Middle Men is a podcast for men who don't fit neatly into society's straight or gay boxes.
Maybe you live a publicly straight life, but privately you're not entirely straight. Maybe you're bi or only into guys, but don't fit neatly into the spaces designed for you. Maybe you don't have a label and don't want one.
Middle Men was built for you — the guy in the middle. No labels required. No judgment. Just other guys who get it.
I'm the host, Brendan O'Hara — I grew up straight, came out as gay, then landed in the middle. There was no podcast or community for guys like us, so I built it.
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I've Been Out for 25 Years. People Still Assume I'm Straight . — Ron Gray
Season 1 · Episode 9
Tuesday, October 20, 2026 • Duration 01:40:48
He's been openly gay for 25 years. He's comfortable with his sexuality. So why does 54-year-old Ron Gray still feel like he's searching for somewhere he belongs?
In Episode 9 of Middle Men, Brendan sits down with Ron, a gay man living in rural Kentucky, for an honest conversation about sexuality, masculinity, friendship, loneliness, and the lifelong search for authentic connection.
Ron shares what it was like discovering his attraction to men at 28, coming out to family and friends, and navigating everyday situations where people assume he's straight—even after 25 years of living openly as a gay man.
He also talks about why most of his closest friends are straight men, why traditional gay social spaces have never quite felt like home, and the difficulty of finding meaningful platonic friendships without sexual expectations.
Living in rural Kentucky presents its own challenges, particularly when it comes to meeting other gay and bisexual men. But Ron's story challenges some assumptions about rural America and explores the difference between fitting in and truly belonging.
Later, the conversation turns to Ron's remarkable professional journey, his experiences with burnout and grief, and how breathwork, men's work, and nervous system regulation transformed his relationship with himself and others.
ABOUT RON GRAY
Ron is a 54-year-old Kentucky native, former emergency department registered nurse, CEO, COO, and healthcare entrepreneur. After decades of business leadership, he transitioned into somatic practice, breathwork facilitation, and embodied leadership coaching.
Today, Ron runs The Dimensional Method, helping people develop nervous system regulation skills, emotional awareness, and greater capacity to navigate life's challenges. He also operates Brookhaven Retreats, a rural Kentucky cabin getaway offering sauna, cold plunge, and retreat experiences.
00:00 I'm Tired of Coming Out 10:08 Coming Out to His Barber 15:39 The Fear of Losing Connection 21:45 Growing Up in Kentucky 29:21 Childhood, Family, and Success 37:07 His First Kiss With a Man 40:33 Coming Out in Kentucky 43:26 Not Fitting In at Gay Bars 52:49 Finding Meaningful Male Friendships 1:06:36 Being Gay in Rural America 1:08:54 Too Gay? Too Straight? 1:21:15 Burnout, Grief, and Starting Over 1:27:21 Brookhaven Cabins and Retreats 1:29:02 Nervous System Regulation 1:36:52 Finding Community and Belonging
JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY
Middle Men is a private community for men who don't fit neatly into society's straight or gay boxes. Connect with other gay, bi, closeted, questioning, fluid, and unlabeled men through shared interests, hobbies, experiences, and meaningful conversations.
Members can participate anonymously and choose how much of themselves they want to share.
This conversation is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care. Ron's coaching and nervous system training are not therapy.
If you've ever felt like you don't completely belong in either the straight or gay world, this conversation is for you.
Middle Men — No labels. No judgment.
Why It’s So Hard to Find Platonic Connection as a Gay or Bi Man | Michael Pezzullo
Season 1 · Episode 8
Tuesday, October 6, 2026 • Duration 01:12:24
Has sex become the default language of connection among gay and bisexual men — and what happens when men want friendship, belonging, intimacy, and community without sex always being the entry point?
In Episode 8 of Middle Men, Brendan sits down with therapist and life coach Michael Pezzullo for a candid conversation about gay men’s mental health, hypersexuality, loneliness, bisexuality, dating, masculinity, sexuality, identity, and the pressure some men feel to fit into a particular version of what it means to be gay or bi.
They talk about why sex and physical attraction can sometimes get in the way of deeper connection, why some gay and bisexual men feel disconnected from traditional LGBT spaces, the stigma bi men can face when dating women, monogamy and bisexuality, sexuality that changes over time, and why not everyone fits cleanly into a label.
Michael also answers an important question for closeted, married, questioning, or bisexual men: How private is therapy? He explains therapy confidentiality, medical records, insurance, coaching, and how to find a therapist who actually understands the complexities of sexuality rather than forcing you into a box.
🎙️ ABOUT MICHAEL PEZZULLO
Michael Pezzullo is a therapist and life coach specializing in gay men’s mental health, relationships, sexuality, connection, and personal growth. He provides therapy in California and Florida and coaching to men outside those states.
“It Took a Lot of Effort Not to Be Me” | Peter Marc Jacobson
Season 1 · Episode 7
Wednesday, September 23, 2026 • Duration 01:21:48
Peter Marc Jacobson spent nearly 20 years married to Fran Drescher. Their love was real. Their sex life was real. So was his attraction to men.
In Episode 7 of the Middle Men Podcast, Peter joins me for a candid conversation about what it was like growing up at a time when the only options seemed to be straight or gay, and spending years trying to make his actual experience fit into one of those boxes.
Peter talks about the guilt and constant self-monitoring that came with being attracted to men while loving his wife, telling Fran that he thought he might be bisexual, entering gay spaces for the first time as an adult, living what he describes as “two lives,” and eventually reaching a point where he no longer needed a label to explain the entirety of who he was.We also talk about The Nanny, the real-life relationship that inspired Happily Divorced, intimacy and dating after his marriage, bisexuality, the pressure men feel to fit neatly into straight or gay categories, and what Peter’s life looks like today — with straight and gay friends, a remarkably close relationship with Fran, and a much greater sense of comfort in his own skin.
"My Wife Knew I Was Bisexual—But I Still Hid in Plain Sight" - Seth Duffy
Season 1 · Episode 6
Wednesday, September 9, 2026 • Duration 01:29:39
Seth Duffy’s wife knew he was bisexual before they got married. But for years, Seth still felt like he had to bury part of himself — living publicly straight, privately questioning where he belonged, and never feeling completely at home in either straight or gay spaces.
In this episode of Middle Men, Seth talks openly about growing up with attraction to both men and women, exploring that attraction as a teenager, getting married, being unexpectedly outed to his family on Facebook, dating both women and men, and what it’s like to constantly feel like you have to “edit” yourself depending on the room you’re in.
Today, Seth is a Business Advisor and Wellness Coach living in St. Petersburg, Florida. He’s currently in a relationship with a man — but still identifies as bisexual and says one of the hardest parts of being bi is that people constantly try to put him into one box or the other.
We talk about bisexuality, masculinity, coming out, relationships, monogamy, workplace stigma, gay culture, straight culture, mental health, authenticity, belonging, and what happens when you don’t fit neatly into either world.
One of Seth’s biggest realizations: sometimes the hardest part isn’t figuring out who you are. It’s finding a place where you can be all of who you are at once.
⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 Married To A Woman As A Bi Man 06:58 How the Marriage Ended 11:22 Wired To Live Authentically 13:30 Never Asked For An Open Marriage 17:33 Origin Story: Turkey, East Coast, Pittsburgh, West Virginia, Florida 19:54 First Signs of Being Bi25:30 The First Quasi Boyfriend 30:51 Getting Outed On Social Media 36:57 You’ll Never Stop Coming Out As Bi 38:29 The Life Challenges Of Being A Middle Man52:59 Gays Think You’re Gay, Women Think You’re Kryptonite56:02 Bi With A Boyfriend1:01:46 Lack Of Spaces Where I Can Be My True Self1:08:03 Editing Myself In Straight And Gay Spaces1:11:39 The Only Space Where I Can Be My True Self1:16:30 Support From Straight And Gay Communities1:24:00 Who Middle Men Is For1:25:11 Seth’s Advice for Middle Men
Why Dating Apps Don’t Always Fix Loneliness | What We’re Really Searching For
Season 1 · Episode 5
Wednesday, August 26, 2026 • Duration 17:46
Dating apps can give us more access to other people than ever before — so why do so many men still feel lonely
Research on men who use dating and hookup apps suggests that spending more time searching doesn’t necessarily lead to more partners or more fulfillment. And among the men finding Middle Men, the same deeper need keeps showing up: not simply sex, but connection, understanding, and a place where they can be fully known.
In this episode, I explore the dating-app loop — why Grindr, Scruff, Sniffies, Tinder, and other apps can keep us searching long after we’ve gotten what we originally opened them for.
I also look at research on problematic dating-app use, loneliness, anxiety, self-disclosure, and internalized shame — including a Cornell study of Grindr users that found something surprising: the potentially beneficial part wasn’t sexting. It was telling another person something real about yourself.
Then I compare that research with responses from hundreds of men in the anonymous Middle Men Survey.
82% of 395 respondents said they’ve experienced feeling like the “lonely only.” Nearly three-quarters said they’ve felt like they don’t belong in either the straight or gay worlds. And among 93 bisexual and pansexual men surveyed, not one said he felt connected to a bisexual community.
For many men, dating apps may be one of the easiest available doors to other men.
But what happens when what we’re actually searching for is something the app can’t reliably provide?
This episode isn’t about deleting Grindr or condemning hookups. It’s about asking:
Why I never Felt Gay Enough — And What I Did About It
Season 1 · Episode 4
Wednesday, August 5, 2026 • Duration 14:07
You can come out as gay and still feel like you don’t belong in the gay community.
I know because I lived openly as a gay man for about 15 years—and still never felt fully at home in the most visible gay spaces available to me.
According to the anonymous Middle Men Survey, I’m far from alone. Only 1 out of 24 gay and queer respondents said he felt very at home in the mainstream gay community. More than 45% said they didn’t really feel like they fit within the mainstream gay scene.
Coming out of the closet and finding a home are not always the same thing.
In this episode, I explore why coming out didn’t automatically give me a true sense of belonging; what the Middle Men Survey reveals about gay loneliness, isolation, and mental health; and why some men still feel like outsiders in the communities they were told would become their home.
I also share the deeply personal reason I created Middle Men, the research behind “intraminority gay community stress,” and what I did after years of moving between straight and gay worlds without feeling like my whole self belonged in either one.
This is not an attack on gay men, gay culture, or LGBTQ communities. Those communities gave me freedom, friendship, and meaningful experiences during important chapters of my life. They simply don’t feel like home to everyone at all times.
Middle Men is an additional room for gay, bi, questioning, closeted, fluid, and unlabeled men who want community built around more than sexuality—with no pressure to perform an identity, adopt a label, or change unrelated parts of themselves to fit in.
You Don't Have to Pick a Side | Sexuality Is a Spectrum
Season 1 · Episode 3
Tuesday, July 28, 2026 • Duration 09:24
You've been told your whole life that you have to pick a side. Straight or gay. One or the other.
You don't. Not anymore.
Sexuality runs on a spectrum, and it can evolve and change over time. I know because I've experienced it myself. And there's a place for the millions of guys like us out there who don't fit neatly into "straight" or "gay."
In this episode I get into where that pressure to pick a side actually comes from; my personal experience of living a straight life, then a gay life, then landing somewhere in the middle; the challenges that accompany living life in the middle; and how to find a community of like-minded people to help offset those challenges.
This one is about the permission to stop changing aspects of who you are in order to fit in with straight and gay groups, and to just be your true self with all the other Middle Men out there — without disrupting your current life.
02:00 My Story Pt.1 — Straight Until 25, then Coming Out
04:05 My Story Pt.2 — The Middle
05:38 The Challenges of Not Picking a Side
07:22 A Community For Those in the Middle
08:27 Who This is For
I Think I Might Be Bi. Now What? | What Nobody Tells You
Season 1 · Episode 2
Tuesday, July 21, 2026 • Duration 07:22
If you've ever typed "am I bi" into a search bar at 1am and then deleted your search history afterward, this one's for you.
You're not the only one. Not even close.
In this episode I get into the actual data on how many men live somewhere between "straight" and "gay" — the numbers that prove you're not rare, broken, or alone — and what the questioning actually feels like from someone who's lived it. Then, where to go from here: no label required, no coming out, no telling anyone anything.
Maybe your life looks straight on the outside but isn’t as straight on the inside. Maybe you're bi or gay but don't fit neatly into the spaces designed for you. Maybe you don't have a word for what you are, and maybe you don't want one.
Either way, you exist somewhere in the middle, and the world doesn't have a lot of space for that.
Middle Men does.
No labels. No judgment. No pressure to be anything other than exactly where you are.
I Lived Straight, Then Gay. Then I Landed in the Middle.
Season 1 · Episode 1
Tuesday, July 14, 2026 • Duration 13:50
I lived a straight life. Then I lived a gay life. Both were real. Then I kept going and landed somewhere in the middle, and that feels right. But it's not without its challenges.
This is my story: growing up closeted in the 80s and 90s in Pennsylvania, coming out in Boston at 24, living fifteen years fully immersed in the gay world, then going back into the closet in my 40s and realizing I'm not straight or gay, but somewhere in the middle.
And upon realizing this, being confused and anxious about it as I was acclimating to moving out West — I found myself hiding non-straight parts of me in some straight groups, and assimilating while leaving true parts of myself behind in some gay groups.
I also learned that ambiguity can sometimes lead to being mis-judged. So, I set out to make a community where guys like us can be ourselves without being mis-judged — while supporting each other.
Middle Men is a podcast and private community for men who don't fit cleanly into society's straight or gay boxes. Maybe your life appears straight on the outside, but isn't so straight on the inside. Maybe you're bi or gay, but don't fit neatly into the spaces designed for you. Maybe you don't have a word for what you are — and maybe you don't want one.
Either way, you exist somewhere in the middle — and the world doesn't have a lot of space for that.
Middle Men does.
No labels. No judgment. No pressure to come out and blow up the life you've built. No set of beliefs you need to adhere to or aspects of yourself you need to hide in order to belong. At Middle Men, you are welcome as your true self.
Middle Men: Season 1 Trailer
Season 1
Sunday, July 5, 2026 • Duration 01:34
Middle Men is a podcast and community for men who don't fit neatly into society's straight or gay boxes.
Maybe your life appears straight on the outside but isn't so straight on the inside. Maybe you're bi or gay, but don't fit neatly into the spaces designed for you. Maybe you don't have a word for what you are—and maybe you don't want one.
Either way, you exist somewhere in the middle — and the world doesn't have a lot of space for that.
Middle Men does.
Honest conversation about identity, masculinity, relationships, social connection, and personal growth.
No labels. No judgment. No pressure to be anything other than exactly where you are.
middlemen-podcast.com
middlemen-podcast.com/#newsletter
@middlemenwcfc on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, X, Facebook
This conversation is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized therapy, medical care, or legal advice. Rules around therapy records and confidentiality can vary. If privacy is a concern, ask your therapist directly how records, insurance claims, and confidentiality are handled.
📺 WATCH THE "HAPPILY DIVORCED" EPISODE WE DISCUSSTorn Between Two Lovetts — Peter discusses this episode in our conversation, in which Fran and Peter unknowingly become interested in the same man — who turns out to be bisexual.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT8Wvtg0izc
⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 Loving Fran while being attracted to men
03:43 Meeting Fran Drescher & their nearly 20-year marriage
07:04 Childhood, family & early feelings of being different
10:53 First attraction to men
13:37 Experimentation, shame & guilt
18:40 Suppressing attraction during the marriage
24:59 “Magical thinking” after the violent crime
32:35 Telling Fran he thought he was bisexual
34:20 Gay, bi & the problem with labels
39:07 Why attraction to men can erase everything else
43:08 Being publicly outed by a tabloid
45:11 Turning their story into Happily Divorced
48:32 Bisexuality on Happily Divorced
55:03 Entering gay spaces for the first time
57:04 “I was living two lives”
59:42 Emotional vs. physical attraction
1:04:52 Sex, intimacy, connection & getting older
1:07:49 “Call me whatever you want. I’m me.”
1:09:00 Why bisexuality still makes people uncomfortable
Donate to support the podcast, online community, and more. Every bit helps — Middle Men is operated by Brendan alone.https://middlemen-podcast.com/donate
👥 JOIN THE MIDDLE MEN COMMUNITY A private space for gay, bi, questioning, closeted, fluid, and unlabeled men to connect without pressure to fit a predetermined identity: https://www.middlemen-podcast.com/community
🤔 ARE YOU A MIDDLE MAN? Take the anonymous Middle Men survey, and see
👊 If you saw yourself in this, please subscribe — there's a lot more coming.
🤳 If you know someone who could benefit from this, please share it with them — they probably need it more than you realize.
#BisexualMen #Bisexuality #MensMentalHealth
What am I actually looking for when I open the app?
Sex? Attention? Validation? Someone to talk to? A relationship? Or am I lonely?
Because different needs may require different doors.
⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro — The Dating App Loop 01:40 Swiss Dating App Study 02:48 Why I Kept Going Back 04:57 The “Maybe” Loop 07:19 Surprising Findings in the Cornell Grindr Study 08:34 What the Middle Men Survey Reveals 11:25 And That’s Where the Apps Come In 12:33 What Men Say They Actually Want 13:27 Truth-First & Effort-First Connection 15:42 Before You Open the App Again 16:29 Another Door
The Middle Men Survey is anonymous and self-selected and is not nationally representative. Results discussed in this episode include responses from 395 men to broader loneliness and belonging questions, 172 gay/queer respondents, 93 bisexual/pansexual respondents, and 272 respondents to the optional dating-app question.
📚 RESEARCH
Winter BL, et al. “Problematic online dating app use and its association with mental and sexual health outcomes in a sample of Men-having-Sex-with-Men.” Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 2025. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.2024.00079
Taylor SH, Hutson J, Alicea TR. “Social Consequences of Grindr Use: Extending the Internet-Enhanced Self-Disclosure Hypothesis.” CHI, 2017. https://doi.org/10.1145/3025453.3025775
Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation (2021), used as a conceptual framework for reward-seeking behavior.
If you saw yourself in this episode, follow Middle Men — and share it with a man who may be searching for something he doesn’t yet have words for.
This episode includes a discussion of suicide. Middle Men is a peer community, not a substitute for therapy, crisis counseling, emergency care, or other professional mental-health services.
The Middle Men Survey is anonymous and self-selected. It is not a nationally representative sample, and its results should not be generalized to all gay men or all men.
Pachankis JE, Clark KA, Burton CL, Hughto JMW, Bränström R, Keene DE. “Sex, Status, Competition, and Exclusion: Intraminority Stress From Within the Gay Community and Gay and Bisexual Men’s Mental Health.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2020.
Ross LE, et al. "Prevalence of Depression and Anxiety Among Bisexual People Compared to Gay, Lesbian, and Heterosexual Individuals: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis." The Journal of Sex Research, 2018. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1387755
If you saw yourself in this, follow the show — there's a lot more coming. And if you know someone who could benefit, share it with them. They need it more than you realize.
05:20 The Middle Men Community
06:44 Half-Price Middle Men Membership
SOURCE
Bennett BW, et al. "Population Percentage and Population Size of Men Who Have Sex With Men in the United States, 2017–2021: Meta-Analysis of 5 Population-Based Surveys." JMIR Public Health and Surveillance, 2024. https://publichealth.jmir.org/2024/1/e56643
📝 READ MORE ON SUBSTACKArticles released bi-weekly on Substack, and release privately a week early in the Middle Men Community as a perk to members: middlemenwcfc.substack.com
🏃 JOIN THE STRAVA CLUBFor the runners, riders, endurance, and active-life guys: strava.com/clubs/middlemen
