Dive into the complete episode list for No Return. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
18: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: "This Is Your Final Warning!”
Salryn has a long awaited reunion, but it is nothing like how she imagined it. Food, water and gold dwindles and treachery is discovered. Swifty takes drastic action. The city's heart is lifted by report of an army advancing from the North... It looks like the Dayan relief is finally here!
Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future is a surreal and irreverent sci-fi comedy about a well-meaning but bewildered time-travelling saviour who arrives on Earth hoping to fix humanity, only to be met with indifference, bureaucracy, and a media circus. As he stumbles through job centres, detention cells, and diplomatic summits, his mission to stop the world from destroying itself becomes increasingly farcical. Skewering political theatre, messiah complexes, and the absurdity of modern life, this radio play blends dry satire with a healthy dose of cosmic futility.
Voices From the Vortex of Bureaucracy and Beyond
The Jaw-Dropping John Kennard as the indomitable Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future
The Astounding Abbie Jordan-Tickle brought practiced dispassion to the Job Centre Clerk
The Kinda-Knavish Kier Zhou tried his best as the Angry Job Seeker
The Jubilant Jim Cogan lent machine-like charisma to the Job Centre Terminal
The Kinetic Kat McQueen served up sass as Job Centre Agent 1
The Commanding Cameron Gergett countered with indifference as Job Centre Agent 2
The Mighty Matt Evans brought polite peace making to the Police Officer
The Luminous Lauren Deakin investigated truth as the Journalist
The Gravitas-Gilded Girunduu governed gloriously as the Prime Minister
The Blazing Brandon Gamblin oozed menace as Agent Orange
The Charismatic Chris Bauso made mayhem as President Biggle Guff
The Justifiably Jaded Joe Killcar almost kept secrets safe as the Secret Service Agent
The Dynamic Danielle Thuen reported on reports as the Reporter
The Stoic Stephen Newhand offered the voice of the everyman as Man on the Street
The Kinda-Kooky Kier Zhou multitasked heroically as both Woman on the Street and Ambiguously Gendered Pedestrian
The Divine Dylan Smith pontificated perfectly as The Pope
The Kinda-Confused Kier Zhou also moonlighted as Supreme Leader Bum Suk’s Interpreter
The Legendary Loretta Chang diplomatically decoded for the (totally fictional) President Wei Ni Xiong
The Magnificent Michael Secha translated tyranny for President Tupin
The Electrifying Emily Morse-Lee transcended reality as the Alien Robot Space God
Script Sacrificed by the Chronically-Chaotic Kier Zhou
Sound Sculpted by the Begrudgingly-Busy Kier Zhou, with Consultant Conjurer Jim Cogan
Produced with Unearned Confidence by Kier Zhou & Jim Cogan
Lyrics for The Apocalypse Hymn Originally written by Kier Zhou. Scrapped and rewritten in its entirety by Jim Cogan 🤣
Music composed, performed, and sanctified by Jim Cogan
The Apocalypse Hymn was gloriously butchered by “The Cast”
Things start to get tense in the city. Cracks start to show. Swifty indoctrinates his newest Barrel-Man. Ceanni tries to lead Swift further astray. Factions plays nice in the colleges. Factions scheme in the shadows. Salryn has a surprise visitor. Salryn struggles to unpack Vita and Alaric's byzantine schemes.
Wow, the 'old fashioned approach' really is much easier to follow. But... I mean... dead men showing up contrary to every rule in the book.. selective memory from the prime suspect... I'm not buying it.
Thank the silent gods! We have finally dropped that insane story telling device (literally) and now we can get to the bottom of what is happening with some good old fashion interrogation!
The final days of the last age were filled with sadness...but for some... cosmic calamity was new...
Across many worlds and many lands, amongst many creatures... The Fall brought many ends and many beginnings... these are the tragic words of 'One of Many', 'The Last to Leave'.
Are you finding Anderkant confusing and difficult to follow? Well how do you think Min feels?!
Min finally makes it to Anderkant and encounters one of it's denizens. Gnilfeit makes gets more involved with the Lessee's plans... H keeps manipulating our hapless hero.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams Thae Oraen - Gemma Maclean Mair Miner 1 - Adam Robinson Miner 2 - Stuart Bullock @Thisisbardcore
Who is 'H'? Who is The Lessee? Who is this enigmatic sister?...Well...actually...if you've been listening to the other stories and bonus episodes...you might be able to figure out the latter... and the former...
This episode follows our villain's backstory and begins to unravel the mystery of what they are really up to with the Anderkant Project.
Be prepared...it...gets...weird.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Content Warning:
-Foul Language -Death...lots of death... - Violence...lots of violence... - Mind Control - Extortion - Hostage
Gnilfiet: Krissi Williams H/Tran/Min/Billy/Tran/Torriq/Lessee/Teresa/Everyone else: Kier Zhou
I've fixed this bloody thing three times now! Why is it being so weird!? I think we might have to drop this story telling conceit if it carries on any longer...
Cole Lumbo - Chris RR Bauso Elyra Lightfoot - Abbie Tickle Matko- AJ Fidalgo (AKA Mr F) Vasa - Lilly Inverse Selwyn Janicek- Stasi Dimitrova ig Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
Gazi struggles to make friends with the Red Shirts... Colonel Wilifred struggles to put the evidence together... Gnilfeit and Third continue their battle... Tommo gets a touching moment...
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait | Dag'r | Lilly Inverse | Deky | Cameron Gergett | Gazi | Graham Capobianco | Gnilfeit | Krissi Williams | Layna Jareg | Rae Witte | Major | Chris (One Wall) | Olda| Anne Marie Lebeau | Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall) | Sushila | Loretta Chang | Tommo | Jack Duncan | Von Overton | Rachel Pulliam | Wilifred | Ed Craggbarber
Gazi and Von Overton return to the lines just in time for the fight back... Von Overton receives some bad news. Luobo leaves Dagrun at the Row and goes looking for the Guard Commander. Tommo gets some peculiarly timed grief from one of his Vir.
| Anan | Skyler Giordano | Bezeroa | Tyler Moody | Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait | Dag'r | Lilly Inverse | Dagrun | Kier Zhou | Deky | Cameron Gergett | Door Man| Graham Capobianco | Gazi | Graham Capobianco | Ivanic | Justin Fife | Jinu | Anna Gąsecka, also known as Ren_Overshares | Kane| Tyler Moody | Layna Jareg | Rae Witte | Luobo | James Hart | OR Guard | Tyler Moody | OR LT | AJ FidLAGO | Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall) | Sendat | Rae Witte | Sharp | Kier Zhou | Tommo | Jack Duncan | Von Overton | Rachel Pulliam | Wedder | Chris (One Wall) | Wilifred | Ed Craggbarber
The Guard Commander refuses to explain. The Colonel takes drastic action. Gazi and Von Overton head to the Aventine. The captured boys encounter old 'friends' and 'family'. Sharp has to deal with the political fall out. Gnilfiet confronts Third.
Cpl Deky - Cameron Gergett (Recap played by Luke Scarrow)
Tpr Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Tpr Nuori Gazi- Graham Capobianco
Sgt Gavin Fern - Dylan Smith
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
Col. Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Ang Von Overton - Rachel Pulliam (Recap played by Angela Yih)
They have faced a feinting force. They have faced insurgents in the city. They have faced the mysterious machinations of Alaric Sylwraith and they have faced the political arena of the colleges. But now the Warlords are here to play for real.
Will the party be able to muster the motley band of Sun and Moonshields to defend the city walls against a prepared and disciplined force?
I guess you should probably listen to find out!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Jorvin rations the city and bestows Swifty with a new title. Swifty puts Delicate Hammer through 'the trials' and Salryn speaks with the Vashjek Inaia.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
All seems well in Daya and the war is finally going the right way! Daya’s Army and it’s allies are marching to the destruction of the warlords who have plagued the land for almost a century. Hope is in the air, a new future just on the horizon… nothing could possibly go wrong.
Welcome to our vibrant world where gods have abandoned mortals and an intriguing adventure awaits you.
Uncover the secrets of the city of Daya together with our exceptional players - Cameron, Gemma, and Jack and, our amazing GM, Dylan (Kier is also present).
Follow us as we navigate through Daya’s bustling streets and uncover the city's complex dynamics.
We introduce Jack's character, a gentleman in patchwork armour with an intriguing morning ritual and a peculiar fixation on barrels. Meet Gemma’s character, a half-nix, ex merc, member of the Moon Shields! And Cameron’s character! A noble son from the lands to the west, down on his luck and forced to thieve to feed his need for fine clothes!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
We, here at No Return, are returning to our roots!
As some of you may know, Erset La Tari; The Land of No Return, began life as a 'homebrew' Table Top Role Playing Game (TTRPG) setting.
Thanks to the immense talents of Dylan Smith (GM of Hearthfire Tales, as well as the voice of Sergeant Gavin Fern and Niillas Janicek on No Return) we are able to bring No Return to you in the form of a TTRPG Actual play.
Co- Gamemastered by Dylan and Kier Zhou and played by the recognisable vocal talents of Jack (Tommo), Gemma (Ysenda, Thae Oraen & Cinnte) and Cameron (Amghar, Jyce Inacio, and the new voice of Deky and Ayelen). We are truly excited to bring the world of No Return to you in a more improvised, player led and spontaneous format where the players decisions and the whims of the dice will decide 'The Fate of Daya'.
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Sounds of movement in the dark spook our trapped pioneers. The Lessee's sister visits with warnings and 'H' finally convinces Min to head into Anderkant...but boy does that Kabouter like to dilly-dally...
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Constable Lucca- Krissi Williams Constable D'Brie - Maddie Williams Matthias Alaric/Rayan - Kier Zhou Lt Lars Xu - Blake White Selwyn Janicek: Stasi Dimitrova ig, Bones of the Land Niillas Janicek -Dylan Smith, Heartfire Tales
This is a story about heroes. No, that’s too much. This is a story about what it takes to make a hero. Welcome to Erset La Tari, the Land of No Return!
This strange and mysterious realm teeters ever on the verge of disaster, barely having survived the apocalyptic world curses! But from the ashes rose the Treaty of Budan and the nations of La Tari achieved a hard won peace. The starving were fed, calamitous war averted and a safe and prosperous zone established. But there were those who opposed the treaty- who chafed at silken shackles of peace. Villains who sought power at the expense of the land’s very survival! These vile ne'er do wells found power in the study of dark magicks and used their martial prowess to enslave their neighbours- forcing them to toil under a repressive yoke to further their selfish hunger for dark esoteric knowledge. So vast became the gap between the power of these villains and those of the forces of peace that the nations were forced to once again band together commissioning a fellowship of heroes, of champions, to meet the crisis head-on. Each a master of their respective art, willing and ready to meet these wicked casters in battle if and when the need arose.
This is a story of heroes and what it takes to make a hero. So turn back ye faint of heart! For I tell no word of a lie: Shit gets fucked really fast!
I am not going to clog up the No Return feed with all this crazy worldbuilding, but for those who are interested:
The Lore of No Return will have it's own feed where I nerd out in detail (but not too much detail!) about Erset La Tari and the No Returniverse more generally.
If you hate it, fear not! I won't be dropping more of it on here!