Explore every episode of the podcast How To Have Sex

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	Title	Pub. Date	Duration
	How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)	07 Apr 2026	00:40:09
Dirty talk makes Jay-Jay want to crawl under the bed and disappear… so naturally, that’s exactly what this episode is about. In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your tax return instead, this episode is definitely for you. Melissa breaks down why dirty talk doesn’t actually have to be “dirty” at all. It can be playful, flirty, intimate, teasing, affirming, and deeply connecting — whether you’re in the same room or doing long distance. The episode covers how to start small, why texting can be the perfect gateway, how to move away from performative porn-style language, and how to find words that actually feel natural for you. Jay-Jay, meanwhile, does what Jay-Jay does best: says exactly what everyone else is thinking. Is it awkward? Yes. Will you laugh? Probably. Will you also come away with genuinely useful tips for talking sexy without feeling ridiculous? Also yes. In this episode, we cover: what dirty talk really is why so many people find it harder than sex itself why sexy texting can be the easiest place to start the difference between porn talk and real-life turn-on how anticipation can be hotter than explicit language how to talk in a way that reflects what you actually desire how to laugh through the awkwardness instead of shutting down why aftercare and compliments can be part of erotic talk too Plus, Melissa gives listeners a Pleasure Practice challenge for the week… and puts Jay-Jay on the spot with a live reading exercise that is every bit as awkward and hilarious as you’d hope. Mel mentions here Dirty Talk Cheat Sheet! You can download a copy of that here Next episode: Melissa opens up about pregnancy, libido loss, postpartum sex, and what happens when your body feels completely different to the one you used to know. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com/ INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz/ HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Give World-Class Head	31 Mar 2026	00:44:44
WATCH THE UNCENSORED VIDEO HERE: https://hthspodcast.substack.com/p/uncensored-video-how-to-give-world Talking about oral sex makes Jay-Jay wildly uncomfortable… which is exactly why this episode had to happen. In this lesson of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get very practical about what makes oral sex actually feel good for everyone. This is not about porn moves, performance, or trying to “get it right.” It’s about confidence, communication, anatomy, connection, and learning how to give pleasure in a way that feels good for you too. Melissa breaks down what “world-class head” really means, why so many people feel pressure around oral sex, and the biggest lies porn has taught us about blowjobs and going down on women. The episode covers hand techniques, oral techniques, sore jaw and lockjaw hacks, how to ask for what you want without dying inside, and why slowing down is often the fastest path to better sex. You’ll also hear: why oral sex feels so vulnerable how to stop focusing on performance blowjob tips and hand techniques oral sex tips for pleasuring a vulva why anatomy creates confidence how to communicate during sex without killing the mood the importance of rhythm, teasing and anticipation why pleasure should be about connection, not pressure And of course, Melissa gives Jay-Jay, and you, a new Pleasure Practice for the week: how to give head in a way that feels good for you as well. Next episode: How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment). This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz/ SUBSTACK: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@hths_podcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	Foreplay (Get into Bed with Jay-Jay & Mel)	24 Mar 2026	00:42:35
Welcome to How To Have Sex ... the podcast giving everyday New Zealanders the practical tools to have better, more confident, more satisfying sex lives. Before we get into the good stuff, we're starting where all great sex starts: foreplay. This episode is your introduction to hosts Jay-Jay Feeney - veteran NZ broadcaster, podcaster, and self-confessed awkward sex-talker, and Melissa Vranjes, certified holistic sex and relationship coach, somatic therapist, and founder of Sex School. We get into bed (literally), share how this podcast came to be, and start pulling back the covers on everything from the orgasm gap and sexual confidence, to why most of us learned about sex from porn, and why that's a problem. No shame. No judgment. Just two women in bed having the conversations everyone's secretly Googling. For adults 18+. Headphones recommended. 🎙️ Follow, subscribe, and leave us a review. It helps more people find us! This podcast was produced at PodLab Studios, Auckland https://www.podlab.co.nz/ Bedding by Dehei https://dehei.co/ Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. We launched our podcast on 25 March 2026 and had a party to celebrate. We would like to thank our incredible Day One supporters who kindly donated toward our party, and goodie bags. Mad Dog Backdrops https://maddogbackdrops.co.nz/ Carmen Bird Photography https://www.carmenbirdphotography.co.nz/ Oh Cleoh Condoms https://www.ohcleoh.com/ Rumer Lube https://byrumer.co.nz/ Girls Get Off https://girlsgetoff.com/ Moodi Hormone Gummies https://www.moodiblends.com/ Cursive Craft https://cursivecraft.co.nz/ Eve Wellness https://evewellness.com/ XO Gifts https://xogifts.co.nz/ Framingham Wines https://framingham.co.nz/ Zeffer Cider & Alcoholic drinks https://zeffer.co.nz/ Woman’s Day Magazine https://www.nowtolove.co.nz/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life	24 Mar 2026	00:51:31
