Explore every episode of the podcast Nope! We're Not Monogamous
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate Against the Monogamous with Jana Danielson | 06 Nov 2025 | 00:38:42 | |
What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor? This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every body. We talk about the 14 muscles that literally make or break pleasure, why so many people struggle with tension or numbness “down there,” and how breathwork, movement, and curiosity can completely transform your sensual life. Whether you’re poly, monogamous, or somewhere beautifully in-between, this conversation will help you reconnect with your body, your desire, and your pleasure—because honestly, you deserve to feel amazing in your skin. 💎 In this episode: 💖 Learn more about Jana or get the Cooch Ball at https://bloombetter.life/ellecia FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132 | 30 Oct 2025 | 00:38:35 | |
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame) → Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down → Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours → Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside. Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Cost of Shrinking: When Monogamy Doesn’t Fit, Ep. 123 | 14 Aug 2025 | 00:20:22 | |
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you. I’m getting real about my own story—how I contorted myself in my first marriage until I barely recognized who I was, why I stayed way too long, and how my second marriage turned into something more honest, more spacious, and more us once I stopped shrinking and started telling the truth. We’re diving into:
If you’ve ever thought you’re “too much” for wanting more—more love, more connection, more you—this one’s your permission slip to stop twisting yourself into a shape you don’t even recognize. Links & Resources:
Share the Love: If this episode hit home, send it to your partner, your best friend, or that one person who’s definitely tired of playing small. Let’s stop pretending everything’s fine and start talking about what love could look like when it actually fits. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Finding Yourself in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 32 | 07 Sep 2022 | 00:49:03 | |
I am so excited to share with you this conversation with Emily Gindlesparger. Emily is the author of Please Make Me Love Me, an intimate memoir of opening her relationship, coming into a queer identity, forming multiple intense, long-term relationships, and ultimately, learning to live by her own terms. She expresses herself so beautifully and, in this conversation, shares from such a heartfelt place her journey from monogamy to non-monogamy to monogamy, and finding herself along the way. Professionally, Emily is a book coach and ghostwriter at Scribe Media, where she helps authors tackle the emotional journey of writing, tap into the wisdom of their experience, and share it with the world. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Emily? 📚 Books mentioned: ● Please Make Me Love Me: A Memoir, by Emily Gindelsparger 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!! 👀 Find Us Online Credits About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, ki FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Good Girls Talk About Non-Monogamy, with Leah Carey, Ep. 31 | 11 Aug 2022 | 01:01:31 | |
This week I am talking to Leah Carey. Leah is a sex and intimacy coach and she's the host of Good Girls Talk About Sex. We talk about her evolution from someone who didn't talk about sex and who was very sexually repressed to someone who talks about sex a lot, very publicly. We also talk a lot about learning to share your needs and she shares her experiences and a tool for you to try at home! Leah works with people to explore new avenues of their sexuality and fulfill their greatest desires like diving back into the dating pool after a long time away, or having first time queer experiences, or investigating consensual non monogamy or learning how to communicate about kink. Her superpower is radical empathy. She reflects your true sexual nature back to you without judgment, so you can see yourself without shame. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Leah? www.Leahcarey.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!! 👀 Find Us Online Credits About Us FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Boundaries for Building Safety and Trust, Ep. 30 | 28 Jul 2022 | 01:05:31 | |
Today I am giving you a sneak peek into our community Facebook group, also called Nope, We're Not Monogamous and a workshop we had last week! In that workshop, Elizabeth Claire de Lune and I explored boundaries. We talk about rules and agreements versus boundaries, why we often don't develop a good sense for our boundaries and why safety is important for healthy relationships with yourself and with others. Elizabeth Clair de Lune helps humans at all stages of the divorce process - navigating the dissolution, building the resilience and new identity afterwards, and creating what’s next after you’ve found your footing again. She shows you how to harvest the lessons of high conflict, difficult experiences so that you can have the resilient backbone you need to offer your heart fully. Leave a review and let us know what you think or get exclusives by joining our Patreon. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Elizabeth Clare de Lune on Facebook or her website, www.elizabethclairdelune.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!! 👀 Find Us Online FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Honing Your Desires in Polyamory, Ep. 29 | 14 Jul 2022 | 00:56:41 | |
This week I’m talking with my friend, Ashley Thibodaux. Ashley helps women find safety to rest in and believes that the only way to speed up is to slow down. We talk a lot about how to find safety in your relationship choices and how to create a list of non-negotiables, boundaries, and requirements of what you need in your relationships. Ashley leads programs, 1:1 coaching, fitness + rest classes rooted in creating safety in the body and coming home to your heart. Her mission is to deepen her connection with herself therefore creating deeper relationships with others. Then, she guides women to do the same. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Ashley? 📚 Books mentioned: ● The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Get free shipping on my favorite toys!! 👀 Find Us Online About US FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Is non-monogamy written in your DNA?, Ep. 28 | 30 Jun 2022 | 00:52:23 | |
What the heck is human design and what could it possibly have to do with my relationships? I've worked with Amber for about six months, and the information that I got was so validating; for my relationships, for my business, and for my parenting. It was kind of mind blowing to have someone speak out loud, all of these pieces of me that I kind of knew were there, but I hadn't put into words. If you have any curiosity about human design, and what it might have to do with your relationships, a big piece of this is self acceptance and validation. And we all know that this is the key to moving through relationships, especially non monogamous relationships in a way that keeps us feeling loved and safe and connected. Amber Keyes is a Business Success Mentor who began her Human Design journey in 2014. She is deeply passionate about this system as the quintessential tool for all things business, and loves weaving her expertise in simplified business strategy, emotional regulation tools, mindset, and human design to help her clients create THEIR life, and THEIR business, on THEIR terms. She says the best thing about her work is watching her clients unsubscribe from unhelpful societal shoulds and step fully into their creative power, especially when it comes to making money doing what they love. When she isn't helping her clients with confidence, clarity, or consistent sustainable income, she is walking her dog, making memories with her son, and enjoying the life that her business affords her. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Amber? Join me in my Facebook Group, Your Life, Your Biz, Your Way With Human Design Use Code NOPE for $111 off a 90-Minute Human Design Discovery Session 📚 Tools mentioned: FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Sexy, Confident Non-Monogamy, Ep. 27 | 16 Jun 2022 | 00:35:04 | |
I'm talking to Tia Lynn, the Sexy Biz Babe who helps women own their confidence and power in the bedroom and the boardroom. We have a really great conversation around overcoming shame, enjoying things for yourself, and experiencing compersion. Tia helps online female entrepreneurs stand out in a crowded market by owning their Purpose, Pleasure, and Power, so that they can organically attract more clients with ease. Her methods are known to increase self-confidence, income, and to have the best sex of their life! 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Tia? 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online Credits About US Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Lazy Successful Non-Monogamy, Ep. 26 | 02 Jun 2022 | 00:55:19 | |
As we all know, the mental health impact of the pandemic combined with the process of opening up a monogamous, long term marriage can create a lot of challenges to overcome. Today we're talking about unwinding codependency, some of the mismatch that came up in the speed at which each of them wanted to open the relationship, some jealousy, fitting it into life while raising kids and running a business, and so much more. Today I'm talking to Rachel Symington, aka the successful lazy bitch, and her husband Greg. They live in rural Kentucky with their two little kids and have been married for over a decade. They decided to become non-monogamous the summer of 2021, and have been exploring all of the aspects that come along with that. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Rachel? 📚 Books mentioned: ● And That’s Their Family, by Kailee Coleman 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps peo FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Importance of Self-Consent, Ep 25 | 19 May 2022 | 00:44:39 | |
Today I'm talking with the world's most interesting podcast guest, Chuck Copenspire. We talk about my favorite topic, relationships and non monogamy and near the end we explore self-consent and the power of being in tune with your body. Chuck Copenspire is a former life coach, dominatrix, animator, programmer, and woman. They're currently a trans masculine, non binary human, forager, tech optimizer, friend, neighbor, relationship autonomist, and solo parent. Their goals are–to be on as many podcasts as possible, to foster or adopt as many arthropods and vertebrates or other creepy crawlies as possible, to collect a jar of a billionaire tears generated by their ability to connect sincerely and deeply in the moment and help them connect with their benevolent power and humanity, and to inspire people who feel like they don't belong to find their truest expression and the people that resonate with it. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Chuck? -Website: https://chuckcopenspire.carrd.co/ -Spicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/possibillionaire6x/ -Wholesome Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/a.beaut.iful.mess/ -LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/ -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chucknspire -Twitter: https://twitter.com/Chuckenspire -TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@your.pansexual.crisis -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4RWdxJSuIasguMtkVGE8SQ 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Growing Through Jealousy, Ep. 24 | 05 May 2022 | 01:11:36 | |
We're talking all about jealousy in non monogamy and how to process all these really hard complicated feelings and move through them without blowing up your relationships. My dear friend Wilder is joining me today and you might remember her from episode four of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, Wilder is in a closed triad with a married couple and gets to experience all of these feelings of essentially being the third person in an established relationship and moves through it so beautifully. She is sharing a lot of the ways that she's done that and I share a lot of my own experiences of being someone who is in a marriage that brought more people into it and the feelings of jealousy from that side. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online Credits About US FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Navigating the Biggest Pitfalls of Open Relationships, Ep. 23 | 21 Apr 2022 | 00:50:58 | |
I'm talking to Shai and Lea today, the creators of the Secure Poly Collective about the biggest pitfalls of open relationships and I'm really excited to share this with you because they have so many wonderful tools and ideas. They share with you about how to feel more safe, seen and loved while also having the freedom to explore open relationship adventures that lead to fulfilling growth and healing and service to others. Shai and Lea are considered two of the go-to people for ethical non-monogamy education. They've built a worldwide brand that includes both a Free and Membership Based Community, Dating,Events, Education & Coaching. Their mission is to help partners thrive, not just survive, in conscious open relationships using their signature Eco-AmoryTM philosophy. What differentiates Lea and Shai in their teachings is that they see conscious non-monogamy as a vehicle for deep healing and personal growth. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Shai and Lea
📚 Books mentioned:
FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Leaving Purity Culture, Finding Non-Monogamy: Healing, Desire & Autonomy with Leah Carey, Ep. 122 | 07 Aug 2025 | 00:56:46 | |
What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems: → The floodgates of curiosity open—and suddenly queerness, kink, and non-monogamy are on the table. We dig into:
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just be normal about love and sex?” this episode will remind you—you’re not broken. You just weren’t given a roadmap. And you get to write a new one. Links & Resources:
FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Epic Communication with the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships, Ep 22 | 07 Apr 2022 | 00:50:13 | |
Kate Loree is a sex positive Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a specialty in non monogamous, kink, LGBTQ and sex worker communities. Kate and I discuss attachment styles, her epic communication system, and the importance of somatic tracking when you're making decisions in non monogamous relationships. Kate is a certified sex educator and an EMDR certified therapist with additional training and trauma resiliency model for the treatment of trauma. She's been practicing psychotherapy since 2003. And she's also the co host of her own sex positive podcast Open Deeply with Sunny Megatron. She's a frequent public speaker, and she is also an author of what I think will be a best selling book, Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious Compassionate Open Relationships. This book tackles a lot of the difficult challenges that are posed by non monogamous relationships. She is sharing stories from her own life as well as her clients experiences to illustrate the highs and lows and in-betweens of life. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Kate? https://kateloree.com/ Instagram http://instagram.com/opendeeplywithkateloree TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@opendeeplywithkateloree?lang=en Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kateloreelmft Twitter http://twitter.com/kateloreelmft 📚 Books mentioned: FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Starting Out Strong: First Steps to ENM, Ep. 21 | 24 Mar 2022 | 00:56:09 | |
This week I am speaking with Dr. Joli Hamilton. This is one of my favorite episodes that I've recorded yet. Meeting someone whose journey feels so similar to my own is so validating and is really what I hope to provide for so many of you the listeners. Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT (pronounced ay-sect) certified sex educator. Joli’s also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur's Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love and host of the Project Relationship podcast. She has spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Dr. Joli? Grab her top 5 Relationship Guides here 📚 Books mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Vikings, Vulnerability, and Polyamory, Ep. 20 | 10 Mar 2022 | 01:00:00 | |
Today, I am speaking with Ragnar, the modern viking! He shares with us his Viking longship analogy about relationships and my mind was kind of blown. We also get into how polyamory helped him break the cycle of abuse and become a much more vulnerable human and his personal journey of identifying as and coming out as a polyamorous person. Ragnar Craigsson is a Trauma-Informed Mindset coach specializing in teaching driven individuals how to choose the most effective behaviors for accomplishing their goals. Ragnar focuses on self-determined behavioral modification through his coaching system, GoingAViking. The GAV coaching system combines ancient wisdom with modern psychology to teach you how to custom design a mindset capable of Radical Acceptance, Iron Resilience, Post-Traumatic Growth, and Lasting relationships. Ragnar is a proud Solo-Polyamorous LGBTQIA+ Ally sapiophile and part of the kink/BDSM community. He has extensive experience with interpersonal trauma, and uses that experience combined with rigorous self-study to help others dealing with the same adversity to laugh through the storm and be less alone on the other side of their journey. Ragnar also lives a Modern Viking Lifestyle, from participating in Viking Age historical reenactment to living each and everyday applying ancient wisdom from the Havamal he attempts to channel the spirit of the Viking Age into his life and passion for his clients. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Ragnar? Instagram: @Ragnarthemodernviking Facebook Business Page: https://www.facebook.com/Ragnarthemodernviking Email:ragnarthemodernviking@asgardinvestmentsllc.com 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Diversity and Equity in Non-Monogamous Communities, Ep. 19 | 24 Feb 2022 | 00:34:47 | |
Today I'm talking with Crystal Byrd Farmer, a polyamorous speaker and writer from Gastonia, North Carolina. We talked about her book, The Token - Common Sense Ideas for Increasing Diversity in Your Organization, and how to do the work to have more inclusive communities. Plus loads of good stuff about polyamory, solo poly, BDSM, and more! Crystal is the former website editor of Black and Poly, an online community for black people exploring non monogamy. She also serves as a board member with the foundation for intentional communities and the BIPOC intentional community council. Her book The Token: Common Sense Ideas for Increasing Diversity in Your Organization, is out now. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a 5 star review or a sweet note. Want to connect with Crystal? 📚 Books mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website
FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Astrology and Non-Monogamy, Ep. 18 | 10 Feb 2022 | 00:51:27 | |
Today I'm talking to Brooke Underwood, aka Oracle Brooke about the ebbs and flows of relationships as a metaphor for what's going on in each person's natal birth chart and non traditional relationships and the exploratory tendencies that are seen in people's birth charts. This conversation was super fascinating for me as it goes much deeper than anything I've ever talked about or learned in astrology. Brooke Underwood aka Oracle Brooke, is a Master Intuitive Channel, Embodied Astrologist and Spiritual Mentor who has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs and creatives shift limiting unconscious beliefs and inner conflict patterns so they can connect to their intuitive truth and live a life they love. She utilizes the ancient healing arts of Western & Vedic Astrology, Psychic Channeling and Hypnotherapy so her clients can amplify their soul mission while staying in symbiosis with their pure embodiment - in love with their life and business. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Brooke? www.brooke-underwood.com https://www.instagram.com/brookeunderwoodofficial/ 📚 Books mentioned: ● Pluto: The Evolutionary Journey of the Soul, by Jeff Green 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| A Unicorn's Story, EP 17 | 27 Jan 2022 | 00:40:30 | |
My guest today is talking about her first ever visit to a sex club, her first ever polyamorous experience as a unicorn, and the biggest lessons she’s learned this last year in her journey to ethical non-monogamy. Kelsie Riffey can be found by day domming the business world, assisting high achieving women and scaling their businesses to seven figures and beyond, and by night you can find her on the middle of the dance floor hips swaying, fully liberated and expressed. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Kelsie? 📚 Books mentioned: ● Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Pillars of Polyamory with Deana Tanner, EP 16 | 13 Jan 2022 | 00:46:16 | |
Today, I talk with Deana Tanner about the five main pillars of polyamory: autonomy, personal responsibility, boundaries, effective communication and understanding emotions. We talk about growing up polyamorous, creating healthy relationships, and how to identify what you really want to make informed decisions. Deana Tanner has taken her 20 years of experience in leadership education and converted it to real world personal growth and development coaching for the queer and polyamorous communities. After starting out her marriage in a form of non-monogamy and radically progressing to full blow polyamory she became keenly aware of not just the lack of healthy relationship standards in the polyamorous and queer communities, but a serious lack of polyamory and queer informed professional services. She firmly maintains that the skills she uses with her clients is merely just the shit we should have learned in school. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Deana Tanner Website: https://www.practicalpolyamorycoaching.com/ @Practical_Polyamory on TikTok Practical Polyamory Growth Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/877583006185319 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia Getting It on In a Group - Intentional Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes Course 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. Ellecia Paine is a non-mon FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Swinger Events and Hotel Takeovers with Ying Ying Lee, EP. 15 | 30 Dec 2021 | 00:56:06 | |
Today I am talking with Ying Ying Lee. Ying Ying founded SOP Lifestyle Productions, with a vision to create fun, unique & sensual getaways and vacations where attendees can be comfortable exploring new things and expanding their knowledge and experiences. We talk about her journey to non monogamy, the spectrum from swinging to polyamorous, what happens inside a hotel takeover, and she answers the questions we get asked most frequently about swinger events! SOP stands for Swinger, Open, Poly, and her events are inclusive of everyone in the Lifestyle, from Swinger to Open to Poly to Kink, and more, regardless of ages, gender and backgrounds; singles, couples and more are welcome. SOP Lifestyle Productions' signature event is a complete hotel Takeover, the Winter Lifestyle Takeover every November and they are expanding their offerings to include the Tropical Lifestyle Takeover, the Summer Lifestyle Takeover, the Europe Lifestyle Takeover, Signature Experiences, Lifestyle Vacations, and other fun lifestyle events in Canada and around the world. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Ying Ying Lee? https://swingeropenpoly.com/ https://www.facebook.com/SOPLifestyleProductions 📚 Books mentioned: ● Ethical Slut, by Janet Hardy 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Taming The Green Eyed Monster, Jealousy Ep.14 | 02 Dec 2021 | 00:52:35 | |
In today’s episode, I'm sharing with you a recent workshop I did on taming the green eyed monster, jealousy. I'm talking to you about the overwhelming primal fear that takes over when you're feeling jealous and how to work through it without blowing up your relationships in the process, going from panic to calm and rational from feeling sure that you're being betrayed to feeling confidence and inner peace. You will get loads of resources and nuggets so you can learn from my experience. I made a lot of mistakes in my relationships and in my journey from monogamy to non monogamy. I believe that I made them so that I can teach you the right way to do it because you shouldn't have to repeat my mistakes. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. 📚 Books mentioned: ● Polysecure by Jessica Fern 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challen FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Sexual Safety in Non-Monogamy Ep. 13 | 18 Nov 2021 | 00:56:47 | |
