In this episode of Over It and On With It, Christine Hassler coaches Katie, who is struggling with her husband's undiagnosed ADHD and its impact on their relationship. Christine helps Katie reflect on how her husband's behaviors trigger old wounds from her childhood and offers insights into how couples can navigate challenges when their brains and emotional needs function differently. The episode dives deep into relationship dynamics, particularly how unresolved past wounds can surface in present-day partnerships.

Christine encourages listeners to think about their own relationships, especially when they are generally good but contain aspects that are frustrating or triggering. She stresses the importance of taking responsibility for one's own emotional reactions rather than expecting the partner to change or fix things. Additionally, Christine highlights how acceptance of a partner's limitations and clear communication about non-negotiables can strengthen a relationship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship that's generally good but with aspects that bug or trigger you?
• Do you tend to focus on evidence that your partner isn't meeting your expectations?
• How do you handle your emotional reactions when your partner frustrates you?
• What would change in your relationship if you fully accepted your partner for who they are?

Key Insights & AHA's:

• Katie's frustrations with her husband's forgetfulness are linked to her childhood wounds of abandonment and not feeling important.
• Christine helps Katie see that her husband's behavior, including conflict avoidance, may be a result of his trauma, and encourages Katie to approach the situation with more acceptance.
• By focusing on what Katie can control—her own emotional responses—rather than trying to change her husband, she can create more peace within herself.
• Clear communication about non-negotiables, such as her husband seeking treatment, can help Katie and her husband move forward.

Show Sponsor: This week's episode is sponsored by AquaTru. 

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Social Media + Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
• @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Email: jill@christinehassler.com — For information on any of my services!
• Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show!
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!

In this episode of Over It and On With It, Christine Hassler delivers a heartfelt reminder about the importance of self-care, rest, and prioritizing our well-being over external obligations and people-pleasing tendencies. Christine shares her own recent experiences as a busy mom and life coach, explaining how taking time for herself—even when it meant canceling podcast recordings—has been a powerful practice in maintaining integrity with her own needs.

Christine encourages listeners to reflect on the ways they may be abandoning themselves by prioritizing the expectations of others over their own health and happiness. She highlights the significance of slowing down, saying "no" when necessary, and learning to trust that others will understand when we make self-honoring choices.

This episode serves as a powerful message for anyone feeling overwhelmed by life's obligations, reminding us that true healing and clarity can only come when we give ourselves permission to rest and recharge.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you abandoning your own needs to meet others' expectations?
• What is it costing you to keep pushing yourself without rest?
• Can you give yourself permission to slow down, even if it means disappointing others?
• How can you incorporate moments of self-care, even in a busy schedule?

Key Insights & AHA's:

• Christine reflects on how she has shifted from people-pleasing and feeling obligated to meet commitments at the cost of her well-being.
• The importance of slowing down, not just for physical rest, but for nervous system regulation and emotional healing.
• She reminds us that healing happens at the pace of the slowest part of us that feels safe, and rushing through life can prevent true restoration.
• Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for maintaining alignment and integrity with oneself.

Social Media + Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
• @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Email: jill@christinehassler.com — For information on any of my services!
• Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show!
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!

In this episode of "Over It and On With It," Christine Hassler coaches Sarah, who struggles with the complexities of a relationship that appears both deeply meaningful and deeply troubling. Sarah's situation involves a partner who alternates between emotional closeness and sudden, unexplained withdrawal, triggering Sarah's abandonment fears.

Christine helps Sarah recognize the unhealthy patterns and offers guidance on finding the strength to set necessary boundaries. Christine's compassionate yet direct approach aims to support listeners who may find themselves rationalizing toxic behaviors in their relationships due to unresolved childhood wounds.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you find yourself attracted to relationships that cause you significant stress and anxiety?
• Are you making excuses for someone's unhealthy behavior because of their past trauma or because they express emotions sincerely?
• Did you grow up in a household where you felt neglected or unloved, leading you to accept less than you deserve in relationships?
• Do you struggle with setting firm boundaries and often talk yourself into staying in relationships that don't serve you?
• Are you ready to take bold actions to change unhealthy patterns in your relationships?

The Guest's Key Insights & A-HA's:

• Sarah's intense connection with her partner is rooted in unresolved childhood abandonment issues, making her more tolerant of behaviors like ghosting and emotional withdrawal.
• Despite the partner's ability to articulate emotions, his repeated blocking and disappearing acts are red flags that cannot be overlooked.
• Christine highlights the importance of evaluating how someone handles stress and whether they take responsibility for their triggers and actions.
• The episode underscores the necessity of setting clear boundaries and recognizing when a relationship is unhealthy, regardless of the depth of emotional connection.

How to Get Over It & On With It:

• Acknowledge and address the old childhood wounds influencing your tolerance for unhealthy behaviors in relationships.
• Practice emotional and physical grounding techniques to reconnect with your sense of self-worth and power.
• Seek out trauma-informed therapy or coaching to work through past wounds in a supportive and healthy environment.
• Establish firm boundaries and recognize that justifying toxic behaviors is a coping strategy rooted in past trauma.
• Affirm your worthiness of love and respect, and take bold actions to protect your emotional well-being.

Upcoming Events:

• Christine Hassler's upcoming retreat at the end of September 2024. Early bird pricing is available until the end of August. Register at christinehassler.com/retreat.

Social Media + Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler
• @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Email: jill@christinehassler.com — For information on any of my services!
• Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show!
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!

Ryan Mayer, certified ADDCA and ICF coach, is on a mission to empower others with ADHD toward their greatness. He has coached clients from 19 different countries and has nearly half a million followers on social media.

His Performance and Mindset Coaching helps others navigate through the storms in their lives caused by ADHD, making measurable progress on their most important goals.

Having ADHD himself, Ryan calls on personal experience to equip his clients - who may feel like they are constantly falling short at work and at home - with the strategies to step into the happier life that they deserve.

Ryan is happily married to his (amazing neurotypical) wife Andrea. They have three adorable children and live in Cleveland, OH (USA).

To get Ryan's 10 day course that is all text message based for 30% off go to https://market.authoritive.com/workthatworksforyouradhdand use "OnWithIt30" at checkout

The essence of this coaching call is about our protective patterns manifesting as nervous habits. Today's caller, Jessica, picks her skin. She would like guidance about understanding her nervous habit and how to stop it. Christine sheds some light on why these kinds of habits exist and why wanting to get rid of them or making them wrong is exactly what not to do.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode417].

The origin of our nervous habits is a tender, scared, powerless part of us. When pain is inflicted upon us, either emotional, physical, sexual, or mental pain, and everything feels out of control, our ability to cause ourselves pain and being the one controlling the pain gives us a sense of power.

When we are in overwhelm of any kind, we can use our nervous habit as a soothing strategy. It sort of shuts down everything else and brings our focus to the habit so we don't have to feel other things. We use it as a sense of control, as well as a soothing strategy. It is a useful strategy our subconscious creates to help us manage our pain.

Remember, our inner protector is protecting a very scared child who felt powerless and had pain inflicted on them. When we feel the urge to apply our protective strategies, AKA act out our nervous habits, the last thing we want to do is try to force them to go away because they will just try to do their job even stronger. We need to make a conscious effort to be aware of our habits and not judge or shame ourselves for them.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is almost upon us. To get a unique sneak peek of what to expect during the retreat, I am having a Grad Panel on September 6th. To attend or for a recording of the panel go to Christine.Hassler.com/panel or assist@christinehassler.com. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. And, to apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship. The course is almost full.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have any nervous habits like skin-picking, nail-biting, pulling apart split ends, etc.?

• Did you have pain inflicted upon you as a child and you felt you had no control?

• Do you notice nervous habits emerge even in situations where you should feel safe?

• Do you try to stop a habit by shaming yourself or making it wrong and you aren't getting anywhere?

Jessica's Question:

Jessica asks for guidance on how to break her nervous habit of skin-picking.

Jessica's Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her skin picking interferes with her being fully present.

• She feels anxious when she picks her skin.

• She is a high achiever.

• She finds it difficult to break her habit.

• Her habit soothes her.

• Pain was inflicted upon her which left her feeling powerless.

• She is in the early stages of pregnancy.

• She wished she had an emotionally present, nurturing mother.

• Her grandfather caused her distress as a child.

• She feels she has to put everyone else first.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Let go of the shame and judgment she has about her nervous habit.

• Have compassion for herself.

