Explore every episode of the podcast Intrinsically Ordered

After seeing Catholic apologist Noah ( @Jesus.andwhatnot )  argue that pornography may cause homosexual desires, I decided to dig into the actual research.

In this video, I work through more than two dozen academic sources covering sexual orientation, sexual identity formation, pornography use, childhood abuse, correlation vs. causation, sexual fluidity, and sexual orientation change efforts. I also explain some of the basic research concepts that can help us distinguish a provocative correlation from evidence that one thing actually causes another.

As a gay former traditional Catholic apologist myself, I also want to talk about why these claims matter beyond an academic debate. Ideas about sexual orientation being caused or changed by particular behaviors can quickly overlap with claims underlying conversion therapy and sexual orientation change efforts.

My sources: https://gayextrad.substack.com/p/debunking-with-actual-studies-does

Noah's original video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXtY2xa9lFQ

00:00 Does Porn Make You Gay?
01:17 It's Not a Study
01:34 Survey Not Study
01:58 Orientation Is Complex
03:44 Identity Attraction Behavior
05:54 Porn Survey Problems
12:32 Correlation Not Causation
14:43 How To Test It
17:17 Puberty And Timing
18:34 What The Data Show
21:54 Abuse Claim Reversed
28:04 Hypothetheory Critique
29:44 Disordered Language Harm
31:28 Conversion Therapy Harms
32:38 Causality And Methods
35:55 Expert Consensus Matters
41:12 Motte Bailey

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Is the resurrection of Jesus actually a historical fact or does the argument only work if you begin with Christian assumptions?

In part two of our deep dive into the historical case for the Resurrection, Colin and I examine some of the most popular arguments used by Christian apologists: the claim that the apostles wouldn’t die for a lie, the supposed eyewitness accounts of the risen Jesus, the 500 witnesses mentioned by Paul, the early creed in 1 Corinthians 15, and attempts to use probability and Bayes’ theorem to argue that the Resurrection is historically likely.

We look at what we actually know about the deaths of the apostles, how the resurrection narratives developed across the Gospels, what Paul does—and doesn’t—claim to have witnessed, and whether early belief in the Resurrection is the same thing as evidence that it actually happened.

00:00 Recap Minimal Facts
02:20 Escaping Apologetics Maze
03:55 Apostles Die for Lie
11:11 Roman Guards Doubts
24:10 500 Witnesses Problem
26:49 Women at the Tomb Motif
29:08 Doubting Thomas and Belief
31:32 Memory and Legend Growth
35:46 Mythic Tropes and Other Gospels
39:57 Paul and the 500 Witnesses
50:25 Visions and Bereavement Experiences
54:48 Skepticism About 500
56:52 Pauline Creed Timeline
01:02:37 Memory And Mythmaking
01:09:44 God Assumption Debate
01:11:20 Additive Evidence Claim
01:13:35 What Resurrection Means

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, I sit down with  @SigurdAuthentic , founder of Gay Unmasked, to hear his coming out story and explore what it actually takes to accept that you're gay.

https://www.skool.com/gay-unmasked-4697/about

Sigurd opens up about recognizing his attraction to men as a teenager, falling for his male best friend, wrestling with stereotypes about gay men, and eventually reframing what being gay meant to him. We talk about masculinity, strength, CBT, shame, self-acceptance, dating, coming out to family and friends, and why building a life around purpose became so important after coming out.

We also dig into the philosophy behind Gay Unmasked, Sigurd's growing community for gay men, and his argument that coming out shouldn't be about asking other people for permission to be yourself.

00:00 Coming Out Is Ongoing
02:15 Early Signs and Denial
04:19 Growing Up Around Masculinity
11:16 Accepting It at 18
13:25 Mac and First Real Feelings
18:16 Reframing Gay Identity
21:51 CBT and Strength Mindset
25:44 First Confession to a Friend
30:01 Coming Out to Dad and Friends
31:46 Tinder Screenshot Plot Twist
36:01 Strength as Shield
36:29 Gym as Emotional Outlet
38:40 Life Moves On Mindset
40:39 Unmasking and Alan Watts
47:06 After Coming Out Purpose
49:21 Redirecting the Fight
55:56 Dating Men and Identity
01:05:44 Community and CBT Coaching
01:11:33 Success Stories and Farewell

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I took an atheist and a Mormon on a road trip to St. Mary’s, Kansas to experience the SSPX firsthand.

We attended a traditional Latin Mass, toured the massive Immaculata, talked with members of the community, and tried to understand what draws people to this intensely traditional form of Catholicism. Coming from three very different religious backgrounds (ex-traditional Catholic / current atheist, former Pentecostal / current atheist, and practicing Latter-day Saint), we each walked away with very different reactions.

We talk about the beauty (and boredom) of the Latin Mass, Catholic tradition, relics, hell, Vatican II, the SSPX’s conflict with Rome, how outsiders are treated, and whether this community actually succeeds at its stated mission of saving souls.

00:00 Heliocentric & All Those In Favor
01:41 What Is the SSPX
03:24 Expectations Going In
05:03 Road Trip to St Marys
06:43 First Sight of the Church
08:22 Drone Shots and Suspicious Locals
10:12 Medieval Dinner and Hotel
11:34 Mass Morning and Naming the Building
13:35 Inside the Immaculata First Impressions
16:48 Silence Sunlight and Getting Shushed
18:41 Latin Mass Reactions
22:11 Relics and Ranking Spirituality
30:27 SSPX Identity and Excommunication Denial
33:28 Latin Mass Confusion
34:10 Sermon Advice: Read Books
39:24 Hellfire Afterlife
41:21 Communion Rail Awkwardness
45:59 Tour Guides And Lunch
52:55 Trad Culture And Politics
54:27 Human Stories And Mary
59:17 Seeker Friendly Critique
01:05:08 Final Takeaways Next Steps

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Can history actually establish that Jesus rose from the dead?

In this episode of Atheist Imprimatur, Colin and I take on one of the central arguments in Christian apologetics: that the Resurrection isn't merely something Christians believe by faith, but something we have good historical reasons to accept as fact.

We examine the “minimal facts” approach associated with Gary Habermas, claims about the empty tomb, eyewitness testimony, early Christian belief, and the role our assumptions about God and miracles play in evaluating the evidence.

More importantly, we ask a basic question that often gets lost in apologetics: What can historians actually establish—and where does historical evidence end and faith begin?

This is Part 1 of our very long attempt to answer that question.

00:00 Why This Resurrection Video
07:28 Apologetics as Reassurance
11:13 Faith Versus Evidence
13:06 Appeal to Authority Problems
23:22 God Exists Then Miracles
27:42 Supernatural Explanations Spiral
32:23 Is God Really 50/50?
34:11 Historians and Resurrection Claims
42:16 Easter Meditation Not Proof
44:38 Habermas and Minimal Facts
52:38 Three Es and Empty Tomb
56:46 Sherlock Holmes Historiography
01:00:57 Empty Tomb Sources and Context
01:04:17 Empty Tomb Objections
01:08:42 Why Not Produce the Body
01:10:53 Acts and Early Movement
01:13:35 Roman Religious Tolerance
01:16:17 Three Explanations Critique
01:21:35 Tomb Worship Skepticism
01:25:19 They Wouldnt Die for a Lie

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I sat down with  ⁨@onehandpolitics⁩ and  ⁨@GregFromVideo1⁩   to compare three very different journeys out of Christianity. We talk about growing up Catholic and Evangelical, youth group culture, religious colleges, belonging, political identity, critical thinking, and what life looks like after leaving faith behind. Rather than debating theology, we explore why people believe, why people leave, and what replaces religion once you've built your identity around it. Whether you're religious, deconstructing, or simply curious, I hope this conversation gives you something to think about.

00:00 Mason's Backstory
03:36 Greg Youth Group Spiral
06:46 Cade Catholic Roots
09:21 College Faith Cracks
12:58 Scientology and Critical Thinking
16:23 Mason Deconstruction Breakpoint
22:54 Politics Meets Religion
27:18 Biola Rules and Side B
31:54 Belonging Beyond Religion
38:19 Calvinism And NPC Thinking
44:47 Will Religion Keep Declining?
54:04 Is Atheism A Religion
58:23 BITE Model Control Tactics
01:03:28 In Groups Define Out Groups
01:08:23 Tribalism And Power
01:10:46 Which Atheists Irritate
01:27:54 Science Is Not Ethics
01:34:10 Religion Can Liberate

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

DISCLAIMER: None of today's video should be used as medical advice. I am not a doctor, nor do I have any degrees in psychology/medication/etc. Only take medication under the supervision of a licensed medical provider.