In today’s episode I have the pleasure of speaking with Evelin Dacker. We have a juicy conversation on creating sexual safety in non-monogamy. She tackles the most asked questions from my listeners on STIs, new relationship energy and she breaks down STARS, and how she uses it to create healthy relationships and communication around sex. Evelin Dacker is a sex-positive Integrative Family Medicine physician. She is active in creating a safe space for LGBTQIA youth and adults and helping people through illness, trauma, and life transitions towards finding balance and joy. In addition to practicing medicine, Evelin created the safer sex communication model STARS to help facilitate open and honest sex conversations. She is a consent and sex educator, sexual health activist and TEDx speaker (on STARS). 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Evelin... 📚 Books mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polya FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why Finding Your People Changes Everything in Non-Monogamy, Ep. 121 | 31 Jul 2025 | 00:28:18 | |
In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, and why tolerating your truth isn’t the same as honoring it. You’ll learn:
Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is your reminder that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself to feel worthy of support. You just need the right people who meet you with curiosity, not correction. 🔗 Resources & Links:
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going: If this episode gave your nervous system a big ol’ exhale, leave a review or share it with a fellow polyam pal who needs to feel seen too. And don’t forget to subscribe—because your support helps this show keep doing its thing. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Spectrum of Non-Monogamy Ep 12 | 04 Nov 2021 | 00:43:45 | |
In today’s episode I talk with Michael Love. He is the former publisher of ENM Magazine and PDXScene Magazine. Michael fancies himself an ambassador and advocate of Ethical Non-monogamy. Together with his nesting partners, they run a thriving online ENM Support Community that embraces all forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy, and host the ENM Talk Podcast show. We talk about the spectrum of non-monogamy, what it’s like to be able to celebrate your partner’s relationships, and our journeys to Ethical Non-Monogamy. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with Michael... www.enmtalkpodcast.com https://www.facebook.com/ENMTalkPodcast https://www.facebook.com/groups/enmgroup 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share al FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Sexiness of Communication, EP 11 | 21 Oct 2021 | 00:45:25 | |
Today I am sharing Part 2 of an amazing conversation I had with Leanne and Greg Million. We continue our conversation with some really juicy sex tips, my enm playlist, and we also talk about how polyamory forces us to learn how to repair relationship ruptures in a way that most of us didn't learn in monogamous relationships. Leanne is a Relationship and Sexuality Coach, with an emphasis on those curious about or practicing poly/CNM, kink and alternative lifestyles. Greg is a relationship and empowerment coach specializing in helping others tap into the strength of their emotional life by supporting and guiding others on their journey of transformation into their most authentic, conscious, vulnerable and loving selves. Their coaching business, EMPOWERED NOW, is a safe space for the LGBTQ2IA+ community and people of all ethnicities, relationship structures and dynamics. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with The Millions? Website - gregmillion.com and leannemillion.com IG - @gregmillion.lifecoach and @leannemillion FB - Greg Million and Leanne Million 📚 Books mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.el FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Relationship Autonomy and the Power of Words Ep.10 | 07 Oct 2021 | 01:02:56 | |
Today I am sharing Part 1 of an amazing conversation I had with Leanne and Greg Million. We talk about non monogamy and all of its forms-- the differences between consensual non-monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, solo polyamory, relationship anarchy, swinging, and the real power to be gained with relational autonomy. There's some really beautiful advice for dealing with jealousy and hear what happens when you put three coaches in a room with each other. Leanne is a Relationship and Sexuality Coach, with an emphasis on those curious about or practicing poly/CNM, kink and alternative lifestyles. Greg is a relationship and empowerment coach specializing in helping others tap into the strength of their emotional life by supporting and guiding others on their journey of transformation into their most authentic, conscious, vulnerable and loving selves. Their coaching business, EMPOWERED NOW, is a safe space for the LGBTQ2IA+ community and people of all ethnicities, relationship structures and dynamics. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with The Millions? Website - www.gregmillion.com and www.leannemillion.com 📚 Books mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Decolonizing Polyamory & Relationship Anarchy Ep. 9 | 23 Sep 2021 | 01:12:53 | |
I'm no expert on racism. But I am a person who's always learning and growing and challenging my own internalized racism. I consider this podcast and my other platforms to be absolutely anti-racist. So while this may not be a topic I address very often it is a topic that I feel passionately about. So today I'm sharing a conversation I had with my friend Kyra. Kyra is a solo poly relationship anarchist and a person of color who's passionate about hard cider and social justice. She is a child care and birth worker of color living in Seattle with her two cats and her turtle and in her spare time she grounds herself with reading and nature and loved ones, and is just a phenomenal human being. I'm really excited to share this conversation with you. Enjoy.
