Explore every episode of the podcast Nope! We're Not Monogamous
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| You're Not a Hypocrite for Feeling Jealous in Non-Monogamy, EP. 167 | 22 Oct 2026 | 00:32:40 | |
Can you be non-monogamous and still get jealous? And if you love dating other people but struggle when your partner does the same thing, does that make you a hypocrite? Come on. Can we stop acting like jealousy means you're bad at polyamory? Here's the thing. Most of us grew up with some pretty deeply ingrained ideas about love, being chosen, and what makes us worthy of a relationship. And then we start practicing ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and somehow expect all those insecurities to magically disappear? Yeah, that's not how that works. In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm sharing a story about the time my partner started dating a friend of mine, and my brain decided she was better than me in basically every possible way. Spoiler: She wasn't the problem. The stories I was telling myself were. We're talking about jealousy, comparison, fear of abandonment, and why your partner being attracted to someone else doesn't automatically mean you're not enough. Plus, I'm sharing five questions to help you figure out what your jealousy is actually telling you. And just to be clear, this isn't about learning to tolerate things that don't work for you so you can prove you're good at non-monogamy. It's about learning to trust yourself enough to know the difference. 💬 Have you ever felt like getting jealous meant you weren't cut out for non-monogamy? Tell me in the comments. I want to hear about it. Want to work on the comparison stuff? If you're a woman who keeps finding yourself comparing yourself to your partner's other partners, that's exactly the kind of thing we work on in Beyond Compare. 👉 https://elleciapaine.podia.com/beyondcompare 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| My Marriage Ended.... That Doesn’t Mean It Failed, EP. 166 | 24 Sep 2026 | 00:15:55 | |
I’m back. And my life looks pretty different than it did a few months ago. I took most of the summer off from podcasting while I remodeled, moved, and navigated a pretty big life change: my husband and I split up. I’m sharing a little about where I’ve been, but this episode isn’t really about the details of my separation. It’s about a question I’ve been thinking about a lot: Does a relationship ending mean it failed? In this episode:
If you’re in the messy middle of figuring out what you want, questioning the shape of a relationship, navigating non-monogamy, or realizing that the life you’ve built might not fit anymore, you don’t have to have the answer before asking for support. Sometimes the work starts with finally having enough space to hear yourself. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rewind: Your Best Sex Isn't Behind You | Susan Bratton | 10 Sep 2026 | 01:15:36 | |
Some conversations stay with you long after you hit stop recording. This is one of those conversations for me. I'm bringing back my interview with Susan Bratton, and I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. Susan is a sex educator, author, and longtime consensually non-monogamous person who is incredibly passionate about helping people have more pleasure, better communication, and satisfying sex throughout their lives. And she has a LOT to say. We talk about her life with her husband and boyfriend, what it looks like to build a family around honesty and connection, and why being fully expressed in your relationships can be so damn freeing. But we also get into something I think so many of us need to hear: Your sex life doesn't have to get smaller as you get older. You can keep learning. You can discover new kinds of pleasure. You can get better at asking for what you want. And you can stop treating intercourse as the only thing that counts as sex. Susan shares her approach to arousal, why she has certain non-negotiables around her own pleasure, and how understanding what your body needs can change the entire experience. We also talk about sexual wellness as we age, including hormones, changes in genital tissue, and some of the treatments and products Susan has explored personally and professionally. And then we get into a conversation I really don't want you to miss: STI testing, herpes disclosure, and how we can create more honest, less shame-filled conversations about sexual safety. Susan shares her own experience living with herpes, and we respond to a listener who is struggling with disclosure and feeling rejected by their community. I love this part of the conversation because it gets right to the heart of what ethical non-monogamy asks of us. Not pretending there's no risk. Not shaming people for having an STI. But learning how to talk about our health, our boundaries, and our choices so everyone has the information they need to make decisions for themselves. In this episode, we talk about:
This episode is full of curiosity, laughter, and the kind of candid conversation that makes me remember exactly why I started this podcast. Because we deserve to talk about sex like it's a normal, important, pleasurable part of being human. And we deserve to keep learning about it. Enjoy this Rewind with Susan Bratton. Note: This is an archival conversation. Susan shares personal experiences, opinions, and information about sexual health products and treatments. Some medical claims, recommendations, and product details may have changed since recording. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional for individualized medical advice. 16:30 https://arousalsecret.com/ 21:45 https://orgasmiccrosstraining.com/ 29:30 https://personallifemedia.com/pump-guide/ 33:58 https://www.glownaturalwellness.com/products/glow-below 38:30 http://pleasureprotocol.com/ 47:49 fullpaneltest.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rewind: Jealousy, Compersion & the Messy Truth About Non-Monogamy with Dirty Lola | 27 Aug 2026 | 01:11:38 | |
