Knowledge For Men Archives – Details, episodes & analysis

Jay Coughlan has been a CEO, a national keynote speaker, and a mentor to aspiring business leaders. He is also a convicted felon, and has spent time in prison. During this dark part of his life, he began developing a framework for dealing with the troubles that life inevitably brings.

Jay uses lessons gleaned from his own missteps to help change the paths of individuals and organizations. He has captured the energy from his true passion and combined it with his experience as a chief executive, creating TruBalanced™: Building Better Business Leaders.

"Don't pray for easier lives, pray to be stronger men." ~John F. Kennedy

1. Clarity is the Key to All Success

All success, whether it is in business, relationships, or health comes from clarity.

Imagine that we could rewind to the beginning of the new year and examine two different men.

One of them sets his new year's resolutions with a simple statement "Get healthy".

The other, clearly writes out his goals for his health, stating "I will go to the gym at least twice a week, working through a comprehensive weight lifting program with the goal of losing 10 lbs. of fat and adding 50 lbs. to all of my major lifts"

Which one do you think will be successful?

You see, without a clear roadmap for who we are and what we want to achieve, we will never find true success.

You must know exactly what you want, when you want it, and why you want it.

Without this clarity, you will find yourself wandering aimlessly for years, or even decades of your life and looking back, wishing that you'd had more direction.  

2. Real Change is Predicated on Accountability

Anytime we set out to make real changes in our lives, whether it is overcoming an addiction, repairing a marriage, starting a business, or achieving our dream body, we need accountability.

Whenever you "go it alone" you are the only person who you can disappoint.

If you miss a workout, spend too much money on going out, or relapse into old habits of drugs, alcohol, and porn, then you are the only person there to catch you when you fall.

However, when you build a structure of accountability into your life and have other men who are willing to show up around you and hold you to a higher standard and help you up when you fall.

When you have men who you are accountable to, you have a support system that will not allow you to fail, a support system that will call you on your crap, and encourage you whenever you are doing it right.

No man is an island and the only true way to succeed is with a team of like-minded individuals around you.

3. Failure is Not an Option… It's a Given 

So often, you hear the phrase "Success is my only option, failure is not."

As nice as that sentiment is, it is also wildly inaccurate.

Not only is failure an option, it is a given!

There is no way that you will succeed without failing on some level, it is simply a part of life.

But what defines a man and the legacy that he creates is not his failures, what defines a man is the way that he responds to failures.

Are you going to lie down and allow life to kick the motivation, joy, and passion out of you?

Or are you going to get up, look failure in the eyes, smile, and be grateful for the lessons that failure has taught you?

4. Life is a Marathon

All too often, men, and especially young men, feel the need to go, go go, pushing 60, 80, or even 100 hour weeks.

They work themselves bare to the bone, keeping their nose to the grindstone trying to "sprint" their way to success.

But you need to remember, life is a marathon.

You cannot just "sprint" your way to a balanced and fulfilling life.

A life of joy and happiness comes from years of doing the small things with excellence over and over and over again.

Working yourself into oblivion is your gateway to an early grave.

Pacing yourself and prioritizing the people and relationships in your life, on the other hand, is your gateway to success and fulfillment.

5. Remember 168

One of the only things in life that is truly fair is time.

Every single person has the same 168 hours in a week.

Bill Gates, Oprah, Elon Musk, all of these people have the same 168 hours in a week as you and me, the only difference is what they are doing with them.

Remember that each week you are given a gift, you are given 168 hours of precious time that you will never get back.

What are you going to do with those hours?

Are you going to invest them wisely ot build a legacy and create a life of love and joy?

Or are you going to squander them on television, video games, porn, and other traps?

The choice is yours.

Jeremy Cage's life mission is to help unleash the full potential of as many businesses and as many people as he possibly can. His business experience spans three decades of delivering strong, profitable business growth for Procter & Gamble, Schering-Plough Healthcare, PepsiCo, The Lighting Science Group, and his own firm, The Cage Group.

He is a truly global citizen, having lived and worked in Germany, France, Belgium, Sweden, the United Kingdom, Venezuela, Brazil, Mexico, and the United States. He is also the author of All Dreams on Deck.

"Most of us will die full of potential because we dream vaguely and dread specifically"

1. Dream Specifically and Dread Vaguely 

In our day to day lives, we get caught up in a trap of dreaming vaguely and dreading specifically.

We know that we want to travel the world, quit our jobs, start a company, and find the love of our lives.

But…

If we travel the world, we run the risk of getting kidnapped by a nefarious terrorist group that will hold us in a cave inside of the mountains and keep us until someone pays our ransom of $5,000,000 or we die from malnutrition.

If we quit our jobs, we will lose exactly $7,500 a month in income, run the risk of never financially recovering, burn every bridge in the world, and …

The list goes on and on and on.

The reality is that we should be dreaming specifically and dreading vaguely.

The worst that can happen is rarely that bad, and if you get specific, you have an unlimited potential to achieve all of your dreams.

2. Climb the Ladder of Intention

Most of us have dreams, but we are not intentional about them.

We have these ideas in our head about things that would be "nice" to do.

We think that it would be "nice" to achieve the body of our dreams, have a passionate and loving marriage, earn 6 or 7-figures, backpack across Europe, go skydiving in New Zealand, or finally start up that line of awesome gym wear.

But we don't act.

We don't set the intention.

If you want to achieve your dreams, then you must start by climbing up the ladder of intentionality.

The first rung of the ladder, where most of us reside, is the rung of thought.