After being diagnosed with ADHD and spending the past year on medication, I've started looking very differently at my years in traditional Catholicism, my love of religious debates, and even the way I built this YouTube channel. Matt Walsh recently commented that 'psychiatry has done nothing for us,' and I use that clip as a jumping off point in today's video.

In this video, I explore my hypothesis that ideological conflict can sometimes function as stimulation for an ADHD brain. I talk about how Catholic ritual and structure genuinely helped me manage symptoms I didn't yet understand, why I kept gravitating toward increasingly extreme religious positions, and why confrontation became such a powerful source of stimulation for me.

I also share, for the first time, my experience taking ADHD medication: the fears I had about medication, masculinity, addiction, and changing my personality—and what actually happened after a year of treatment.

00:00 - 1: Introduction

01:54 - Outline

02:09 - Disclaimers

03:02 - 2: What Does An ADHD Brain Look Like?

08:19 - 3: Why ADHD'ers Self-Medicate With Stimuli

10:29 - 4: My Hypothesis: Extremism As Self Medication

16:09 - 5: How Catholicism 'Helped' My ADHD

21:29 - 6: ADHD As An Atheist YouTuber

22:50 - 7: How I Got on ADHD Medication

32:24 - 8.1: How Meds Have Changed Me

34:45 - 8.2: What Meds Mean for My Channel

36:21 - 9:  Meds Aren't Perfect

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, Colin and I react to Brian Holdsworth's video "I'm Not Strong Enough to Be an Atheist." We unpack his portrayal of atheism through John Lennon and Nietzsche, discuss whether morality really requires God, and examine where we think his arguments miss the mark. Along the way we talk about humanism, socialism, religion, objective morality, Catholic apologetics, and what life after faith actually looks like. If you've ever wondered whether atheism inevitably leads to nihilism—or whether that's a false choice—this conversation is for you.

00:00 Back for Another Episode
02:00 Two Kinds of Atheism Setup
08:36 Commons Dilemma and Human Nature
10:42 Socialism and Incentives Pushback
17:55 Nietzsche and Moral Foundations
21:56 Objective Morality Debate
27:45 Master Morality and Power
31:58 Young Men and Nietzsche’s Appeal
34:32 Christianity vs Power Structures
38:06 No True Catholicism
42:34 Atheism Without Heroes
47:24 ADA and Mutual Benefit
48:46 Where Is the Thesis
49:37 Crusades and Contradictions
50:36 Nietzsche Illness as Gotcha
54:49 Capitalism and Collective Care

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Joe Schmid from  ⁨@MajestyofReason⁩ announced that he has returned to Catholicism. As an agnostic/atheist YouTuber who left catholicism, I’ve been thinking about how people should respond when someone leaves their religious or ideological group.

In this video, I lay out my “Ten Commandments” for responding to someone whose beliefs have changed. Drawing from my own experience leaving Catholicism and coming out, I talk about listening before arguing, taking people’s stated reasons seriously, respecting their autonomy, avoiding tribal “wins” and “losses,” and remembering that a person is always more important than the culture war surrounding them.

I’ll have plenty to say about Joe’s arguments for Catholicism in future videos. But before we debate his reasons, I think atheists, Catholics, and everyone else should remember how to treat the person making the decision.

00:00 Joe Schmid Converts
01:06 1: Keep the Person First
02:57 2: Accept Change
04:43 3: Listen Twice
06:17 4: Define Words
07:43 5: Trust Reasons
09:03 6: Limited Knowledge
10:33 7:Lead With Empathy
11:22 8: Respect Autonomy
12:43 9: Stay Connected
14:47 10: Process Privately
16:04 My Next Video

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Coming out is often portrayed as the happy ending—but for many people, it's only the beginning.

In this conversation with former Catholic priest and licensed therapist Danny Peterson, we explore why so many LGBTQ people who come out later in life feel like they're reliving adolescence as adults. We discuss religious trauma, dating, therapy, identity, relationships, extended adolescence, ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and what happens after the excitement of coming out fades into ordinary life.

We also talk about why relationships don't magically become easy, why many people search for gurus or simple answers after leaving religion, and how learning to tolerate uncertainty can become one of the healthiest parts of healing.

00:00 From Priest to Therapist
03:55 Extended Adolescence Explained
09:52 Healthy Coming Out Skills
13:13 Values and Red Flags
18:09 Sex vs Relationship First
20:59 Finding Mentors and Community
28:21 The Coming Out Paradox
33:38 ACT and Moving Forward
41:30 Facing Hard Truths
46:42 Ditching Gurus Dogma
53:40 Therapy Expectations Reality
57:41 Allyship Religion Safeguards
01:00:16 Finding A Therapist
01:04:15 Private Practice Wrap Up

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, Colin and I react to Brian Holdsworth's video asking whether "gay priests" are even a real thing. What starts as a discussion about labels quickly turns into a much bigger conversation about sexual orientation, Catholic theology, history, identity, and how the Church talks about same-sex attraction.

We unpack the arguments, examine where we think the reasoning breaks down, and discuss why language matters when talking about real people. Along the way we dive into Pope Francis' comments on seminaries, the 2005 Vatican instruction on admitting men with same-sex attraction to the priesthood, ancient Greek sexuality, bisexuality, orientation, and why analogies don't always prove what people think they prove.

00:00 Pride Month Banter
01:06 Reacting to Brian Holdsworth
03:09 Pope Francis Quote Fallout
05:13 Ancient Rome Was Gay
08:20 Labels and Orientation Debate
13:54 Appetites and Identity Claim
17:49 Catholic Analogy Time
22:17 Cravings vs Human Love
25:04 Appetites Make You Gayer
31:55 Short Term Hookups Critique
35:46 Dehumanizing the Gay Label
38:15 Labels and Identity Sprawl
38:52 Paradox of Tolerance Rant
39:51 Honorary Gender Studies
40:38 Dodging the Priest Question
41:16 Chastity vs Gay Label
42:29 Church Policy Contradictions
44:29 Food and Gluttony Analogy
46:50 Spectrum and Ancient World
51:31 Frauds and Sacraments
55:10 Title Not Description Confusion
57:00 Trad Conspiracy Briefcase
01:00:02 Sponsor Break Real Estate
01:01:15 Why Labels Help Research
01:07:29 Why So Many Gay Priests
01:10:50 Growing Up Without Language
01:15:47 Landing the Plane Conclusion

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

A Catholic priest (Fr Philippe Dalleur) and youtuber (Ethan Muse) have argued that shadows in photographs taken at Fatima in 1917 provide scientific evidence for extraordinary sources of light in the sky. So I spent more than 100 hours investigating the claim, since my entire job revolves around working with cameras and lighting as a cinematographer.

00:00 - A "Miraculous" Photo?
01:03 - How the Science Should Work
02:32 - What Was Our Lady of Fatima?
03:34 - Series Overview (Skip This)
05:08 - Lenses Loose a Dimension
08:56 - Reason #1: Can't Really Calculate a Lost Dimension
11:27 - How to Actually Calibrate Lenses
14:14 - Reason #2: Vintage Lenses Make It Even Harder
16:17 - The Third Dimension
18:10 - Reason #3: They Didn't Validate Their Methods
19:13 - Reason #4: Shadows Can't Really Be Measured
22:13 - Example Optics of Similar Scene
22:52 - Preview of Part 2: Lies in Development

This is a three part series. Part 1 (this video) covers why lenses make these calculations almost impossible without calibration. Part 2 will cover their terrible development process and post-production deception. And then Part 3 will recreate the lighting effect they're talking about.