Some of my favorite conversations on this podcast are the ones where we stop trying to make non-monogamy look perfect and just talk about what it's actually like. This is absolutely one of those episodes. For this Rewind, I'm bringing back my conversation with sex educator Dirty Lola, and ohhhh, there is so much good stuff in this one. Lola takes us through her journey from experimenting with non-monogamy before she even had language for it, to marriage and monogamy, swinging, polyamory, divorce, and eventually building relationships that feel much more aligned with who she actually is. And we talk about the messy parts. Jealousy. Resentment. Agreements that don't work. Agreements people say yes to and then don't actually follow. Feeling unheard. Learning how to ask for what you need. Figuring out what information you actually want about your partner's other relationships. And, of course, compersion. One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how honest we both are about the idea that compersion is supposed to be this magical gold standard of successful polyamory. Sometimes Lola feels it. Sometimes I feel it. And sometimes neutral is fucking fantastic. Because healthy non-monogamy isn't about never feeling jealous or being delighted every time your partner falls in love with someone new. It's about knowing yourself well enough to recognize what's happening, communicate about it, create boundaries that actually support you, and take responsibility for what you do with your feelings. We also get into something I wish more people understood about agreements: don't say yes to something you don't actually agree to. A reluctant yes followed by broken agreements isn't healthier than having the uncomfortable conversation in the first place. Say no. Keep talking. Get curious about what each of you actually needs. Find the version that works for everyone involved. That's collaboration. In this episode, we talk about:
There is so much laughter in this conversation, but there's also a ton of wisdom about what it really takes to build relationships where you can be honest, messy, imperfect, and still deeply loving. If you're navigating jealousy, trying to figure out your boundaries, opening a relationship, or wondering why you don't feel that mythical nonstop compersion everyone keeps talking about, this episode is absolutely worth another listen. Because you don't have to be perfectly polyamorous. You just have to be willing to know yourself, tell the truth, communicate, and keep learning. Enjoy this Rewind with Dirty Lola. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships | Jessica Fern & David Cooley | 13 Aug 2026 | 01:04:46 | |
Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives. This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it. If you've ever struggled with jealousy, conflict, emotional triggers, or wondered how to build relationships that actually grow stronger through hard conversations, you're going to want to listen to this one. What I love most about this conversation is that Jessica and David don't just teach relationship theory. They share the messy, beautiful reality of living it. They talk openly about opening their relationship, divorce, becoming life partners again, raising a child together, repairing after conflict, and the emotional work it took to get there. We explore what emotional intelligence actually looks like in everyday relationships, why slowing down often creates more freedom than rushing ahead, and how conflict can become one of the greatest pathways to intimacy instead of something to avoid. One of my favorite moments comes near the end of the episode, when Jessica and David turn the tables and interview me about my own journey through jealousy. Looking back now, it's fascinating to hear that conversation knowing how much my work has continued to evolve around helping people move through jealousy with compassion instead of shame. If you're newer to non-monogamy, this episode will give you practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges that come with growth. If you've been practicing for years, I think you'll still find yourself nodding along and maybe hearing something in a completely new way. In this episode, we talk about:
Whether you're just opening your relationship or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is full of the kind of wisdom that only comes from people who've done the work themselves. I'd love to hear what stands out to you after listening. Come find me on Instagram and let me know what resonated most. If this episode supports you, please share it with someone who could use a little more compassion, clarity, and hope on their own relationship journey. Thanks for being here, and enjoy this Rewind episode. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Growing Up in a Polyamorous Family | A Conversation with Koe Creation | 30 Jul 2026 | 00:58:38 | |
What is it actually like to grow up in a polyamorous family? There are plenty of opinions about how non-monogamy affects children, but very few of those opinions come from people who actually lived it. In this re-released episode of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with educator, author, and activist Koe Creation, who grew up in a polyamorous family and now helps people navigate conversations around relationships, gender, sexuality, and chosen family. Together we explore what childhood was really like, how parents can create emotionally safe homes, and why honesty, trust, and communication matter so much more than whether your relationships fit traditional expectations. We also talk about navigating judgment from the outside world, introducing partners to children, "meta parents," and the importance of giving kids age-appropriate information without making relationships feel secret or shameful. Whether you're already raising children in a non-monogamous family, considering opening your relationship, or simply curious about what healthy alternative family structures can look like, this conversation offers a thoughtful perspective that challenges many of the assumptions our culture still holds. In this episode we discuss:
Timestamps 00:00 Why people misunderstand polyamorous families 01:25 Meet Koe Creation 06:00 Choosing non-monogamy for yourself 12:30 Growing up outside traditional family structures 21:50 Privacy, secrecy, and navigating the outside world 28:50 Talking to children about non-monogamy 40:00 The Platinum Rule and healthier relationships 51:00 Representation, media, and the future of polyamorous families Connect with Koe Creation Website: https://www.koecreation.com X/Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/koecreation Books Mentioned This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Non-Binary Millennial of a Polyamorous Family by Koe Creation Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá ❤️ If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who could use a little reassurance that there are many ways to build a loving family. If you're navigating jealousy, opening a relationship, or trying to create healthier, more secure connections, you can book a free Clarity Chat with me at elleciapaine.com/chat. About the Podcast Nope, We're Not Monogamous explores the real lives of people creating love outside traditional relationship structures. Every week we have honest conversations about ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, attachment, communication, sexuality, and building relationships that feel authentic instead of automatic. Hosted by relationship coach Ellecia Paine. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rewind: Wilder on Closed Triads, Poly Families & Living Authentically, EP. 161 | 16 Jul 2026 | 01:07:28 | |
Some conversations are simply too good to leave in the archives. This week I'm re-releasing one of my favorite early episodes with my dear friend, Wilder. Even years later, this conversation feels just as relevant. We dive into what it actually looks like to build a life outside of traditional relationship norms, from joining an already-married couple to creating a thriving polyamorous family together. Wilder shares her experience of living in a closed triad, navigating the assumptions people make about triads, unpacking monogamous conditioning, and raising children in a loving, intentional polyamorous household. Whether you're curious about polyamory, already practicing ethical non-monogamy, or simply interested in questioning the relationship scripts we've all inherited, this conversation is full of honesty, vulnerability, and hope. Wilder lives in Olalla with her partners, their children, and an ever-growing collection of chickens, ducks, adventures, and beautiful chaos. In This Episode
Timestamps 2:19 – What is a closed triad? 4:20 – Labels and identity 8:24 – Transitioning into polyamory 15:03 – Authenticity and self-love 18:59 – Monogamous programming and triad dynamics 33:24 – Jealousy 44:49 – Raising kids in a polyamorous family 52:44 – The possibilities of the future 54:41 – Control versus trust 1:00:08 – Living authentically If you enjoyed this conversation, I'd love for you to share it with someone who's questioning the relationship "rules" they've always been taught. Every time we hear real stories from real people, it becomes a little easier to imagine that there are many ways to build a loving, connected life. ❤️ Thanks for listening to Nope, We're Not Monogamous. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| What Nobody Teaches You About Polycule Dynamics with Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith? | 02 Jul 2026 | 00:46:36 | |
Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners. But what happens after that? How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm joined by Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?, co-authors of Nonmonogamy and Group Dynamics, to explore what it really takes to build healthy relationship communities. We talk about why polycules function more like communities than relationship structures, how many of the skills you already use in friendships can help you navigate non-monogamy, and why curiosity is often more valuable than certainty. Whether you're part of a large polycule, have close metamour relationships, or are simply trying to build stronger connections with the people you love, this conversation is packed with practical insights. In this episode, we discuss:
One of my favorite moments from this conversation was the reminder that most of us already know more than we think we do. You've probably navigated friendship groups, family conflict, difficult conversations, changing relationships, and competing needs long before practicing non-monogamy. Those same skills are often the foundation for creating thriving polycules. Connect with Stacey and Red - Grab a copy of Nonmonogamy and Group Dynamics wherever books are sold, including audiobook format. 💜 Interested in one-on-one coaching? Enjoying the podcast? If this episode helped you, please: ⭐ Leave a rating and review 🎙 Subscribe so you never miss an episode 📲 Share this episode with a friend or partner who's navigating non-monogamy Your support helps more people discover that there are so many ways to build healthy, loving relationships. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159 | 18 Jun 2026 | 00:33:27 | |
What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules? What if it's community? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you're not as alone as you thought. They dive into what sex positivity actually means beyond the stereotypes, why community is essential for people navigating non-monogamy, kink, and alternative relationships, and how play can become a pathway to deeper intimacy and self-discovery. Whether you're brand new to this world or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to have it all figured out before you find your people. In This Episode, We Discuss:
Resources Mentioned
Connect with Jamie Love Jamie Love (she/they) is the Executive Director of Sex Positive World and an educator, facilitator, and community builder passionate about creating spaces where people can explore sexuality, relationships, consent, and connection without shame. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158 | 04 Jun 2026 | 00:27:17 | |
Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you? Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel it often creates more harm than healing. Because here's the truth: You don't have to be ecstatic. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. And neutrality is a huge win. Inside this episode, we explore: → why compersion isn't mandatory → the pressure to be the "cool" polyamorous person → how comparison and scarcity keep us stuck → the social fairy tale training that taught us love equals exclusivity → why your partner's joy doesn't erase your value → how emotional safety creates space for genuine compersion → why forcing compersion is often self-abandonment wearing glitter [laugh] Because real compersion doesn't grow from pressure. It grows from trust. From self-worth. From emotional security. From knowing that somebody else's happiness doesn't automatically threaten your place in their life. If you've ever wondered why compersion feels hard, or felt like you were failing because you weren't happy enough for your partner, this episode is for you. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Take what resonates and leave the rest. Your emotional journey gets to be uniquely yours. 💜 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157 | 22 May 2026 | 00:13:15 | |
Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong? Maybe you shut down. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jealousy without losing yourself in the process. We get into: → why jealousy conversations feel so emotionally charged Because underneath so many conflict cycles is usually something much more vulnerable: “I’m scared.” And learning how to communicate THAT instead of the panic story? That changes relationships. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs it. Take what resonates and leave the rest. 💜 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156 | 14 May 2026 | 00:18:23 | |
Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body? Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong. And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over. We get into: → why jealousy feels so physically intense → the difference between valid feelings and accurate conclusions → how to stop treating every fear like a fact → mindfulness without bypassing your emotions → building emotional resilience instead of emotional suppression Because emotional regulation isn’t about becoming emotionless. It’s about learning how to stay connected to yourself while you’re feeling something hard. If you’ve ever thought: “Why can’t I calm down?” “Why do I still spiral?” “Why does this feel so intense?” This episode is for you. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs it. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154 | 23 Apr 2026 | 00:13:07 | |
Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal. A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up. If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense, especially in non-monogamy, and what’s often really happening underneath it. We talk about: → why jealousy is a normal human emotion → the fear, comparison, and old wounds underneath it → why shame makes jealousy feel even bigger → how to start understanding what jealousy is trying to tell you If jealousy has been running the show, this is exactly why I created Beyond Jealousy, to help you feel more secure in yourself and your relationships. 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155 | 23 Apr 2026 | 00:17:59 | |
Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment? Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.” But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down. Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the connection between jealousy and boundaries, and why jealousy often gets louder when you’ve been ignoring yourself. We get into: → why jealousy is often information, not a verdict If you’ve ever struggled to ask for what you need, felt guilty having boundaries, or tried to be the “cool” partner while quietly hurting, this episode is for you. If jealousy has been running the show, this is exactly why I created Beyond Jealousy, to help you feel more secure, self-trusting, and grounded in love. 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153 | 16 Apr 2026 | 00:11:52 | |
Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build. A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else. And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the hidden cost of ignoring jealousy, especially in polyamory and open relationships, and why trying to “be chill” or push past your feelings usually creates more distance, not more security. We’re getting into: → why jealousy doesn’t stay contained to one moment If you’ve been feeling anxious in your relationship, struggling with comparison, or noticing that jealousy is quietly shaping how you show up, this episode will help you feel less alone and give you a place to start. This is for anyone navigating: 💜 If you’re ready for deeper support, check out Beyond Jealousy here: https://elleciapaine.podia.com/beyondjealousy 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152 | 09 Apr 2026 | 00:16:56 | |
There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered. The connection can be real. The feelings can be real. If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you. Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also confusing, activating, and quietly painful if you don’t have language for what’s happening. In this episode, we’re talking about: And most importantly… How to stop centering couplehood as the only way to feel loved, supported, and fully met. This episode is about staying anchored in yourself, even when the connection is strong. Because you don’t have to become the “cool, low-maintenance partner” to make this work. And you don’t have to convince yourself that less is enough. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Communication Triangles in Polyamory: The Subtle Dynamic That Creates Drama EP. 151 | 02 Apr 2026 | 00:14:43 | |
Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours? Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someone you didn’t have an issue with before? Yeah… that’s usually a communication triangle. In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in non-monogamy, why it’s so easy to fall into, and how it can quietly create tension and distortion in your relationships. We talk about the difference between venting and processing, the “emotional telephone” effect, and how to stop carrying emotional weight that was never yours to hold. And I share one of my favorite grounding practices for this: Because when communication gets cleaner, your relationships get lighter, clearer, and way more sustainable. 💜 In this episode, we get into: • What communication triangles actually are (and how to spot them) 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Showing Up Alone to a Swingers Event Changed Everything - Ep. 150 with Kate Heskett | 26 Mar 2026 | 00:34:38 | |
What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk, a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire. Kate shares what it was like to show up alone to their very first swingers hotel takeover, the anxiety, the curiosity, and the unexpected validation of finding people who see the world the way they do. We talk about what happens when monogamy never quite made sense, the messy transition into non-monogamy, and what it actually looks like to build “love-first” relationships without rigid rules. In This Episode, We Cover: → What a swingers hotel takeover is really like (beyond the fantasy) About Kate Heskett Kate Heskett (they/them) is an award-winning poet, writer, and canoe guide based in Whistler, BC. Their work has been published in Pique and The Lupine Review, and they are a contributing author in the anthology Pillow Talk: Real People. Real Stories. Real Awkward. Their story, Pineapples in the Snow, shares their first experience at a swingers hotel takeover, exploring risk, desire, and the powerful validation of finding community. Pillow Talk: Real People. Real Stories. Real Awkward. is an anthology featuring 18 writers sharing frank, funny, and deeply human stories about intimacy, desire, and the moments we don’t usually talk about. From awkward encounters to moments of joy and self-discovery, this book helps normalize the full spectrum of human experience. 👉 Grab the book + leave a review to help these stories reach more people 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Metamours, Friendship, and the Myth of Instant Kitchen Table Polyamory, EP. 149 | 19 Mar 2026 | 00:14:21 | |
