Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay – Details, episodes & analysis

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

Successful intimate relationships don't just happen by themselves. Building a life together requires us to solve hundreds of everyday problems that all couples encounter. Love for your partner means it's natural to go to great lengths to help them to be happy, to work with their quirks, to be understanding of their limitations, and personal struggles, but what about your own needs? Your own happiness? Are you giving so much to your partner that your're neglecting yourself? Are there areas of your life or your relationship where you feel resentful or unappreciated?

During this episode, Paul Micallef from Autism From the Inside will explore the importance of self-care and boundary setting in order to set you and your partner up for success.

To learn more about Paul Micallef's work or his amazing YouTube channel, Autism From the Inside click here.

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

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Eva Mendes is an autism and ADHD specialist, couples counselor, and psychotherapist. She facilitates worshops and training at various universities, mental health and medical centers. Eva has a private practice where she works with clients from all over the world.

During this presentation, Eva talks about the critically important things that can contribute to a happy and healthy relationship. She also recently published a new book titled "Armchair Conversations on Love and Autism-Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples". If you haven't had a chance to get a copy of this book I highly recommend it. I was honored to have been asked to write the foreward for the book and I know that many of you will enjoy reading how other couples are successfully navigating the ups and downs in their neurodiverse relaitonship.

You can contact Eva at: https://www.eva-mendes.com/

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.

If you would like register for the 4 week workshop series that Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. and Sarah Swenson, LMHC will be co-facilitating titled " How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together" that begins on July 9th, 2024 at 7:30pm EST click here.

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During this episode, Margot Alexis and Chelle share information about the long-term effects of Cassandra syndrome. Many NT women endure chronic isolation, anxiety and depression. Others have difficulty sleeping, digestive disorders and serious autoimmune diseases. Some exhibit persistent anger, severe resentment and feel helpless to change the situation. Almost all will experience a loss of self. 

In this episode, Margot and Chelle discuss what Cassandra Syndrome is, it’s effects and how you can heal from it. They also share information on the following topics:

• Why NT women have a difficult time getting support from friends and family?
• The first step in recovery.
• What healthy emotional detachment looks like.
• How letting go is different than giving up.
• The support that is available,

To learn more about Margot and Chelle please check out: www.healingcassandra.com

The Neurodiverse Love Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23. If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters, please visit www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter . ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Janelle Homan has been doing therapy with families and couples in Brisbane, Australia for many years.  She is also an AANE certified therapist and shares lots of valuable information during this episode.  Janelle has viewed family therapy as a 3 part process: psychoeducation; acceptance and realignment of expectations and understanding uniqueness; and as an opportunity to be more effective and work as a team.  She also uses system theory to help guide her work  and looks at ways to create a better emotional climate so that all family members can improve performance.  Some of the other topics discussed include: Understanding the relational experience and the patterns. How the process becomes the problem, not the partner. Embracing neuro-minorities We need a "curiosity" to understand difference. Attachment theory. Capacity for emotional experiencing and expression. Calming our nervous system and understanding our own triggers. The importance of problem solving in a calm state. Understanding coping styles that might create a reactive cycle. Both partners have different capacities and need to be willing to do the work. Understanding that emotion trumps logic and how to give empathy. The value of play and fun in therapy. Externalizing the problems. Secondary trauma and neurodiversity. Communication roundabout. You can contact Janelle at: www.janellehoman.com ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

The Neurodiverse Love Conference Virtual Conference will be held on February 14th and 15th, 2023 and tickets go on sale on 1/2/23.  

If you are interested in learning more about the conference presenters please go to www.neurodiverselove.com.  If you want to get access to more information about the conference, please sign up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter .

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During this episode another AANE certified therapist, Dr. Rahimeh Andalibian shares about her personal trauma experiences and her neurodiverse journey, as well as the path she traveled to begin working with neurodivergent adults and neurodiverse couples.  Rahimeh talks about the importance of working with a therapist who has expertise in neurodiversity and how a therapist without this knowledge can cause "flooding" for the  neurodivergent client.  Most of the people who contact the practice that Rahimeh owns called "Spectrum Services", are in pain.  Rahimeh and her team work with each client to gain a better understanding of the source of the pain.  Through assessment, diagnosis and/or therapy, clients are given an opportunity to find the path that will help them gain clarity, as they work to live their best, most authentic lives.

