Several months ago, Sarah told her best friend John she’s in love with him—but he doesn’t love her back. Now Sarah can’t get John out of her head, especially because they still talk all the time. How can Sarah move on from John? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and the author of Anatomy of Love, to help Sarah train her heart—and her brain—to fall out of love. The first thing Sarah needs to do, Helen says, is cut off contact with John. Every time she sees him, it reactivates her brain circuitry for romantic love. And as beautiful as their friendship may be, it’s holding Sarah back from finding her true love.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Propose (to a Man).” Do you have a problem in your love life? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now.

Kate’s entire family loves to go on intense, day-long hikes. Kate does not. It’s just one of many differences that makes her feel like a black sheep. But Kate desperately wants to be close to her family—without disregarding her own desires or compromising on parts of her life. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Dr. Lucy Blake, author of No Family Is Perfect: A Guide to Embracing the Messy Reality. Lucy helps Kate find her way to a family unity that works for everyone, while also learning to celebrate their differences.   If you liked this episode check out: How To Deal With a Difficult Parent Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Meg once was a terror in the world of roller derby. But these days, her sedentary lifestyle is making everyday physical activities a tad daunting. (We’re looking at you, groceries that need to be carried up four flights of stairs!). She wants to start lifting weights, but she’s unsure where to start—and whether she can avoid the bro-culture of many weight rooms. On this episode of How To!: Courtney Martin brings in writer and powerlifter Mikala Jamison, who was in Meg’s shoes not that long ago. She shares how she got started, why lifting is a lifelong journey, and what we can learn from the current zeitgeist for women’s strength training. Resources mentioned:  Mikala’s Substack, Body Type  Book with simple lifting guide Fitness trainer Meg Gallagher on Instagram If you liked this episode check out: How To Be Free Of Body Shame or How To Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Today we’re going to see if one American family can flip the usual, tortured and tedious script for arguing about politics and do something more interesting. Jenn and Todd Brandel sit down with their dad, Bruce, to see if they can come to a better understanding about what has shaped their different political views. Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times, is back to provide some insightful post-game analysis. In this second episode of our special two-part series, she breaks down what went well, what got a little messy, and what we can all apply to our own conversations with loved ones.  Listen to the first part of our series: “How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Pt 1” If you liked this episode, you might also like: “How To Rescue Someone From a Conspiracy Theory.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Jenn and Todd Brandel have a close, loving relationship with their father, Bruce. But one thing makes their blood boil: his political chain emails. The messages are often forwarded commentary written in a provocative tone, and are an unwelcome reminder of just how far apart the family is politically. On this episode of How To!, we’re joined by Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. In the first of a special two-part episode on talking politics with our parents, Mónica teaches Jenn and Todd how to aim for understanding with their dad, not agreement. Next week, Jenn, Todd, and their dad Bruce will put these tips into practice—on mic—around the kitchen table, as Mónica provides post-game analysis. We’ll dive into what worked, what got a little messy, and how to keep making progress. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season” and “How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Thanks Avast.com! Learn more about Avast One at Avast.com

Becca is 6-feet tall, bold and strong-willed. She’s also easily startled and paralyzed by fear — even a children’s haunted house can reduce her to tears. In this episode of How To!, we bring in sociologist Margee Kerr, author of Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear, to give us the lowdown on surviving scary situations. Can making fear more fun help Becca overcome her startle reflex in time for Halloween? Do you have a problem that needs solving? Have you found the advice on our podcast helpful? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work.

If you’ve ever vacationed on the beaches of Delaware, chances are you drove right by Smyrna. It’s a small but charming town that’s been bypassed by the main highways. Which is why Mike, a small business owner on the town council, wants to create a spectacular, engaging roadside attraction to tempt tourists into town. The only snag? He doesn’t know what to actually build. On this episode of How To!, we bring on roadside attraction aficionado Erika Nelson. She’s the creator of The World’s Largest Collection of the World’s Smallest Versions of the World’s Largest Things. She’s also an artist who helps towns like Smyrna develop their own car-stopping attractions. She decodes the magic of the most wondrous roadside attractions and explains why hosting a Guinness world record-holding object is not the only key to success. You also have to tell a good story. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Convince People to Give You Money.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work.

After three decades of marriage, Bernadette wasn’t exactly blindsided when Rodney asked for a divorce. Things had been rocky for awhile, but she always assumed they’d live the rest of their lives “unhappily ever after.” Now Bernadette is facing an uncertain future, wondering how she’s going to navigate her new life socially, emotionally, and financially. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, author of Light on the Other Side Of Divorce: Discovering the New You, and host of the podcast The Divorce Doctor. She helps Bernadette formulate a plan for keeping things civil, and handling everything from personal finances to awkward inquiries from well-meaning friends.  If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Save Your Marriage,” “How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship,” and “How To Reconnect With Your Kid After a Nasty Divorce.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Thanks Avast.com! Learn more about Avast One at Avast.com

When Dana and Luke first started dating at the office they kept their relationship a secret. Most of their colleagues didn’t know they were a couple until they got engaged. They didn’t want any undue pressure or outside judgment. That’s because Dana is a proud Black, Ghanaian woman from central Florida and Luke is a white man from Kansas. Dana’s wondering how she can preserve her identity while they absorb each others’ family traditions. On this episode of How To!, guest host Hélène Biandudi Hofer brings on Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out. All three discuss the struggles and joys in their respective interracial marriages.  If you want to learn more about Dana’s work, check out AfroLA.  If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Beat Your Hidden Biases.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work.

College application season is approaching fast—too fast—for 16-yr old Maya and her mother, Melissa. The problem? Maya has no idea where to go or what to study. It doesn’t help that there are thousands of schools to choose from, and little transparency about their true cost. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Ron Lieber, New York Times money columnist and author of The Price You Pay for College. He shows Maya how to narrow down the list of potential colleges by asking insightful questions of the schools and, ultimately, yourself. Then he talks to Melissa about how to pay for it without harming the rest of the family’s finances.  Ron’s questions for parents:  What do you remember your parent or parents saying to you the first time they talked about what college would cost and what, if anything, they would pay? Or if there was silence around the topic of paying for college, what did it speak? How much was your parent or your parents willing to pay for your education? How did you feel about that?  If your parents paid your way, is it possible that you should not feel obligated to do the same, given how much the world has changed? And if your parents paid nothing, have you asked yourself whether 15 years of extreme thrift starting now (or going deep into debt 15 years from now to pay for your child’s first-choice college) may not erase whatever pain lingers from that period long ago -- or may create new conflict with your spouse and kids? How much might you be willing to borrow -- or delay repayment of your own student loans? How long are you willing to delay retirement to meet this goal? If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Raise a Future College Athlete.”  Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.   If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work.

When Trish first started working in corporate recruiting, she had wonderful co-workers, a supportive manager, opportunities for growth—it was “bliss.” But the bliss evaporated in 2020 when she got laid off during the pandemic. She’s since found a different job in the same field, but also decided to try her hand at teaching pilates part-time. Now, after burning the candle at both ends, Trish is burned out and unsure of the best path forward. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Nathan and Susannah Furr, authors of The Upside of Uncertainty. They have some useful tools to help Trish—and all of us—find our footing in uncertain times.  If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Bounce Back From Burnout” and “How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Thanks Avast.com!

In the second of a two-part episode on reimagining the news we continue our conversation with Nicole Lewis, Senior Editor of Jurisprudence at Slate, and a longtime reporter on the criminal justice beat; and David Bornstein, co-founder/CEO of the Solutions Journalism Network, and former contributor to the New York Times’ Fixes column. The discussion picks up where we left off on how journalists can regain the trust of their audience, and how news consumers can find stories that inspire hope, agency and dignity — our democracy may depend on it. Resources:  https://trustingnews.org https://wearehearken.com https://results.org If you liked this episode, check out Part 1: “How To Unbreak the News” Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.   Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

About five or six years ago, host Amanda Ripley started noticing that her normal news diet left her feeling depleted and depressed. She tried mixing up her news habits, even avoiding it for awhile, but nothing helped. It felt like a shameful secret. Shouldn’t journalists love consuming the news? She began to wonder, is it me....or is it the news itself? On this episode of How To!, the first of two parts, we’ll hear from several of our listeners who feel the same way. We’ll also talk with Nicole Lewis, Senior Editor of Jurisprudence at Slate, and a longtime reporter on the criminal justice beat; and David Bornstein, co-founder/CEO of the Solutions Journalism Network, and former contributor to the New York Times’ Fixes column. Together they’ll discuss how the news became so broken, and how we can put it back together again.  Resources:  Solutions Story Tracker® Fear of Rampant Crime Is Derailing New York City’s Recovery by Fola Akinnibi and Raeedah Wahid I stopped reading the news. Is the problem me — or the product? by Amanda Ripley Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.   Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

After Lin met Dave, their lives quickly became entangled. Lin joined Dave’s small business, made much-needed improvements, and charmed Dave’s family. The two also began a romantic relationship that lasted years. When it fizzled, Lin continued working at the company—and eventually uncovered Dave’s lies, deceit, and infidelity. On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace welcomes Nina Renata Aron, author of Good Morning, Destroyer of Men’s Souls, to share her own experience exiting a toxic, codependent relationship and explain how she came to terms with it. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When Clare decided on a resolution for the year, she was looking for a new challenge. Instead of running a marathon like her partner, Clare—who “talks for a living”—decided to go completely silent. She signed up for a silent retreat. But as it approached, she wondered how she could possibly go an entire week without speaking. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Daniel Thorson of the Monastic Academy in Vermont and host of the podcast, Emerge. Daniel has spent over a year of his life in silent meditation, including a 75 day silent retreat at the beginning of the pandemic. He says his first silent retreat was the worst experience of his life — just what Clare wanted to hear — but there’s a reason he kept going back. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Quiet the Chatter in Your Head and How To Sleep with Headspace’s Andy Puddicombe.   Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When Swiss Ambassador Jacques Pitteloud moved to Washington DC, his residence was perfect. Too perfect. The Swiss ambassador’s residence sits on six acres on a hill with an awesome view of the Washington Monument. “I was amazed by the beauty of the whole setting…It looked like a golf course and I don't like golf courses… they are ecological disasters,” Ambassador Pitteloud reflected. Together with his gardening team, the Ambassador has transformed the residence into a native oasis. On this episode of How To!, we’re taking a field trip to the Swiss Ambassador’s residence. Ambassador Pitteloud reveals how he brought back his beloved birds and even gave diplomatic immunity to local colonies of bees.  We talked last week with Doug Tallamy, who gave some wonderfully concrete advice on how you can revitalize your local ecosystem with just your yard. Ambassador Pitteloud is a living testament that you can have a meaningful impact with just your yard and he’s impoloring others to follow suit. “Environmental protection has become ideological and politicized. This is not a political question… It's 5 minutes before midnight.”  Resources:  Homegrown National Park Nature's Best Hope: A New Approach to Conservation That Starts in Your Yard Audubon Native Plants Database National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder SEEK by iNaturalist If you liked this episode, check out part one: “How To Save the Planet, Starting With Your Yard.” Also check out our episode "How to (Really) Help Refugees," as mentioned at the end of the show. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