Source #1: "Fatima Pictures and Testimonials: in-depth Analysis" published on March 8, 2021in Scientia et Fides  (keep in mind, this is not a peer reviewed science journal, they claim it's 'peer reviewed' but the peers are humanities people)
Source #2: "Fatima's Miracle Photo D115 - Sun Height Estimation" published on Sep 24, 2021 on the YouTube channel "BioPhilo" (I confirmed with Ethan that this is Dalleur's channel)
Source #3: "Sun Elevation Evaluation Technique + HUD" published on Aug 10, 2022 on the YouTube channel "BioPhilo"
Source #4: "Our Lady of Fatima" published on Sep 5, 2025 by Ethan Muse on his substack.
Source #5: "It Wasn't the Sun!" published on Oct 10, 2025 by Ethan Muse on his substack.
Source #6: "Catholic vs. Atheist: Was Fatima Miraculous?" of Ethan Muse and James Fodor on Jul 18, 2026 on the "Capturing Christianity" YouTube channel hosted by Cameron Burtuzzi

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

The recent SSPX excommunications have left a lot of Catholics—and even journalists—trying to understand what actually happened. In this episode, I sit down with Hunter, a former SSPX traditionalist (and also former sedevacantist seminarian), to unpack the history behind the headlines.

We explain Vatican II, Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, the founding of the SSPX, the 1988 episcopal consecrations, the creation of the FSSP, and why Pope Leo XIV's decision is different from previous popes. We also discuss how traditionalist movements understand authority, conscience, and obedience, and why this controversy has been building for decades rather than weeks.

00:00 SSPX Excommunication News
00:55 Hunter’s Trad Journey
03:31 What Happened In July in Econe, Switzerland
05:34 Nuclear Excommunication Explained
09:02 Vatican II Basics
12:06 Lefebvre and SSPX Origins
16:12 Spirit of Vatican II Debates
21:33 Key Doctrinal Flashpoints
27:28 Subsistit In Controversy
30:28 1974 Declaration and Breakaway
33:50 1983 Split and Sedevacantists
36:04 Obedience Paradox and Fallout
36:57 Bad Commands vs Doctrine
37:42 Sedevacantists Inside SSPX
41:15 1988 Bishops and Split
44:17 Valid vs Licit Sacraments
46:51 Obedience Paradox and Conscience
57:54 July Consecrations Fallout
01:03:24 Will SSPX Radicalize
01:07:09 Future of Trad Groups
01:09:49 Wrap Up and Thanks

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Apostate Imprimatur, Colin and I react to Brian Holdsworth's video asking how to tell a "real" Catholic from a "fake" Catholic. What starts as a discussion about Catholic identity quickly turns into debates about language, gender, authority, and whether Catholic apologetics consistently apply their own standards.

We discuss why so much Catholic YouTube feels like insider baseball, examine Brian's analogies about chairs, cars, and police officers, and argue that many conservative critiques of gender misunderstand what gender scholars are actually saying. Along the way, we talk about Catholic definitions, language change, trans identities, Church authority, and why some apologetic arguments seem persuasive only if you've never encountered the opposing viewpoint.

00:00 Episode Two Kickoff
01:20 Trad Cath Vibes and Profanity
02:33 Series Format and Feedback
05:12 Cue the Candace Owens Video
05:58 Catholic YouTube Insider Baseball
08:57 Cookie Break and Hot Takes
12:04 Who Counts as Catholic
13:21 Gender Detour What Is a Woman
23:33 Police Officer Analogy
30:00 Definitions Language and Power
34:18 Matter Form and Sacraments
38:11 Chair Example and Cake Chairs
38:58 What Counts as a Chair
39:19 Context Makes Words Work
40:19 Chairs and Trans Analogies
41:33 Form Matter and Sacraments
41:57 Car Parts and Functionality
44:35 Personhood Corpses and Souls
47:04 Uncanny Feelings Explained
49:42 Internal Bonds vs External Bonds
52:24 Defining Catholic Membership
57:06 Fake Catholic vs Not Catholic
01:03:56 SSPX and Legitimate Authority
01:10:29 Gender Debate and Word Games
01:17:10 Wrap Up and Next Video

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

What if the conversation around Christianity and LGBT people is far more complicated than either side admits?

In this episode, I sit down with therapist, author, and speaker Peter Valk (LPC) to explore one of the most difficult conversations happening in the Church today. We discuss conversion therapy, Side B Christianity, historic Christian sexual ethics, language surrounding sexuality and gender, why many churches struggle to talk about these topics well, and how pastors, parents, and Christians can approach these conversations with greater compassion and honesty.

Whether you agree with Peter's conclusions or not, this conversation is about understanding the complexity behind the headlines and moving beyond culture-war talking points toward thoughtful dialogue.

00:00 Meet Peter Valk
03:49 Why This Should Matter for Both Sides
11:35 Labels and Language
14:56 Gender Terms Explained
17:40 Identity Label Debate
20:30 Pastors and Discomfort
23:08 Sacred Cows
25:57 Listening Without Fear
29:55 Coming Out Well
33:36 Respectful Questions
35:43 Resources to Learn
37:42 Practical Church Steps
42:14 Clear Welcome Messages
47:35 Conversion Therapy Warning
54:45 Long Term Support
58:01 Wrap Up and Where to Find

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, Colin, Kevin NonTradiCath, and I react to Christian Wagner and Noah/Jesus and Whatnots' argument that kissing before marriage is sinful and compare it with the historical sources he cites. Along the way, we explore the writings of St. Alphonsus Liguori, medieval and early modern Catholic sexual ethics, Christopher West, Theology of the Body, and whether Catholics can really claim that the Church has always taught one consistent moral framework.

We also discuss how debates like this reveal a deeper issue: if Catholics still have to decide which saints, theologians, and authorities to follow, is Catholicism really as different from Protestantism as many apologists claim?

00:00 Podcast Intro and Chaos
00:59 Meet Kevin and the Premise
01:53 Can You Kiss Your Girlfriend
04:14 Why This Debate Matters
06:34 Who Is Christian Wagner
11:36 Watching the No Kissing Video
12:28 Laxity and Catholic Authority
16:14 Near Occasion of Sin Stories
20:57 Alphonsus Quotes and Sex Panic
23:53 Skipping Ahead to the Argument
26:20 Repression and Catholic Guilt
28:33 Kevin Pulls the Alphonsus Book
31:00 Who Was Alphonsus Liguori
32:13 Liguori Moral Doctor
34:03 Doctors You Cant Disagree
36:37 Modesty Of The Eyes
37:49 Dont Look At Women
47:54 Mortal Sin By Looking at Kids
50:03 Repression And Obsession
52:42 Modesty In Speech
55:16 Laughter Under Scrutiny
01:01:44 Fasting And Health Claims
01:04:35 Holy Lettuce Possession
01:06:59 Liguori And Extremes
01:07:57 Rules Over Harm
01:08:41 Drowning Rescue Caveats
01:11:37 Magisterial Minimalism
01:14:02 Three Tier Authority Critique
01:19:58 Fallible Framework Problem
01:20:27 No Infallible List
01:25:19 Back To Kissing Debate
01:26:53 Jimmy Akin Weigh Teachings
01:30:46 Protestantism With Extra Steps
01:34:04 Real World Harm
01:39:53 Final Takeaways And Goodbye

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Christian marriage advice often sounds inspiring, but what happens when it encourages people to ignore compatibility, personal calling, financial realities, or even their own well-being?

In this episode, I sit down with former evangelical pastor  ⁨@BrianRecker⁩   to examine one of the biggest Christian relationship influencers online and unpack the messages behind his viral marriage advice. We talk about purity culture, patriarchy, complementarianism, having large families, fear-based theology, and how these ideas shape dating, marriage, and parenting in both evangelical and conservative Catholic circles.

We also discuss why so much Christian relationship advice focuses on roles instead of people, how hell and religious fear influence life decisions, and what healthier, more equal relationships can look like after deconstruction.

Read Brian's new book 'Hell Bent' - https://a.co/d/0ad4Sd2D
Brian's substack: https://brianrecker.substack.com

00:00 Brian’s Evangelical Background
02:51 Fear of Hell and Assurance
05:23 Purity Culture and Sexual Shame
07:03 Who Is Ryan Miller
09:25 Love at First Sight Claims
11:57 Wife and Mom as Calling
17:07 Parenting Overwhelm and Pressure
22:48 Spiritual Bypassing and Big Families
30:01 Have More Kids Than You Can Afford
37:07 Comments Reveal the Harm
43:42 Hell as a Control Mechanism
47:05 A Healthier Christian Vision
48:33 Relearning Relationships Resources
52:33 Where to Follow Brian
54:03 Final Thanks and Wrap Up

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

For years I assumed the choice was simple: Catholicism or Protestantism. But the deeper I looked, the more I realized there is an entire world of high church Christianity that most people never hear about.

