Explore every episode of the podcast MissPerceived
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Research Behind Sexual Satisfaction in Relationships | 06 Oct 2026 | 00:16:55 | |
Does it actually matter for your relationship if your partner carries more of the emotional load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new study from the University of Southampton that goes beyond who does the dishes and digs into something more surprising: the link between emotional labor, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction. Leah explains the key distinction this research reveals — men doing more housework and emotional/family-management tasks boosts women's overall relationship satisfaction, but it's specifically emotional labor toward the partner (knowing when you're upset, taking care of you when you're sick, understanding your emotional needs) that predicts sexual satisfaction. She also unpacks a fascinating gender split in the data: women report the most satisfaction when things are split equally, while men report the most satisfaction the more their partner takes on — a mismatch that can quietly fuel resentment and burnout in relationships. Drawing on her book Drained, Leah connects this to a bigger pattern: men often see offloading domestic labor as an investment in the family's future, while women often feel guilty taking on less, because they've been taught that 100% of their energy should go to their families. If you want to understand why your relationship might be hitting friction points around who does what, this episode breaks down exactly what the research says — and what to actually talk about with your partner. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — recording from Australia and new research on relationships 02:26 What is the mental load? A quick refresher 04:39 How researchers measured emotional labor, relationship nurturing, family management 06:57 The key finding: emotional labor to the partner predicts sexual satisfaction 09:12 Why women want equality, but men want investment — a gendered mismatch 11:38 How this mismatch creates relationship conflict and resentment 13:00 What happened during COVID when men carried more of the load 14:03 What to actually do: get strategic, not just "do more" Resources Mentioned: 📄 Research: Verena Klein, Rotem Kalisher, Esra Ascigil, and Tanja Oschatz (University of Southampton) 📄 Related research: Sabino Kornrich on housework division and sexual frequency 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Why Siblings Stop Talking: The Real Reasons Behind Family Estrangement | 29 Sep 2026 | 00:24:24 | |
Nearly 1 in 4 adults have experienced a period of estrangement from a sibling — and it's more common (and more complicated) than most of us realize. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks a new study out of Ohio State University that dug into 39 in-depth interviews to understand why adult siblings go no contact. Leah breaks down the two major forces driving estrangement: parental behavior (favoritism, manipulation, and forcing siblings to "pick sides" after a parent-child conflict) and the sibling relationship itself (destabilizing conduct, safety threats, and childhood bonds that were never really built). She shares personal stories from friends navigating estrangement, explains the concept of family systems and triangulation, and connects all of it back to the mental load — the emotional scanning, relationship repair work, and guilt that estranged (or nearly estranged) families create. If you've ever felt like your family "doesn't understand your world," or you're carrying guilt about a sibling relationship that isn't what it's supposed to be, this episode offers real permission to step back, set boundaries, and stop measuring your worth by an outdated obligation to stay close no matter what. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — sibling estrangement is more common than you think 02:54 The data: nearly 1 in 4 adults have been estranged from a sibling 05:18 Family systems theory and triangulation 07:36 Parental partisanship: favoritism and the "scapegoat" child 09:59 When sibling relationships become collateral damage in parent conflict 12:21 Why some generations never learned to resolve conflict 14:38 Destabilizing conduct, risk containment, and sibling violence 18:15 Absent foundations: when childhood bonds were never built 20:39 How family estrangement fuels your mental load 21:30 Permission to put people on the "periphery" without guilt 23:01 Setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad person Resources Mentioned: 📄 Research: Rin Resnick, Kane Taurus Beltran, and Candace Cretchfield (Ohio State University) on adult sibling estrangement 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. #MissPerceived #FamilyEstrangement #SiblingRelationships #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Optimization Is Ruining Your Life (And It's Not Even Efficient) | 22 Sep 2026 | 00:16:47 | |
Is optimizing every minute of your day actually making your life better — or just burning you out faster? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner makes the case that optimization culture, especially prevalent in the US, is quietly destroying our ability to rest, create, and simply live. Leah traces how we came to treat time itself as a resource to be maximized — a relatively recent social conditioning that emerged with industrialization — and explains why getting time back (from grocery delivery, AI, or any efficiency hack) rarely translates into rest. Instead, we immediately reinvest that saved time into more productivity, repeating a pattern seen since the first industrial revolution: every gain in efficiency just raises the bar for what "enough" looks like. She connects this to her research on the mental load, sharing a striking story about a woman who drops the activities that bring her joy in order to make more room for stressful, "productive" problem-solving — and asks why we've been trained to treat rest as wasteful. Leah also explores what Gen Z's resistance to hustle culture might mean for the future of work, and why AI and automation may only intensify the pressure to optimize rather than relieve it. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — is optimization good? 01:00 Why optimization pressure feels different in the US vs. Australia 02:20 How eroded social safety nets fuel the need to "game the system" 04:41 Getting time back doesn't mean getting rest back 06:00 A brief history: how time became a resource to optimize 07:00 The fourth industrial revolution: AI, automation, and rising standards 09:23 A woman's insight: dropping joy to make room for "productive" stress 11:48 Why younger generations are rejecting hustle culture 13:00 What happens when optimization stops being efficient at all 14:14 How to reclaim mental space instead of constantly optimizing Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) 📄 Bill Gates' annual letter on AI and the future of work Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. #MissPerceived #Optimization #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Burnout #FutureOfWork Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Super Simple Trick That Can Lighten Your Mental Load | 15 Sep 2026 | 00:07:53 | |
Can teaching your kids to notice mess actually lighten your mental load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner shares a simple, viral tip from her friend Kate Mangino's Good Housekeeping article that's already resonating with thousands online. The idea is deceptively simple: we're not born noticing mess, disorder, or what needs to be done — we're taught to notice it. Kate's solution? Walk her kids around the house and ask them what they see as a problem. It didn't work perfectly at first, but over time, her children learned to notice what needed doing without being asked — and even started noticing different things at other people's houses, building empathy along the way. Leah connects this to her own research on the "messy house study" and the double standard men and women face around mess — including the surprising finding that men do see the mess just as clearly as women do. The real gap isn't perception, it's the emotional weight of noticing and feeling responsible for fixing it. This short but powerful episode gives you one concrete, doable tool to start redistributing that invisible mental load today. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — a tip from Kate Mangino that went viral 01:00 We're not born noticing mess — we're trained to 02:22 Teaching kids to notice: what Kate Mangino's family experiment looked like 03:00 Why noticing at other people's houses builds empathy 03:30 The gender socialization behind who notices what 04:44 Leah's own research: men see the mess just as much as women 05:30 Why "noticing" is really about emotional labor, not perception 06:00 How to try this with your own family Resources Mentioned: 📰 Kate Mangino's article in Good Housekeeping on teaching kids to notice housework 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links. #MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Parenting #DomesticLabor Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Youth Sports are Big Business and Here's What It's Costing Parents | 08 Sep 2026 | 00:13:23 | |
