Intentionally Single – Details, episodes & analysis

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There's a difference between being okay with being single—and realizing that being single might be who you actually are.

Not temporarily. Not while you're healing.

But permanently. Essentially. Authentically.

For 15 years, I believed I was single because something was wrong with me. Because I was "a horrible wife" (his exact words). Because I needed to fix myself before I'd be ready for partnership.

Then came the November walk. The question that changed everything. And my ex-boyfriend's engagement—which brought relief instead of devastation.

That's when I knew: I'm not temporarily single. I'm not healing toward partnership. I'm single at heart.

This episode reveals what researchers mean by "core identity"—and what happens when you stop believing you're broken.

In This Episode You'll Discover:

The Personal Story:

• The question that appeared on that November walk (and why it changed everything)
• What my ex-husband said that I carried for 15 years like evidence
• Why I might not have been a "horrible wife" because I was broken—but because that role never fit
• What happened when my ex-boyfriend got engaged (and why I felt free instead of jealous)
• The Master's degree revelation that helped me distinguish cultural scripts from my own truth
• What changed when I finally said out loud: "I'm single at heart"

The Research Revelation:

• What "single at heart" actually means (and how it differs from counter-normative and peripheral identity)
• Bella DePaulo's research on people who live their best lives as single
• Why 29% of Gen X singles over 40 aren't seeking relationships or dates at all
• What happens when singles at heart imagine their ideal futures (spoiler: no partner at the center)
• How to tell the difference between core identity and avoidance (they look completely different)
• Why people who are single at heart reinterpret their entire relationship history

The Signs You Might Be Single at Heart:

• What it feels like when the seeking finally stops
• Why "I'm open to meeting someone" becomes an exhausting performance
• The relief of putting down the weight of "maybe someday"
• How your past "failures" look different when you realize you were in the wrong life structure

What I'm Not Telling You Here:

• The five-minute guided practice that reveals whether partnership is in your actual ideal future
• What dissolved completely when I claimed this identity (not just lessened—dissolved)
• Why living with my parents became a choice instead of evidence of failure
• The weight I didn't know I was carrying until I put it down

This Episode Answers:

• How do I know if I'm single at heart or just avoiding intimacy?
• What if I've had good relationships but they still felt wrong?
• Is it possible to love someone and still not want partnership?
• What happens when you stop keeping yourself "open" to something you don't actually want?
• Can being single really be who you ARE—not just what you're doing right now?

Key Research Sources:

• Kislev, E. (2023). Singlehood as an identity. Self and Identity
• DePaulo, B. (2014). A singles studies perspective on Mount Matrimony. Psychological Inquiry
• DePaulo, B. (2023). Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. Hachette Go.
• Thomson-DeVeaux, A. (2023). Americans are increasingly single and OK with it. FiveThirtyEight

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click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

There's a space between defending your singlehood and claiming it as permanent.

Where you can say "I'm happy single right now" without the tightness in your chest.

Where you're genuinely open to partnership—but not organizing your life around finding it.

This episode reveals what researchers call "peripheral identity"—and why it might be the most peaceful place you've ever been.

In This Episode:

What peripheral identity actually means (and why "fluid" is the key word)

The difference between positive and negative peripheral identity (both are legitimate)

Gen X data: 64% of singles ages 45-60 say they enjoy being single MORE than being in a relationship

The signs you've shifted: The defensive voice quiets, the comparison stops, and "I'm open to meeting someone" becomes genuinely true instead of defensive

What peripheral identity doesn't question (and why that matters for what comes next)

Key Research:

• Kislev, E. (2023). Singlehood as an identity. Self and Identity
• Thomson-DeVeaux, A. (2023). Americans are increasingly single and OK with it. FiveThirtyEight
• Eck, B. A. (2013). Single straight men negotiating definitions of single life. Symbolic Interaction

You Need This Episode If:

• The defensive voice has quieted but you're not sure what comes next
• You can say "I'm happy single" without needing to convince anyone
• You're genuinely open to partnership but not desperately seeking it
• You want to understand the difference between defensive hedging and authentic openness

The Two Types of Peripheral Identity:

Positive: "I'm single and genuinely content. I'm open to partnership if it shows up naturally, but I'm not holding my breath. My life feels full."

Negative: "I'm single and while I'm not in crisis about it, I do want partnership. I feel like something is missing. I'm working toward changing this, but I'm not panicking."

Both are peripheral. Both are fluid. Both are legitimate.

The difference? Whether you're content with singlehood as it is, or genuinely seeking to change it. But in both cases, the defense has dropped.