In this conversation, I'm joined by Austin from  @GospelSimplicity   to explore Anglicanism, Episcopalianism, Lutheranism, Orthodoxy, liturgy, tradition, deconstruction, and what options exist for people who are reevaluating Catholicism but still want to take Christianity seriously.

We discuss why young Christians are rediscovering tradition, the appeal of high church worship, the differences between Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutheran churches, and practical advice for anyone trying to find a spiritual home after deconstruction.

00:00 Austin’s Faith Journey
02:50 Why Episcopalian And Not Catholic
06:27 Discovering Protestant Breadth
10:42 Protestant Label Explained
13:46 Why Gen Z Loves Tradition
19:31 High Church Protestant Map
28:00 Are Teachings Simpler
31:21 Anglican Openness to Doctrine
32:24 Brittle Faith and Flexibility
33:39 Episcopal vs Anglican Explained
35:53 Anglican Labels in America
38:40 Why People Convert to Orthodoxy
41:55 Orthodox Diversity and Trends
44:04 Advice for Deconstructing Catholics
49:20 Finding a Church Without Paralysis
54:03 Praying While Spiritually Homeless

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

When I was a traditional Catholic, I was taught exactly what atheism was supposed to be: lonely, meaningless, directionless, and ultimately incapable of providing a fulfilling life. Then I became an atheist myself.

In this episode, I reflect on my journey from devout Catholicism to atheism and explain why I don't actually think atheism is a worldview at all. I talk about losing my faith, losing my community, searching for meaning, running ultramarathons, and eventually discovering that atheism wasn't a replacement for religion.

00:00 - Backstory
01:16 - What Catholicism Taught Me About Atheism
03:00 - I Never Wanted to Experience Atheism
05:33 - Atheism Was As Bad as I Was Told
07:03 - What An Alcoholic Ultramarathoner Taught Me
09:42 - Atheism is Nothing, Because It's Everything
11:26 - Atheism is Options - Not a Plan
12:46 - Atheism Gave Me Everything I Love
15:37 - The Irony of Ultramarathon Finish Lines

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Today on the Intrinsically Ordered Podcast, Colin returns for the first episode of our new reaction series: The Apostates' Imprimatur. We react to a video from  ⁨@BrianHoldsworth⁩ titled “I’m Not Smart Enough to Be Protestant” and unpack some of the biggest questions surrounding Catholicism, Protestantism, authority, heresy, and the chaos of early Christianity.

As two former traditional Catholics with years inside the Latin Mass world, we break down whether Christianity actually provides a reliable path to “truth,” whether Catholic authority solves the problems it claims to solve, and why debates about doctrine have existed since the earliest days of the church. We also dive into Protestantism, Catholic converts, church history, heresy, the Trinity, the Bible, and the strange world of online Catholic apologetics.

00:00 Podcast Return and Format
01:11 Colin’s Trad Catholic Background
09:33 Reacting to Protestant Confusion
35:17 Early Christianity Chaos
36:43 Paul and Church Authority
42:05 Gospel for the Poor
56:51 Unity as Proof
01:19:04 Trad Caths vs Authority
01:20:41 Interpretation Problem Returns
01:27:42 Canon History and Church Fathers
01:53:34 Hell Threat and Harm

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I spent a week researching one of the internet’s most viral and controversial gender stories - someone who detransitioned, became a Christian influencer, and then ultimately transitioned again. In this video, I break down the full timeline, the psychology behind what happened, and how online religious communities, algorithms, and high-control dynamics may have shaped this journey in ways most people are completely missing.

0:00 - Conservative Meltdown
2:23 - Neeza's First Posts
11:15 - Her First Time at Church
18:10 - Christian Hate and Gender Dysphoria
30:31 - Becoming Catholic
49:55 - "Failing" Jesus
59:19 - Toxic Christian Responses
1:12:54 - Better Christian Responses
1:18:24 - Neeza's Thoughts

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Former youth minister (and current Catholic) Ashley Kiefer joins me to talk about the messy overlap of faith, OCD, and scrupulosity. We trace her journey from professional Catholic youth worker to licensed therapist, why quoting the catechism at every problem stopped working, and how therapy forced her to learn actual listening instead of spiritual “fixing.”

We dig into what scrupulosity really is, how it shows up as a subtype of OCD, why sermons that end with “just trust God more” don’t work, and how online Catholic culture and “rad trad” spaces can quietly supercharge religious anxiety. Ashley shares practical steps for discerning when it’s time to see a therapist, how to find scrupulosity-literate help, and why dealing with OCD is not a betrayal of your faith.

00:00 Ashley’s Journey from Youth Ministry to Therapy
04:21 Discussing Mental Health in Youth Ministry
07:34 Transitioning to a Career in Therapy
10:40 The Role of Faith in Therapy
25:59 Scrupulosity and OCD
29:52 Addressing Misconceptions and Scrupulosity
35:45 Understanding Intrusive Thoughts
39:24 Scrupulosity in Catholicism
56:15 Seeking Help and Resources

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I got invited by  @HeliocentricOfficial to one of the biggest evangelical Christian YouTuber conferences in the country… as a gay atheist. Surrounded by Christian apologists, pastors, influencers, Mormons, Catholics, and some of the biggest names in Christian internet culture, I spent three days asking a
simple question: why am I still an atheist after all of this?

From debates on the Trinity to conversations about homosexuality, conversion therapy, suffering, and the strange beauty of religion itself, this was one of the most fascinating weekends I’ve had in a long time.

0:00 - Influencers^3
01:22 -  @Heliocentric 's invitation
03:26 - Day 1
04:06 - Lesson 1
08:05 - Day 1 Continues
09:44 - Lesson 2
17:26 - The Debate
18:37 - Lesson 3
23:54 - Post Debate
24:45 - Lesson 4
28:54 - Day 2's Craziness
31:02 - Lesson 5
34:17 - Bringing My Boyfriend

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

What if the Latin Mass isn’t the magic solution everyone online says it is?

In this episode of the Intrinsically Ordered Podcast, I sit down with Kevin Non-Trad, who was literally born into an FSSP Latin Mass community, went to the parish school in the church basement, prayed the rosary in Latin, and watched his childhood classmates quietly drift away from the faith. I come from the opposite direction: a suburban Novus Ordo kid who dove head-first into trad YouTube, daily rosaries, and Latin Mass as the supposed answer to the Church’s crisis—only to leave Catholicism anyway.

00:00 Kevin's Background in the Latin Mass
05:15 Retention Rates and Realities
07:05 Challenges and Critiques of the Traditionalist Movement
18:31 Liturgical Anecdotes
18:58 Why People Convert
21:46 Challenges and Criticisms of Latin Mass
25:06 The Human Connection to Rituals and Music
26:32 The Complexity of Faith and Personal Beliefs

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I've been working on this case for almost a year now - and I figured I'd give you the ultimate guide to understanding what is evening happening with conversion therapy and the Supreme Court. In this video, I break down the law, the arguments, and what the majority, concurrence, and dissent actually say. More importantly, I explain what the case is really about—because the framing of the question changes everything.

