagram.com/unravelingadoption/

Linda R. Sexton shares her experiences and insights regarding open adoption, including the challenges and benefits involved. She also discusses the importance of prioritizing the child's needs, maintaining open communication with birth parents, and the potential for intergenerational trauma to impact adoptees.

Additionally, Linda shares about her book, The Branches We Cherish: An Open Adoption Memoir and about her open adoption journey.

Birth mom, Sara Jane, returns to the podcast with her daughter, Courtney, who she placed for adoption, and Courtney's adoptive mom, Jeanette. We get to hear thoughts from these three women who are from different parts of the adoption triad, and who have all become family. They share what open adoption looks like for them and how their relationships and understandings of openness have evolved over time. We wish you all a peaceful holiday season, and will return with more episodes after the new year.

Anna Lehnardt, a Chinese-born adoptee, shares her experience and thoughts after reading "Selling Transracial Adoption" by Elizabeth Raleigh. She shares some of her own experiences as a transracial adoptee and thoughts on how policy and practice can be improved to focus more on adoptees rather than adoptive parents.

Sharolyn Swenson, an adoptee, joins our special NAM book club episode to discuss Christina Baker Kline’s book “Orphan Train.” If you haven’t read the book yet, please skip this episode to avoid potential spoilers. Sharolyn shares her thoughts and insights after reading the novel. Lanette and Sharolyn delve into the book’s portrayal of adoption and foster care, as well as the historical context of the orphan train movement. They also explore the characters of Vivian and Molly and their struggles with identity, as well as the complexities of adoption and the mother-daughter relationship. Sharolyn shares her personal experience of discovering her Jewish heritage, and Lanette recommends “Orphan Train Rider” by Andrea Warren as a more historically accurate account of the orphan train phenomenon. If you’d like to join the conversation about this book, head over to our social media pages. We welcome your thoughts and discussions.

An adoptee shares her personal journey of adoption and the impact of the book, "The Girls Who Went Away," by Ann Fessler, also an adoptee, in this special NAM book club episode.

"The Girls Who Went Away" is a memoir/biography about mothers who relinquished their children for adoption before Roe v. Wade on her perspective towards his birth mother, leading him to search for her. The adoptee discussion leader in this episode discussed the evolution of adoption practices, the challenges faced by birth mothers in the past, and the importance of open adoption and transparency.

Adoptee Devanie Roberts discusses the book "Far from the Tree" by Robin Benway in this special National Adoption Month book club episode. Please do not listen to these episodes if you have not read these books and do not want to potentially hear spoilers. "Far From the Tree" is discussed through lenses of adoption, and Devanie shares her thoughts after reading it. If you would like to join the conversation about this book, head over to our social media pages. We welcome your thoughts.

Dr. Jeff Thompson discusses how we can establish and maintain psychological safety within relationships. He shares how active listening can enhance connections. We also discuss how to address conflict and find resolutions. This episode offers incredibly valuable insights for anyone looking to improve important relationships, both within the adoption community and beyond.

In our last episode, we discussed Family Communication Patterns Theory (FCPT), which describes how families communicate and create a shared social reality. The theory was developed by Koerner and Fitzpatrick in 2002. In this episode, we discuss how FCPT and how families can improve and enrich communication, applying Dr. Murray Bowen’s Family Systems Theory, and discussing additional thoughts on how families can evaluate and improve communication patterns.

In this episode, Shaun and Lanette discuss the Family Communication Pattern Theory, by McLeod and Chaffee, and its adoption application. focusing on conformity and conversation orientation, and how these patterns can impact families, particularly in the context of adoption. They analyzed various family dynamics portrayed in movies and TV shows, identifying different communication patterns and their implications. Family Communication Patterns help us understand how childhood family structure impacts adulthood. The model suggests that families fall into four patterns, which vary in degrees of conformity and conversation. The importance of balance in family communication patterns and the need for open dialogue, and the potential influence of parenting styles on children is discussed.

