Mom and Mind – Details, episodes & analysis

It is an undeniable fact that our Western norms for prenatal and postnatal care of mothers are very different from other countries and cultures. Even the term “confinement” is not as familiar to most Americans as it is in other countries. Join us as we explore this topic further with today’s expert.  Dr. Kristal Lau is a certified European Lifestyle Medicine (ELMO) Health and Fitness Advisor and a leading postpartum wellness consultant specializing in bridging cultural practices with modern postpartum care. She is an author, former physician, veteran’s spouse, and the mother of two. Her mission is to revolutionize postpartum wellness for mothers and their families through holistic postpartum wellness experiences that blend modern healthcare and science with personal lifestyles and cultural practices. Currently living in France, Dr. Lau is originally from Malaysia, where she grew up using the best of both worlds in Chinese medicine and allopathic medicine. She serves as a board member for the non-profit Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition (MBRNPC) and continues to volunteer with the Army Community Services in USAG Wiesbaden as a military retiree’s spouse. Her book, Postpartum 30: Thirty Days To A Nurtured Fourth Trimester, was published in 2023. In this episode, Dr. Lau shares her experience in following the Chinese postpartum confinement practice after birthing her children, along with the collaboration work she’s doing on snoring and sleep apnea in pregnancy and the postpartum. She also discusses modern confinement practices and the rising interest in this form of postpartum care.  Show Highlights: Confinement practices for postpartum rest are common in other parts of the world and rooted in Chinese medicine. Dr. Lau’s experience with postpartum depression even after following the structure of her confinement practice Largely unknown outcomes for migrant Asian women around the world who follow traditional confinement practices The boom of postnatal retreats in the US Dr. Lau explains traditional Chinese principles around proper nutrition and rest for the new mother. Dr. Lau’s journey to write her book, Postpartum 30 Variations in confinement days from culture to culture The partner’s important role as the main support person in a new mother’s confinement The need for modernization and adaptations in traditional confinement practices Dr. Lau’s advice for those seeking to use traditional Chinese herbs in postpartum care Dr. Lau’s experience with sleep issues, like snoring and daytime sleepiness–even though she doesn’t “fit the bill” for sleep apnea The anatomical changes during pregnancy that can lead to sleep apnea The need for more clinical data in the area of pregnancy, snoring, and sleep apnea (Sleep above everything!) Resources: Connect with Dr. Kristal Lau: Website, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Postpartum 30 book Please find resources in English and Spanish at Postpartum Support International, or by phone/text at 1-800-944-4773. There are many free resources, like online support groups, peer mentors, a specialist provider directory, and perinatal mental health training for therapists, physicians, nurses, doulas, and anyone who wants to be a better support in offering services.  You can also follow PSI on social media: Instagram, Facebook, and most other platforms Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today! If you are a California resident looking for a therapist in perinatal mental health, email me about openings for private pay clients!

The idea of “not doing enough” comes up every week with moms in therapy who feel like they aren’t getting enough done on their to-do list, whether it’s an actual list or a mental list in their minds. Let’s explore this topic deeper. Show Highlights: The parenting to-do list increases exponentially as you become a new parent. We shouldn’t discount ALL the things new parents do on a daily basis. Pressure from within and without brings unrealistic expectations that a mom should do “all the things.” Irritability, agitation, frustration, and negative self-judgment lead to questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” Dealing with an overloaded and overwhelmed emotional state Compassionate reflection can be helpful in overcoming negative thought patterns. The importance of sleep (Sleep deprivation can get in the way of basic daily tasks.) Advice for anyone who is being hard on themselves Resources: Please find resources in English and Spanish at Postpartum Support International, or by phone/text at 1-800-944-4773. There are many free resources, like online support groups, peer mentors, a specialist provider directory, and perinatal mental health training for therapists, physicians, nurses, doulas, and anyone who wants to be a better support in offering services.  You can also follow PSI on social media: Instagram, Facebook, and most other platforms Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

The transition to motherhood can bring feelings of loneliness as life forces a new schedule and new priorities. A new mom’s responsibilities are never-ending, along with the added stress of insufficient sleep and managing a new normal in the household. Our society is set up such that a mom is most often the default parent, and this can lead to a disconnect in the relationship. As we will discuss in this episode, loneliness is about much more than just being alone. Join me for more on this topic! Show Highlights: Moms can be surrounded by people and still feel alone because they aren’t connected, supported, and understood. Dealing with a limited bandwidth for conversation and connection to a partner The value of feeling connected to a like-minded community What loneliness looks and feels like Finding connection and understanding through therapy, support groups, and a supportive community A cultural system that isn’t set up to be supportive for new moms so they know what’s normal and what isn’t normal How we fail new moms by letting them float around until they “figure it out” Let me know how you’ve experienced loneliness, the impacts you’ve noticed, and your thoughts on how we can offer better support. Email me! Resources: Please find resources in English and Spanish at Postpartum Support International, or by phone/text at 1-800-944-4773. There are many free resources, like online support groups, peer mentors, a specialist provider directory, and perinatal mental health training for therapists, physicians, nurses, doulas, and anyone who wants to be a better support in offering services.  You can also follow PSI on social media: Instagram, Facebook, and most other platforms Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

The conversation around parenting in non-traditional families needs to be expanded and better understood in today’s world. More and more families are being created with dynamics that make them non-traditional in some way, and support on the path to parenthood for EVERYONE is crucial. Join us to explore this topic in today’s episode!  Marie Sloane is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Perinatal Mental Health Specialist based in Arizona. She focuses her practice on helping new parents of all backgrounds, specifically LGBTQ+ families and those with non-traditional family dynamics, like co-parenting, single parents by choice, queer parents, polyamorous families, and others. As a single parent for four years and a survivor of postpartum depression, Marie brings compassion and lived experience to parents adjusting to a variety of new dynamics and transitions. In our conversation, Marie explains why support for any parenting journey is vital, especially for those on a non-traditional path.  Show Highlights: How Marie came to the important work she does today after experiencing postpartum depression after the birth of her son How Marie didn’t know how to take care of herself, advocate for herself, or set healthy boundaries as a struggling new mom Why Marie felt alienated and isolated as she left her unhealthy relationship without good support in place How counseling helped her reframe her trauma and rebuild her self-esteem–and why she wanted to become a counselor  How Marie has learned to navigate the world of co-parenting with her son’s father Why Marie found the niche (during the pandemic) of working with LGBTQ+ parents and non-traditional families Why many non-traditional parents are reaching out for a non-judgmental and affirming space Why Marie encourages her clients to find a combination of online support and local community support (Explore locally to find other family groups like yours!) How “deconstructing” happens for those who grew up with a very specific worldview around faith, family, morality, etc.  What Marie sees that is lacking in perinatal mental health and support for LGBTQ+ families How we can best educate ourselves to support non-traditional families around us Resources: Connect with Marie: Website and Facebook Visit www.postpartum.net for resources and support!  Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

What happens to a person’s nervous system during times of stress, specifically in the transition to parenthood? The impacts of this stress on an individual’s nervous system are also felt in the entire family system. My guest has spent 25 years specializing in physical and neurological recovery in children with challenges and working with the entire family to recover “the family nervous system™”. I hope you are intrigued and want to know more! Join us now! BG Mancini is a licensed acupuncture physician and practices as a primary care provider via telemedicine. Her focus is on functional medicine and nervous system resilience in children and families to identify the root causes of physical, emotional, and neurological challenges. She uses different tools in her work with families, and she specifically discusses one tool called SSP in today’s conversation. Her desire is to bring joy into parenting and help people feel good in their brains and bodies, thus connecting more deeply to themselves and their children.  Show Highlights: How BG came to the healing work she does today with families Why the gut microbiome is integral to mental, emotional, neurological, and hormonal health The importance of the vagus nerve in the body’s responses to stress and trauma–and in the gut-brain connection How the SSP (Safe and Sound Protocol) helps to scaffold the nervous system to identify threats and safety How the SSP can be customized for children and adults with all manner of issues and challenges Why getting an assessment about your digestion and the brain-gut connection is the best first step in stress management How the app makes SSP available to everyone (with supervision) How BG conducts her work through Zoom with people of all ages Resources: Connect with BG: Website (FREE 30-minute course for parents), Instagram, and Facebook Visit www.postpartum.net for resources and support!  Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today! Books Mentioned by BG:  Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky  The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Today’s episode is a replay of one of my most popular episodes that I’m sure you will enjoy. Please tune in and share with your friends. We, as women, have absorbed much history into ourselves over time regarding our bodies and our health. We wonder why we feel unheard and dismissed, and the more we learn, the more enraged we should become about how modern Western medicine has treated women with medical and mental health conditions. Join today’s conversation for deep insight and a message of hope.  Dr. Elinor Cleghorn is a feminist cultural historian, and her critical writing has been published in several academic journals. After receiving her Ph.D. in 2012, she spent three years as a post-doctoral researcher at the Ruskin School, University of Oxford, where she worked on an interdisciplinary medical humanities project. She is the author of Unwell Women: Misdiagnosis and Myth in a Man-Made World, a book that I recommend highly to all our listeners.  Show Highlights: What brought Elinor to write the book after a lupus diagnosis that followed a very complicated pregnancy with her son How Elinor began her research with urgency into her lupus diagnosis and the history of medicine, expanding into other commonly misdiagnosed diseases in women Why Elinor began at the beginning, learning about ancient Greece and the formation of medical practice How women’s bodies were viewed largely as reproductive vessels to produce and mother male heirs Why men in ancient patriarchal societies began to assert social control over women and their bodies How the Western medical model has been affected by social thinking, myths, and fantasies about women’s roles How the word hysteria has been applied to a misunderstanding of women and was originally derived from a word for the uterus How medical leverage was used in horrible ways against black enslaved women in 19th century America, leading to gynecological violence and reproductive abuse Why Elinor wanted her book to expand to cover women’s experiences all over the world and not just be her personal story What Elinor has discovered about women’s mental health across history How dominant ideas have shaped societal views about the ideal motherhood and “how mothers SHOULD feel” Elinor’s hopes for readers of the book: “Remember that your body is your own, no matter how medical caregivers might make you feel.” Resources: Unwell Women: Misdiagnosis and Myth in a Man-Made World by Elinor Cleghorn Connect with Elinor:  Twitter and Instagram

