How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man – Details, episodes & analysis

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How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man

Matt Bays

Health & Fitness

Frequency: 1 episode/21d. Total Eps: 40

Matt Bays & Matt Heincker do a deep dive into what it takes to find (& keep) a gay man. While compassionate and sincere, these two gay besties provide bitchy wisdom for the gay man looking for love.

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Data updated on 04/07/2026

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https://www.youtube.com/@howtofindandkeepagayman
27 shares
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdPMpEeVIe0
2 shares
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZTHQe7kedw
2 shares

https://www.mattbayscoaching.com/
27 shares
https://mattbayswriter.com/almost-straight-a-coming-out-story/
2 shares

https://www.instagram.com/howtofindandkeepagayman
27 shares

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Score global : 38%

Publication history

Monthly episode publishing history over the past years.

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Love Styles

Friday, April 18, 2025 • Duration 29:42

This week on How to Find & Keep a Gay Man, the Matts are getting intimate—with the five love languages, that is. You know the ones: words, touch, quality time, gifts, and doing the damn dishes (aka acts of service). We break down how each style shows up in gay relationships—and yes, we spill the tea on our own, too.

But here’s the twist: it’s not just about your love language. We’re asking you to get curious about his—whether he’s a first date, a long-term love, or your husband who still thinks “words of affirmation” means moaning during sex.

So if you want to love harder, smarter, and with fewer hurt feelings over an unacknowledged text or a missed cuddle, press play. Your gay man will thank you.

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The Art of Conversation

Friday, February 28, 2025 • Duration 31:20

In a world dominated by DMs, double taps, and endless scrolling, meaningful face-to-face conversations can feel like a lost art—especially in dating. Inspired by a chat with one of our listeners, this episode dives into the challenges and nuances of real-life connection.

From first dates to long-term relationships, we explore how to move beyond texting and social media exchanges to engage in deeper, more authentic conversations. Whether it’s battling nerves, knowing what to say, or simply being present, we’re sharing practical tips to help you put your best self forward.

With face-to-face socializing down by 45% over the last two decades, this discussion couldn’t be more timely. If you grew up on screens, if you've lost the ability to look someone in the eye and share openly, if you're looking for a better way to connect, this episode is for you!

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Is Your Algorithm Keeping You Single?

Episode 39

Friday, January 31, 2025 • Duration 33:53

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, we’re tackling the “checklist syndrome” that might be keeping you from finding love. Do you have a laundry list of must-haves for your perfect partner—hot, rich, smart, fit, kind, and dog-loving (but not too obsessed)? Have your “non-negotiables” become armor to keep you safe from vulnerability and rejection?

Join us as we dissect how unrealistic expectations and the gay beauty standard can block genuine connection. Through humor, sharp insights, and some hard truths, we’ll help you reframe your dating approach by focusing on what really matters.

Stop waiting for perfection and start seeing the beauty in what’s real. Because love isn’t about algorithms—it’s about connection.

Let’s rewrite your list together. Tune in, open up, and take one step closer to finding your person.

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You've Found Him...Several Times Actually

Friday, October 11, 2024 • Duration 32:31

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, the Matts dive deep into the bittersweet journey of finding and losing GOOD gay men. They explore the complex reasons behind breakups—whether initiated by us or by our partners. By identifying and discussing four internal blocks that may hinder our ability to maintain relationships (gremlins, assumptions, interpretations, and limiting beliefs) the hosts aim to help listeners gain a better understanding of their own patterns and behaviors in love...and hear ways to FIX what is broken.

Tune in for an insightful conversation that could change your approach to finding and keeping love. And DO NOT miss this week's prayer time, "Catch and Release."

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Red Flags & Green Lights

Friday, September 27, 2024 • Duration 31:26

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, we’re diving deep into the signs that help us navigate the dating world: red flags and green lights.

Red flags are more than just personality quirks—they’re indicators that someone may not share the values necessary for a long-term relationship. If you're looking for a forever partner, it's essential to recognize when someone’s behavior or priorities aren’t in sync with your vision for a meaningful connection.

On the flip side, green lights are the qualities that draw us in, showing us that a man is relationship material. From honesty and commitment to actively working on the relationship and themselves, green lights align with the values we hold for building a lasting love.

We'll explore specific examples of both red flags and green lights, and discuss why it's so important to stay true to your own relationship standards as you search for a partner. Whether you’re dating now or preparing for your next relationship, this episode will help you refine your understanding of what truly matters.

Tune in and learn how to spot the signs that lead to love—or signal it’s time to move on.