Friday Night Lights, weekly spirit-day outfits, tailgates, private coaches, group chats tracking every practice and sign-up — Professor Leah Ruppanner just moved back to the US after 13 years in Australia, and youth sports culture hit her like a truck. In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah unpacks how American youth sports have become a multi-thousand-dollar investment in kids' "dreams," why it's a hedge that rarely pays off, and how it quietly reshapes the family mental load — including sharp gender divides in which sports (and which kids) actually get the resources. Leah shares stories from her own daughter's flag football season, contrasts American sports culture with the more community-focused, less commercialized approach she saw in Australia, and dives into research showing that while dads are often the ones handling sports logistics and correspondence, moms still end up doing the invisible cleanup work when something falls through the cracks. She also introduces a live research project on where your family's school and extracurricular correspondence is really coming from — and invites you to be part of the data. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — back in the US and immersed in Southern sports culture 01:30 A new research project: where is your correspondence coming from? 02:26 Why dads often take the lead on sports logistics (and where it breaks down) 04:45 Youth sports as a "lottery investment" in your child's future 07:11 Friday Night Lights: money, tailgates, and weekly spirit outfits 09:11 The gender gap: cheerleaders, flag football, and unequal investment 09:34 Comparing US and Australian sports culture 11:50 How you can contribute to Leah's live research on sports and the mental load Resources Mentioned: Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) Upcoming survey: share your experience with youth sports and the mental load Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| "The Mental Load Isn't Real" — Debunking the Internet's Favorite Comment | 01 Sep 2026 | 00:15:42 | |
"The mental load doesn't exist. It's just something women made up to make men feel bad." If you talk about the mental load online, you've seen this comment — and in this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner takes it head on. Leah unpacks why this response shows up constantly (and mostly from men) whenever she, Morgan Cutlip, or Zach Watson post about the mental load, and why the discomfort behind it actually proves the point. She traces the mental load back to 1970s research, redefines it as emotional thinking work (not just remembering things, but remembering things while carrying the anxiety of what happens if you forget), and explains why everyone — including the guy leaving the comment — carries a mental load, just distributed differently. The episode also dives into a powerful listener comment about "linear" versus "messy middle" mental load: the privilege of simply thinking something and doing it, versus the exhausting work of anticipating, monitoring, and juggling a hundred what-ifs that never fully resolve. Leah connects this to her seven mental load stages from Drained and makes the case for why acknowledging invisible labor — at home and at work — is the first step to sharing it. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — becoming an "influencer" and reading the comments 01:00 The comment that keeps showing up: "the mental load isn't real" 02:16 Where the mental load term actually comes from (hint: the 1970s) 04:30 Redefining the mental load as emotional thinking work 06:48 Why everyone carries a mental load — just a different composition 09:06 Eloise's comment: linear mental load vs. the "messy middle" 11:23 Why moving through tasks without worry is actually a privilege 13:39 How to acknowledge invisible labor and start sharing it Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com) 📄 Research: Leah Ruppanner, Liz Dean, and Brendan Churchill on the emotional thinking work definition of the mental load Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. #MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #GenderEquality #Relationships Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Hidden Mental Load of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren | 25 Aug 2026 | 00:17:00 | |
What happens when caregiving never ends — when you cared for your siblings as a child, your own children as an adult, and now your grandchildren in older age? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner discusses Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman, a powerful book based on interviews with over 75 Black grandmothers in Chicago raising their grandchildren. Leah unpacks the historical legacy of racism and family separation that shapes these caregiving arrangements today, the difference between multi-generational and “skipped generation” families, and the immense mental load these grandmothers carry while navigating broken welfare, healthcare, and housing systems — sometimes even having to hide the fact that grandchildren live with them just to access resources. Leah connects this research to a much bigger question about care in every country: what do we lose when caregiving is coerced rather than chosen, and what would it look like if systems — not individual women — carried more of that weight? Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — a book that stayed with Leah all weekend 02:16 Who is Lashonda Pittman, and what is Grandmothering While Black? 04:35 The historical legacy of removing children from Black and Indigenous families 06:53 Multi-generational vs. “skipped generation” families 08:56 Navigating broken systems: welfare, housing, and hidden caregiving 11:07 “There’s no break in the care” — a lifetime of caregiving across generations 13:00 Judy’s story: “I’m ready for a life” 13:31 What we lose when care is coerced instead of chosen 14:30 Sweden’s approach: care systems designed to free people, not trap them 15:30 A bigger question: why do we force caregivers to trade their ambitions? Resources Mentioned: 📘 Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner 🏛️ Better Life Lab — Story Fellows Program Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links. #MissPerceived #Caregiving #GrandparentsRaisingGrandchildren #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Return-to-Office Is Pushing Women Out of Work | 18 Aug 2026 | 00:16:36 | |
When employers demand that people return to the office full-time, who pays the biggest price? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener whose partner is being called back into the office — and whose family is already feeling the consequences. Leah explores what the research says about remote and flexible work, why it became essential for so many mothers’ employment during the pandemic, and why return-to-office mandates risk pushing women out of the workforce again. But flexibility is not a simple fix. Leah unpacks the flexibility paradox: working from home can help women stay employed and manage caregiving, but it can also stretch the workday into early mornings, late nights, and an exhausting always-on cycle of paid work, parenting, housework, and guilt. She also explains the unequal career trade-offs families make. Too often, women make career compromises “for the family,” while men are encouraged to accelerate their careers as breadwinners — even when both parents genuinely want more time with their children. The result is a gendered mental load, unequal long-term earnings, and a system that asks mothers to hold work and family together at once. Chapters: 00:00 A listener asks: What happens when a partner is called back to the office? 01:30 Why return-to-office mandates can hurt women’s careers 02:20 Before COVID, men had greater access to remote and flexible work 03:00 The pandemic’s “exposure effect” — proving work could happen outside the office 04:39 How flexible work helped mothers remain employed 06:44 Why working from home is essential — and why it is not enough 07:30 The flexibility paradox: a resource that expands the workday 09:06 Remote work, maternal guilt, and never being able to clock out 10:00 The career trade-offs women make “for the family” 11:25 Why men and women often make different work decisions for the same family 13:44 Flexible work helps dads care more — without sacrificing their careers 14:30 Class differences in who can access flexibility and who faces job disruption 15:30 The gendered mental load of holding work and family together Research Mentioned: 📘 For the Family: How Class, Gender, and the Family Shape Women’s Work by Sarah Damaske 📚 Research by Professor Heejung Chung on the “flexibility paradox” 📊 Research by Leah Ruppanner, Kristin Landevar, Katie Collins, William Scarborough, Lauren Ryan, and Brendan Churchill on flexible work, caregiving, and employment 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| You Can’t “Strengths-Based” Your Way Out of a Broken System | 11 Aug 2026 | 00:14:26 | |