In the last 24 years, Judy has moved approximately 16 times for her husband’s military career. But her family has finally settled down in a lovely house with a yard near Annapolis, Maryland. Now Judy is hoping to transform her outdoor space into something that’s beautiful and environmentally friendly. On this episode of How To!, Doug Tallamy explains why, now more than ever, we need people like Judy to plant native species in order to revive our ecosystem. He has some surprisingly easy tips for replacing your grass (take that, lawn mower!), finding plants that pollinators will love, and even getting rid of those pesky mosquitoes.  Resources:  Homegrown National Park Nature's Best Hope: A New Approach to Conservation That Starts in Your Yard Audubon Native Plants Database National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder SEEK by iNaturalist The Life and Death of the American Lawn If you liked this episode, check out “How To Squash Your Fear of Bugs (and Other Phobias)” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson with help from Katie Shepherd.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Elaine picked up watercolor painting during her two year, cross country RV adventure with her family. She quickly fell in love with gorgeous nature scenes and found the creative process meditative and healing. But now she’s wondering if her art could be something more. On this episode of How To!, multitalented artist Aaron Dworkin has tips for Elaine and other aspiring artists on how to live a ‘portfolio life’ by finding your signature style, following your passions and ultimately getting paid. He also shares insights for unlocking your creativity even if you don’t fancy yourself an artist.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Write the Perfect Breakup Song with Ben Folds.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Thanks Avast.com!

Last week, our expert Arthur Brooks gave us some surefire advice for resetting the parent-child relationship so your kids don’t treat you like an emotional ATM. On this episode of How To!, he’s going to teach our listener, Karen, how to balance the books, so to speak, by taking some withdrawals of her own. He has some surprising tips for how to restrain yourself from swooping in to save the day when it would be better to let them figure it out. Starting with a hilarious story of the time Arthur’s adult son called him—pantsless—from Las Vegas.  If you liked this episode, check out part one: “How To Parent Less.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Every time Karen gets a phone call from her adult children her heart sinks. Even at age 23 and 21, they’re usually calling with a problem. She’s received calls for everything from flat tires to mental health emergencies. While she loves her kids and wants to always be a safe place for them to land, she really wants them to gain more independence. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Arthur Brooks, a Harvard University professor who studies the science of happiness and writes a column for the Atlantic called How to Build a Life. He also is the father to three adult children. He has some surprising tips and tough love for Karen to help her rebalance her relationship with her kids.   If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up” and “How To Fill an Empty Nest.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

For a lot of would-be parents, adoption isn’t the first path that comes to mind. But that’s how Victoria, a PhD student, is leaning right now. Even though she’s not planning to have a family for a few more years, it’s never too early to start preparing for what can be a long, arduous process. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Marcia Chatelain, Pulitzer Prize winning author, professor of history and African-American studies at Georgetown, and former co-host of The Waves. Marcia spent five years jumping through hoops before she and her husband finally adopted their son last year. Now Marcia is looking back on that journey and sharing what she learned to help Victoria smoothly navigate the process.  If you liked this episode, check out “The Single Most Important Thing to Know Before Becoming a Single Parent.” Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Thanks Avast.com!

In 2019, Brenda took a year off from their PhD program to try to feel pleasure again…with anything. Brenda has come a long way since then but there’s one thing that’s still elusive—they’ve never experienced an orgasm. Whenever they try, anxiety kicks in and they’re left feeling frustrated and, in their words “broken.” On this episode of How To!, we bring in Ev’Yan Whitney, sex educator, author, and host of the podcast Sensual Self. Ev’Yan has some wonderful wisdom for learning about your body and reconnecting with pleasure, both sexual and non-sexual, in a way that feels safe.  Additional Reading:  The Tyranny Of the Female-Orgasm Industrial Complex by Katharine Smyth Ace by Angela Chen Sensual Self by Ev’Yan Whitney Understanding Asexuality by The Trevor Project If you liked this episode, check out “How To Have the Best Sex of Your Life” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Erin thinks her dog Chief has the most embarrassing habit—he keeps eating her daughters’ underwear. This has happened several times, resulting in multiple costly surgeries. If she doesn’t put a stop to it, it could eventually kill Chief. How can she get her dog to behave and, more importantly, get her teenage daughters to put their underwear in the hamper? On this episode of How To!, Jenny Slate, comedian, actress, author of Little Weirds and voice of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, opens up about the time her dog ate something he shouldn't have—and let’s just say it’s worse than underwear. But Jenny adores dogs and believes they have something important to teach us. You have to accept your loved ones’ limitations, Jenny says, and when problems arise, tailor your solution to what suits them best—advice that applies to both dogs and teenagers. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor with Tig Notaro.” Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Coming out of the worst of the pandemic, a lot of us need to relearn how to socialize, from what to say to what to wear. Our listener, Kristen, is headed back to the office and wants to feel like a boss. The only problem? She looks at her wardrobe and doesn’t know where to begin. On this episode of How To!, we bring in celebrity stylist Leesa Evans to give her a crash course in clothing. Leesa has helped some famous clients (i.e. Amy Schumer) discover fashion that is both functional and flattering. The key? Finding pieces that make you feel confident. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Look Like a Superhero.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Paula has a big family, lots of friends, and a girlfriend she adores. For most of her life, however, she has experienced an underlying and unshakeable sense of loneliness. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Kristen Radtke, the writer and illustrator behind Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness, to talk with Paula about an emotion that’s hard to talk about—and even harder to confront. If you liked this episode, check out How To Find Your People and How To Survive a Silent Retreat.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To! is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. Derek John is our executive producer.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