Key Highlights:

What red flags really mean in dating
How to identify green lights that indicate a healthy potential partner
Real-world examples of both, to help guide your own relationship journey
Why values alignment is key to finding long-term love

Don't forget to follow up on IG: @howtofindandkeepagayman

Facebook: facebook.com/findandkeepagayman/

TikTok: tiktok.com/@howtofindandkeepagayman

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CHEATING

Friday, August 30, 2024 • Duration 40:43

In this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, we tackle the difficult and often painful topic of cheating in gay male relationships, whether they’re monogamous or open. We explore the main reasons why people cheat on their spouses or boyfriends, diving into the complexities that can lead to betrayal, from unmet emotional needs to societal pressures.

We'll also discuss practical ways to avoid cheating, emphasizing the importance of communication, trust, and regular check-ins to ensure both partners feel fulfilled and secure.

But what happens when cheating does occur? Should you stay and work it out, or is it time to leave? We’ll provide guidance on how to navigate these tough decisions, offering insights for listening to your gut when it comes time to make this decision.

Join us for an honest and empathetic conversation that aims to shed light on a topic many of us struggle with, but few are willing to talk about openly. Whether you’re looking to prevent cheating in your relationship or trying to figure out what to do after it happens, this episode is here to help.

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Remaining Hopeful While Waiting for Love

Friday, August 16, 2024 • Duration 31:08

On this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts delve into the emotional journey of remaining hopeful while waiting for love. They explore the common challenges many people face in the search for a meaningful relationship, such as:

1. External obstacles

2. Internal self-doubt

3. The complexities of modern dating

Listeners will learn practical strategies to nurture hope, including building self-esteem, practicing self-compassion, and finding fulfillment in new hobbies and interests.

Whether you're single and searching or simply waiting for the right person to come along, this episode offers encouragement and insights to help you navigate the journey with patience, optimism, and self-love.

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How to Create a Supportive Community

Friday, July 12, 2024 • Duration 29:07

In this episode of "How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man," The Matts dive into the essential topic of building a supportive and healthy community. Join us as we explore the steps to finding and creating a network of friends and allies who uplift and inspire you. We discuss why having a strong, supportive community is crucial for personal growth, mental health, and maintaining healthy relationships.

Discover practical tips on where to meet like-minded individuals, how to nurture meaningful connections, and the importance of mutual support in thriving as your authentic self. Whether you’re looking to expand your social circle or strengthen existing bonds, this episode will provide valuable insights to help you create the community you deserve.

Tune in to learn how a supportive community can enhance your journey to find (& keep) a gay man.

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Four Toxic Relationship Patterns

Friday, June 14, 2024 • Duration 35:17

In this enlightening episode, The Matts delve into the research of Dr. Roger K. Allen, PhD, to explore four toxic relationship patterns commonly observed in gay male relationships. Dr. Allen, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, has dedicated his career to understanding the dynamics that can both strengthen and undermine romantic partnerships.

We will discuss:

1. escalation

2. invalidation

3. pursuing/withdrawing

4. negative interpretations

...while unpacking the harmful effects of these unhealthy and destructive patterns. We’ll provide practical tips and actionable advice based on Dr. Allen's research and our own, helping listeners identify and address these toxic patterns in their own relationships.

By understanding and mitigating these dynamics, gay male couples can build stronger, more resilient partnerships.

Tune in to gain valuable insights and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Follow Us: Stay updated with our latest episodes and relationship tips by following us on instagram @howtofindandkeepagayman

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Navigating Bridge Relationships (A Path to Self-Awareness)

Friday, May 10, 2024 • Duration 33:00

In this reflective episode, we delve into the poignant concept of "bridge relationships" — those transformative bonds that may not last forever, but crucially pave the way to lasting connections. We explore how dwelling on past bitterness can obstruct our personal growth and hinder the invaluable lessons these relationships will teach us.

We also discuss the power of embracing gratitude towards our former partners, shedding light on how such a perspective can elevate a deeper understanding of ourselves and lead to profound self-revelation. We'll examine how assigning blame can be counterproductive, while acknowledging the role they've played in our journeys will usher us into new levels of maturity and readiness for our forever relationships.

Gain insights on moving forward with an open heart, while preparing yourself for the love that's meant to stay. This transformative discussion just change how you view your past and future relationships.

Part-two of our series highlighting Matt Heincker's new queer podcast, "Through the Long Night."

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How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man – Details, episodes & analysis

Podcast details

Recent rankings

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How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man – Details, episodes & analysis

Podcast details

Recent rankings

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Shared links between episodes and podcasts

Youtube3

Other2

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RSS feed quality and score

Publication history

Latest published episodes

Similar podcasts and content

Related Shows Based on Content Similarities

Related Shows Based on Content Similarities

Youtube3

Other2

Instagram1

Apple Podcasts

Spotify