What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safety, this conversation offers grounded insight for anyone navigating polyamory, open relationships, or complex love dynamics. You’ll learn why authentic metamour relationships grow through shared experiences over time, not performance or obligation, and how to build connection in ways that feel sustainable for your real life. Whether you’re new to non-monogamy or deep in your journey, this episode will help you release unrealistic expectations and create more compassionate, conscious relationship dynamics. In this episode we explore: • What kitchen table polyamory really means (and common misconceptions) 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| NRE: Why New Relationship Energy Feels So Good (and Why You Should Slow Down) EP. 148 | 12 Mar 2026 | 00:20:47 | |
New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your brain and body during those early stages of attraction, and why the dopamine-fueled excitement of a new connection can make people feel euphoric, obsessive, and sometimes a little reckless. You’ll learn: • The brain chemistry behind NRE Ellecia also explores why NRE shouldn’t be villainized, and how to enjoy the spark of a new connection without burning through it or destabilizing your existing relationships. Because NRE isn’t the problem. But awareness, pacing, and communication make all the difference. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Resentment Is a Boundary Problem (And It’s Not What You Think) | 26 Feb 2026 | 00:24:14 | |
If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you. In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication. It’s usually about boundaries. Specifically:
So many people in ethical non-monogamy confuse boundaries with rules, agreements, or ultimatums. When that happens, resentment builds quietly under the surface. In this episode, we explore the difference between:
If you’ve ever tried to be the “cool partner,” agreed to something you weren’t actually okay with, or said “I’m fine” when you weren’t… this conversation will help you see what resentment is really pointing to. Because resentment isn’t random. It’s information. And it might be telling you it’s time to stop bulldozing yourself in the name of being evolved. 💜 In This Episode We Cover:
Want to Go Deeper? I created a Patreon-only ENM Boundary Reset to help you walk through:
If you’re ready for implementation and integration, get it at www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Poly Agony: The Mistakes, Repair, and Reality of Raising Kids While Open with Candace Sogren | 19 Feb 2026 | 00:40:25 | |
Non-monogamy isn’t just more love. It’s more feelings, more conversations, and sometimes… a lot more processing. In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and author of Poly Agony. She’s been ethically non-monogamous for over 20 years, raising a child in community, building non-traditional family structures, and living this life fully out loud. And we’re not talking about the cute, Instagram version of polyamory. We’re talking about the mistakes. The broken agreements. The repair conversations. The parenting realities. And what it actually takes to make this sustainable. We get into: → The most common mistakes couples make when opening → Why repair matters more than perfection → Raising kids in open relationships without shame → Transparency vs. disclosure (especially with children) → Introducing partners in healthy, grounded ways → The emotional labor of loving more than one person Candace also shares a powerful story about advocating for non-traditional families after being denied custody of children because of her polyamorous identity. This episode is for you if you’re opening a relationship, parenting while poly, or just trying to build something that actually fits your heart. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Needs vs Wants in Non-Monogamy: There’s No Prize for Needing Less EP.145 | 12 Feb 2026 | 00:20:00 | |
Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy? If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it. In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more. There’s no prize for needing less. What You’ll Learn • Why “needs vs wants” is the wrong question to ask 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Real Glow-Up: Self-Love, Desire, and Ethical Non-Monogamy with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, EP. 144 | 05 Feb 2026 | 00:39:04 | |
Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating. A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self-worth. If you’ve ever thought: This episode is for you. Relationship coach Ellecia Paine talks with clinical sexologist and therapist Dr. Joy Berkheimer about confidence, desire, body image, attachment, and emotional regulation in ethical non-monogamy. Together they explore how ENM can become a path toward deeper self-trust, sexual empowerment, and real self-love. This conversation blends therapy, lived experience, and practical wisdom for women navigating open relationships, polyamory, and personal growth. 🔥 In this episode, you’ll learn: • How Dr. Joy discovered non-monogamy through swinging and polyamory 👤 About Dr. Joy Berkheimer Dr. Joy Berkheimer is a clinical sexologist, licensed therapist, and relationship coach who helps women reconnect with desire, confidence, and embodied self-trust. Instagram: @glowyourgoddess 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Saying Yes to Non-Monogamy with Natalie Davis, EP. 143 | 29 Jan 2026 | 00:46:12 | |
What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned… but something you found your way into? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy. Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, and how that path eventually led to building a chosen family that includes her partner and her metamour, all living together under one roof. This conversation is honest, nuanced, and especially validating if you didn’t start non-monogamy feeling confident, enlightened, or “built for this.” We talk about how safety is created over time, why early rules aren’t a failure, and what actually helps relationships evolve without burning everything down. In This Episode, We Explore:
Where to Find Natalie
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Jealousy Is Shame in Disguise (And That Changes Everything) Ep. 142 | 22 Jan 2026 | 00:11:46 | |
Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure. And it’s almost never about your partner. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist: the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame. Both are rooted in scarcity. Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss. And both get way more painful when we shame ourselves for feeling them. In this episode, you’ll learn:
Ellecia also shares why she’s been diving deeper into financial education, and how living outside the box, in relationships, careers, and family structures, requires us to build security intentionally instead of relying on default scripts. If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I like this?” when jealousy shows up, this episode offers a compassionate reframe that might change everything. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| When Honesty Isn’t Enough: The Missing Piece of Emotional Safety in Open Relationships, EP. 141 | 15 Jan 2026 | 00:12:11 | |
We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy. But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t feel that way? In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in non-monogamous relationships, and what real validation actually looks like. We explore jealousy, insecurity, nervous system safety, and why being corrected instead of received makes it harder to open up over time. If you’ve ever felt shut down after sharing your feelings, or noticed yourself fixing instead of listening, this episode is for you. 💜 Want support navigating non-monogamy with more safety and clarity? 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Before You Open: The 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Ready Yet, EP. 140 | 08 Jan 2026 | 00:14:31 | |
Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down. Dating separately can be incredibly powerful, but only when your relationship has the foundation to support it. When there’s unresolved hurt, shaky communication, nervous system overwhelm, or fear being managed through control, opening up tends to magnify those issues instead of solving them. I walk you through five signs it might be worth pausing before opening, not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because building capacity first can save a lot of pain later. This episode is about honesty, safety, and learning how to go deep before you go wide. Healthy non-monogamy isn’t built by rushing. It’s built by trust, self-awareness, and emotional skill. 🎧 This episode pairs with Episode 138, Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving Polyamory as a Couple. If you want support building a solid foundation before opening, you can learn more about my one-on-one coaching program, Breaking Free From Monogamy. And if this episode resonated, please subscribe, rate, or leave a review. It helps more people find the show and tells me this work is landing. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| How to Talk to a Partner Who Insists on OPP, Forced Triads, or “We Only Date Together” EP. 139 | 25 Dec 2025 | 00:17:41 | |
What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules? Only dating women. Only forming a triad. Only dating together as a couple. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turning the conversation into a power struggle. This episode is a continuation of Episode 138, where we explored why dating separately is such an important growth tool in polyamory. Episode 139 focuses on the communication skills needed when a partner feels scared of autonomy and uses structure to manage fear. In this episode, you’ll learn:
This episode is for anyone navigating ethical non monogamy, polyamory, or opening a relationship and feeling stuck around rules, jealousy, or control. 🎧 Listen now and continue the conversation started in Episode 138. If you want deeper support, learn more about Ellecia’s one-on-one coaching program Breaking Free From Monogamy using the link in the show notes. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving Polyamory as a Couple, EP. 138 | 18 Dec 2025 | 00:45:51 | |
Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy. For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. So it makes sense that a lot of people try to avoid that discomfort by insisting on dating together, only pursuing triads, or creating rules that keep everything tightly controlled. In this episode, I break down why dating separately is about building autonomy, emotional maturity, and real trust rather than abandoning your partner or weakening your relationship, You’ll hear why dating together often feels safer at first, how monogamous conditioning shapes those instincts, and why avoiding separate dating can actually keep couples stuck in fear-based patterns that undermine connection over time. This episode lays the foundation for understanding why autonomy matters in ethical non-monogamy, and why learning to handle discomfort is a necessary part of building sustainable, healthy relationships. If you’ve ever thought “dating separately feels like too much” or “we’ll just do this together so it’s safer,” this conversation is for you. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Taboo Side of Non-Monogamy: Pleasure, Healing, and Desire with Sharon Marie Scott | 11 Dec 2025 | 00:58:37 | |
What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look? In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, and ethical non-monogamy. Sharon’s work bridges mysticism, sensual embodiment, psychology, and the sacred-erotic arts… and this episode goes deep in the best possible ways. We explore the intersections of taboo, desire, jealousy, sovereignty, trauma healing, and erotic awakening, especially within the context of non-monogamy. Sharon shares her journey from early monogamy to swinging, polyamory, kink, and ultimately a full spiritual and sensual awakening. She brings a level of clarity, honesty, and grounded erotic wisdom that you can feel in your body while listening. If you’ve ever wrestled with jealousy, judged your own desires, struggled with people-pleasing, or felt confused about what pleasure even looks like when you’ve lived most of your life in survival mode… this episode is going to be a revelation. Find Sharon’s work, writing, and upcoming events at: 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Relationship Skills That Actually Matter in Non-Monogamy with Dr. Dan Sneider Ep. 136 | 27 Nov 2025 | 00:45:32 | |