• Sign up for the Inner Child Workshop.

• Get herself into the present moment as much as possible.

• If she has the urge to pick, go ahead and pick but do it consciously.

• Take care not to go into the martyr-mother role.

Takeaways:

• If you have a nervous habit let go of your shame and judgment around it.

• Be patient and gentle with yourself and nourish your inner child.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you want a simple, effective way to increase the quality of your life don't miss this episode. I've upgraded my 40 day stop-start-modify plan to support you in implementing new habits to create more calm, health, joy and prosperity in your life.

The essence of this coaching call is what causes inspirational blocks and the unhealthy ways we try to motivate ourselves. Today's caller, Jo, is asking for guidance about how to tap into her inspiration. The pandemic impacted her nervous system and left her lacking the motivation to live into her purpose.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode416].

Often, what inspires us is the stuff that makes us mad. It doesn't mean we need to come out with anger at people. We need to move through the anger to find the fire and the passion that lies underneath. Then, we can step into the feminine power of discernment and discover our Warrior Woman. Which is a beautiful place to be. When we do this we allow ourselves to be pulled forward by a calling and a mission, versus looking for something external to motivate us.

Women, in general, are not great with our anger. It leaks out in certain ways but we are not great at tapping into our rage and anger and letting it out in a healthy way. This blocks us from our passion. And if we keep suppressing our emotions, rage, and anger we will feel depressed.

Plus, we tend to motivate ourselves by being hard on ourselves and looking at what we think is wrong and the changes we need to make. We believe if we make ourselves miserable enough then maybe we will be motivated to make a change. That is a strategy that doesn't work or only works for the short term. It allows our inner critic to run the show and we burn ourselves out.

When we realize we are not doing anything wrong and that we are living our purpose because we are learning, growing, healing, and raising our consciousness, it releases the feeling of failure.

If you resonate with this podcast and Christine's style of coaching, Elementum Coaching Institute is the coaching certification program for you. Even if you are not a coach, and want a personal transformation program to give you coaching skills you can use with your employees or peers, in relationships, or with children, you are encouraged to apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Enrollment closes September 1, 2023, and the course begins September 14th. This is the final course for 2023‒2024.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you feeling a lack of inspiration?

• Do you feel you had a setback during the pandemic and you haven't been able to come back from it?

• Do you want to feel like you're making an impact, that you matter, and what you're doing in the world matters?

• Are you someone who benefits from connection with other people? Are you an extrovert who isn't connecting with people enough?

Jo's Question:

Jo is asking about how to find inspiration and motivation for herself and her business in the here and now.

Jo's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She gave up her teaching job to write a novel and build a coaching business.

• She moved in with her parents.

• The pandemic impacted her nervous system.

• She has difficulty spending a lot of time by herself.

• She wants to do something meaningful.

• She gets overwhelmed with business tasks.

• She is trying to motivate herself by being hard on herself.

• She wants to be inspired by life.

• She has finished her novel.

• She signed a lease on an office.

• She is an extrovert.

• She lived with depression for a long time.

• She longs for freedom, transparency, and truth.

• She sees her anger as a negative.

• She started her business after she found self-compassion.

• She is joining Elementum Coaching.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• When she feels trapped in the moment, consider what choices are available to her.

• Put herself out there to get connection and support.

• Tap into the fire beneath her anger and be motivated by her deep desire.

• Start using her voice again.

• Join the upcoming Signature Retreat, read Expectation Hangover, or visit ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.

Takeaways:

• Consider — Is there a part of you that wants to be free and believes that if you do what you want bad things will happen?

• Get to know your anger, feel it, and understand it.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Elisha Tichelle is an alchemist of the nervous system for visionary leaders and heart-centered entrepreneurs. Following a 20-year career as a somatic researcher and professor, Elisha now supports her clients to expand their nervous systems so their work can make a greater impact in the world - without burning out. Elisha's facilitation guides an expansion of nervous system regulation, moving people out of operating from positions of stress and overwhelm into embodied states of flow, connection, and mastery. Elisha is the 'behind the scenes' priestess to some of the world's most successful and well-known coaches. Through her training program 'Evolution,' she guides space holders, facilitators, and coaches into integrating nervous system work in their business and life.

This coaching call is about the difference between masculine energy and hypervigilance. Today's caller, Jo, has been caring for her husband after a debilitating accident. She believes she is functioning only in her masculine energy and would like some balance, but her actions may be coming from a response to trauma she hasn't fully processed. Christine offers guidance.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode415].

There is an unconscious, and sometimes conscious, expectation that masculine energy is supposed to be strong and be able to hold us. But, what masculine energy truly is, is taking initiative, moving in a linear way, being present, and holding for things. It is making quick decisions about things and being productive in certain ways.

Healthy masculine energy is NOT about being so busy and doing everything for everyone that we are depleted completely — That's being hyper-vigilant. Hypervigilance is a response to trauma that makes us feel out of control. Because no one chooses trauma. It is completely out of our control. When we are hypervigilant, we are looking for a way to feel in control again. We think if we do and control everything, we can prevent expectation hangovers or more trauma.

If you're trying to shift more into your feminine energy when you're in hypervigilance, good luck because in order for you to shift into your feminine energy, you have to feel safe and if you are in hypervigilance, you do not feel safe.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Has there been a drastic change in your life you haven't had time to process because you have had to go right into action?

• Do you often think you're in your masculine when you are truly in hypervigilance?

• Are you someone that is so used to doing, you often don't even know how to be?

• When it comes to surrender and accepting things, how are you with it? Can you let go or do you like to fight with reality?

Jo's Question:

Jo is asking for guidance on how to prolong being in her feminine energy and relinquish her feelings of needing to be in control.

Jo's Key Insights and Ahas:

• Her husband was in a debilitating accident.

• She feels she shifted into her masculine after her husband's accident.

• She likes being in her feminine but feels pulled out of it too often.

• She wants to relieve her husband's pain.

• She does inner child work and meditation.

• She has a tendency to be a people pleaser.

• She has been a control freak in the past but wants to let go of it.

• She hasn't done trauma-release work.

• Her father was strict and unpredictable.

• She does everything for others.

• She questions her self-worth.

• She wants to cure her husband's pain.

• Her husband has accepted his physical condition.

• She is grieving and hasn't fully processed the incident.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Realize she is being hypervigilant, not in her masculine.

• Find a somatic and trauma-release-work therapist.

• Have compassion for herself.

• Release her anger and trauma.

• Recalibrate her nervous system.

• Have conversations with her husband about creating polarity in their relationship.

• Accept where her husband is in his healing process.

Takeaways:

• Are you in your masculine energy or being hypervigilant?

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

In your personal development journey, you may be asking "what's the point?" You are doing all this "work" and you are not seeing the changes in your life that you desire. In this CC I answer this question and give you reassurance to keep going.

This coaching call is about how patience and compassion without clarity can lead to resentment. Today's caller, Lucy, doesn't feel like a priority in her partner's life. She asks for guidance on whether the relationship is right for her or if there are too many red flags. Christine shares some skills that can help Lucy get what she wants from her relationship.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode414].

Consciousness isn't just about talking about our wounding or holding space for someone when they cry. It's about taking action that's in integrity and alignment with who we say we are.

When we have a lot of emotional vulnerability or sexual intimacy and vulnerability with a man, we can mistake it for being in a conscious relationship. If you are in a dynamic where you're having a lot of emotional intimacy, but you don't have the consistency or the feeling of safety, it's not as conscious as you may think. What do you need to do to make a relationship more conscious? Bring accountability, responsibility, and agreements into it.

Consciousness is an aspect of sacred union, and in sacred union, there's a masculine and feminine. There is the being and the doing. We can't just swim around in the feminine being of vulnerability, processing, and emotional intimacy without the masculine of doing, showing up, and having structure. We need both, otherwise, our inner child doesn't feel safe.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a relationship, whether it will be romantic or otherwise, that you're doubting or you don't have clarity about?

• Are you someone who has trouble asking for what you need so you ask for it in a vague, safe way?

• Do you not feel like a priority in a relationship, or as a child?

• Are you doubting yourself? Are you feeling some nudges and doubts about something but you're doubting your doubts?

Lucy's Question:

Lucy feels stuck when trying to discern the difference between what is a red flag and what is her intuition in a new relationship.

Lucy's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels that this new relationship is her first adult relationship.

• She has a hard time trusting herself.

• Her mother didn't trust her.

