If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes – Details, episodes & analysis

It's July somewhere, and that means it's finally time for Gimmick Month!! Niki has graciously taken point on engineering this year's gimmicks, starting off the 2025 season with PBS Week, which, of course, must include discussion of Little Richard, Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, video games on the roadshow, when you go "to see a thing and one of the people doesn't say anything," and folks? Somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.

Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Longtime best-friend and founding cast member LB Hunktears returns for a special episode full of surprises and adventure, as John, Niki and merritt walk LB through everything they've missed over the last few weeks, including Niki's plan to "do We Are the World again," Bane JNCOs, Frankenstein, the Spaceballs sequel, the latest issue of that AARP magazine Niki gets in the mail for some reason, jelqing, and dude, somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.

Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.social

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LB, Niki and John. You know them, you love them, and one of them was forced to do crowd work as a child, but you'll have to listen to find out which. We also learn about a certain someone's shameful gas buying habits ("Don't tell anyone I top off!"), the secret truth about escape rooms, a Sailor Scout you've never heard of, value-added fungus, and somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://bsky.app/profile/jordo.bsky.social) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to If You’re Gaming, Close Your Eyes, an esports discussion salon where our hosts LB, John and Niki tackle the latest announcements out of Nintendo, along with our review of Grimace's cum; thoughts on the movies Crash and Crash; whether Nic Cage is Italian or not; how familiar fame works; opinions about Goemon (Ganbare ver.); which Pokemon we would smoke; and bb, somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gimmick Month continues with The 2023 Corrections & Apologies Episode, wherein John, Niki and LB set the record straight on a number of falsehoods and misinformations they perpetrated over the course of the last year (rolling). Gonna be honest, some of these apologies aren't as sincere as I would have probably recommended, but when you make as few mistakes as these hosts do, you gotta take what you can get.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 6'11", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gimmick Month is here!! To kick things off Niki has invented a brand new game called White, White, White, or White, which seeks to determine which of our two white hosts -- LB and John -- is the whitest of the white! What is their relationship to boats? Can either of them name the primary cast of Sex and the City? Has anyone in their respective families ever owned a pickup truck? Find out!!

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LB, John and Niki engage in a new series of investigations and queries, including where nasal spray goes, sinus voyeurism, 3D-printing teeth, buying a house via fraud, a free logo that you can buy for $5 for your foots business, the lamp they want you to put your dick in, how many holes there are, a "smart" dental dam, and homie, somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, LB and Niki take off their weighted training clothes and reach conversational power levels heretofore only theorized during discussions of the new Gollum game, simple machines, whether the sun is "wet," Michael Strahan’s Million Hundred Dollar Pyramid, the new duck in New York, and my sweet, innocent listeners, so much more than you could possibly be ready for.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, Niki and LB phone in from their field assignments for another mission debriefing with headquarters, including a breakdown of John's latest public wheelchair-related incident, a spoiler-free minute on the new Zelda game, a look at the poster for some new movie about shoes, a discussion on whether blimps count as balloons, a brief consideration of when to tell your dog about Orson Scott Card, and homeslice, somehow even more.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, John and LB enter a vast and unknowable dreamscape of possibility, wherein they discuss The Good Doctor, creating jobs in the state of Ohio, how much water ChatGPT uses, dreaming about having an egg in your mouth, ancient dream dictionaries from the 1930s, TikTok cutting board misinformation, and homie, so much more that I am purposefully omitting so as to not spoil the punchline(s).

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.

Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).

Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving

Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.