The newly Susan-free TARDIS lands on Dido (but, alas, too late to prevent her musical career from happening).

There they find a distressed Susan-alike, her grumpy companion and the sinister Koquillion, who is spiky both in physiognomy and personality.

Can our intrepid travellers discover Bennett's secret?

Will Babs murder any more of Vicki's pets?

How will the Doctor survive without having the word "Grandfather" shrieked into his face on a regular basis?

And did Jim and Martin enjoy their sojourn on Dido or were they in desperate need of rescue?

Listen to find out!

Find the podcast here, on iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and elsewhere.

And follow us on Facebook, Threads, Bluesky and Mastodon.

If you have a moment, please consider giving us a rating and review on iTunes, Spotify, Audible,  etc. Many thanks!

 

After a series of scrapes with mercury vapour, a robot and a food machine, things get even worse for the Doctor and Jamie.

They fetch up on the latest base-under-insane-leadership and meet some old enemies and a smart-arsed new friend.

Are three digits really better than five?

Brother, can you spare a Bernalium rod (for a hungry cybermat)?

Could you identify a Hercules Cluster in a blindfolded smell test?

And did Jim and Martin find the story 'fantastic' or was it spinning its wheels?

Listen to find out! 

Special mention to Iz and Steve Skinner for their wonderful 3D animation of the missing episodes of this story.

This podcast episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

You can also find us on Facebook, Threads, Bluesky and Mastodon.

Thanks for listening!

So it's time to go home for Andy Pandy fangirl, Sarah Jane Smith.

And there's a hand pulling the strings in this show too, giving tupperware a bad name and Professor Watson a bad day at the power plant.

Handily, crystalline cosmic crook Eldrad can reform herself from her moribund mitt and then she herself suffers from a wandering hand from her leading man.

For a change, we leave a quarry to land on an alien planet where 'she' becomes a 'he', the decibel level rockets and he – and the serial – fall off a cliff.

But is it OK to fancy Eldrad?

How many (if any) puerile 'ring' jokes should be allowed in one podcast episode?

And do Jim and Martin think The Hand of Fear deserves a thumbs up? Or do they give it the finger?

Listen and you might get an answer to some or none of the above.

The lads also review the brand new audiobooks of Dalek and The Crimson Horror!

Also available on Spotify.

"I hate the architect."

Another dose of self-loathing from the Doctor? Or has he just watched 'The Towering Inferno' once too often?

Well it's one of many questions and many twists in the oh-so-tricky Time Heist - a tale of the cloned mega-rich, sunken-headed criminals, a love-lorn mind muncher and a motley crue of amnesiac bank robbers.

One's a top-drawer impressionist, another is wired for data, and a third might end up being late for a much less important date. All are called to heel by some unnaturally assertive eyebrows.

Why are they there? What are they trying to steal? And what exactly did that naughty Sensorite get up to?

Jim and Rob do some detective work and try to crack the incredible case of the Successful Steve Thompson Story.

Listen in to see how they got on.

 

 

"I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism."

Not our words, the words of financially-motivated, fish-blooded fungus, The Collector.

One of The Sun Makers, this blob of seaweed with ideas above its station loves a healthy balance sheet and an unhealthy executionee but meets his match when the 4th Doctor, Leela and K9 visit plutocratic Pluto.

It's a miserable world of wooden tables, cardboard control panels, unappetising curries and clown's-pocket-sized credit cards.

The Doctor moos like a cow, Leela fights like a wildcat and K9 acts like a dog - much to Martin's incandescent rage.

But is the story as saleable as a tray of hot cakes or a bucket of cold sick?

Listen and find out.

"Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there."

And some may think Clara Oswald is always there, in shot.

But not Jim and his mystery new podcast companion.

They wax lyrical on the rather watchable Listen and ponder tricky dates, misunderstood soldiers and canon attacks.

Who wrote on the Doctor's blackboard? Who or what was under the bedclothes? And was there anything outside Orson's spaceship?

For the answer to all of these questions, call Steven Moffat.

 

And, while you're on hold, give our episode a Listen.

"No damsels in distress. No pretty castles. No such thing as Robin Hood."

Well it just goes to show that even curmudgeonly old Time Lords can get things wrong occasionally, although the TARDIS team do also manage to encounter a Robot of Sherwood or several during their sojourn in Merrie England.

Hair is plucked, sandals are sniffed, targets are incinerated and a baddie is cast into a vat of boiling gold.

All in a day's work for Spoonman and Clara.

But does the episode hit the target or plummet into the moat of obscurity and derision?

Listen in and find out...

 

"Top layer, if you want to say a few words."

Ooh that 12th / 14th / 271st Doctor is a silver-tongued charmer, isn't he?

Perhaps being poked into a mental Dalek has upset his equilibrium? Or maybe not. Who knows? Who nose? etc. etc.

So Jim and Martin go Into The Dalek and try to discover why the Doctor looks so sheepish, if Clara's was a happy slap, what makes punters qualify for Missy's Heaven and if random words do a character name make.

Listen to their aimless pontifications here.

 

 

 

"And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious!"

Peter Capaldi is the Doctor and Jim and Martin escape their Classic Who bonds to observe him in his inaugural outing, Deep Breath.

It's a Victorian melodrama, featuring a newly-coatless tramp, two attack eyebrows, some amazingly tolerant Londoners and the only restaurant with a negative Michelin star count.

Is age just a number? Does offing a clockwork robot count as homocide? And is Murray Gold really playing a kazoo?

Find out here. Maybe.

 

 

"Clever. Clever. Clever."

Well, if the Cybermen are that bloomin' clever, they'd target the more body-conscious members of The Moonbase crew with their veiny virus too.

Never mind, the silver giants have plenty more plans up their practice golfball-studded sleeves and this spells trouble for the internationally-branded Boyz N The Base.

But they reckon without Gollum Doctor, a lead-swinging Jamie, Polly the Barista, and Ben "Know-it-all" Jackson.

Will the Cybermen be able to cope with the gravity of the situation? Just what will fire extinguishers look like in 2070 AD? And is Dr Evans the most active dead man in history?

Find out (maybe) here!

 

 

 

"You may be a doctor but I'm the Doctor – the definite article you might say."

 

A statement of intent from the fresh and dewy Tom Baker in his first ever story, Robot.

As well as being introduced to the boggle-eyed Bohemian, we continue the Adventures of Sarah Jane Smith, politely clap Benton's latest promotion and discover what the Brig does with his car keys (and more) at the weekends.

If that wasn't exciting enough, we also meet a crazy-haired professor, an unusually silent politician, a camp Neo-Nazi and Dennis Waterman's Hitlerian ex-wife – not to mention the limp-wristed tin man of the title.

So does the first Bakerian era start with a big bang or a wimpy whimper? Listen in to find out what Jim and Martin make of it all.

"This fellow's bright green apparently. And dead."

 

What's that you say? Green? And, more importantly, dead? This must be the 1973 Jon Pertwee quorn-clogged classic, The Green Death, then.

 

Wherein the Doctor escapes from Metebelis III and seeks comfort in some cosplay while Jo finds love, the Brig finds a dinner suit at the bottom of his overnight bag and Mike Yates finds the true inner peace that only BOSS's brainwashing can bring.

 

The miners display the survival instincts of lemmings, Dai and Fell fulfill their nominal destinies and Stevens reveals the new staff perk for Global Chemicals employees – a fully equipped S&M dungeon.

 

Throw in some horrific maggots and some horrifically bad special effects and you have something of a great big melting pot – of "delicious" fungus soup.

 

 

So is this a case of "there's lovely"? Listen in and find out.

"Lord Niiiimon… it is I, Soldeed…"

Words to strike terror into every self-respecting Doctor Who fan.

Yes, Jim and Martin scrape the very bottom of the cavernous Who barrel this time and confront The Horns of Nimon.

The budget is low but the camp is oh-so-very high. Tom Baker and Graham Crowden compete to bite the biggest chunks out of the unimpressive scenery, accompanied by the wrong Romana and the incorrect K9, while Janet Ellis longs desperately for her Blue Peter job offer to come through the post.

Marvel as trained dancers balance enormous bull masks on their heads and themselves on their ludicrous platform shoes. Gasp as the co-pilot flaps his jowls like a demented bloodhound. Consider suicide as Crowden and Baker have the time of their lives, at the expense of the production and its tormented viewers.

But is it so bad it's good? Or is it so bad that it'll split your trousers?

 

Listen in for Jim and Martin's verdicts on this pseudo-mythical mess.

Welcome to The Fun Factory: trespassers will be self-prosecuted.

The Valeyard (aka The Flaw Doctor) makes the most of a unique Time Lord feature and gives his own SJW predecessor a right legal leathering on Space Station SFX.

But they still find time for trips to Camber Quicksands and Popplewick's House of Exploding Quills, where the waiting room is spacious but gives you that sinking feeling.

The Doctor quotes, the Master gloats and Glitz dotes on bank notes, while the Keeper is not averse to the odd slide tackle to protect his Panatropic Net (even though Mel always aims for row Z).

But did Jim and Martin find The Ultimate Foe ultimately forgettable or a worthy way to end an era?

Listen to find out.

The lads also review the audiobooks of The Krotons and The Curse of Fenric.

Also available on Spotify.

"You can't mend people!"

Well tell that to a doctor – Who or otherwise.

And the Kinda can mend doolally folk too, turning them from sociopaths to simpletons by simply opening a box. A bit like Deal or No Deal in reverse.

But is Kinda a box of delights or one of Pandora's old cast-offs?

Well, Nyssa's barely in it so that's a promising start but Adric's face freaks Martin out, the presence of both Nerys Hughes and multiple Tegans sends Jim into a priapic frenzy and a moccasin-faced local keeps spouting spiritual riddles.

The Doctor is an idiot, Tegan has narcolepsy and Adric keeps trying to twok the TSS. Couple that with a jester who badly needs his puppet (and more) stamped on, an effete bloke from That's Life roaring like a frightened vole and the Universe's least enticing bouncy castle and you have something of a mixed bag.

But, when it comes to Kinda fans, are Jim and Martin among the We or the Not-We?

Listen and find out.

"The events will happen, just as they are written. I'm afraid so and we can't stem the tide. But at least we can stop being carried away with the flood!"

And there's a veritable flood of unexpected stars in the Season One closer, The Reign of Terror.

Rowan Atkinson captures the younger three-quarters of the TARDIS team, while Jonny Vegas bangs them up. Bill Murray busts them out only for Ian to nearly come a cropper at the hands of Rentaghost's Mr Meaker, who himself has another bust in mind when it comes to Babs.

And an extra gets his moment in the sun too – quite literally – as William Hartnell's Lime Grove-inspired agoraphobia prevents him from indulging in a spot of location filming.

The first Doctor's old body may already be wearing thin after walking all the way to Paris but he looks as robust as Charles Atlas next to his galactically feeble granddaughter Susan, who does more to imperil the time travellers than either First Deputy Robespierre or the last-past-the-post Traitor Party.

But even in 1794 or 1964, nothing is black and white, so who’s right and who’s wrong? Robespierre or Renan? Barbara or Ian? Jim or Martin?

Listen and decide…

"Chap with the wings there… five rounds rapid!"

 

And lo… animated gargoyle, Bok, was treated to several speedy ales at Ye Olde Cloven Hoofe tavern, a far preferable fate than a dance with Mike Yates.

 

Yes, it's the 1971 occult classic, The Daemons – a satanic saga of a renegade reverend, a vile verger, tiresome TV chaps and a reticule-swinging spinster.

 

Yates and Benton are wearing civvies, Jo's wearing a sacrificial robe and the Doctor's just wearing.

 

Who is the Brig's bedfellow? Just what does Garvin get up to with ferrets? And has there ever been a valid justification for Morris Dancing?

 

You'll burn up with excitement. You'll freeze in terror. And you'll believe a sprightly yellow roadster can drive itself.

 

Open up the podcast and bring death and destruction to your mental faculties…

"It's the end… but the moment has been prepared for."

 

The final words of the boggle-eyed mentalist octogenarian Tom Baker, just prior to being trampled by a crusty ballet dancer and so triggering his metamorphosis into the world's wettest vet.

 

Jim and Martin start this episode by skewering The Time of the Doctor but then evaluate another regeneration story, 1981's Logopolis.

 

The fourth Doctor is old and grumpy and the Master is new and campy, while Adric "wunts" to help, Tegan wants to fly and Nyssa just wants to have fun, despite losing her step mother, father and planet in short order.

 

Can Noel Edmonds keep the fabric of the Universe together? Can the Doctor's plan to literally flush out the Master be any more ludicrous? And can Anthony Ainley make any more of a meal of pressing a button?

 

Listen here to find out.

"Proof! Proof! Proof! It always comes back to the same thing."

Well that's what we were all saying when rumours were rife about the recovery of missing episodes, and is also the Doctor's mantra in this now-extant artefact.

Recently exhumed six-parter, The Enemy of the World, is the tale of a Hancock-alumnus with rant-management problems, a shouty youth with claustrophobia and a wet girlfriend, and a jug-eared sociopath who has his hair chewed rather than cut.

The Doctor, meanwhile, is wearing his hair in a new way, Jamie is wearing a gimp suit and Victoria is just wearing.

Did the helicopters, hovercrafts and most pointless piece of machinery in Who history blow our minds or just the budget?

Find out here.

"I don't want to go!"

A popular phrase this Doctor Who 50th Anniversary weekend. And maybe Jim didn't fancy the visit to Martin's house and all the danger that entailed.

But there was Who to be celebrated and our intrepid podcasters braved crowds, a clergyman and an under-cooked Dalek cake to pay their respects to the venerable Time Lord.

And here's what they made of the veritable (Verity-able?) smorgasbord of Who delights...

"This doesn’t roll along on wheels, you know!"

So there you have it, time travel technology explained in a nutshell.

Yes, it's An Unearthly Child - the first ever four episodes of a wee programme called Doctor Who. We give it six months, if it's lucky…

It's a grimy old saga that begins with a foggy junkyard, a crafty old weasel and a police box that's ALIVE!

Then we go back to our roots and join a convivial bunch of skull-cracking cave people, including a greasy-wigged leader, a prehistoric Lady Macbeth, a mighty-nosed sex pest and a poor man's King Yrcanos.

Ian gets a shock, Babs gets hysterical, Susan gets her freak on and the Doctor gets on everyone's nerves.

Fagin takes on Greg Sutton in a bone-splitting, pumpkin-smashing fight to the death, while Babs borrows Susan's infamous trip-every-trip footwear for a moonlit dash to TARDIS.

So is the dawn of Mankind a good place to kick off our favourite Adventure in Space and Time? Listen in and find out…

"Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike." Not a description of Jim and Martin attempting to produce a remotely professional podcast but the words of a very unusual lady...
Sigh with ennui as Jim and Martin try to understand The Doctor's Wife, despite failing ever to have done so with their own. Yes, it's that surreal saga where the TARDIS trio land on a friendly planet and witness the exciting new dance duo 'Patchwork People', who put on a memorable show despite possessing three left feet between them. And where the House Grill speciality is a meaty, sausage-fingered hand in a questionable bap. But what does Jim keep in his sculleries? And, after 50 years of the show, has Martin really developed an allergy to watching people run through corridors? Find out in the podcast which is definitely smaller than it appears from the outside.

"The great god Vulcan must be enraged. It's so volcanic. It's like some sort of volcano."

Marvel as the next Doctor forges new vocabulary before your very eyes…

Yes, it's Peter Capaldi, in a previous life, as a patriarch who escapes a pumice pummelling. But it's David Tennant as the legendary Time Lord who saves his future self from The Fires of Pompeii, with the aid of his trusty Water Pistol of Death.

It's a tale of armless augurs, stony seers and Sybelline Sisters as born-again Welsh folk Mr and Ms Spartacus end up with prime seats for the Monsters of Rock.

Are fixed points in time pointless? Has Amy Pond branched out into Sister-of-Karn-o-grams? And is the only way up for danders?

Listen in as Jim and Martin, neither household names nor household gods, let their thoughts erupt.

"Lots of planets have a north!"

Yes, the grinning, jug-eared bloke from Northern Gallifrey makes his debut in 2005’s seminal legend-resuscitator, Rose.

Everyone’s favourite chav, the eponymous Rose Tyler, has a bronze medal in under-7s gymnastics, a boyfriend who goes from annoying to plastic to basket case in 45 minutes and a Mum who all but twerks at passing strangers.

No wonder she fancies a spot of travel. But first she must deal with plastic non-students, a disembodied arm, an internet weirdo and an angry vat of custard. These things happen when a benevolent alien blows up your job.

So what do Jim and Martin make of their tentative foray into nascent NuWho? Find out here (just don’t mention the belching wheelie bin).

You may think life can't get much worse at the moment but locked-down Brexity Britain looks positively idyllic compared to Blighty under the rubber skirt of Dalek rule.

This septic isle is overrun with motorised dustbins, headphone-wearing dullards who've really let themselves go and the most unrealistic pet since K9.

The Doctor falls on his coccyx, Susan falls in love, Ian falls out of a door and Babs falls in with a rough crowd and TWOKs a dustcart. Luckily, a fratricidal fellow rebel lends two hands and Mr Rumbold lends his ears but the perma-grumpy Mrs Briers fails to stop Babs succumbing to crones.

Would you buy a used mattress from a Dalek?

Is the entry exam for the Roboman Academy too difficult?

How many floating corpses would it take to put you off a glass of water?

And did Jim and Martin find The Dalek Invasion of Earth to be a glorious triumph or a misbegotten folly?

Listen to find out!

The lads also review the audiobooks of Fury From The Deep and The Awakening.

Also available on Spotify.

"This cannot be how it ends!"

Well it damn nearly was.
Yes, it's time to reconsider the 1996 Paul McGann TV Movie, with its gun fights, fist fights, car chases, snogging and schmaltz (no way was this an American production!).
The Doctor is now only half-Gallifreyan with a naff syrup and an Addams Family interior design sense, while the Master is now part-snake, part-personal lubricant dispenser, with a penchant for "drezzing" up.
Thank Bod for Amazing Grace with her static tear and innate knowledge of Time Lord temporal mechanics and for Chang Lee's hip high-fiving - keeping us well and truly anchored to the Eighties in this Millennial tale.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy their Whocation in North America? Or did they yearn for Blighty with its breadline budgets, cramped sets and silly CSO? And what do they think of Peter Capaldi's casting as the 12th Doctor?
Listen here to find out, y'all!

“I haven't got no mum and dad. I've never had no mum and dad and I don't want no mum and dad. It's just me, all right?”
So who’s this perishin’ apple-cheeked cockernee urchin then? Why, it’s Ace! And she joins the show in 1987’s Dragonfire, which mercifully closes Season 24.
It’s a frosty fable involving a wobbly-headed ANT, some woeful ice statuary and a frigid frozen food salesman.
A screamer leaves, a street yoof joins, a permed old rascal returns, and the Doctor reveals that he is in fact not half-human, but half-lemming.
Who is the little girl (and why)? Does it really take 3,000 years to set up a moderately successful branch of Iceland? And would you buy a fish finger from a homicidal maniac?
Jim and Martin ponder these questions and more (e.g. “Isn’t there something better on another channel?”) so join them as they break the ice and chase the dragon…

"Chop Suey, the Galactic Emperor"
The elusive Robin Bland serves up this dubious dish, with a hefty helping of hairy kebab meat, in 1976's The Brain of Morbius.
But it's still a more appetising proposition than the Liquorice Bootlace Surprise at Chez Mehendri, a Bohemian bistro with a red, white and green wine list.
The latest renegade Time Lord may be half man/half Macra with a goldfish bowl bonce but he's not the only patchwork person around. He's joined by a bearded old crone who's a cross between Chuck Heston and one of his Apes, and a home help who's equal parts Richard III, Liam Gallagher and Abu Hamza.
Sarah goes blind and the Doctor gets blind drunk but sobers up in time to blind the Sisterhood with chimney sweep science. Then Morbius broadsides us with a colossal non-canon ball - the bombshell that Tom Baker is, in fact, the mystery 12th Doctor.
It's lively, it's loony and it's lurid so listen in as Jim and Martin bend their minds in an attempt to make sense of it all.

"It's rather a pity, in a way. Now the universe is down to six hundred and ninety nine wonders."

The Doctor reacts badly to the news of Girls Aloud splitting up. Luckily, the Krynoid Podcast is here to take his mind off it.

After giving Cold War, Hide and Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS the once-over, Jim and Martin travel back in time to 1974 for Death to the Daleks - a tale of disarmed Daleks, operatic Exxilons and homicidal hoovers from the City of Dave.

They play 'Spot the Terry Nation Trope' while also wondering just how terrifying a patch of two-toned flooring can be.

With an empty Dalek 'standing' about and a blushing high priest channeling Spike Milligan, they ask 'Who is the real goon?'

And they plead with Carey Blyton to stop using sax as a weapon.

So why not dive in? Come on, the water's effervescent...

"Nobody wants you. Nobody needs you. Nobody cares!"

Well that's the review of Timelash done then.

Nevertheless, Jim and Martin gently tap themselves into the unrealistic Kontron tunnel of the title to see if they can't discover a gem or two.

Baker's baubles get harnessed and Peri unleashes her inner damsel in distress, while Avon dons a Dick 3 wig and channels Henry Irving.

The toga-togged Karfelans are menaced from above by Muppet cobras and from below by overgrown slowworms, little knowing that their dastardly dictator is actually half the man he used to be.

Can the Doctor free them from this terrifying regime, where beekeepers and body-popping androids are a pain in the neck and where 'Tinsel Inside' is considered the highest mark of quality for time technology?

Is Timelash as bad as the fan Hive Mind decrees?

 Yes… indeed… it… is…

"Something is coming to our village... something very wonderful and strange."

So is the Davison two-parter The Awakening "wonderful and strange"?

Well the sets are certainly wonderful and there are some rather strange goings on in Little Hodcombe.

There's a bad-wigged nutter with a tinclavic stress ball, a one-eyed beggar with a penchant for ladies' handbags and Ben Wolsey's infamous Reproduction Room, for starters.

Where does old Big Face keep his body? Would an incredulous guppy make a good companion? And just who is the old fella with the wizened chesticles?

Listen as Jim and Martin awaken their feeble brain cells and try to answer these questions, while distinguishing set from location, real person from projection and, rather more easily, stroppy air hostess from straw May Queen.

"The age of man is over, Doctor. The age of the virus has begun."

 

Oh dear. Time to run this file through McAfee then?

No. Fret Not. These words are spoken by a giant prawn to a Time Lord, just after exiting his body through his tear duct. Yes, this can only be Tom Baker's bonkers brain-centric epic, The Invisible Enemy.

Wherein the Doctor and Leela, in reduced circumstances, wander about inside the Gallifreyan's brain, hotly pursued by a hairy-eyed Hitler. Signs are spelt orl rong, a certain metal dog makes his debut as a violent virologist and a behemoth of a bottom-feeder gets pushed around on a skateboard, presumably in search of a suitably large barbeque upon which to end his days.

Now where did I put that Thousand Island dressing…?

"I have my own methods... I keep my my eyes open and my mouth shut."   Sadly Jim and Martin don't, and consequently bang on at some  length here about 1967's chilling Troughton tale, The Tomb of the Cybermen.   It's a four-episode epic involving awful accents, anxious archaeologists and cute and convenient handbag-size hit-mice.   Gasp as Victoria falls asleep, Jamie falls into a trance and the Doctor nearly falls from grace as he plays impromptu puppet master - handy really as there's a Toberman on strings and an under-stuffed, self-decapitating metal manikin to contend with.   Our doughty podcasters also find time to reveal the bowel-churning origin of the Cybermats, for whom a damn good flushing is too good.   But don't worry - just sit back, tune in and let Jim and Martin eliminate fear from your brain...

"He's not the Great One. He's the Insignificant One. If you're going to have someone imitate Kroll, it ought to be more convincing." 

Yes, it's everyone's worst Christmas nightmare – an enormous Brussels Sprout with its accompanying surfeit of methane. Only this time it's a giant squid god who menaces a model, gives a Time Lord a tentacular tourniquet and reminds some Swampies that it really isn't easy being green. 

Romana goes off seafood, the Doctor loves the sound of breaking glass and Thawn hates just about anyone who isn't Thawn. 

Green crevices, bushy gates and the imminent threat of dangly-bit exposure must have kept Mary Whitehouse on full alert but did The Power of Kroll float Jim and Martin's canoes? 

Find out here.

"I had to do what I did. It was my moral duty. You do understand, don't you?"

Naughty General Carrington tries to justify his nefarious programme of kidnap, murder and the pursuit of pregnant women in the 1970 astronaut caper, The Ambassadors of Death.

Jim and Martin discuss displaced Frenchie faces, play spot the unborn head and debate the nutritional value of an isotope breakfast.

Who is the coolest guest character? Can UNIT sentries really come back from the dead? And which dried-fruit-in-a-prophylactic does Jon Pertwee resemble most?

The answers to all these questions can only be found here (well, the last one at least... maybe).

What could be more fun at Christmas than a Punch and Judy show?

Almost anything, of course, but perhaps even puppety domestic violence is preferable to mental subservience to an ancient evil.

This is the lot of tetchy Tegan, who's red in tooth and eye again, but at least she gets to spread the hate with an embryonic Doc Martin this time around.

Nyssa cosplays a deckchair and the Doctor indulges in some heavy breathing, while Mr Sladen is forced to reflect on the viability of his shoddy little booth. Lon's special dress is even shorter than his temper but not as skimpy as his mum's interest in Ambril's antiques.

But did Jim and Martin find Snakedance becoming or did they conclude that that's not the way to do it?

Listen to find out!

The lads also review the audiobooks of The Mark of the Rani and The Pyramids of Mars.

Also available on Spotify.

Jim's brother, Rob, trails the forthcoming Ambassadors of Death episode of the Krynoid Podcast. Creating the trailer before Jim and Martin even had their discussion, he makes some rather uncanny predictions...

 

"Take them to the Security Kitchen!"

 

Perhaps the Universe's only combined containment and mass catering facility can be found on The Ark, the location of the 1966 Hartnell space opera of the same name.

 

Jim and Martin walk its corridors to find humans in their underwear and the Fab Four (along with the Groovy One, the Trendy Two and the Gear Three), all suffering horrendously bad hair days.

 

The Doctor gets an invisible friend, Steven fails to notice a potential girlfriend and Dodo is unlikely to make any new friends, bearing as she does a vile infection and a variable accent.

 

Is the future of Mankind in safe hands or should the weirdly affable Boris Karloff and the Richard III wannabe keep one eye on the Monoids? Find out here...

 

 

 

"Do you think bullets could stop me now? You stinking offal Morgus! Look at me!!"

So says a man in a gimp suit deep in the blowholes of Androzani Minor. Yes, Jim and Martin take a look at Peter Davison's last hurrah and finest hour as he goes through hell to save Peri in the 1984 classic The Caves of Androzani.

There's soldiers, gunrunners, androids, a rubbish monster, a revenge-seeking hairy-handed, Peri-infatuated madman and an evil and ruthless bag of slime. Can the Doctor weave his way through them all and save Peri? Only just...

Is it as good as its reputation suggests? Listen in and find out.

"Harry Sullivan is an imbecile!"

Harsh words perhaps but the salty surgeon did nearly kill the Doctor… twice.

Yes, it's the 1975 space opera, Revenge of the Cybermen, in which our intrepid TARDIS team battle a slimy U-Boat commander, an emotional silver giant and a horde of mad blinged-up old women.

The Doctor's narcoleptic, Harry's apoplectic and Sarah may well go septic so take the slow train with Jim and Martin and see whether all that glitters is gold.

"Oh shame!"

Just Brigadier Winifred Bambera's catchphrase or also a two-word review of the 1989 Sylvester McCoy story, Battlefield?

You decide as Jim and Martin sit huddled in No Man's Land while iffy dialogue, dodgy acting and poor special effects zing past their tortured eyes and ears, only finding solace in their most puerile running gag yet.

They ponder weighty issues such as the merits of film over video, the mysteries of chemistry, McCoy's anger mismanagement and the messier side of the Brig's descent into senility.

They say all is fair in love and war but is the KP review fair? Listen and decide...

"I always find that violent exercise makes me hungry. Don't you agree?"

Yes, Gallifrey's very own silver-haired and rather wrinkly James Bond is at it again in 1972's salty six-part saga, The Sea Devils.

Jim and Martin marvel as the Doctor frolics above, on and below the sea, Jo fights, frets and flies a hovercraft and the Master shows off most of his wardrobe (string vests strangely absent).

Mr Creosote rolls in from Whitehall and eats everything in his path, Trenchard bores the hind legs off a donkey and Cap'n Hart offs an alarming amount of amphibians.

All that with copious sandwiches thrown in. Who could ask for more from Who? 

"Fail me and you will breakfast on burning coals!"

Count Federico introduces Renaissance Italy's hot new diet sensation in the 1976 pseudo-historical epic, The Masque of Mandragora.

The fourth Doctor and Sarah wander round The Village watching look-unlikes fighting and mounting horses, while avoiding executioner's swords, sacrificial knives and cockernee pikemen's pikes.

Gert and Daisy get chained up, the Doctor and Sarah get dressed up and Pat Gorman and Stuart Fell get messed up by the Mandragoran Helix while the light shines out of Hieronymous's eye-holes.

And Dr Phill drops by to give us his expert opinion on the music - made and found - for this one.

Get Jim and Martin's verdict on this 15th Century sword and sorcery spectacular now!

 

They say "when in Rome, do as the Romans do".

But Barbara wants no part of what Nero wants to do and Ian has had a belly full of orders from the expansionist Italians. The Doctor and Vicki, meanwhile, have a great time lying about lyres and nearly poisoning a despot but it's no surprise when it all goes up in flames.

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

The Doctor and Romana find themselves slumming it in a pocket-sized parallel universe.

Worse still, they land on the home world of - loathe him or hate him - that Alzarian irritant, Adric. Chuck in a few indecisive Deciders, some evolving arachnids and a bunch of amphibian Gumbies, and it's another trying jaunt for our two intrepid Time Lords.

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

The Doctor is still on trial with the Time Lords and this is his dubious evidence for the defence.

Finding himself in a garden centre canteen in space with an unintroduced companion, the Doctor meets an old acquaintance, an elderly Avenger and some arboreal enemies.

Warning: this episode ends with two over-refreshed old farts moaning (at some length).

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

When is a talkative chair not a talkative chair?

When it's an alien shower curtain. Or a stumpy git in a pith helmet.

But, underwhelming as they are, the Vardans still plan an Invasion of Time by conquering pound-shop Gallifrey – a land of medicinal jelly beans, powerful ping pong balls and walnut-chomping dropouts.

Its denizens include Chancellor Borusa who's more put-upon than Tom Baker's beer mat and Castellan Kelner who's slimier than a newly-painted Myrka. And, of course, a prototype Romana who's qualified to wield a screwdriver but can't hack it in the university of life, even with a bumper pack of Giant Smarties at her side.

The Doctor shouts, K9 snarks and Leela shacks up with an innocent bystander, while the surprise Sontarans stomp about, searching in vain for a jellied eels stall.

But did Jim and Martin find the story an all-conquering triumph or was it just an unwelcome invasion of their time?

Listen to find out.

The lads also review the audiobooks of The Doomsday Weapon and The Edge of Destruction.

Also available on Spotify.

The Doctor takes Tegan back to see some of her history with the usual unwelcome results.

Is King John quite himself? Why is he so keen on meeting Demons? And, more to the point, why does he employ a barely disguised renegade Time Lord with an outrageous accent?

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

The Doctor saves Jo Grant from a date with Mike Yates but at what cost?

The intrepid pair find themselves in a medieval mise en scene and encounter several forms of green galactico, including Ice Warriors, Arcturus and phallic fraidy cat, Alpha Centauri. But who is the real villain?

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).

The Doctor and K9 have a Time Lady forced upon them and are sent on a quest for some lumps of perspex.

They find the first on a parky planet but, before they can get their hands on it, they have to contend with a couple of conmen, a whack job warlord, a rubbery reptile and a mad old dear with antlers.

This episode can also be found at iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audible and all other podcatchers (as far as we know).