Life after birth is a podcast hosted by me; mother, psychologist and coach, Yara Heary. This is where I'll talk to women about their complex experiences of being a mother. You'll find me talking to experts but not how you've heard them talk before. I'll be asking them about their experiences behind their expertise - who were they before a mother, how has it changed them, and who have they become.
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REPLAY - Cath Counihan on leaning into imperfection and being the parent she needed in her childhood
Tuesday, September 17, 2024 • Duration 01:00:29
*This is a replay series of previously released episodes, as I prepare all new episodes with new guests. New episodes will be back on the regular by Oct 2024. This replay series are the top 4 most listener to episodes and although we can't have favourite - they are very loved by me too!*
HOLY MOLY mamas! I actually just don’t even know what to say about this week’s episode with Cath Counihan.
It’s just THAT good. Cath is a London based trauma-informed Integrative Psychotherapist, lecturer, and host of the podcast Grow Yourself Up. She is a mother of twin girls and started her practice; Psychotherapy Mum after feeling blindsighted by her own experience of motherhood.
Cath’s work is focused on supporting those who are healing their own childhood trauma and specifically, her expertise is in the emotional journey of parents who did not have their needs met in childhood.
In today’s episode Cath tells us about her own ongoing journey with releasing control and leaning into imperfection. Cath also talks about how she managed her breaking point at 10 months post-partum; childhood trauma and how it shapes us; the lifelong work of building self compassion through reparenting; and how vulnerability has become her greatest strength.
This is a very open, raw, and generous conversation, and I am so grateful to Cath for gifting this to us.
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
REPLAY - Round Table Chat on Realigning Fatherhood: Bridging the gap between words and actions
Tuesday, September 10, 2024 • Duration 01:15:38
*This is a replay series of previously released episodes, as I prepare all new episodes with new guests. New episodes will be back on the regular by Oct 2024. This replay series are the top 4 most listener to episodes and although we can't have favourite - they are very loved by me too!*
This week, I’m joined by Mike Dyson and Erin Spahr in a thought-provoking discussion on an issue that struck a chord with my instagram audience: when fathers define themselves as "family men" but their actions tell a different story.
Mike is the founder of Good Blokes Co, which empowers men and boys to break down restrictive gender norms and to step up as leaders of a healthier culture of masculinity.
Erin is a licensed counsellor who approaches perinatal mental health from a social justice feminist lens. She is known as the Feminist Mom Therapist on Instagram and is also a cofounder of Therapists In Action, a collective of mental health professionals who advocate for social justice and liberation.
In this episode we discuss:
- The qualities a man who is living in alignment with being a family man would possess, and the cost to women who aren’t receiving these from their partner.
- How men are socialised to act in ways that are at odds with the way they must act as fathers, and often lack a blueprint of how to show up in this role.
- The evolution of what “providing” for your family means and what this truly entails, and the importance of presence, emotional connection and safety.
- How to navigate conversations within relationships about this issue, and the importance of using “I” statements and noticing when your nervous system is flooded.
- The power of therapy, the reasons why men may resist it and the importance of men having support and spaces they can go to be vulnerable and share their experiences.
This is such a rich conversation that I hope will leave you feeling less alone and empower men to redefine their roles as fathers and partners.
Jacqueline Kelly on Losing and Meeting yourself in Motherhood
Season 1 · Episode 43
Tuesday, June 4, 2024 • Duration 51:55
Hi mamas. Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Jacqueline Kelly, a matrescence coach who supports mothers who feel like they’ve lost themselves in motherhood. Founding Our Brave Hearts, Jacqueline works to challenge the unrealistic standards of motherhood that we are encouraged to aspire to and to support mums in rediscovering and reclaiming their confidence.
In this beautiful conversation, Jacqueline reflects on her own journey of matrescence and her transition from the freedom, adventure and spontaneity of living overseas to having her sense of self imploded when she became a mother. We discuss the romanticism of her notions of motherhood prior to having children, the identity crisis she experienced within the reality of it, where she has experienced the most growth along the journey, and the duality of the joys and the losses of motherhood.
We also discuss:
The experience of meeting yourself in motherhood by seeing parts of yourself in your children, the complexities of this and how the parts of our children that we struggle to hold are often the very things we never had held for us in our own childhoods.
Privilege and how the abundance of the times we live in allow us the space to have awareness and insight to be intentional on how we raise our families and create a different future for them.
The complexity and the emotional load of motherhood and the importance of having safe spaces to talk and work through these feelings, voicing our lived experiences in order to survive in, and surrender to, the process.
How deeply entranced idealised values and norms around mothering still are, and how the patriarchal structures of the societies we live in are so inextricably linked with our experience as mothers in this world.
Penny Moodie on Parenting With OCD, Self-Regulation and Reframing Failure As Evolution
Season 1 · Episode 42
Tuesday, May 21, 2024 • Duration 42:10
Hi mamas. Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Penny Moodie, a writer, OCD advocate and mum of three. In 2023, she wrote the incredible book, ‘The Joy Thief’, sharing her personal journey and the stories of fellow OCD sufferers, exploring OCD stigmas and treatments with raw honesty and zero judgement.
In this conversation, we talk about Penny’s experience of becoming a mother, and in particular her experience of this while suffering with OCD. Undiagnosed at the time of her first child’s birth, she reflects on how the transition to parenthood prompted her to seek diagnosis and help, wanting to be fully present for her son.
We also discuss:
Penny’s preparation for motherhood, and her reflections on how her OCD consumed so much of her energy and brain space that she spent comparatively little time thinking about and preparing for the shifts and changes that parenthood would bring.
How OCD showed up for Penny in the early stages of her motherhood, and how perinatal OCD can affect both men and women.
The significance of finding the right therapist, with the right interest or specialism in what you are seeking help for, and the importance of attuning to your intuition and sense of knowing when it comes to what is working for you, and having the confidence to seek an alternative therapist if you don’t feel it’s a good fit.
The role of self-regulation in parenting and how, by nurturing this skill and the ability to repair when we don’t respond how we would like, we can see real change and growth. We also discuss this in the content OCD, and how self-regulation requires you to sit in uncomfortable emotions.
Rachael Shepard-Ohta on Taking The Pressure off Baby Sleep and The Relinquishing of Control in Motherhood
Season 1 · Episode 41
Tuesday, May 7, 2024 • Duration 45:38
Hi mamas. Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Rachael Shepard-Ohta, who is a certified sleep consultant, a parent educator, content creator, podcaster, mother of three and founder of Hey Sleep Baby. I had the pleasure of being on Rachael’s podcast, No One Told Us, last year and I was so happy to have the opportunity to have another wonderful conversation with her here.
In this episode, we discuss Rachael’s expectations prior to becoming a mother and how her lived experience compared to this, and in particular, the relinquishing of control that comes with parenthood and how this can bring out a part of ourselves that we may not have had much contact with prior to becoming a parent.
We also talk about Rachael’s journey to starting Hey Sleepy Baby, following her own negative experience with sleep training her first child as a response to outside pressure surrounding her baby’s sleep, and the passion this ignited in her to challenge the status quo of baby sleep advice.
We also discuss:
- The versions of ourselves from before we had children, the transition parenthood brings and how, when we feel resistance or struggles in our mothering, it is often due to these parts of our former selves that are still there and are needing to be seen.
- The challenge of balancing the requirements of career and work alongside motherhood, and in particular both mine and Rachael’s experience of running our own businesses and the challenges this can present in terms of compartmentalising and being present with our children
- Rachael’s experience of postnatal anxiety following the birth of her first child, which was contributed to by the stress and external pressures surrounding her baby’s sleep. We reflect on the preoccupation with baby sleep in these early phases and how this stems from the lack of support within our culture.
Chrissy Powers on moving away from the purist ‘good girl’ archetype, and reparenting ourselves while parenting
Season 1 · Episode 40
Tuesday, April 23, 2024 • Duration 47:17
Hi mamas. Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Chrissy Powers, a licensed marriage and family therapist, mum, wife, writer and embodiment coach. I’ve been following Chrissy on social media for quite some time and I just love her beautiful, authentic, warm presence, which shines through in this conversation.
In this episode, we discuss Chrissy’s background and some of her early internalised ideas of being the ‘good girl’, how this showed up in her adulthood and her mothering, and her departure from this archetype over time, allowing her to redefine herself according to her own ideals in her thirties and into her forties.
We also discuss purity culture and Chrissy’s experience of growing up in a small evangelical Christian church, the ideals that she was raised with, and the shame, guilt and isolation this culture can create. We discuss this in relation to Chrissy’s experience of parenting her children, and where the line is between what is and what isn’t our job as parents.
We also discuss:
How our children shouldn’t and can’t be the complete source of our fulfilment, and our experiences of needing work and other pursuits to feel fully whole, which ultimately then allows us to give more to our families and connect with our children in a more present way
Chrissy’s traumatic birth experience and the start of her mothering journey, and the disparity between what so many of us expect motherhood to be, and our lived experiences of it, and the significance and importance of having support in those early stages
Consciously choosing to parent in a different way to how you were parented, and the immense work involved in having to heal the parts of ourselves that may still be hurting from our childhood experiences, to then allow us to parent in a different way for our own children, to imprint a new legacy into our family.
Ali Heppell on Being a Motherless Mother and Navigating Grief
Season 1 · Episode 39
Tuesday, April 9, 2024 • Duration 52:14
Hi mamas. In this episode of Life After Birth, I am joined by Ali Heppell, a postpartum doula, matrescence educator and guide, and women’s circle facilitator. She is also a wife and mum to two boys.
In this conversion, we discuss Ali’s experience of becoming a mother after losing her own mother to cancer just a few years prior. We discuss Ali’s experience of the grief of losing her mother, her honouring of this grief and how it shaped her own mothering journey. Ali shares her immense loss and longing for her mother, and her journey of going inwards and seeking solace and comfort in parenting herself.
We also discuss:
Grief, how it changes and evolves over time, and the power of self-compassion, mindfulness and sharing, to connect to the shared common humanity of the experience.
The ‘unravelling’ and the ‘becoming’ of matrescence, and how motherhood can so often catalyse a huge journey of growth, a shifting of priorities and a change of identities, and the parallels of this with grief.
The seasons of matraescence, and the power of knowing in the darker and more challenging times, that things are everchanging and it won’t always feel this hard.
The power of self-compassion in motherhood; mothering yourself, being kind to yourself, and gently nudging your inner voice in a kinder and more compassionate direction.
This is a beautiful, vulnerable and raw conversation, and I hope it brings comfort and strength to you mamas.
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
Renee Cachia On Dropping The “Needless Woman” Archetype
Season 1 · Episode 38
Tuesday, March 26, 2024 • Duration 01:01:52
Hi mamas. Join me as I speak with Renee Cachia, experienced psychologist and founder of Inner Bloom Psychology Practice. Renee is committed to improving the lives of families by empowering parents with psychoeducation and creating environments for young people to thrive from the inside out. She is a mum to her 2-year-old daughter and, at the time of recording this episode, was pregnant with her second child.
In this conversation, we hear about Renee’s journey as a mother; her experience of reinventing herself, and the importance of identifying, and then advocating, for your needs. This is something so many of us find difficult due social and cultural expectations which often position mothers as “needless women” who exist only to care and nurture those around them.
We also discuss:
- Renee’s experience of having a pandemic baby and the challenges that she navigated during a period of the unknown.
- The importance of self-compassion in mothering, and reframing ‘self-care’ as mothering the mother within us.
- Leaning into the tenderness of the matrescence process
- And the why understanding your own values is key to mothering on your terms.
We also share some mantras and mindset shifts that have helped us change our perspective and help regulate our nervous system in times of dysregulation.
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
Elyse McNeil on Navigating the Mental Load and Embracing Rest as a Mother
Season 1 · Episode 37
Tuesday, March 12, 2024 • Duration 57:16
Hi mamas. This week I talk to Dr. Elyse McNeil, Mental Load Expert and Founder of Share to Thrive, who is passionate about helping couples thrive in their relationships by providing them with strategies to help them navigate the mental load of parenthood.
In this beautiful conversation, we discuss Elyse’s preparation for her own transition into mothering, and the kinds of conversations she and her husband had to facilitate sharing the load. We discuss the importance of open and intentional communication early on to avoid unconscious agreements that often lead the default roles that are socially prescribed to us.
We also discuss:
- The importance of both parents being involved in the day to day load of parenting, enabling them both to build skills and confidence together.
- How exploring patriarchal motherhood ideologies can help us distinguish between imposed expectations and our personal standards, leading to self-growth and the release of unrealistic ideals.
- Whether its really possible to split a load 50/50.
- The importance of creating permission to relinquish the need to be productive and to embrace rest in motherhood, and how this needs to be made a priority, rather than an afterthought.
Elyse has such beautiful insights and I hope you enjoy this rich conversation.
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
Kelly Wright on Grieving the Motherhood Journey We Didn’t Have
Season 1 · Episode 36
Tuesday, February 27, 2024 • Duration 59:54
Hi mamas. In this episode of Life After Birth, I am joined by Kelly Wright who has recently joined me at Life After Birth in a therapist capacity. Kelly is a mother and therapist trained in social work, attachment theory, nutrition, internal family systems, polyvagal work, and I’m so happy to have her on the team.
In this raw and vulnerable conversation, Kelly shares some of the challenges she has experienced in her mothering journey, and the disparity between what she expected to come with motherhood and the reality of her lived experience. We talk about the dark and messy places she has traversed to find her strength and inner knowing as a mother, and the anger and grief that comes with raising a child who experiences the world in more challenging ways. We also touch on the often-complex decision of whether or not to expand your family.
Other parts of our conversation include:
Kelly’s experience of anxiety, OCD and eating disorders during in her twenties, and how this affected her perception of her resilience and capacity to be a mother.
Kelly’s initial fear about being a mother and how this shifted over time.
The power in shifting your perspective to view what you might have seen as your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, to viewing them as signs of your resilience and strength.
The need for mothers to be held, and the importance of seeking help when things are hard; that things don’t need to be extreme to seek help, and that this support can come in many forms, such as therapy and women’s circles.
And sooooooo much more. I hope you get as much comfort from this conversation as I did from having it.
REFERENCED RESOURCES
- ‘Fair Play’, by Eve Rodsky - How Other Dads Dad’ – Podcast by Hamish Blake
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
Getting rid of the ‘good child’ archetype, which is fed into by the ‘good girl’ archetype and the thinking that our child’s behaviour reflects on us, which is not a responsibility for our children to hold
And much more. This was a beautiful conversation and I hope that you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed having it.
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas *** This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas *** This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
*If you are an Australian resident and are looking for some support as you mother, Kelly has availability to support you now. You can find out more about her and book in a session here: https://www.lifeafterbirth.com.au/kelly
Here is where you can find out more about me (Yara), how to work with me and some resources:
*** Waitlist for The Rebirth, Group Coaching for Mamas ***This is my signature 3 months online group coaching container for mothers which covers family of origin, inner child work, nervous system basics, anger, boundaries and much more.
Looking for support for anger while you mother? To access my Why Am I So Angry Workshop click HERE
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