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. 📚 Books and resources mentioned: Visit our website for a list of POC ENM Resources from Kyra
👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Digging into Insecurities Ep. 8 | 09 Sep 2021 | 00:41:07 | |
In today’s episode, I'm talking to Danny, the producer and editor of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, and also one of my partners. He shares the story of how a couple of high school sweethearts from a small town in the Midwest wound up in a committed married polyamorous quad, living in the Pacific Northwest. We talk about how that came about, the challenges that they faced, how they've overcome them and we dig deeper into the role insecurity plays in relationships. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Credits - Host/Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Editor/Producer: Danny Walters. About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Veganism & Polyamory Ep. 7 | 26 Aug 2021 | 00:43:01 | |
My friend, April Filiczkowski, the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen, and I discuss our previous monogamous marriages and the switch to polyamory after divorce, raising kids in polyamorous households, the myth of happily ever after, and veganism and how it can affect relationships and sex! April helps people live a more pleasurable turned on life by helping them love and honor themselves through food, gardening and sexual liberation. She is passionate about Mother Earth, healthy eating and a healthy balanced sex life. She helps people live a greener, healthier, more abundant life. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. Want to connect with the Green Goddess Pleasure Queen… 📚 Books and Resources mentioned:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia 👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Beyond the White Picket Fence - Breaking Out of the Life Everyone Expects You to Live | 12 Aug 2021 | 00:56:32 | |
Krista Kathleen, the author of Beyond The White Picket Fence - Breaking Out of the Life Everyone Expects You to Live, and I chat about her journey into non-monogamy and how it changed over time. We dig into what it means to live authentically regardless of pressures from our family and society to show up as expected. Krista has been coaching women online since 2016 after she got fired from her full time nursing career and divorced all in the same week. She sold her belongings and left the United States to travel all over the world, working and living in 50 different countries. She had her first baby, Lincoln, at home during the pandemic and just published her first book: Beyond the White Picket Fence. Krista plans to open her own life coach certification in fall 2021 and has a goal to train & mentor at least 1,000 life coaches in the next 10 years. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform. Get in touch with Krista: 📚 Books mentioned: 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Body Image and ENM Relationships Ep.5 | 29 Jul 2021 | 00:49:27 | |
Today we're talking to Katy Alaniz, a poly friendly therapist whose focus is really on helping clients rediscover confidence, sexuality, healing from trauma, and a lot of focus on body image, eating disorder recovery, and also how all of that intersects with relationships. Katy is a cis pansexual demisexual polyamorous woman who is super passionate about treating eating disorders and body image issues. She has a badass 10 year old, a couple of cats, she loves fresh hydrangeas, and good coffee. We have the best conversation with her about her life experiences as a solo polyamorous woman, the lessons that she has learned, and the tools she shares with her clients. 💨 TLDR;
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. 📚 Books mentioned: See more Katy!