Singlehood as authentic identity, not a problem to solve.

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click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

Did you know that a simple 20-minute exercise routine could dramatically reduce your menopause symptoms? This episode reveals the science-backed approach that's changing how GenX women experience this transition.

Episode Highlights:

• Why traditional workout approaches fail menopausal women
• The surprising truth about estrogen's role beyond reproduction
• The "weird" 8:12 interval that's outperforming traditional exercise
• How women lost an average of 5.5 pounds without diet changes

The Game-Changing SIT Method:

What if you could reduce hot flashes, improve heart health, AND manage menopause weight gain with just 20 minutes, three times a week? Sprint Interval Training (SIT) is the research-backed approach that's specifically effective for menopausal women.

Here's the teaser: Women using SIT for just 8 weeks showed better results than those doing regular cardio for 40 minutes!

Want to Feel in Control Again?

Get my complete "Gen-X Menopause Sprint Interval" guide: CLICK HERE to access the Google Doc

Did You Know?

• Two-thirds of women experience disruptive hot flashes during menopause
• Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death in women, but only about half know they're at risk
• The menopausal transition can last 4-10 years (but you don't have to suffer through it!)

Connect With Me:

• Instagram: @thegirlwiththevinestattoo
• Email: intentionallysinglepodcast@gmail.com

Coming Next Week:

We're expanding beyond dating to explore all the relationships that shape our lives – because being intentionally single isn't about closing ourselves off, it's about building a life so full and rich that we don't NEED someone to complete us.

Research That's Changing the Game:

Knowledge, Attitudes, and Beliefs Regarding Cardiovascular Disease in Women

Menopause is a natural stage of aging: a qualitative study

Heart disease and stroke statistics—2019 update

Resistance training for hot flushes in postmenopausal women

Effects of resistance training on quality of life in postmenopausal women

The Effect of Sprint Interval Training on Body Composition of Postmenopausal Women

Hot flushes, hormone therapy and alternative treatments: 30 years of experience

Cardiovascular response of postmenopausal women to 8 weeks of sprint interval training

Disclaimer:

The information provided is based on scientific research and personal experience. Always consult with your healthcare provider before starting any new exercise program.

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

Welcome back to Intentionally Single Seeking Not Settling! This week we're exploring how your perfectly calibrated healing routines might be keeping love at bay without you even realizing it.

In This Episode:

• How your sacred "me time" might actually be functioning as a relationship blocker
• The 5 sneaky saboteurs hiding in your well-crafted routines
• The science behind midlife brain flexibility and emotional regulation
• My "Flexible Self-Care Framework" for creating wiggle room without sacrificing wellbeing
• Practical steps to assess which parts of your routine are truly essential vs. just comfortable habits

The 5 Sneaky Saboteurs:

1. The Comfort Zone Conflict: When your perfect evening routine feels like a guaranteed good time compared to the uncertainty of a date
2. The Logistics Nightmare: When dating disrupts the exact recovery routine you need to function the next day
3. The Home Sanctuary Protection: Reluctance to trade your perfectly calibrated home environment for the unknown
4. The Authenticity Overcorrection: Fearing any compromise means falling back into people-pleasing patterns
5. The Preemptive Detachment Pattern: Feeling relief when scheduling conflicts arise as an easy exit strategy

The Flexible Self-Care Framework:

Create your own inventory by dividing your healing practices into:

• Need to do: Non-negotiable practices that genuinely support core wellbeing
• Want to do: Enjoyable practices that enhance life but won't cause a meltdown if occasionally adjusted

For each practice, assess:

• Time Flexibility: Can it happen earlier or later in the day?
• Duration Flexibility: Can it be shortened occasionally?
• Location Flexibility: Does it need to happen in a specific place?

POWERFUL TRANSFORMATION AHEAD:

This week, download our "Flexible Self-Care Framework Worksheet" and:

• Create your personalized Self-Care Inventory
• Honestly assess what's truly essential versus nice-to-have
• Develop your own customized flexibility strategy
• Challenge yourself to modify one comfort habit slightly each day

Ready to Create More Flexibility in Your Self-Care?

Download the "Flexible Self-Care Framework Worksheet" here: CLICK HERE for your free worksheet

This practical guide will help you:

• Create your personalized Self-Care Inventory
• Assess what's truly essential versus nice-to-have
• Develop your own customized flexibility strategy
• Begin practicing small, manageable changes

Connect With Me:

• Instagram: @thegirlwiththevinetattoo
• Email: intentionallysinglepodcast@gmail.com

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

Remember when dating meant passing notes and landlines with cords stretched just far enough for privacy? Your brain might be stuck there too!

