As we come towards the final week or so of the Year of the Snake, I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve shed, released, transformed and let go of in the last year.
Labels, identities, patterns, layers of myself that no longer fit.
And alongside these reflections on shedding, I’ve also been thinking about capacity.
Long before I found out I was a Projector in Human Design, I had this feeling that there was something wrong with me for being unable to cope with life, particularly work, in the way others could. Working as a midwife I saw my colleagues doing overtime, double shifts, permanent night shift, and even going out after work (I feel my fellow Projectors will understand when I say this has always been unbelievable to me.)
And something you hear often in the wellness and personal development space is the sentiment of needing to expand your capacity. But for me, this didn’t feel expansive or supportive. It quietly fed the sense that I was under-resourced, falling short and lacking the ability to cope.
But as many Projectors do, I pushed myself to keep up. I tried to prove my worth through doing, I overworked and forced myself to keep going when every part of me wanted to stop. And of course this led me to fall into a period of physical, emotional and mental burnout, an unfortunately common life experience for Projectors.
When I learned I was a Projector and what this means, suddenly everything made sense. It reframed my entire relationship with capacity as not something I lacked, but something I had been overfilling and viewing from the wrong perspective. I could see that I wasn’t incapable of coping with life but had been pushing myself to live and work in a way that I’m not designed for.
I experimented with my design, understood my patterns of conditioning and made choices to live in alignment with my true nature.
But in the last few weeks I’ve felt the pressure, conditioning and old patterns creep in. Working more. Saying yes when I want to say no. Taking on too much. Overfilling my days. Too much doing. Not enough space.
And I won’t lie, there is part of me that feels guilt for this. A sense that I should know better by now.
But what I’ve come to realise is that sometimes you need to go back to what you let go of, shed and said no to.
Not because the no was wrong but because returning confirms why it was necessary.
The first no protected you while you were still inside the experience.
But time and distance change the lens. And when you revisit something from this changed place, you’re not undoing a decision or failing, you’re meeting it again as a different version of yourself.
And my experience of falling back into old patterns, while humbling, has also been deeply validating. It’s confirmed my intuition wasn’t wrong. It’s confirmed my Projector nature. It’s confirmed the value of Human Design and why I love it so much.
It showed me that returning to what we once said no to isn’t failure but part of the shedding process itself.
It showed me that sometimes we don’t truly understand what we’ve shed until we try to carry it again.
And it showed me that this isn’t actually a problem of me not having enough capacity. I don’t need more capacity.
We are all already holding plenty.
The last couple of weeks especially have shown me that I can hold a lot.
But it has also shown me…. I don’t want to.
And that feels scary, but important, to say.
And it’s not that I don’t want a big, beautiful, full life, but it’s more that I don’t want my life to be full of what drains me. I want spacious days, free time, slow mornings and expansiveness.
So what if the issue isn’t that we need to stretch ourselves further, widen our nervous systems, optimise our resilience and expand our capacity so that we can hold more?
What if the issue is that we are all holding far too much?
What if your capacity doesn’t need to change?
But what’s inside it does.
What if this is less about becoming someone who can hold more and more like becoming someone who holds only what is essential?
What if instead of expanding your capacity, you let go of what is no longer serving you?
But as I say this, I don’t want you to mistake this for an invitation to let go of what doesn’t matter so you can add more of what does.
No.
Let go of the noise. Let go of the clutter. Let go of what is weighing you down.
And keep the spaciousness you’ve created free.
And I think you’ll find that this is when your nervous system will finally soften and quietly thank you.
With that being said, I have created this meditation to support you in these final days of shedding, releasing and letting go before we cross the threshold into the Year of the Horse.
And if you feel called to, you might like to journal on these questions to deepen your reflections:
* What does your capacity feel like at the moment? Spacious, overfilled, cluttered, noisy, free, balanced?
* What have you shed and released this year?
* What are you still holding onto but feel ready to let go of?
* Where have you returned to something you once said no to? And what did that return teach you?
* How can you create more spaciousness in your life?
With love,
Alice x
If you’re looking for some 1:1 support in creating your aligned life, you may be interested in booking a Human Design reading….your opportunity to dive deep into all things Human Design and uncover the insights that matter most for where you are right now. Expect to walk away breathing a sigh of relief feeling deeply seen, validated, understood and with clarity on who you are and how to create more ease, flow and alignment in your life. 1:1, Mother:Child and Family readings available. Find out more and book HERE.
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