👀 Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellecia FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Blending Polyamorous Families S1. Ep4. | 15 Jul 2021 | 01:08:34 | |
Today I’m talking to my dear friend, Wilder, about her experiences of non-monogamy and combining families with an already married couple. We talk about triads and the assumptions people make about them, monogamous deconditioning we have to work through when moving into polyamory, and raising kids and polyamorous families, and just a lot of really in depth, juicy stuff. Wilder is in a closed triad with a married couple, and they live together in Olalla raising a ruckus with chicken, ducks, children and having wonderful adventures. Bullet points of key topics & time stamps:
Calls to action:
- Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Credits - Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Producer: Danny Walters. - Editor: Danny Walters About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Polyamory and Divorce S.1 Ep.3 | 01 Jul 2021 | 00:48:54 | |
In this episode, I talk with Mags Baker, a polyamorous, non-binary, sexy divorcée living their best life in San Francisco. They work one-on-one with people to help them find freedom, gain clarity and manifest their juiciest desires. Currently, mags works with folks healing from divorce through healing journeys, intensives, and retreats. They are often found leading sex-positive dance parties on zoom, teaching masterclasses, and hosting live guided meditations. Together, we discuss divorce, transitioning relationships, boundaries, and some of the juicy tools to make our lives better! Join their facebook group HOT divorcé shit for all sorts of exclusive content and a community to let you live your best divorced/solo life here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceland Binge watch mags’ brilliant content and stay tuned to their stories for hilarious real-life updates: https://www.instagram.com/magsbakertheyshe/ Join mags’ email list to be the first to sign up for all mags’ future offerings: https://www.happymillennialmags.com/email-list Bullet points of key topics & time stamps:
List of resources mentioned in episode: Calls to action: ● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| You’re Not Wrong for Wanting More: Let’s End That Lie, Ep. 120 | 24 Jul 2025 | 00:14:29 | |
Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from monogamy culture. 🔍 We’re unpacking:
✨ If you’ve been asking yourself, “Am I selfish for wanting more?” or “Would they still want others if I were enough?”—this one’s for you. And spoiler: no, you're not selfish. You're self-aware. Mentioned in this episode: 👉 My 3-month coaching program Breaking Free From Monogamy—for folks ready to stop surviving and start creating love on your terms. Learn more at elleciapaine.com If this episode made your heart exhale… ➡️ Leave a review. ➡️ Share it with someone who needs to hear it. ➡️ Or DM me on Instagram @elleciapaine and tell me what hit. Because you’re not too much. You’re just ready to stop pretending crumbs are enough. And that? That’s the beginning of something real. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Dating for Polyamorous Nerds S1. Ep.2 | 01 Jul 2021 | 00:57:24 | |
In this episode I talk with Kari Lu Cowell, not only about non-monogamy, but soulmates, monogamous conditioning, whether or not you should start your non-monogamous relationship in the beginning of your relationship or if you should build a monogamous foundation first, and so much more! Kari Lu Cowell is a Dating Coach for Nerds. She helps people feel authentically comfortable and confident with dating so they can find the relationships of their dreams. She works with all relationship desires, specializing in people who seek non-traditional relationships like kink, BDSM, ethical non-monogamy, Sugar Daddy/sugar baby, etc. Having dabbled in all of those things for the past two decades, Kari leads with an open heart and an open mind. With her background in therapy and trauma informed wellness, along with her core value of play, Kari brings a unique mix of mindfulness, psychology, and fun to all of her teachings. Outside of her coaching, Kari loves reading, axe throwing, pole dancing, Doctor Who, connecting with others, and her dog Beau. www.facebook.com/groups/datingfordorks www.instagram.com/karilucoaching https://bookme.name/DatingforDorks Bullet points of key topics & time stamps:
List of resources mentioned in episode: ● Polysecure by Jessica Fern https://amzn.to/3ymbhjA ● Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller TO-DO ● Stay up to date with new e FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Enthusiastic Non-Monogamy - Our Story S1. Ep.1 | 01 Jul 2021 | 00:34:58 | |
People always want to know about my non-monogamous relationship, what worked for me, what I've done in my life, or what other people who are non-monogamous have done. Today, my husband Rob and I are going to share a bit about our open relationship and our polyamory experiences. We answer the questions that people have asked us over the course of our relationship about our polyamorous marriage, about our partners, about what happens in our bedroom, and about how our family deals with it all. Key topics & time stamps:
To Do! ● Stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia by getting on the list here ● Find Us Online - Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ ● Share this episode with your friends: https://www.elleciapaine.com/notmonogamous
Credits - Host: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Executive Producer: Ellecia Paine. https://www.elleciapaine.com/ - Producer: Danny Walters. - Editor: Danny Walters About Us Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Trailer | 19 Jun 2021 | 00:03:19 | |
Hi, I'm Ellecia Paine, and as a sex loving relationship coach who specializes in enthusiastic non-monogamy and polyamory, I get a lot of people coming to me for advice. And I get just as many people coming to me asking about my personal experiences. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Your Brain Gets Polyamory—But What About Your Body? Ep. 119 | 17 Jul 2025 | 01:06:44 | |