We all know the country is deeply fractured right now, and that’s especially true in our politics. There is vitriol, bitter partisanship and an expectation that in order to succeed you need to beat up on your opponent. So is it possible to fight for your beliefs, remain civil and still win elections? On this episode of How To!, we brought together two politicians from either side of the aisle who are living proof that we can practice politics with humanity. Utah Governor Spencer Cox and Vermont State Senator Becca Balint share how they resist negativity, meaningfully work with the other side, and stick to their values even when they are forced to stand up to their own party.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Thanks Avast.com!

Karin always thought of herself as the mom of two boys—that is, until last year when her oldest child told her they were nonbinary, meaning they don’t identify as either male or female. Karin loves her kid deeply, but she’s struggling to get used to their new name and pronouns, especially because her town—and husband—aren’t very accepting. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Lisa DelCol, a fellow mom of a nonbinary child and former president of PFLAG Oklahoma City, to help Karin come to terms with her child’s gender identity. Parents are going to make mistakes along the way, Lisa says, but it’s important to share what you learn with others. The more you advocate for them, the more accepting the world becomes. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Elizabeth’s son Lucas is a talented athlete who wants to compete in track and field at an NCAA Division One school. But so far he’s been running away from doing any research or planning. His mother, Elizabeth, wants to help him be recruited and maybe even get a scholarship. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Steve Magness, performance expert, former track coach for the University of Houston, and author of Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness. He’s navigated both sides of the recruitment process and has some hard-earned wisdom about what it takes to be noticed by college recruiters and why the system itself needs to be reformed.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Coach Squirrelly Kids (and Screaming Parents).” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Thanks Avast.com!

Daniel seems to be the whole package. He’s smart, social, and has lots of friends. He even organizes a beach volleyball league in Berlin. But he can’t seem to land a date despite his best efforts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Andrea Silenzi, dating aficionado and host of the acclaimed dating podcast Why Oh Why. She knows what it’s like to put a ton of effort into dating and not land the relationship she wants. Now married, she shares how she broke through a decade of bad dates and has some hard-earned wisdom to help Daniel, and all of us, make a move that actually works.   If you liked this episode, check out “How To Find Your First Kiss at 38.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