What does a strengths-based approach actually mean — and when does it become another way of asking people to solve impossible problems alone? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener’s thoughtful question about why her work focuses so much on structural barriers, inequality, and the systems that make life heavier. Leah explains the value of identifying your strengths, resources, resilience, and community support — but also why strength alone cannot fix unaffordable childcare, inaccessible healthcare, discrimination, or a broken labor market. Through research on LGBTQIA+ families, the Mental Load Audit, and the sociological tension between structure and agency, Leah explores how we can use our existing strengths while still demanding collective solutions. You are powerful, resilient, and capable — but you were never meant to carry structural problems by yourself. Chapters: 00:00 A listener asks: Where is the strengths-based approach? 01:30 What “strengths-based” actually means 02:23 Strengths-based vs. deficit-based thinking 03:00 The Mental Load Audit as a practical strengths-based tool 04:46 LGBTQIA+ families, shared experience, and community as a resource 07:06 The problem with “just try harder” 08:00 Why individual resilience can’t solve structural inequality 09:19 Structure and agency: what is yours to carry — and what is not? 10:00 Asking for help, sharing the burden, and building coalitions 11:42 Why lived experience is valuable research and knowledge 12:30 How we change systems without carrying the whole world alone Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab 📱 Follow along on Instagram for research insights and mental-load tools Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner Instagram: @lightenlab TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast About MissPerceived: MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah explores the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out. #MissPerceived #MentalLoad #StrengthsBasedApproach #Sociology #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #SocialChange Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Why Women Use AI Less at Work (And Why That Really Matters) | 04 Aug 2026 | 00:14:26 | |
Are you using AI at work — or quietly avoiding it? In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah digs into new research showing that women are about 25% less likely than men to adopt generative AI tools in their jobs. She explains what that means for careers, organizations, and the “brain” of AI itself, and why low female adoption could make AI less accurate for women’s experiences worldwide. Leah walks through findings from Harvard Business School on global gender gaps in AI use, explores how unsupervised learning means our data is literally training the AI brain, and shows what happens when most of that data comes from men and from rich, English‑speaking countries. She also unpacks the mental load behind women’s hesitation: environmental worries, ethics, stereotypes that say women who use AI are “less competent,” and the pressure to prove your worth without help. Finally, she shares her own experience using AI, why it sometimes feels like “beautiful nonsense,” and asks what kind of future of work we actually want. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — are you using AI at work? 01:30 Future of Work Lab: automation vs. AI (what’s the difference?) 02:17 Harvard Business School findings: women 25% less likely to use AI tools 04:36 How your data trains the AI brain — and what happens when women are missing 06:56 Global gaps: rich countries, English speakers, and who AI really “sees” 07:30 Career consequences when women don’t adopt AI at the same rate 08:00 Organizational losses when only some workers use AI 08:50 Environmental and ethical worries as part of women’s mental load 09:16 Code for Good Now study: women seen as less competent when they use AI 11:45 Occupational sorting: why some jobs see more AI than others 12:30 Leah’s own experience: when AI makes her brain “lazy” 13:51 Generational differences: Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha and tech skepticism 14:30 What kind of future of work do we actually want — and who gets to shape it? Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| I Was Just Diagnosed With Breast Cancer. Please Stop Saying These 5 Things. | 28 Jul 2026 | 00:21:14 | |
When someone you love gets a cancer diagnosis, you want to say the right thing — but often, what comes out does the opposite. In this very personal episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner steps away from the research for a moment to talk about her own recent diagnosis of breast cancer, and the wildly inappropriate (but often well‑intentioned) things people say in response. She shares the five big “please don’t”s she keeps hearing — plus what actually helps when someone is living through cancer or another serious chronic illness. This isn’t about shaming anyone. Leah talks about the times she’s said these exact things to friends, why they come from fear and grief, and how we can all do better at holding space, dumping love in instead of out, and making it easier (not harder) for the person at the center of the storm. Chapters: 00:00 Why this episode is different — Leah’s breast cancer diagnosis 02:28 Don’t tell me about someone else’s cancer story (especially the worst‑case ones) 04:36 Why other people’s stories shift the spotlight away from the person who’s sick 05:30 Don’t ask “what stage is it?” or quiz my screening history 06:59 The hidden message in “when was your last mammogram?” 09:22 When my diagnosis triggers your own fear: sharing your medical history 11:25 “I have a good feeling, you’ll be fine” — why that shuts down real feelings 13:46 Questioning medical advice when you’re not the oncologist 16:03 What actually helps: holding space, listening, asking what’s needed 18:14 Learning to slow down, receive care, and feel the collective love What to say instead (Leah’s script you can steal):
Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More 🧠 More on the mental load and chronic illness in other MissPerceived episodes Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Is Upward Mobility Dead? How Parenting Styles Shape Your Kids’ Future | 21 Jul 2026 | 00:16:57 | |
Are you secretly preparing your kids for downward mobility? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner asks a huge question many parents are quietly wrestling with: is upward mobility dead, and what does that mean for how we raise our children? Drawing on Annette Lareau’s classic research on concerted cultivation and natural growth, Leah unpacks how different parenting styles map onto class, opportunity, and mental load — and why so many parents feel stuck between dreaming big for their kids and just trying to make ends meet. She explores why upper‑middle‑class parenting can feel like relentless investment and optimization, how working‑class and poor parents create more freedom and magic in kids’ everyday lives, and what newer research shows about what all parents think “good parenting” should look like. Most importantly, she asks whether constantly raising the bar is helping our children, or just burning everyone out in a system no individual family can out‑parent. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — is upward mobility dead? 01:30 Preparing kids for downward mobility: what parents are saying 02:27 Mental load, money stress, and families who are just making ends meet 03:00 Annette Lareau’s research: concerted cultivation vs. natural growth 04:46 What concerted cultivation looks like in everyday family life 07:04 Natural growth: rules for safety, freedom for play, kids’ worlds without adults 09:30 The upsides and downsides of each parenting style 10:30 Patrick Ishizuka’s studies: what all parents agree is “good parenting” 11:52 Why mothers hold themselves to harsher standards than fathers 13:23 The pressure to invest in everything — and why you can’t out‑parent billionaires 14:11 How to bring more fun, freedom, and lower stakes back into childhood 15:29 What works in your culture and family? Leah wants to hear from you Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| When Your Brain Works Differently: Neurodiversity and the Mental Load | 14 Jul 2026 | 00:15:41 | |
What if your brain works differently from everyone else’s — and you’re still expected to carry the same invisible load for your family, work, and life? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner explores how neurodivergent folks (ADHD, OCD, bipolar, and beyond) experience the mental load in uniquely complex and often heavier ways. She breaks down the seven stages of the mental load, shows where things get especially hard when you’re prone to rumination, catastrophizing, or forgetting, and explains why social norms demanding perfection make all of this even more overwhelming. Leah also shares what she’s learned from interviews and from living with a partner who has ADHD, and offers a gentler way forward: more compassion, more curiosity, shared systems, and dropping what doesn’t actually need your brain’s limited energy. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — neurodiversity and the mental load 01:00 What the mental load really is (beyond a to‑do list) 02:41 When your brain works differently: distraction, rumination, worst‑case thinking 05:03 The seven stages of the mental load: identify, remember, strategize, decide, delegate, execute, monitor 07:24 How ADHD, OCD, and other neurodivergences change each stage 09:41 Social norms that demand perfection — especially from women 11:55 Why this becomes a recipe for disaster (and it’s not your fault) 13:00 Using the Mental Load Audit: what to drop, delegate, and reduce 14:22 Conversations that help: explaining how your brain works to your family 16:00 Compassion, curiosity, and building better systems together Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — learn your 8 mental load types Stay Connected with Leah: Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe NOW: /@missperceivedpodcast Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Truth About Care: What Americans Get Wrong About Child & Aged Care | 07 Jul 2026 | 00:17:08 | |
Most people say care is valuable. They believe childcare workers and home care aides are skilled and that governments and employers should help pay for care. But when you ask them what care actually costs — or what high-quality care really looks like — they are wildly off. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new report from New America's Better Life Lab on what she calls the "care disconnect": the gap between how we feel about care and what we actually know about its price, quality, and impact on families. From US childcare costs and state-to-state differences to aged care, disability, and a Swedish example that will make you want to move tomorrow, Leah shows why we don't understand care until we're in it — and why that has huge consequences for our mental load and our future. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Lifecrafting: The Hidden Mental Load of Building the Life You Actually Want | 30 Jun 2026 | 00:12:34 | |
Have you ever heard the term "lifecrafting"? It comes from a new piece of research out of UCL — and it describes something you might already be doing without knowing it: using your mental energy to deliberately think through the why behind your decisions and craft the life you want over time. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner digs into this fascinating concept, connects it to her own research on the mental load, and then asks the harder question: is lifecrafting actually available to everyone — or is it a privilege reserved for those with the most resources? And why are young people booing at commencement speeches? Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — what is lifecrafting? 01:00 The UCL research: Frampton, Gould & Cox on lifecrafting and the mental load 01:45 How lifecrafting connects to Leah's "Meta Medicare" mental load type 02:18 Do you lifecraft? And has it gotten harder over time? 03:00 Why we encourage lifecrafting in young people — and why it's now backfiring 03:30 The commencement speech backlash: why students are booing 04:44 Structural forces that crush lifecrafting: inflation, AI, broken care systems 05:30 The gendered problem: women lifecraft for others, men lifecraft for themselves 06:00 Is lifecrafting only possible for the rich? 07:06 Individual agency vs. structural headwinds — a sociology superpower moment 08:00 Conclusion: lifecrafting is unequally distributed by income, gender, and age 09:27 Who is responsible for opening up lifecrafting to all? 10:00 What happens when young people stop seeing a future worth crafting? 11:00 Lifecrafting vs. dream building — how the concepts differ Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Clutter Problem: Why Piles Around the House Are Draining Your Mental Load | 22 Jun 2026 | 00:15:33 | |
Leah posted one question on Instagram — "What do you hold to a higher standard in your household than anyone else?" — and got 26,000 views and 200 comments. The answer that came through louder than anything else? The clutter. The piles. The stuff that just sits there while everyone walks past it pretending it doesn't exist. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks why household clutter is so emotionally activating, why it's a mental load issue hiding in plain sight, and what the research (and your comments) reveal about who's really responsible for making it disappear. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Equality vs. Equity: Which One Does Your Relationship Actually Need? | 16 Jun 2026 | 00:17:30 | |
A listener emailed Leah with a question straight from the middle of a relationship argument: what's the difference between equality and equity and which one should we actually be striving for? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down one of sociology's most important distinctions and brings it all the way home, literally. From time-use research and the mental load to leisure time, burnout, and the economy of gratitude, Leah explains why your relationship probably needs both equality and equity, why getting stuck in only one is a trap, and why giving endlessly to everyone else while putting yourself last isn't equity: it's gaslighting yourself. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — a listener question sparks the episode 01:00 What is equality? Access, time use, and equal divisions of labor 03:00 Time-based equality in relationships — tracking who does what 04:08 Why time as a measure of productivity is becoming less useful in the AI age 06:21 The mental load and equality — what Drained adds to the picture 07:30 What is equity? Giving more to those who need more 08:39 The economy of gratitude — how households naturally use equity 09:30 Why mothers get stuck in the equity mindset and burn out 10:53 Equity without equality is gaslighting — and it needs to stop 11:30 How to undulate between equity and equality in your relationship 12:30 Kate Mangino: relationships balance out over time — but only if you're conscious of it 13:23 Brian Page and Modern Husbands: equal leisure time as a key equality measure 14:30 The beautiful cycle: inequality → equity → equality → repeat 15:29 Share your experience — Leah wants to hear what's working for you Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Do Men Feel Guilt? The Science of Guilt, Motherhood & Why You Can't Stop Upscaling | 09 Jun 2026 | 00:20:47 | |