What actually separates good sex from great sex? Spoiler: it's not the positions, the toys, or the techniques. In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real foundations of hot sex, and it turns out most of us have been thinking about it completely wrong. Mel introduces her erotic mind mapping method, breaks down the three types of desire (and why most women experience desire very differently to men), and explains why safety, connection, and communication are the actual ingredients for the best sex of your life. Plus: JJ gets her first Pleasure Practice assignment live on air, and it gets surprisingly vulnerable. This is sex education for real humans in real relationships. No pressure. No porn scripts. Just honest conversation. For adults 18+. Headphones recommended. 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one! This podcast was produced at PodLab Studios, Auckland https://www.podlab.co.nz/ Bedding by Dehei https://dehei.co/ Mel's Sex Menu: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ELEGkI8NyWl2EAA9tYjlZ2oHs-q8ryns/view Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. We launched our podcast on 25 March 2026 and had a party to celebrate. We would like to thank our incredible Day One supporters who kindly donated toward our party, and goodie bags. Mad Dog Backdrops https://maddogbackdrops.co.nz/ Carmen Bird Photography https://www.carmenbirdphotography.co.nz/ Oh Cleoh Condoms https://www.ohcleoh.com/ Rumer Lube https://byrumer.co.nz/ Girls Get Off https://girlsgetoff.com/ Moodi Hormone Gummies https://www.moodiblends.com/ Cursive Craft https://cursivecraft.co.nz/ Eve Wellness https://evewellness.com/ XO Gifts https://xogifts.co.nz/ Framingham Wines https://framingham.co.nz/ Zeffer Cider & Alcoholic drinks https://zeffer.co.nz/ Woman’s Day Magazine https://www.nowtolove.co.nz/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	WE ARE COMING!	27 Feb 2026	00:01:19
One’s a sex coach. The other one’s awkward. Both are getting into bed to talk about it. How to Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney — one of New Zealand’s most recognisable voices — and Melissa Vranjes, a holistic sex & relationship coach and somatic therapist. Jay-Jay has the questions you’re too shy to ask. Melissa has the answers (and the experience). From world-class head to low libido, orgasms to pregnancy sex, this podcast breaks down shame, stigma, and bedroom confusion — with humour, honesty, and zero judgement. If you’ve ever thought: “Am I normal?” “Why don’t I feel horny?” “How do I ask for what I want?” You’re in the right bed. Launching 25 March. ____________________________________________________ INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@how.to.have.sex.p YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes www.melissavranjes.com Instagram/TikTok: @melissavranjes Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.vranjes.5 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Enhance Your Sex Life with Erotic Activities	21 Apr 2026	00:37:38
This might be our most hilarious episode yet. In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely unhinged detour into animal play that nearly takes both hosts out. But underneath the laughter, there’s actually a really juicy conversation here. Mel explains that the erotic isn’t just about sex toys, lingerie, or trying to become some mysterious version of yourself. It’s about vitality, curiosity, self-expression, play, and creating moments that feel alive, exciting and connected. Together, JJ and Mel unpack how to break out of routine, why anticipation matters so much, and how to start exploring erotic activities in ways that feel fun rather than intimidating. This episode is full of ideas you can actually try, whether you’re a total beginner or ready to step a little further outside the box. In this episode: what the erotic actually means why routine can flatten desire how to bring more play and curiosity into your sex life beginner-friendly erotic activities more adventurous ideas for couples who want to mix things up why sex does not have to be perfect or serious to be hot and why laughing together might be one of the sexiest things of all You’ll hear ideas like: showering together with low lights pleasure mapping each other’s bodies sensory play with touch, temperature and massage oil reading erotica to each other feeding each other slowly and teasingly erotic massage undressing each other with intention and yes… the now-infamous animal play conversation that sends everyone off the rails. Pleasure Practice: choose an inside-the-box or outside-the-box erotic activity and give it a go. Next episode: How to Have Earth-Shattering Orgasms. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Navigate Low Libido in Pregnancy and Sex Postpartum (Mel’s Story)	14 Apr 2026	00:42:40