• She and her partner are in the process of defining their relationship.

• She wants to know if the relationship is right for her.

• She doesn't feel like a priority to her partner.

• She appreciates certainty and consistency.

• Her partner has full custody of his two children.

• Her partner doesn't make plans with her but asks for dates with little notice.

• As a child, she longed for her mother's attention.

• She is still learning about herself and her patterns in relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Propose a schedule to her partner and re-negotiate if needed.

• Get specific about what she needs from the relationship.

Takeaways:

• Where do you need to have more masculine energy in your relationships?

• Where do you need to make clear agreements so you can feel safe?

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This coaching call is about surrender and keeping hope. Today's caller, Eva, is ready to give up hope and accept that she may never get pregnant. But her intuition is telling her that one day she will be a mother. She asks Christine for guidance and clarity about how to shift into acceptance and let go of her desire to have a baby.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode413].

Our drive and yearning to have a child can be due to our wanting to make our own childhood different. It is a reason why the desire to have a child can be so strong. There is an attachment to wanting to have a biological child that causes a degree of stress inside our system and it can make it harder for the body to get pregnant.

The body will relax when we surrender. But how do we surrender but not give up hope? Resignation is giving up and feeling that you don't care about what happens. Surrender is more of a letting-go energy. Just handing it over to a higher power, handing it over to a source, handing it over to God, and keeping that longing and desire in your heart.

Oftentimes, our "soul babies" want a certain kind of clearing of generational patterns before they come in. And, our bodies strive to be healthy before they carry a baby.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you been wanting something for a long time and you keep trying but it's not happening?

• Have you decided to surrender, but still have some hope and it leads to an expectation hangover?

• Were you able to fully relax and surrender as a child?

• As a coping strategy, are you a planner? Does controlling and planning everything help you to feel safe?

Eva's Question:

Eva has been trying to have a child and has not yet gotten pregnant. Her intuition tells her she will one day have a child. She is looking for guidance about how to reduce her monthly expectation hangovers.

Eva's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She used fertility drugs to try to get pregnant.

• She grieved the idea of being childless.

• Her gut tells her that one day she will become pregnant and be a mother.

• She doesn't want to have an expectation hangover every month when she menstruates.

• Her planning and control is a trauma response.

• She believes she needs to mother herself better.

• Her mother was emotionally volatile.

• Her mood as a child was based on the mood of her mother.

• Her nervous system is dysregulated.

• Her inner child wants to be held.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Surrender and let go of the attachment to having a biological child but stay open to the idea.

• Rediscover her true essence.

• Know that it is not her fault for not getting pregnant.

• Give herself the childhood, and love she deserves, but never had.

• Begin the Inner Child Workshop.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on your next purchase by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This coaching call is about embracing our mother energy. Today's caller, Davina, is a life coach struggling to attract her ideal clients. She was told that she may fear being seen, but it didn't entirely resonate with her. During the session, she discovers that it is an inner-child wound impacting her efforts.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode412].

When we have blocks, when imposter syndrome comes up, or we are not attracting what we want, we can believe it is a fear of being seen. And while that may be true in many ways — many of us do have a fear of being seen and being vulnerable, but that is not always what it is. There may be something deeper that is more accurate.

There are inner-child, super-subconscious wounds and operating systems we develop when we are young impact our lives in various ways that we are not aware of. Whenever our reaction to something doesn't match the circumstance in terms of severity, our inner child is triggered.

For anyone, especially coaches, sometimes we think we need to have great answers all the time, but if we can just hold a space of love and compassion for people in our life, that is often more powerful than any piece of advice or aha moment we can create. Often, someone feeling not-judged is the biggest aha moment they can possibly have.

At Elementum Coaching Institute, we train epic coaches. If you resonate with this podcast and Christine's style of coaching, this is the coaching certification program for you. Even if you are not a coach, and want a personal transformation program to give you coaching skills you can use with your employees or peers, in relationships, or with children you are encouraged to apply at ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Enrollment closes September 1, 2023, and the course begins September 14th.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you believe you have a fear of being seen or is it hard to put yourself out there?

• Are you a coach and you are having difficulty attracting the exact kind of clients you want? Do you have a childhood that involves some kind of abandonment or not a feeling really chosen by a parent?

• Do you get angry, frustrated, or annoyed when people copy you?

Davina's Question:

Davina is struggling to attract her ideal clients and is asking for guidance about her messaging efforts.

Davina's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is a life coach.

• She is annoyed by people who copy her.

• A coach told her she is afraid of being seen.

• Her mother abandoned her and started a different family.

• She had to share her mother's attention.

• She felt she has always had to do things on her own.

• She feels sad and angry.

• She grieves the loss of the relationship she had with her mother.

• Being vulnerable is uncomfortable for her.

• Her father wasn't emotionally available.

• She is vulnerable when she feels safe and supported.

• She takes a long time to open up to people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Know that her anger and sadness are valid and that it needs to be expressed.

• Work with her inner child about her mother's leaving.

• Take the opportunity to be open and honest.

• Give herself as much time as she needs.

• Write down how she would coach others in a similar situation.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This coaching call is about honoring yourself and another person by completing an unhealthy dynamic. Jade & Matthew both join this couple's session to ask Christine for guidance about where to go in their current relationship. If you are going through a relationship breakup or if it is time to end a relationship, this episode is valuable especially if there is wounding playing out in your relationship.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode411].

One of the ways that we suffer most in relationship is thinking that our love will change someone. But, the opportunity to truly heal and step into their greatest potential is up to that person.

Oftentimes, coming together in relationship does help someone step into their fullest potential, but there's a caveat: they have to do it. They have to want it and it has to happen quickly. If you're in a relationship where it has been years of the other person going back to their old patterns, then you are in the cycle of them apologizing and feeling awful and you taking them back thinking things will be different. They are going to do their work and then something else happens but you see their little boy or little girl, and you love them, and this time was different and they're really doing the work, and they're seeing the counselor, but then they do it again. It's just a loop. I encourage you to choose you, to love you. They need to do their healing on their own.

Making the choice to end, or complete, an unhealthy dynamic to heal individually is a gift we give to the other person. When we trust love and truth it always gets us to where we want to go.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you an enabler or are you addicted to someone else enabling you?

• Do you tend to be a little codependent or a lot codependent in relationships?

• Do you know that you love someone so much but no matter how much you love them it's up to them to change?

• Are you feeling that it is time for a conscious uncoupling in your relationship?

Jade & Matthew's Question:

Jade & Matthew ask for guidance about how best to heal themselves.

Jade & Matthew's Key Insights and Ahas:

• Matthew feels relieved.

• They separated after he returned from his travels.

• Matthew shared his shadows with Jade.

• Matthew became aware that he seeks validation from other women.

• Matthew will do inner child work via therapy.

• Jade believes it is best for them to not have contact while they are healing.

• Jade needs to see Matthew needs to love himself.

• Matthew wants Jade to be in his life because he feels a soul-level connection to her.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have no contact with each other for one year so they can heal themselves.

• Use the sentence starters Christine gave them to journal about their feelings.

• Jade needs time alone and for Matthew to respect that.

• Take the opportunity to learn what healthy, mature love is.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance, calming device that when synchronized with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I'm answering another question from a listener this week! She asked me to expand upon a phrase I've used in the show: leaky sexual energy. In this episode I'll describe what leaky sexual energy is, where it comes from, how to recognize it, how it impacts

This coaching call is about when our childhood wounding is triggered by a child. Lorena feels she has a parenting blind spot when it comes to her relationship with one of her stepchildren. She would like guidance on how to be a better stepmom and how to respond rather than react when she is triggered.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode410]

There are different blessings that go along with being a stepparent. But, in general, parenting can be hard. You can love a child so much but still get frustrated and triggered and then feel guilty about it. Understanding that we are human and we get triggered goes a long way.

Parenting is a spiritual practice. For these little beings that choose us, either as parents or step-parents, we have a soul contract. And, relationships and parenting are some of the biggest ways we evolve as humans.

With that said, we tend to reject people and behavior that reminds us of our wounded parts. We can have an ick factor towards it or them because we carry internal judgment and have self-protection mechanisms in place. It is much easier to love someone who doesn't share the same wounding.

When we are triggered, pausing and taking the time to regulate our nervous system allows us to be in the moment and respond to children, not from the viewpoint of our inner child, but as the adults we've become.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you ever feel rejected or neglected as a child? Did you want more nurturing and love?

• Do you have a child or a stepchild that you just don't connect to and it bothers you, and you feel guilty because you don't like being around that child as much as you do your other children?

• Are you committed to being a better parent both to yourself and your inner child and your child or children?

Lorena's Question:

Lorena feels she has a blind spot in her relationship with her stepchild and is asking for guidance about building a better relationship.

Lorena's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She has been a stepmother since 2016.

• Her stepchild struggles with emotional regulation.

• She has a baby and two stepchildren.

• There may not have been an original mother/child bond in her stepchild's life.

• She doesn't want to be around her stepchild.

• She feels invaded and resents the extra effort it takes to nurture her stepchild.

• Her father was an alcoholic and made inappropriate requests of her.

• Her stepchildren are there 50% of the time.

• Her husband looks to her to be a mature stepparent.

• She beats herself up for her feelings toward her stepchild.

• She didn't get loving attention from her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Tell her inner child that her father's care wasn't her responsibility.

• Accept that her stepchild is a trigger for her.

• Try seeing herself in her stepchild.

• Pause, take a deep breath, and say — I love you, and I got you — when triggered to regulate her nervous system.

• Do not underestimate what a nine-year-old can talk about.

• Get in alignment with her husband about her stepparenting.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when synchronized with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today's call was originally intended to be a couples session with Jade and Matthew. But, Jade has decided to exclude Matthew from the call. She describes why she made the decision. Some people can work through infidelity and have it strengthen their relationship. Other people need a clean break.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode409]

What can happen when we are working through trust issues and articulating our needs is that when we get to a point where we are triggered, we throw up a barrier rather than a boundary. When we are a person who hasn't been great at boundaries in life, what can happen when we're pushed to an edge is we can just throw up a wall.

Anytime we cheat, there's a part of us that's scared of intimacy with the person that we're with. There are a lot of other reasons but it's like we're afraid to go deep with the person we're with. There can be a pattern of not being able to be fully intimate and fully vulnerable in relationships.

Most things that happen to us that aren't necessarily what we want to happen are on some level due to our soul calling in a situation to help us heal something that isn't optimal inside of us.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you often not hold boundaries to the extent of when you're pushed to an edge a wall and barrier comes up?

• Have you tried to forgive someone and tried to heal through relationships but you just keep getting hurt?

• Do you have a hard time trusting?

• Do you beat yourself up when you've been hurt because you think you should have seen it coming?

Jade's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She found it difficult to trust Matthew as he traveled.

• She felt like he was hiding information from her.

• She has decided that she can't be in the relationship any longer.

• She felt energetically that things were off.

• She wants a healthy relationship in the future.

• She has questioned her truth when it comes to Matthew.

• She needs transparency in her relationships.

• She has a pattern of not being fully vulnerable and intimate in relationships.

• She thought she would feel enough if someone changed for her.

• She felt this relationship will help her heal from her previous relationship.

• She wishes her mom was emotionally supportive and less reactive.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Examine her trust issues and why she continues to be in relationships with people she doesn't trust.

• Forgive Matthew without continuing the relationship with him.

• Create emotional safety for herself.

• Don't waste her time thinking she "should" have known sooner.

• Trust herself and give herself time to grieve without beating herself up.

• Get clear about her boundaries in a relationship and write them out.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are toxicity-free, beautiful, easy to clean and use. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on their full suite of products by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Anger. We all feel it at some point or another. It's a natural human emotion and expression. However the way we deal with our anger often is very unnatural. We suppress it, numb it, try to escape it or let it consume us so much so that it can make us sick and/or ruin our relationships. In this episode I talk about how to release anger in a healthy way and walk you through the process of writing an f*** you letter.

This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today's caller, Matthew, has childhood trauma that is affecting his adult behaviors. He wants to continue his relationship with Jade but struggles with self-worth and trust. This is the second of three conversations. In next week's call, Christine speaks with Matthew and Jade during the couple's session. Listen to Part One with Jade.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode408]

Most of the time people don't act out intentionally to hurt other people, they're acting out because they're asking for help, even if it doesn't seem like it. When we have chronic trauma it is very hard for us to be aware of how it is affecting our behavior.

When we look at behavior, especially something like unfaithfulness or cheating, if we just look at the behavior we can get angry. Angry at ourselves and angry at the person. We may call it unforgivable, and maybe it is. But when we look at what is underneath the behavior, what's really driving the behavior, it can give us a different perspective and move us into compassion and ultimately forgiveness.

Compassion and forgiveness offer hope that a relationship can be healed.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. Apply by July 10th to get the early bird discount.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you struggle with self-worth issues?

• Have you ever been unfaithful or have you been in a relationship where someone has betrayed you, lied to you, or been unfaithful to you?

• Did you grow up in a home where there was abuse and chaos and you never really felt worthy or loved or safe?

• Are you on a personal discovery journey and you're clear that you're changing things but the people around you may not believe you and that can be frustrating?

Matthew's Question:

Matthew struggles with self-worth and trust issues. He would like guidance on how to find internal validation and create a safe space for Jade.

Matthew's Key Insights and Ahas:

• He lied, manipulated, and cheated during the relationship but, that's not who he wants to be.

• He feels Jade is having trouble trusting him again.

• He has trouble trusting Jade.

• He wants to heal his past traumas.

• He wants to feel loved, cared for, trusted, and secure in his relationship.

• He feels his needs can be met.

• He is on a self-discovery journey.

• He has always felt he was insignificant and had to fight for love.

• He has witnessed infidelity and abuse in his life.

• He is working on forgiving himself.

• He seeks external validation, mostly from women.

• He is seeking out ways to bring joy into his life.

• He is becoming aware of the energy he shares with women.

• He has an anxious attachment style in his relationships.

• He is in awe of who Jade is and sees potential in their relationship.

• He loves Jade but he feels he is under attack.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Find ways to feel expressed, worthy, and validated.

• Discover what being a man means to him.

• Talk to an outside resource about his childhood wounding.

• Breathe deeply to calm himself when he feels defensive.

• Have compassion for himself and the things he feels shame about.

Assignment:

• Write out the agreements he needs to make in the new version of this relationship.

• Write down the needs he would like to have met in a relationship.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Will Cole, health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow, top functional medicine practitioner, and New York Times bestselling author has dedicated his career to teaching people to apply skepticism to nutritional trends and instead, pay closer attention to their own intuition.

His new book, GUT FEELINGS, demystifies the gut-brain connection and provides a framework to repair the relationship between what you eat and how you feel.

After over a decade as a functional medicine expert, Dr. Cole discerned that shame can cause gut inflammation and sabotage wellness through what he's named "Shameflammation." When you send signals to your brain that you are overwhelmed, overworked, or overtired, your body reacts. Shameflammation can be the cause of chronic health conditions such as autoimmune disorders, depression, IBS, and more.

In this episode of Over It and On With It, Christine Hassler coaches Mia, who struggles with self-blame and guilt following a challenging divorce. Mia's feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing stem from a history of emotional abuse and neglect in her childhood, compounded by her recent breakup. 

Christine provides a compassionate and insightful discussion, helping Mia recognize that her pain is not her fault and offering strategies to address deep-seated beliefs and patterns. The episode aims to support listeners who might feel responsible for their suffering and struggle to break free from negative self-perceptions.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you struggle to move past events because you believe it's your fault?
• Are you stuck in a pattern of self-blame and self-loathing that prevents you from healing?
• Did you grow up in an environment where you felt neglected or abused, leading you to believe you deserve lousy treatment?
• Are you aware of any patterns of gaslighting or unhealthy relationships in your life?
• Do you find it challenging to let go of beliefs and thinking patterns that aren't serving you?

The Guest's Key Insights & A-HA's:

• Mia's self-blame and feelings of inadequacy are deeply rooted in her childhood experiences with a narcissistic family system.
• The belief that she deserves to be treated poorly is a result of internalizing abusive and neglectful behavior from her parents.
• Christine highlights that Mia's recent breakup and the blame placed on her by her ex-husband are symptoms of unresolved trauma and not reflective of her worth.
• The episode underscores the importance of differentiating between childhood trauma and current situations to avoid projecting past pain onto present circumstances.

How to Get Over It & On With It:

• Recognize and challenge the old beliefs stemming from childhood trauma that are influencing your current self-perception.
• Engage in physical and emotional grounding techniques, such as standing with feet on the floor and deep breathing, to reconnect with your sense of power and presence.
• Seek trauma-informed therapy and inner child work to address and heal from past abuse and neglect.
• Write down the facts of your situation to distinguish between reality and distorted beliefs.
• Affirm that the abuse and neglect you experienced were not your fault and that you are worthy of love and respect.

Upcoming Events:

• Christine Hassler's upcoming retreat at the end of September 2024. Early bird pricing is available until the end of August. Register at christinehassler.com/retreat.
• Free coaching call on July 31st focused on reducing stress and anxiety. Sign-up at christinehassler.com/freeworkshop.

Resources:

• Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
• Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
• Christine on Facebook
• Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
• @ChristinHassler on Twitter
• @ChristineHassler on Instagram
• @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
• Assist@ChristineHassler.com
• Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
• Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
• Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This call is about deciding whether or not to rekindle a relationship after experiencing infidelity or betrayal. Today's caller, Jade, has recently been brought back together with someone she loves but whom she left because he betrayed her. This session is the first of three conversations. In next week's call, Christine speaks with Jade's partner.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode407]

When we are betrayed and we are cheated on, of course, we feel anger and hurt, it was an awful thing to have happened, and we get to be mad and angry at the other person. But if we hold on to those things for too long then we're the ones who continue to hurt ourselves.

For many people, infidelity or any kind of betrayal is a deal breaker and sometimes it's not. Sometimes there are so many other things leading up to the betrayal or infidelity that, of course, do not excuse it, but also contribute to why there might be an opening for forgiveness and an opportunity to rebuild the relationship from a fresh start. When it comes to infidelity or betrayal, it's not a black-and-white topic.

Forgiveness is a process; it doesn't happen overnight and it is not something we can do just with our mind. We need to do it with our hearts and our somatic body. We need to move through those emotions of anger, sadness, hurt, and shame to get to a place of — "How do I really feel about this situation, and is my heart open to repair?"

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship or have you been cheated on?

• What do you define as betrayal?

• Have you gotten clear inside your mind, inside your heart, and with your partner on what is a betrayal and what the agreements are in your relationship?

• If you have let someone back into your life after betrayal, have you been able to trust again or have you always been looking over your shoulder?

• Have you always lived with a sense of really not getting your needs met?

Jade's Question:

Jade is having trouble navigating trust in a rekindled relationship that ended through betrayal and infidelity. She would like guidance on how to move past the betrayal to build a new relationship.

Jade's Key Insights and Ahas:

• After one year, her relationship ended with betrayal.

• Both she and her partner are doing work to rekindle the relationship.

• She is doing inner work to recognize when she is triggered.

• She loves her partner and recognizes the humanness in the betrayal.

• She fears self-betrayal by letting him back into her life.

• She knows letting him back into her life will be challenging.

• She doesn't know if she can ever trust him again.

• There was dishonesty in her past relationships.

• She felt not enough in her childhood home and didn't feel safe.

• Her mother did not validate or reassure her.

• She hasn't felt safe in her relationships.

• She is hyper-vigilant.

• She is leaning into the discomfort of the situation.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Put prevention plans and agreements in place to start with a blank slate to create safety for herself in the relationship.

• Know that whatever happens, she is going to be okay.

• Find a place to process her feelings with someone else besides her partner.

• Do not worry about other people's guilt and shame.

• Release her fear and regulate her nervous system.

Assignment:

• Write about trust and what it means to her.

• Write out the agreements that need to be made to move forward in the relationship.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrasound resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and improving well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions to tone the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Jenny Eversole is the founder of Stylespace.com a virtual styling platform to elevate your style with expert stylists. After nearly a decade running her own fashion label, she learned how personal style can make a big difference in one's confidence, happiness and overall success. Jenny founded Style Space for people to discover their best style and to look, feel, and BE their best.

This call is about setting boundaries and taking care of your own needs. Today's caller, Caitlyn, has an expectation hangover about her engagement planning process. She is excited about her wedding, but her family and friends don't seem to be. We cover a lot of ground and we go really deep in this episode.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode406]

Being a caretaker can be a survival skill. Survival needs can be the need to feel loved, valued, and like we belong. When one of our patterns is tied to those needs, it can be hard to release. Consciously, we may know it's not healthy for us to be a caretaker and that we should set boundaries but unconsciously, there may be a part of us that wonders who will love us and how we will fit into your family if we stop caretaking others.

When our bodies are working hard to hold all of our suppressed emotions together it needs another outlet for release. Our third chakra, our energy center, is tied to personal empowerment. If we don't have boundaries and allow other people to suck our energy, things will shift within the body to compensate. We can manifest a physical ailment when keeping emotional issues bottled up or by not feeling empowered.

Join in for the live group coaching call on June 22, 2003, at 5 pm PST / 8 pm EST on self-love. It's only $20 and you will get live access or if you can't make it live, it will be recorded and mailed to you so you can listen at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to save your seat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there a current expectation hangover upsetting you and reminding you of something that happened in the past?

• Do you relate to being a caretaker in your life? Are you afraid to stop taking care of others because you fear losing love or validation?

• Is it challenging for you to set boundaries? Do you say yes to things when you really mean no?

• Do you over-compromise and sacrifice your own needs because it is easier than upsetting people?

• Is there a prolonged physical condition you are dealing with that cannot be resolved?

Caitlyn's Question:

Caitlyn wants to know why she is having so many expectation hangovers while she is planning her wedding.

Caitlyn's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She wants more support from friends and family about her wedding.

• She is trying to get out of the caretaker role in her family.

• She has always been a planner.

• She feels tired, disappointed, and hurt during the wedding planning process.

• She stepped into the caretaker role in her family as a teenager.

• She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at thirteen.

• She taught people how to treat her.

• She is manifesting her physical condition.

• She gives away her power by always taking care of others.

• She puts herself last.

• Emotions were not expressed in her family.

• Her sister is also planning a wedding.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Put herself first and not worry about other people's upset.

• Allow herself to feel her emotions.

• Connect and talk to her younger self.

• Say thank you to her illness for sending her a message.

• Start writing from her heart with release writing.

• Have self-compassion and know it is okay to be seen.

• Talk to her sister about the things that matter to her.

• Forgive herself for buying into the understanding that being a caretaker is a way to get love.

Takeaways:

• If you are dealing with any type of expectation hangover, go back in time and ask yourself, "What does this remind me of?"

• Do the "empty chair" process at home.

• Let things go through journaling and release writing.

• Set and stand by your boundaries with people and let them be upset.

Sponsor:

Aquatru — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters plus the water tastes fantastic. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about leaning into femininity and recognizing self-worth. Today's caller, Lana, has childhood wounding that makes her wish she looked a different way. She would like guidance on how to be more feminine, have a healthier body image, and stop feeling jealous.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode405]

Many women have mothers who did not have a healthy body image. And, often as children, we take that on. But, there is so much more than how we look. If we focus on how we look and compare ourselves to other people, we miss out on the incredible gifts that we are here to enjoy in this lifetime.

We are constantly being programmed with what is "beautiful." We all have different ways in which the feminine expresses through us. It is essential for us to change the way society frames beauty for the future, for women, and for little girls. It is changing, but we have a long way to go.

And, jealousy is a waste of energy. It is often a positive projection. When we look at someone who is "attractive," what we are really seeing is their confidence or the way they feel comfortable in their body. The next time you feel jealous, think about how you would rather be using that valuable, precious energy. Because jealousy kills our self-worth, sense of spirit, femininity, and relationships. It is no one else's job to make us feel secure in a relationship.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you deal with jealousy?

• Do you think that if you looked differently that your life would be better?

• Did you grow up with a mother or a parent who didn't have a good body image and they passed that on to you?

• Do you know what being in your feminine and femininity means?

Lana's Question:

Lana would like tools to boost her body image and overcome jealous feelings in her relationship.

Lana's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She deals with extreme jealousy but trusts her boyfriend.

• She has been in her current relationship for five years.

• She has low self-confidence.

• She doesn't feel feminine.

• She compares herself with other people.

• She's been hurt by relationships from her youth.

• Her mother didn't have a healthy body image.

• She is focused on looking a certain way.

• She is creative, loving, and has a big heart.

• Her soul wants acceptance for who she is.

• She puts a lot of energy into thinking she should look different.

• She wants to enjoy her life.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Be compassionate with her feelings when she is triggered.

• Begin studying what it means to be in her feminine power.

• Instead of using her energy on jealousy and comparison, use it to enhance her creativity and joy.

Sponsor:

Caraway Cookware — Caraway products are beautiful, easy to clean and use, and non-toxic. The cookware and bakeware sets have a naturally slick ceramic surface. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the limited-time offer of 10% off on their full suite of products by using the promo code OVERIT at checkout.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

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This episode is about embracing our gifts and making a living. Today's caller, Janelle, has lost the motivation to make a living by expressing her gifts. She would like guidance on how to reignite her drive. Christine offers her practical tips about shifting her limiting beliefs about money, and separating her survival needs from what brings her joy.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode404]

Our gifts do not have to translate into a career. Our gifts are there for us to enjoy them. They don't necessarily have to be the thing that makes us money. It is completely possible to have a job you like that isn't your passion. We all have gifts and some of them translate into a lucrative career and sometimes they don't. Give yourself permission to explore your gifts without the pressure of needing to make money at it. Many people feel like a failure if they can not make a sustainable income doing what they love but as long as they are expressing what they love there is no failure.

It's important not to marry gifts and purpose with survival.

At some point in our lives, we are asked to look at what we have done to meet our survival needs and consider what we have to do to be more strategic. When we have a "Watch, I'll show you" energy, it can push us but it doesn't generate a lot of safety and abundance because we are constantly pulled back by our old beliefs. 

A caterpillar works hard to become a butterfly. It's a metamorphosis that needs to happen. It completely transforms and transmutes things. When we are in the chrysalis moments, we need to ask ourselves what needs to transform.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you doing something you love but not making the kind of money you love?

• Do you think you can make money and have enough to live doing what you love?

• Were your creativity, expression, and natural gifts encouraged as a child? Or, were you told you could never make a living at it?

• Do you have a good relationship with money?

Janelle's Question:

Janelle has lost her motivation to continue her dancing career and is looking for guidance on how to make a living following her passion.

Janelle's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She knows her spiritual purpose.

• She is at a crossroads.

• She no longer feels excited about her career or art form.

• She is a professional dancer and actor.

• She expected to be more financially secure by now.

• The pandemic shifted her momentum.

• She is adaptable and independent.

• She was told being an artist would be a struggle.

• She was driven to succeed to prove to others that she could.

• She has completed the personal mastery course.

• She feels called back to her passion and desire.

• She has the tools but doesn't know how to use them.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Shift her limiting beliefs about money.

• Do the "temper tantrum" technique and give her little girl a voice.

• Strategically consider her next steps and where she wants to go.

Takeaways:

• Check out these Coaches Corner episodes with Jade Luna & Kate Northrup.

• Consider where you are. Is it time to take some risks and share your gifts with the world?

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Jade also consults with people privately. He usually presents a few seminars each year at various locations world wide. He is the author of Asterian Astrology and has been one of the most successful Astrologers in the world and has maintained a high level practice for over 18 years.

This episode is about taking risks or making changes when you don't feel safe or secure on some level. Today's caller, Julie, feels stressed about making money because she is not doing something she is passionate about. Christine offers her guidance on how to shift her perspective into making an intentional transition.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode403]

One of my pet peeves of the personal development industry is the implied pressure to just make changes, take leaps, or have courage. And, while it is important to be able to make changes and to be able to take leaps, when you feel not safe on some level, it is going to be challenging.

It's always a blend of not staying in something that is familiar and "safe" but not what you want to be doing for so long that you get accustomed to feeling safe but not feeling alive, Not really feeling like you're doing what you're passionate about. Because the years will go by and your dream will quickly fade.

However, you don't want to just drop everything and make a drastic change when you don't feel safe. When it comes to safety, we are humans who have basic needs. We have the need for love. We have the need for feeling that our physical needs are met also.

There is a part of us that if we're not doing what we love or what we really desire, it can be difficult to make money at it because if we're really being called to something else, and we're not listening to it, often we'll have a sabotaging part that will come up.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. There is still time to get the early bird discount. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode to find out what happens during the retreat ChristineHassler.com/2022/08/coaches-corner-346.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a people-pleaser and make decisions based on what you think other people want from you versus what you truly want from yourself?

• Are you making choices or doing things that are breeding resentment, maybe in your marriage, a friendship, in business, or with your parents?

• Do you feel unsafe and unstable in some way and you are doing something just for the money?

• Do you want to make a change but you feel like you just can't because you're not financially "stable" enough?

Julie's Question:

Julie is looking for guidance about personal finances.

Julie's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She and her husband feel stressed about money.

• She is self-employed in her small business.

• She started working with an IFS therapist.

• She consumes a lot of information about her small business.

• She is a people-pleaser.

• She feels pressure from her husband to make more money.

• She likes helping people.

• She tires of doing what other people think she should do.

• She felt love from her parents was conditional.

• She judges herself for not doing what she wants to do.

• She has a love/hate relationship with money.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Create a self-love-healing plan and an action plan.

• Approach her work from a different perspective.

• Identify where her triggers originate.

• Create safety in her system.

• Love herself through it.

• Check out the upcoming Women's Retreat.

Takeaways:

• What are the steps, both internally and externally, you need to take to make an intentional transition?

• Get your applications in to join Christine at her Signature Retreat.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Melillo is one of the most respected specialists in neurological disorders in America, Dr. Robert Melillo has been helping children overcome learning disabilities for over 30 years. His areas of expertise include: autism spectrum disorders, PDD/NOS, ADD/ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, Asperger's, Tourette's, bipolar disorder, and other mental, attention, behavioral and learning disorders. He is also an expert in diet, nutrition and neuroimmune disorders in children and adults. He is best known for his best selling book, Disconnected Kids. He has a brand new version of this book coming out the first week of August (and is available now for pre-orders on Amazon).

This episode is about feeling safe in our bodies by regulating the nervous system. Today's caller, Nicole, struggles to change her body weight and feels she lacks motivation and follow-through to do so. She asks for practical tips on how to shift it and create peace and love within herself.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode402]

Nervous system regulation is bringing awareness to our state of being. Meaning, are we in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal? Both states can be a trauma response. Trauma, simply defined, is too much, too fast, too soon, or too little for too long.

Hyperarousal means we are anxious, constantly bracing ourselves, staying busy and distracted to avoid pain, or we are nervous, vigilant, and possibly aggressive. Hypoarousal means we can be depressed, or we may lack motivation. We can even go into apathy or indifference.

Whether it is hyper or hypo, it means we are functioning with an unregulated nervous system. It is hard for people in an unregulated state to be present. A regulated nervous system is when we feel safe inside our body. Yet, it doesn't mean we're in a meditative state and doesn't mean we are a Zen master.

For those who grew up in an unsafe or chaotic house, your baseline is not going to be regulated. You can do all the emotional processing in the world to move the trauma and do inner child work but you have to practice a nervous system reset multiple times a day.

Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year with a comprehensive 7-month program starting in September 2023. This program is for coaches of all skill levels. Apply to become a certified coach and get a 3-month business bonus at https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel busy all the time and there don't seem to be enough hours in a day?

• Have you been wanting to release weight but you just can't seem to let it go?

• Do you know the benefits of self-love and self-care but you can't seem to do them?

• Did you grow up in a chaotic household and you long for peace and calm in your life?

Nicole's Question:

She struggles with prioritizing herself, practicing self-love, and having self-worth issues. She wants to lose weight but doesn't understand why she cannot stay motivated to do so.

Nicole's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She attended the Be the Queen program.

• Her father didn't value overweight people.

• Her mother was self-critical.

• She tries to eat healthily and has a gym membership.

• She loves being outside, dancing, and being with her dog.

• She is finishing her Master's degree.

• She finds little time to do the things she loves.

• Her nervous system baseline is hyper-aroused.

• She longed for peace and calm in her chaotic childhood home.

• She focuses on losing weight.

• She tells herself she will do the things she loves when she loses weight.

• She is a people-pleaser.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Break the pattern of being in a hyper-aroused state.

• Recalibrate her nervous system with hourly breaks and resets.

• Check out Style Space and use the promo code Christine10.

• Create peace and calm in her home and body.

• Practice transitions and be conscious about her next move.

• Practice saying no to create space for herself.

Takeaways:

• Find online content about nervous system regulation.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about getting over someone we can't seem to get over. Today's caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can't seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don't work out that teach us the most.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]

As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can't be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.

An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It's because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don't feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it's very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.

Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.

When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there someone that you've broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can't seem to let them go?

• Did you have a parent that wasn't there for you in the way that you truly desired?

• Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?

• Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn't get to be a kid?

Matthais's Question:

He had a painful breakup that he can't seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.

Matthais's Key Insights and Ahas:

• He hasn't felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.

• He is having difficulty connecting with new people.

• He was very much in love.

• The breakup was abrupt.

• His ex triggered something deep inside of him.

• He has some wounding in his past about his looks.

• His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.

• He has an avoidant attachment style.

• His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.

• His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother's life.

• He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.

• He hasn't experienced true intimacy.

• He felt his dad didn't want him and his mother parentified him.

• He is attracted to controlling women.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.

• When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn't a healthy love and that real love is safe.

• Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.

• Feel into self-love.

Takeaways:

• Read the book Attached or dive into the Coaches Corner episodes on attachment styles.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Emily is the founder of Ziva and has taught the Ziva Technique to over 40,000 people. Her best-selling book, Stress Less, Accomplish More, debuted at #7 out of all books on Amazon and has been translated into 12 languages. In 2021, she launched zivaKIDS, the first meditation course of its kind for kids ages 4-14.

A formerly stressed Broadway performer who was going gray at 27, Emily discovered a powerful practice that cured her insomnia and improved her health on the first day. The Ziva Technique is a powerful combination of mindfulness, meditation and manifesting designed to help you get better at life, not meditation.

You can join her for a FREE embodiment and manifestation event on May 17th at christinehassler.com/emily

This episode is about pausing and not deciding. Today's caller, Lydia, has been experiencing massive changes in her life over the past year. She is questioning whether or not to get married. She wants guidance about how she can relieve the pressure of making a choice and how to know what is right for her. She finds that sometimes not making a choice is the best choice.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode400]

There's nothing wrong with questioning. There is always a purpose in it. When we're in a place of doubt or questioning, it's good to explore it. When there's so much change happening, it can put us in more of a fight-or-flight survival-based response and we come from the emotionally reactive part of our brain. Or it can put our priorities and our values front and center to make us question anything that is not aligned.

When we are experiencing a lot of change or grief, it takes a while to find our footing. In times of transition and change, major decisions can be tricky. The part of us that likes to control and to know things, can have a hard time when we go back and forth about big decisions.

If your life is steady right now; if you're not going through grief or a big change, but you are finding it difficult to make a choice, you might just be scared of change. You might just need to make a choice. But, if your life has a lot of chaos in it or there are a lot of changes and uncertainty about making another big choice, that's when you can take time to pause and let what is in alignment with you rise to the surface.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. Get exquisite self-care from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat . There is still time to get the early bird discount.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Is there something you're trying to decide, or choose about, like a relationship, or whether to leave a job and you just can't get clarity or, you could talk yourself into either direction?

• Are you grieving? Did you just lose someone that was important to you and it's clouding your ability to choose?

• Did you go through a breakup or a job loss where you felt a sense of rejection and your self-confidence took a hit?

• Do you like to control? Do you like to have answers and being in that in-between of not making a choice can be a little wobbly for you?

Lydia's Question:

Many things in her life are changing. She is grieving the loss of her mother and having doubts about getting married. She would like guidance on how to move forward with confidence.

Lydia's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is grieving the loss of her mother.

• She is going through a job transition.

• She is planning her wedding and a move.

• She is questioning her decision to get married.

• She is judging her fiance and feels guilty about it.

• As an adult, she had to distance herself from her mother.

• Her job transition left her feeling rejected.

• She feels resistance when she tries to make a choice.

• She doesn't have safety in her nervous system.

• She is concerned about disappointing people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Pause, give herself some grace, and wait to make a choice about her relationship.

• Allow herself to be in the unknown as much as possible.

• Work on establishing safety in her nervous system.

• Surrender and take off the pressure to make a choice.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

More info about the retreat here:

https://christinehassler.com/signatureretreat/

This episode is about going back to move forward. Today's caller, Samm, missed out on some developmental learnings in childhood. She wants to empower others but is still not sure she can fully empower herself. If you feel that you don't have clarity about something, or feel you can't take the next step forward, it might be because of past trauma.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode399]

We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. Remember, compassion is different than scapegoating. If we blame everything on our childhood and everything is our parent's fault, that is being the victim. That is scapegoating. It's very different from compassion.

Compassion is understanding that we never got to that developmental stage as a child. So, it is harder for us to do it as adults. We need to have patience and compassion with ourselves. We all need to have compassion and be easier on ourselves when we miss out on things in our childhood that make parts of adulthood harder. It's necessary for us to go back and give our inner child what they didn't have and then move forward.

To expect ourselves to feel safe, to put ourselves out there, as a coach for example, when we didn't have safety as a child is like expecting a one-year-old to do algebra. It's just completely unrealistic. It is not developmentally possible.

Please be kind to yourself. Look at what you did not get in childhood that may have impacted you and not from the perspective of being damaged or broken. We have the parents we have to learn what we need to learn in this lifetime.

Elementum Coaching Institute is beginning its 3rd year in September 2023. Christine co-founded Elementum Coaching to assist coaches and would-be coaches with the skills needed to build their businesses. Attend the free webinar for more information on May 15, 2023. To take advantage of early bird pricing and get more information about the upcoming Coach on Fire workshop go to https://elementumcoachinginstitute.com/coach-on-fire-workshop.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like you're unclear about something or do you lack clarity in some way?

• Did you have a childhood where you did not feel safe?

• Do you often feel disconnected from your own inner child?

• Is there something you want to do but you keep telling yourself that you're just stuck and you can't move forward?

Samm's Question:

Samm seeks clarity and would like guidance on how to create a safe place without feeling paralyzed to act on it.

Samm's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is a coach.

• She holds herself back when expressing herself.

• When she feels like putting her heart into something, she gets paralyzed and scared.

• Her parents were addicts. She chose a different path.

• She didn't feel safe as a child.

• She doubts she can fully support herself or others.

• She has been in survival mode for most of her life.

• She has a freeze response as part of her nervous system wiring.

• She feels she is not enough.

• As a child, she yearned to feel like she was important and that she mattered.

• She wanted to be held and know everything would be OK.

• She would like to build a group container with her clients.

• She wants to help empower others.

• She internalizes her sadness and has difficulty getting mad.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Have compassion for where she's come from.

• Work with herself with patience and love.

• Connect with the motherly part of her.

• Allow herself to get angry.

• Recognize when she is in a trauma response and make her inner child feel safe.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Natalie Lue is a writer, speaker, podcaster, artist, and founder of one of the longest running self-help blogs in the world, Baggage Reclaim and The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. She just released a new book, The Joy of Saying No, which highlights her six-step plan to help readers find their "no" so they can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with their values and authentic self.

This episode is about healing past trauma without reliving it. Today's caller, Suzy, knows there is trauma in her past but fears she must relive it to heal it. This conversation is helpful if you know there are things in your past you haven't dealt with and don't know where to start or have fears about addressing them.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode398]

When we experience trauma, we disassociate. We have to do it. It doesn't make us weak. It doesn't make us not vulnerable. And, it doesn't make us not emotionally intelligent. It is what we do to survive. We need to have compassion for our disassociation because it is a coping strategy and it's the only way we can survive trauma.

There comes a time when all the dissociation starts to add up, and it may make us feel dead inside. It is important that we do not go back and relive our trauma. We can use current-day triggers to ask — What is this triggering inside me? What is this reminding me of? Then, give ourselves the permission to feel and express all the feelings we didn't get to express, state our needs, and make our requests. That is how we heal. That's how we repair not by reliving the trauma.

Riding a current trigger or feeling back in time to see where we end up is one of the most useful ways to heal. It's about giving ourselves a voice, giving ourselves the freedom to express ourselves, giving ourselves compassion, and nurturing ourselves to meet the needs that didn't get met at that time. It's not about reliving our experiences.

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have trouble accessing feelings from your past? You can talk about your past but there's no emotion there.

• Are you finding you do have emotion in your current day situations and you don't quite know what to do with those triggers?

• Were you emotionally abandoned by your parents? Maybe they were physically there but they didn't really meet your emotional needs.

• Do you have trouble accessing your inner child?

Suzy's Question:

Suzy knows there are things in her past she has not dealt with but she doesn't know where to start or how to address them.

Suzy's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is seeing a therapist.

• Her past is affecting her current relationships.

• She feels abandoned by her husband.

• She feels sad and lonely.

• She fears reliving her past trauma.

• As a child, her physical needs were met but not her emotional needs.

• She has tried to share her feelings with her mother.

• She feels hopeless.

• She has never felt safe.

• She is surprised by the wise words from her inner child.

• She is capable of holding herself through her feelings.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Commit to continue to talk with her inner child.

• Recognize her triggers as an opportunity to check in with her inner child.

• Write or send herself a message starting with "I learned…, I feel…, what I am going to do moving forward is…".

• Get pictures of herself from different ages and see which she connects more deeply with.

• Be gentle with herself as she maneuvers the healing process.

Takeaways:

• If you are afraid to deal with your past, find a qualified practitioner.

• Check in with your inner child whenever you feel triggered.

• Come to the Signature Retreat in October.

• Listen to the previously recorded 3-day Inner Child Workshop.

• Be gentle and patient with yourself.

Sponsor:

Air Doctor — is an air filter and air purifier that creates the healthiest environment in your home. It filters out dangerous contaminants and allergens with an ultra HEPA filter that removes 99.99% of tested bacteria and viruses. If you want to order an Air Doctor today with a 30-day money-back guarantee, go to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code "Overit" and get up to 35% off on selected models.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

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 In this episode, Christine Hassler coaches Niamh, who struggles with the fear and inner critic preventing her from pursuing her passion for music. Niamh shares her journey of reconnecting with her love for music after being laid off from her corporate job.

Despite her progress, she faces a recurring block of fear, especially around visibility and judgment. Christine guides her through strategies to work with her fear rather than trying to overcome it, emphasizing the importance of nurturing and comforting the inner child.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you want to pursue a passion but feel paralyzed by fear?
• Do you have a loud inner critic that stops you from taking action?
• Do you take fear as a sign that you shouldn't do something?
• Are you afraid of judgment from others?

Guest Insights:

• Niamh has a deep passion for music but is hindered by a protective part that triggers fear and self-criticism.
• She recognizes that fear stems from childhood and struggles with visibility and harsh self-judgment.
• Niamh has tried forcing herself through fear but finds it counterproductive and re-traumatizing.

A-Ha Moments:

• Fear is not the absence of courage but moving forward despite fear.
• The inner critic often stems from past experiences where visibility and vulnerability were met with harsh judgment or unsafe situations.
• Working with fear involves nurturing the inner child and compassionately acknowledging the inner critic.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Slow down and break down fast-paced, subconscious thoughts to create separation from the inner critic.
• Bring the inner child into the process, comforting and holding her hand through fearful moments.
• Have a plan to support yourself if faced with negative feedback, such as deleting comments and seeking comfort.
• Write and perform songs that express the journey of dancing with fear rather than trying to overcome it.

Social Media Info:

• Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler
• Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on Twitter

Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

This episode is about a conflict between what our inner child wants and what our adult self needs. Today's caller, Cindy, is in a relationship that she knows she needs to leave but she feels frozen. She is looking for guidance on how to move forward and take action. This can be applied to anything whether it is a relationship, a job, or a pattern. There are some great tidbits about why we don't shift. 

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode397]

When we know there is an action we need to take but we just can't seem to do it we can analyze it, process it, and have awareness about it but we may still feel frozen and unable to take action.

Freeze is a trauma response. It doesn't matter how much we know what we "should" do when we are in a trauma response it all gets overridden with survival patterns. Our inner child believes that we will heal a wound by being with someone similar to the person who prompted our trauma. 

One of the best ways that you can make a change in your life is to do something different to get out of your comfort zone but to do it with a lot of love.  

For empathetic or people with co-dependent threads, love bombing is like a drug. Whether someone's a diagnosed narcissist or they have narcissistic tendencies, love bombing is not about the person receiving the love bomb. It's about control. It's not love.  

So, choose yourself. Legitimately and authentically love yourself out of the situation. 

My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who want to go deeper into their own consciousness, release layers that need to go, expand their femininity, get clear about their purpose, and heal wounds. It is October 13-15 in San Diego, CA. Early bird pricing ends soon so to sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat. 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you in a situation, relationship, friendship, or work situation where you know you need to make a change but you just can't seem to do it?

• Do you know that some of your choices are coming from your inner child but can't seem to make different choices?

• Do you often let fear stop you from doing something you need to do? 

• Are you frustrated with yourself because you know better but you just keep wondering why you're not doing better?

Cindy's Question:

Cindy is in a toxic marriage. She wants to end the relationship and get a divorce but she feels stuck and is not sure how to move forward.

Cindy's Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is finding it difficult to make a decision.

• She struggles with shame and anger about not leaving.

• She feels frozen.

• She feels her partner and her father are similar.

• Her father had an undiagnosed mental problem.

• Her partner love bombed her at the beginning of her relationship.

• She knows the relationship is not good for her.

• She feels her partner destroyed her life.

• She knows she has choices to make. 

• She is a people pleaser.

• She feels financially tied to the relationship.

• Her partner plays on her core wounds.

• She found it easier to get out of her first marriage.

• She will keep herself away from men that come with red flags.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Talk to her inner child about what love truly is.

• Assure her inner child that she will take care of her.

• Attend Christine's Signature Retreat.

• Make a decision by May 1, 2023.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

My friend Brooke Nichol joins me to talk about how to build a business by being great at relationships with people. Brooke is a registered nurse and the owner of Saving Face in Austin, TX. Her specialty is relationships and keeping clients looking natural and the best version of themselves. She has organically grown to two locations, becoming the most sought out feel good destination in Austin. 

She has an extensive background and training from world renowned plastic surgeons and experts in the field of aesthetics. 

She was named top 100 injector in the US in 2018. She is a national trainer for Allergan and was named top 10 lip expert in 2020. Brooke serves on Advisory Boards for Allergan and Revance.  

Brooke is a true entrepreneur who wears many hats. She is mama to two beautiful children, Knox (5), Miller (8). She created Post Love Skincare and will soon launch Saving Face Academy. There is much growth for Saving Face in the future and Brooke is quite certain that goodness will bring about more goodness.

This episode is about healing anxiety, unworthiness, and shame. Today's caller, Matt, recently came clean about some secrets about his past with his partner. He sabotaged his relationship but would like to date again, fully able to love and commit. Any listeners who felt instability in their childhood will benefit from this conversation.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode396]

Often, the people who are most free-spirited are the adults who as children wanted stability and didn't have it. They've never known stability so they have to fall in love with freedom or fall in love with not having accountability.

If you were adopted, didn't have time with your mother, or something happened, it doesn't mean you are doomed for life. Give yourself the dignity of your process. Give yourself the compassion, TLC, mothering, and nurturing you didn't receive. Having compassion for yourself and an understanding of why you are the way you are is important.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. There are so many people who have had much better lives because they've been adopted versus if they had stayed with their biological parents. And people who choose to give their child up for adoption because they know another family could give them a better life are angels in so many ways. Adoption can create a beautiful life for someone.

And if you do meditation, or a personal practice with the intention of fixing something, remember nothing heals in judgment. Go into modalities to feel, to heal, and to allow what is there, not try to get rid of it. Because nothing heals when we think we are broken.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you grow up feeling a sense of not belonging? Perhaps you were adopted, you were a different race or culture and you had that feeling of where do I fit?

• Do you deal with a sense of anxiety?

• Do you ever feel a sense of unworthiness?

• Have you shown up in relationships, friendships, or any aspects of your life that you haven't been proud of or that you have shame about?

• Have you held secrets and told lies?

Matt's Question:

Matt wants to start dating again but would like guidance on how to heal from his deep childhood wounding.

Matt's Key Insights and Ahas:

• He moved into a van to pursue a new life.

• He felt isolated after three months.

• He kept his trauma a secret.

• He was sexually abused.

• He was adopted by parents of a different race.

• He used drugs and alcohol to cope with his trauma.

• He is on a self-awareness journey.

• He opened up to his partner and they broke up.

• He cheated on his partner during their time together.

• He joined a 12-step program.

• He is struggling with rejection and failure.

• He doesn't truly trust himself.

• He has always felt like an outcast in many ways.

• He hasn't been able to love and commit in past relationships.

• He knows he is loved and wanted but often forgets.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Use meditation and breathwork to rebirth himself and remove judgmental thoughts.

• Have compassion for his journey.

• Know that he deserves to be loved and accepted.

• Find a practitioner to help him love his inner child.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.