If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive. Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety. We get into the skills that truly make the biggest difference, including: • How to communicate without spiraling • How to know when you’re going too fast • How to tell old baggage from a real relationship issue • The 5 to 1 positivity ratio and why it matters • What emotional safety feels like in your body • How to navigate the sex and feelings part of non-monogamy without gaslighting each other • Why “go slow to go fast” works every single time Whether you’re opening up, rebuilding trust, or trying to deepen connection, this episode gives you practical, usable tools you can apply right away. 📍 Work with Dr. Dan: intimacyshift.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| You Can’t Logic Your Way Out of Jealousy (But You’ll Definitely Try) Ep. 135 | 20 Nov 2025 | 00:21:27 | |
Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling? You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.” This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe. In this solo episode, I share my own “self-help fails,” the moment I realized you can’t out-think a trauma response, and what actually does help when jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity hit hard in non-monogamous relationships. We’ll talk about what it means to stop fixing and start feeling, to breathe, laugh, and build emotional safety in real time, one micro-moment at a time. What You’ll Learn
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rethinking “Success” in Polyamory with Jessica Morgenthaler Ep. 134 | 13 Nov 2025 | 00:47:39 | |
Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever? Yeah… hard pass. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default. Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overthinker a lot). We dig into: → What it means to be a solo polyamorous relationship anarchist with a nesting partner (and how to deconstruct couple’s privilege without losing connection) → Why assumptions, not agreements, are usually what trip us up → How a “relationship user manual” can transform communication, accountability, and self-awareness → And why success in love isn’t about forever, it’s about authenticity, gratitude, and the courage to keep showing up → We also talk about aging, community care, and how to stop outsourcing all your emotional needs to one person (spoiler: your friends deserve a spot on your living will). This conversation is funny, honest, and deeply human, the kind that leaves you breathing a little deeper and feeling less alone in how messy and beautiful relationships can be. Connect with Jessica Morgenthaler, LICSWA, CCTP-I → ICU Transformative Consulting LLC www.icutransform.org 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate Against the Monogamous with Jana Danielson | 06 Nov 2025 | 00:36:58 | |
What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor? This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every body. We talk about the 14 muscles that literally make or break pleasure, why so many people struggle with tension or numbness “down there,” and how breathwork, movement, and curiosity can completely transform your sensual life. Whether you’re poly, monogamous, or somewhere beautifully in-between, this conversation will help you reconnect with your body, your desire, and your pleasure—because honestly, you deserve to feel amazing in your skin. 💎 In this episode: 💖 Learn more about Jana or get the Cooch Ball at https://bloombetter.life/ellecia 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132 | 30 Oct 2025 | 00:36:51 | |
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame) → Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down → Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours → Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside. Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why You Can’t Just Talk Your Way Out of Jealousy in Polyamory (And What Actually Helps) Ep. 131 | 23 Oct 2025 | 00:31:27 | |
You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion. So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house? In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system. We’ll explore:
If your brain says “I’m fine” but your body says “I’m not safe,” this one’s for you. 💨 Free breathwork tool mentioned in the episode: https://www.elleciapaine.com/bliss 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Rewriting Your Relationship Code: Ditching the Defaults for Real Freedom, Ep. 130 | 02 Oct 2025 | 00:17:15 | |
Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU. So many of us grew up believing myths like:
The problem? These defaults often create shame, confusion, and conflict in non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn the 5 steps to rewriting your relationship code so you can experience real freedom:
By the end, you’ll see how rewriting your defaults allows you to show up with more confidence, clarity, and joy in every connection. What you’ll take away from this episode:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Relationship Anxiety in Polyamory: It’s Not Just You, Ep. 129 | 25 Sep 2025 | 00:25:07 | |
Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down:
If you're tired of people telling you to “just be secure,” and ready for practical, compassionate tools instead… this one's for you. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Polyamory Trap of Finding Different Partners to Fill Different Needs, Ep. 128 | 18 Sep 2025 | 00:16:20 | |
Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every emotional gap, it backfires. Instead of feeling fulfilled, we multiply our insecurities, create pressure on new relationships, and leave our existing partners feeling like they’re not enough. 👉 In this episode, you’ll learn:
Polyamory isn’t about finding enough people to complete you. It’s about cultivating wholeness within yourself so every relationship becomes a choice — not a patch for what’s missing. ✨ Listen now and start creating the kind of polyamorous relationships that feel sustainable, nourishing, and fun. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Polyamory’s Biggest Struggle Isn’t Jealousy — It’s Scheduling, EP. 127 | 11 Sep 2025 | 00:53:17 | |
Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar. After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he decided to do something about it, and created PYE, a scheduling and consent management app designed specifically for the polyamorous community. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Richie and I dig into:
If you’ve ever juggled multiple Google Calendars, forgotten to communicate a boundary, or lost a relationship to logistics overwhelm — this one’s for you. 👉 Learn more about PYE and grab one of the free-for-life beta spots at www.lovepye.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Midlife, Menopause & Non-Monogamy: Reclaiming Pleasure, Power & Desire with Carla Wainwright EP. 126 | 04 Sep 2025 | 00:37:07 | |
What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, polyamory, and rewriting the love scripts we didn’t ask for. Carla shares why:
We also get real about: ✔️ What non-monogamy looks like in midlife ✔️ Why menopause can actually increase desire and sexual energy ✔️ How pleasure and presence help regulate hormones and deepen connection ✔️ Why this stage of life is a portal into power, clarity, and turn-on If you ever think, “I don’t know what I want, but I know it isn’t this,” this conversation will remind you: you’re not broken, you were born lovable, and you get to want what you want. 👉 Don’t miss Carla’s Just the Tip segment, available exclusively on Patreon at patreon.com/notmonogamous. Become a friend with benefits and get access to the spicier stuff. 🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Brutal Truth About Open Relationships, Ep. 125 | 28 Aug 2025 | 00:33:07 | |
Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late. As a relationship coach, I’ve seen the glossy fantasy and the gritty reality. Spoiler: opening your relationship isn’t a shortcut to freedom — it’s a crash course in radical honesty, emotional intelligence, and navigating fears you thought you buried years ago. Whether you’re just poly-curious or already in the thick of it, this episode will give you the clarity and tools you need to decide if non-monogamy is really for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Patriarchy and Polyamory — Unpacking Power, Gender, and ENM with Cass Banker, Ep. 124 | 21 Aug 2025 | 00:57:36 | |
What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy. We talk about:
Cass also shares their own polyamory journey — the mistakes, the heartbreaks, and the moments of beauty that make it all worth it. And yes, they drop a Just the Tip bonus for better sex that will change how you listen to your partner’s body. Whether you’re new to polyamory, deep into your ENM life, or just curious how gender and power dynamics shape love, this conversation will give you language, insight, and maybe a few “ouch” moments worth sitting with. Follow Cass: TikTok: @cas_of_the_void 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Cost of Shrinking: When Monogamy Doesn’t Fit, Ep. 123 | 14 Aug 2025 | 00:20:22 | |
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you. I’m getting real about my own story—how I contorted myself in my first marriage until I barely recognized who I was, why I stayed way too long, and how my second marriage turned into something more honest, more spacious, and more us once I stopped shrinking and started telling the truth. We’re diving into:
If you’ve ever thought you’re “too much” for wanting more—more love, more connection, more you—this one’s your permission slip to stop twisting yourself into a shape you don’t even recognize. Links & Resources:
Share the Love: If this episode hit home, send it to your partner, your best friend, or that one person who’s definitely tired of playing small. Let’s stop pretending everything’s fine and start talking about what love could look like when it actually fits. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Leaving Purity Culture, Finding Non-Monogamy: Healing, Desire & Autonomy with Leah Carey, Ep. 122 | 07 Aug 2025 | 00:55:02 | |
What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems: → The floodgates of curiosity open—and suddenly queerness, kink, and non-monogamy are on the table. We dig into:
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just be normal about love and sex?” this episode will remind you—you’re not broken. You just weren’t given a roadmap. And you get to write a new one. Links & Resources:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why Finding Your People Changes Everything in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 121 | 31 Jul 2025 | 00:26:34 | |
In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, and why tolerating your truth isn’t the same as honoring it. You’ll learn:
Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is your reminder that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself to feel worthy of support. You just need the right people who meet you with curiosity, not correction. 🔗 Resources & Links:
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going: If this episode gave your nervous system a big ol’ exhale, leave a review or share it with a fellow polyam pal who needs to feel seen too. And don’t forget to subscribe—because your support helps this show keep doing its thing. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| You’re Not Wrong for Wanting More: Let’s End That Lie, Ep. 120 | 24 Jul 2025 | 00:14:29 | |
Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from monogamy culture. 🔍 We’re unpacking:
✨ If you’ve been asking yourself, “Am I selfish for wanting more?” or “Would they still want others if I were enough?”—this one’s for you. And spoiler: no, you're not selfish. You're self-aware. Mentioned in this episode: 👉 My 3-month coaching program Breaking Free From Monogamy—for folks ready to stop surviving and start creating love on your terms. Learn more at elleciapaine.com If this episode made your heart exhale… ➡️ Leave a review. ➡️ Share it with someone who needs to hear it. ➡️ Or DM me on Instagram @elleciapaine and tell me what hit. Because you’re not too much. You’re just ready to stop pretending crumbs are enough. And that? That’s the beginning of something real. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Your Brain Gets Polyamory—But What About Your Body? Ep. 119 | 17 Jul 2025 | 01:05:00 | |
So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your prefrontal cortex is—and what you can actually do about it. We cover:
Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, in a polycule, or still figuring it out—this episode is a must-listen if you want more ease, embodiment, and nervous system support in your non-monogamous journey. 💌 Learn more about the retreat: 👉 https://multiamory.com/retreat September 22–25, 2025 | Northern Spain | Sliding scale available 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Creating Sexy, Safe, and Soulful Community with Jamie Love, Ep. 118 | 10 Jul 2025 | 00:44:53 | |
What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover:
If you’re curious about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, radical consent, or how to make friends (and maybe lovers) outside the mainstream—this episode is for you. 🔗 LEARN MORE 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||