Pregnancy can change everything.. your body, your hormones, your relationship to pleasure, and the way you feel about sx. In this deeply personal episode of How To Have Sx*, Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting sx, and even lost the ability to have the internal orgsms she once loved. Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when sx changes during pregnancy, how scary it can feel when desire disappears, and the panic that can come with wondering whether your sxuality will ever come back. Mel shares how different her second pregnancy has been, why her first experience felt so confronting, and what helped her and her partner stay intimately connected even when penetrative sx was off the table for months. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt confused, shut down, touched out, disconnected from their body, or scared that a low libido season means something is wrong. It’s also a powerful listen for partners who want to understand how to stay close, supportive, and connected without adding pressure. In this episode, we cover: what low libido in pregnancy can actually feel like the difference between “I don’t want sx” and “I don’t feel sxual at all” how pregnancy affected Mel’s orgsms and body confidence how to talk about the elephant in the room with your partner how to stay intimately connected without penetrative sx returning to sx postpartum slowly, gently, and without pressure why self-touch can help before having penetrative sx again pelvic floor physio, healing, and what’s actually normal after birth why you are allowed to be in a season why different doesn’t mean broken Mel also shares one of the most reassuring messages of the episode: you do not need to “bounce back.” Your body has changed, your life has changed, and your sxuality may change too, but that does not mean it is gone forever. Next episode:* how to bring the erotic back into your sx life. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX* for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Have Earth Shattering Orgasms	28 Apr 2026	00:49:01
Earth-shattering. It sounds ambitious, but Mel reckons it's not only possible, it's absolutely learnable. And it has nothing to do with performing, faking it, or wondering if you're taking too long. This week Jay-Jay and Mel go deep on orgasms; what they actually are, why they feel different depending on where they happen in your body, and why so many of us have been getting in our own way this whole time. In this episode: The difference between a clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, cervical and full-body orgasm Why only 18-22% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, and what that means for everyone Why your body shuts down at the worst possible moment (and how to stop it) The oven vs gas hob arousal gap between men and women How to get out of your head and back into your body Why slowing down is genuinely the fastest route to a bigger orgasm The somatic tools Mel uses with her clients: breath, movement, placement of awareness Why crying after sex is a thing (and it's not weird) How to create new orgasmic pathways in your body, including cervical orgasms Mel's tip: check out https://www.beautifulcervix.com/see-your-own-beautiful-cervix/ if you want to actually see your own cervix (yes, really) This week's Pleasure Practice: Forget about the orgasm. Just touch your body for pleasure. In the shower, on the couch, wherever. Use breath, awareness and a little movement to build sensation. The orgasms will follow. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Butt Play (Without Making it Weird or Scary)	05 May 2026	00:40:20
Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally. Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the stuff nobody talks about. In this episode: Why butt play is so taboo (and why that's changing) The male G-spot (yes, the prostate) and why most men have no idea what they're missing How women can experience orgasms from anal stimulation The difference between external and penetrative play (you do NOT have to go all in to enjoy it) Mel's three beginner techniques: The Doorbell, The Credit Card, and Circles How to prepare properly, and why porn has got it dangerously wrong The importance of lube, going slow, and communication What NOT to do (don't cross-contaminate, don't use spit, and absolutely never surprise someone mid-sex) How to bring it up with a partner without making it weird Recovering from a bad experience This week's Pleasure Practice (JJ's reaction is priceless) Curious but nervous? That's exactly who this episode is for. This episode is sponsored by Wild Secrets. NZ's premium pleasure destination. Use code HAVESEX for 20% off. Pleasure delivered. wildsecrets.co.nz SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Self-Pleasure (and Why it Will Change Your Partnered Sex Life)	12 May 2026	00:52:01
Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life? In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think. Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actually comes from, why we were never given this education, and how exploring your own body is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner. We cover: Why female self-pleasure has been stigmatised for centuries (and male pleasure hasn't) How self-pleasure builds body literacy and improves partnered sex Why rushing is the biggest mistake most people make How to diversify your pleasure and avoid being wired to only one pathway Whether you can get "addicted" to your vibrator (yes, really) Masturbating in front of your partner - hot or not? How to handle mismatched libidos without guilt or obligation sex Jay-Jay has an unexpected breakthrough on camera that stopped us both Plus Mel's pleasure practice for the week, and Jay-Jay's very honest response to it. Next episode: How to Get Your Needs Met in Bed (Without Turning It Into a Performance Review). How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Keep Porn From Replacing Intimacy	26 May 2026	00:44:25
Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed. Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy in your relationship? This is sex education, not judgment. We cover: Why men and women consume porn so differently, and what women are actually looking for The psychology of eroticism and why taboo fantasies make sense Porn and relationships: when it's fine, when it's not, and what to do when you've just caught your partner watching it (Mel shares her story, and it's a good one) The top-searched categories in 2025 and what that tells us about desire How porn can actually rewire your body's arousal response, and make it harder to orgasm with a partner Ethical porn: what it means, and where to find it (Erika Lust gets a mention) Audio erotica, smut, and other ways to explore desire beyond visual porn Mentioned in this episode: https://erikalust.com/ for ethical porn, and if you want to listen to the best audio erotica, try https://www.tryquinn.com/ or https://www.dipseastories.com/ Next week: BDSM. Subscribe so you don't miss a thing. And if this episode resonated, leave us a review. It genuinely helps. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced at PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Actually Get Your Needs Met In Bed (Without Killing The Mood)	19 May 2026	00:45:43
Asking for what you want in bed might be the scariest thing you never do. Scarier than being naked. Scarier than asking for a pay rise. And for a lot of us, we'd rather go along with it, fake it, or hope they read our minds. In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real reason we go quiet in the bedroom, and what to do about it. You'll learn: Why communication in bed is actually a courage problem, not a confidence problem The worst time (and best time) to bring up a new request How to frame what you want so it sounds like a connection, not a complaint What to do when your partner shuts down Scripts and examples you can actually use Whether you've been together forever or you're still in the honeymoon phase, this episode will help you stop hinting and start asking. Pleasure Practice: Build some courage. Pull the courage you already use outside the bedroom, and bring it in. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Navigate Love, Judgment and an Age Gap: Jay-Jay & Minou	07 Jul 2026	00:44:29
She met him on Facebook. He lived on the other side of the world. She didn't tell a soul for two years. This week Mel flips the script and puts Jay-Jay in the hot seat. We're talking about Jay-Jay's relationship with her partner Minou, the 18-year age gap, meeting through a random Facebook DM, navigating two completely different cultures and religions, and every single opinion the internet has ever had about it. Jay-Jay tells us how she tested a stranger's "humanness" before believing he was real, why she kept the relationship secret from literally everyone (including her ex-husband), and the moment she finally came clean. We also get into the comment that compared her to a 90-year-old prune, the woman who threatened to "knock her teeth out," and why block-block-block is a completely valid coping mechanism. Mel and Jay-Jay dig into the bigger question underneath it all, why do unconventional relationships make people so uncomfortable, and how do you protect your peace when strangers (and sometimes friends) decide they've got a say in your love life? Funny, personal, and honestly a bit of a tearjerker in places. Buckle up. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Get Better at Foreplay	30 Jun 2026	00:46:39
Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right. In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life. We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that counts as foreplay, plus: why your body literally needs time to prepare for penetration (there's a physiological process called tenting and it will change how you think about this forever), the art of attunement, why the quickie you think was spontaneous... wasn't, and how to talk to a partner who treats foreplay like they're late for a flight. In this episode: Why foreplay starts way before the bedroom The psychological side of arousal, and why safety matters more than technique What is tenting and why your body needs it Attunement: the real skill underneath all the moves How to talk to a partner who skips straight to the jackhammer Sexting as foreplay (Mel is a big fan) The Pleasure Practice: penetration off the table, entirely How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Spice It Up In Long-Term Relationships	23 Jun 2026	00:51:09
Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you. This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way resentment kills desire faster than tiredness ever could, and why foreplay actually starts at 11am, not 11pm. Mel breaks down brakes vs accelerators, spontaneous vs responsive desire, and why being too comfortable with your partner might be the actual problem. Plus: the spousal arousal radio story, a boat-bed confession gone wrong, and the case for bringing back a little "puppy energy" when your partner walks in the door. If you and your partner have started to feel more like co-managers of a household than lovers, this episode is your sign to do something about it (and it's way less effort than you think). How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Bring Your Fantasies To Life	16 Jun 2026	00:46:50
Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them, why just talking about one can be almost as hot as living it out, and how to bring it up with your partner without causing a small relationship earthquake. Mel shares the research on the most common fantasies (group sex, power play, and being completely ravished all made the list), and we talk through how to find the feeling behind a fantasy so you're not stuck trying to recreate an exact scene from a book. Also in this episode: Jay-Jay's worst date story ever, the golden showers chat nobody asked for, why pegging makes so many people squirm and shouldn't, and a Pleasure Practice that's basically just permission to daydream a bit more. Topics: sexual fantasies, fantasy communication, kinks and power play, BDSM basics, intimacy and desire, couples communication, sex education, relationship advice How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Initiate Sex	09 Jun 2026	00:37:59
Ever wanted to make the first move and just… froze? Initiating is one of the most vulnerable things we do, and almost nobody talks about how hard it is. This week Jay-Jay Feeney and somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into how to initiate sex without the fear of rejection: why it can feel scarier than the sex itself, how to handle a "no" without spiralling, and the tiny shifts that bring desire back to life in long-term relationships. Inside this episode: Why initiating feels so loaded (and why long-term love makes it harder, not easier) The one-word response to "no" that stops the shame spiral in its tracks Mismatched desire; are you and your partner even speaking the same language? Ovens vs gas hobs: why "preheating" outside the bedroom changes everything Emily Nagoski's gateways into desire: play, care and curiosity Real, low-stakes ways to initiate tonight: flirty texts, kissing, music, massage Plus your Pleasure Practice DMs, including the "I was meant to be the submissive one" plot twist Whether you're the one who always makes the first move, the one who's given up trying, or somewhere in between, this one's for you. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How to Explore Beginner-Friendly BDSM	02 Jun 2026	00:46:00
BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.) This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think. We cover: What BDSM really means (and what it definitely doesn't have to mean) Why so many people are secretly curious about power play, restraint, and dominance, and feel weirdly ashamed about it The psychology behind dominant people wanting to submit, and vice versa How to go from "we've vaguely thought about this" to actually trying it, without a cringe disaster The beginner's menu: easy, low-stakes things to explore first Consent conversations that don't feel like a workplace health and safety briefing Safewords, aftercare, and the mistakes people make, copying what they've seen online And this week's Pleasure Practice to try at home Whether you're deeply curious, mildly intrigued, or just here to find out what all the fuss is about, this one's for you. Don't start with a whip and a prayer. Start here. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Stop Faking It and Start Being Honest In Bed	21 Jul 2026	00:36:03
Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are. Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw, and how it quietly builds resentment and chore sex over time if left unchecked. We get into the four stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the one nobody talks about, fawn, plus real phrases to use instead of faking it, and how to take feedback from a partner without spiralling. We also talk a little too much about swallowing. By the end, you'll have real language to use tonight, a pleasure practice to try this week, and hopefully a little less pressure to perform and a little more permission to just be honest. 💌 Subscribe to our Substack for early episodes, our weekly pleasure practice and behind-the-scenes extras. 🎓 How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
	How To Get Over Your Body and Sex Insecurities	14 Jul 2026	00:54:40
This week Jay-Jay & Mel get vulnerable, and a little unhinged, talking about body confidence and sex insecurities. Jay-Jay finally admits the one insecurity she's never been able to shake. Mel spills on her breast implants: why she got them at 23, and why she took them out eight years later. They dig into where body shame actually comes from (hint: it's rarely just you), why labiaplasty is booming even though the "problem" is just a normal vulva, and have a full tangent about pubic hair trends. Mel walks Jay-Jay through a real-time somatic exercise to rewire an old belief, and by the end of it Jay-Jay has a brand new mantra that will absolutely end up on a t-shirt. Expect body image talk, self-esteem wins, a few belly laughs, and genuinely useful tools for building body confidence and self-love, in and out of the bedroom. If you've ever turned the lights off, sucked it in, or hidden a part of yourself during sex, this episode is for you. 🎧 New episodes every week. Rate, review and follow, so you never miss one. Explicit — listener discretion advised. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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