Do men actually feel guilt — or does it just look different? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner dives into one of her most viral Instagram moments and the research that sparked it: the striking difference between how men and women experience guilt in family life. Drawing on Marianne Cooper's landmark studies, Leah unpacks a concept called "upscaling" — why when life gets uncertain, many mothers respond by raising the bar, seeking control, and comparing themselves to others, all of which leads to more guilt, not less. If you've ever felt like you can't stop optimizing, can't lower your standards, and can't stop looking sideways at what other people are doing — this episode is for you. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — guilt, Instagram fame, and a viral post 01:00 Do men feel guilt? What the research and the comments say 02:18 How men transition guilt into action — and why breadwinner norms neutralize it 04:35 Why women don't get the same guilt negation — and why that's a problem 05:30 Is guilt even a useful emotion? What it's actually signaling 06:54 Marianne Cooper's research: upscaling vs. downscaling under pressure 08:00 The optimization trap — why highly educated mothers burn through mental load energy 09:16 Three strategies mothers use when upscaling: raise the bar, seek control, compare 11:36 Food, motherhood guilt, and the pressure of home-cooked organic meals 13:00 Why "solely responsible" became the default — and how we got here 14:30 Social media as the ultimate social comparison machine 16:09 What Drained says: good is good enough, and social comparison is the thief of joy 18:27 Guilt as a signal vs. guilt as a trap — and how to tell the difference Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| From Lean In to Leaned On: The Workplace Trap No One Warned Women About | 02 Jun 2026 | 00:14:38 | |
You were told to lean in. Work harder, say yes, show up, do more — and you'd be rewarded. But what if leaning in actually created a trap? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah unpacks one of the most important shifts she's hearing about in interviews and research conversations around the world: the lean-in generation has quietly become the leaned-on generation. From office housework to being the unofficial encyclopedia of the workplace, Leah breaks down how women's competence, compliance, and care are being exploited — and what it's going to take to make that invisible labor finally visible. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Why "What's For Dinner?" Feels So Hard: The Mental Load Behind Every Meal | 26 May 2026 | 00:19:39 | |
Why does figuring out what's for dinner feel so exhausting — every single night? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down exactly why dinner time is one of the biggest mental load pain points she hears about across her research and interviews. Spoiler: it's not just about the food. Dinner time activates all eight mental load types simultaneously — from life organization and safety to magic making and dream building — and it's happening inside a food system that is increasingly broken and putting the pressure squarely on parents to fix it. If dinner feels heavier than it should, this episode explains exactly why. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — why dinner is a mental load disaster 02:23 How the eight mental load types map onto dinner time 02:40 Mental load type 1: Life organization — do you have everything you need? 04:39 Mental load types 2 & 3: Relationship hygiene and emotional support at the table 06:58 Mental load type 4: Magic making — when dinner goes gloriously right 08:00 Anticipating what could go wrong — and chasing the magic anyway 08:30 Mental load type 5: Dream building — dinner as connection time 09:14 Mental load types 6 & 7: Safety and food allergies — when the stakes are life or death 11:35 Mental load type 8: The broken food system and parental guilt 13:51 Why trad wife nostalgia makes sense — and why it's a trap 15:00 Lobbying against nutritious food — and why you're left to solve it alone 16:05 What to do: share the load, use AI, let the kids cook, let go of control 18:25 Is dinner time a doom drain or a magical moment for you? Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com Stay Connected with Leah: TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| How to Do a Mental Load Audit (And Finally Get Your Energy Back) | 19 May 2026 | 00:20:15 | |
You can't fix what you can't see. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner walks you through the Mental Load Audit — the step-by-step tool at the heart of her book Drained that helps you figure out exactly where your mental energy is going, who's getting it, and whether it's actually aligned with your goals and dreams. This isn't about changing the world or adding more to your plate. It's about getting ruthlessly clear on your spend, dropping what doesn't deserve your energy, and finally starting to work toward what actually matters to you. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction — Drained is out in the world! 02:17 Why telling overwhelmed people to "change the world" is unfair 03:30 What the mental load actually is — a quick refresher 04:33 The three characteristics: invisible, boundaryless, enduring 05:00 Step 1 of the Mental Load Audit — are you in burnout? 05:45 Step 2 — where is your mental load energy going across the 8 types? 06:55 Credits vs. debits — which parts of your mental load fill you up vs. drain you? 07:30 Who is getting your energy — and do they deserve it? 08:30 People pleasing as a mental load drain 09:12 Who goes on the bench — and who gets evicted 09:45 Step 3 — get clear on your dreams, goals and ambitions 10:30 Mental load loves, mental load drops, and mental load mores 11:33 Real example: does a messy house actually matter? 13:57 Understanding your partner's mental load through the lens of their dreams 16:20 You can do this audit alone — you don't need your partner's buy-in 17:30 How to start the conversation from the dream, not the fight 18:19 It's all in the book — worksheets, chapters, and the online appendix Resources Mentioned: 📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More 🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — https://www.lightenlab.com Stay Connected with Leah: TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com Don't miss an episode! Subscribe NOW: /@missperceivedpodcast Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Maycember Is Real: The Mental Load Spike No One Warned You About | 12 May 2026 | 00:15:44 | |
Have you heard of #Maycember? It's the viral term capturing what parents — especially moms — experience every May: a relentless pile-on of teacher gifts, summer camp signups, end-of-year events, school correspondence on overdrive, and the pressure to make everyone feel celebrated before the school year ends. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down why this isn't just a busy season — it's a mental load spike driven by broken systems, eroded safety nets, and a culture that asks individual parents to solve what should be collective problems. If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, this episode will validate exactly why. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Let Them: Why Letting Go and Delegating Feels So Hard | 05 May 2026 | 00:13:21 | |
In this episode of Missperceived, Leah paints a painfully familiar picture: you finally hand off a task—signing the permission slip, managing a parent’s medication, organizing a meal—and instead of feeling lighter, you feel more anxious. You worry they’ll forget, won’t follow instructions, or won’t do it the way you know would make your child or parent feel truly cared for. Leah unpacks why delegation is so emotionally loaded, especially for women who’ve been set up as default caregivers for kids, partners, friends, coworkers, and aging parents. She connects this to a growing care crisis, where more and more women are being squeezed between supporting their own households and looking after older relatives, often at the cost of their paid work and wellbeing. Drawing on her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and her “audit” tool, she shares how to decide what to hand off, who to trust with it, and—crucially—how to stop tracking and overthinking once you’ve delegated, so other people actually get the chance to step up and grow. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Do Some People Just Have More Bandwidth? How to Grow Your Capacity (Without Burning Out) | 28 Apr 2026 | 00:11:21 | |
In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah celebrates that Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More is finally out—and dives into a question readers keep asking her: do some people simply have more bandwidth than others, and is it possible to grow your own capacity without destroying yourself in the process? She explains why she thinks of all the invisible planning, worrying, and coordinating you do as a finite resource, not an endless well, and shares what she’s hearing from new “invisible work” collaboratives she’s convening in London, DC, and beyond. Leah explores why some people seem naturally able to carry more, how age and life stage shape your personal bandwidth, and how you might actually expand your capacity by cutting out pointless drains and getting more efficient at the thinking work that really matters to you and your family. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel tapped out while someone else looks like they’re “handling it all,” this episode offers a new, more compassionate way to understand your limits—and what you can do with the energy you have. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| How Your Job Follows You Home (and Back Again) | 21 Apr 2026 | 00:18:23 | |
In this episode, Leah finally pulls back the curtain on a piece of her research she hasn’t fully shared yet: the mental load at work and how it travels both directions between your job and your home. Drawing on her book Drained: How to Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More and prior research with colleagues at the University of Melbourne, she explains why the mental load is not just “to-do lists” or cognitive labor, but invisible, boundaryless, emotional thinking work you carry everywhere you go. Leah walks through the eight types of mental load and invites you to look at how they show up differently in your work life versus your home life, using insights from her Lighten Lab assessment tool. She highlights what her studies are finding about dads in particular: men are often thinking intensely about safety and “dream building” for the family, trying to show up as better, more emotionally present fathers than their own dads while also compartmentalizing work so it doesn’t bleed into home. The twist? When men feel justified in investing in their own dreams and rest, many women are still running everything behind the scenes—fueling resentment and burnout. This episode gives you language to see your work mental load clearly and to start rebalancing it in your own life. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Breast Cancer, Big Dreams, and the Mental Load of Complex Care | 14 Apr 2026 | 00:22:27 | |
Right before launching her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, Leah found a lump in her breast on vacation and was diagnosed with breast cancer. In this deeply personal episode, she shares what it feels like to carry the emotional thinking work of a serious health crisis on top of everyday life: worrying about your child’s future, your career, your dreams, and everyone else’s feelings while trying to process your own. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Harsh Truth: Your Parents Can’t Fix This For You | 07 Apr 2026 | 00:15:57 | |
In this episode, Leah says the quiet part out loud: your parents (and older generations) are probably not the people who can help you solve your biggest life problems right now. Drawing on themes from Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, she unpacks why the world you’re managing—pandemics, political instability, climate anxiety, precarious work, AI, and always-on social media—is fundamentally different from the one they came of age in. She explores what happens when you go looking “up” or “down” generations for support and end up with blame, outdated advice, or total misunderstanding instead of comfort. Leah talks about the mental load of carrying your own crises and doing relationship repair across generations, and offers a compassionate reframe: stop asking people to understand a world they don’t live in, and start finding the people who can actually see you, support you, and tell you what you most need to hear—you’re doing a great job. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Real Reason You're So Exhausted (it's not what you think) | 31 Mar 2026 | 00:17:02 | |
Today, Professor Leah pulls back the curtain on a sneaky problem hiding inside your already overloaded brain: duplicated mental load. Drawing on her new book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, she explains why mental load is emotional thinking work, how it stretches across eight types and seven stages, and why so much of it is being quietly double- (or triple-) handled in our homes and relationships. Leah shares a story about how one unpredictable morning (RIP Spuds) blew up her carefully planned day, then uses it to show why mental load is more like a limited bank account than an endless resource. You’ll learn how to spot where you and others are all worrying about the same tasks, when that duplication actually helps, and when it’s just burning you out. If you’re waking up exhausted, constantly planning for everyone, and wondering why you never feel “finished,” this conversation will help you see your mental load clearly and give you a simple first step: find the duplication, and drop what isn’t yours to carry. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| How to Talk to Your Partner About the Mental Load Without Fighting | 24 Mar 2026 | 00:20:18 | |
If every conversation about housework, childcare, careers, and the mental load seems to end in frustration, resentment, or a full-blown fight, this episode is for you. Leah breaks down why these talks get stuck, how gender norms shape what each partner hears, and why leading with your dreams instead of your overwhelm can change the entire conversation. Drawing from her research and her upcoming book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, Leah shares a practical approach for getting clearer on what you want, what support you need, and who is actually best equipped to help you get there. She also explains why both partners may be telling the truth about their fears, even when they feel like they’re speaking completely different languages. This episode offers a powerful shift: instead of asking, “Why aren’t you doing what I’m doing?”, ask, “How do we support each other’s goals as a family?” Leah’s advice is equal parts honest, compassionate, and actionable, with a focus on reducing conflict, sharing the load more fairly, and building a relationship that makes room for both people’s ambitions. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Parenting Problem No One Prepared Us For: Social Media | 17 Mar 2026 | 00:20:05 | |
Should kids be on social media? Or should we ban it entirely? In this episode of Misperceived, we tackle one of the most complicated parenting questions today: social media and children. Parents everywhere are struggling to figure out the right approach. Should kids have smartphones early so they can learn how to navigate the digital world? Should parents strictly monitor and limit access? Or should children stay off social media entirely until they’re older? The truth is—there’s no simple answer. As a social scientist who studies the mental load, I’ve heard from countless parents who say that monitoring their children’s digital lives is one of the biggest sources of stress and cognitive burden they face today. From worrying about online safety and misinformation to navigating addictive algorithms and social pressure, parents are being asked to manage something previous generations never had to deal with. In this episode, we explore:
We also talk about what it means to help kids become responsible digital citizens, how to have honest conversations about what they see online, and why this issue requires solutions from families, tech companies, schools, and governments—not just parents. If you’re a parent, educator, or anyone trying to understand how technology is shaping the next generation, this episode is for you. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| The Coming Care Crisis: Gray Tsunami, Mental Load, and Why Our Systems Will Break | 10 Mar 2026 | 00:21:55 | |
In this episode of Misperceived, Leah unpacks the “gray tsunami” and explains why the real future-of-work crisis isn’t just AI—it’s caregiving. She widens the lens on care beyond moms and little kids to include aging parents, partners, friends, disabled family members, and even our future selves, showing how this rising care demand is slamming into already maxed‑out mental loads and pushing especially women out of the labor market. Leah breaks down what an aging population means for our economies, workplaces, and daily lives, why relying on families’ unpaid labor and low‑wage workers is an unsustainable strategy, and how putting care—not just GDP and productivity—at the center could spark new policies, business models, and community solutions. You’ll be invited to imagine what a “care-first” society and workplace might look like, and how we can start building it before the wave fully hits. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Is It Really Your Fault? How Social Norms Shape Your Life | 03 Mar 2026 | 00:16:20 | |
In this episode of Misperceived, Leah asks a deceptively simple question: Is it actually your fault—or did society make you do it? Drawing on her training as a sociologist and her book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, she breaks down what sociology is (and how it’s different from psychology) and shows how invisible social norms quietly script our choices, behaviors, and sense of failure. From the myth that women are “naturally” great multitaskers to the pressure to be the perfect mom with the perfect home—and the stereotype that dads are inherently bad at caregiving—Leah reveals how these stories overload women, sideline men, and keep everyone stuck. You’ll learn how to spot when you’re carrying the blame for broken systems instead of actual mistakes, how to question the “shoulds,” “musts,” and “what ifs” running your life, and how to start using sociology as your superpower so you can move through the world with more agency, less guilt, and a lot more self-compassion. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| This is Actually Why You Wake Up Exhausted | 24 Feb 2026 | 00:16:18 | |
In this episode of Misperceived, Leah gets honest about her late-night doomscrolling habit and why “just checking your phone” leaves so many women wired, anxious, and exhausted the next day. Drawing from her research and her upcoming book Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More, she explains how constant exposure to heavy news and social media pings our mental load to care, to keep our families safe, and to emotionally support others—draining the limited energy we need for work, parenting, and showing up in the world with any sense of power or hope. You’ll learn how to see doomscrolling as a mental load leak instead of a moral obligation, what to do in those 2 a.m. wakeups instead, and how to realign your time, feeds, and attention so you can actually rest and still have capacity to take meaningful action on the things you care about. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Dream Building in a Broken System: Why Your Mental Load Isn’t the Problem | 17 Feb 2026 | 00:20:02 | |
In this episode of Misperceived, Leah pulls back the curtain on a powerful mental load category from her forthcoming book, Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More—dream building. She explains how women’s dreams get quietly starved as they carry invisible, boundaryless, and enduring thinking work for their families, workplaces, and communities, and why that’s a loss for everyone, not just women. Leah digs into why work and caregiving feel impossible to combine, why so many women are stepping out of the labor market, and how ageism and a rapidly changing, AI-driven economy make it so hard to get back in. You’ll hear why you cannot personally fix broken systems, why adaptability is now a core future-of-work skill, and how the Mental Load Audit can help you make small, strategic shifts toward the life you actually want—without burning yourself out trying to “do it all.” Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Valentine’s Day, Mental Load, and Loving Yourself | 09 Feb 2026 | 00:13:11 | |
On this episode Prof Leah breaks down why Valentine’s Day can feel less like a celebration and more like a mental load marathon for moms, partners, and singles. She talks about the pressure to plan the “perfect” day, the emotional exhaustion of dating apps, and the hidden expectations women carry around romance, gifts, and feeling seen. You’ll hear practical reframes for taking the pressure down, spreading love across all 365 days, and turning February 14th into a day of self-nurturing on your own terms Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Unlearning Body Shame | 03 Feb 2026 | 00:15:02 | |
On this episode, Leah explores how generational messages have taught women to feel shame about their changing bodies—from tight jeans and bodysuits in the 80s and 90s to today’s high-waisted shorts and leggings. She reflects on growing up hyperaware of every outline and curve, and how that discomfort still echoes when she sees her own daughter getting dressed. Through personal stories, a feminist lens on choice and self-expression, and a look at how media and beauty culture have policed women’s bodies, Leah asks what it means to stop hiding, stop apologizing, and allow girls and women to exist in their bodies without embarrassment. In the end, she celebrates a new generation that seems less interested in shrinking themselves and more interested in living fully, visibly, and unapologetically in the skin they’re in. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Illness and Guilt: When Being Sick Feels Like Failing | 27 Jan 2026 | 00:18:54 | |
Everyone is sick right now—and somehow, you still feel bad for needing to lie down. In this episode of Misperceived, Leah unpacks why so many women feel guilty when they get sick, even when their families are fine, fed, and happily living on Hot Pockets and Uncrustables. Drawing on global stories from the U.S., Australia, and Sweden, she breaks down how culture, capitalism, and the lack of a safety net teach us that illness is a personal failure and rest is something we have to earn. She then connects this to the mental load of motherhood: when you’re the keeper of everyone’s schedules, prescriptions, and needs, being “out of commission” feels dangerous—like everything might fall apart. Leah offers a different script: letting others step in is not neglect, it’s necessary. You are one essential piece of your family, not the only one. You deserve rest in your body and your mind without narrating a guilt spiral the whole time. If you’ve ever felt anxious under the covers instead of actually recovering, this episode is your permission to be sick, be cared for, and stop apologizing for being human. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Stop Trying to Fix Your Whole Life in January: Mental Load, Resolutions, and Real Rest | 20 Jan 2026 | 00:16:16 | |
January isn’t a fresh start if you’re already running on fumes from making everyone else’s holidays magical. In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah unpacks why so many women swing from December over-giving straight into “new year, new me” overachieving—launching businesses, overhauling their bodies, and rewriting their whole lives before February even hits. She breaks down the mental load hangover, why perfectionist resolutions backfire, and how to set goals that are actually aligned with your values, your energy, and your real life. You’ll hear why you don’t need to shrink, hustle, or “upgrade” yourself to deserve rest, and how to enter 2026 from a place of “I’m already enough” instead of “I am the project.” If you’re tired of vision boards, bingo-card resolutions, and self-improvement that feels like self-punishment, this one’s your permission slip to do less, eat carbs, and build a life that expands you instead of drains you. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Post-Holiday Chaos, Mental Load, and Why You're So Exhausted | 13 Jan 2026 | 00:11:58 | |
Feeling like you have to declutter the entire house, redesign your space, and fix consumerism itself… all before the tree is even down? This episode breaks down the post-holiday “mental load hangover” and explains why the pressure to create and then undo all the holiday magic is not a personal failing, but part of the eight types of mental load described in Leah’s upcoming book, Drained. Leah dives into magic making, gendered expectations around home and mess, and why your cortisol spikes when your space is chaotic, then offers a way to audit your mental load so you can spend your energy more strategically and give yourself some grace this season. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Are Women Really “Less Ambitious”? The Truth Behind the Research | 06 Jan 2026 | 00:15:07 | |
Did women suddenly lose their ambition—or did the 2025 Lean In & McKinsey “Women in the Workplace” report give everyone the wrong story about what’s actually going on? In this episode, Professor Leah takes a blowtorch to the idea of a so‑called “ambition gap,” arguing that the real problem isn’t women’s drive, it’s burnout, mental load, and structural barriers at work and at home. Leah breaks down why women, who now earn more degrees and participate in the workforce at historically high rates, can still look at the next promotion and think “I literally cannot carry one more thing,” while men are socially rewarded for chasing the top job. You’ll learn:
If you’ve ever been told you’re “not ambitious enough” while simultaneously doing everything for everyone, this episode is your permission slip to call bullshit—and to start imagining a version of success that doesn’t require you to disappear to achieve it. Keywords: women in the workplace, ambition gap, Lean In report, McKinsey, burnout, mental load, working moms, gender bias, promotions, women’s careers. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Is Your Messy House Making You Sick? Clutter, Cortisol, and the Invisible Mental Load | 23 Dec 2025 | 00:15:24 | |
Is the clutter in your home actually messing with your health—or are you just “too sensitive”? In this episode of Misperceived, Professor Leah Ruppaner breaks down the science on clutter, stress, and the mental load, including a landmark UCLA study showing that women who describe their homes as cluttered and unfinished have elevated cortisol patterns across the day, while men in the same homes don’t show the same spike. Leah unpacks why a messy house hits women harder, how invisible labor and constant “noticing” turn piles of stuff into a 24/7 to‑do list, and why you are not the problem for feeling overwhelmed by dishes, laundry, and half‑done projects. You’ll learn:
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Who Do They Call First? The Hidden Mental Load of Being the “Default Parent” | 16 Dec 2025 | 00:21:58 | |
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah unpacks what really happens when something goes wrong with your kids and the school, coach, or doctor has to pick up the phone: who do they call first, and why is it almost always mom? Drawing on new research from the Quarterly Journal of Economics and her own mental load interviews, Leah breaks down how schools and other institutions default to mothers as the family “911 call center,” even when parents explicitly ask them to call dad instead. She explains how this constant correspondence quietly reshapes women’s careers, health, and relationships, and offers practical ways dads, schools, and couples can push back on these norms so the burden is shared more fairly at home Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Your College Bestie Changed Your Brain (And Your Adult Friendships) | 09 Dec 2025 | 00:17:36 | |
Why do college besties hit different from every other friendship you’ve had since? In this episode of Misperceived, Prof Leah breaks down what makes university friendships so intense and enduring, weaving in research on brain development, “self‑authorship,” and how women use friendships to test ideas, build identity, and stay sane in a hostile world. She explains why that 3 a.m. pizza‑and‑life‑chat friend often becomes your lifelong go‑to for truth, comfort, and tough love—and why those bonds set an almost impossibly high bar for adult friendships that get squeezed into work, school pick‑ups, and spin class. This episode doubles as a love letter to your uni bestie and an invitation to notice (and nurture) the people who have walked with you through your biggest growth spurts, even if they didn’t happen on a beach campus with epic house parties. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Helicopter Parenting, Teen Sex, and the Crushing Mental Load | 02 Dec 2025 | 00:13:28 | |
When does keeping your kids safe turn into quietly wrecking their chances to grow up? In this episode, Prof Leah unpacks teen dating—covenants, text surveillance, and all—and asks what happens when parents’ fear of the future swallows their kids’ present. Drawing on her research on the mental load (and her forthcoming book Drained), she connects helicopter parenting, constant digital surveillance, and perfection pressure to teens’ isolation, anxiety, and lack of room to fail, urging parents to back off, drop the impossible standards, and let kids be gloriously imperfect humans. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Phone a Friend: Why Texting Your Bestie Is Science-Backed Stress Relief | 25 Nov 2025 | 00:09:52 | |
Ever feel like your day is just one “Are you kidding me?” moment after another? This week, Prof. Leah breaks down why some meetings should be illegal, how flat tires seem to know when you’re at your limit, and why venting to your best friend might actually be the healthiest thing you can do after a week of emotional overload . Drawing on new research from the Journal of Adolescent Health, we look at how teens—and adults—really cope with stress, and why texting a trusted friend trumps doomscrolling or actually sitting with your feelings (no judgment if you still want that bath and a glass of wine) . Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| How’s Dad Doing? The New Mental Load of Fatherhood | 18 Nov 2025 | 00:20:47 | |
On this episode of MissPerceived, Leah flips the script on the mental load, shifting focus from mothers to the evolving experience of dads. Drawing from new research and hundreds of interviews across the US and Australia, Leah unpacks how modern fathers are navigating emotional thinking work-what she calls the “mental load logics”-while managing family, work, and parenting standards that have changed almost overnight. From comparing themselves to their own fathers (as anti-models or “good, but I can do better”) to wrestling with gendered expectations in their partnerships, today’s dads face a cognitive challenge that’s often overlooked. Leah explores the concept of metaparenting, the self-reflective work of deciding who you want to be as a parent in a society with few clear role models for engaged fatherhood. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Why You Can’t Outsource Your Mental Load: The Sticky Truth for Moms | 11 Nov 2025 | 00:15:25 | |
On this episode, Professor Leah dives into new research revealing why high-powered, high-earning mothers still can’t shake their mental load—no matter how much money, help, or flexibility they gain. Discover the difference between core and episodic mental load, why domestic cognitive labor sticks to women regardless of income or status, and how “gender stickiness” explains persistent burnout among mothers. With insights from over 2,000 parents and fresh findings on fatherhood, this episode gives a validating look into why women can outsource chores but not the relentless task of organizing, remembering, and anticipating every detail of family life. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Back to Work? Why Motherhood, Work, and Gender Myths Still Trip Us Up | 04 Nov 2025 | 00:16:14 | |
We’re digging into the real deal behind that “return to work” moment after having a baby. Have you ever wondered if you’re supposed to feel overwhelmed, lost, or suddenly less “yourself” as a mother, or if it’s just you? Spoiler: it’s not just you, and it’s not a flaw. On this episode, Leah breaks down what brand new research tells us about why mothers feel double the time pressure (hint: it’s not just diapers and sleepless nights), how cutting back work hours really affects mental health, and why all those stories about “doing it all” are misperceived from the get-go. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Midlife Divorce: The (Real) Costs, Gender Myths, and What to Never Give Up | 28 Oct 2025 | 00:19:10 | |
Let’s get brutally honest about what really happens when you split up after 40. Professor Leah dives into the latest divorce research (with a little side-eye at bad advice and bad exes). Whether you’re thinking of leaving or just hanging on by a thread, you’ll get clear-eyed advice about dividing up homes and pensions, what happens when “the kids are grown,” and why being practical (and maybe a little ruthless) matters. Expect global stories, a few laughs, and plenty of “don’t be scared, be prepared” truth bombs. This episode is for anyone staring down a midlife divorce and wanting the inside scoop on protecting your heart and your future security. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||
| Stop Saying These 5 Phrases at Work If You Want a Promotion | 07 Oct 2025 | 00:21:03 | |
Professor Leah breaks down five everyday phrases women use—“I’m sorry for unloading,” “I don’t want to step on toes,” “I’m not that smart,” “I’m not sure, but…,” and “I’m so sorry for…”—and exposes the gender myths that fuel them, from needing to be liked to staying small and humble even when right. Together we’ll learn why taking up space, speaking with conviction, and sharing imperfect ideas drive innovation, reduce self-doubt, and build more equitable workplaces and relationships. You’ll get practical language shifts to help you own your expertise, stop over-apologizing, and lead with confidence. Perfect for women in leadership, early-career professionals, and allies committed to gender equity, future of work conversations, and culture change. Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. | |||