Some of the other topics addressed include:

• How trauma, race, culture and religion can cover up neurodiversity.
• Executive function and emotional reciprocity differences in parenting that can create challenges.
• The "dance" in therapy, when there is unknown neurodiversity.
• When one partner is autistic and the other is ADHD, the source of the challenges may be misunderstood.
• Understanding triggers that actually may be sensory sensitivities.
• The impact of trauma on emotional regulation.  Traumatized reactions can stay within our body!
• Getting coverage from your insurance for the evaluation/diagnosis process.
• The value of on-line screening tools to begin the self-assessment process.
• How a "strength-based"  diagnosis can help partners understand the language they speak and determine how they can connect.
• What it means to "Feel it", "See it", and "Help/Understand it".
• It is critical to knock down and get through the shame...We are all here to walk each other home! 

You can contact Dr. Andalibian at: www.spectrumservicesnyc.org or at www.rahimeh.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off  the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. 

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love  

You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com 

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Dr. Carrie Mitran has been in a neurodiverse relationship since 2007 and for more then 15 years she has been on a journey to discover the most effective tools and methods to help individuals and neurodiverse couples better understand themselves and each other.  Dr.  Mitran is an AANE Certified Therapist who has developed her own model for working with neurodiverse couples.  The Mitran Model is a culturally responsive approach that moves away from the medical and diagnostic model and instead views neurodiversity as a culture.  Specifically, looking at social-emotional learning and relational culture theory. The Mitran Model includes the following steps: 1) Identify target; 2) Implement a plan; 3) Define what support looks like; 4) Implement your plan with ongoing guidance. Dr. Mitran believes all people can design the life they want when they take time to understand themselves with knowledge, self awareness, and compassion.    During this episode Dr. Mitran addresses the following:  Why understanding neurodiversity is critical to therapy with ND couples.  Building more competencies for helping professionals who are working with ND couples.  The importance of understanding identity development stories.  Core issues ND couples seek therapy for: misunderstood communication; perspective taking; high levels of anxiety that aren't recognized.  Understanding complexities within each individual and within the intimate relationship and the foundation your relationship is built on.  Supporting growth and development of each partner's identity with a new sense of awareness.  Moving from acceptance to affirming!  The importance of exploring and investigating our personal values, biases and stereotypes.  How micro-aggressions can lead to contempt and  resentment and the value of "micro-interventions".  How breakdowns are opportunities to restart.  Reconciliation and affirmation.  The importance of  understanding each others values and social context.  Self-regulation-managing inner emotions and sensory overload.  Moving away from "performance goals" in an intimate relationship.  Having a curiosity based mindset.  The value of "radical openness". You can contact Dr. Mitran at: www.neurodiversetalk.com 

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 If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.  

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love 

 You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com  Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Tim Donovan is a licensed certified social worker who has been in practice since 1992.  He is also  an AANE Certified Therapist who shares how important it was for him to update his approach to therapy to include a neurological lens. Tim shares some of the knowledge and strategies he learned from the AANE training and talks about how he has integrated this information into his therapy practice. Tim also provides examples of how the AANE certification gave him the confidence to address neurodiversity in counseling sessions.

Tim also addresses:

• The overlap in diagnoses.
• Figuring out which issue is doing the speaking.
• Helping couples see the bigger picture.
• How to incorporate AANE concepts when there is reluctance to accept neurodiversity.
• Using "QAAA" (Question-Answer-Answer-Answer) as a connection tool.
• The value of "connection codes".
• Perspective taking and the "duck/bunny" picture. 
• Understanding the impact of sensory sensitivities.

Tim also conducts  therapeutic "weekend intensives" with couples and he provides an overview of this modality.

You can contact Tim at: www.tcdonovan.com, or by email or phone at tcdonovanlcsw@gmail.com or 410-583-2622.

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee. 

To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners" please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love

You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Remy Springer is a new mom and another AANE certified therapist who shares how parenting and pregnancy may impact a neurodiverse couple.  More specifically, we discuss how communication challenges can increase and how sleep deprivation and changes to routine can lead to more anxiety.  In addition, we address the importance of understanding what each partner needs to be fully present for their partner and family, and the importance of making time to recharge to reduce overwhelm. 

We also address the following:

• Strategies for helping with the transition from work to home.
• Communicating the expectations when transitioning from work to home.
• Mirroring to make sure both partners are in-sync regarding expectations.
• Understanding sensory sensitivities that neurodivergent women may experience during pregnancy.
• Some health care challenges that neurodiverse couples may experience and the importance of both self and partner advocacy.
• Preparing both partners for the birth process.
• The importance of tone, semantics and the need to be more concise, concrete and precise.
• The need for more resources about co-parenting as a neurodiverse couple.
• The importance of remembering that you and your partner are a "co-parenting team".

You can email Remy at: remy@remyspringer.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please check out: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

During this episode I have a very important conversation with another AANE Certified Therapist, Dr. Alix Mansbach.  Alix provides a summary of the diagnostic evaluation process she conducts with those who are seeking an autism diagnosis.  The evaluation includes a 2 hour interview, 2 hours of testing and a 2 hour feedback session.  We discuss the importance of having an opportunity to talk to family members, or the intimate partner of the person seeking a diagnosis.  By learning more about this comprehensive assessment process it can help neurodivergent individuals and their loved ones understand the evaluation process before moving forward on finding an experienced clinician who can conduct the evaluation.  While a formal diagnostic evaluation isn't something everyone wants to pursue, some people move forward on this process because they want and/or need accommodations at work or school, or they want to better understand themselves and their relationships.  Those who want ongoing support through therapy or counseling are referred to clinicians with expertise in neurodiversity. Alix can also conduct comprehensive "neuropsychological" evaluations which include an evaluation of the following: academic achievement, intelligence, language, memory, attention, emotional functioning, executive functioning.  These evaluations include 9 hours of testing , 2 hours of interviews and a 2 hour feedback session. During this episode we also discuss how many autistic females Alix has worked with may have had a lot of "treatment resistant" anxiety and depression before realizing they are autistic.  However, many may also be able to leverage their cognitive skills to make sense of the social world, but unfortunately, this often comes at a great psychological cost!!  Alix shares some of the things her female clients have told her as they describe how they have felt in a neurotypical world.  She also shares how many highly intelligent women can mask her autistic traits and score as a neurotypical on the ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) which is one of the widely used assessment tools. We have a long way to go to better understand how our society can support both autistic and non-autistic individuals to better understand themselves and their partners, however it is important to know that there are skilled clinicians and diagnosticians available who understand how neurology can impact well-being, daily life and  relationships and are working to ensure that the best assessment tools and processes are used to help each person live their best life.. You can contact Alix at the Center for Assessment and Treatment in Chevy Chase, Maryland at: www.caatonline.com  or by calling: 240-424-0184 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode. For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!

Warning: During this episode we talk about masturbation, sex and porn addiction, and betrayal. 

Julianne Cusick is a therapist and betrayal trauma specialist in Colorado and is also an AANE certified therapist.  Julianne shares a little about her personal story through betrayal trauma early in her marriage.  She also talks about how discovering her adopted daughter is autistic led her down another path in her marriage, as she and her husband also learned they were a neurodiverse couple.  

During this episode we talk about how it feels to watch your partner excel in all areas of his life and repeatedly find that there are challenges that only seem to exist in your intimate relationship.  As expectations inside the relationship increase, anxiety can grow as partners try to meet requests made of them.  A unique set of challenges manifests and we address them during this episode.  Julianne also describes the assessment process she goes through to determine if a couple is neurodiverse.  It's not about blame or shame, it's about understanding, compassion and growth.  Traditional couples counseling can be very damaging when there is "unknown neurodiversity' and it is critical to have an experienced therapist or coach who can serve as an interpreter and investigator, and provide a path forward that is healing and hopeful.

Some of the other issues we address in this powerful episode include:

• Co-dependence
• The impact of low self-esteem and self-worth
• How IQ can drop when anxiety is present
• Developing self-resilience
• The importance of understanding each other's difference perspectives (Duck-Bunny picture)
• Holding space for each other
• Using addictions and compulsions to numb trauma
• The Minwalla Method for treating betrayal 

This is a powerful episode that I hope will help many individuals and couples who are experiencing challenges with betrayal trauma or addictions.  Suffering in silence, or alone, and not being able to find the help, support and the healing tools needed-can be devastating.  I hope this episode brings some light, hope and understanding to others. 

Please visit Julianne's website to learn more about her work: www.restoringthesoul.com

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If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist, or coach, or would like to register for the "Neurology Matters' training available through AANE, for couples or individuals in neurodiverse relationships, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com.  Please use the code NeurodiverseLove25 to get 25% off the registration fee.  To learn more about AANE, or to find an AANE certified therapist or coach in your area, please click here and look at the map halfway down the page. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please rate it, provide a review, and subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss an episode.

For more information about the support groups available for "neurodiverse couples" or the "neurotypical/non-autistic partners", please sign-up for the Neurodiverse Love newsletter at: www.neurodiverselove.com or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   You can also contact Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com.

Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!