0:00 Background: Framing the Case

6:54 Background: What Colorado Law Says

12:07 Background: Defining Conversion Therapy

20:04 Background: How the Case Got Here

26:37 Background: First Amendment Basics

32:33 Background: How SCOTUS Decisions Work

43:29 Majority: Strict Scrutiny Explained

47:27 Majority: What Therapy Really Is

51:06 Majority: Parsing Colorado Law

54:39 Majority: Speech Versus Conduct

55:17 Majority: Facial V As Applied Challenge

58:34 Majority: Black Swan Analogy

1:02:11 Majority: No Perfect Precedent Fits

1:10:48 Majority: Bad Citations And Categories

1:14:01 Majority: Lawyers Cases Aren't Therapy

1:16:41 Majority: NIFLA Case Breakdown

1:20:24 Majority: Viewpoint Discrimination Claim

1:21:38 Majority: Orientation Versus Behavior

1:24:09 Majority: Religion Not The Issue

1:25:06 Majority: NIFLA

1:28:30 Majority: Professional Speech Limits

1:29:39 Majority: Viewpoint Discrimination Claim

1:36:28 Majority: Speech Versus Conduct

1:38:54 Majority: Informed Consent Analogy

1:45:59 Majority: Licensing Tradition Debate

1:56:51 Majority: Therapy Is Medical Treatment

2:05:16 Majority: Licensing And What’s Still Allowed

2:08:38 Majority: Consent Power Dynamics

2:10:28 Majority: When Actions Are Speech

2:13:57 Majority: Majority Logic Breakdown

2:19:23 Majority: Medical Consensus Hypothetical

2:23:51 Colorado Strategy Failures

2:32:28 Concurrence: Viewpoint Claim

2:36:46 Concurrence: Not A Mirror Image

2:40:54 Dissent: Jackson’s Framework

2:48:19 Dissent: Harms Of Conversion Therapy

2:52:42 Dissent: Why Minors Need Protection

2:52:56 Dissent: Fraud Not Free Speech

2:53:27 Dissent: What The Law Actually Bans

2:54:37 Dissent: Allowed Goals And Counseling

2:55:15 Dissent: Transition And Detransition Clarified

2:56:49 Dissent: Speech Versus Treatment Conduct

2:59:00 Dissent: Case Law And Student Speech

3:02:30 Dissent: NLA Versus Casey Breakdown

3:07:18 Dissent: Words As Medical Treatment

3:11:32 Dissent: Defining Professional Medical Speech

3:15:22 Dissent: Standards Of Care And Viewpoints

3:23:38 Dissent: History Of Licensing And Malpractice

3:32:37 Dissent: Majority Plays With Fire

3:39:04 Dedication And Final Thoughts

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of the Intrinsically Ordered Podcast, I sit down with Griffin to hear one of the most intense and personal stories I’ve encountered about growing up gay in a Christian environment. We talk about what it’s like to be taught that your identity is sinful, the psychological toll of trying to “pray the gay away,” and how systems of shame, guilt, and fear can shape the way you see yourself.

Griffin shares his firsthand experience with conversion therapy, including manipulation tactics, missionary school, and even being pressured into shock therapy. We also explore what it looks like to break free from that world, rebuild your identity, and navigate the tension between faith and sexuality—along with how these stories are still impacting people today.

00:00 Strict Megachurch Upbringing
04:01 Realizing He Was Gay
21:46 Hawaii Mission School Brainwashing
28:38 Fear Tactics and Shame
32:05 Ex-Gay TikTok Era
34:36 Coerced Shock Therapy
40:37 Healing and Hope Ahead

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

*Skip to 01:23:00 - if you just want to see the slavery bit*

After a few months off podcasting, I came back with one of the wildest conversations I’ve had with a Catholic apologist. This is my third debate with Noah from  ⁨@Jesus.andwhatnot⁩   and we start in a pretty normal place: the historicity of Jesus, what (if anything) we can know from the sources, how reliable the Gospels are, and whether claims like crucifixion and resurrection can be treated like other ancient historical questions.

Then the conversation takes a sharp turn into epistemology—faith vs. history, “first principles,” and whether the Catholic Church can be treated as an infallible authority. And yes: there’s a moment where he starts defending slavery, which honestly caught me off guard in real time.

If you want the calm historical discussion, it’s here. If you want the “what did I just hear” moment, you’ll definitely find it. Either way, I hope this helps you think more clearly about what counts as evidence, what counts as faith, and how people build worldviews.

00:00 Introduction and Podcast Return
02:43 Debate Setup: Historicity of Jesus
06:04 Exploring the Historical Jesus
18:34 Crucifixion and Resurrection Debate
32:03 Skepticism and Historical Evidence
47:51 The Presupposition of Jesus as God
48:25 Mary's Perpetual Virginity: Historical or Faith Claim?
49:28 Catholicism and Historical Claims
53:43 Epistemology and Circular Reasoning
55:45 First Principles and Trust in the Catholic Church
59:08 Faith vs. Historical Evidence
01:02:46 The Role of the Catholic Church in Morality
01:06:07 Debating the Stability of Worldviews
01:09:31 The Evolution of Catholic Doctrine
01:23:00 - DEFENDING SLAVERY
01:27:11 Closing Statements and Reflections

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I got to sit down in person with fellow ex-Catholic creator  ⁨@Nontradicath⁩   for a long-awaited crossover: why we’re not Catholic anymore.

Kevin shares his journey from being “born into” the traditionalist FSSP world—daily Latin Mass, grace-maxing, Marian devotions—to slowly realizing that so much of what he’d been taught as “history” looks a lot more like legend. 
We talk Old Testament authorship, Adam and Eve, gospel reliability, Marian apparitions like Fatima and Guadalupe, and the uncomfortable gap between what Catholic scholars actually say in academic work and what popular apologists tell the pews and YouTube.

00:00 Kevin's Background and Catholic Answers
04:00 Why We're Not Catholic Anymore
07:19 Historical and Biblical Skepticism
09:49 Marian Apparitions and Church History
11:46 Catholic Apologetics
20:10 Community and Catholicism
23:55 Catholic Scholars vs. Apologists
25:42 Frustrations with Apologetics
29:08 Deconstructing Catholic Beliefs
41:36 The Role of Fiction and Stories

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, Cade sits down with gay Catholic writer and lawyer Chris Damian to unpack one of the most abused buzzwords in Catholic debates: natural law.

They trace how Aristotle, Aquinas, and virtue ethics get flattened into YouTube talking points, why “sex is for babies and bonding” doesn’t actually settle anything, and how natural law gets weaponized against LGBT people, contraception, and queer families while mysteriously ignoring things like smoking and worker exploitation.

From Latin Mass culture and “Catholic Inc.” to chastity, conversion therapy, and bad analogies about chairs, cups, and diet soda, Cade and Chris ask: What would natural law look like if we actually cared about human flourishing—especially for queer people—instead of just defending a pre-decided rulebook?

00:00 Natural Law in Catholicism
01:35 Catholic Inc. and Rad Trad Explained
03:31 Natural Law and Sexual Ethics
09:39 Critiques and Complexities of Natural Law
14:17 Marriage and Natural Law
20:25 Natural Law in Practice and Popular Misconceptions
37:58 Christian Natural Law and Intuitive Goods
46:30 The Anorexia Argument and Natural Law
50:56 The Flaws in Catholic Natural Law Arguments
56:14 The One-Way Valve of Catholic Studies
58:10 Adoption and Same-Sex Couples
59:52 The Complexity of Human Flourishing
01:04:06 The Inconsistencies in Catholic Sexual Ethics
01:06:57 The Broader Implications of Natural Law

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I sit down with Catholic YouTuber  @evan_raugust after a wild weekend where we went to seven churches in one weekend: Messianic Jewish, Catholic, Pentecostal, Orthodox, Anglican, non-denominational megachurch, and a Presbyterian church plant.

Evan's full main channel video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHejO1GGbwU&t=651s

We unpack how each community tells a different story about God, heaven, and everyday life—Latin Mass vs fog machines, house-church Orthodoxy vs televised sermons, “I felt the Holy Spirit” vs “this still doesn’t make me a believer.” We talk conversion, deconstruction, the pull of beauty and liturgy, and why some churches felt genuinely soulful while others felt like spiritual factories.

If you’re curious how an ex-Catholic atheist and a convinced Catholic convert experience the same services in totally different ways, this conversation is for you.

00:00 Weekend Adventure: Visiting Different Churches
01:20 Evan's Religious Background
03:48 Cade's Religious Background
04:49 Collaboration and Video Concept
11:46 Messianic Jewish Church Experience
14:59 Catholic Church Experience
19:00 Pentecostal Prayer Service Experience
20:46 Catholic vs Evangelical Views on End Times
23:18 Orthodox Church Experience
27:17 Non-Denominational Church Visit
31:16 Anglican Evensong Service
33:33 Nova Church: A Presbyterian Experience
38:00 Reflections on Visiting Multiple Churches
42:13 Concluding Thoughts on Religion and Atheism

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Christian youtube video essays keep claiming that “LGBT ideology” ruined male friendship, but I have no clue what they're on about.

As a gay ex-Catholic, I use my old theological training to look at the “and they were just roommates” discourse, the panic over male affection, and the erasure of queer couples from history. I also share my own story of trying to be a devout, rule-following Catholic while secretly gay—and what I discovered about friendship once I left that homophobic bubble.

Creators featured in this video:
 @theLOOPcast
 @TheCounselofTrent
 @amenalex
 @AscensionPresents
 @jasonevert  

00:00 Gay People Stole Your Frogs and Toads
06:48 And History Will Call Them Roommates
23:11 Keep The Socks On
36:38 The Real Victims

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

After debating together on the Ellen Fisher Podcast, Elijah Lamb (Gen-Z Christian preacher and well-known TikToker) and I (ex-Catholic, now atheist debater) sat down to unpack Gen-Z Catholicism, Protestant/Catholic/Atheist debate culture, and why certainty theater replaces discipleship. We talk caricatures (“read church history, become Catholic”), denominational hopping, Mary/Eucharist misunderstandings, street-apologetics gotchas, humility vs. victory, and how online arguments are getting more technical—and more honest. What should Catholics, Protestants, and atheists actually do next?

00:00 Rise of Gen Z Catholicism
02:47 Personal Faith Journeys
04:54 Debating Apologetics
07:33 Youth and Theological Exploration
10:26 Navigating Online Religious Debates
30:22 The Role of Apologetics in Faith
34:26 The Futility of Online Religious Debates
36:32 The Impact of Apologetics on Personal Faith
43:31 The Evolution of Christian-Atheist Debates
49:41 Advice for Catholic Apologists and Atheists

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

My infographic about this case: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a6-vYf6qIZ8r9xS3G_dRGTaF6qi-hOVK/view?usp=sharing

A new “victim” has entered the culture war stage at the Supreme Court. After the “No Cake” baker and the “No Website” designer, meet “No Therapy” Kaley— a Christian counselor recruited by well-funded right-wing legal groups to challenge Colorado’s bipartisan ban on conversion therapy for minors.

In this episode, I break down the Salazar case, the PR tactics behind it, and the dangerous history of conversion therapy. We’ll look at how billionaires bankroll fake plaintiffs, how discredited psychologists invented “reparative therapy,” and why banning conversion therapy is actually a win for both kids and conservative faith communities.

00:00 Background on Conversion Therapy Laws
01:46 Manufacturing a Victim
03:33 The Case of Kaley Chiles
04:52 Public Narrative and Legal Arguments
09:53 The History and Pseudoscience of Conversion Therapy
16:00 Impact on Religious Communities
23:02 Conclusion and Personal Reflections

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

On this episode of The Intrinsically Ordered Podcast, I sit down with SC Neely—therapist, author of 30+ books, and specialist in religious trauma and queer/trans identity. We explore the real signs of religious trauma, how it overlaps with complex PTSD, and the unique challenges queer people face when deconstructing from high-control religious environments.

We cover the roadmap from questioning to deconstruction to rebuilding identity, how trauma shows up in the body, why labels can feel overwhelming, and practical steps for reclaiming identity, sexuality, and community outside of religion.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your religious past still affects your identity today, this conversation will give you clarity, compassion, and tools for healing.

00:00 Understanding Religious Trauma
08:28 Navigating Identity After Leaving Religion
29:15 Practical Steps for Rebuilding Life Post-Religion
41:47 Recognizing Self-Sabotage from Religious Trauma
46:47 Dealing with Feeling Behind in Life
51:01 Managing Anger After Leaving Religion
54:54 Exploring Queer Spaces and Identities
01:10:49 The Lifelong Journey of Healing from Trauma

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode, I share my raw and personal journey through Catholicism—from being raised in a suburban Catholic family to becoming an intense religious fundamentalist who nearly entered a monastery. I explain what it was like to give every waking moment to prayer, theology, and the dream of becoming a monk, only to have my life upended when I was rejected for being gay.

What followed was a painful process of leaving not just Catholicism, but religion itself. I open up about the collapse of my community, meaning, and identity—and how I rebuilt my life through running ultramarathons, reconnecting with purpose, and creating content to help others on their journey.

This isn’t an argument against belief; it’s a memoir of faith, loss, discovery, and resilience. Whether you’re religious, questioning, or completely secular, I hope my story resonates with you.

00:00 My Religious Beginnings
02:37 Religious Awakening
05:29 Deepening Faith
11:42 Embracing Fundamentalism and the Latin Mass
15:36 COVID Lockdowns and Monastic Aspirations
19:18 Rejection and College Life
22:04 Life Decisions
30:16 Questioning Catholic Teachings
32:46 Departing Catholicism
35:08 Struggles with Identity
38:07 Finding New Meaning
41:40 Embracing a New Life
46:55 Reflections on Religion and Personal Growth
53:19 Living Authentically

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

What happens when you attend a traditional Latin Catholic Mass in the morning and a drag brunch in the afternoon? Surprisingly, these seemingly opposite worlds share more than you’d expect. In this episode, we unpack seven parallels between Catholic liturgy and drag performance—from ritual and belonging to performance, morality, and meaning.

For us, this isn’t about mockery. It’s about understanding how humans create community, how rituals give us identity, and how art—whether sacred chant or drag lip-sync—can lift us beyond ourselves.

00:00 Weekend Adventures: Latin Mass and Drag Brunch
01:03 Understanding Drag Brunch
02:12 Commonalities Between Latin Mass and Drag Brunch
02:35 Personal Backgrounds and Reflections
03:55 Seven Commonalities: An Overview
04:31 Disclaimers and Respectful Comparisons
07:06 Social Conformity in Rituals
15:02 Navigating Social Scripts
20:38 Reinforcing Community and Morality
31:30 Entertainment and Performance
32:34 Choosing Preferences in Drag and Religion
33:18 Community and Performance in Mass and Drag
34:00 Diversity and Aesthetic Preferences
36:31 Social Investment in Rituals
40:31 Shedding the Self in Group Activities
47:33 The Role of History and Trauma
56:32 Intentional Community Building
01:00:19 Finding Your Community

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, Evelyn from  @leavelaughlove   joins me to tackle one of the hardest questions we get asked: how do you talk to loved ones who are falling into fundamentalist Catholicism?

We unpack:

Why people get drawn into high-control religious groups
How to maintain healthy boundaries without burning bridges
Why “debating” rarely changes minds
Compassionate approaches that keep relationships intact
When it’s okay to let go
Whether it’s your child, spouse, parent, or friend, this conversation offers realistic and empathetic strategies for navigating these difficult dynamics.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:23 Today's Topic: Relating to Fundamentalist Catholics
01:06 Personal Experiences with Fundamentalism
01:49 Understanding the Rabbit Hole
02:57 Starting the Conversation
06:07 The Importance of Boundaries
09:49 Maintaining Relationships with Compassion
13:08 Navigating Conversations and Debates
21:22 The Role of Community in Fundamentalism
23:55 Setting Clear Boundaries
31:17 Respecting Individual Journeys
37:45 Navigating Conflicting Emotions
38:48 Maintaining Relationships Despite Differences
40:26 Understanding High-Control Religious Beliefs
44:22 Advice for Parents of Religious Teens
56:43 The Deconstruction Process
01:04:32 Setting Boundaries and Finding Supportive Relationships
01:13:13 Final Thoughts and Viewer Engagement

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, I sit down with Isabelle, who grew up immersed in traditional Catholicism—daily rosaries, novenas, and all. Over time, she shifted toward progressive Catholicism before beginning a slow and painful unraveling of belief. We talk about mental health, OCD masked as virtue, the reality of Catholic marriage and NFP, gender and sexuality, and the psychological manipulation baked into so many teachings. Isabelle shares how motherhood, philosophy, and her relationship with her non-Catholic husband helped her reclaim agency and begin truly living. It’s raw, real, and deeply moving.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Background
00:21 Early Catholic Upbringing
01:08 Struggles with Faith and Mental Health
01:57 Deconstruction Journey Begins
04:42 Neurodivergence and Religion
13:18 College Years and Evolving Beliefs
19:11 Marriage and Catholic Rules
25:16 Challenges with Natural Family Planning
32:32 Realizing the Harm of Church Teachings
33:59 Questioning God's Behavior
35:12 Struggles with Church Teachings on Parenting
36:32 Self-Doubt and Leaving the Church
43:58 The Impact of NFP and Personal Choices
45:45 The Tipping Point: Intersex Identities
48:46 Final Steps Away from the Church
49:42 Life After Leaving the Church
52:21 Reflections and Final Thoughts

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, I'm joined by Greg and Oliver—two seasoned left-wing voices who’ve appeared on Jubilee, the Whatever podcast, and in brutal six-hour debates with professional sexists, racists, and homophobes. Together, we unpack the ethics of debate, how to survive the emotional toll, what it’s like to be in the room with Jordan Peterson or Michael Knowles, and why the left can’t afford to stay silent anymore. Whether you're thinking of joining a debate or just curious how to counter the right-wing media machine, this is your crash course in becoming a better debater—without losing your mind, your values, or your sense of humor.

Oliver's Youtube:  @oliverniehaus
Oliver's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/olivermniehaus/
Oliver's TIkTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@oliver.niehaus?lang=en

Greg's YouTube:  @GregDoesVideos  
Greg's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gregfromvideo1/
Greg's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@gregfromvideo1?lang=en

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
00:10 Meet the Guests: Greg and Oliver
00:26 Debate Experiences and Reflections
01:20 The Role of Online Political Debates
04:57 Challenges and Criticisms of Debating
10:17 Strategies for Effective Debating
12:49 The Impact of Debates on Public Perception
35:49 Encouraging More Left-Wing Debaters
36:16 Advice for Aspiring Debaters
38:28 Setting the Stage: Debate Preparation Insights
38:54 Handling Misinformation in Debates
40:59 The Importance of Honest Feedback
41:44 Extensive Preparation Techniques
42:40 Staying Disciplined During Debates
43:17 Avoiding Gotcha Moments
45:41 Using Personal Experience Effectively
51:40 Managing Emotions in Debates
01:09:31 Building a Debate Network
01:20:09 Handling Hate Comments
01:21:26 The Power of Blocking on YouTube
01:24:09 The Reality of Viral Fame
01:26:44 Debate Strategies and Real-World Impact
01:33:17 Security and Privacy Concerns
01:36:32 The Fun and Challenges of Debating
01:40:29 Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up
01:50:34 Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I sat down with Darian, a gay creator who once wanted to be a Catholic priest and now runs an OnlyFans—while still attending Mass. We talked about scrupulosity, being queer in the church, spirituality beyond dogma, and the surprising peace he found in ritual. Darian's story is messy, funny, thoughtful, and deeply honest—and it challenges what it means to be both gay and Catholic in a polarized world.

You can follow Darian on instagram and tikTok - https://www.instagram.com/darianblackofficial/

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:17 Darien's Background and Journey
01:45 Growing Up Catholic in the South
04:42 Struggles with Catholic Teachings on Sexuality
06:35 Coming Out and Family Reactions
22:09 Exploring Religion and Spirituality
25:27 Starting Social Media and OnlyFans
26:21 Finding Peace in Daily Mass
27:30 Transition to Social Media Success
29:51 Balancing Faith and Career
30:54 Views on Church Teachings and Sexuality
32:59 Community and Acceptance
37:56 Catholic Converts and Personality Types
45:30 Advice for Young LGBTQ+ Catholics
51:37 Final Thoughts and Where to Connect

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Jared from Heliocentric joins me to talk about his experience attending a Latin Mass for the first time and what it reveals about the explosive growth of Rad Trad Catholicism online. We dive into the aesthetics, the online media machine, the psychology of conversion, and how social media fuels religious radicalization. We also reflect on sexuality, the pain of being gay in the Church, and our shared experiences with Jordan Peterson. This one goes deep.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:23 Humorous Banter and Bible References
01:06 Jared's YouTube Channel and Background
02:37 Discussion on Traditional Catholicism
03:25 Rad Trad Influencers and Online Presence
05:02 Experiences with Latin Mass and Orthodox Church
23:07 Jared's Personal Journey and Challenges
33:03 Theological Reflections on Homosexuality
41:15 Struggles of Celibate Gay Christians
43:45 Navigating Catholic Teachings on Homosexuality
46:19 Conversion Therapy and Childhood Trauma
47:33 The Hierarchy of Catholic Vocations
49:35 The Reality of Online Religious Discourse
53:32 Emotional Honesty in Religious Conversations
54:28 The Role of Therapy in Leaving Religion
57:46 Personal Experiences with Faith and Atheism
01:02:47 Debating Religion Online vs. In Person
01:16:50 Behind the Scenes of Jubilee Debates
01:22:05 The Intensity of Live Debates
01:23:00 Reflecting on the Peterson Debate
01:24:38 The Hero's Journey in Jubilee Format
01:25:41 Peterson's Performance and Public Perception
01:29:10 The Evolution of Jordan Peterson's Ideology
01:33:01 Personal Impact and Critique of Peterson
01:44:12 Debating Religion and Atheism
01:48:27 The Role of Conversations in Deconstruction
02:00:00 The Influence of Online Debates
02:02:43 Navigating Hyper-Niche Content
02:03:14 Engaging with Online Audiences
02:04:12 The Reality of Internet Fame
02:05:07 The Fear of Being Misunderstood
02:06:06 Balancing Authenticity and Reach
02:14:38 The Ethics of Church Audits
02:16:25 Conversations on Faith and Belief
02:17:54 The Complexity of Deconversion
02:22:28 Debating Religion and Epistemology
02:30:06 Reflecting on Personal Narratives
02:34:44 Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of the Intrinsically Ordered Podcast, I’m joined again by Noah from Jesus and Whatnot for part two of our deep-dive into what the Bible says—or doesn’t say—about homosexuality. As a gay atheist and former almost-priest, I argue that the biblical texts don’t clearly address modern queer relationships. Noah, now a confirmed Catholic, brings the counterpoint: that Scripture plainly condemns all homosexual intercourse. We cover Leviticus, Romans, Paul’s invented Greek words, death penalty laws, and whether the Bible is as clear as people say it is—or whether everyone’s just projecting their own beliefs onto it.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:33 The Origin of the Debate
01:02 Noah's Stance on Biblical Condemnation
03:55 Leviticus and Homosexuality
18:46 New Testament Perspectives
18:59 Romans 1:26-27 Analysis
31:11 Historical Context and Modern Interpretations
40:56 Debating Biblical Interpretation of Homosexuality
41:38 Contextual Analysis of St. Paul's Writings
42:19 Modern vs. Historical Views on Homosexuality
44:04 The Role of Historical Context in Biblical Interpretation
46:04 Analogies and Their Limitations
48:35 Revisiting Biblical Texts and Modern Understandings
55:17 The Debate on Capital Punishment and Biblical Teachings
59:06 The Case for Progressive Interpretation
01:14:10 Final Thoughts and Conclusions

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

I got to sit down with  @bradyvandruenen55 , a former Catholic school student and hockey player from small-town Canada, to hear his powerful story of growing up gay in a conservative Catholic environment. We dive into Catholic sex ed, hockey locker room culture, the mental gymnastics of trying to be someone you're not, and what it was like to finally break free and come out. This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt trapped by faith, family, or fear.

You can follow Brady on:
Youtube:  @bradyvandruenen55  
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@bradyvandruenen
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bradyvandruenen/

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:14 Brady's TikTok Journey
03:12 Growing Up Catholic
05:22 Sex Education and Early Conflicts
08:48 Struggles with Identity
18:25 Coming Out and Self-Acceptance
24:07 The Journey of Self-Acceptance
24:30 Coming Out to Friends and Colleagues
26:15 Family Reactions and Challenges
31:21 Navigating High School and Religion
32:08 Experiences in Hockey Culture
38:02 Life After Coming Out
38:17 Advocacy and Future Goals
46:05 Final Thoughts and Advice

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

This is the ultimate guide to coming out—philosophically, practically, and personally. Whether you’re just starting to question your identity, preparing for your first conversation, or figuring out how to rebuild your life after coming out, this video is for you.

As someone who almost became a Catholic priest and now helps coach others through the coming out process, I’ve condensed everything I know—from identity labels to safety planning, to navigating family, faith, and fear—into this one video. You’ll find conversation scripts, tips, community, and real-life encouragement.

Your life doesn’t start when you have all the answers. It starts the moment you get to breathe.

00:00 Intro
02:15 Understanding the Coming Out Process
11:58 The Importance of Labels and Identity
14:18 Planning and Safety Considerations
16:49 Building a Coming Out Plan
20:21 Navigating Conversations and Reactions
26:11 The Reality of Life After Coming Out
28:50 Cade's Personal Coming Out Letter
32:46 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this episode of Intrinsically Ordered, Cade chats with Evelyn from Leave Laugh Love about the hidden world of Newman Guide colleges — those elite, ultra-conservative Catholic universities designed to "protect" young adults from the real world. Evelyn shares her experience attending Franciscan University, the cult-like enforcement of Catholic morality, the double lives queer students are forced to live, and the gaslighting that comes with leaving. We dive into everything from purity culture to fake academic rigor, campus surveillance, and why these colleges are obsessed with Jordan Peterson and Lila Rose. If you’re wondering whether these schools are holy havens or Catholic cults — this episode is for you.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction
01:08 Criteria for Newman Guide Schools
03:05 Personal Experiences at Newman Guide Schools
06:23 Life at Franciscan University
21:25 Homeschooling and Academic Challenges
24:29 Critical Thinking and Education
36:47 Student Life and Social Dynamics
42:16 The Role of Religion in Student Life
45:20 Debating Sin and Personal Relationships
49:16 Questioning Research and Studies
01:09:45 Leaving the Catholic University
01:21:21 Final Thoughts and Advice

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Join the community and join the group discussion on discord: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

I’m joined by Kevin for a deep dive into one of Catholicism’s most emotionally compelling and scientifically dubious claims: Eucharistic miracles. You’ve heard the stories—bread turning into heart tissue, bleeding hosts, and baffled scientists—but how well do these claims hold up to scrutiny?

Kevin walks us through the actual studies (or lack thereof), the role of contamination, misleading narratives, and the difference between scientific integrity and religious marketing. We talk Lonciano, Buenos Aires, and Tlaxcala, plus the Catholic scientists themselves who have started to speak out.

If you’ve ever felt guilt-tripped into staying Catholic because of these miracles—or you just want to understand the facts—this episode is for you.

00:00 Introduction to Eucharistic Miracles
00:34 Popular Eucharistic Miracle Claims
02:18 Scientific Investigations and Findings
04:16 Catholic Beliefs and Practices
07:57 Skepticism and Scientific Critique
20:39 Blood Type Analysis in Miracles
37:43 DNA Evidence and Its Implications
38:55 DNA Findings and Supernatural Claims
40:13 Scientific Skepticism and Contamination
45:40 Dr. Kiers' Experiment and Findings
48:05 Dr. Trian Cos' Skepticism
55:00 Economic and Social Implications of Miracles
58:55 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Jordan Peterson is famous for inspiring many to take religion seriously — but for me, he had the opposite effect. In this video, I walk you through how reading Maps of Meaning turned me from a devout Catholic who almost became a priest into an atheist — and how Peterson’s ideas unexpectedly helped me accept myself as a gay man. We'll dive into belief, metaphorical substrates, value hierarchies, meta-narratives, and why I eventually walked away from Peterson too. Strap in — it’s a journey.

00:00 Discovering Jordan Peterson's Work
03:26 Realizing Natural Explanations for Religious Benefits
05:03 Understanding Peterson's Concept of God
08:07 Metaphorical Substrate and Its Influence
09:46 The Power of Stories and Archetypes
15:35 Meta-Narratives: Finding Purpose and Direction
17:43 Questioning the Need for a Supernatural God
18:50 The Role of Belief in Religion
25:54 Embracing My Sexuality: Peterson's Indirect Influence
28:58 Why I Left Jordan Peterson Behind
30:32 Critique of Peterson's Views and Methods
34:11 Conclusion: Life Beyond Dogma

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

On today's episode, we react to a 27 page document that reports to take people from agnosticism to catholicism. Myself and Colin (ex-traditional catholics) debunk this document while getting an outsider's perspective from our friend Greg (never been very religious). Let's see how catholic apologetics play out to some experienced debaters and a fresh set of eyes.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
02:39 Discussion on Proving Religion
08:11 The Big Bang and God's Existence
09:30 Critique of the Big Bang Argument
15:54 Philosophical and Scientific Counterpoints
31:37 Historical Reliability of the Gospels
43:24 Exploring Historical Claims and Mystical Accounts
44:27 Miracle Claims Across Religions
45:31 Historical Evidence for Jesus
49:13 Manuscript Evidence and Reliability
51:41 Debating the Historical Accuracy of the Gospels
01:01:04 The Role of Apologetics in Reinforcing Belief
01:06:52 Introduction to Part Two: Converting Greg
01:09:04 Did Jesus Claim to Be God?
01:25:38 Introduction to the Debate
01:26:05 The Concept of the Trinity
01:26:39 Jesus' Divinity and Historical Context
01:29:01 The 'I Am' Argument
01:34:29 Miracles and Prophecies
01:39:15 The Trilemma Argument
01:44:02 Establishing the Church
02:04:56 Questioning the Trinity and Monotheism
02:05:14 Santa Claus and Apologetics
02:06:43 Jesus Establishes the Church
02:11:45 The Church's Succession and Authority
02:15:54 Faith and the Catholic Church
02:29:57 Natural vs. Supernatural Faith
02:42:11 Critique of Catholic Charity and Unity
02:43:39 Questioning the Infallibility of the Church
02:46:25 Debating the Authority of the Church
02:49:27 Concluding Thoughts on Faith and Apologetics
02:53:39 Final Reflections and Advice

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

In this critical follow-up to our earlier reflections on Pope Francis’s passing, three gay ex-Catholics break down the truth behind the progressive myth. While headlines hail him as a revolutionary, we ask: did anything actually change for queer Catholics? From catechism clauses to conversion therapy, brunch with trans folks to doctrinal silence—this episode confronts the carefully curated optics of compassion.

We’re not here to hate—just to tell the truth. What could have changed? What stayed the same? What harm still hides behind a smile? Tune in to hear three ex-believers decode the Vatican’s most PR-friendly pope.

00:00 Introduction and Today's Topic
01:00 Initial Reactions to Pope Francis
03:01 Personal Journeys and Opinions
06:09 Pope Francis' Actions and Inactions
10:04 The Church's Stance on LGBT Issues
17:13 Comparing Traditional and Progressive Catholics
22:43 Pope Francis' Legacy and Future Implications
26:44 Cultural Significance of the Latin Mass
28:18 Pope Francis' Stance on Homosexuality
29:16 The Future of Pope Francis' Legacy
31:13 The Church's Harmful Teachings on LGBTQ+ Issues
32:30 Pope Francis' Missed Opportunities for Change
37:49 The Catholic Church's Influence and Power
39:42 Pope Francis' Actions and Inactions
46:22 Concluding Thoughts on Pope Francis
50:46 Final Remarks and Farewell

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.

Pope Francis has passed—and within hours, I sat down with Justin from Empty Chairs for an off-the-cuff emergency podcast. As a gay ex-Catholic and a gay current Catholic, we unpack Pope Francis’s complicated legacy on LGBTQ issues. Did he really change anything? Did he do enough? Or was it all just nice-sounding words with no lasting impact?

We talk about our own experiences inside the Church, from being denied vocations to being fired for our sexuality. We also dive into the real theological documents vs. the media narrative, and what the Church might look like under the next Pope.

If you want an honest, emotionally raw, and well-informed queer Catholic perspective—you’re in the right place.

00:00 Introduction and Emergency Podcast Setup
00:46 Initial Reactions to Pope Francis' Passing
02:05 Pope Francis' Legacy on Queer Issues
03:06 Media Reactions and Public Perception
04:06 The 'Who Am I to Judge?' Controversy
05:53 Pope Francis' Ambiguity and Pastoral Approach
07:29 Conservative Backlash and Church Politics
09:06 Pope Francis' Stance on Homosexuality and Church Teachings
11:26 Personal Stories and Church Discrimination
22:45 Pope Francis' Impact on Vocations and Priestly Celibacy
27:35 Addressing the Pope's Controversial Statements
28:22 Personal Experiences with Church Rejection
29:28 Pope Francis' Legacy and Impact
30:37 Hopes and Fears for the Next Pope
33:40 Challenges for LGBTQ+ Catholics
38:53 The Future of the Catholic Church
42:42 Final Thoughts and Personal Reflections

To join our discord community for $1 or to support my work/get early access to content, check out my patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/gayextrad

To be a guest on the episode, visit my YT channel and send me an email.