The message of today’s conversation is that postpartum depression and anxiety don’t always have simple, easy fixes. Medications, therapy, and other supports don’t help some as quickly as others. In these cases, suffering mothers need to know that they are not alone and that others are going through the same challenges that come with lingering depression. Today’s guest shares her story to bring awareness to this issue. Join us to learn more. As a social worker and mom of a three-year-old son, Lynn Wilhite suffers from postpartum depression. She has been struggling since pregnancy, with medications being unable to help her effectively thus far. She has created the Instagram page, My Journey with PPD, as a way of trying to reach other moms and partners with similar experiences. Lynn hopes to bring awareness to the fact that PMADs don’t always have an easy fix and loved ones need to support a mother for the duration of her journey. Show Highlights: How Lynn’s PPD story began as she planned, with her psychiatrist, adjustments to her antidepressant and sleeping medications to prepare for her first pregnancy How not sleeping for an extended period of time brought on her depressive episode How her son’s birth went well, except for the NICU interventions brought on by her medications—and her first dose of “mom guilt” occurred Where Lynn is today–three years postpartum and over 40 medications later How her son had sensory processing disorders and needed several therapies, perpetuating her mom guilt  How Lynn tried multiple medications, trying to find something that worked How suicidal ideations and problems in bonding with her son brought additional challenges How Lynn experiences grief, even today, over her guilt and all the things that haven’t gone well in her motherhood journey  Why Lynn was hospitalized at two years postpartum after trying every medication available in different combinations How a move to a different state left her with a gap in therapy and support How a new medication is starting to lift the depression fog for Lynn and give her cautious optimism What Lynn’s current therapy work is doing to help What Lynn wants people to know and hear from her story Resources: Connect with Lynn: Instagram Visit www.postpartum.net for resources and support!  Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

My guest today shares her personal story of severe postpartum anxiety and depression while appearing in a high-functioning state to those around her. It is important for us to hear real-life accounts from those who look like “everything is fine.” Join us for a closer look from this unique perspective. Caitlin Shadek is a mom of three boys, ages 3, 6, and 8. She is a lawyer who has practiced as a commercial litigator for the past 14 years, but she recently left her job to attend Rutgers University School of Social Work to obtain her master’s degree in social work. Her desire is to work with women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and help bridge the gap in their care between the OB/GYN and the pediatrician. Caitlin felt that lapse in care firsthand when she suffered from severe postpartum depression and anxiety after her first two pregnancies and entered a hospital treatment program when her third son was a toddler. Her own experiences have been the impetus behind her career change and desire to help treat and advocate for better women’s mental health care. She is currently an intern at a practice specializing in infertility and prenatal/postnatal counseling.  Show Highlights: How Caitlin’s story begins about nine years ago with her first pregnancy and the immediate feelings of dread and panic she felt at the moment of birth Why she was afraid to go home from the hospital with her new baby How wearing a catheter for six weeks added to the anxiety she felt about caring for her baby  How dark thoughts plagued her–but she never shared them with anyone and pretended that everything was fine How she began therapy and medication when her son was about nine months old, but the dark thoughts and depression continued Why she wanted a second child–despite the serious issues in her life (including self-harming behaviors) How she felt guilt about continuing her medication while pregnant and experienced postpartum depression AGAIN How Caitlin went back to work and put on her “high-functioning postpartum depression face” How her struggles continued into her pregnancy with her third son, and things felt a little different after his birth How the pandemic threw their family into survival mode with everyone at home together Why Caitlin worked very hard to put on a good face until everything culminated in December 2021–and she knew she was NOT OK How Caitlin’s therapist sent her to the ER during an intense COVID resurgence because of her depression and suicidal thoughts Why Caitlin agreed to go to the psychiatric floor for treatment–and then tried to change her mind How she was released to go home and enrolled in an outpatient DBT program that changed her life How Caitlin decided what her next phase of work would be–to become a social worker and provide other mothers with the help she had needed Why maternal mental health falls between the OB/GYN and pediatrician and is often overlooked What Caitlin would say to someone in a similar situation Resources: Connect with Caitlin: Instagram Visit www.postpartum.net for resources and support!  Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

Hearing that your child has a medical diagnosis throws a new kind of stress and strain into the parenting arena. Whether the diagnosis is transient or severe, increased parental anxiety is a common issue that presents many twists and turns. Today’s guest shares a pediatrician’s perspective on supporting parents’ mental health through this process. Join us to learn more! Dr. Kelly Fradin is a pediatrician and the author of Advanced Parenting: Helping Kids Through Diagnoses, Differences, and Mental Health Challenges. She is a mother of two and a child advocate based in New York City.  Currently the Director of Pediatrics at the Atria Institute, she was inspired to become a doctor because of her experience of surviving childhood cancer. She is a graduate of Harvard College and Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons, and she has dedicated her career to caring for children with complex medical conditions, using her skills in academic clinics, private practice, inpatient units, and schools. In addition to sharing information from her new book, Dr. Fradin shares realistic and powerful parenting advice and children’s health information on her Instagram account: @adviceigivemyfriends.  Show Highlights: How Dr. Kelly’s childhood cancer journey opened her eyes to the mental health needs of parents Why we should normalize and talk about the challenges that come with new parenthood–and anticipate that trying times will come Why it is important to have an honest relationship with your doctor and your child’s doctor How feeding challenges come up for a new baby as a very common issue and diagnosis How a child’s diagnosis can lead to excessive worry, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts How a more serious diagnosis and a larger medical care team lead to a more complex responsibility and anxiety Why parents should NOT try to “do it all” themselves but should accept help and delegate responsibilities to others How a NICU experience can impact parents’ mental health (While in the NICU, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need!) What the reality is in coping with a diagnosis and the stigma that follows in the “what’s next?” phase Why it helps fight feelings of isolation to be open with your circle of family and friends Why it’s OK to give yourself permission to feel anger in addition to frustration and sadness How a couple may experience their child’s diagnosis in very different ways  What Dr. Fradin’s book shares about information and coping strategies for parents Resources: Connect with Dr. Kelly Fradin: Website, Instagram, and Book Visit www.postpartum.net for resources! I’d love to hear from you! Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!

Perinatal mental health is important for every new mom, but there are extra challenges for moms who are immigrants living in a country and culture that are unfamiliar. Such is the story of today’s guest. Join us to hear how she overcame many difficulties to turn her trauma into her renewed purpose to help others! Eszter Kalman is a mom of two who struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety. She experienced the loneliness of motherhood after moving to the US from her native Hungary. She shares with us what it was like to discover her new life as a new mother and immigrant and how she learned to cope with the cultural differences that met her at every turn. Eszter also faced the difficulty of transitioning into motherhood after losing her own mother in Hungary and living in the US with none of her family nearby. It was her postpartum journey that led her to make meaning of her own experience by going back to school to become a therapist and help other moms. She has worked as a Helpline volunteer for Postpartum Support International and the Postpartum Health Alliance of San Diego for many years. From her beginnings in Hungary to time spent living in Spain and Italy, Eszter has resided in San Diego for the past 12 years and proudly calls it her home. She loves the sunny weather, exploring parks and beaches, and going for long walks with her dog. Show Highlights: How Eszter experienced culture shock when she first moved to California as an immigrant from Hungary and quickly married her husband and found herself pregnant just a few months later How Eszter, as a new mom, had to adjust to her husband’s family, which was very different from what she was used to as far as honoring privacy How her pregnancy was easy with no mention of the possibility of postpartum depression and anxiety How postpartum depression and anxiety kicked in almost immediately when she and her newborn son went home, and she felt alone and unsupported How Eszter missed her mother in the first days of motherhood because she has passed away a couple of years earlier How Eszter realized that she wasn’t enjoying motherhood and was jealous of other moms who were How Eszter learned not to express her true feelings because she was invalidated by everyone around her How one nurse made an impact as the one person who understood Eszter and tried to help her How Eszter finally got connected to a therapist and found the help she needed, but was hesitant to reveal that she was getting therapy because of the cultural stigma  Why it became healing for Eszter to be able to openly talk about her experience and share it with others without shame and guilt Why Eszter loves the work she does today in private practice to help other moms with perinatal mental health How Eszter is creating resources, like a course and podcast, especially for other Hungarians Why turning your trauma into your purpose makes meaning out of your experience Eszter’s hopeful message for new moms: “The sooner you learn to ask for help when you need it doesn’t mean that you are weak; it means that you want to remain strong.” Resources: Connect with Eszter Kalman and Golden Tears Therapy: Website, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok Visit www.postpartum.net for resources! I’d love to hear from you! Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!