We think about what we would like, but we leave it at that. We relegate our dreams to the plain of our imagination and never move on from there.

Moving up the ladder, we then come to the rung of writing. This is where we take the first step in moving our dreams forward by writing them down with clear parameters and a specific deadline.

This can be as simple as writing down our goals in a journal or creating a comprehensive plan with step by step actions that we are going to take.

Then, once we have leveled up our intentions and written our dreams down, the third step is to actually state our dreams to the world.

Whether you tell your wife about your new intention of showing up as the best husband ever (and tangible steps you are going to take to achieve that goal) or make a statement on social media about when and why you will quit your job, this step makes your dreams more visceral.

You now have other people holding you accountable and expecting greatness from you.

It's harder to back down on your dreams when your whole social circle is there holding you accountable for the intention that you set.

The final level of intention is to actually take action.

To leave the "what if's" and "I cant's" behind and to actually start making moves towards achieving what you want.

If you are serious about living your dream life, then you need to start by climbing the ladder of intention.

Imagine your goals in your mind, write them on paper, tell loved ones about your plans, and then take massive action to achieve it!

3. Create Dreams for Each of Your Grab Bags

Each of us has our own personal "grab bags" or areas of life that we hold dear.

For some of us its adventure for others its stability.

For some of us its intimacy and for others its excitement.

No matter what your personal grab bags are, you need to create and clearly articulate your dreams for each.

Is health a grab bag for you?

Then define your dream. Write out and climb the ladder of intention with your health, declare what you want your body to look and feel like and then go out and take the action necessary to make it happen.

Is your relationship with your wife a grab bag?

Then define your dreams for your relationship. How many times do you go out for dates? How do you treat her and speak to her? How do you show up as the passionate and loving man you have the potential to be?

If you want to die empty and truly live a 10/10 life, then you need to determine what is important to you and define your dreams for each area of your life.

Best-selling author and Personal Empowerment Coach Paul Colaianni is the host of the top-rated personal growth and development podcast called The Overwhelmed Brain.

Having gone through a dysfunctional upbringing, many failed relationships, and several life-changing events including a breakdown in the desert a thousand miles from home, Paul started a journey of healing and growth that led him to where he is today: teaching others how to make the right decisions that lead to self-empowerment.

"The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision"

1. Learn to Master the Art of Decisive Action 

I want you to imagine that you are in an emergency situation.

You are in the middle of a big city with your girlfriend when all of the sudden, you feel the ground start to shake and stand back in horror as 30 story buildings collapse all around you.

What are you going to do?

You are really only left with two options, take action and get to safety, or stay frozen where you are in fear.

With the adrenaline coursing through your veins and your life on the line, I have little doubt that you would immediately grab your woman and pull her away from the carnage.

However, whenever we are faced with situations that are not life or death, I often find that men simply sit back and atrophy, allowing their fear to lead to inaction.

If you are familiar with Winston Churchill will remember his famous quote, "The best thing you can do is the right thing, the second best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."

You need to remember in your everyday life that the absolute worst thing you can do is nothing.

If you want to be healthy, the best thing you can do is to find the right program and follow it, the next best thing is to find a subpar program and follow it, the worst thing you can do is to not follow any program out of fear of failure.

If you see a beautiful woman, the best thing you can do is to approach her, introduce yourself, and charm her socks off. The next best thing is that you approach her, introduce yourself, get rejected, and learn. The worst thin is that you can do nothing.

No matter what the situation is, be decisive and take some action.

Because at the end of the day, you can still achieve your goals with blind base hits, but you will never achieve anything if you allow indecisiveness to lead to inaction.

2. Break Down Your Fears Until You Figure Out the Truth 

What are you scared of?

No really?

What keeps you up at night? What makes your skin crawl? What topic do you avoid at all costs? What thoughts slip into your head when no one else is watching?

Is it failure? Loss of love? Loss of a loved one? Ridicule? Embarrassment?

Now tell me… why is that so bad?

This question is not posed to belittle your fears but rather to make your think.

For example, let's say that you are scared of quitting your job to start your own online business.

Well, what are you scared of? That you will fail and you won't have any money?

Why is that scary? Because you won't be able to eat and you will go homeless?

Why is that scary? Because you are going to die?

The more you dig into these fears, the more you realize that they are almost entirely unfounded.

Even if you failed at your business, odds are you would find a way to make ends meet.

If you didn't then you would probably have friends or family who could help you.

If you didn't have even that, the odds of you dying from homelessness are pretty slim.

You need to realize that the worst thing that can happen typically is not that bad, and the fears that are holding you back from success are almost always false.

3. Be Single Instead of Settling

We all have a mental image of the kind of woman that we want in our life.

And I am not just talking about what she looks like and how great the sex is either.

I am referring to the kind of woman who makes us better, who we want to be with every day, who loves us and is loved in return.

The kind of woman that gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see her, who you could spend hours wrapped up in her eyes, who challenges you to be a better man, and helps you to see the good in yourself and others, even when you don't want to.

These kinds of women exist.

So why is it that most of us are stuck in relationships that don't even come close to resembling this?

Why is it that most of us are with women who we merely tolerate?

If you want to have truly satisfying relationships, then you need to realize that you cannot settle.

You need to know what you want in a woman, what is non-negotiable for you, and then do not rest until you find the woman you are looking for.

Because quite frankly, a life spent "alone" is better than a life spent in relationships with someone who does nothing but bring you down.

Frank Miniter is an author and investigative journalist with a penchant for outdoor adventure. He has floated the Amazon, run with the bulls of Pamplona, hunted everything from bear in Russia to elk with the Apache to kudu in the Kalahari and has fly-fished everywhere from Alaska's Kenai to Scotland's River Spey to Japan's freestone streams. Along the

Along the way, he was taught to box by Floyd Patterson, spelunked into Pompey's Cave, climbed the Gunks, and graduated from the oldest private military college (Norwich University) in the U.S. He was a Senior Editor at Outdoor Life magazine and was the Executive Editor of American Hunter magazine.

He is also the author of This Will Make a Man of You and The Ultimate Man's Survival Guide. 

"I like a man who grins when he fights" ~Winston Churchill

1. You Need to Stand Up for Yourself

The evolution of society and rapid shift in perceived gender roles has created a world in which manliness and masculinity are concepts that are ambiguous and difficult to explain, at best.

Yet no matter what your beliefs are pertaining to modern masculinity, I think everyone can agree on one simple fact.

You cannot consider yourself a true "man" unless you are willing to stand up for yourself, what you believe, and those you love.

I want you to imagine John Wayne, Steve McQueen, or even a character like Tyler Durden in Fight Club are sat at a table in a bar, surrounded by friends and family.

A stranger from another table comes over and starts insulting one of his family members, bringing up some past feud and looking to cause trouble.

What do you think they would do?

Would they cower in their seat, avert their eyes, and start nervously twitching?

Or would they get out of their seat, square up with the aggressor, look them in the eyes and invite them to leave before they had a real problem?

I think we all know the answer.

Being a real man has nothing to do with loving or looking for violence, but it has everything to do with being willing to take a stand for yourself or the things which you believe.

In the 21st century, it is important to realize that this rarely (if ever) means physical confrontation.

Taking a stand for yourself can be as simple as telling your boss that you need a raise because you have been working harder than anyone else and have measurable results to prove it.

It can mean speaking candidly with your significant other about the way that they have been addressing you in public situations and informing them that their actions are inappropriate.

And yes, occasionally, when all other options are exhausted, it can mean taking the gloves off and throwing a mean right hook when someone truly steps out of line.

Never be afraid to stand up for yourself, your friends, or your values, because at the end of the day it is better to live a short life where you face your fears and live boldly than a long life as a coward.

2. Life is Meant to be Lived in Community 

10,000 years ago on the plains of the Savanna, men lived in communion with one another. They lived together, ate together, hunted together, fought together, and died together.

Town elders would lead the tribe and create rituals and rites of passage for young men to pass through in order to become a man.

The warriors of each tribe relied on each other and trusted the men around them with their lives.

And for hundreds of thousands of years, this is the way that we as a species, and more specifically, we as men, have evolved.

We live in the most socially disconnected time in human history, and despite all of our technological advancements and the rapid growth of social media and other online platforms, the problem is not getting any better.

Men struggle to find meaning and purpose in life, they are lost and confused about who they are and what it means to be a man, they are lonely and afraid and depressed, and it is due, in large part to our lack of community.

We no longer live in tribes.

If we wanted to, there are many among us who could limit our face to face interaction with others to less than once a week when we go out for groceries.

Men no longer go to other men for advice and emotional support.

We no longer have tribe elders who can guide us and mentor us.

With the exception of military servicemen, we no longer have brothers in arms who have struggled through life with us and been there for us through thick and thin.

And we are paying the price.

Men are suffering from depression and suicide at alarming rates and society tells us to simply take another pill or get a new prescription, instead of being told to build a band of brothers.

If you want to succeed in life, if you want to be truly happy and successful, then you need to have a group of men around you who you can trust, you need to have a community of like-minded individuals who will build you up and hold you accountable and who will be there for you when you are on cloud nine and rock bottom.

3. Manhood is Defined by Your Values and Your Code 

Manhood has meant something different to nearly every culture throughout history.

The Vikings version of manhood was markedly different from the Greek's which was markedly different from the Apache's.

But the one thing that all of these ancient cultures had in common is that their ideals of manhood were derived from a code.

Every great "manly" culture built their foundation of masculinity upon an ethos, a way of life, and a code of honor and conduct based on the values of their unique societies.

For some cultures mercy and reason were at the forefront of their code, for others it was power and justice.

The truth of the matter is, there is no one code that will work universally for every man.

We all have different realities, different religious and political beliefs, and different lenses through which we view the world around us.

This means that all of us will function under a different code and live by different values.

And while it is extremely important which values you have and uphold (integrity, honor, service, and generosity should be at the top of your list) it is more important that you uphold a set of values that make you a better man and help you contribute to society in a more meaningful way.

4. You Need to be a Well-Rounded Man 

So often in our modern society, we are quick to judge and label certain activities as unmanly, red neck, or "posh".

Many see hunting and marksmanship as a lower class activity for camouflage wearing, tobacco chewing country boys. or they see dancing as a "gay" and unmanly activity in which no

They see dancing as a "gay" and unmanly activity in which no self-respecting man would participate.

Or they say that horseback riding and poker are activities that are only appropriate for trust fund babies and the super rich.

But you need to remember that an essential part of modern manliness is being able to participate in a wide variety of activities and show yourself to be well-rounded both in your skills and intellect.

You need to become, as the rampaging viral internet memes suggest, "A man who can do both."

You need to be able to be a diplomate and a fighter, to speak well among the scholars of academia and the blue collar workers down at the bar.

You need to be comfortable both in a suit and tie and in camouflaged jacket.

You need to be someone who is able to hold himself in any situation and is unafraid of new things, no matter what stigma is attached to them.

5. Show Respect to Others 

I don't care whether you are living in an incredible community of amazing men, living by a code, and the most well-rounded person in the world, if you are not extending respect and love to the people in your life, then you are not a true man.

Period.

End of story.

No one can call himself a man if they are not respecting the people in their lives, if they are not loving others, and if they are not following the "golden rule."

Respect others and earn the respect of others.

That is where true manliness lies.

As a professional speaker and executive coach, Ryan helps business leaders and entrepreneurs build high performing teams, break through plateaus and realize their true potential. Ryan worked for fifteen years as a senior sales leader for three Fortune 100 Tech Companies, including Apple and Dell, and has worked in California, Australia, the UK, and Ireland At time of writing, Ryan is studying for his Masters Degree (MSc.) in Personal & Business Coaching at University College Cork, Ireland.

Ryan is also an Accredited Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and in 2015 was nominated as a finalist in the ICF Ireland Coach of the Year awards. He recently authored the book Shifting Gears: How to Harness Your Drive to Reach Your Potential and Accelerate Your Success.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts" ~Winston Churchill

1. You Need to Set Ground Rules to Achieve Fulfillment

Let me set the stage for you.

It's 9 a.m. on a Monday morning, groggy from a long weekend with family, you roll up to your office, barely slipping through the front doors on time.

When you arrive at your desk, your boss walks over a scowl lacing his face and tells you that he needs to see you in his office immediately. You begin sweating as you quietly creep through his door, hoping that you are in his good graces.

He sits you down and quickly informs you that you have been promoted two ranks above where you currently are and have earned over a 15% annual pay raise.

Sitting back in stunned silence you don't know what to say, and you mumble out a thank you, walking back to your desk on cloud nine.

Act II.

Over a year has passed since that fateful promotion, and since then, you have been promoted 3 more times in twelve months, earning a salary you never thought possible and absolutely crushing every aspect of work.

But you are also working 80 hours a week, your marriage is on the verge of collapse, you have gained 20 lbs. from late night take-out and an over worked lifestyle.

Your friends no longer see you and your family wonders what has happened to you.

All in all, you have achieved "success" but you are absolutely miserable.

You see, before you set out to achieve anything, you need to set some ground rules and have a clear definition of what you want to achieve and who you want to be.

You need to know what will fulfill you and make you come alive, not just what will make you the most money.

There is no point in being the richest man in the world without loved ones, friends, and the good health to enjoy it.

2. Let Your Fear be Your Guide

As we all move through life, especially as men, we have heard one resounding axiom repeated to us over and over again, drilled into our heads from birth, and ingrained so deeply in our psyche that it has made an indelible mark on our thoughts and actions.

Don't be afraid. 

But the problem with that statement is that fear is often times one of our most powerful motivators, drivers, and allies.

The man who feels no fear is the man who feels nothing, a sociopath or psychopath who lacks empathy and basic emotional capacity.

Fear is not something that is bad or wrong with you, rather it is simply a part of who we are that has been hard-wired into our brains through millions of years of evolution.

And while the fears that we once had, such as getting eaten by a saber tooth tiger or starving to death in the middle of the jungle are no longer valid, our brains still create that animalistic fear inside of us whenever there is the potential for loss or failure.

Instead of running from that fear,  however, it is essential that you learn to harness it.

Use fear as your guide, learn to master your fear and make it work for you instead of against you.

Approach your fears with a cold rationality until you realize that the worst thing that can typically happen doesn't even shine a candle to the potential benefits.

And above all, remember that what one man can do, another man can do. If it has been done before, it can be done again.

3. Risk Leads to Growth and Excitement

Do you remember the last time that you did something scary?

I mean really scary.

Like quitting your job, starting a business, asking your significant other to marry you, jumping out of a plane, or selling everything and travelling the world.

Depending on how you answer that question, I can typically guess (with surprising accuracy) your level of excitement and fulfillment.

Because here's the thing, whenever you walk up to your boss and hand in your notice, send in the payment for that LLC., step onto that airplane, or bend down on one knee hoping that she will say "I do", you are injecting a dose of excitement and meaning into your life.

Most of us are so caught up in the dull monotonous drudgery of everyday life that we have become disengaged and disenchanted with our own existence.

However, if you want to step into your "level 10" life and truly achieve a sense of fulfillment and peace that you have never had before, then you need to start taking risks.

And here's the coolest part.

Risk looks different for everyone.

For some people, simply firing an annoying client is all the risk and excitement that they need, for others, unless they put their lives on the line on a regular basis (big wave surfers anyone?) they are unsatisfied and miserable.

Gauge your own risk tolerance and then make a point to start taking intentional risks every week.

You will live a life that is filled with more excitement and fulfillment the more you take intentional risks.

Internationally renowned human emotion, connection, and cognition expert Tony Selimi is a coach and the author of #Loneliness and A Path to Wisdom. He is currently traveling the world, sharing his message of transformation and connection.

"I embrace equally both support and challenge" ~Dr. John DeMartini

1. You Must Embrace Both Sides of Life 

Life is not comprised of just the good or just the bad.

It is a beautiful dichotomous dance that blends together both exuberant highs and devastating lows meant to mold us, change us, and teach us.

While modern pop psychology gurus would have you believe that you should ignore any pain and struggle in your life and simply live in a state of constant and never ending euphoria, the simple truth is that life is beautiful because of the pain and struggles that we face.

Without the pain of discipline, there would be no joy in success.

Without the hurt of loss, there would be no satisfaction in gain.

Life requires the good and the bad to play out like the masterfully written movie that it is, and the sooner you learn to embrace both sides of life, the sooner you will be able to live up to your true potential.

2. Loneliness Affects Every Area of Your Life

Often times, as men, we revel in the concept of solidarity.

We love the thought of being the lone wolf, outnumbered and against the world achieving greatness all by his own accord.

And nothing could be more damaging or destructive to our overall health and well-being.

Whenever you live your life out of communion with others, whenever you lack strong bonds and friendships, and whenever you isolate yourself from the world, you are not only damaging your psyche, but your physical well-being and genetic expression as well.

Loneliness has been shown to cause disease, mental illness, and even alter your genes in a very real and powerful way.

There is nothing manly about depression and sickness, so quit trying to go it alone and invest into your social life.

3. Place Yourself in the Right Environments

An interesting phenomenon that can occur in our modern world is that men can be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely if the activities and conversations with those friends are incongruent with your personal values and desires.

For example, let's say that you hate sports.

You couldn't care less about the NFL or NHL or any other sports league.

And yet, one of your social circle's favorite activities is to sit down together at the local bar, have a few beers, and watch the game.

Even though all of the men in the circle are fantastic influences and valuable friends, taking part in this activity will actually increase your feelings of isolation and loneliness.

This makes it essential that you start becoming more intentional about the activities you indulge in and the things that you do with your peers.

Dr. Corey Lewis is the author of The Art of Becoming, a professional coach, and a master of NLP and quantum leaping.

"We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are"  ~Max Dupree

1. If You to Achieve Something You Must First Conceive it and Believe It

I want you to imagine for a moment that there are three men, let's call them James, Alex, and Will.

All three men suffered through challenging childhoods and crippling adversity during their younger years, from poverty to the death of family members, to abusive parents.

They have all seen the worst that this world has to offer and lived through a reality where most men wouldn't last a day.

Now James, the first of the men doesn't know how he could possibly improve his life, he assumes that this is "just the way it is" and relegates all of his hopes and dreams to childhood fantasies.

Alex, on the other hand, knows that his life could be better.

He constantly finds himself daydreaming of a better life, one filled with an abundance of wealth, unconditional love, vibrant health, and a deep sense of belonging.

However, Alex doesn't believe that this can be a reality for him.

After all, he is a former convict, drug addict, and grew up in one of the worst families you can imagine. How could he change?

Now, I don't think it takes a genius to figure out the results that these two men are going to generate in their lives with these types of convictions and beliefs.

But what about Will?

Will is in the same boat as everyone else.

He went to prison in his late teens, never had a father, and is currently broke, alone, and addicted to drugs, but he's different.

Not only does he know that life can get better for him, he deeply believes that he has what it takes to make it so, he believes that he can change his life, turn things around, and achieve the success he has been dying for his whole life.

You see, the only limits on your life are the ones that you impose upon yourself.

If you can conceive a new way of being, deeply believe that it is possible, and are willing to take the action necessary to do it, you will succeed.

2. Tapping Into Your Emotions Creates the Motion You Need for Success

How many times have you woken up in the morning, intending to get out of bed early and go "seize the day" but found yourself instead rolling over lazily and smashing the snooze button?

How many times have you sat down at your computer intent on working hard and grinding away at your latest project, when three hours later, you find yourself deeply lost in the trap of the internet, throwing your day down the drain?

How many times have you come home after a long day of work intending to hit the gym and work on your health only to find yourself sitting in front of the television on a guilty Netflix binge?

My guess is a lot.

You see the problem isn't that you are lazy or lack work ethic, the problem is that you lack the emotional drive to create the motion you need to achieve success.

You need to have a burning reason to pursue your dreams, you need to have clear goals, and you need to learn how to tap into the power of your emotions to go after the life that you want.

3. Your Thoughts are the Father of Your Results

If you have anything in your life that you are unhappy with, you need to remember that the root of these results did not start in your bank account, in your relationship, or in your body, but these results started in your mind.

When you look at your bank account and don't like what you see, you need to remember that these results were caused by your thoughts.

They were caused by your beliefs, your decisions, and your values that were then projected into your reality.

This truth can be seen in any area of your life.

No matter what results you have or don't have in your life, your thoughts are the cause behind all of them.

And if you can change your thoughts, then you can change your actions, change your actions and you can change your results, and if you can change your results you change your life.

4. Break Down Your Dreams into Achievable Steps

Become a millionaire. 

Meet the girl of your dreams. 

Lose 100 lbs. 

All of these goals are incredible in size and scope and are a scary whenever you look at them without first thinking about how you can break them down into achievable steps.

If you want to become a millionaire, then start by working on earning your first $1,000 a month and build up from there.

If you want to meet the woman of your dreams, then start getting out once a week and meeting awesome women at cool social events.

If you want to lose 100 lbs. then start with 5.

Whatever goal you have, it can be broken down into several smaller steps that will allow you to approach your dreams without feeling overwhelmed or scared.

5. Escape Your Plateaus and Find the Next Level 

Life is full of unlimited possibilities and opportunities just waiting for you to show up and take them.

But first, you have to break through your plateaus and realize that you can be living life on an elevated level.

No matter how incredible your life is right now, there is always room to grow, there are always new mountains to be conquered, and there are always new ways to push yourself to become a better man.

Connor Beaton is a thought leader in the men's community who founded ManTalks, has spoken at events around the nation, including TEDx.

"Aim for fulfillment and success will follow"

1. Stop Chasing the Golden Handcuffs

In most modern western societies, there is one great expectation placed upon all men.

Can you guess what it is?

It's not to get married and have kids.

It's not to find a career that they love and find spiritually fulfilling.

Rather, all men are expected to earn. 

And not just to earn a living so that they can pursue a life of their choosing, they are expected to earn as much money as they can regardless of the cost.

And while there is nothing wrong with money, most men who pursue those greenbacks with a single-minded intensity soon find themselves financially wealthy, but spiritually, emotionally, and relationally broke.

You need to realize that money is great.

It can enable you to do so much good in the world and make a difference in the lives of countless people.

But it can also become a prison.

Men who chase after careers they dislike in order to achieve a financial status that they don't really need will often find themselves sitting at home alone, millions in the bank but utterly, and completely miserable.

You see, the real secret to life is to chase fulfillment.

Chase what makes you feel alive, chase what you love, and the money will come.

And even if it doesn't, you still had a helluva ride and enjoyed life to the fullest.

2. Allow Yourself to Experience Your Success

How many times has this happened to you?

You have spent hundreds of hours working yourself down to the bone to achieve your goals.

You haven't slept in days, you haven't allowed yourself to go out with friends in months, and you are on the verge of mental collapse, when finally, you reach your goal.

Whether you hit an income goal, increase your subscriber base, or finally got your first client, you have finally achieved the thing that you had been pursuing for so long.

But there's a problem.

You don't allow yourself to acknowledge your victory and enjoy the rewards of your labor.

Instead, you are off to the next goal, the next milestone, the next big thing before you even pause and appreciate what you already have.

One of the most essential parts of success is taking the time to fully experience each of your accomplishments.

No matter what you have achieved, you need to give yourself adequate time to bask in the glow and enjoy the successes you have already reached before you start chasing after the next big thing.

3. You Need to Have Men Who Call You Forward

When was the last time you messed up?

I mean really messed up?

You know, the time that you made the mistake that ended your relationship, that lost you 6-figures in business, or that cost you a trip to the hospital.

Who did you call?

Undoubtedly, you had friends who came to the rescue and told you everything would be alright, but did you have anyone in your life who cut through the crap of the situation and was willing to call you to a higher standard?

Most men have lots of friends on their level and below them, but few of those men have high-level mentors who are willing to call them on their B.S. and tell them when they have messed up.

But you need to realize that the only way forward is to surround yourself with men who are willing to challenge you to achieve at a new level, men who are willing to call you out, and men who are willing to brave your disapproval in an attempt to make you better.

4. If You Want to Achieve Your Goals You Have to Eliminate Porn

Porn is one of the most insidious creations of the modern age.

How many nights have you spent alone in your room, ignoring the real issues and tasks in your life while you were silently kept company by dozens, if not hundreds of virtual women?

How many times have you suppressed the frustrations that you were facing with real women by resorting to a form of "entertainment" where you have unlimited access to any type of woman on the planet, who will do anything that you want, all from the comfort of your own bed?

How many men do you know who lack the passion and drive that they should have because they are wasting all of their energy "experiencing" women online?

The simple fact is this, if you want to achieve the greatest levels of success in your business, your health, and your relationships, then you have to cut out the porn.

There are no questions about it.

It is draining you of your masculinity, of your sex drive, and of your energy to get shi!t done.

Eliminate it from your life as quickly and permanently as you can.

5. Reinvest in Your Creative Side 

One of the great travesties of the modern male is that we have all become so caught up with becoming successful in our health, finances, and relationships, that we have completely abandoned all of our creative energies that fulfill us and reinvigorate other aspects of our lives.

If you are feeling lost in your life, if you are feeling unsure of where to go, or if you are simply lacking the motivation that you need to begin pushing the envelope forward in a given area, then you need to reinvest in your creative side.

Whether you take up an instrument, begin writing, dancing, woodworking, or anything else that engages your mind in a new and exciting way, I can guarantee that you will begin to see the world in a new light.

Have you ever noticed how musicians appreciate and describe music (and even the world) in a way that non musicians simply cannot.

Have you ever noticed how writers are able to captivate their audience's at social gatherings with riveting stories?

Have you ever noticed how men who have learned how to dance are often some of the most creative and enthusiastic partners that a woman will ever experience?

This is not a coincedence.

Engaging in your creative energy will change your life in unexpected and exciting ways.

So whether you are killing it in life right now or are in an existential funk, get out there and get creative.

Justin Constantine is a former Marine who suffered a traumatic gunshot wound to the head in Iraq and retired from the Marine Corps at the rank of lieutenant colonel. He also serves as an attorney and is now an inspirational speaker and leadership consultant who advises the corporate community on military issues and sustaining employee peak performance.

He now serves on the board of directors of several national nonprofit organizations who co-founded the Veteran Success Resource Group in 2015, a military nonprofit that provides full spectrum resources for veterans and their families. He is also a senior advisor at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation, where he leads a team focused on employment opportunities for wounded veterans and their caregivers.

"This is a wonderful day, I have never seen this one before" ~Maya Angelou

1. We All Face Our Own Adversity 

I want you to imagine for a second that your whole world is crumbling down.

You wake up bleary eyed from a fitful night of sleep and check your phone to only to be met with two voice messages informing you that you have one week to pay your mortgage before your home will be foreclosed and the bonus you were expecting has been cut in half due to a recent drop in your company's stock.

Furthermore, as you rest your head in your hands wondering what you are going to do, your wife, whom you are on the verge of divorcing, enters the room and begins to argue with you about trivialities you don't understand until you are so frustrated that you storm out of the house, slamming the door behind you.

You decide to skip work for the day and instead drive yourself to a local bar where you intend to drown your worries in whiskey because you just can't deal with the stress anymore.

Walking through the doors of the dimly lit bar, you notice that there is another man sitting in the bar by himself, looking sullenly into his drink as he fights back tears.

With hopes of finding a companion to share in your misery, you sit down next to him and begin a conversation only to find out that the man had recently suffered a layoff at work after losing his wife of 15 years to cancer.

Startled by his situation and own perceived weakness, you silently curse yourself for your self-pity and decide to keep your own worries to yourself and order another round.

You see, no matter what adversity you are facing, someone else always has it worse and it's easy to trivialize our own struggles whenever we compare them to the things that others are facing.

But the problem with this mentality is that we fail to realize that comparing away our strugles will not make them dissapear.

Just because you aren't facing disease, death, or bankruptcy does not mean that your pain is not real and that it does not need to be addressed.

Whatever struggle you are facing, there is only one way to eliminate it.

And that is to admit that you are in pain and seek the help that you need to overcome it.

2. You Can Achieve Anything With Time 

The media loves to propagate this myth of the "overnight success."

They love reporting on stories about the 17 year old entrepreneur who achieved IPO and retired before graduating high school with $20 million dollars in the bank.

Or the actress who landed one movie role and suddenly became the face of Hollywood.

Or even the "Biggest Loser" who dropped 150 lbs. of fat and became a model of health and athleticism.

But the thing is, none of these people's success happened overnight.

It happened after years and years of working behind the scenes, after countless sleepless nights toiling away at their craft, and after thousands upon thousands of disciplined mornings brought them the results that they wanted.

You need to remember that no goal you have is out of your reach, it will just take time and it will take sacrifice.

It will require that you give up on the "good" so that you can step into the "great."

It will mean that you miss out on parties and dates and time with friends while you work to build your legacy and achieve your dreams.

Nothing is out of your reach, but you must be patient and you must be diligent if you want to achieve it.

3. It's Ok to Ask for Help

Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike?

Do you remember the feeling of the wind in your hair, the rub of the helmet strap against your chin, the exhilaration in your stomach as you accelerated down the street…

And the sudden halt whenever you suddenly hit an unexpected bump and flew over the handlebars crashing into the ground with a definitive thud.

As you sat on the street, blood oozing from the raspberries on your knees and elbows, you began to cry and if your father was present, he likely responded to your accident with four words "Man up! You're ok!"

As an adult, your father knew that you would be fine, but as a young boy, you felt that your world was caving in around you and the only response that you receive was to suck it up and be a man.

While instances like this may seem relatively benign in the big scheme of things, this mantra of "Man up! You're fine!" is repeated over and over to the men of our society like a record on repeat until we reach a point where, no matter our struggle, we simply bear it and grin, refusing to ask for help because we fear that we will appear weak or vulnerable.

The simple truth, however, is that we all need help.

We all have our inner demons, we all have our struggles, we all have those dark places we don't let anyone see that eat us alive at night.

And the only way to overcome them is to be willing to reach out to others and ask for help

You need the support of others, you especially need a group of men in your life who can be with you through the hard times and help keep you on the right path.

You are not alone, and you don't need to be. Whether you need to join a men's mastermind, hire a coach to talk to, or simply call up an old friend, if you are in pain then get help.

Talk to someone and be real about the struggles in your life, I promise it will be one of the best decisions that you ever make.

4. Forget What You "Should" Be Doing

With the holiday season in full swing, most of you who are going to visit family are going to hear one word more than any other, "Should."

You should get a job and quit trying to build your silly business.

You should find a girlfriend and stop partying.

You should quit spending so much time on silly pursuits like travel and art and just get married and get a job instead.

You should do this.

You should do that.

But the truth is, there is no guidebook for what you should be doing as a man.

No one in society can tell you what is right for you, whether it is entrepreneurship or the 9-5, marriage or the bachelor life, travel or settling down.

Life is a beautiful buffet with countless options and most men feel weighed down with the expectations that society sets that we are supposed to earn a certain amount of money, marry a certain type of person, or live a certain type of life.

5. Define Your Own Version of Success

With New Year's right around the corner, everyone is going to be setting new goals and resolutions for 2017.

And I can tell you without ever meeting the person or knowing a darn thing about them who is most likely to succeed based purely upon what they write down.

You see, most people want to achieve success but they never truly define what success means.

They set vague and ambiguous goals that are uncompelling and uninspiring.

Everyone says that they want to lose weight, make more money, have a more abundant dating life, and achieve more, but what does that really mean?

How much weight do you want to lose?

How much money do you want to make?

Who do you want to be dating and how frequently?

You see, the only way to truly achieve "success" is to have a clear picture of what success means to you.

For some people, success is an easy going 9-5, $10,000 in the bank and a happy family.

Other people would become depressed if they are making less than $10,000,000 a year and travelling 11 months out of the year.

If you want to achieve success, you need to define what it means to you first, and then set out to achieve it second.

Jason Saltzman is a seasoned entrepreneur with a background in sales and marketing. Through his role as CEO of Alley and as a TechStars mentor, he advises hundreds of startups, offering real life practical application and creative marketing advice.  He is also considered a "must know" in the New York City entrepreneurial scene.

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." ~

1. Your Ideas Are Irrelevant to Your Success

Everyone is familiar with the phrase "Billion dollar idea." 

And more than mere familiarity, everyone I know of has actually had one of these billion dollar ideas.

They prance around for a few days or a week telling their friends and family about this new concept they developed that is going to revolutionize the world in some weird way.

Whether it's a microwave that never burns your popcorn, a shirt that you never have to wash, or an actual flying car, everyone has had one of these ideas at some point in their life.

So why the hell are they not all billionaires?

Because ideas are irrelevant to success, execution is the only thing that matters.

A good idea is worth exactly $0 unless it is acted upon, unless it is taken from idea to concept, from concept to prototype, and prototype to product.

You have to realize that this is one of the irrefutable truths of entrepreneurship.

You can have the greatest ideas on the planet, but without a propensity for action and the ability to execute your ideas at lightning fast speeds, you will never succeed.

2. Success Requires Patience

There is an old quote from Tony Robbins that "We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade."

And it's true.

Most people want to completely turn their lives around in a short 12 month period, and while it is definitely possible, it is also highly improbable.

Success takes time, but most people are unwilling to take the time necessary to succeed.

And this seems odd to me.

Because when you think about it, that time will pass whether you are patiently pursuing your dreams or doing something that makes you miserable, the only difference is that one path will result in a lifetime of success and happiness and one will result in misery and malcontent.

Jason spent nearly 15 years as an entrepreneur before he saw the success he wanted.

15 years of late nights, subpar revenue, failed businesses, stress, and frustration.

He could have quit, he could have gone the route of the 9-5, he could have said that it just wasn't worth it.

And what would have happened if he had?

Instead of achieving success a little bit later in life than he would have preferred, he likely never would have achieved success.

His impatience would have lead to failure and he wouldn't be on the show with the knowledge, wisdom, and results that he has today.

3. Entrepreneurship Can Suck 

Have you ever met someone who has actually been to war?

If you have ever had the courage to ask them about their service, you have likely heard them all utter the phrase "It ain't like you see in the movies."

In our modern society, we glamorize war. We show soldiers valiantly defending their country, overcoming unbeatable odds, and heroically facing the enemy.

But the reality of war is much different.

If you have ever spoken with a veteran, they will tell you how war really is.

They don't feel courageous or valiant as they witness their friends dying next to them. They don't feel like heroes as they struggle through wounds and exhaustion to hold back the enemy, and they sure as hell don't feel glamorous as they are crawling through the desert with a broken leg and three bullet wounds, their entire team wiped out by the opposition.

And while entrepreneurship is nowhere close to the same league as war, the parallel is pretty clear.

Everyone glamorizes entrepreneurship.

They glamorize "working for yourself", they glamorize the financial freedom, they glamorize IPO and acquisition, but they leave out the messy details.

Very few people would want to be an entrepreneur if they saw the sleepless nights, the stress, the anxiety, and the struggle that comes with it.

Does it sound glamorous to have to spend three days without food because you have invested all of your income into a new marketing campaign and your invoices don't clear until Friday?

Does it sound like fun to spend 6 months living on your family's couch working 16 hours a day, missing out on all the "fun" your friends are having while you grind away at your business with no tangible results for your effort?

Does it sound like fun to fail time after time after time and somehow have to find the will to keep going despite the ridicule and shame that your family, friends, and society try to project onto you?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are either delusional or masochistic.

You need to realize that entrepreneurship sucks.

Is it worth it once you succeed? Of course!

Is it easy to achieve that success? Hell no!

4. Arrogance Guarantees Failure

How many times have you met that person, whether they were an entrepreneur, corporate drone, or simply an acquaintance who thought that they knew it all?

Despite their lack of results, they still decided that the best path forward was to ignore anybody who disagreed with them, regardless of that person's acumen or skill set.

You know the type, maybe you even are the type.

I am talking about the overweight guy in the gym who gets a tip from a local fitness pro and then ignores it saying, "I know what I am doing! I've watched the YouTube videos"

Or the broke guy who tries to give family financial advice, and then once his rich cousin corrects him on something and suggests an alternative, he lashes out and says "You don't know what you are talking about! Haven't you read anything on Forbes?"

Or even the guy who has maybe had some success with women and goes out to a nightclub with his friend who is practically casanova incarnate, and then after a few rejections, his friend comes over with a model on each arm and makes a recommendation only to get the sharp response "I've got this man, I don't need your help"

You need to realize that nothing will stand between you and success like your own ego.

Arrogance will take you down a one-way street to failure because quite frankly, you don't know it all, you don't even know the half of it.

If you want to succeed then you need to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you who actually have the results you want and then do what they say.

Because if you try and go it alone, you will fail.

5.The Obstacle is the Way 

We have an unfortunate propensity in our modern culture to avoid adversity.

We take the elevator instead of the stairs, we use Tinder instead of approaching women, we stay in the shitty safe job instead of taking the leap into self-employment, and we generally live lives of discontentment because we like to stay comfortable.

But one of life's great truths is that, as Ryan Holiday says, "The obstacle is the way, what is in the way becomes the way"

The very things that are standing in your way are the same things that will lead to your success.

Overcoming your fear of approaching women will turn you into the kind of man who has success with women.

Struggling through a new training program will give you the resilience and grit that you need to build and maintain your ideal body.

Surviving the pain of quitting your job with giving you the emotional fortitude you need to keep going in your new entrepreneurial endeavors.

The obstacle is the way.