So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your prefrontal cortex is—and what you can actually do about it. We cover:
Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, in a polycule, or still figuring it out—this episode is a must-listen if you want more ease, embodiment, and nervous system support in your non-monogamous journey. 💌 Learn more about the retreat: 👉 https://multiamory.com/retreat September 22–25, 2025 | Northern Spain | Sliding scale available FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Creating Sexy, Safe, and Soulful Community with Jamie Love, Ep. 118 | 10 Jul 2025 | 00:46:37 | |
What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover:
If you’re curious about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, radical consent, or how to make friends (and maybe lovers) outside the mainstream—this episode is for you. 🔗 LEARN MORE FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| You Don’t Have to Be the ‘Chill Poly Partner’ to Deserve Love, Ep. 117 | 03 Jul 2025 | 00:28:33 | |
Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered:
💬 If you’ve been wondering: This conversation is for you. 🔔 Subscribe for more honest, nuanced, and no-BS conversations about ethical non-monogamy, boundaries, and becoming your whole self in love. 👇 Ready to take up space in your relationships? FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why You’re Stuck in the Same Fight on Repeat (and How to Break the Loop) Ep. 116 | 19 Jun 2025 | 00:19:10 | |
Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good. 💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or emotional overwhelm, this episode will help you:
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| How to Say the Hard Thing Without Burning Everything Down, Ep. 115 | 12 Jun 2025 | 00:18:33 | |
You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication. What you’ll learn: → How to understand your silence survival pattern → The exact steps to prep for hard conversations → Why blurting is not the same as honesty → The “truth sandwich” that isn’t manipulative → How to handle defensiveness and emotional shutdowns → What to say when it all goes sideways (and why repair = magic) You deserve relationships where the truth can live—and still be loved. 👇 Grab the free guide: Let’s Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/conversations] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Tantra, Throuples, and the Best Sex of Her Life at 65 with Xanet Pailet | 05 Jun 2025 | 00:45:01 | |
What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life. We’re talking about:
If you’ve ever felt broken, stuck, or too late for good sex and real intimacy — this one is gonna hit. There’s so much wisdom here for midlife lovers, non-monogamous folks, and anyone healing their relationship to pleasure. 🔗 Links + Resources: 🎧 Listen now and let yourself feel what’s possible. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why You Can’t Just Talk Your Way Out of Jealousy in Polyamory (And What Actually Helps) Ep. 131 | 23 Oct 2025 | 00:33:11 | |
You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion. So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house? In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system. We’ll explore:
If your brain says “I’m fine” but your body says “I’m not safe,” this one’s for you. 💨 Free breathwork tool mentioned in the episode: https://www.elleciapaine.com/bliss FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Stop Compromising, Start Collaborating: A New Approach to Non-Monogamy Ep. 113 | 29 May 2025 | 00:17:04 | |
Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen? In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships. 💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen. What You’ll Learn: ✔️ Why Assumptions Create Emotional Landmines ✔️ The Difference Between True Collaboration & Self-Sacrifice ✔️ 5 Practical Steps to Create Solid Agreements ✔️ How Cultural Conditioning Shapes Our Agreements ✔️ Real Stories, Real Struggles, Real Solutions Whether you're just opening your relationship or years into non-monogamy… This episode will give you tools to stop guessing, start asking, and co-create a love that honors everyone involved. 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Why Self-Love Looks Different in Non-Monogamy (And Why You Can’t “Positive Vibes” Your Way Through Comparison) | 22 May 2025 | 00:20:52 | |
Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else? In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard. 🎙️We talk about:
💜 Want to go deeper? Join Beyond Compare—my 4-week group coaching program for non-monogamous women who are ready to stop spiraling and start feeling safe, confident, and grounded. 🕓 Starts May 28 | Early bird ends soon 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| Love Beyond Boundaries: Jeff Hudson on Throuples, Jealousy & Non-Monogamy | 15 May 2025 | 00:56:53 | |
What happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned? In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple. Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and why non-monogamy cracked him wide open—in the best and worst ways. We explore:
Whether you're polyam-curious, actively non-monogamous, or just fascinated by the complexity of modern love—this conversation will challenge and expand how you think about commitment, identity, and connection. 📘 Grab Jeff’s book: "Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple", available now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||
| The Hidden Costs of Comparing Yourself to Your Metamour, Ep. 110 | 08 May 2025 | 00:16:26 | |
You know you’re enough—but the second your partner mentions her, the spiral starts. In this honest, grounding episode, I break down the real costs of comparison in non-monogamous relationships—like the way it quietly erodes your presence, self-trust, and peace. You’ll hear:
💭 “They’re not my rival. They’re a reflection of what’s possible.” This episode is your invitation to stop shrinking and start showing up for yourself—even when the spiral hits. Ready for deeper support? 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter | |||