In this episode, we answer a listener's question, "How can I avoid merging with my mother?" Paula's mother had experienced an unjust situation, and Paula felt angry and protective on her mom's behalf. Listen in on the self-care and reframing tips Reiki Master Geneva Robins had for this situation.
Recognize it comes from a Good place - You Care!
If you see yourself in Paula's shoes and feel upset or angry about injustice in the world, know that feeling has a very positive core. You care! What an amazing place the world would be if everyone cared as much as you!
Sometimes, simply noticing that the energy underneath the strong feeling of distress and anger is actually coming from a place of deep love can help reframe things. As soon as you notice what the core is, you can shift into that loving space.
Create a gentle space to acknowledge your feelings
The next step is to give yourself a space, a moment where you can step away from the situation. To temporarily pause the thinking that is creating the flood of emotion in your body and just give yourself a space to rest, ground, and come back to yourself.
This can be very difficult to do when you're in a heightened state, but it is essential if you want to be of maximum service to the one you love.
To do this, it's useful to pay attention to the physical sensations in the body. Gently notice areas of tension, of different temperatures, noticing if there are any muscles that are clenched, if your breathing is tight and not flowing.
And then just gently working to create space around all the sensations and gently creating room with your breath and awareness into the simple sensations of distress and anger within the body. It's a heightened form of mindfulness. Even a few minutes of paying attention to your inner physiological state will begin to bring in a sense of calm.
You might like the Releasing Anger Meditation as a tool to begin anchoring yourself back in the present moment.
Come back to yourself and the present - Grounding and your Aura
Another powerful tool is grounding, which connects to the energy within the Earth and allows that nurturing energy to bring a sense of peace into your body. Try the Grounding Meditation to activate that wise Earth Energy.
Noticing the energy around your body and bringing a bit of space between you and the situation is also deeply healing. Each person has their own energy bubble, the aura, and when the aura is strong, you feel clear and are better able to discern what is your feeling and what another person’s feeling. The aura is so important if you are an empath or a highly sensitive person! It helps you avoid merging with another person's energy so you can be in a good place to help them.
The good news is just imagining a calming and comforting energy in the aura will help you. When you are back in your bubble, it is much easier to hold space for your loved one or the difficult situation you are facing. It is the best place for you to see their strength and cheer on their empowerment.
If this is difficult for you, you can also try a Reiki session. Reiki is a gentle way of grounding and reconnecting to the flow of energy, harmonizing you with a state of peace and calm so that you can get clarity on the situation. Try the Self-Healing Meditation to see how even 5 minutes can help.
The Reiki Ideals can help you get perspective
Anger is a normal emotion when a boundary is crossed, and you or your loved one is threatened. It’s a survival emotion that helps us escape danger. The problem is when anger gets stuck and becomes chronic, it just ends up burning us up.
In Reiki, we practice the Reiki ideals, which are five principles for leading a happy life. The Reiki ideals are: just for today, I will let go of anger, I will let go of worry, I will be grateful for my many blessings, I will do my spiritual work honestly, and I'll be kind to myself and others.
When you're facing a big issue, it can be very helpful to come back to each of the Reiki ideals and allow their wisdom to guide you to a more restful frame of mind. When you're able to come back to that space of clarity, it's much easier to see what your best action will be.
When we're in the grips of anger, it is very difficult to know what the best action is because we become erratic and explosive. We still need to feel and acknowledge that anger, but we need to put it to work for us in a way that will be constructive and productive to our ultimate goals.
This can be difficult when it involves somebody we care about because we have anger but also vulnerability and maybe worry. When you work through the Reiki ideals step by step, all the way to kindness, you end up getting clarity and peace along the way. So that when you take action, which anger requires, you are taking the best action possible that will help the situation and bring harmony to yourself and others.
You can learn more about the Reiki ideals in Geneva's book The Secret Art of Happiness: How to Change Your Life with the Reiki Ideals.
How does this sit with you?
If you found the tips in this episode helpful and resonated with Paula's experience, we encourage you to leave a comment on the blog sharing your thoughts and insights. Do you find your energy merging with other people? What has helped you get clear?
Send us your own questions or topics you'd like us to address in a future episode. Leave us a quick voice memo on our SpeakPipe page. Your input and questions are valuable, and we look forward to continuing this conversation with you in our upcoming episodes.
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