Introducing... The Hidden Brain Battle Sabotaging Your Dating Life After 40 (For you GenXers) – because your brain is fighting an internal war every time you swipe right.

Why this topic? Because in our teens and 20s, attraction was simple – we just knew if we were interested in someone. No mental checklist, no analyzing attachment styles, just butterflies and chemistry.

In this  episode, you'll discover:

• The invisible neural battle between your "wolf of love" and "wolf of fear"
• How decades of dating experience have strengthened your protection system
• Why you talk yourself out of promising connections before they begin
• The enormous cost of letting your protective brain win
• A three-step approach to mediating this internal conflict

THE GENERATIONAL CHALLENGE: Society told GenX we should have it all figured out by now. Being single after 40 can feel like we've failed at life's script – adding shame that further activates our protection system.

YOUR BRAIN'S CONFLICTING SYSTEMS:

• Connection System: The "wolf of love" – releases oxytocin and dopamine
• Protection System: The "wolf of fear" – activates your amygdala and triggers anxiety

FREE RESOURCE:  CLICK HERE to grab Mapping Your Neural Dating Patterns assessment at to identify your specific protection patterns. 

Here for you, Lauren Jean

P.S. Which system is driving your dating decisions? Share your experience on Instagram @thegirlwiththevinetattoo or email intentionallysinglepodcast@gmail.com.

Keep your heart open to possibilities! 💕

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

I've created a powerful self-hypnosis to help you release attachment to past love and open yourself to balanced connection.

Introducing... How to Get Over "The One That Got Away- A Healing Self-Hypnosis Session  – because the source of love has always been within you.

Why this meditation? Because releasing the energy imbalance created by idealizing a past relationship creates space for authentic love to flow freely in your life.

In this transformative meditation, you'll experience:

• A gentle eye fixation induction for deep relaxation
• Sensory awareness of where attachment lives in your body
• Visualization of excess potential releasing from your energy field
• The warmth of authentic, unconditional love from within
• Integration of new neural pathways for balanced connection

POWERFUL TRANSFORMATION MOMENTS:

• Feel where you hold attachment physically
• Visualize standing in a field of possibilities
• Experience your natural state of balanced energy
• Place your hand over your heart to activate self-love
• Walk a new path of loving without grasping

This guided practice helps you shift from idealization and attachment to balanced energy and unconditional love.

PRACTICE RECOMMENDATIONS: Return to this meditation whenever you notice yourself creating excess potential around a relationship. The more you practice, the more natural balanced love becomes.

Here for you, Lauren Jean

Keep your heart open to possibilities! 💕

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

If you've been convinced you've lost your "one chance" at real love, this episode could be your turning point.

Introducing... "If You Feel Like You LOST The One, Listen to this" – because this belief creates an energetic imbalance that actively blocks new love.

Why this topic? Because after my most intense, passionate relationship ended, I was completely heartbroken, believing he was "The One" and we'd eventually reconnect. Letting go of him was more painful than both my divorces.

In this healing episode, you'll discover:

• The concept of "excess potential" and how it creates an energetic blockage
• Why we idealize past relationships (even when we intellectually know better)
• The neuroscience behind why rejection literally hurts
• Why rushing into new relationships after a breakup rarely works
• How to love without expectation or attachment to outcomes

THE THREE CRITICAL MISTAKES:

1. Idealizing your past relationship while forgetting the real problems
2. Approaching love with expectation rather than simply loving
3. Confusing love with possession

BONUS NEXT EPISODE: The Detachment Method: Self-Hypnosis for Releasing Attachment to "The One" (repeat listening to daily for 21 days or more for the most effective results)

Here for you, Lauren Jean

P.S. Did this episode resonate with you? Take a screenshot and share it on Instagram, tagging me @thegirlwiththevinetattoo with your biggest takeaway!

Keep your heart open to possibilities! 💕

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

Have you ever had that moment when someone you were really into just... vanished? Three amazing dates, sparks flying everywhere, and then... nothing. Radio silence. In this eye-opening episode, I flip the script on rejection and reveal why those gut-punch moments of ghosting and unreturned texts might actually be the best thing to happen to your love life. Discover how to transform your relationship with rejection from a source of pain to a powerful catalyst for building unshakable self-worth.