Get the guide, FREE of charge, here: Substance Exposure in Utero: A Guide For Prospective Adoptive Parents

Hi Adoption Friends,

We’re Shaun and Lanette, co-hosts and creators of the Open Adoption Project. We hope this guide is a helpful tool for you as you counsel and discuss how you are able to support and help children exposed to substances in utero. We are so thankful to Dr. Stone for collaborating with us on creating and sharing this guide, and generously offering this resource free of charge through the Open Adoption Project publications.

We hope you’ll check out the Open Adoption Project podcast, where you can learn more about adoption free of charge. On the podcast, we discuss various aspects of adoption. We have a library of over a hundred episodes featuring interviews with adoptees, birth parents, and others. Hosting the show has been immensely educational and impactful for us. We hope that it will be a valuable resource for you as well.

If you want to continue learning, we also offer an openness guide. The Openness Guide for Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption is available at openadoptionproject.org. All proceeds from this guide go right back into supporting the Open Adoption Project podcast.

We’re thankful to have you here, learning with us and making adoptee-centric decisions. Continually listening to others’ experiences and learning more about adoption has richly blessed our lives and helped us better parent our children. We strongly believe that it will improve your own experiences with parenting and connecting with your children as well, and hope it will also help you build meaningful relationships with birth family members too.

Wishing you all of the best in your endeavors,

The purpose of this research is to understand the context and the decisions women made when deciding to place a child for adoption.

To Participate, need to:

• Be age 18 or older
• Identify as a woman
• Speak & Understand English
• Have placed a child for adoption in the US after ‘94
• Currently reside in the US

Participants will complete: (1) approx. 90 min. interview (in-person or on Zoom). Interview participants will receive a $50 visa gift card.

Participants may participate in a supplemental focus group (via Zoom). Focus group participants will receive a $10 visa gift card.

Website: https://linktr.ee/first.families.project

Email us to get started! Fill out this form or First.Families.Project@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/First-Families-Project/61560684895325/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C7A1-NgLKSf/?img_index=1

Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing in Bainbridge Island, Washington. Dr. Rowley's book, The Lost Coin: A Memoir of Adoption and Destiny, was published by Chiron Publications, Sept. 2023. With his background as a psychotherapist and educator, his interest in Jungian psychology and Zen Buddhism, Dr. Rowley discusses what fundamental core experiences adoptees share, how the adopted child reckons with the paradox of a comfortable upbringing and a powerful emotional loss, and how early childhood wounds result in “primitive agonies” that cause disproportionate emotional reactions. He also discusses what relational complexities are especially inherent to most, if not all, adoptees. Learn more at stephenrowley108.com/memoir/.

We also share information about the First Families Project, researching birth mother experiences. To learn more about this research go to https://linktr.ee/first.families.project

Amy Seek shares her experiences with adoption as a birth mom, and how her relationship with her son has evolved. She shares about the importance of transparency and honesty in open adoption conversations and the need for improved ethical practices as we strive to better support mothers and their children.

Amy’s book “God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birthmother”

Other Resources:

Concerned United Birthparents

Saving our Sisters

NAAP First Families support group

Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections

Right to Know

Untangling Our Roots, an annual summit of adoptees and DCP providing education around best practices for the affected people

Open Adoption: Not so Simple Math

You can reach Amy at amyseek@concernedunitedbirthparents.org

Adoptee Lexi Condie shares her experience in this touching episode. Lexi was adopted by Aymee and Reed at age 8 along with her older brother Tyler, who was the son of Reed. Aymee and Reed decided it would be best to let Lexi and Tyler stay in contact with their mother (Stevoni), who was in prison at that time. Over the years Lexi developed a fantastic relationship with Stevoni. Lexi has always been able to lean on her adoptive parents. Lexi is currently working toward her Certified Welding Inspector certification and starting her own business. Lexi loves her career and is working towards making her life her own again. Be sure to listen to our episode with Lexi's mothers, Aymee and Stevoni, for more about how uniting adoptive and biological families in efforts to love and support adoptees can impact lives.

In this episode, we learn about the experience of foster care alumni Cadon Riley, including his experience being adopted and later returning to the foster care system. Cadon and Shaun discuss some of the challenges Cadon has experienced, and his hopes for how our community can improve experiences for other youth in care and in need of support. Cadon Riley is a Foster Care & Child Welfare Advocate. Cadon was adopted at birth into a transracial family. At the age of 15 Cadon was placed back into the foster care system, aging out at 18. Cadon made it his goal to become an advocate to help others from similar backgrounds. Cadon is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Utah Tech University, intending to obtain his Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. Cadon’s continuous advocacy has landed him the opportunity to speak on Capitol Hill and become a Congressional Leadership Academy Delegate with the National Foster Youth Institute. Cadon’s extensive involvement in local and national advocacy aims to improve and inform the child welfare system through the power of lived experience.

Kaira Dark is a birth mom who placed her son for adoption about 20 years ago. The adoption began as semi-open, and became open later. Kaira shares about her struggles with the trauma she experienced and how her experiences and perceptions have shifted over time. We love hearing from birth moms and really enjoyed learning from Karia's experiences.

In this episode, Lanette and Alisha discuss establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, both in open adoptions and when caring for children in foster care. We address some frequently asked questions regarding this subject, including how to create healthy communication patterns and how to mediate challenging situations.

There are two kinds of openness in adoption—structural and communicative. Both are important in supporting identity and development of adopted individuals, as supported by academic research. We discuss the differences between structural and communicative openness and tips for adoptive parents for practicing openness in a more adoptee-centered way. This episode is part of our series where we discuss frequently asked questions regarding open adoption. We address many of the fears adoptive parents might voice as they consider openness in this discussion.

Learn more in The Openness Guide for Prospective Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption

Sources:

Brodzinsky, D.M. (2005). Reconceptualizing openness in adoption: Implications for theory,

research, and practice. In D.M. Brodzinsky & J. Palacios (Eds.), Psychological issues in adoption: Research and practice (pp. 145-166). Praeger.

Brodzinsky, D. (2006). Family structural openness and communication openness as predictors in the adjustment of adopted children. Adoption quarterly, 9(4), 1-18.

Brodzinsky, D. (2015). Understanding and treating adoptive families. Contemporary families: Translating research into practice, 35-52.

Berge, J. M., Green, K. M., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2006). Adolescent sibling narratives regarding contact in adoption. Adoption Quarterly, 9(2-3), 81-103.

Grotevant, H. D. (2020). Open adoption. The Routledge handbook of adoption, 266-277.

Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., Elde, C. L., & Fravel, D. L. (1994). Adoptive family system dynamics: Variations by level of openness in the adoption. Family process, 33(2), 125-146.

Grotevant, H. D., & McDermott, J. M. (2014). Adoption: Biological and social processes linked to adaptation. Annual review of psychology, 65, 235-265.

Grotevant, H. D., Wrobel, G. M., Fiorenzo, L., Lo, A. Y., & McRoy, R. G. (2019). Trajectories of birth family contact in domestic adoptions. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(1), 54.

Neil, E. “Making sense of adoption: Integration and differentiation from the perspective of adopted children in middle childhood.” Children and Youth Services Review 34, no. 2 (2012): 409-416.

Neil, E., Beek, M., & Ward, E. (2015). Contact after adoption: A longitudinal study of post adoption contact arrangements. Coram BAAF.

Wolfgram, S. (2008). Openness in adoption: What we know so far—A critical review of the literature. Social Work, 53(2), 133-142.

Wrobel, G. M., Ayers-Lopez, S., Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., & Friedrick, M. (1996,

October). Openness in adoption and the level of child participation. Child

Development, 67(5), 2358.

Wrobel, G. M., Kohler, J. K., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2003, October 1). The Family

Adoption Communication (FAC) model. Adoption Quarterly, 7(2), 53–84.

Scherman, R. (2016). Openness and intercountry adoption in New Zealand. In Intercountry Adoption (pp. 309-318). Routledge.

Vandivere, S., Malm, K., & Radel, L. (2009). Adoption USA: A chartbook based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents. US Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation.

MacDonald, M., & McSherry, D. (2011). Open Adoption: Adoptive Parents’ Experiences of Birth Family Contact and Talking to Their Child about Adoption. Adoption & Fostering, 35(3), 4-16.

Christelle Pellecuer returns to the podcast to discuss some tough questions and challenging aspects of adoption, particularly transracial and international adoption, in this episode. She discusses the importance of honesty and transparency in adoption. She also considers what potential impacts of a lack of structural and communication openness may be in her adoption experience. Christelle shared her story in Episode 88 of the podcast. We recommend listening to that episode before this one for more context.

Find our ebook at https://openadoption.gumroad.com/l/opa use code launchOAP for 25% off until April 18th, 2024.

We have a new adoption openness guide, “The Openness Guide for Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption,” which was released today. The message we often see in the adoption community is, "Open adoptions are good! Do them!" with little guidance on how to make it work. This guide and workbook bridges that gap and teaches adoptive parents how to navigate open adoption.

https://openadoption.gumroad.com/l/opa

https://sites.google.com/view/openadoptionproject/openness-guide

Use code: launchOAP for 25% off until April 17, 2024.

Cultivating and nurturing any relationship takes work and dedication. Relationships in open adoption are sometimes hard to maintain. In this episode, we discuss some questions we’re asked frequently regarding how to move forward in adoption relationships when things get complicated, and considerations when trying to choose a path forward. In particular, we discuss how respect and communication factor into forging stronger relationships.

We wrap up National Adoption Month with a discussion about disenfranchised grief and some highlights and lessons learned during 100 episodes of the Open Adoption Project podcast (so far). Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not recognized as valid by society, and is prevalently experienced in the adoption community. We talk about how those who adopt can better understand grief experienced by adopted people and first parents, and how this understanding can counter shame and create stronger bonds. We also share what our most downloaded episode is, and a handful of some of the most impactful interviews we’ve done since starting the show in 2021. We’ll be back in the new year with our fifth season. Happy Holidays and thanks for learning with us!

In this episode we introduce a discussion and questions regarding the similarities and differences between embryo adoption and traditional adoption. A guest couple shares their experience with embryo adoption. We share results from a small survey we posted on our instagram about embryo adoption, and discuss the section on embryo adoption from “The Adoption Constellation” by Dr. Michael Grand as well as an article from European Child and Psychiatry.

Julie was adopted as an infant with her twin sister. In this episode she shares how medical issues pushed her to connect with her birth family nearly 50 years after being adopted. She writes extensively about finding out who you are, where you belong, and making sense of it. Julie’s debut memoir, “Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging” (2021) is the story of her five-year search for birth relatives. Her weekly blogs That Girl, This Life and monthly column at The Beacher focus on identity, family, and life’s quirky moments. Her follow up book, “Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family & Kinship” was released this month. In this episode, she discusses adoption, adversity, abandonment, and developing identity as an adoptee.

When we recently discussed orphan trains, one thing that stood out to us was that the policies and practices during this time were adoptive parent-focused. This problem persisted over time, like during the Baby Scoop Era. In this episode, we discuss why this focus on adopters is problematic, and actionable ways adoptive parents can shift the focus in the adoption community toward adoptees and biological parents.

In this National Adoption Awareness Month special, we hear adoptee Sara Odicio, LSW, of Core of Adoption. She talks about ruptured attachments. We then discuss some of Dr. Bruce D. Perry’s research on child attachment and development, and eight ways caretakers can help nurture children who struggle with secure attachments. We reference two articles by Dr. Perry called “Examining child maltreatment through a neurodevelopmental lens: clinical application of the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics” (2009) and "Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children Consequences of Emotional Neglect in Childhood" (2001).

For more about how to nurture children experiencing ruptured attachments, and for more information on some of Dr. Perry’s work, go to ChildTrama.org and bdperry.com.

In this National Adoption Awareness Month special, we hear from four adoptees—Melaina, Sara, DaKota, and Jori—and some things each of them want people to understand about being adopted.

Foster care trainer with Utah Foster Care Liz Rivera shares her thoughts on openness in foster care situations. She discusses the importance of prioritizing meaningful relationships for children in care and honoring children's roots.

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, we hear from Leah Outten, a birth mom who consults with prospective adoptive parents, about her top tips for building an adoption profile with expectant parents in mind.

Sara Jane Schenk is a birth mom of about 16 years and has had a very open adoption the entire time. She talks about the importance of communication within the adoption community, destigmatizing adoption, and the supporting village that helped her through placement.

In this episode, foster care trainer Liz Rivera shares key takeaways from the book, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry. Her experience working at Utah Foster Care for more than 2 decades shines in this conversation about childhood trauma and finding peace and healing.

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, our Director of Communications, Alisha Gallagher, interviews Anna Maria DiDio, an author and adoptive parent. Anna Maria shares her experience of realizing the importance of nurturing cultural connections and helping individuals who were adopted preserve their cultural identities.

This episode dives into the history of orphan trains in the United States. The orphan trains operated from 1854 through 1929, relocating from about 200,000 children. In this episode, we discuss the orphan train using accounts from a historical nonfiction book called “Orphan Train Rider” by Andrea Warren. This book primarily follows the memories of Lee Nailling, who rode an orphan train in 1926 as a nine-year-old child. In this episode, we discuss some long-term impacts of orphan trains and the policies implemented during this era. We also discuss how openness, honesty, and connecting to roots can make a difference in the lives of individuals who experience adoption.

Christelle was adopted at 10 year old from Madagascar to France after her mother passed away. She shares about her experience as a black adoptee growing up in a white community, about the challenges of being an International adoptee with very little knowledge about her story, and the cultural changes in her life. Learn more on her website christellepellecuer.com

In this episode of our National Adoption Month series, we hear from Leah Outten, a birth mom who placed her daughter for adoption as a teenage mother, and maintained a very open adoption throughout her daughter’s childhood and on into adulthood.

Stevoni Doyle and Aymee Condie are mothers connected initially through shared love for their children. In this episode, these strong women share their story, beginning with Stevoni’s children being cared for by Aymee. Over the years, they have built a beautiful family and strong friendship, where they support one another in their roles as mothers. This episode discusses the challenges of foster care, drug addiction, and maintaining connections, as well as the power of vulnerability, forgiveness, trust, and supporting one another with love and understanding, particularly in regards to parenting children in foster and adoption situations.

In this episode we hear from Eileen Skahill, an adoptee and academic who studies adoption. She shares her experiences and perspectives and also discusses a current research project she’s working on.

Are you and adoptee that is interested in participating in Eileen's current research? If so, please contact her at eskahill@uccs.edu

This is a conversation that we shared last year, 2022, for Juneteenth. In this episode, you'll hear several members of the adoption community share thoughts on race, and multicultural and transracial adoption.

Lauren Eisenhauer is a birth mom who placed her daughter for adoption 18 years ago, and maintained contact throughout her daughter’s childhood. She talks about her experience choosing adoption as a teenager, and what that looked like, including naming her daughter with the adoptive parents and making choices about what she wanted things to look like. She talks about shame and stigma as well as the importance of therapy. She shares thoughts on open adoption relationships transitioning into adulthood as well.

Patrick Hawes, an adoptee raised in a multicultural home, shares his experience being adopted as an infant and reuniting with his biological mom later in life. He shares different struggles that came with not talking about adoption in the home and the healing that came with finding his family.

Sign up for our newsletter here, apply for free assistance using DNA to find your biological family here.

In this episode, we discuss some of the complexities of adoptee reunion with Heather Rodriguez. Heather Rodriguez is an adoptee as well as a foster and adoptive parent. She shares raw experiences and emotions from her reunion experiences and her thoughts on adoptees’ need to connect with and understand their ancestry.