After experiencing multiple instances of sexual assault, Julia often feels sexually disconnected from her own body. She wants to be aware of her boundaries and find pleasure in new relationships going forward. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jamila Dawson, licensed marriage and family therapist, and August McLaughlin, health and sexuality journalist and host of Girl Boner Radio. Together they wrote With Pleasure: Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships. They share candid, tangible advice about navigating consent and how to turn awkward conversations into something empowering — even sexy.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Talk to Your Son About Sex”. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When Samantha and her husband moved from a condo to a fairly large house, they knew they’d have a lot of updating and upkeep to do. But they had no idea how much time their new chores would gobble up. Or even what chores to do. (If only there was a guide to adulting!) Even when they weren’t holding themselves to picture-perfect standards, it still felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kendra Adachi, she’s a best-selling author, podcaster, and professional permission giver. She has tangible, easy steps that you can do right now to help you prioritize and organize your mess—and ultimately, your life.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Stop “Having It All” (Before You End Up With Nothing)”  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When Betsy joined her last workplace, she thought it was a perfect fit. It was on a list of Best Places to Work and she got to be creative while helping people. But as the startup rapidly grew, the company culture changed and Betsy started to lose herself amid the stress. Then she got laid off. Honestly, Betsy was relieved, but now she’s gotta figure out what’s next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Altucher, author, podcaster, and all-around interesting person. He’s both created successful companies and failed a number of times. He has some funny, frank advice for taking the sting out of rejection, reviving your passions, and making sure your next move is right for you.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job.”  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Thanks Avast.com!

When the Taliban took over Afghanistan in August, the Female Tactical Platoon, a unit of elite Afghan soldiers, knew they had to evacuate. “If they were captured, they would be killed,” according to a Green Beret who worked alongside them because they were “an affront to everything the Taliban stood for.” Ellie, a U.S. Army Captain, moved earth and heaven to get them to America. But navigating the U.S. refugee resettlement system proved much more difficult than they expected. On this episode of How To!, we introduce Ellie to Luma Mufleh, founder and CEO of Fugee Families, to discuss how the system can and should be improved. They share practical tips for how all of us can help in the most useful way possible.   To read more about the Female Tactical Platoon check out The Untold Story of the Afghan Women Who Hunted the Taliban.  Here is Ellie’s organization: Sisters of Service.  Here is Luma’s organization: Fugee Families. Check out Luma’s new book, Learning America.   If you liked this episode, check out “How To Beat Your Hidden Biases” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

The town of Dartmouth, Massachusetts is in the middle of a mascot debate that’s escalated quickly. Our listener Keith grew up there and his kids attend the high school in question. He’s been vocal about his support for changing the school’s Indian warrior logo but is wondering if there’s a better way to solve this issue than trading barbs with the opposition. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Maulian Dana, Penobscot Nation tribal ambassador, one of the four federally recognized indigenous tribes in Maine. Maulian helped lead a decades-long effort that resulted in Maine banning all state schools and colleges from using Native American mascots in 2019. She has some practical tips to help Keith, and all of us, fight for what we believe in — without tearing our community apart.   If you liked this episode, check out “How To Stop a Fight Before It Starts.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When Mike was wracked with a series of unexplained headaches in 2017, he initially chalked it up to being a stressed out grad student. But the pain became debilitating and his symptoms only multiplied from there. His doctors are stumped and Mike doesn't know where to turn next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Meghan O’Rourke, author of The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. Meghan has been on her own medical journey for years and has some extremely helpful advice for finding the right doctors, regaining a sense of normalcy, and supporting those who are currently searching for answers.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Fight Outrageous Medical Bills.”  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Leo is a high-achieving high school senior on the cusp of graduation. Growing up in a rigorous school environment he faced endless pressure to follow the expected track of attending an elite university and eventually securing a good job. Yet, Leo feels slightly unfulfilled and is curious what an alternative path might look like. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace is joined by Abby Falik, founder of the The Flight School, and organization dedicate to helping students and parents rethink and reshape their education. Abby shares her insights and experience guiding students through gap years so they find their own way. If you liked this episode check out: "How To Parent Less" Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

You’ve probably heard about the importance of journaling, putting thoughts on paper to help process the daily vicissitudes of life. But it’s easy to stall once you see a blank page or get self conscious about what exactly you’re writing. On this episode of How To!, we bring together Anna Quindlen, bestselling novelist and author of the new book Write For Your Life, and John Dickerson, co-host of Slate’s Political Gabfest, CBS News reporter, author and veteran journaler. They share their wit and wisdom on how to start writing about your personal life — and how to keep it going amid all the distractions. (And stay tuned after the credits for an exclusive sneak peek of Anna Quindlen’s next novel). If you liked this episode, check out “How To Write a Bestseller” and “How To Get Your Book Published.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Thanks Avast.com! Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

If you were to pop by Mary Ann’s PhD discussion group, you’d most likely find her quietly, but intently, listening to the debate going on around her. But when it comes time to actually throw in her two cents, she comes up short. She feels nervous. Her mind goes blank. And she leaves the session feeling frustrated that she didn’t voice her thoughts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenge. Amy has done a great deal of research on how to carve out your own space — physically and mentally — and has some practical tips to help Mary Ann, and all of us, speak with more confidence.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Give a Killer Speech.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

When a fellow employee started bullying Christy at her workplace she took the situation to her supervisor, Human Resources, and even filed grievances with her union. But the situation never improved. In fact, it got worse to the point where Christy had no choice but to walk away from her job of over 30 years. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Megan Hunter – co-founder and CEO of High Conflict Institute and author of BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication. She offers insight into the bullying Christy experienced and shares advice for anyone who might be in a similar situation. “We just have to know the rules and then we can manage that relationship instead of having that person and their fear-driven operating system manage us,” Megan says. With input from Christy, Megan sheds light on how to handle a toxic work environment. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Fire a Bad Employee Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

After Zach heard our “How To Make Friends as an Adult” episode, which coincidentally featured all women, he and a few other male listeners wrote in questioning how useful it was for men. He wondered if we could address the unique challenges men face when it comes to making new friends. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Slate staff writers Dan Kois, author of How to Be a Family, and Aymann Ismail, former host of the podcast Man Up, to coach Zach through a few easy tips. “You just gotta be shameless about it,” says Dan. Whether it’s balancing parenthood or playing the numbers game, Dan and Aymann share practical ways to put yourself out there, even if it means being a little bit vulnerable.  If you liked this episode, check out How To Put Your Wife's Career First.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Katie Shepherd. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Courtenay has more than a few regrets, starting with her career. Despite her accomplishments as an opera singer, she wishes she’d prioritized her professional goals, become more proficient on the piano and with foreign languages. Then there are the personal regrets, like the elderly friend Courteney lost touch with — who then passed away. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, to coach Courtenay through reclaiming her regrets. “We haven't taught people how to properly deal with negative emotions,” Pink reminds us. We’ll learn about the four core regrets that most of us share and how to turn them into wisdom.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Uproot Your Life.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson and Katie Shepherd. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Janey is the very definition of a woman trying to “have it all.” She’s an occupational therapist by day, a ghost writer for influencers by night and in between co-hosts a podcast. On top of that, she has two sons who play travel sports and a husband who works long hours. It’s left Janey wondering if she’ll ever catch her breath. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Amy Westervelt, who’s no slouch herself. She’s a journalist, host of the award-winning podcast Drilled, a busy mom and author of the book Forget “Having It All”: How America Messed Up Motherhood, and How to Fix It. She shares with Janey how trying to “have it all” almost left her with nothing. It’s advice that all of us can use to rebalance our lives and reprioritize what’s important.  Check out Amy’s invisible labor calculator.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Advance Your Career By Quitting Your Job.”  Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Winning the Olympics is everything Steve Mesler ever wanted. So when he and his U.S. bobsled teammates stood atop the podium at the 2010 Vancouver Games, his life seemed golden in every way. But soon after his triumph, Steve began to experience a period of extended mourning. Even though he won a gold medal, he lost his identity and sense of purpose. And he wasn't the only one. On this episode of How To!, the former Olympian, co-founder of Classroom Champions, and current United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee board member talks about the complicated aftermath of achieving an all-consuming pursuit. He discusses his struggles with depression, losing teammates to suicide and what the USOPC is doing to destigmatize mental health treatment. (This episode originally aired July 20, 2021) If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court.” Do you have an Olympic-sized problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

It’s been two decades since Maggie’s mom has gone to the doctor and her health is incredibly….shaky. Maggie’s mom has severe asthma and allergies which has basically isolated her from the world. With isolation has come anger and bitterness. Maggie is at a loss. She’s tried everything she can think of yet her mother refuses to get help. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Elizabeth Berg, a nurse-turned-bestselling novelist who has penned some 30 books, many focusing on family drama. Her latest is a touching memoir called I’ll Be Seeing You, which follows her perfectly imperfect parents as they’ve gotten older. Elizabeth has some hard-earned wisdom for Maggie, and all of us, about navigating a contentious relationship with our aging parents.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season” and “How To Get a Stubborn Parent to Listen.” Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Susan was concerned when she first learned that someone was impersonating her on Facebook, but that soon turned to anger when she realized the imposter had sent inappropriate photos to her real life friends. Susan tried and failed to get the account taken down. Then came the extortion letter...and now she’s freaking out a bit. On this episode of How To!, Jack Rhysider, host of Darknet Diaries and cybersecurity veteran, talks about the time he was stalked on the internet. Jack no longer shares much online — he won’t even show his face. You don't have to go that far, but there are things you can do to protect your online data and your emotions in real life. If you’re worried about being exposed, Jack has some great resources for battling stalkers and online harassment. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Steal Back Your Identity.”  Do you have a hacker horror story with a happy ending? Or some other problem we can help solve? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

Last week we learned about using the four different styles of humor to your advantage, and who makes a good target for a joke. But what if you read the room wrong and absolutely bomb? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we resume our conversation with Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, the most hilarious hedge fund guy we’ve ever met. They swap stories about office jokes that fell flat, how to navigate a suddenly tense situation and what to do if your humor accidentally offends someone (especially your boss).  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Be Funny” with comedian Gary Gulman.  If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website.  Do you have a joke that killed at the office, or totally bombed? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

The trouble began when Sarah put a fern in front of her new condo. Nice, right? The woman who lives in the unit above didn’t think so, and without warning sent Sarah a slew of passive-aggressive notes. Sarah thinks it’s all a big misunderstanding, but now her neighbor refuses to even speak to her. Sarah is wracked with anxiety, struggling to sleep, and contemplating moving out. On this episode of How To!, we turn to stand-up comedian Tig Notaro, a cancer survivor and host of the new advice podcast Don’t Ask Tig, to help Sarah approach the situation with humor and clarity. When things don’t go your way, Tig says, you have to take back control of your own story. What would the hero in your favorite movie do? For Sarah, this means gardening with headphones and the Rocky theme on the soundtrack.  Do you have a problem that could use some humorous advice? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Talk to Strangers.” Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now.

Did you know that we, as a society, have fallen off a comedy cliff? No joke. Studies have shown that we largely stop laughing when we enter our mid-twenties, which is a shame because delighting in humor has a ton of health benefits. Plus, being perceived as funny can actually make people think you’re more intelligent, more competent, and even better looking! So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, an amateur comedian who is working in the funniest of places: high finance. Combined, they have decades of experience harnessing the power humor and applying it to the workplace.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor” with Tig Notaro.  If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website.  Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn’t have an obvious “right” answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He’s the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John’s relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he’s hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it’s too late.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired.” Do you have a problem you can’t get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. This episode originally ran on August 31, 2021.

Every year, around the same time, Peter’s apartment comes alive. The shadows begin to scuttle and the pipes creak with creepy crawlies. At least that’s how it feels. Peter is freaked out by Israel’s large flying cockroaches. Logically, he knows they don’t pose a threat. But he can’t control his visceral disgust at encountering one and his panicked vigilance in the days that follow. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Elizabeth McMahon, a clinical psychologist who has been treating phobias like these for the last 30 years. She has some very practical advice for Peter, and anyone else with an irrational fear they’d like to overcome. Elizabeth often uses virtual reality therapy with her clients, most recently to treat needle phobias. She’s made this needle phobia training available for licensed therapists or supervised trainees. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Not Be Scared.” Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.