Explore every episode of the podcast I Learned Nothing

Pat was feeling unique so Ben blasts his precious little perspective right out of the water by introducing him to the Twin Earth thought experiment. In one fell swoop, Ben destroys Pat's commitment to semantic internalism thanks to Hilary Putnam and his view that "meaning just ain't in the head." If you know anything about philosophy of language, you'll recognize this thought experiment for the earth shattering mental exercise that it is. If you know nothing about philosophy of language, FUCK YOU! Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling murderous so Ben tamps that rage with the devout moral reasoning of near-canonized Catholic saint and Wittgenstein acolyte Gertrude Elizabeth Margaret Anscombe. One of the big heavy hitters of Ordinary Language Philosophy and pioneer of Virtue Ethics, G.E.M. Anscombe started her career as a Catholic convert, then Wittgenstein's protege/favorite, then went toe-to-toe with the 20th Century's greatest mass murder, Harry S. Truman over his trigger-happy bombings of innocent civilians. CHECK IT OUT! Also check out our Patreon for Bonus Content: www.patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling haram, so Ben sat his infidel ass down and explained to him the groundbreaking philosophical developments unleashed by the Islamic world. Centuries before Christian thinkers like Thomas Aquinas and Albertus Magnus (Latin for Fat Albert) were even potty trained, Muslim philosophers from Spain to Persia shed a guiding light on the other wise very Dark Ages. This dream team includes the likes of Avicenna (Ibn Sina), Ibn Arabi, and Al Ghazali, who expounded on the metaphysical & philosophical underpinnings of the hottest new super-religion on the scene: Islam. Learn about the Tawwhid, Sufi mysticism, and Al Ghazali's nutty theory of occasionalism in this epic TWO PARTER! Buckle up, buttercup, and don't forget to check out our Patreon (patreon.com/ILearnedNothing) for some sweet sweet extra credit.

Pat was feeling pretty self-conscious so Ben explains it's because of all his damn Qualia, stupid! Qualia is a concept in philosophy of mind referring to that mushy notion of what it's like to experience something, like the color red, the smell of wet ham, or feeling cool as hell. It's that certain je ne sais quois of how life feels as our subjective consciousness navigates the objective world. Do they only apply to emotions? Sense-data? Can they be further applied to thoughts, memories? Some cheeky pricks (*cough* Daniel Dennett *cough*) don't even believe they exist? Can you believe that? So tune in folks. Keep on thinking hard. Oh also patreon.com/ILearnedNothing for more stuff.

Pat was feeling trapped so Ben tuned him on to the wacky linguistic thought experiment developed by Ben's Main Man Ludwig Wittgenstein. Are humans capable of having a private language? Not just shibboleth for your crew but a private language only YOU know about? Wittgenstein says NO, you idiot. And it has something to do with a beetle in a box. Fuck you.

Pat was feeling sluggish so Ben ramps him up to accept the new outrun philosophy of Accelerationism all over his face. The WisdomBois begin with a quick recap of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guatarri's theory of deterritorialization and cap it off with a snappy rundown of Marx's thoughts on Late Capitalism and its prophesied self-destruction before exploring Accelarationism's darker, right-wing side espoused by British philosopher/twat Nick Land. This one's a wild one so strap in. We love you. Also, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing.

Pat was feeling shrewd so Ben clued him in on the HOTTEST ethical theory of the past 3 centuries: Utilitarianism! That's right folks. Ben and Pat are tackling Utilitarianism and you better believe it's a motherfucking two-parter. Conceived by the debauched mind of Jeremy Bentham and developed by English philosopher, MP, and fiend John Stuart Mill, Utilitarian is a consequrentialist theory of morality that operates under the central axiom that "it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong." Seems legit right? Except when you explore specific scenarios that highlight "the greater good" at the expense of individual dignity and suffering. Would you kill an innocent person to save the world? What if that person was your mom, you sick fuck? That's Utilitarianism. Strap in!

Pat once trusted the bedrock reliability of logic so Ben went ahead and shattered that nonsense by teaching him about The Liar's Paradox, the oldest, most stubborn, and most infuriating logical paradox in the history of paradoxes, SON! Check THIS out: "This sentence is false." Is the preceding sentence true? Or false? If it's true, then it's false. If it's false, then it's true. What the?! Tune in to find out how mad Pat get's as we try to solve this humdinger. Also, for more truth, knowledge, and righteousness, check out our Patreon: www.patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Folks! Put on some sunscreen and pull out your floaties because Pat & Ben are taking you on a tropical, aquatic adventure! We're releasing one of our COVETED Patreon episodes so you can get a taste of what you've been missing. In this installment, Pat teaches Ben about possibly the most ludicrous experiment in the history of science. What happens when you mix a loony neuroscientist, a 22 year old intern, 3 dolphins, and the 1960s in a house full of water? Listen to find out! Spoilers: It gets very erotic. And, for just $5 a month, you can access hard-hitting exposés like this one every single week. Well how about that? Just join our Patreon at patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling epiphanic so Ben brings him into the fold. The Religious Fold, that is! Don't worry. We haven't gone religious. But Pat couldn't help ask: What does is it all mean, Basil? And why is God involved? It seems that we as humans always need to talk about the Great Beyond, even if (or especially because) we claim to not believe in it. What a world! Listen in as Ben and Pat talk about what and why we believe in Him, Her, They, It and whatever you call Religion! (tl;dr Roman Catholicism is the correct religion.)

Pat was feeling empathetic so Ben continues to interrogate Pat about his thoughts on Artificial Intelligence and their capacity to feel. Do androids dream of electric sheep? Or will their thoughts be lost in time like tears in rain? Also, in a stunning twist, Ben presents Pat with a thought experiment involving love, betrayal, friendship, and Allen Iverson (AI). Listen in to the epic conclusion of our AI ethics.

Pat was feeling esoteric so Ben's coming in hot with a spiritual alternative to the dry, academic Western philosophy he's been torturing Pat with for the past 4 years. That's right. Holy shit. It's been 4 years of this. Thanks for listening? Anyway! Ben teaches Pat about Rudolf Steiner, a German philosopher turned cult leader who founded the spiritual/esoteric practice called Anthroposophy. Steiner believed wholeheartedly in a spiritual dimension not hitherto accessed by the Western scientific tradition and intended to access that dimension with Western reasoning, Eastern spiritual practice, and a dash of dubious crypto-Nazi race science for good measure. It gets weird. Don't blame me. Pat picked the topic.

Pat was feeling self-conscious so Ben opens his eyes to the wild and wonderful world of universal consciousness. In our latest episode, Ben teaches Pat about hottest new philosophy since Existentialism: Panpsychism. Have you ever suspected that trees feel pain? That rocks can yearn? That your toilet plots revenge? If so, then Panpsychism is for you! Listen to find out why.

Pat was feeling inauthentic so he calls on Benjamin C. Cholok, sygil of authenticity himself, to summon the horny spirit of Jean Paul Sartre once again and wrest Pat's struggling spirit from the yawning jaws of bad faith once and for all. Dramatic, no? Listen in for the full picture! Dao you doin?

Pat was feeling existential AGAIN so Ben brings out the big guns: the stinkiest, most wall-eyed Frenchman this side of the 20th Century, Jean-Paul Sartre. King of Existentialism, widely acclaimed philosopher and writer, and all-around prankster, Jean-Paul Sartre features heavily in this two-part episode about himself. To understand him is to understand teenagers everywhere. Enjoy!

Pat was feeling asynchronous so Ben sets his ass straight with a few mINd BeNdInG TIME TRAVEL PARADOXES. Hoo boy, is this one a doozy. Thanks for listening and remember to check out our Patreon to get bonus episodes for $5/month. C'maaaaaannnnnn. Also, buy Kyrgies slippers for those filthy feet of yours: kyrgies.com. Use ILK @ checkout for 15% OFF.

Pat was feeling despondent so Ben perks him up with the cheery, not-at-all-controversial philosophy of antinatalism. In a nutshell, this theory argues that with all the suffering and pain life brings, it's unethical to bring new people into the world, both because of the inevitable risks of being alive plus the fact that it's inherently a non-consensual act. And then you die! A philosophy for surly teenagers everywhere, it was most vocally supported by Romanian writer and hit at parties Emil Cioran. Listen in to learn more!

Pat was feeling KINDA BLUE so Ben floors him with the absolutely jazzy color theory of hep cat/philosopher Nelson Goodman and his controversial theory of Grue. Grue is a new color Goodman invented but it's also an innovative new critique of the Problem of Induction. How do we confirm that something is green if we also no that those green things will become grue after time t? Then how do we confirm that anything is green after time t if they were blue? What if they were blue before time t? Ugh, never mind, just listen to the episode. Pat gets mad. Buy Kyrgies. Check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing. Fuck you.

Folks! We're releasing YET ANOTHER free Pat-reon Bonus Episode, piping hot and fresh from the vault!! Pat was feeling a little “down under” so he flips the script and teaches Ben a thing or two about a thing or two. In this installment, we learn about Australia’s Great Emu War of 1932, easily one of the most humiliating military engagements in modern history. Listen to learn who won! And if you want more, join our Patreon for just $5 a month. We love you.

Pat was feeling gaslit, so Ben clears the air by introducing philosophy's savior of common sense: G. E. Moore. As one third of the Triumvirate of analytic philosophy (including the pervert Bertrand Russell and closet-case Ludwig Wittgenstein), G.E. Moore spearheaded the revolt in British philosophy against the oppressive yoke of German Idealism and ushering in the current analytic turn we see today. He also called bullshit on dogmatic skepticism with his "proof" of an external world: Here's one hand and here's the other. And boy howdy did the skeptics ever catch those hands, nawmean?

Pat was feeling naughty so Ben tempts him with a comprehensive discussion of the ancient concept of Evil. Evil as a moral or ethical notion has plagued us and bewitched us since we as a species could first distinguish right or wrong. Evil is fundamental, primordial, and horrifying. The Eldritch entity of ethical concepts, the term "Evil" has been applied to people, actions, motives, and institutions throughout history. Some people, however, don't even think it exists. Isn't that nuts? Let's dirty, folks. Also, we have a new promo code for our terrific sponsors at Kyrgies! Use ILK at checkout to get 15% OFF every purchase you make! Wow. What a country.

Pat was feeling pretty satisfied with himself on his precious little birthday so Ben decides to dash his spirits with the Internet 2.0's hottest new meme paradox: Roko's Basilisk. Roko's Basilisk is a thought experiment outlined in 2010 by SOME GUY on SOME BLOG that has disturbed nerds and lurkers alike, causing some to even have nervous breakdowns. Imagine a powerful AI that retroactively punishes all those humans who don't actively contribute to it's creation once knowing about it. Now that I told you about it, you are now a potential victim to an eternity of digital Hell if you don't actively participate in helping the AI. So, now...what do you do? You're welcome!

Pat was feeling loquacious as usual so Ben takes this opportunity to lay out the nuanced and penetrating philosophy of British nerd/superspy JL Austin. This guy is famous for being one of the most original philosophers of the 20th Century, focusing mainly on language and its role in constructing our very reality. Austin's main contribution was his theory of Speech Acts -- how utterances in our language constitute more than just propositions describing states of affairs, but also serve as actions that penetrate reality itself. Trippy. Also, this guy worked for British intelligence during World War 2 and most likely provided the crucial intelligence needed to ensure the success of D-Day. So he also kinda saved the world. Good for you, JL!

Pat was feeling sleepy so Ben regales him with one of the most infuriating thought experiments of all time: The Sleeping Beauty Problem. Concocted by Ben's very own thesis adviser Professor Adam Elga (seriously), The Sleeping Beauty Problem was submitted to the world in 2000 and it has boggled minds ever since. Listen to the episode to hear the full scenario, but here let it be asked: Are you a Halfer? Or a Thirder? We all hate this.

Pat and Ben were both feeling sad, confused, and powerless, so Ben drives that feeling home by discussing the troubling and disheartening political philosophy of contemporary Italian political theorist Giorgio Agamben. Tying together several disparate threads from both ancient and modern political traditions, Agamben distills his unique view on modern politics into his best known theories of the State of Exception and Homo Sacer. In this episode, Ben attempts to connect Agamben's thought to the very real events we're experiencing today, including COVID-19 and the latest wave of #BlackLivesMatter protests. Stay safe out there everyone! #ACAB

We're releasing a free Pat-reon, putos!! Pat had laryngitis a while back so Ben invites friend of the show, comic extraordinaire, and host of Avery and Adam's Christmas Committee: The Podcast Avery Moore to teach him about the arcane topic of the Air Buddies Universe. Strap in bitches, because this one's gooder'n hell.  And if you want more, join our Patreon for just $5 a month. Also, check out Mr. Dogg herself, Avery Moore (@AveryReedMoore) for more hilarity!

Pat was feeling saucy so Ben tantalizes him with a stirring discussion of podcast favorite Friedrich Nietzsche's self-effacing autobiography Ecce Homo, which is Latin for "Behold the Homo." Nah, just playing. Joining in on the third mic is comedian, carpet cleaner, and Professor of  Culinary Arts at Columbia University Lando Shepard. The three intrepid lads discuss Nietzsche's work, the chapters of which are titled "Why I Am So Wise", "Why I Am So Clever", and "Why I Write Such Good Books." Seriously, that's he called them. It's nuts. Have a listen, will ya?

Pat was feeling socially distanced so Ben keeps him company as they take a dip in a rather steamy topic: Sex AND Power. As the world reels from the Great Cough of 2020, the WisdomBois talk all things Foucault, focusing specifically on the complex relationship between sex, power, and knowledge, under the avuncular gaze of King Daddy himself: Michel Foucault. Also, since we're all struggling, and if you enjoy the podcast, any little bit helps. If you Venmo $5 to @PatDeanRules, Pat will send you 4 (yes, FOUR!) Patreon episodes if you include your email with your donation. It's a deal, it's a steal, it's a desperate call for help. Thanks!

Pat was feeling nihilistic so Ben calls for back up. Who does he call? Well he's forced to call the Kopswa of course! In these absurd, trying times, Ben decides the perfect antidote is to teach Pat about French existentialist (don't call me that!) and human ashtray Albert Camus, with the help of fellow Austin comic and actual Nobel Prize winner Derek Kopswa. In Episode 122, they discuss life, love, death, and despair while the world burns around them. Wait a minute...What happened to Episode 121? Well, you'll just have to join our Patreon to find out! --> patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling interpellated so Ben briefs him on the updated Marxist philosophy of the EXTREMELY cancelled French theorist Louis Althusser. Ben spills the tea with Pat about the life and writings of the most tormented son of a bitch in 20th Century French thought. Raised as a nice Catholic boy, Louis took an interest in philosophy early. Unfortunately, his academic career was interrupted when he was suddenly drafted in 1940, immediately captured, and imprisoned as a Nazi POW for the entirety of the war. Then, in 1980, he murdered his wife. He also wrote some philosophy in the middle there. The French, amirite?

Pat was feeling privileged so Ben dives into the nebulous concept that makes Our Country Great: our God-given Rights. Turns out this talk couldn't have come sooner, since 30 minutes in, Pat confuses the FIRST TWO AMENDMENTS in a blooper for the ages. Ben teaches Pat about who has rights, where they come come from and what actions they cover, all the while enduring the distracting snores of Pat's roommate and Mother of Tim, Victoria, who decided to fall asleep on the floor of the living room for some reason. What a country!

Pat was feeling parsimonious so Ben clues him into the cutting edge philosophy of Medieval thinker/virgin William of Okham. Known primarily for his eponymous dictum, Okham's Razor, Willie O also made a name for himself as a nominalist, borderline heretic, and for pissing off the Pope, whom he called out as a member of the one percent. Ben checks Pat on his wanton invocation of Okham's Razor, but in the end, the WisdomBois shake hands and enjoy a good laugh, secure in their knowledge that, since they're both Catholic, they won't be spending eternity in the fires of Hell.

Pat was feeling forward-thinking so Ben dashes all hopes of that with a survey of one of the simplest yet confounding thought experiments in recent philosophy: The Repugnant Conclusion. Based on the writings of late British philosopher/madlad Derek Parfit, The Repugnant Conclusion is the end result of taking Utilitarianism's commitment to maximizing happiness to its logical conclusion. If it's our goal to increase the amount of happiness in the world, it's our duty to maximize the number of lives possible who can experience a small measure of happiness, even if it means these new lives would overall live in misery. How does that make sense? It doesn't! But we can't avoid it! Oh well.

Pat was feeling like the center of the Universe so Ben validates that feeling by teaching him about the controversial Anthropic Principle. As if balking at our improbable existence in this hostile Universe weren't anguishing enough, scientists have started pointing out how the very fact of us observing the Universe is stupid enough to doubt the randomness of the BIG BANG. This means that some of these heathen eggheads are leaving room for the possibility of a designer, which is leaving many a physicist butt-hurt and confused.

Pat was feeling quantifiable so Ben comes in hot with some theories about numbers, and boy is Pat peeved. In what might be the yelliest episode of I Learned Nothing to date, Ben and Pat scream about math for about an hour and a half. Like a fool, Ben convinces himself that he can enlighten Pat on some of the most pressing and troubling questions surrounding the discipline of mathematics, such as the reality of numbers, why this domain of knowledge is so known for its unimpeachable certainty, and why Pat gets so pissed off when Ben brings it up.

Pat was feeling chauvinistic so Ben sets him straight with the revolutionary existentialism of post-colonial philosopher Frantz Fanon. Born in the overseas French department of Martinique in the Lesser Antilles, Frantz Fanon grew up knowing first-hand the degradation of colonial oppression and racism. After training as a clinical psychiatrist and mingling with French titans of existentialism, Fanon published his own theories on racism and its effects on the lived, phenomenological experience of marginalized populations throughout the colonial world. Then he abruptly died of leukemia at the age of 36, in Bethesda, MD of all places. Yikes!

Pat AND Ben were feeling generous so they've unleashed a Patreon episode on the world for FREE! Ep. 9 of our Pat-Treon Experiment is now free to the public. Introducing His Imperial Majesty Joshua Norton I, Emperor of the United States, Protector of Mexico, and absolute raving lunatic who wandered the streets of 19th century San Francisco. Tune in to hear Pat turn the tables on Ben and teach him a thing or two about a thing or two. Just $5 a month for a BONUS episode every week. Pat teaches Ben about a topic of his choosing and Ben has to sit there and take it lol.

Pat was feeling pragmatic so Ben teaches him the All-American philosophy of William James. James' prolific career and work spanned many diverse topics, such as the philosophy of religion, epistemology, and the foundations of psychology. More than Sigmund Freud, James had a lasting influence on the actual science of psychology, all without having to resort to bonkers theories about child sexuality and our secret desire to fuck our own dads. He also made an essential contribution to the development of Pragmatism, a theory of truth that bluntly posits the notion that truth is whatever works. What's that mean? Listen to find out, stupid!

Pat was feeling misogynistic (again) so Ben had to even the scales by bringing in Gender Studies expert and Pat's certifiably insane roommate Victoria Tyler to help teach Pat how to not hate women. Join Vic and Ben as they clumsily explain to Pat the social & political theories of American philosopher & radical feminist Judith Butler. By walking through the main points in Butler's magnum opus Gender Trouble, Ben reveals to Pat how gender is socially constructed and determined primarily by the cultural pressures we feel while navigating a fraught social life. Also Vic chimes in every once in a while!

Pat was feeling conflicted so Ben sorts him out by analyzing the Problem of Dirty Hands. If you’ve ever seen an episode of 24, you’ll be more than familiar with this classic ethical dilemma/tired plot device. If not, it goes kind of like this: As leader of a country or community facing an existential threat to its very survival, do you violate well-established moral norms in order to avoid complete annihilation? At what point do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? Ben & Pat examine several real-world scenarios and conclude that it’s OK to do something “not tight” for a larger, “tighter” outcome.

Pat was feeling complacent so Ben charges in with the perfect remedy: A rousing recitation of Nietzsche’s famous doctrine of the Eternal Recurrence. If you had to live your life again exactly as you’ve lived it so far over and over again for eternity, would you curse God or thank him? And what would you do differently now? Huh? Punk? Ben and Pat also get distracted by news of an upcoming fried chicken festival. All in all, a successful episode.

Pat was feeling absolute about space & time so Ben took him down a peg by explaining the Theory of Relativity. Developed by internationally renowned German-American physicist/sex addict Albert Einstein, the special and general theories of relativity have fundamentally altered our understanding of spacetime, light, gravity, and Big Dick Energy since the beginning of the 20th Century. Pat has to confront the fact that time is indeed a son of a bitch, and he’s not happy about it.

Pat was feeling like half a momo, so Ben introduces him to the very Eye-talian flavor of Marxism developed by Antonio Gramsci. Gramsci started as a pizza chef, then became a master plumber with his brother, Luigi. In order to learn this trade, he became a trade unionist before converting fully to Marxism. He redefined Western Marxism by introducing novel concepts like Cultural Hegemony and the Base v. Superstructure dichotomy. He wrote extensively about Marxist theory while imprisoned by Mussolini for the last 11 years of his life. Mamma Mia!

Pat was feeling Middle Eastern so Ben brings in a foreign correspondent to talk about the Islamic World’s Biggest Intellectual Daddy, Avicenna. Pittsburgh Professor of Near Eastern Studies/infirm veteran Mitch Mekulsia joins the WisdomBoyz in a heated discussion about the man who brought Aristotle to Europe, no matter how much Europeans hate to admit it.

Pat was feeling Gallic so Ben comes at him with the guy who started it all. Not just French philosophy, but the Modern Western Tradition as we know it. Rectifying an oversight that has plagued the podcast for decades, Ben & Pat finally talk about the Daddy of Modern Philosophy himself: René "Sit on my face" Descartes. The WisdomBois discuss Descartes' contributions to Western thought, such as his Rationalist approach to knowledge, and developing the first version of the Brain in the Vat thought experiment. The Bois then cap it all off with the phrase that pays: I Think Therefore I Am, Bitch.

Pat was feeling dubious so Ben delivers a crash course in the Pyrrhonian Skepticism of Ancient Greek philosopher/dilettante Sextus Empiricus. This is one of the few episodes where Pat picked the topic. Can you guess why? Anyway, Sextus Empiricus AKA The Sex Man lived and wrote sometime in the 2nd or 3rd centuries AD. His main contribution is his commitment to a notably strict form of skepticism that holds you can't hold ANY beliefs about anything so long as there are any points for and against that position. Very Zen. Also, fittingly, no one knows anything about the guy.

Pat was feeling rapturous so Ben unveils the mystical philosophy of manic pixie wisdom girl Simone Weil and in so doing thoroughly bums Pat out. How, you ask? By summarizing her intense life story along with the philosophical thoughts it engendered. Simone Weil was born Jewish in Paris, France in 1909, and died Insane in London, England in 1943, aged 34 years old. In those 34 years, she wrote about ethics, God, sacrifice, and love for one's fellow (wo)man, all while trying as hard as she could to die in battle fighting Fascists. She ruled and it sucks she died so young. At least Pat liked her.

Pat was feeling confident in what he thinks he knows so Ben dashes that assumption by introducing Pat to the table-flipping thought experiments known as Gettier Problems. The infamous Gettier Problems were contrived by the notorious sad boi of modern analytical philosophy, Edmund Gettier. Gettier debuted his shitty though experiments in a 3-page paper he only submitted to avoid being fired. Little did he know that these three pages COMPLETELY UPENDED our understanding of knowledge and has tormented epistemologists ever since. Also, he's from Baltimore, which Pat LOVES.

Pat was feeling hyperreal so Ben explains the wasted landscape described by French postmodernist/fuckboi Jean Baudrillard. This ham-faced prick identified the extent to which we live in a simulated reality constructed by the exchange of empty symbols tenuously supported by the unjustified foundation of capitalism. This dude inspired The Matrix but not in the way you think. Instead of a computer simulation, we live in an economic simulation, where everything is alright (hypernormal) but actually draining us of life, love, and meaning. Goooooood God.

Pat was feeling anti-authoritarian so he and Ben dive into the history and philosophy of the funnest of all political ideologies: Anarchism. NO GODS, NO MASTERS, BABAYYY! We've killed our parents and we're having ice cream for dinner every night. The WisdomBoyz learn about an iconoclastic crew of thinkers, such as Pierre Joseph Proudhon, Mikhail Bakunin, and Emma Goldman, all of whom inspired generations of 14-year-old vandals desperate to dismantle the authority & power of the State. Abolish ICE. All Cops Are Bastards #ACAB