In This Episode You'll Learn:

• Why rejection itself isn't the problem—it's what we make it mean about ourselves
• The evolutionary reason rejection feels so physically painful (it's hardwired into us!)
• A simple yet profound perspective shift that can make rejection powerless to hurt you
• The science behind why rejection and acceptance activate the same brain regions
• How living in constant fear of rejection leads us to compromise who we really are
• Real-life examples of how rejection often redirects us to much better paths
• A practical exercise to create new neural pathways for responding to rejection

Journal Prompt

Think about a rejection that still stings when you remember it. What specific story did you tell yourself about what this rejection meant about you? Maybe it was "I'm too much," "I'm not enough," or "There must be something wrong with me."

Now, consider an alternative interpretation – what might have been happening for the other person that had absolutely nothing to do with your worth? How would your dating life change if you approached rejection with curiosity instead of shame?

Resources Mentioned:

• Marisa Peer's book "Ultimate Confidence"
• Eleanor Roosevelt's quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
• Research from Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience on the brain's response to rejection

My Personal Rejection Story

I share my experience with "Jimmy" from Facebook Dating last summer—how we connected, dated three times, and then he slowly faded away after sharing he was unhappy with his job. I found myself checking my phone every fifteen minutes and questioning if I was too harsh or honest in my communication. This experience, while painful at the time, became another lesson in understanding that rejection is rarely personal.

Connect With Me:

• Instagram: @thegirlwiththevinetattoo
• Email your questions and topic ideas: intentionallysinglepodcast@gmail.com

Coming Next Week:

Listener Question Answered-"I'm Scared No One Will Ever Make Me Feel That Way Again – Now What??" 

Remember – you're not being rejected. You're being redirected to something better.

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

Let's talk about why those promising connections suddenly go cold – and why it might not be the rejection you think it is.

Introducing... They Seemed So Interested, Then Nothing: My Journey Through Dating Confusion – because understanding modern dating frustrations changes everything.

Why this topic? I've experienced this frustrating pattern myself – connecting with someone for weeks, enjoying great dates, and then watching the energy shift without explanation.

In this relatable episode, you'll discover:

• Why "if they wanted to, they would" oversimplifies modern dating realities
• The truth about those initial "non-stop texting" phases
• How misinterpreting "busy" creates unnecessary suffering
• What someone being "too busy" actually reveals about their priorities
• A simple communication approach that cuts through the uncertainty

KEY INSIGHT: Sometimes, when someone's behavior changes, it's not rejection – it's them showing tremendous respect by being honest about their capacity.

THE REAL COST OF MISINTERPRETATION:

• Creates unnecessary emotional suffering
• Damages self-esteem when it's not about you
• Causes you to miss potential meaningful connections
• This may lead to ignoring your own needs and boundaries

Next Week: "The Unexpected Gift of Rejection: Using Dating Feedback to Build Unshakeable Self-Worth"

Here for you, Lauren Jean

P.S. Have you been on either side of this situation? Share your story on Instagram @thegirlwiththevinetattoo with #IntentionallySingleNotSettling!

Keep your heart open to possibilities! 💕

Support the show

click the link and send a quick message to grab the latest download mentioned in the show!

The Science of Wonder: Why Looking Up at Stars Makes You More Attractive to Potential Partners"

Based on the Research Paper: "The Science of Awe" by The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley By Dr. Summer Allen White Paper prepared for the John Templeton Foundation

Discover the transformative power of awe in dating and relationships, backed by groundbreaking research from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center. Learn why moments of wonder might be more effective for finding love than traditional dating strategies.

KEY RESEARCH FINDINGS:

• Awe reduces stress hormone production
• Expands perception of available time
• Increases prosocial behavior
• Enhances presence and engagement
• Improves decision-making capacity

SCIENTIFIC BREAKDOWN:

1. Neurological Impact: 
   • Decreased activity in worry centers
   • Enhanced feel-good neurotransmitters
   • Improved cognitive flexibility
   • Increased social connection capacity
2. Behavioral Changes: 
   • Better listening abilities
   • Reduced self-preoccupation
   • Enhanced present-moment awareness
   • Improved relationship decisions

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS:

• Daily 15-minute "awe practices"
• Mindful nature engagement
• Wonder-based decision making
• Presence-enhancing exercises

INCLUDES:

• 3-minute Cosmic Perspective Reset meditation
• Research-based journal prompts
• Science-backed action steps
• Evidence-based coaching moments

References: Allen, S. (2018). The Science of Awe. Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Awe_FINAL.pdf

Contact: Instagram: @thegirlwiththevinetattoo

Email: intentionallysinglepodcast@gmail.com

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