Is It My ADHD? – Details, episodes & analysis

Does it need more? I’m guessing we want to keep it vague so it’s more clickbaity? But if you need more, there’s this below: Right up to the age of 37, I wondered: what is wrong with me? Why do I always feel like I am other, I am different, I am an outsider? Considering I am a white, non-disabled, cis-gendered, heterosexual person, this was not an othering shaped by our intolerant society; In every sense of the word, I am privileged. But I am also just plain wrong. I was self-conscious about something nobody could see. I rarely felt safe in my surroundings, and I would only know ‘normal’ by its absence in my head. Of course, in 2021 I got my answer – I have combined type ADHD. But far from being the answer, it just set off a string of new questions for me, and what followed was a lonely time filled with grief, anger and confusion. I had to sit on these questions because, even if I could have afforded it, they weren’t really fit for the psychiatrist’s chair. I desperately wanted to understand something that was still relatively unknown – living as a woman with ADHD was still a mysterious, seemingly under-researched subject.   I’ve loved having the opportunity to explore this condition with you all via the podcast for the past few years. And now there is more – I’ve written a book! AN ACTUAL BOOK! It’s everything I wish I’d known back then when my assessment ended, and even further back than that, what would have helped to read as a teenager who was always wondering what the hell was going on. IS IT MY ADHD, THE BOOK, IS AVAILABLE TO PRE-ORDER TODAY! I wanted to talk a bit about why I wanted to write this book, so this episode delves a little deeper into my story, how I got here and what you can expect from the book. Now, it’s not out until February 2025, but you can pre-order it now, and I’m told the more pre-orders that are made now, the more visible the book will be to customers. So if you’re keen to read it and delve deeper into the stories of myself and an amazing community of other women and non-binary people, now is a great time to order IS IT MY ADHD the book, and it’ll land on your doorstep as soon as it’s published!  Thank you for the huge part you have played in making this book possible simply by listening to the podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationships are bound to be impacted by ADHD, and if you’re living with your partner and they’re therefore privy to your most private moments, it can be a lot. We’ve explored the world of dating, but how does ADHD affect long-term relationships? People with ADHD might be spontaneous, passionate, intuitive, fun and creative, but inevitably other traits might come into play, such as conflict seeking behaviour, impatience, mood swings, irritability, recklessness, overwhelm and rejection sensitive dysphoria. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 20 years, and am very aware of his strengths in supporting me. But what if both partners have ADHD? Does this meeting of shared needs make for a supremely supportive, understanding and balanced partnership? Today, I’m joined by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. A prolific vintage style content creator and YouTuber, Jessica is also a deaf and disabled activist, advocating for LGBTQ+ lives, and is one half of Jessie & Claud, where she and her wife share their experiences as Montessori mothers to their son, Rupert.  In this second instalment of my chat with Jessica, we discuss what it was like growing up at the intersections of undiagnosed ADHD and chronic illness, focusing largely on how the school years went. Jessica talks about her deafness and how this in many ways masked her ADHD. We discuss emotional lability in a relationship, how she and Claudia support one another, and how Claudia helps manage her symptoms.  If you missed part 1, check it out wherever you get your podcasts, to hear about how Jessica met her wife Claudia, about how the dynamic shifts when you have a child, the differences between them and how that can create both balance and tension. We also talk about the challenges of rejection sensitivity. And now back to the chat with Jessica.  Follow me here You can find Jessica on Instagram here. Jessica is also on YouTube.  If you are experiencing any issues with your medication, consult your doctor. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me.  Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here: The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whilst it’s true that many people with ADHD are misdiagnosed with depression, it’s important to remember that depression is one of the most common comorbidities of ADHD. The two can absolutely exist in combination, and there is a lot of conjecture that until we tackle ADHD, depression can’t be properly treated. But as Gemma Styles points out, depression doesn’t just disappear the minute you’ve received an ADHD diagnosis.  Gemma Styles is a writer, the host of the Good Influence Podcast and an ambassador for the charity, MQ Mental Health Research. She is a warm and insightful voice in the spaces of mental health, feminism and sustainability, using her platform to drive awareness and action across a variety of issues. She talks very openly about her own mental health, but only recently received a diagnosis of ADHD after years spent dealing with anxiety and depression. In this episode, we talk about what it’s like to have ADHD and depression, and Gemma shares how her ADHD diagnosis represented a shift in how she experienced depression. We explore helpful accountability, the inability to initiate tasks and how those experiences are common to both depression and ADHD. Gemma describes the shame we carry, how the advocacy of family and friends was a game-changer, and we discuss our shared frustration over how unhelpful the ‘ADHD is a superpower’ model can be.  Listeners can use the code LOOPXISITMYADHD for 15% off You can find Gemma at GemmaStyles.com and on Instagram Her podcast, Good Influence is on all podcast platforms  Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

‘What’s the anxiety and what is ADHD?’ I have spent much of the past two years since I was diagnosed trying to work this out. Am I feeling hyper vigilant? Am I over stimulated? Because before being diagnosed with ADHD I had spent years working hard to try and address my anxiety, sometimes successfully but often to no avail whatsoever. Women in particular are often diagnosed with anxiety when they present with ADHD because there are so many shared symptoms and the clinical picture can look quite similar. But we know the two can also co-exist. So, how can people with ADHD better cope with the additional condition of anxiety without them essentially fuelling one another?  Anna Mathur is a psychotherapist and the author of several books, including Know Your Worth. She is also the host of the Therapy Edit Podcast. Anna is well known for delivering calming and compassionate advice for improving one’s mental health, very much by sharing her own experiences as a working mother and someone who has experienced anxiety. She has just recently received a diagnosis of ADHD, and having spent years teaching us about the power of self-compassion and slowing down, post-diagnosis she’s realised how much those tools play into handling her own ADHD traits.  We discuss how sound sensitivity not only led to our respective diagnoses, but has also explained our aversion to swimming pools and some of the more challenging parenting situations. Anna describes what it’s like to parent a neurodivergent child and come to your own diagnosis via theirs, and as one who’s long worked in the mental health space, how feeling so deeply has actually helped in her work as a psychotherapist. We talk about the intersections of health anxiety, hyper vigilance and ADHD, and how gratifying it can be to finally disregard the judgement of others and unmask. Listeners can use the code LOOPXISITMYADHD for 15% off You can find Anna on Instagram, at AnnaMathur.com and TheTherapy Edit podcast, wherever you get your podcasts from. You can also buy Know Your Worth here.  Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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In this episode we are delving deeper into parenting with ADHD, looking specifically at what happens when your child also has ADHD. I’ll be sharing this chat with Kate Moryousseff.  Back in series 1 I had a really interesting conversation with Dr Pragya Agarwal about parenting with ADHD. I have received more messages about that episode than any other, and I know it’s something that for many of us is proving to be the most challenging aspect of their ADHD experience. It also became clear how many of you not only have ADHD yourselves but are parenting a child or children with ADHD. Often that’s the way adults receive their diagnosis (you can also refer back to our episode with Caroline Hirons on this front!). So I wanted to delve into one woman’s experience of parenting children with ADHD.  Kate Moryoussef is an EFT and lifestyle coach and host of the ADHD Women’s Well-being podcast. She and her then 9 year old child were diagnosed within weeks of each other in 2020.  Kate and I discuss the additional difficulties of supporting a child with ADHD when you have ADHD yourself and some of the challenging situations that arise on a daily basis. She talks about trying to model healthy coping mechanisms so as to equip them to deal with their own struggles, how important it is to break generational cycles with this genetic condition, and how self awareness is key to understanding how to parent a child with ADHD.  Kate shares the situations she finds most triggering, those she avoids altogether and how to find the balance between being the guide you wish you’d had as a child and letting your child find their own path free from your projections.  Kate also reveals how she’s trying to shake the gendered shame she’s long carried as a woman with ADHD and the difficulties of teaching resilience when you don’t feel resilient yourself.  You can join Kate’s ADHD Women's Wellbeing Collective and find her on the following platforms:  Nosy: www.coachingbykate.me.uk Insta: Kate Moryoussef and ADHD Women's Wellbeing Pod Listen: The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast THE EXPERT Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I’ll be exploring the fairly new label of Deficient Emotional Self Regulation - the idea that people with ADHD struggle to moderate emotional responses, and I’m sharing this chat with Azryah Harvey.  Emotional dysregulation is notably absent from the criteria for diagnosing ADHD and yet most experts agree it is one of the most common traits of ADHD.  Emotional regulation is after all a part of executive function, something we famously struggle with. Plus, the parts of the brain affected by ADHD are also heavily involved in our emotions, and when you think about the impulsivity often involved, it’s no wonder people with ADHD often experience mood swings, low frustration tolerance, impatience, being quick to anger, aggression, greater emotional excitability, and difficulties around self soothing and letting go.  It’s worth remembering mood disorders can also be a common comorbidity, and so it’s important to differentiate, but for me, emotional dysregulation has definitely played a huge part in my life.  Azryah Harvey is an anti-racism consultant, SEN teacher, presenter, writer and an ambassador of Takeda’s Staring Back at Me campaign raising awareness of the symptoms of ADHD in women and non binary people. She was diagnosed when she was 30.  She shares how her perception of her ‘emotional profile’ has changed since her diagnosis, how confidence plays a part in shedding the shame and how quitting has become a form of regulation for her.  We discuss our experiences of masking emotions as gender norms dictate, and Azryah describes how the intersections of race play into the way others respond to her emotions.  Azryah also reveals how while why she may have struggled herself, she has huge capacity for helping others regulate within her work, first as a SEN teacher connecting with her pupils, and now within her anti-racism work.  You can find Azryah on the following platforms: https://www.azryahsmindmap.com/ https://twitter.com/_azryah  https://www.instagram.com/_azryah/ THE EXPERT Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grief is another area where we’re often left to question, what is the adhd and what is the grief, or I suppose the neurotypical experience of grief. As we tend to process our emotions more intensely, grief can exacerbate adhd symptoms, but also the behaviours such as social withdrawal. A big loss can also be the tipping point for someone with undiagnosed ADHD, proving to be that extra factor that makes masking untenable. But then presenting as someone who is grieving makes it harder of course to find a clear path to an ADHD diagnosis.  Emily Dean is a radio co-host, host Of the Walking the Dog podcast, and author of ‘EVERYONE DIED, SO I GOT A DOG’, which she wrote after losing her sister and both parents within a three year period. She was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago.  In this episode, Emily shares her experience of grief and we discuss the ways in which ADHD perhaps affected or even steered it. We talk about the intensity of emotions, the self criticism that can add shame to the cocktail of loss and upset, and the part masking plays in grieving with ADHD.  Emily describes the comfort found in her dog, Raymond, and how important the love and support of friends has been in both coping with her grief and living authentically as a woman with ADHD.  Emily also reveals how the next generation of ADHDers has inspired her to be more open about her diagnosis, and the moment that another family stepped in and altered the way she felt grief forever.  You can find Emily on Instagram @emilyrebeccadean, on Frank Skinner’s radio show and on the Walking the Dog podcast, and her book - Everyone Died So I Got a Dog is available on all bookselling platforms.  THE EXPERT Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

** This episode charts the experience of one woman (notably, a scientist) with titration, and is not a substitute for professional guidance or advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes to your dosage. ** When I was diagnosed in 2021, my psychiatrist immediately prescribed meds. I was initially reluctant because I was in denial to be honest, but then after a while I started to wonder - is this the secret to me finally writing another book? Will I finally be more patient and more chill? Will I be less anxious? Unfortunately I’d never find out because when I tried to transfer care to the NHS with my diagnosis, I was told I didn’t qualify. It’s inordinately difficult to get prescribed meds in some trusts - they’re super expensive and if it’s one of the controlled substances, it requires regular monitoring.  Not only is it understandably tricky to get your hands on those elusive meds, but not all meds suit all patients, so it’s a whole process. And one I can’t really talk about beyond that first road block I experienced.  Emma Goulding is a clinical scientist and a photographer. She began her journey with ADHD meds after her diagnosis in 2021.  In this episode, Emma shares how the titration process works, how to establish a shared care deal with the NHS and how she navigated the experience with her doctor.  She describes how it feels to take meds, the highs, the lows, and the side effects she’s experienced on various doses, as well as the ways in which coaching can help support in combination with meds.  Emma also reveals how she eventually found the ‘sweet spot’ of the perfect blend, and whether or not taking meds really is the difference between night and day for someone struggling with their ADHD.  You can find Emma Goulding at:  emmagoulding.com/journal  On Instagram at @emgo.grows and on various platforms available here  THE EXPERT Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I’ll be talking about money with Clare Seal aka My Frugal Year. The way we earn, save and spend is inevitably affected by various ADHD traits. Impulsive spending, executive function issues when it comes to cash admin like tax returns, changing direct debits and filing expenses, forgetting to settle bills, neglecting to return the impulsively purchased haul. And budgets - that’s a struggle, isn’t it? To work out and then to stick to? Not to mention the issues surrounding employment. If you made it out of school with enough to get a steady job, a 2008 study found that Employees with ADHD are 30% more likely to have chronic employment issues, 60% more likely to be fired from a job, and three times more likely to quit a job impulsively. Granted it was most likely based on the usual white male case study, but I for one can vouch for the impulsive quitting.  I can also describe so many incidences when I’ve overpaid, underpaid and forgot to pay, when I’ve been charged for a late payment and when I’ve lost cash. Mostly, it’s just frustrating - a stark fear of money generally stops me from big splurges and I’ve now got umpteen alarms reminding me to keep up with money admin. But still, my relationship with money is less than ideal.  Clare Seal is a financial coach and speaker, and author of Five Steps to Financial Well-being, such a game-changing book in terms of how we frame money. She was diagnosed with ADHD this year.  She and I discuss the financial fall out of our ADHD experiences, particularly the vulnerability to marketing and financial systems. We talk about the how the lure of ‘shiny and new’ plays into the self shame of ADHD and the need to reinvent yourself on the regular, and the link between appreciating what you have and paying attention.  Clare cites the need for compassion in the industry and for banks to change their interfaces for neurodivergent people, and in terms of personal accountability, how important it is to identify what you have control over and how to handle the inevitable variables.  How her relationship with money mirrors her relationship with food, and how a show of compassion was the turning point for her in improving her financial well-being, but that progress is never linear.  This episode is FULL. OF. TIPS. Clare is a mine of information.  You can find her on the following platforms: Website Instagram And her book is available here  THE EXPERT Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here:  The ADHD Foundation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices